i'm thinking of making a comeback of sorts on lj... possibly even one not involving a new username this time. chocolatechucks, domani_hussy, selanfene... i think that's more than enough. i mean, most people make do with just one... but my life is easily categorized into eras, and after an era ends, my old ljs always feel dirty. filthy, disgusting, and i want nothing to do with them. even reading the old ones makes me cringe. But this time i'm keeping it going. i've entered a new era, i think, but selanfene's gotten me through a lot, and now that i'm part of a community here i don't want to go through the hassle of a new name as far as that goes... and i'm thinking about starting up a new name for fanfic-related stuff, too, so three names would be way too much to deal with. besides, what kind of a person can't stablize (sp) for long enough to keep one lj? then again, what's the point of having a personal lj anyway? i have a pen-and-paper journal. i've never been good at keeping those, though... on the other hand, i've never been that good at ljs either. whatever i want to say never gets said, in favor of something lame. whatever. i think i'm going to keep both going, and see which dies first.
so today i'm basically just going to... well, write. whatever comes to mind. and no focusing on the past. i'm not going to recount events of the past today. i feel like moving forward... and i especially need to in my fanfictions. for that matter, i should be writing If We Can Make It 9, not some bullshit entry in an lj. (BAD HANNAH. VERY BAD.) i don't really want to continue it, but at the same time, i dont' wanna give it up. i mean, people read it, that's good, and i actually get reviews and people adding it to their story alert, too. however, it's not at all what it was supposed to be. i let my imagination carry me away, and now it's some sort of crazy-ass fic about mizuki's mother's dealings and her suicide, not the sanoxmizuki romance it was supposed to be. (wow! i just realized IWCMI is the only fic i've ever written about a canon pairing!) although right now i'm trying to have sano write mizuki a love letter... hmm, i've never written a love letter, so i dunno how it's going to turn out. i think i'm going to have to do some "research" to see what love letters are supposed to be like... luckily, i know just the people to help me with that. JBERS TO THE RESCUE! okay, yeah... that was weird... anyway, i wish more people would review Mad World. i'm really proud of it, but i've only gotten one review! that makes me a very majorly sad panda. if i thought anybody would read this, i'd put a link to it in here... but nobody reads my lj, so it doesn't matter.
speaking of writing, i've also been at a complete loss for poetry lately. usually i can whip off some kick-ass free verse, but everything i've tried the past week or so has sucked. majorly. and it's not like i'm having normal writers block--there's a lot i want to write, but nothing comes out right. it's a case of Retardation of the Pen, i think. so all i can do right now is write an update for IWCMI, because a month is far long enough to wait (i feel like such a bad author, making those poor people wait so long for updates...), and read other peoples' fics, and hope for the best.
god, i think i'm in love with student[insert numbers], sloanne, frisky, schroe, and hilby off FF.net. they're so fucking amazing... i adore their writing, their plots, their character development... AAGGHHHHHH! i even love their author's notes! they always seem to know exactly what they need to do to get the job done and seem incredibly kick-ass... oh, wait, that's prolly cos they are incredibly kick-ass! and while i'm on a lovefest roll, i may as well mention my extreme love for kill hannah and mat devine. <333 they've gotten me through a lot--everything from real life to fics, if that makes sense. i don't think i could do anything without them. <333333333 for real.
lessee... um... whoa, i've just talked way too much about fanfiction. obsessed much? okay, i'm actually not. it's more like i'm obsessed with newsies (and rent, but newsies more), and i'm a writer at heart. so fanfiction is an understandable outlet, is it not? yes, it is. besides, where else but fanfiction and icons (which i also dabble in... okay, a little more than dabble) can you get such wonderful slashiness as splink, spack, sprace (<3333333), blush, javid, .....*continues to list pairings and threesomes*... okay, so i'm insane. but you probably knew that. even though my favorite pairing is most definitely sprace, i think i have to say javid is still the otp. i don't know how that works, either, but come on... javid is just so otp-y. sprace is hot and all, and so fun to write and amazing to read, but javid is definitely otp.
OKAY, SERIOUSLY, HANNAH, STOP TALKING ABOUT FANFICTION! But, but... it's my life! YOU LOSER. well, if ysp were still on, or if school had started... STOP MAKING FEEBLE EXCUSES! BESIDES, IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE! ...so? it could be! NO IT COULDN'T. NOW SHUT UP. shutting up...
okay, now that they're done fighting...
i really should stop talking--this is getting ridiculous--but i've just discovered i fail at writing love letters. after all, last time i tried to write one (and this was a real one!) it involved repeated mention of a moldy straw. *sighs*
okay, i'm shutting up now. even though i have nothing better to do, as i cannot finish this chapter without sano writing a love letter, and i cannot not write the chapter, and... and... and i suck. i really need to write the love letter! i suppose i could go back to the part about mizuki for now and write the love letter and how she reacts later, but... i don't like writing like that. and i suppose i could also write the author's note, because i have a lot to say in that, but it makes me feel bad when i write them first.
wait, before i go: in order to keep me at this username without going insane, i changed the look. same format, different pictures and colors. this feels a lot more... easy? home? me? it feels more right. by a lot. the other one was very big and loud for what i want. i like how this one's very blue and bland... and i love the image of water in the background. i'll also be changing my userpic in a minute.
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selanfene's journal
