Like *sh00ting stars* we ~shine~, we {fade}, breaking the >promises< we made [entries|friends|calendar] .·:*¨.¨*:·.Shell.·:*¨.¨*:·. [ website | +.Randomcs.+ ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

**I hate you but I love you, I can't stop thinking of you** [03 Mar 2005|09:18pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Right Here Waiting // Richard Marx ] It's been a year since I did this... "I hate you, I truly do. Every sight of you just makes me cringe. I hate how you dont care about me and I hate the way you mess with my emotions. I hate you so bad that it hurts me more than you'll ever know. When I get over you, you waltz back into my life and act like nothing ever happened. You act like that dork that I fell for. I hate you for doing that and I hate you for being you. You have condemned me to this torture and this tug of war. I hate you and thats all I can say about you. I can say it thousands of times and shout it on top of a mountain for the whole world to hear. Maybe if I say it enough times, I can get myself to believe it." Love x Michelle x Catch a falling star

**Goodbye To You** [31 Jan 2005|09:05pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Goodbye to you // Michelle Branch ] Of all the things I've believed in I just wanna get it over with, tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, counting the days that pass me by. I've been searching deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old, the last three years were just pretend and I said goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew, you were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to. I used to get lost in your eyes and it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away, to a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right. Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew, you were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to. And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you but I'm not giving in this time. Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew, you were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to...And when the stars fall I will lie awake, you're my shooting star. x Shell x Catch a falling star

**Things I'll never say** [28 Jan 2005|09:42pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | Stop // Jamelia ] Erm well today was alright I guess. I'm being moved down in maths. yay. actually happy about, maybe someone will believe i'm not clever now. =s Had quite a good convo with Sammy at break. Been hanging out with her quite a lot recently Bunked sociology, freaked Sam out at lunch with Phileepe and Majorie. =p Erm went to auntie christine's afterschool, spoke to Ben for ages. Which was kl. Just talking to Sam about how you don't realise good things till they're gone. Which is true. It's shit to think that I wasted so much of my time complaining when things were actually okay..Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, make it alright. So many things I'd say or wouldn't say..It seems now all I have are memories and even those are fading. Party soon. I don't know what is going to happen. Hopefully it'll be good but who knows. *sighs* x Shell x x The truth is we only hide to see who will find us, We walk away just to see who will follow us, And we break hearts just to see what they really meant to us x p.s I cried today, as I walking down the road. I cried cause I saw everything you took from me and how you displayed it all infront of me like it was some kind of show. Maybe you're proud of how bad you've made me feel.. I just want you to know though, that every time I look at you a burning hatred boils up inside and I want nothing more than for you to just GO AWAY! 3 Caught * Catch a falling star

**Bittersweet memories is all that i'm taking with me** [26 Jan 2005|09:16pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Don't know much // Linda Ronstadt ft. Aaron Neville ] hey well today, went to see La Traviata (sp?) in London. Twas good. On the way there me and Mulbz played pictionary, cause we're super kl. Only I was really good at it and Mulbz pretty much sucked. haha. When we got there me and Mulbz just went round the shops, didnt buy anything thought. Watched the opera. Twas an experience but not really for me. Good singing though. On the way back me and Mulbz got really hyper and were making faces and freaking people out, was so funi. We made up two character, Phileepe (me) and Majorie (mulbz). Classic. =) all in all a good day Love x Shell x x I don't know much, but I know that I love you, and that may be all I need to know x x Wash away my misery x x Holding on so tight, loving her like you used to love me x x I keep forgetting things will never be the same again, I keep forgetting how you made that so clear, I keep forgetting everytime I hear how you never want to live a lie, how it's gone too far x Catch a falling star

**Holding on so tight** [23 Jan 2005|10:05pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Talking in your sleep // Crystal Gayle ] Yesterday, did paper round, laze around. Me and mum decided to leave the house and do something. We went to sainsbury's and bought flowers and the ultimate all time classic tearjerkers cd. =P Tis good. Full of old love songs. Then went to blockbusters and rented The Butterfly Effect and bought Gothika. Went home, watched Charmed. I'm really getting into it again. *laughs* Wyatt is the cutest kid. Was meant to be going out with Mulbz but I felt a bit shit so didn't. Had dinner, then watched The Butterfly Effect. Was really good. Very Clever. Then went with Gemma to pick up Jamal. Twas a bit weird. Me and Gemma have a theory that Jamal can't deal with hellos and goodbyes..cause he's always weird at airports. Came home watched tv and went to bed. Gem and Jamal decided to jump on my bed and tell me it was christmas to wake me up this morning. Tis amazing to think they are 2 and 4years older than me.. Kicked Jamal in the groinal area and then got out of bed. Got ready to go to Dads, but got to the station and the trains were all messed up and it would have taken me like 2hours to get there, as well as changes so wasn't much point as it was about 12 and I had to be home by 4/5. Came home, cleared out some of my room ao we can redecorate, then watched tv and did crappy homework. Tis weird I haven't really been hanging out with my friends much at weekends, more spending time with my mum. I don't really know what's going on in my life at the moment. It's easier this way. *sighs* Well best go, love, x Shell x Catch a falling star

**I think I've already lost you, I think you're already gone** [20 Jan 2005|10:19pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | If You're Gone // Matchbox 20 ] It doesn't get better... Pip asked out Angelina. She said no...I kinda feel sorry for the poor guy. I guess he doesn't want my sympathies though. Ah well. Work sucks. I'm losing people. I'm pushing people away. I'm confused. Argh. x Why do I do the things I do ? x x Shell x p.s I haven't really updated properly lately, but this is all I can work out at the moment. I wrote a couple of lame story/poems..confusion.. Catch a falling star

**What you thinking? Stop blaming me?** [18 Jan 2005|08:01pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | He wasn't man enough for me // Toni Braxton ] I feel so...crap...and out of the loop. It's like I've been replaced or something. Sucks. I thought people cared. I didn't know it would feel like this. I didn't realise I would allow this to happen. I don't understand. Is there something wrong with me? Seriously? Argh. I hate you Started diet today. Love Shell.x. Catch a falling star

**Inseparable, that's how we were...** [16 Jan 2005|09:30pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | There's no me without you // Toni Braxton ] Sighs. Nothing is going right. I hate sitting here and watching it fall. Seeing the tears. I don't like it and I can't deal with it. I say the wrong things. I talk about Dad. I'm scared. I'm actually scared. I don't know whether it's ever going to be alright. Too much hurt. Sighs. The people I need aren't here and it's all my fault. I don't really know why I do the things I do. Is it really worth it? Life? Is it really all that? And it goes back to that again..I really don't know anymore, just when things seem to be going right, everything changes. I will never understand that. .x.Inseparable that's how we were.x. .x.I'm sick of you, I'm through with you I'm done with you, I'm tired of you, I'm tired of your lies, I ain't gonna cry no more.x. .x.how could you do this to me? never hurt so much.x. .x.I just don't care anymore, I've reached the end of my tether, I've torn all the letters up, I just don't care anymore, Won't cry these tears anymore, I just don't care anymore, I've reached the end of my rope and it's time that I told you so, I just don't care anymore, Won't cry these tears anymore.x. .x.There's no me without you There's no meaning to life without you Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair When I can't stop the thinking about you There's no moon without you There's no Saturday nights without you There's no walk through the park No beat in my heart No I love you, No I can't live without you You told me everything would be cool Said I wouldn't always feel blue How come I feel like a wreck How come the skies are all gray How come my eyes are all red Why am I alone in bed You told me everything would be fine Why am I losing my mind How come I feel like a fool Why do I keep losing you Why do I love in despair When you're not there There's no me without you There's no meaning to life without you Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair When I can't stop the thinking about you There's no moon without you There's no Saturday nights without you There's no walk through the park No beat in my heart No I love you, No I can't live without you So blue for you So deep in love with you So hard to say bye-bye When you know how hard I've tried I, I, I tried baby No No No No You told me everything would be fine Why am I losing my mind How come I feel like a fool Why do I keep losing you Why do I love in despair When you're not there There's no me without you There's no meaning to life without you Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair When I can't stop the thinking about you There's no moon without you There's no Saturday nights without you There's no walk through the park No beat in my heart No I love you, No I can't live without you.x. .x.Shell.x. 1 Caught * Catch a falling star

Well fuck them and fuck him and fuck her and fuck you. [14 Jan 2005|05:56pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Silence ] You're fucking pathetic...all of you. Get a life and stop ruining other people's. As for me, life is crap due to certain people. *sighs* FUCK YOU Love always. *sarcastic smile* 1 Caught * Catch a falling star

**I will love you always...** [12 Jan 2005|10:41pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | Always // Bon Jovi ] ( Superstars of Heartache ) ( Stop )   ( Always )</u></strong> Catch a falling star

**Well I'm such a bore, such a fucking whore, superstar of heartache** [12 Jan 2005|09:25pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Superstars Of Heartache // Rachel Stamp ] God I duno what's happening at the moment. It's all so confusing. =( One minute I'm fine, next I'm not. Ah. .x.I gave you reason to love, I gave you reason to leave, I'll give you reason to hate me.x. I'm pissed off at so many people, but I find myself being nice to them day in, day out. I don't know why cause some of them I hate so much. I just keep thinking what the fuck are you doing Shell...if they upset you, why are you being nice to them? *sighs* Sometimes life just sucks. That sounds lame. I want everything to be okay for everyone. .x.Shell.x. Catch a falling star

**I think I'm scared...I think too much** [11 Jan 2005|10:17pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | If You're Gone // Matchbox 20 ] I think I've already lost you I think you're already gone I think I'm finally scared now You think i'm weak, I think you're wrong I think you're already leaving Feels like your hand is on the door I thought this place was an empire Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure I think you're so mean I think we should try I think I could need this in my life I think I'm scared I think too much I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home There's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move If you're gone, baby you need to come home, oh come home There's a little bit of something me in everything in you I bet you’re hard to get over I bet the room just won’t shine I bet my hands I can stay here I bet you need - more than you mind I think you're so mean I think we should try I think I could need this in my life I think I'm just scared that I know too much I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home There's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move If you're gone, baby you need to come home There's a little bit of something me in everything in you I think you're so mean I think we should try I think I could need this in my life and I think I'm scared Do I talk too much I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home There's an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move If you're gone, hell baby you need to come home There's a little bit of something me in everything in you Catch a falling star

**The tears you cry I will drive them all the way away** [10 Jan 2005|09:15pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Flowers // Sweet Female Attitude ] God some people are so fucking annoying. I fucking hate being here sometimes. What the fuck is going on. I love you. I hate you. I need you. This is all so screwed. I duno what the hell I did. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I can't fucking stand this anymore. .Michelle. Catch a falling star

**What are we doing?** [09 Jan 2005|10:21pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | But I Do Love // LeAnn Rimes ] Dear, Person one: I miss you so fucking much. Everyday I think about you and it hurts, but I can see that you're happy. I still miss you though. I'll always be sorry about what happened. I hate that you don't even seem to acknowledge my existance and I care so much about yours. Person two: Haven't you noticed what's happening? It's getting weirder and weirder everytime we hang out. I hate that you've lied and you don't care anymore. I wana be there, but I can't when you hardly talk to me anymore and you're never there for me. I don't really know what to do. Person three: You don't love me and I don't love you so what are we doing? It is very lame. Get a life. Person four: I hate you, I hate you for what you have done to other people and I hate you for what you are doing to me. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. You need to look around, see what you are doing. All you care about is getting what you want. You're a manipulative bitch. Always have been. Please stop hurting me and other people. Love, Shell 3 Caught * Catch a falling star

**Every moment of my life from now until I die, I will think or dream of you** [09 Jan 2005|09:40pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Written In The Stars // LeAnn Rimes & Elton John ] Ah I had this dream last night. I hate dreams like that cause they always come when I think I'm okay and I'm over it and I'm fine. I guess it's just my mind telling me I'm not okay. Sometimes I hate waking up. Realising that nothing is perfect and my life is a mess. I hate getting out of bed to start a new day when I have nothing to live for. I don't even have the friends I had before. Sighs. ].x.[I miss you sooo much, it tears me up.].x.[ Shell Catch a falling star

**Give a little bit, give a little bit of my love to you** [06 Jan 2005|08:20pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | How Could An Angel Break My Heart // Toni Braxton ] So tired... School today: got 13/15 on sociology test. Gerarde was being really mean at break. I was trying to ignore him but stil kinda hurt. Sighs. Lunch was a bit shit, had a laugh with Mulbz though doing our impressions of Little Britain. Continued to do them through English. Couldn't stop laughing. Work after school, was boring. Talked to Hannah. Going to hers tomorrow. .x.I wish I didn't wish so hard, maybe I wished our love apart.x. .x.I hope she doesn't make him laugh, because his laugh belongs to me.x. .x.I wana be like one of those girls in the movies, to have a man so in love it makes him drop to his kness.x. .x.Shell.x. Catch a falling star

**You try to say the things that you can't undo** [04 Jan 2005|07:52pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Fall To Pieces // Avril Lavigne ] All my life I never learned how to just walk away   Although you may not love me, although you may not care, If you shall ever need me, you know that I'll be there. Your love may all be taken, your heart may not be free, but when your heart is broken...you can always lean on me. I'll never stop loving you, I know because I've tried. All the oceans in the world can't hold the tears I've cried ..   I looked at him, and& he looked at me, and it was almost like..for a split second, we forgave eachother for everything   I see you there, holding her hand.. I'm lost in confusion trying to understand.. I loved you so much.. and what do I get.. My broken heart stepped on, and my eyes are always wet..   Like shooting stars we shine and then we fade, breaking the promises we made.   Messed up, but that's what I do. It's in my blood, my life is so fucked up and as soon as I get something that I can classify as normal I mess it up. I never mean to hurt you, you were the only good I had but I had to mess it up. If my life wasn't a mess, well it wouldn't be mine.   TRUE STRENGTH is being able to hold it all together, when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart.   You never know what you have until you loose it, then when you loose it, you can never get it back.   Sometimes you have to try not to care...no matter how much you really do.   When you start to miss me... Remember you're the one who let me go   I hate knowing we've changed. I miss you so much. It tears me up knowing you don't look at me as the best friend i used to be to you. No matter what, you'll always be mine.   . I think the only reason why people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does.   Another new year; another new start Memories will fade; but stay in your heart So make the best of this *b e g i n n i n g* and just have a blast ; but Dont forget about happiness in the past   Too often we don't realize what we have until its » gone « Too often we wait too long to say "Im sorry, I was wrong." Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones we hold *dearest* to our hearts and we allow foolish things to t-e-a-r our lives a-p-a-r-t   My head is saying: [[ Who Cares About him?]] My heart is screaming: [[I do...]]   So back to school, wasn't that bad I guess. Me and Sam are going to Tunbridge Wells on Saturday. Random. I think it's getting easier...who knows...   Love, .x.Shell.x. 1 Caught * Catch a falling star

**Why don't you remember how it feels not to give a damn for anyone but me** [03 Jan 2005|09:41pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | If There's Any Justice (remix) // Lemar & Cassidy ] Dreading school. Argh. I bet it's really shit. Tomorrow: 1 month since I cut. 1 month since my party 1 month since I got drunk 10 months since the beginning of an end Fun... Here is me on new years eve. .x.Shell.x. 2 Caught * Catch a falling star

**Living Without You Is Driving Me I n s a n e ** [03 Jan 2005|01:05am] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Flowers // Sweet Female Attitude ] "I think that some people are just meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time...and then you move on. Some friendships, even the best, maybe they aren't meant to be fixed after they're broken." -Dawson's Creek "These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is ... it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget" How can I just let you walk away? Just let you leave without a trace? When I stand here taking every breath.....with you You're the only one who really knew me at all How can you just walk away from me? When all I can do is watch you leave? Cause we shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now Cuz there's just an empty space There's nothing left here to remind me just the memory of a face So take a look at me now Cause there's just an empty space And you comin' back to me is against the odds and that's what I've gotta face I wish I could just make you turn around Turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, So many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now Cuz there's just an empty space There's nothing left here to remind me just the memory of a face So take a look at me now Cause there's just an empty space And you comin' back to me is against the odds and that's what I've gotta face Take a good look at me now Cause I'll still be standing here And you coming back to me is against all odds It's a chance I've gotta take Take a look at me now Catch a falling star

**I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you** [02 Jan 2005|02:39pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | tv ] ( +.Bold the things that apply.+ )</b> Catch a falling star

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