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[aoû. 2e, 2008|11:06 pm] |
Perhaps, it is that flexible concept that defines relationships and how they develop, maybe you need to not be with someone in order to love them properly. Maybe it is just a shitty old world and you gotta accept love anyway it comes to you. With me, I usually only ever get love in small portions or in abnormal or conditional ways that never stay too long. Do I like it like that...who knows. That is like wondering if you had a different mom, would you be better off. No, instead you cherish what you have. I love my mom, because she is the only mom I will ever have, and I love my fucked up incomplete loves, because they are all I have ever known.
I read something about memories, and how in a way, every time you remember something, you relive it and destroy the old memory, leaving yourself with the new version that is filtered through who you are now, changed a little bit.
I suffer from spilling too many words and images that are too strong because my desire to be understood directly conflicts with my aversion to being understood too well.
http://www.asofterworld.com/bw-display.php?id=2
ho hum. |
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[juil. 23e, 2008|10:29 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | *groan* carla bruni...yeahyeah. | ] |
on me dit que l'destin se moque bien de nous
qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout
paraît que le bonheur est à portée de main
alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...
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[juil. 6e, 2008|11:15 pm] |
restless.
restless.
restless. |
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| "Ce n'est pas parce qu'il ne t'est rien revenu, que ce n'est rien devenu… " |
[avr. 6e, 2008|06:52 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | it never changes to stop--the books | ] |
Nous ne savons jamais ce qui se perd ou ce qui reste, à quel moment nous avons fait un geste ou prononcé une parole qui sera peut-être décisive pour la suite d'une histoire, la nôtre ou celle de l'autre, d'un autre... quelles graines trouveront une terre favorable et s'enracineront, pour longtemps peut-être, et lesquelles se perdront.
Ni tambours ni trompettes, l'instant est passé, la phrase a été dite, sans que nul ne s'en aperçoive. Des semaines ou des années plus tard peut-être, on vous dira: "C'est le jour où tu m'as dit..." ou peut-être on ne vous dira rien, vous ne saurez jamais. Le début d'une amitié, les germes d'une rupture, ou même une rencontre de passage, une seule phrase, qui fait basculer d'un côté ou de l'autre...
Nous ne savons pas davantage ce qu'il reste d'un amour qui se termine, ni comment cette invisible empreinte évoluera au fil du temps. L'amour donné, reçu, ne disparaît pas mais devient autre, chemine en nous, à notre insu…
( ad hoc translation )
http://www.maisonplume.net/devenir.htm
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[sep. 10e, 2007|01:21 am] |
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"The act of instruction can be viewed as helping the students unravel individual strands of belief, label them, and then weave them into a fabric of more complete understanding." |
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[juin. 10e, 2007|12:45 am] |
"... although the truth is I am not in love with her, she said, 'I love you,' I told her how I felt, this is how I told her: I held her hands out to her sides, pointed her index fingers toward each other and slowly, very slowly, moved them in, the closer they got, the more slowly I moved them, and then, as they were about to touch, as they were only a dictionary page from touching, pressing on opposite sides of the word 'love,' I stopped them and held them here."
-Jonathan Safran Foer
there was something about the handwriting
that made me keep every scrap
something about the way the eyes
looked away at the last
i kept somethin burnin
on the sill real low
(but now i don't know)
have you got me
in your bleeding heart file
next to lady luck
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| words. |
[mai. 20e, 2007|03:20 am] |
"She is no longer as certain that the object is entirely recuperable, no longer as arrogant as to presume a subject position that is inviolable, no longer as naive as to think the transactions of knowledge are innocent."
-biman basu |
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[mai. 22e, 2006|09:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | hopeful. | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | i am yours-tracy chapman | ] |
"there's so much beauty in this world that people just don't see..."
-grandpa |
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[mai. 12e, 2006|10:55 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | hesitant and scared. | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | horizon variations- max richter | ] |
i find myself listening to depressing music, and i start to laugh and think "i'm glad hil's outta the room cause when she comes back she's totally going to make fun of me for this."
only to realize:
she isn't coming back.
no one's coming in here to check on me.
it's just me...
alone
sitting
my back shielding me
from her empty side of the room
...those glarring white walls make me wince.
these words are frustrating because they are too verbose to capture this feeling of (almost) complete stillness. the only sounds are the rain drops whispering outside my window + the few lonely, solitary, notes coming out of my speakers.
nothing more.
nothing less.
change is so much easier to deal with when you're busy. when it's a whirlwind of excitement, endless hellos and goodbyes, a set of obtainable objectives. sometimes it's easy to completely miss that moment when you sit down and realize that it's just you. wearing a set of clothes which you will eventually discard, carrying around items which will eventually break or be put into storage, thinking about troubles and people that will come to mean nothing yet somehow everything.
suddenly
i feel very small. |
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[avr. 13e, 2006|10:18 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | what it was and what it is | ] |
i'm such a dysfunctional, yet somehow functioning, wreck right now.
the irony that i am being photographed tomorrow to be a representative for smith (via the "i am smith" profile thing) amazes me.
don'tcha know who i am
because i don't know myself anymore
(i just wanna see)
because i didn't know what it was before
i didn't know what it was..
i knew you before
feeling emotion, maybe,
i look at you now
and question the future
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| a perceptive piece of truth |
[avr. 12e, 2006|08:54 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | the books-smells like content | ] |
balace
repition
composition
mirrors
most of all the world is a place
where parts of wholes are described
whithin an overarching paradigm of clarity
and accuracy
the context of which makes possible
an underlying sense of the way it all fits together
despite our collective tendancy not to concieve of it as such
but then again
the world without end
is a place where souls are combined
but with an overbearing feeling of disparity,
disorderliness
to ingnore is impossible
without getting oneslef
into all kinds of trouble
despite one's best intentions
not to get entangled with it so much
and meanwhile the statues are bleeding green
and others are saying things
much better than we ever could
as the quiet becomes suddenly verbose
and the hail is heralding the size of nickles,
and the street corners are gnashing together
like gears inside the head
of some omnicient engineer
and downward flows the garnered wisdom
that has never died
when finally we opened the box
we couldn't find any rules
our heads were reeling with a glut of possibilities,
contingencies
but with ever increasing faith
we decided to go ahead and just ingnore them
despite tremendous pressure to capitulate and fade
so instead we went ahead
to fabricate a catalog
of unstable elements
and modicums
and particles with non-zero total strangeness
for brief moments which amount
to nothing more than tiny fragments of a finger snap
and meanwhile we're furiously sleeping green
and the map has started tearing along it's creases
due to overuse
when in reality, it's never needed folds
and the air's witholding the sound
of its wellspring,
and our heads are approacing a density
reminiscient of the infinite connectivity
of the center of the sun
and therein lies the garnered wisdom
that has never died
expectation leads to disappointment
if we don't expect something big, huge, and exciting
usually, uh
i dont know, it's just not as
...yeah...
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[fév. 13e, 2006|01:19 am] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | the books-a little longing goes a long way | ] |
i'm soooooooooo ready to get outta this town.
(let the countdown begin)
yes and no are just distinguished by distinction,
so we choose the in-between
give up your books and put an end to your worries
enjoy central park in spring
our minds are empty
like we're too young to know to smile
we know to fear what others fear, is nonsense
(right?)
the books suggest we set our hearts
on doing nothing,
and then nothing's left undone
everybody's busy waiting for the go ahead
but by then their heads are gone
our minds are empty
graves as well as strange
(take this)
we know to seek success is utter nonsense
the best is to be blank.
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[jan. 2e, 2006|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | amused | ] |
really, can a hometown get any better than this? didn't think so
clickity-click!:
( Read more... ) |
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[nov. 20e, 2005|11:52 pm] |
"i'm tired of feeling"
and
"i'm too tired to feel"
...are appearing remarkably similar to me right now. |
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[nov. 10e, 2005|11:02 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | apathetic | ] |
fall 05 playlist...
1. the execution of all things- rilo kiley
2. put a lid on it - squirrel nut zippers
3. the good that won't come out- rilo
4. on the bound-fiona
5. woman king- iron & wine
6. freedom- melissa ferrick
7. hey boy-the blow
8. the truth- handsome boy modeling school
9. the first taste- fiona
10. blue-joni
11. deadweight on velveteen- jose gonzalez
12. 20.000 seconds- k's choice
13. faded from the winter- iron & wine
14. heartbeats-jose
15. walk away-ben harper
16. erin mckeown- dirt gardener
i miss all my old playlists. but at least now i'm making new ones. |
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[oct. 30e, 2005|06:54 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | heartbeats- jose gonzalez | ] |
fall is fading away...
mm.
( exquisite ) |
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[oct. 5e, 2005|12:39 am] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | it happens in the smallest way, it happens all the time... | ] |
it's the balance between inhibitions, desire, curiosity and sanity. |
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[sep. 28e, 2005|12:25 am] |
my current wallpaper. cause i'm just that desperate to avoid this french paper.
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[mai. 11e, 2005|11:31 pm] |
so i'm a copycat. meh.
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
07. Put this in your journal |
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