"My mom... yeah she was odd. She'd dress me in pink, as a baby, and then when people would say, Oh, what a pretty little girl she'd say Actually, he's a pretty little boy, thanks. Then when they'd get all indignant that she was causing me trauma, she'd say I'm not the one causing him trauma, morons who prejudge based on a dye color, they might be causing him some trauma. My mom was a little weird... yeah, I turned out just fine... but my mom was a little bit different."
If you think gender socialization is fakery, or something crazy feminists made up, just walk down the aisles of the local Toys-r-Us. Sometimes I understand why some mothers take on the incredible burden of home schooling.
Last night we went out to Sullivan's. Yup, we went to a bar and steak house with a name like Sullivan's on St. Patrick's day. I was itchy until we got seated, but once we did it was smooth sailing. But getting me to go out on any "holiday" is getting more and more difficult, let me tell you.
Whatever sick is going around, it might have got me. Coughing, sore throat. Bleh.
Comments
I am not using my kids as a statement, and once they are of an age to make choices for themselves, fine. I see it as dressing my kids with a conscience, and it will go hand in hand with teaching my kids with a conscience and living with a conscience. Also. If it doesn't start somewhere, how will it EVER CHANGE?
OTOH, I don't want my kids to be hurt and ridiculed by conformist assholes, but the world is full of conformist assholes, and that's not my kids fault. It's not my fault either. I find it hard to understand, even though I see the logic, that I should feel responsible for the actions and words of insenitive assholes.
But in the realm of reality, if my say kindergarten age kid went to school wearing something that did not fit his or her gender role and was ridiculed for it, I'd certainly be choosing from one of a number of options: taking them out of that school, trying to complain with the school officials, conforming. And my reaction might be a combination of all three.
Now if my teenage kid came home from school crying because he wore a skirt and the other kids mocked him, we'd have a long talk about it and see if he wanted to fight it, or let it go for now.
Yes it depends on the age. The school. The specific circumstance. But my point was twofold:
1. Our gender socialization is arbitrary and anachronistic.
2. If it doesn't start changing somehow, it never will.
Because I have absolutely no energy to try to teach Joe Random a lesson in gender socialization NOW, and I don't even have an infant keeping me up all night.
My kids will probably hate me.
I refuse to let my kids be walking billboards for Nickelodoen. Or even PBS.
Yep, my kids are gonna hate me.
But the moment she got choice in her own clothing, she elected to go with *cringe* pinks and oranges. It makes me weep!
My kids are TOTALLY going to hate me. Until they have the wisdom of hindsight. Or something.
I geuss what I am saying is, while trying to provide a gender neutral environment for your child is a decent thing, listen to what they want as well. If the boy still decides to play football, or the girl decides she wants tea sets and dolls, let them be that person too.
I like to think I would never tell my kids "no" in regards to something perfectly reasonable, and encourage them to be whoever they are, even if that falls into the pretty pink pony princess area. :)
But when she falls down, I tell her to shake it off when it isn't serious. I tell her all the time she is big and strong and smart. We play with cars and blocks. But she also brushes my hair, and her own hair. She likes to play a game where we take turns kissing a doll saying, "Aw." Yesterday she attended a St. Patrick's day party, and ended up hovering around the six year old boys playing a board game as opposed to the multi-aged girls doing crafts.
Promoting gender neutral stuff is a good idea, but I would rather teach Maggie that she isn't hindered by being a girl. That she doesn't have to be a boy in order to feel good about herself.
And secretly I hope she is gay so she doesn't get knocked up before she's ready.
What on earth would make someone pierce a child's ears before s/he asks for it and understands that it's going to hurt and needs to be kept clean etc etc. I think *that* particular comment might get some really scathing uncalled-for public excoriation of said Meddling Mouthbreather. Anyone sticks a needle in my baby and it had better be a vaccination.
Anyway, my mom dressed me in pink. See how feminine I am?
Promoting gender neutral stuff is a good idea, but I would rather teach Maggie that she isn't hindered by being a girl. That she doesn't have to be a boy in order to feel good about herself.
This is a good way of putting it. I also want to get across that I do not directly associate masculine and feminine with boy and girl, so that puts a whole other spin on it... people can get confused and interpret the word "girl" to mean "possess feminine traits and behaviors" and boy/masculine, etc. Ya know?
So there.