"Oh my G-d!  You're selizara from RARB!  That is SO COOL!" 

"As you embrace each moment through unconditional acceptance of its riches, however they appear, life embraces you back, blessing you with feelings of fulfillment, relaxation and peace."

 

Jon Davis of the non-date is married.  SO SAD.  CRYING GREAT BIG TEARS OF REGRET RIGHT NOW.  Or something.

Someone please fix my brain.

Pro Cardozo:
- good school
- great IP program
- large scholarship
- be able to maintain industry contacts
- good local recognition
- won't have to move
- won't have to leave all of my NY friends
- don't need a car/public transportation 24 hours per day
- lots of internship opportunities
- can remain active in the NY chapter of my professional organization

Pro Boston University:
- great school
- great IP program
- national recognition
- close to parents
- already have friends in the area
- housing is ridiculously close to Fenway Park
- may have a better chance of getting the job I want
- higher "at graduation" employment rate
- teaching is rated higher
- New York (and my apartment) will be there in the summers and whenever I want to come back

 I just got an offer of admission off of the waitlist from BU.

NOW WHAT.

Is it bad that I am totally enthralled by the movie "National Treasure" right now?  I mean...this is the worst acting ever, but I love the storyline of secrets hidden within the documents of the founding of the United States.  It's the history geek that's hidden deep deep inside...the one that would really like to go to Philadelphia by myself so I can spend as much time as possible wandering the colonial-era streets.

She's out - they decided she did not need to be admitted.  She got 2 bags of IV fluid and felt a little better, and they did a CT scan to determine that there is no internal bleeding or anything super bad going on.  So the answer is rest, and we'll see what happens.

Thanks all for your thoughts.  It means more than you could know.

Once I made the decision to be bold, it was easy.  It became a given.

First, I emailed someone I saw on a website and asked him out on a date.  Then, this weekend, I told someone at reunion that I thought he was absolutely adorable and that it was sad that he had a girlfriend.  And then I gave my phone number to someone else...and we've already started emailing back and forth in surprisingly verbose messages.  So what if he lives in Boston...and was the only non-Jewish member of AEPi from my year (oh, Jesus Christ, I really know how to do myself in, don't I.)

I guess there really is something to that attitude of being "out there" and "single" and "looking."  People tell you that it is when you stop looking that you find someone.  For now, I am going to disagree...it is when you start looking that you finally start seeing all of the people that were always there around you.

So I waited on hold for American customer service for 45 minutes only to be told that the only way I can get to St. Louis is by flying from here to Boston, from Boston to Chicago, and from Chicago to St. Louis.

I'm sorry, but on a day when there is supposed to be high winds, thunderstorms and hail in the St. Louis area, the LAST thing I am going to do is rely on three different flights to get me to a destination that was supposed to take me just one.

Tomorrow morning I will go to the American ticket counter that is 10 blocks away from my apartment in the hope that they can book me on another airline or on a flight that will get in on Friday.  Otherwise, this weekend is just not going to happen, and I'm going to have to wait for five years for the next one.

As many of you know, I was both wary and excited for this weekend.  However, the disappointment I am feeling right now is huge.  I was looking forward to spending a fun weekend with my friends doing a bunch of stuff that we haven't done in a long time, and I have no idea when this is ever going to happen again.  Most of all, though, is the fact that I have been using events like these (Red Sox game, reunion, vacation with family) as motivation events at work.  Like "hey, if I can just get through the next few days, I get to go to St. Louis!  Hooray!"  I feel like I just lost the game.

Hello, I'm an old person.

So far today, I've gone through two boxes of tissues, and I still can't breathe through my nose!

This is the suck.

New York Times article about a cappella

I'm on page 2.

Just finished a 1014 page book...that I started reading on Sunday.

I love reading.

While I was on the phone with J last night, he pointed out something that I don't think I've ever really talked about before.  We were discussing the reception I had just attended for one of the law schools that has admitted me, and how I didn't feel like I really fit in.  After hemming and hawing for a while about how I just felt a little more mature than the other students, a little more focused and directed, how I didn't feel impressed by the presentation the Dean made, I finally came out with it.

"I felt smarter than most of the people I talked to!"
"I was waiting for you to say that.  You know, you have a very underdeveloped sense of your own intelligence."

When I started this whole process, it wasn't "when I do well on the LSAT", it was "if I do well on the LSAT."  I never thought about "when I get in to law school", it was "if I get in to Law School."  Many people assured me that I would be perfectly capable of actually attending Law School and doing well, but I had a hard time convinving myself that I might actually be a viable candidate for admission.  If it wasn't for the score I'd gotten on the LSAT the second time around, I would be looking at a very different pool of acceptances than I am right now, and maybe not any at all.

I'm smarter than my paper record indicates, and I've never quite gotten over that.  "Oh, I almost failed out of college" I'll say to people, in a joking manner.  People who knew me then are often in on the joke; they know why things happened the way they did (or at least, they can guess.)  People who don't are usually shocked beyond belief.  "You?  How is that even possible?  That seems so uncharacteristic!"  "Everyone makes mistakes," I say.  "I just made really really big ones."  I joke, but it's still not that funny to me (yet.  I keep thinking that someday I will really, honestly be able to laugh about it.)  It still makes me feel ashamed, and I still want to cry when my insensitive brother makes fun of me for it.

What this means is that I'm not just looking at Law School as a place to gain a career and an education; I have something bigger to prove.  For me, this is my shot at redemption.  I came into college convinced of my own intelligence, and I left college convinced of nothing.  In the five years since then, I have struggled with reconciling the intelligent individual I am with the boring and unchallenging jobs that I've held.  There's nothing that will convince you more of being an idiot than working for idiots.

Standing there in the middle of people at this reception, I felt guilty about feeling smart.  What I have to realize is that this isn't something to feel guilty about.  I should be proud of my own intelligence, proud of my accomplishments, and proud that I succeeded in the admissions process in the face of what some thought were insurmountable challenges.

Now all I have to do is pick a fucking school.