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So I'm still alive
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Wanderings
Through my mind
05 February 2006 @ 02:09 pm
OK, OK
10 December 2005 @ 04:52 pm
Khat
Khat (the cat) was neutered yesterday. I was reminded of a joke.
A man is walking along the street when he comes upon a shop displaying watches in the front window.
Deciding that he could use a new wristlet watch he walks in and asks the shopkeep for a look at the latest watches.
"oh, I don't sell watches" says the shopkeep, "I castrate cats".
"Then why do you display watches in your window?" asks the man.
"If you castrated cats" replied the shopkeep "what would you display in your window?"
A man is walking along the street when he comes upon a shop displaying watches in the front window.
Deciding that he could use a new wristlet watch he walks in and asks the shopkeep for a look at the latest watches.
"oh, I don't sell watches" says the shopkeep, "I castrate cats".
"Then why do you display watches in your window?" asks the man.
"If you castrated cats" replied the shopkeep "what would you display in your window?"
Current Mood: 
amused
amusedCurrent Music: jjj radio
08 December 2005 @ 12:08 pm
25 years
05 December 2005 @ 10:52 am
The little horse has gone away
but it's only for a holiday
he's gone away to eat and play
and he will be back one sunny day
It's hard to describe the weather without him.
Today is sunny and hot with storm predicted for late afternoon.
but it's only for a holiday
he's gone away to eat and play
and he will be back one sunny day
It's hard to describe the weather without him.
Today is sunny and hot with storm predicted for late afternoon.
Current Mood: 
hot
hotCurrent Music: Flame trees
04 December 2005 @ 02:53 pm
I have lost my muse. My little horse left yesterday for a holiday.
At least he should be happy there.
At least he should be happy there.
Current Mood: 
nostalgic
nostalgicCurrent Music: Carole King
03 December 2005 @ 09:39 am
Today is the 151st anniversary of the Eureka rebellion.
"The Eureka Rebellion, often referred to as the 'Eureka Stockade', is the only armed rebellion in Australia's history and a key event in the development of Australian democracy. http://www.cultureandrecreation.gov.au/a
We take this pivotal historical event for granted, thinking that it was purely concerned with gold licences. We have either forgotten, or never knew, the other democratic principles won.
It's relevant to note that the only person convicted of a crime associated with the rebellion was Henry Seekamp, editor of the local newspaper. He served 3 months for sedition.
Current Mood: discontent
discontent02 December 2005 @ 09:06 pm
A minutes silence
At 0900 our time Nguyen Tuong Van was hanged in a Singapore prison. The death sentence is barbaric. Thousands of people world-wide observed a minutes silence.
But let's put that death into perspective. Van Nguyen was only one of thousands of deaths today. Some died from acts of violent crime, some died of illness, some died from hunger, some died at their own hand, some died from drug overdoses, many died from acts of war. A few died peaceably because it was their appointed time, slipping into the next world as easily as slipping on a worn pair of loafers - these are the fortunate ones and are to be envied.
But let's put that death into perspective. Van Nguyen was only one of thousands of deaths today. Some died from acts of violent crime, some died of illness, some died from hunger, some died at their own hand, some died from drug overdoses, many died from acts of war. A few died peaceably because it was their appointed time, slipping into the next world as easily as slipping on a worn pair of loafers - these are the fortunate ones and are to be envied.
Current Mood: contemplative
contemplative01 December 2005 @ 11:33 am
The First of Christmas
Happy First of Christmas everybody!!!
Santa Claus is coming
and the kids are getting greedy
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
They know it's in the stores
because they've seen it on the TV
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
Chorus:
wo wo wo it's christmas time
wo wo baby
wo wo wo it's christmas time
wo yeah yeah!
You go into the forest
and you cut down all the trees
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
I know you've got a powersaw
but who plants the seeds?
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
Chorus
It used to be the birthday
of the man who saved our necks
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
But now it stands for Santa Claus
You spell it with an "X"
(wo -- it's Christmas time)
Chorus etc
"It's Christmas time" - Randy Stonehill
Current Mood: 
cynical
cynical30 November 2005 @ 08:49 pm
*yawn*
*yawn*
I feel so tired at the moment.
Grandson was around for most of the day.
I'm on a restricted fluid intake which sucks.
Can't think of any other news.
Take it easy all!
Current Mood: thirsty
thirstyCurrent Music: jjj radio
25 November 2005 @ 03:42 pm
Boring weather
The weather in Grafton ..
The little horse
is wet again.
It's not fit out
for horse nor man.
He suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder I think.
Watched "The Village" on DVD today - interesting. Unexpected ending.
I'm sitting here now, listening to the radio (2JJJ) and searching my head to find something about my life that's interesting enough to write down today -- someone tell me what's going on.
The little horse
is wet again.
It's not fit out
for horse nor man.
He suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder I think.
Watched "The Village" on DVD today - interesting. Unexpected ending.
I'm sitting here now, listening to the radio (2JJJ) and searching my head to find something about my life that's interesting enough to write down today -- someone tell me what's going on.
Current Mood: 
apathetic
apatheticCurrent Music: jjj
24 November 2005 @ 09:21 pm
Dear Journal
Dear Journal
I'm sorry that I have been remiss in my entries.
Not much has happened really since the last entry -- Let's see --
I've decided to do my HSC next year so I've been spending time selecting subjects etc.
Had a phone call from old mate in Sydney which was great.
Today Matthew (grandson) came around so we played tickling and chases - kept Tricia amused.
The horse was in the wind today
All he would do is eat and play
Not a worry, Not a care
A very pleasant life you'd say.
I'll write more tomorrow - I promise!
Current Mood: 
tired
tired20 October 2005 @ 08:13 pm
HO HUM
Ho Hum.
Big Dog had another exciting day.
Big Dog had another exciting day.
Current Mood: bored
boredCurrent Music: jjj radio
19 October 2005 @ 11:18 am
BWAAAAHAHA
Current Mood: amused
amusedCurrent Music: jjj radio
16 October 2005 @ 05:12 pm
Today I've done nothing.
Rang mum & dad.
Tried to ring some friends but their was no-one home.
Tricia was out at a friends all day.
There was nothing on the TV.
I spent today playing around on the internet, listening to the radio.
It's raining on the horse in my backyard
His day is going slow
Still he must learn contentment
He's got nowhere else to go
Current Mood: complacent
complacentCurrent Music: jjj radio
16 October 2005 @ 02:18 pm
'Tragic' is a word that's bandied about, and can be applied to most things these days....
Roy Slaven
Roy Slaven
Current Mood: amused
amusedCurrent Music: jjj radio - Roy and HG
15 October 2005 @ 12:58 pm
Rock Rulz OK
I love rock and roll, acid, metal, thrash, punk - ROCK. Am I alone??
I turn on the TV and all I see is pretty boys and pretty girls singing pretty songs; or attitude filled black artists doing their rap and hip-hop.
Ridiculous cartoon frogs and crocodiles that keep real musos off the charts.
It's time we got back to the roots of blues and rock, pounding rhythm, thumping bass, screaming lead guitars,power chords.....
Petition your TV station!
I turn on the TV and all I see is pretty boys and pretty girls singing pretty songs; or attitude filled black artists doing their rap and hip-hop.
Ridiculous cartoon frogs and crocodiles that keep real musos off the charts.
It's time we got back to the roots of blues and rock, pounding rhythm, thumping bass, screaming lead guitars,power chords.....
Petition your TV station!
Current Mood: angry
angryCurrent Music: Radio Birdman
14 October 2005 @ 09:58 am
A Satisfied Mind
Well life is not too bad :).
I have a lovely wife, good kids, and friends (who are too far away).
I live in my own small home which, like everyone else, I'm struggling to pay off.
I can afford to eat (inexpensively), and even afford the (very) ocassional beer.
I get bored, but generally I guess that I'm a satisfied man.
Now, if the demons just stay away.
I have a lovely wife, good kids, and friends (who are too far away).
I live in my own small home which, like everyone else, I'm struggling to pay off.
I can afford to eat (inexpensively), and even afford the (very) ocassional beer.
I get bored, but generally I guess that I'm a satisfied man.
Now, if the demons just stay away.
Current Mood: satisfied
satisfied13 October 2005 @ 09:47 am
Growing Up
There comes a time when you are confronted by the choices that you have made through your life, and you realise that you can't make new choices. You are stuck with the consequences.
Choices are made when you're too young & inexperienced to make informed decisions.
I've been reflecting on my life, and as I look back I find huge chunks are missing from it. I don't know whether they are missing due to brain damage, whether I was too drunk/stoned at the time, or whether I was simply not paying attention while it was happening.
I figure that if I can fill in the gaps I'll be able to make more sense of the things that I remember.
Current Mood: restless
restlessCurrent Music: jjj radio
12 October 2005 @ 11:19 am
Does dark matter really exist?
Current Mood: geeky
12 October 2005 @ 10:14 am
I've been thinking a lot lately - I always do - but nothing makes enough sense to write down. The meds keep me drowsy and so I can't think as well as I would like to.
I have decided that I definitely don't need to be taking all of the tablets that I'm taking.
I know that I don't suffer from epilepsy and the tablets that I take for it not only cause drowsiness but also dizzy spells - why do you have to find out the side effects for yourself???
I have decided that I definitely don't need to be taking all of the tablets that I'm taking.
I know that I don't suffer from epilepsy and the tablets that I take for it not only cause drowsiness but also dizzy spells - why do you have to find out the side effects for yourself???
Current Mood: bitchy
bitchy09 October 2005 @ 03:11 pm
06 October 2005 @ 03:44 pm
26 Years
02 October 2005 @ 11:27 am
The sun shines bright on the little horse
His belly filled with hay
His head held high, he wears a grin
This is a mighty fine day
sjm
... and of course Henry the horse dances the waltz... Beatles
His belly filled with hay
His head held high, he wears a grin
This is a mighty fine day
sjm
... and of course Henry the horse dances the waltz... Beatles
Current Mood: cheerful
cheerful30 September 2005 @ 01:16 pm
Alice Cooper
I don't want to see you go
I don't even want to be there
I will cover up my eyes
And pray it goes away
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
I don't like to hear you cry
You just don't know how deep that cuts me
So I will cover up my eyes
And it will go away
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
Is someone calling me? I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
That icy breath that whispers screams of pain!
I don't want to feel you die
But if that's the way that God has planned you
I'll put pennies on your eyes
And it will go away
See?
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
Stephen....
Is someone calling me? No....
Stephen....
I think I hear a voice--- it's outside the door!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
Is someone calling me? I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
STEPHEN!
WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name...
Alice Cooper -- Welcome to my nightmare
I don't even want to be there
I will cover up my eyes
And pray it goes away
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
I don't like to hear you cry
You just don't know how deep that cuts me
So I will cover up my eyes
And it will go away
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
Is someone calling me? I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
That icy breath that whispers screams of pain!
I don't want to feel you die
But if that's the way that God has planned you
I'll put pennies on your eyes
And it will go away
See?
You've only lived a minute of your life
I must be dreaming, please stop screaming
Stephen....
Is someone calling me? No....
Stephen....
I think I hear a voice--- it's outside the door!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
Is someone calling me? I hear my name!
STEPHEN!
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
STEPHEN!
WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
I hear my name...
Alice Cooper -- Welcome to my nightmare
Current Mood: morose
morose29 September 2005 @ 10:53 pm
The sky is clear
The horse is blue.
He's feeling low
and I am too.
The little horse can't jump the fence,
his legs are very short,
so he stands around all day
lost in dismal thought..
The horse is blue.
He's feeling low
and I am too.
The little horse can't jump the fence,
his legs are very short,
so he stands around all day
lost in dismal thought..
Current Mood: crappy
crappy28 September 2005 @ 07:46 pm
The weekend's past for little horse.
He's been left to his own devices.
Free to let his long mane down
and indulge in his chosen vices
Current Mood: artistic
28 September 2005 @ 07:22 pm
Spent some days in Sydney
the town from whence I come.
Travel dull.
Sojourn great.
Dad's 80th,
Mum's 70th,
Joel's 21st,
Mum & Dad 25th wedding anniversary.
Saw my old friends -
- hadn't seen in 25 years or more.
Loads of fun.
Old stories.
Reminiscing.
Happy times.
A few (too many) beers.
Laughing.
Travel home dull.
Coming down off high.
Mild depression.
Getting over it.
Love to all.
Current Mood: ambivalent
20 September 2005 @ 10:25 pm
The sun has set on my backyard
The horse's mood is dark
He's missed his opportunities
and failed to make his mark.
Current Mood: blah
blah20 September 2005 @ 10:23 pm
The sun has set on my backyard.
The horse never sleeps, it seems.
He doesn't suffer night terrors,
and doesn't dream bad dreams.
Current Mood: indifferent
indifferent20 September 2005 @ 03:12 pm
The horse is wandering around my backyard.
He has no place to go.
He has lost all of his ambition.
Must be content with the status quo.
Current Mood: blah
blah19 September 2005 @ 09:36 pm
The sun is shining on my backyard.
The horse is sunning himself.
He knows that relaxation is
a key to mental health.
sjmilne
Current Mood: amused
amused18 September 2005 @ 02:38 pm
The horse is walking 'round my backyard.
The horse is walking slow.
He walks with no real purpose.
He has nowhere to go.
sjmilne
Current Mood: listless
listless17 September 2005 @ 03:21 pm
The horse in my backyard is windblown.
The horse and I are bored.
The horse is looking through the fence.
The fence is missing a board.
sjmilne
Current Mood: contemplative
contemplative16 September 2005 @ 10:31 pm
14 September 2005 @ 11:01 am
12 September 2005 @ 08:05 pm
I'm trying to write a poem,
but it's so hard coming up with an original idea.
Each day is one the same,
today I stepped on a cat ...
That's as far as I got.
So much time, so little to do - Willy Wonka
Current Mood: bored
bored11 September 2005 @ 09:33 am
I'm happy
I'm feeling glad
I've got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
the future is coming on.
Gorillaz
I'm feeling glad
I've got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
the future is coming on.
Gorillaz
Current Mood: 
bouncy
bouncy10 September 2005 @ 08:36 pm
10 September 2005 @ 08:30 pm
09 September 2005 @ 09:14 am
Part one
if you're reading this out loud
then you're doing it all wrong
this isn't a party trick
It lives somewhere at the back of your head
somewhere just south of cognition
and it feeds the psychoses you enable
You know there are things you cannot change
and things you shouldn't try
one prozac a day isn't that bad a habit
you can't stand with your peers
because everyone is so far above (or below)
so you can only judge yourself
it's only a kiss
when it's everything you want
and you can't stand the touch of warm flesh
a flirtation is sweeter in the dark
the dark is very beautiful
the dark is friendly
sjmilne
if you're reading this out loud
then you're doing it all wrong
this isn't a party trick
It lives somewhere at the back of your head
somewhere just south of cognition
and it feeds the psychoses you enable
You know there are things you cannot change
and things you shouldn't try
one prozac a day isn't that bad a habit
you can't stand with your peers
because everyone is so far above (or below)
so you can only judge yourself
it's only a kiss
when it's everything you want
and you can't stand the touch of warm flesh
a flirtation is sweeter in the dark
the dark is very beautiful
the dark is friendly
sjmilne
08 September 2005 @ 02:00 pm
Well most of all nothing much
ever really happens,
And God rides up in an ordinary sky
Until we find ourselves at our
most distracted
And the miracle that was promised
creeps quietly by
Nick Cave
ever really happens,
And God rides up in an ordinary sky
Until we find ourselves at our
most distracted
And the miracle that was promised
creeps quietly by
Nick Cave
07 September 2005 @ 09:57 am
I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
T S Eliot
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
T S Eliot
05 September 2005 @ 10:52 am
I've been afraid of leaving the house for longer than I can remember.
Today I can't leave because of sheer depression.
Today I can't leave because of sheer depression.
03 September 2005 @ 06:58 pm
Depression is selfish.
Suicide is the ultimate selfisness.
I was taught not to be selfish.
Suicide is the ultimate selfisness.
I was taught not to be selfish.
03 September 2005 @ 10:47 am
03 September 2005 @ 09:36 am
I often wonder if there is someone in the world thinking the same thoughts as me. I'd like to talk to them. It probably wouldn't help, but it would be something.
03 September 2005 @ 09:27 am
How do I feel today? OK I guess, nothing special.
Thoughts turn to suicide, nothing to do with depression. It's just the thought of what it would do to my family that keeps me here. I'm really curious about death. Not being dead, but the act of dying.
My brain feels like an open sore.
Thoughts turn to suicide, nothing to do with depression. It's just the thought of what it would do to my family that keeps me here. I'm really curious about death. Not being dead, but the act of dying.
My brain feels like an open sore.
02 September 2005 @ 10:27 pm
Thus is to purge myself of all the things that I haven't been able to share with anyone.
My present state is one of darkness and stress.
I chew my tongue out of stress, I've usually got mouth ulcers because of this. My gums bleed and I suck the blood out because I enjoy the taste. I'm often tempted to cut myself so that I can drink the blood and I fantasize about bleeding to death. I fantasize about drinking blood.
I'm usually depressed, the level varies. I put on a happy face and tell everyone that it's ok - I guess I was brought up that way.
Even as a teenager I was placed on antidepressants. I self medicated with a variety of drugs - marijuana, LSD, amphetimines and thinner sniffing - and alcohol, without relief.
My present state is one of darkness and stress.
I chew my tongue out of stress, I've usually got mouth ulcers because of this. My gums bleed and I suck the blood out because I enjoy the taste. I'm often tempted to cut myself so that I can drink the blood and I fantasize about bleeding to death. I fantasize about drinking blood.
I'm usually depressed, the level varies. I put on a happy face and tell everyone that it's ok - I guess I was brought up that way.
Even as a teenager I was placed on antidepressants. I self medicated with a variety of drugs - marijuana, LSD, amphetimines and thinner sniffing - and alcohol, without relief.
02 September 2005 @ 10:14 pm