Fucking Brittany god dammit. Not drunk. Why

I'm druck. I can't type things.

I like boys, but mostly Danny, Excpt he's leaving.

I ahte that he's leaving.

You should all read death note, or watch it. Fucking amazing.

I'm yelling.

Tonight is so fucking awesome, I love everyone.

I don't like red lines.

Courtney is so fucking goddamn awesome holy shit

I love living\

I win the award for best livejournal post ever

Sorry for lack of actual posts, but I just don't have time right now. In fact, I should be studying for my Western European Politics final like I studied for my American Presidency final, which I think I just rocked. But...coming out of an academic endeavor feeling confident is usually a bad sign, so we'll see.

I heard this was in some movie, so I wanted to see what everyone's responses would be. It's a rather personal question, so I'll make anonymous posting an option (as always, against my better judgment...I hate anonymous). I will also be screening anonymous comments, so they won't appear right away. I sincerely hope for real, honest answers!

The question is:
If you died right now, and went to heaven, and you could choose only one moment you lived in your life to relive for the rest of eternity, what would it be?

I will never again accept anything less than what I deserve.

Today has been strange in that I was busy all day but had lots of time to think.

Just a few minutes ago I found myself thinking, "I'll have more time to do that when..."
And I end that sentence in a multitude of ways.

When...
Summer comes.
Finals are over.
I finish this paper.
At the end of this week.
After the LSAT.
When my wisdom teeth are out.
After I graduate.

But, the fact of it is, I strive for a high-paying, high-energy, fast-paced sort of career. So I have to learn to effectively live my life while it is hectic now so that I have these skills as I get older.

But, for now, the end of the semester is a much sought-after goal to survive to!!!

Little 500 week was drunk as usual...being sober actually feels slightly more foreign at this point. But it was fun, lots of good company was involved.

Warm weather may be just around the corner...for real...?

Random thoughts that I have to write somewhere to get them out of my head:
I regret nothing that I have done in my life. No day has been wasted, no time or emotion in vain. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that applies to my past. I look forward to seeing where it all leads.

I want to work on being a more calm person in general. Everyone at works thinks I am crazy, and admittedly I AM much crazier there, but it seems to be a general consensus as of late. And it's an image I don't enjoy, so however gradually I will change it. But overall I really enjoy myself and how awesome I am.

Currently, I enjoy the idea of being lost.

I got one of those feelings today of irrevocably moving forward (after all, forward is really the only way any of us should be going). And it makes me feel empowered, like nothing can stop me, and like the world is at my feet. Like I can handle anything thrown at me in any fashion, and even the idea of a difficult exam and paper within the next three days does not make me nervous or worried. The only time today that I did not feel like this was when things spiraled out of my control...but the feeling quickly returned. I hope it will stay.

On my drive home tonight, I thought about how every person on this earth is just doing their best to get by each day and make it all it could possibly be (read: hurt as little as possible). That maybe I am too harsh on people sometimes for being the way they are, because we are all only doing what we think is best to achieve our ends.

We really do have to let go in order to know what's right.

I'm looking out for myself in a way I never have before, and it feels amazing. No one will ever mistreat me again as long as there is something within my power to stop it.

Anyway...got an early class tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing alright, and enjoyed my deepest (though perhaps vague) insights. Goodnight...

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive, and that things are going relatively well. I'm on my usual downward slope of how much I care about classes (read: less and less...) and hoping that this Little 500 week will be the best one yet. With a keg on the way to Jess's and warm weather possibly being here to stay, I feel there is probably early-morning beer pong/flippy cup and power hour in my near future.

And of course a foam party sometime this week and KDR trying to convince me to jello wrestle for the third year running. Good luck, boys.

Anyway, life is good, but I really can't wait til summer. Only a few more really difficult weeks then I'm home free!!!

All I want, more than anything else in the world right now, is for it to actually be spring. It's like the meteorologists on TV are mocking me with their "Well it's about 10 degrees colder than usual for this time of year" bullshit. It's the end of March, it's time to be spring for real, k? Not hailing on my way to class on the first day I decided to venture out in only a sweatshirt. Good choice, self.

Anyway, everything else is hectic! I'm busy every weekend, I can hardly keep up with school, and minus this weather, everything seems to be going well. I have to register for fall semester soon and sign up for an LSAT course to keep things on track. I've got a couple papers to write in the next month and plenty of exams to worry about until then, but my weekends of good company and weeknights of too much video game playing more than make up for my worries. My little brother is in town this week, and I got next weekend off work to spend with him before he leaves, and I'm really excited about it! We stayed up way too late last weekend playing Brawl and I'm sure there is much to come this weekend =).

Meanwhile, my bank account has suffered thanks to Spring Break, so I'm trying to save up more money for Florida part two and so that I can buy food, lol. Oh, and for tanning. No one believes that I went to Florida cause I came back so pale =(. Oh! And of course I need money for alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

I'm excited for summer for sooo many reasons. Not only does it mean no classes, but warm weather!!! I know I rant on and on about the weather and I'm sure you're all sick of hearing it; but hopefully in about a year (and some change) when I'm off to law school, you won't hear it quite so much.

I'm excited about the weekend after next too cause we're having another Outback girl party, and hopefully I won't pass out this time! In a little over a month I'll be throwing a going-away party for Danny, which should be lots and lots of fun, cause it will be warm, and I can bring out my fancy beer pong table!!

So I guess I should go try to be productive or something, even though I really don't want to. I just signed up for a bunch of psych experiments that I have to do for credit in my class, and I absolutely HAVE to clean my apartment (read: room) tonight cause Anthony is coming tomorrow, and I don't want him to see how his sister really is!! But who knows if I will have time...soo much to do.

I need new icons.

Ok, /ADD, thanks for reading! Much <3

First of all, I hope everyone who had a Spring Break last week enjoyed it...and everyone who didn't, sucks to be you, but I hope you had a good week regardless =).

My Spring Break was spent mostly in Orlando, Florida, and it was, as my subject line implies, fabulous.

There is so much, I'm not even sure where to begin.

But I know it's going to be long, so if you really want to know, I'll ( cut ) it for you.

The short version is: Florida was awesome. It has made me realize more what I already knew: that I have to live somewhere with a warmer climate if I am going to survive. I brought home a real palm tree, so we'll see if that actually works out. The fact that the wind is blowing harshly outside right now makes me want to close my eyes and picture the palm tree right outside our balcony and pretend the wind is the random high-pitched noise we heard periodically outside our resort. Honestly, it almost works.

Today is St. Patty's Day though, and that is cause for celebration. Tonight I'll be drinking green beer and meandering about enjoying a last Spring Break-ish hurrah before really getting back into classes.

I just hope spring is here to stay.

Much <3, and for Spring Break pictures, they will be posted later today on my facebook, which I have a link to in my profile.

Florida was awesome, I want to go back, Jess and I are lovers.

More later, when I'm actually in an updating mood! 

So here you go: an update.

My paid account has expired again...and I don't think I'm going to renew it this time. All it does for me really is give me ScrapBook, and I have a facebook, so I find it unnecessary. Oh well.

Ho's party was this past weekend of course, I had a grand old time. The best part I think was definitely catching up with Juli and getting an invite to the wedding...yay road trips to Virginia. I can probably work something out to go see my parents in Maryland as well. But the party was pretty typical as far as these things go...got to see lots of people who I only see once a year, play some video games, and have a good time sans alcohol =).

Tonight will not be as such, coincidentally. Axis of Evil will be at Jake's so some friends and myself will be going to that. This is my only significant break all day, and stupid me had to sleep in. I was gonna work out when I got up, but 8:30 rolled around and I was just like, "No." Then Izzy came up to cuddle with me and we slept until 10. So I've already had my first class, my second is at 1:25, work at 3:30, Jake's as soon as I get home from work. Geez.

The working out thing has almost become routine though. I'm working my hardest at it...I will have the body I want by bikini season, mark my words.

Other than that, things are just kinda coasting. I am absolutely exhausted of this weather, as always, but there is nothing to do but live with it. I would just be much happier with a smaller energy bill and less clothing required to wear outside. And more sun. That would be fantastic.

On the bright side, Spring Break(s) are approaching, and therefore good times (minus midterm exams). I don't think I'm going anywhere exciting (of course), but I get to see Daniel Tosh, spend lots of time with Shannon, and make some major dolla dolla bills for the week. Oh yes, and probably be drunk for most of it. Yay!

The pictures from my 21st birthday are on my facebook, by the way, so you should all wander over there and check them out. They are full of hilariosity.

I guess that's about it for me...talk to you all later =)

Ok, so my 21st was the best birthday ever.

Even though the group was smaller than anticipated, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I drank a lot, and Chad got the honor of buying me my first legal drink. I had lotsss of yummy drinks, though maybe a bit too quickly.

Started with a B-town classic (apparently), an AMF, followed shortly after by a Sex on the Beach, a Long Island Ice Tea, a Blowjob, a Pineapple Upside-down cake, a Red-Headed Slut, a Cherry Bomb, and a Screaming Orgasm. At least, I think that's all I had. Oh, and part of a Jager* Bomb.

Today was awesome too. My mom came with a cake and lasagna, and Jess and Britt came over all day. About a million people called or texted me. I had fun, and oh yeah THE GIANTS FUCKING WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!! Oooooh that was so amazing. I was so sure the Patriots would win, but as it turns out, my birthday was good luck =).

I'm grateful to all my friends this weekend, everything about it was so awesome.

Oh, except the LSAT. Thank God that is over. I studied as much as I could and did everything within my power to get a good score, so whatever happens happens. I'm glad for the opportunity, and I hope I did alright.

Now I need to get my license renewed, go to the dentist, get my hair cut, and start working out again. Simple, right?

I'm looking forward to the future.

I feel I should post just because I have the time.

Let's see, how are things going right now?

I went up to Chicago with Whitney and a couple other girls yesterday to see Wicked, and I was blown away. It was awesome, and I can't wait to see it again (which will hopefully be soonish). The drive was long though, so we'll probably find somewhere to stay overnight since that didn't work out.

I partied pretty hard all weekend, which was fun. Apparently Jess and I were the center of attention at KDR for a while...didn't quite recall that, but yay us!

I take the LSAT this coming Saturday, and I would be studying for it right now, but it's not worth my time to try to study in places where there are other people and constant distractions. That is one thing I have learned from my studying thus far. I got the day off work, and now should have the whole week off, to study. Thank God, I need every quiet moment I can get.

Of course promptly after I've taken the test we'll be going out for my birthday =) I'm pretty excited about the whole ordeal, but mostly just about getting everyone together for some good times. I look forward to the bars but don't plan on remembering anything about them.

Time is progressing in my life very strangely right now. It's going too quickly in general, but every day seems so long. I suddenly recall why people stay in relationships that maybe aren't the best - not only the sense of normalcy, but staving off the feelings of loneliness. It's why I hang out with friends constantly,  but this week is going to be a challenge in more than just the LSAT perspective. Spending all that time alone studying is not going to be fun, so at least I'll have my birthday as an extravagant pick-me-up afterwards.

Mostly I just want to jump ahead in life to the times that seem unreachable to me. Like law school, where I can meet new people and have real opportunities to move forward in some way. Sometimes Bloomington really feels like I'm standing still. I also know I'm in a slump right now, one that I want to overcome completely on my own. It's just taking a while. I would find it helpful for the weather to be warmer, but I guess you can't have everything.

Enough of my rambling for today, wish me luck this weekend! I hope I won't need it.

As almost everyone now knows, Heath Ledger died today.

I am in a state of devastation.

And I'm realizing that I've entered a new stage in my life, and it happened seamlessly. It's a stage where people I know are getting married and celebrities I love are old enough to overdose and throw their careers away.

This is beyond watching A Knight's Tale with a new sense of sadness, beyond the controversy of Brokeback Mountain, even beyond wondering if the new Batman movie will even be released now, and the previous hopes about how epic it was going to be.

This is the first celebrity death I've ever cared about. Recently I entered the realm of someone I actually know getting married.

These are stages in my life I wasn't entirely aware that I would have to deal with. But here they are...and they suck.

The family and friends of Heath Ledger are in my prayers, as are the die hard fans who are much more dedicated than I.

The film industry has lost someone who I considered to be a rising star with great potential.

Heath Ledger, you will be sorely missed.

Tonight, for the first time in months, I feel purely and truly happy.

Rolling in to my house at 5 a.m., having unbelievable amounts of fun doing nothing, having no drama or negative feelings whatsoever, just pure and simple friendship and good times.

Some things never change. My experiences are teaching me that the important things don't.

I feel so refreshed. I feel as though I was in a horrible slump, and now I'm waking up. I feel liberated and anything but lonely.

I'm completely high on life and everything that happened tonight. Every stupid little comment, Wii problem, and dance move.

I can feel a new beginning.

Thank God for my friends, and for these memorable encounters. I love you more than words can say, and I thank you for bringing me back.

2007 wasn't so bad. It could have been a lot better, but it could have been a lot worse. I at least feel like I have learned a lot and am better prepared than most for the rest of my life.

And somehow, through everything that happened, I have managed to not lose hope in the future or faith in God, and sometimes, in other people.

2008 is the beginning of many good things. First of all, it's the year I turn 21 (one month 2 days w00t). I'm taking the LSAT next month also, and my little brother is turning 17. It's the year before I graduate, reminding me just how long and short my time here at IU really is. Things can really only go up from where I am right now, and I'm grateful for that.

For anyone in or around Avon, my last trip up starts tomorrow and ends Friday night. So you better give me a call if you were hoping to see me, but I think I pretty much got everyone who I wanted to see =)

So, here we go. Resolutions and whatnot.

-Lose ten pounds by summer, so I can wear a bikini again
-Excel at the LSAT and start looking at law schools
-Get a 4.0 or close to it
-Stop putting up with things I don't deserve (I've been working on this a lot lately)
-Stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, and keep learning from the times in which I do
-Stop feeling behind on the race of life because morons my age are getting engaged and married
-Read more books...I love books
-Start volunteering again, geez!
-Be more patient
-Get a tattoo!
-Get new icons, amirite?

All of these things are more than achievable, and I look hopefully to what the new year holds. I have strong confidence in myself, my abilites, my knowledge, and my ambition.

And you should all check out my year in review, LJ-style. I guess I could try to resolve to post more next year, but we'll just have to see.
( 2007 Year in Review )

Now I'm off to play some video games before plenty of sleep (my month and a half of sickness is getting the shit kicked out of it by overdosing on Vitamin C), and my trip back up to Indy tomorrow.

Happy New Year, I sincerely hope the best for all of you.

Oh, and P.S. GO BLUE!! WAY TO TAKE DOWN THE GATORS WHEN NO ONE THOUGHT YOU WOULD!!! HELL YEAH BIG 10!!!

Somehow, I feel better.

And I'm actually looking forward to the next few days. =)

I HATE snow. And, of course, the only things that are covered are the roads. FANTASTIC.

This week has been hell. I haven't been sleeping enough, which is really bad cause I'm still trying to get over being sick. I have two finals and a paper due tomorrow, as well as a regular lecture that I have to prepare for in another class. I have to write about 28 case briefs to get much needed credit in a class tomorrow, and I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day.

Yet here I am, updating livejournal.

Otherwise life has been pretty good. I'm looking forward to break and next semester should be much easier than this one was. I am convinced, however, that good things don't really happen to me, and boys are the most confusing creatures on this planet.

Oh well. Back to homework of the Spanish variety.

I'm so happy I'm on break now. It's become more than a necessity...I do feel bad though cause my professor cancelled class after we got there today because no one was prepared. So much for extra credit. But oh well...

So, classic story of my life right now. I'm finally to a point where the emotional ups and downs have stopped, I've got my shit together, and I'm incredibly happy with the way things are going. So what happens? I get freaking sick off my ass. I have this absolutely horrible cold and I just want to sleep constantly, except I don't, because I don't feel good when I wake up. I'm talking killer cough, runny/stuffy nose, sneezing, aching, headaches, the works. No amount of daily vitamins or vitamin C has fought this thing off.

So it's been a long week.

And my car is falling apart. The change oil light came on today, my brakes seem worse every time I drive, and there are other unsettling things (like it almost dying sometimes) that randomly occur.

On the bright side, it's about 70 degrees outside right now. I know it won't last, but damn it's been nice.

Oh, and Avon got second at Grand Nationals this past weekend. Take that, Carmel! I was so excited for them.

I'm so pumped to get out of B-town for a few days. Being in Avon last weekend reminded me of all the good people I've been missing. It makes me look forward to Christmas break more than words can express.

I've been realizing a lot of things over these past couple weeks...seeing things as they are, and maybe always have been. I'm relieved...I'm liberated...and the truth is clear to me now. It's clearer than it ever was. I feel like I'm seeing things for the first time. I'm confident, and I'm free. You reap what you sow...and people get what they deserve, in the end.

The beautiful thing about it all is that I mean every word. Maybe for the first time in my whole life.

I'm not sure where my life is going right now...but I'm thoroughly enjoying the ride. Well, except for being sick ;)

Have a Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!

Oh goodness, today is definitely a relief.

My week of emotional hell has again come to a close. Thank God.

I can always tell right when I wake up, because that's always when you feel the worst in times of depression. You all know what I'm talking about - like after a breakup, when you wake up in the morning and all you can think about for a moment is that person - until you remember what's happened. It was like that...every day.

But today I woke up feeling refreshed, despite the fact that I had a dream that could have easily brought me down from my good feelings, it didn't. That's how I knew. In fact, the dream actually cheered me up a bit.

And the fact that I've been up for a while now and still don't feel bad is a pretty good indicator also.

Here's hoping that's the last of that. If it happens even once on the name brand pill, I'm calling it quits immediately. Severe depression and mood swings are not worth missing a few periods a year. So we'll see what happens.

So let's see...last Thursday and Friday were hell school-wise, but all that means is that I've got clear skies ahead for a week or so. Work has been insane, last night was a complete zoo, but hey, holiday season is just around the corner, and we should have expected this.

Colts v. Pats today...I'm excited and nervous for the Colts to win. Hopefully Outback will be dead so we can all watch the game.

Oh, and I'm still not a fan of Daylight Savings Time...even though it's kind of a benefit right now, I still think the whole idea is stupid. So there.

Well, I'm off to attempt productivity before work...go Colts!!

Even though I felt like Halloween was over after this weekend, where I skanked it up at KDR...oh well.

I'm just taking a moment before a long night's sleep to reflect on how my life is going right now.

I feel great. Everything I do now, I choose to do. I do nothing out of obligation (except obvious things such as going to class), nothing out of fear, and nothing out of emotional breakdowns. Sure, I have lapses; a couple this week that I wasn't too proud of - but those were my choices too. I choose when to act on emotions and when not to. And by God, I will continue this fight to control my life and my emotions until it is no longer a battle, but simply the way I live. I have nothing but full confidence in myself. Life is what I am making it day to day.

Today, for the first time, I went into a bathroom in Woodburn Hall. In fact, I have never even used a bathroom on campus before. I was surprised at what I found there. Instead of crude bathroom graffiti on the walls, I saw words of strength, compassion, and inspiration. I also had to ask myself who brings sharpies into bathroom stalls...but nonetheless, the compassion of fellow women can sometimes shock and surprise me.

Not to mention, it was absolutely gorgeous outside today. I know our nice days are numbered, but I'm enjoying every one.

I have a rough couple of school days ahead of me with two exams, a paper, and a presentation, but I'll be celebrating this weekend like no other. Today was my day of much needed rest, and tomorrow it's time to crack down. Even though it will take a lot of work to get to 2:15 on Friday, I know it's nothing I can't handle.

And that, my friends, is a fabulous feeling.