Summer in El Salvador

The task to describe the past few days in light of the last 2 1/2 months leaves me at a loss of words and an abundance of emotions. We, the SIPPIES and our fearless jefes, headed to Morazan on Friday morning bright and early – hora salvadoreña. It was a beautiful trip, Gina and I slept peacefully in the back of the pick-up. At one time I sat up and there was a Salvadoran man standing right beside the pick-up, I was so out of it, I just went back to sleep. But we made it to Morazan, thank you Nelson and Javier for driving!!
The first thing we did, after we ate (of course), is go to the museum in Pequin. This struck me in a way that I wasn’t expecting. Once again, I realized that I have no clue what war is like, and the family and friends I have made here lived through a horrible and traumatic war, a civil war. The thing that hit home was that the war isn’t just a story or history, it is part of each person’s life and it affects their everyday. And once again, seeing the monetary and intellectual involvement of the United States and how it contributed to the repression, oppression, and deaths of so many made me sick to my stomach. So after spending time in the museum, I was not sure I wanted to visit El Mozote the next day...
So after a night of reflection over this summer and discussing how we as a team and individuals are continue to grow and learn from this experience, we stood outside and looked at the stars – God, I am going to miss the night sky here. There are more stars than I thought possible. And it was great to just mess around with the team in the cold – yes, it was actually cold!!
The next morning we went to the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life. This cascade in the middle of Morazan. Wow, the natural beauty of this place was gorgeous. We spent a few hours climbing the rocks, swimming, and exploring. It is hard to imagine that this place was a hotbed of conflict during the war, but we were quickly reminded of that as we drove to El Mozote.
El Mozote is a tiny campo where the worst massacre of the war happened in 1981. El Mozote was meant to be a lesson from the governmental troops to the guerrillas; it was part of the ‘scorched earth’ military plan. It was here that around 1,600 people were killed in one day. Men, women, and children shot, bombed, burned, killed. They still find new cadavers today. All this I learned from three children who showed us around the campo. It was them who told us the stories, who took us to the houses where the newest cadavers have been found, and who told us about life today. The people there do not want to remember their family members that were killed, and they do not want to remember the war. They want to move on with their lives. This is understandable in so many ways. This is a people of such strength.
One way that I have witnessed the strength of this people is through their faith. It is a faith of giving without receiving, of loving without holding back. That is what taught me that when Paul mentioned that the boy he was talking to was saving money for new shoes, I immediately took off my shoes and handed them to him. It didn’t matter that I was barefoot for the rest of the day; I have more shoes in the states. To know that my shoes are in El Mozote is to know that my heart will always be here because my heart has been formed by the love and faith of this people. Tomorrow I will step on a plane and when I step off I will be in the United States. I don't know if I am really ready for this or if I really want to go, but asi es la vida (such is life). But tomorrow, I return a changed person, I return with a new heart, a deeper faith, and a greater will to change the world.

So I never thought that I would celebrate my 21st birthday in another country, but yes, that is what happened. On Saturday August 6, 2005, I was awoken by music outside my window at 4:00 in the morning. There is a tradition here to have people come with guitars and sing to you before the sun comes up. Well, I cannot really think in español at that time of the day and so all I could say was gracias and go outside and sit with the family, but just as I set down the fireworks started going off in the street. Yes, I had fireworks for my birthday – it was freaking awesome!!! After an hour of singing, dancing and coffee (which was definitely necessary), my family and I walked to the beach to play in the water and watch the sun come up. Then we returned to the house where I continued to play with the kids for about an hour, we played fútbol and piedrina (hopscotch). Then I took a shower and got bit by a spider when I put on my shirt (that was a good birthday present)!!! Afterwards, I went to El Parque Imposible with two of my brothers and we just hung out and looked at the awesome view of the amazing park!!! When I returned we headed to a quinciñera in Cara Sucia (the puebla close to my campo). It was fun, I mean it was a quinciñera, but then a storm came up and the power went out. So when we thought that the rain had lightened up we headed back to the house, but when we got on the road to the house the storm hit full force. Now, this was not a normal storm and this is not a normal road. The road is a rock road and there are no street lights, and the storm was a tropical storm. I was sitting in the middle of the front seat and had to constantly wipe off the windshield so that Don Jesus could see out the window, the little that we were able to see in the dark storm. Then there were flashes of lightening and sounds of thunder. I really thought that we weren’t going to make it, when we got to the house I wanted to kiss the ground and thank God that I was alive. Never in my life did I think I would be in a tropical storm on my 21st birthday; I mean, in reality, it has never rained on my birthday. Luckily the power came back on about an hour later. And I went to the beach with Rey and Juan Carlos and just hung out in the sprinkling rain and watched the water – for some reason I have this amazing fascination with the ocean….it was definitely a birthday I will never forget.

And now to switch gears a little and share where I am at today…yesterday I left the community for my final time. I do not have the words to describe the emotions that I am feeling and I do not know if I really know how I am feeling about it. The time passed so quickly. I can remember when I first arrived in the community and it seemed like I was going to be there for so long and now, now, it’s over. Just like that. I do not think it has really hit me that in a week I will be sitting in California and this reality, this life, will be a memory. My life here will be a story told with the pictures in my camera and the things I am bringing with me. Maybe one day soon I will have the words to describe all that I am feeling, but as of now, this is where I am leaving it…

Happy August!!! Wow, how time has flown…I think that part of me wants to continually add to this journal so that all my memories will last for a longer time. But I know that my memories are not words on this website, but are in my heart forever. It has only been a couple days since my last entry, but those couple days have been priceless. I went dancing at La Luna (a discoteca in San Salvador) on Friday night because Ashley’s boyfriend’s band was playing. It was so much fun!!!
And then I came back to my home on Saturday for a day full of tradition – there was a horse race in Garita Palmera! It was such a blast to see everyone decked out for a day of horse racing. I actually got to mount a horse for the first time!!
Sunday was full of fun and entertainment, well, actually, I wasn’t feeling too hot, but we went to mass and afterwards went to the beach to bring the hamaca that Don Jesus made to the señor at the beach. Where we ended up racing on the beach and then going to eat pupusas. It was such a good family time. And I love the sky at night here, there are more stars than anyone who lives in the states can imagine!!
Today I came to San Salvador for the second to last time. But on the way here, Reynaldo (my brother) and I went to this really cool parque with natural pools and waterfalls throughout it. We actually had some good conversations about the war, the political system here, and life in general.
I have one thing that I will always say about El Salvador: This country is so freaking beautiful. That was all I could think as I rode the bus into the city and watched the corn fields on the mountainsides and the sugar cane fields along the road…This country is so freaking beautiful.

This should be the title to my life right now. Wow, I cannot believe that the time is coming to a close so quickly. This past week has probably been one of the best weeks here. I have taken the time and gotten to know some of the women in the taller better. They are amazing women, especially Lupe; she is actually the president of the taller. She brings so much joy to my life because I feel like I can be real with her. She knows a lot about life and has been through many experiences, especially during the war, and she has such a drive to see change in this community and for that change to come from within. She also has patience with me and my wonderful español.
I have also spent some good time with the family and actually understanding conversations. For me, right now, the hard thing is not having answers. I guess because part of me wants to change the world. Part of me wants to make life better for everyone. I can see that the life here is missing certain aspects of life in the states, but life in the states is missing so much from life here. I have conversations with people who completely love life here, who know how to live everyday to its fullest, but the conversations about the reality of the economic situation are heartbreaking. For example, many of my entries have included the beach, what can I say I am a Southern California girl through and through. Well, I love the beach in my community because there is practically never anyone there; it’s so peaceful and deserted most of the time. This week I learned that the government sold that property, the entire beach in my little part of El Salvador to tourism companies and they are making everyone who lives there move. The thing is, this place is not only a house, it’s a home, it’s a life, and it’s a community. This is a hard thing for me to understand.
But I think there is a saying that goes something like: ‘It is the questions that make us grow.’ So, maybe I am just growing right now, and maybe that is what we all need to keep doing, keep growing, keep asking the hard questions, especially when we cannot easily find the answers. A little insight from a little country with a big heart.

I think the entirety of this experience must include what Ahmelia and I just went through. Well, I guess I should start with last night. Last night we, Ahmelia, Kristina, and I, went to Café Don Pedro because we thought there was karaoke. Well, there wasn’t karaoke, but there was dancing. We ended up being the show for the night, 3 gringas, dancing to songs like “Let’s do the Twist” to “Da mi mas gasolina” (Translation: Give me more Gasoline). I have never felt that many people staring at me before. It was a comical experience to say the least.
Then this morning Ahmelia and I went to El Centro (Downtown) to buy some crosses for the women’s group I work with. Well, Ashley (the peace corps girl) told me to find this one shop in Edificio Numero Uno. Ahmelia and I had no clue where that would be, so we just started walking. We actually found some really cool shops along the way and ate at a panderia. Then, gracias a Dios, we found Edificio Numero Uno and some little tiendas that were selling crosses!!! It was such a great feeling to get the crosses and find our way back to the CRISPAZ office. I really feel like we conquered some huge feat in accomplishing that task.
Just a little story from the city life and now back to the campo…

It’s always difficult when I finally make it to San Salvador and have a chance to sit and write about my experience, well, my life, here. There is so much to say and at times I am at a loss for words in spanish and in english. So, where do I begin? There is a quote by Ursula K. LeGuin in the journal that I brought with me here that reads: “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” In the past two weeks, I have realized that in my anticipation of the end, of bringing this experience back to the states, I have lost sight of the journey. This realization peaked when a CRISPAZ delegation came to my campo for three days. As they were having a reflection on the beach about their time in the Cooperativa de los Mongles, I found joy in the fact that I am not here for merely a week or three days, I am here for 2 months, I am part of the life here and this is my life here. My life is not waiting for me in the states, my life, right now, is in El Salvador. My life is with my family here, with the women’s group I work with, with the rain, with the heat, with the zancuros, and my life is wonderful. I realized that I would not trade this experience for the world. I love having a chance to live a life that I would have otherwise never understood. And yes, there are times where I really want to say something and cannot find the words in spanish. And yes, there are times when the cultural differences frustrate me. However, this experience, this part of my life, has enriched me in ways that words cannot describe.
So what are the things that have enriched me and what have I been doing these past two weeks? Well, as I said, a CRIPAZ delegation from a parish in Chicago came to the Cooperativa for 3 days, so the preparation and actual delegation took a lot of my time because it was the first time a delegation came to this part of the country. I have also been working more and more with the women’s group because they have started working everyday because I am headed back to the states with some products. I actually had the experience of walking through the fields to find a seed called: “ojo de congrejo” (eye of the crab – this gorgeous seed that is half black and half red). However, this seed is part of a vine and is hard to find and is usually in shady, misquito infested areas (let’s just say that I have new bites on my body). It was probably one of the best times I had with the women! I have also been talking with my family more and more and learning about their life during the war, their life today, and how they see the possibilties for change. These conversations are always challenging, but interesting, and definatly a learning experience.
Also, the other day, I went to El Parque ‘Imposible,’ which is in Ahuchapan. This is one of the national parks in El Salvador and it is gorgeous!!!! We hiked for about 2 hours and ‘WOW!’ is the only way I can descripe the beauty, a camara could not even capture the amazing scenery.
All in all, life here is grand, I cannot believe the time has passed so quickly, and as my ‘brother’ said to me today over breakfast as we were talking about when I will go back to the states: “Cheryl, I will be sad.” (In his broken english.)

Although that title has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about, I figured I should give some recognition to the day that it is...
That said, it has only been a few days since my last update, but I had a couple interesting days. On Saturday, the family and I went to the beach in Las Breses and gave some food and money this Señor who lives there and is pretty poor. It was really cool, I think that Niña Graciella checks up on him every month or so. I think what struck me most about this was that I came to El Salvador to experience the life of the people, a people who have far less matieral goods than myself, and here they were showing me true compassion and charity. It blew me away.
Then Sunday was such a typical day that I have to share it with you. I woke up and had my morning coffee, I walked to the beach to do some reading and journaling and have some alone time (it was a beautiful beach day and the beach here is always deserted, so it was exceptional!), then I came home and helped around the house. We had atole, which is this sweet corn milk soup that you eat with corn on the cob (which I helped shuck), and a typical lunch (beans, rice, eggs, avacado, and tortillas with mangoes to finish it off). Then we went to mass, which I understood most of, and then the girls and I went to watch the weekly fútbol game on the conch by our house (El Porvenir was playing La Granita Palmera). After that I helped Niña Graciella with the pupusas for dinner and before I ate Neli asked me if I wanted to go riding with Juan Angel (Heck yes!). So, Juan Angel and I rode his motorcylce to El Zapote (another community that is by the bay) and we took a canoe across the bay to Santiago - it was SO GORGEOUS!!! It is at times like this that I wonder how a country that is so rich in beauty and nature and life can be so poor by worldly standards. It was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Then we rode back, ate dinner, chatted for a while and went to bed.
It was such a typical weekend, but it was so pleasantly tranquil and relaxing. Then today, I headed back to the city because we have a meeting tomorrow. There is something comforting in knowing that I can make it across a country alone when I do not necessarily know the language, the subtleties of the culture, or the craziness of the bus system. When I got to the city Nelsón (my jefe) and I went to this youth organization called, Next Generation 21, which was so inspiring. We had just gone to take a box of paper, pencils, supplies, etc. and the guys wanted to sit down and chat. They wanted to know why I was here, what I knew about El Salvador before coming, what my reality has been, what I think about the politics, etc. It was so interesting because as I shared, they shared their reality. It was so cool to hear the different opinions on the change that is necessary for this country and how people think the change should come. I think it was here that I realized the hope of the next generation, the hope for change, the hope of the youth. It was here that I got the same sense of passion that I have when I am working in the states with social justice organizations. This touched my heart and really gave me strength to keep going through my time here whole-heartedly.
The moments of clairity such as this remind me that God has a purpose for me here, and yet, I must remember that that purpose is not necessarily in what I do, but in what I learn.

So last night I was lying in my bed and the thunder and lightening were a little frightening and right as I was trying to figure out if you count the seconds from lighting to thunder or from thunder to lightening they both hit and it shook the house…my one prayer at this time was that the storm would be quick so that there wouldn’t be any floods and that I would make it to San Salvador safely. With all that said and done, here I am, finally in San Salvador after being in the campo for three weeks. ¡Puchica! How do I start to describe the past three weeks of my life in words?
Let me begin: I have been living with the Salazar family in ‘La Cooperativa de los Mongles’ in Por Venir, Ahuachapan, El Salvador, Central America. A long name for a community consisting of 24 families. My family is wonderful! My mom, Niña Graciella is probably the most kind hearted woman in the world. She has such a deep faith, we talk about the Catholic Church, Monseñor Romero, and God all the time. She has lived through a lot and loves to share her hopes, love, sorrows, and joys. Her husband, Don Jesus, just wants to show me the great things there are in El Salvador. He tried to teach me how to drive a stick shift on a rocky road, which was not very productive, but I kind of got the hang of it, and hey, I still have 6 weeks there. Now, Don Jesus and Niña Graciella have 5 children and 3 grandchildren. My normal day consists of entertaining Madeliene and Carla (who are 5) and Valeria (a niece of Niña Graciella – who is 7) as well as loving the baby girl, Jennifer Stephanie, who is a year and a half and probably the cutest child ever (besides my niece, Jessica). Also, there is Niña Graciella´s nephew, Eduardo, who is living with her while his dad is in the states, who is 12 and cracks me up! The other day he randomly climbed the Palm Tree in the front yard to cut down some coconuts for us to drink out of!! So, most of the other family will always be confusing and in time will work itself out in my correspondences – I want to tell you about this town!
So…this community is about a mile from the beach (I have started running there in the mornings because the waves are gorgeous, although I am a little frightened of the current because of the storms). Plus we are about 3 miles from the Guatemala border. I actually rode a motorcycle on the beach to the border with Juan Angel (Niña Graciella’s daughter’s, Neli, boyfriend), which was pretty awesome! We are close to the community Grantita Palmera which is all coconut trees, yummy. I have at least three mangoes a day!! The fruit here is awesome! Although, at times it feels like all I do is eat. The community is great. The rest of my group came to visit me two weeks ago and they were all jealous because of how wonderful and beautiful my place is.
You know I live in paradise, now, to the work. I have been working mostly with the woman’s group in ‘La Cooperativa de los Mongles.’ This is a group of women who have come together and make jewelry and rosaries out of seeds, beads, and shells. They are gorgeous, the only problem is that they have no where to sell them, so hopefully I will be able to help them out when I return to the states. Plus, there is girl, Ashley, who has been living in El Por Venir for 2 years with the Peace Corps, and working with the women, so when I need a translator she’s close by. I cannot wait to show some of you the amazing things these women make out of seeds!!! I have also been working with UNES (Unidad Ecologíca Salvadoreña), which is an agricultural and ecological group that is currently working with groups of women to teach them how to grow tomatoes and chilies using organic ways to kill pests so that they can have food to eat and not have to buy these vegetables. I have been interviewed at El Radio Stereo Sur, but have yet to have my immigration program.
So that is life here, in a nutshell. It has been wonderful, besides the hundred or so mosquito and other bug bites that now cover my body and except for the times when I really cannot understand what people are trying to say to me. My Spanish is better, but not anything that I would call close to fluent. But God is good and this experience is really teaching me, in certain ways, where God wants me in life. It is good time to reflect and truly find the things that matter in life. Plus, it’s always nice to relax in a maca (hammock)!

Hello All...So I´ve been here for a week - wow, I don't believe it, we have done so much in so little time...We have been traveling around a lot, yesterday we returned from a night at La Playa de Espino (for those who don´t know Spanish, it’s a beach here). I spent the night in a hammock almost directly on the beach. The starlight was amazing because we were so far from any major light polution. The water was so warm; it is something that I will miss when I return to the beaches in California.

But let me begin with what we have done these past few days, because I feel like I’ve been here for more than the 6 days that I have. One of the most thought provoking days was the other day when we went to all the Romero sites. We went to the Cathedral and saw the new tomb where Romero is buried; it has a beautiful wooden depiction of Romero with angels holding the four gospels around him, however it is now behind the altar in the bottom part of the Cathedral. Which makes it interesting to think about what that symbolizes. We then went to La Iglesia del Rosario – which was this amazing church that was completely made out of stone and it looked like a cave, it also had a depiction of the Stations of the Cross done in metal and stone that was very powerful, I hope to go back and get pictures of it to share with everyone. After that, we went to the church where Romero was assassinated and to his casa. Walking around there made Romero so real, I mean, I have always known that Romero was real, but there is a difference in reading about his assassination, reading about his life and reading about the people he affected; and it is a totally different thing to actually be in the presence of his spirit, his legacy, his life as it was when he was alive. It was eery and enthralling. It made the reality of Romero’s life much more meaningful to me, especially how much he wanted people to know the love and Justice of God. This can be paralleled with what we just saw. We just returened from UCA (Universidad de Centro America), where the 6 Jesuit priests were assassinated by the national army in 1989. We saw where they were killed and the pictures from the actual massacre, it was really gut wrenching. It was crazy to think about how much I didn't know about what happened and is happening down here. (P.S. For those who took Liberation Theology with me, our Systematic Theology book was on sale there because it was written by Ellacuría, who was assassinated, and Sobrino, who was gone when the assassins came.) So, all this torture and massacres and death was happening in El Salvador and throughout Latin America and out comes this amazing Theology based in the Truth that Jesus was and is a Liberator. WOW! There are no words to describe the emotions when faced the reality of what was and what is El Salvador and the faith here.

I guess that leads into what we were talking about last night, we spent half of the night talking about the UN Peace Accords of 1992. Javier told us about what they covered and what has happened since then, it is so interesting, and I wish that I had written it all down. But something that struck me last night was the reality that I am sitting in right now. I am sitting in a reality that knows the profit comes before people and I donnot understand that, and I cannot even want to understand that. I say this because the last president of El Salvador promised to make El Salvador a country of maquilas (or factories). He said this because maquilas are the way that countries life El Salvador see money coming into the country without people leaving (one of the top incomes for the nation are from immigrants who are sending money back to their families). So, even though El Salvador is an agricultural country, the government, mainly the president, is trying to change it into a maquila-based country. I donnot understand this because I donnot understand why I – as a product of a developed nation – tend to see those jobs based in agriculture as less than jobs elsewhere. If we – as people – did not have others to work in agriculture then where would we be, we would have no food. Why can we not dignify the lives of those who work with their hands; those who break their backs to allow us to consume, to live. I cannot understand the reasons that lead some to dehumanize others so that they can make a pretty penny. I cannot comprehend how persons can put money before people. We – as a nation – talk about ‘Freedom’ and ‘Human Rights’ and I think that both of those lie in our understanding of persons, we must treat one another with the basics of human dignity to realize that we are all human, we are all trying to live our lives to the best we can, and we are all inherently equal, although the societies we grow up in make us unequal in material ways.

All this, although it leaves me baffled and frustrated, is met here with love. Although the entanglement of the US government in El Salvador has contruibuted to many massacres and oppression, I am met with love. I have a family who is waiting to meet me, who is allowing me (a gringa who will barely be able to communicate with them) to live with them for a summer, a family who has close to nothing in material ways, but is full of love and compassion to merely take me in for the summer so that I can understand their way of life. With the community I will be in I will work, side by side, and it is through this that I pray I will continue to work side-by-side when I return to the States, to be a sign of solidarity in my actions.

So, that’s where I am at as I sit and write this, perhaps it is not fully thought through, and perhaps it makes little to no sense, but it is the thoughts and the emotions that are going through me as I sit miles from my ‘home’ and look into a different reality than what I grew up with.


Yet, I stick with these word that trail all of my emails:
Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
-Rainer Maria Rilke