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| 07:47pm 21/06/2007 |
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Happy Gay Pride everyone! |
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| save the earf |
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| 06:17pm 29/04/2007 |
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mood:  full
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I just went to Philz Coffee here near my house on 18th Street in SF. They have such yummy cawfee. Regretfully the location near me doesn't have the vegan donuts. I have to go all the way to 24th and Folsom Philz for those. I haven't tried them yet but I can't wait! One of these morning when I wake up early I am going to go over there. It is hard to find donuts that are made without lard. Some places I just don't trust and some places use natural flavorings which contain animal products like lard or beeffat. for example I totally don't trust Krispty Kremes ever since I saw on one of their boxes in the ingredients section that they used animal fat of some sort. I have never had a Krispy Kremes donut ever and I never will, I just don't trust them.
Anywho my 8gb CF card for my digital camera bit the dust. What a hassle. Never buy RIDATA products. They blow.
There needs to be a planet-wide effort made to have people work near where they live to reduce the amount of pollution from cars. If people don't know how to do the job then they need to be trained. Save the earth. If we all stopped worrying about being greedy and instead worried about the greater-good then we would all be better off. I know it sound like socialism or marxism or something like that, but oh well. |
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| nude pics? lol |
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| 09:34pm 11/04/2007 |
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mood:  creative
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After being sucked into the world of Myspace I feel so alienated from livejournal. Seems like I am looking at it for the first time.
Anyways, not much new here. Still a bouncer, still doing photography, still working in a photolab. I have a girlfriend that I have an open relationship with and I am just enjoying life. Current interests include; caffeine, drawing, learning new languages and looking at old photos by other photographers. |
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| HOT PANTS |
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| 02:50am 09/03/2007 |
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mood:  grateful
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My Myspace.com page is undergoing maintenance, so here I am.
I just got home from Hot Pants, my favorite lesbian bar in SF. I was looking for an incredibly sexy girl named Ash that I made out with on Wednesday who said she would be there but I couldn't find her. I was thinking to myself, "This sucks, I am in a bad mood now, I should go home." I saw a lot of people I know but even still, i was so sad. Then two sisters started to talk to me who are customers at the bar I work at. we were dancing it up and they really cheered me up. The older one was flirting with me and I really started to cheer up then before you know it I was actually having fun. Woohoo. We hung out with Lisa for awhile and talked to a lot of people. I drank a 40 oz before I left the house then I had three? more beers when I got there. My head hurts a little as I write this, lol.
Anyways, Lourdes, the girl who was cheering me up started holding my hand and dancing with me buying me a drink and I bought her one. After awhile we were making out hardcore. It was nice. She was getting me mad horny. My lipstick got all messed up and usually I am really anal about that and I will fix it right away but I was so happy I didn't care. So finally we found Lourdes' sister. Then I ran into Chondra and lifted her up off the ground and her legs are incredibly strong and she gripped me like a motherfucker. I had no idea she had legs like that, lol. then right after that I saw a TS girl that had sex with over a month ago and I talked to her. she thanked me for the sex we had and apologized for never calling me. I told her it was all good. I kissed Lourdes goodbye grabbed my jacket and left.
I was so hungry I got a torta at LOS COYOTES Taqueria on 16th st. on my way home. They took forever to cook it, OMG, never going back. It tasted yummy, but nearly as good as my favorite place.
I have work in less than 6 hours so I better go to bed. After I get off of work I have to my other job. Gonna work 15 hours tomorrow between the two places, which is cool, because I need the money.
Still a little sad Ash never showed up. doesn't she want my hot ass? lol But it worked out because now I have girl who is serious about me and I know we are going to be monogamous girlfriends. I like Lourdes a lot, she is amazing. I need a steady girlfriend, I think this is it for me. she speaks spanish which is dope, I can practice what I know and learn more. She eats meat, which sucks, but oh well, she is still a good person. She said she will cook veggie food for me and maybe I can stear her away from eating meat. I can tell this girl and I are going to fall in love. She gives me butterflies. I miss having a Latina-American girlfriend. I love the food and the television, lol. Lourdes looks lesbian and I love that. She is hot and has an incredible ass. mmmm She had to drive her sister home so no sleep-overs, but that is cool because I can tell this is serious. She is going to visit me at work tomorrow night.
Oh and something I wanted to say is
Maybeline Great Lash Mascara > Lola Mascara
I got the Lola for free thank the goddess. Lola costs six times as much the Maybeline but the Maybeline is 100 times better. Lola Mascara sucks, stick with the Maybeline Great Lash Blackest Black ladies. |
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| 11:52pm 14/12/2006 |
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well, I have become really distracted by MySpace and I almost forgot that LiveJournal exists
oh well
here is my myspace page
http://www.myspace.com/cynthiabrooks
I am gonna look around at my friends pages now, see what's new |
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| 03:50pm 16/10/2006 |
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I am still working as a bouncer. Still single. Still a lesbian. Still driving a Civic Si that has been turned into a race car. Still living in SF.
Don't feel like talking now. |
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| 03:06am 03/10/2006 |
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mood:  bitchy
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Life is hard. It's crazy. I am not religious whatsoever. I do not believe in God or any supreme source outside of your own human body. People that believe in spirituality, religion, ghosts, UFOs, heaven ,& hell, or astrology are crazy.
When my friend Saki "Rob" Meyer died his family had a "wake" at their house in Richmond, CA. After the church ceremony we went to their house. It was so sad without Rob there to bust a joke or light a big blunt up or something. He died so young and so horribly. Rob's parents partied at the wake. They were legitimately happy and were not crying. They were playing reggae music and dancing enthusiastically. They were celebrating Rob's life just the way he would have wanted it celebrated. Now in my family a wake is a very sad and somber event full of crying and sad faces. I was raised wrong and look at death wrong. Cuz there is nothing to cry about. Only a fool would cry over something that is inevitable and unstoppable.
Anyways. Sometimes I like to say stuff I think in my journal so people know how I thinkand what I think about. *sigh*
I showed my friend who is a graffiti writer some drawings that Mike "Dream" Francisco did in some drawings in my graffiti sketchbooks. He really loved them. I miss Mike and it sucks to know I will never see himagain. I am working on improving my skills as a graffiti writer and as a photogrpher because those are my two life's passions. I have to be like Mike and be the best I can. I have already done some work to be proud of, but there is more to come. The things I am most proud of are the full color graffiti pieces I have done. especially the ones done in SF off of Army St. and the huge color piece on highway 80 freeway near El Cerrito. And for photography I really like my shots of Al Gore and Bill Clinton.
My roomate has MS and she is sick all the time. My other friend Searcy just got diagnosed with Leukemia and he could die too. My grandma ...I think she is 93 now....I am sure death isn't too far away for her.
Life sucks. I have financial troubles and I seem to be surrounded by death and the things I see about or here about are always...horrible. people tell me the craziest things.
But I will roll on. I have been getting in shape physically lately working out and improving both my computer and photography skills. I look forward to seeing what kind of art and photos I produce as I age. I think I am my own biggest fan. I am going to be 70 and still tagging. Maybe I'll be a fetish photographer and drive a modified Mercedes with a 105 db exhaust. lol
I am learning how to batch process RAW images and it is really fun. Digital photography is so amazing and having a new DSLR has really opened up this world for me. However, a part of me still hates digital. Film, especially B&W, is simply amazing. The more I shoot digital, the more I love film photography. I do love digital, just not as much as film. 35mm B&W film is like heaven to me.
My life would be so much different if I had money. Money controls everything. Thank the goddess I live in America where people are spoiled. I could have it so much worse. At least I am sexy and beautiful...so I have that going for me. *giggles* But on a serious note....do you ever see people dying of starvation on the news? No, you see the weather and some car crashes. Such bullsh*t.
well on that "positive," happy and upbeat note, I am off to bed |
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| 02:29pm 26/09/2006 |
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mood:  crappy
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I had a nightmare that I went to a nightclub and somebody stole my flash and then somebody stole my camera. It was horrible. i have been having a lot of nightmares lately.
I have been depressed and I have no energy lately. Part of the problem is caffeine, no money and a fear for my life after getting a couple threats. It's sad I have to worry about a crackhead and his friends who don't like me cuz i won't let the crackhead live at my apartment. we bagged up his room and saved the best and tossed the rest. He is going to be mad next time I see him and I am ready for a fight. The last letter he wrote me has got me paranoid. Someone put a syringe through my mail slot the other day. I don't think it was from the crackhead, but who knows. Somebody followed me the other day also, or maybe he was just going the same way.
Anyways, life sucks right now. Only good thing going for me is a girl who is 33 like me. She is really sweet and pretty and I have some strong feelings for her. We were hanging out this week. We went to Hot Pants at the Cat Club and to Boy Bar. And the Lex. I have been dating a LOT of girls lately, but most are flakes. I hope this new one won't be a flake. I keep telling her she is my girlfriend and she just smiles or laughs. She doesn't agree or disagree, so I don't know. I guess she is my girlfriend. *shrug* She has a tricked out Honda S2000 and I let her drive my ep3 and she really was a great driver. I think she said she used to drag race. That was a big turn on for me for sure. She is Morrocan and Phillipino and I think some other stuff too.
I wonder if there really is an energy in the universe like a chi. Like a yin yang. Like a negative and positive energy. For example, if you do something bad, will something bad happen to you? Or is this just a bullshit theory created by religious people. Is there such a thing as Karma. Or is there such a thing as heaven and hell? Should I be a cold selfish bitch or should I have a heart. Should I steal everything I can since everyone else does. SHould I be an opportunistic scumbag like everyone else.
Nahhhh, it's not my style.
end of entry. |
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| 11:19am 08/09/2006 |
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Oh, last night I went to the EndUp and I took photos of a party called "Work." It was a fashion show and a girl I am dating was in the show and I took photos of her. I got in free because I am a bouncer at a nightclub. One girl offerred me $ to buy my pics but since it's for an AIDS charity I told her to keep her $ and I would provide them with copies for free. having a digital camera is pretty fun. No more trips to the photo lab. |
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| crazy night/morning |
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| 10:58am 08/09/2006 |
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mood:  scared
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Last night I went over to maddy's house to party. We had weed cookies, alcohol, weed and did a lot of coke with some of her roomate's friends. Long story short, one of the guys tried to force himself on me, but I managed to avoid getting sexually assaulted. I am a little shaken up today. I have to more careful because this guy's friend is in jail for raping Maddy's roomate. Luckily, I am strong and I survived to talk about it. Very scary experience. Why do guys have to be such dogs. that's why I haven't slept with a guy yet, they treat me like a sex object just because I am a transsexual. I am sticking with women for awhile, this has really turned me off of men. |
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| 07:38pm 04/09/2006 |
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[Old journal entry, not sure of date. A month ago? This might be a repost, not sure.]
Last night I brought a guy home from work that I like. We drank at work and smoked weed at my place. My plan was to have sex with him, but then I chickened out. He just wasn't making me horny. I am not used to guys so it was really awkward for me. So looks like I get to keep my lesbian gold star. Honestly, I don't think I will ever sleep with a guy. I am a lesbian. The only reason I say I am bisexual is because I am open-minded. But guys just don't turn me on like females do. who knows, I contradict myself so often.
I am the worst procrastinator in the world. Ok, not really, but I am really bad. too lazy to explain why.
I am stoned, off to bed. Alone. Two different guys were begging me to have sex with them tonight. But one was too short and the other was too drugged out. I got one phone number from a butch baby dyke and I gave my phone number to an Asian girl that drives a tricked out Isuzu with JAOS mudflaps. Last night Pablo from Orphan Andy's gave me free french fries. Grats papas fritas. lol He likes me a lot.
Well, being a bouncer is fun. So many girls show me their pussies I lose track. I am off of work for the next two nights. Hopefully they will be fun-filled nights.
[end of old entry]
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SEPTEMBER 4, 2006 entry
Today I did nitrous and smoked out with some pretty girls. Surfed the Net, watched some TV. Cooked some fish tacos and grilled cheese sandwiches today. I had work tonight. So much drama, it was crazy again. I broke a fight between 12 people and blah blah blah. The other night my Security co-worker beat the *ish outta some huge dude. what a crazy fight, I saw it all. Tonight was crazy too. Anyways, I am single now and it sucks. Well, I have a girlfriend in an open relationship but she is flaky and doesn't spend enuff time with me. I want monogamy again. This poly thing gets too complicated and I am too emotional for it.
Need to get a day job. Been working in Hayward the last couple weekends at a Pro Photo Lab. Need a steadier day job. Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter died. Very sad, I saw my friend Ivana from Australia tonight too and she was talkin' 'bout it. A hole into the heart...crazy. |
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| stay sharp...but stay high |
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| 08:12am 13/08/2006 |
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Well, I have a girlfriend now. Her name is Jess. She is really hot. A femme white girl with tats and no tits. lol Brought her over to my bro's house the other day for a BBQ. Jess and I are a lot alike. I am happy. We are having a polyamorous relationship which means we can fuck other people, together or by ourselves. I like some other girls too. I had a few spend the night recently. I turned down a boy last night (didn't want to lose my lesbian gold star, plus he didn't meet the height requirements). Being a bouncer helps my love life. :)
I got a new computer, a new digital camera body and I finally got a garage parking space so I don't have to wash my car so much. Of course right after I bought my computer a better one came out. Oh well. That's life.
Life is fucking good right now. I just have to stay sharp and make sure I don't let things crumble. Gotta end my procrastinations! |
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| 07:58am 29/07/2006 |
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Last night I went to Hot Pants (a lesbian party) with Cheryl from Singapore. It was really fun. Cheryl and danced a lot. There was a girl I liked that I was dancing with but she left without exchanging numbers. oh well.
Before the party Cheryl and I took photos around the Castro. Then we went to Firewood and then I drove us to Hot Pants. Cheryl took some cool photos in the Castro. My camera body was giving me problems. No worries, I have a new one coming soon. Getting my first DSLR camera body. I have a new Apple also to use for my photography work.
Anyways, hanging out with Cheryl was great. Hopefully we will hang out more soon. Perhaps when I get my new camera body.
Tonight I have my Bouncer job. Hopefully nobody wants to fight me. *sigh* I know some people will want to fuck me at least (a bouncer job perk) ...but regretfully they are usually people I don't like. I want to keep the bouncer job for awhile unless it gets too dangerous. Since I am a girl not too many people want to fight me. thank the goddess |
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| Long time, no update |
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| 01:00pm 20/07/2006 |
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Well, I am back Online. Got my Internet working again.
I have been a bouncer at a gay nightclub for about half a year now. I have tons of crazy stories to tell. The nightclub is a short walk from my house so that's great. I meet lots of people. It's a lot easier finding people to date when you work at a nightclub, so that has been working out for me.
Been doing photography as usual. More 35mm work. I have been doing personal projects and some event coverage. Shooting my friends and stuff.
I am expecting UPS to deliver my new Apple G5 any minute now. I am looking forward to leaving PCs behind and going back to Apple. Last Apple I had was the Apple IIc. Main reason I want this machine is for my photography work. I am super serious about my photography. Need to get a portfolio Online. I am the world's worst procrastinator. =)
Been working on my car doing the full racecar interior. Having a lot of fun with it.
So hot in San Francisco today. It's crazy. I hate the heat. I like foggy cool days with very low winds. I have a suntan now because I painted my car rims black in the sun.
I have been on estrogen constantly with no breaks since 1999. Still enjoy living fulltime as a woman, no regrets at all.
Been a little sick lately, but nothing major. I have health insurance thank the Goddess so they will fix me up.
I was considering myself to be bisexual, but I am such a lesbian. Still have my lesbian gold star since I have never slept with a boy yet. I have been fooling around with some femme lesbians and bisexual girls lately. It's fun being a bouncer at a gay club, lol.
Allison just came from Singapore and it was great to see her. Wish she lived here.
Well, that's about all for now. I am going to try to survive this crazy heat today. |
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| 04:17am 24/04/2006 |
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Justin is going to visit me.
:)
finally! |
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| 02:35am 30/03/2006 |
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Well, there was a mixup in the schedule and I had to go in ........
fuck, my machine crashed and i lost a long-ass post
oh well |
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| 04:38pm 24/03/2006 |
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Somebody broke into a van right outside of my window last night at 4:20AM. The van belings to a plumbing place and it had security bars so nobody could get into the back. I thought I heard somebody trying to open the garage door forcefully then they stopped when they realized how loud it was. I thought I heard a beer bottle breaking outside last night actually. I had a bad feeling that somebody was out there up to no good but I was too deep asleep and not sure if I was just paranoid or not. Instead of breaking into vans at four in the morning these losers need to figure out how to earn an honest living. They need to get some morals before they end up burning for eternity in Hell.
Had some good coffee this morning. Good flavor. My new favorite coffee place in the neighborhood. My computer keeps crashing super hard. I might be OFFLINE here pretty soon. 9 out of ten times when I start my computer it says, "Operating System Not Found." My other machine does the same thing 99.99657% of the time. I hate HPs. Well, who knows how many hours of useage these machines have on them, I got my money's worth. Whatever files are on these machines I pretty much consider lost. The CD burners won't work on these machines. Gotta work on backing up whatever files I want to keep before this machine flatlines forever. |
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| well... |
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| 02:01am 23/03/2006 |
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Tonight was my first night as a bouncer at a dance club that's only 5 minutes away from me. Quyen came to the club. I thought she was Cheryl at first. I am such an idiot. My memory is ...nonexistant to spotty at best. Fuck, lol. Sometimes I say the weirdest things. Anyways, Quyen and her ex-girlfriend were looking really sexy. I want both of them to have their way with me. lol I wonder if I have a chance with either of them. I just let Quyen know I wanna go clubbing with her and to tell Cheryl if she is interested. That's my new technique, let them chase me. Now that I work at a nightclub I am gonna have more booty than I know what to do with.
I learned all of the secret passageways through the club that are for security only. Pretty cool. I get free drinks, but no alcohol. I had a few Red Bulls. Woot! lol, that is gonna save me money ciz I am a Red Bull junkie. Well, I usually get Rockstar or Monster cuz you get more ounces, but Red Bull has the classic taste. If I don't have to pay then I would choose Red Bull. The damn cans are so small though. I love being a security guard. Until somebody pukes on me of course, then it is gonna suck.
I was checking everyone's ID at the club. Kinda scary because some people have a real problem with authority. I was being nice and a couple people gave me a little bit of attitude. But I have backup bigtime and since I am the girl, the boys want to protect me. C* is really nice and I would mind hooking up with him. lol And L* is totally dope, we have great conversations. He is just like Melvin and I used to be, except more open-minded. I think L* has no idea that I am mtf. Some of the things he said give away that he has no idea that I am mtf. I just need some plastic surgery and I am gonna look hot. I will be reborn when I am older and get FFS (facial feminization surgery). I know lots of mtfs who got ffs and after that they look totally different and pass better.
I am such a clubgoer that I knew a lot of people. Some people were making me really horny. Some of those cute boys all nice and clean...well dressed and smelling good. mmmmm Speaking of cute boys, I hope Justin is doing ok. I wish he was my husband so I could take care of him. :monkey cry: *sniff* It'll never happen. I wish he still had a LiveJournal, but he deleted it.
So now this job is a perfect fit for me. I love it. But I just need a fulltime day job now. It should be no problem. I love having a job that is walking distance away. Commuting sucks. That is going to save me time and money.
Life just slips away. There is no rewind button on this motherfucker. My childhood as a girl was stolen from me you could say. Right now is being stolen from me because I don't look the way I want to. I'm not doing the job I really want to. But fuck it, appearances don't really reflect on what the person is like inside. I just want to be an arist but I don't want to do it just for money. Selling photographic prints is such a weird thing, especially in this digital age.
I wonder what security level I should set this entry at. really I should make it all friends only or private, but I guess I like to leave it open for strangers and friends who don't have a LJ to read. I can only imagine how many times having this journal has worked against me. But I am glad that LJ username, Graveyardgeisha gave me a code so I could have a free account. I owe it all to her. I love LiveJournal...until they make me pay, then I won't love it anymore, lol.
amen lol
I have been on a typing rampage lately. On my car club website I have been bombing the hell out of the boards with long ass posts. I should be a typist.
Somebody is on my fucking porch and I am ready to go out there and get them the fuck off it. Ahhhhh, fuck it, it's not worth it. Let them sit there. I can just dump a bucket with hot water and bleach in it on the porch in the morning and that should get rid of their filth. Probably some drunk gays boys sucking each other off. Good times.
I met like 100 people tonight. I am so screwed. I remember....let's see.....no names. Yeahhh, nothing, lol. Some faces I can't remember at all either, lol. I am so screwed. My memory, where did you go. You know what is weird is that my intelligence is still the same, my IQ still feels the same, but my memory is toast.
V and Alex were so drunk tonight. lol V is in love with a pretty Asian girl but I don't think the girl feels the same way. Poor V. She could date me if she wanted, but I guess I am too old for her. Plus, dating roomates isn't always the best idea. I would date V, but I don't think we would be that great of a match. But right now V and I are homies so everything is really nice. Speaking of roomates, I wonder if Shahin went to jail today. My other roomie Gabino...I work with his bf. His bf got me the job. Very cool. First job I tried to get after getting laid off and I got it.
i hope Jill is ok since her grandma died, I should call her. but she has her boyfriend so she doesn't need me. *sniff sniff* meh... I have too much love for too many people...weird. very weird |
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sindyshutterbug's journal
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