A Day in the Life of a Madman
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
seduissant's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, August 21st, 2007 | | 4:39 pm |
That summer feeling is gonna haunt you some day in your life... I’ve had the least relaxing summer of my entire life. I guess I just don’t stop getting older. Too bad I can’t just freeze myself in time or die or something. So here’s my summer in a nutshell. sketches and graphs / math / falling in love / the irrational / music / doing without understanding / bad ideas / beer / her bed / lucas road / lucas / straydog / nerds and techno / late-night balcony conversations / breaking and entering / the waterworks / pools underwear and moonlight / four-leaf clovers / battling patrick and joe / caffeine and nicotine / drinking myself to sleep / meals cooked by my roommates / spoon? fork! / the wiremen / sweating / waffle ball / waffle ball bat pain games / photographs / sleeping outside / accents / fireworks / the beach / my friends’ porn site: bonermagic.com (please don’t go there) / eating raw dead sea creatures / climbing trees / kisses / figuring out where i just woke up / the livingroom / impulses / inconvenient truths / not getting sick of her after four consecutive days / being woken up by a sand-paper cat-tongue / being woken up by the sun / oversleeping / dreaming / pissing off people i love / making myself happy / giving up good things for better things / crossing my eyes / art / public transportation through two cities / car rides / awkwardness / the first time we kissed / taking videos of people getting hurt / laughing / feet over head / making impractical decisions / spending money i don’t have / roggies / kicking out a racist / cliff-jumping / newport / my driveway / my attic / dead cell-phones / brighton café / milkshakes and ice cream / sleeping during the day / wildwood / rain / goddard park / frisbee / lunch / the bathroom counter / harmonies / hobo-folk / vinny and sal with an ‘a’ / block island / guitars / star wars trivia / garlic bread / movies / hangovers / the yellow couch / mama was / whispering ‘i love you’ as she walks away And now, the people without whom my summer would have been less interesting (in alphabetical order: Blanca / Dave Bosco / Tom “The Stud” Bosco / Ted Brown / Alex Butzbach / Carlos y Domingo / Linda Carlson / Rayna Coletta / Matt Croasdale / Dave Cote / Mike Dennett / Amanda Engborg / Bryan Fielding / Ross Fielding / Andrew Connor Finley / Linda Forsberg / Victoria Forsberg-Lary / Juliana Forsberg-Lary / Angel Gabriel Garcia / George / Ted Gibbons / James Y. Giguere / Courtney Hanna / Margie Hinds / Chris Huang / Jess Kelly / Kevin Lary / Mairin Lee / Maria Lee / Christie Leigh / Kristen Limbach / Eddie Lopes / Andrew Maksymowicz / Colleen Malachowski / Joanne McAulay / Amy Meehan / Matt Meehan / Lee Meryash / Sean Nelson / Greg O’Kane / Kevin Ohi / Cidalia Pereira / Nick Rue / Jeff Senk / James Shaffer / Lydia Smith / Jess Sola / Mike Spinello / Meg Splaine / Luciana Torres / Jim Wolfreys / Erika Young No traditional sign-off this time. I'm feeling all sentimental and shit. Just kidding: I gotta go, for my massive, lubed-up, razor studded boner isn't gonna twirl itself to Marilyn Manson music now is it?
Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: Peter, Paul, and Mary: "Don't Laugh at Me" | | Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 | | 12:24 pm |
After years of waiting...
I'm a reasonable man, get off my case.
I'm totally content.
Things are good: the pope stopped sending me threatening letters (per article 6 section 1B of our recently renewed contract), I'm enjoying my new lady-friend, the cheese I've been brewing in my bathtub is officially mold-free and therefore can be sold at a slightly higher cost than I originally expected, and my brain wasn't stomped on by any rhinoceroses (or rhinoceri) in the past 24 hours.
My mom is the inability to separate emotions from their causes... personified (which is cool). Vic and I have personal philosophies that are less and less compatible each day. Jules is like TOO good at acting... I fear she might explode or something. Sydonia's in Ohio and I miss her. My dad is just straight up cool-kid all the time. And I'm as fucking happy as I've ever been.
My friends are all cool... some of them cooler than others (Alex and my roommates - I'm looking at you guys)... some of them manage and maintain their own pornography website (Andrew and Jake - that's for you)... some of them are on fire, literally as we speak (Ross - call the fire department, man)...and some of them are even ghosts (Gerald - stop scaring the shit out of me every ten seconds would you?).
I'm officially lamer than I've ever been, but I've also increased my overall levels of coolness, sexiness, charm, stamina, wit, karate abilities, and turbo boost in the last few days. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I meet all the emission standards determined by the Kyoto Accord.
Seacrest, OUT bitches!
* I can't wait to make some fucking unicorns cry and shit *
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Robyn: "Konichiwa Bitches" | | Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 | | 4:45 pm |
If I should call you up, invest a dime...
I'm happy.
Some shit is gonna hit some fans but whatever, man. So the isthmus and the Lisps show went well. The mix was a little eff-ed up but we played pretty well and I had a ton of sweet sweat dripping all over my business. Two Weeks Notice (AKA Bryan Fielding, Matt Addison, and Seth Tobias) was really great too. We'll have to plan more shows together.
I have a pretty sweet weekend planned.
I killed like four kids at a playground this morning.
I have to go. My spam-smothered nipples aren't going to titillate themselves erect.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: "Are You the One That I've Been Waiting For" | | Tuesday, July 17th, 2007 | | 4:23 pm |
Your dad would drink until he was no longer speaking...
And my dad would piss on your dad's crotch while he was lying passed out behind the laundromat. Then, when your dad would wake up, my dad would tell him that he got so drunk he pissed all over himself.
That's all true. But then again, so are ghosts. Do you know what I never understood about people who are like severely afraid of ghosts and bogeymen and what-have-you? I never understood the logic behind ghosts wanting to scare the shit out of people that believe in them but not the skeptics. Although i guess it's kind of the same way with God (to risk blasphemy): If you don't have even the slightest inclination toward religion, the threat of hell doesn't really bother you since, to you, there is none. Thanks for coming along for this little philosophical ride. This was episode one in "Ghosts and God, with Zach Forsberg-Lary." Join us next week for thoughts on ghost/human romantic and/or sexual relationships.
Speaking of sexual relationships, some friends of mine (who will remain nameless to protect their privacy) started a pornographic website. The idea was to collect random pornographic content from across the world wide web, put it all in one place, and make a little money through advertisements and whatnot. Though I morally objected to their involvement with the pornography industry (which I believe to be exploitative [primarily to women, but also to men, the concept of love, and our society and its fixation with sex in general]), I nevertheless supported my friends in their decision... mainly because one of them has been particularly down in the dumps and confused lately and I thought it would be good for him to have something to work toward that provided him with a sense of responsibility or some sort of positive work ethic or whatever. Point is: I choked down my moral issues with the whole situation and said, "sure guys, I'll support you in this decision." They got excited, asked if I would help promote the site by wearing a tee-shirt with the url and slogan on it... I grudgingly accepted. Anyway, the site is finally up and running now and despite their assurances that it is a "classy site" with nothing too offensive, I wanted to see for myself what exactly I would be advertising if I were to wear this shirt. Lo and behold: pornographic videos, which in content are not necessarily any more or less offensive (though assuredly more explicit) than the average MTV music video accompanied by some of the most racist/sexist descriptions I have ever read. I literally got sick to my stomach realizing that two people I consider very near and dear to my heart are capable of such offensive and disgusting public behavior (not that I think it's okay or great to say any of this stuff in private... but to put it out there where anyone can find it just fucking disgusted me). This happened to be the second horribly offensive situation I was exposed to in the past few days, so maybe I'm overreacting. I think they crossed a line and I don't really see how I can be the same kind of friends with them that I was before they did this.
Isthmus and the Lisps show next Thursday. Should be great. Dunno where yet, but I guarantee you'll all enjoy it if you come. Jim's got a new song, I've got a couple, Erika's singing phenomenally, Chris and Lee are the bomb-shit, and Ross and Jess are doing the damn thing.
Well, I've got to go. My chode/choad isn't going to lube itself up with motor-oil and stir a jar full of glass splinters and iron fillings now is it?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Chad Van Gaalen: "Chronograph" | | Wednesday, July 11th, 2007 | | 10:46 am |
Summer in the city... means cleavage cleavage cleavage...
So I've just been coolaxing with my boyz up in briggidy-brighton lately... working on some pretty lame slang (in case you didn't notice). Working two jobs because I gotta pay child support and all that shiznit. My wife left me and I just got brain disease so my life's kind of taken a turn for the worse, since I last posted on this living breathing journal.
Just got a new computer from Joe. It works better than my old one with its perma-blue screen, so that was a real selling point. That and the kilo of DMT crystals that was taped to the inner seam of the leather bag he gave to me when I bought it. I've also been collecting pieces of yarn/string of varying length and colour... now that I have enough I think I'll finally weave that rainbow-leopard-print* thneed* I've always wanted.
So I've seen some decent movies lately, namely Save the Green Planet, Sicko, and The Ice Storm.
Save the Green Planet is this Korean film about a guy who thinks aliens are taking over the world so he like kidnaps and tortures them and some more fucked up shit. As the movie progresses, you start to realize he's just a nutter who's got some severe issues. By the end you're sitting there not knowing with whom you should be sympathizing, when BAM! there's an ending that clears up all confusion. Objective/critical rating: 7. Subjective rating: 8.
Sicko was by far the single most significant and well-made documentary ever made... by Michael Moore. Ha ha you guys thought I was making a huge blanket statement and then I didn't and y'all were like standing there in the dust saying "damn he's wily." But seriously, his argument for socialized medicine was very effective. According to a CNN "investigation" the facts are solid and the only legitimate criticisms people in the health-care industry have made is that he (Michael Moore) omits what they feel to be significant and compelling information for their position on the issue. He didn't have to convince me, but I'm sure his large-budget, blockbuster documentary will reach some people who would have otherwise never considered some of the ideas he presents. Objective/critical rating: 8.5. Subjective rating: 9.
The Ice Storm was downright weird. When they invented the phrase "all star" they were talking about the cast of this film. Unfortunately "they" died in a tragic car accident shortly before inventing the phrase "sturgeon smidgeon" which undoubtedly would have had an equally useful definition. But shall we return to my short review of the film? I think we shall. Some excellent performances by some talented actors/actresses were highlighted by Ang Lee's masterful direction. The cinematography fit the mood of the film very well. I was emotionally affected by the film. However, I can't really say I liked it or would want to see it again. There were some scenes that made me want to ROTFLMAO but I would not be upset if I never thought about this film again. Objective/critical rating: 7.5. Subjective rating: 4.5.
So I'm passing up a Mirah concert tonight to go to a private group lecture on substance abuse at the Boston Scientology HQ. I hope that's the right decision. I have a fascination with religions and cults so it will at least be interesting to me. Ideally, I'll go to the lecture and then Mirah will show up and give a private concert for all the Scientologists and me.
Well, I'm getting bored so I'm going to sign off: I've got to go because my robo-erotic asphyxiation droid just went haywire and I don't want to suffocate or splooj all over my desk at work.
*rainbow-leopard-print describes a pattern similar in design to the elusive rainbow-leopard of the Amazon... this is not to be confused with the obviously artificial multicolored leopard pattern common to drag-queen festivals and bad Halloween parties.
*a thneed is a something that everyone needs.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Cat Power: "Satisfaction" | | Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 | | 9:08 pm |
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
So here's an entirely non-interpretive description of last night and this morning. I will begin with a brief dedication:
This update is dedicated to Steel Reserve. Steel Reserve, you have always been one of my dearest friends... but occasionally you are my worst enemy. Within the last 24 hours, you have been both to me.
Here is the truth. I arrived home from work yesterday. I drank a 40 oz of malt liquor. I played some nintendo wii. I drank another 40 oz of malt liqour. At this point, Jim had to do very little to convince me to make the long and often treacherous journey to Bentley College via various forms of public transportation. We arrived at Bentley College around 8:30 PM. I drank another 40 oz of malt liquor. We went to an overcrowded 1970's themed party. We left shortly thereafter. I saw a building with a flat roof (apparently Bentley College's service building). I said, "Jim, I'm going to get onto that roof." Jim did not believe I could. I proved him wrong. I helped Jim get onto the roof. We climbed down from the roof. I saw a bigger, higher, more challenging roof which I wanted to climb. Instead, we went to see why there was an ambulance and a crowd outside a nearby dorm. We slipped and fell on some ice. We went back to the party, which had been busted by campus police. A thuggish fellow entered the room with his posse rambling about how he wanted to take some party pictures. The room was empty. He told me that he was related to Al Capone. I didn't believe him, but he looked like he wanted to fight somebody, so I didn't say most of the things that I thought. I was in several pictures with Al Capone's descendant, which I will most likely never see. He asked where I was from, to which I said, "Rhode Island." He asked how far Rhode Island was from New Jersey and I told him that it was about 3 or 4 hours. He told me it only took 2. I told him that it took at least 3. He said he drove it earlier that day and that it only took 2. I knew he was lying but didn't tell him that I knew this. Jim, Yee, Pat, and I left the party. Jim didn't believe that I could climb onto the bigger, higher, more interesting roof. I proved him wrong. Then I helped everyone else get onto the roof. Then I sprayed Jim with a fire extinguisher that I found. Then I sprayed Pat with the fire extinguisher that I found. Then I just sprayed everything within eye-sight that was not yet covered in white powder with the fire extinguisher that I found. Then we went back to Jim's friends' room. I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and watched "So I Married an Axe Murderer." I ate a can of cold Chef Boyardee Raviolis with a fork. I tried to make myself vomit because I felt like I would anyway and couldn't wait. I peed and pooped. We tried to catch a bus to Harvard, but I wouldn't get on because I knew if I did I would puke all over it and everyone inside. We walked to some building I had never seen before. I laid down on a couch and told Jim to come wake me when we were leaving. 2 hours later, I woke up because my phone was ringing. Jim was nowhere. There were between 100 and 150 well dressed high school students milling around arguing about trade embargoes and staring at me. I was confused. They watched me gather my belongings and leave. I still don't really know how long they had been watching me sleep. I found Jim and we got on a bus to Harvard Square. I convinced Jim to walk from Harvard Square to my apartment because it was a beautiful day out. Then we did. Then I took a nap. I woke up and ate a whole pizza. Now I'm typing this.
If a similar series of events ever happens to me after I graduate from college, I'll officially be a crazy person. That's a fact.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Cammille: "Pour Que L'Amour Me Quitte" | | Friday, February 16th, 2007 | | 12:17 pm |
I'm gonna be a cowboy, baby...
Yeah, I finally said it out loud. It's official, so plan accordingly. So anyway, speaking of "being things," I'm kind of frumped-out* that college makes you study something so specific. I've chosen perhaps one of the most broad realms of study, but still... there's so much else I want to do with my life. For example: farm alligators, graffiti, learn to ride horses/unicorns/elephants/camels/dragons/bears/rhinos/ghosts/giant ants (specifically ghosts and giant ants), cross-dress on a regular basis, live in a trailer, have a whole mess of kids, grow marijuana and heroin illegally in a warehouse in Roxbury (already underway), meet famous dead people during a seance, dump like three tons of red food coloring into the Rio Caroni so Angel Falls looks like blood, cure cancer and/or AIDS, music, dress like a pirate at important public functions, and so so so many more things I can't even think of right now.
So, I've been kind of weird lately. I don't really know why. Overall, I'm the happiest I've been in eons, but I think I'm getting bored. I need something horrible to happen to me to keep me on my toes... or some drama... I should offend someone important enough to have me killed. Then I could become a fugitive and have some sweet adventure that would have to include my developing clever plans to outsmart a criminal mastermind who has a clear technological/emotional/experiential advantage. In the end, my spirit of determination would overcome adversity and I would throw him/her off a really high building or something. But that would not be the end of it... not at all. I'd have to go and apologize to the important person whom I had insulted and started this whole fiasco. He/she would forgive me and respect the strength of character I showed in admitting I was wrong. He/she would then offer me a high-paying job that I would politely decline in order to pursue a humble life with an attractive and intelligent woman whom I had met and received help from during my brief stint as a running man.
Japan invented a beer/milk combo drink called "Bilk." Don't believe me? Look it up in a book or something. Anyway, my point is: FINALLY! someone in Japan has telepathically read my twisted mind. I've been mixing alcohol and dairy since the first moment I found myself with a bottle of cheap vodka, a carton of chocolate milk, and a Bonnie "my homeless Bonnie lies over the Ocean" Anderson to egg me on. There's an idea: eggs. Someone should make an egg/booze combo drink. I'll drink it.
Okay, so. SABGO tonight. Should be fun. I think it will all come down (as it always does) to a game of world domination: RISK. I suspect the team scores will be relatively close until the final event, which will once and for all determine who are the winners and who are the not-winners (as a loser, I'm often offended when people use this term in a derogatory way... similar to how Jews, Retards, and Fags feel about their respective terms being used to insult).
But I gotta go, my genetically-engineered talking kumkwat tree isn't going to learn the words to "Bear Necessities" all by itself now is it?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: The Beatles: "Only Sleeping" | | Monday, February 5th, 2007 | | 3:21 pm |
I must be on my way... But baby it's cold outside...
And it sure is fricking fracking cold outside. It's colder than my ex-wife at our last court date. Just kidding, I've never been married... legally... in America or Europe. But in all seriousness, I just wanted to tell a Rodney Dangerfield joke for y'all in case you had hankerings.
Anyway, I had a decent weekend. The weather could have been a little kinder to me, but I'm over it. Mother nature just won't be getting a very expensive St. Valentine's Day present from me this year. Maybe I'll spend the extra cash on Father Time's present this June. Who am I kidding, I'll spend it on GHB and crystal meth (the breakfast of champions).
But anyway, I saw my sister Jules in a play, hung out with Vic, Jules, Mom, Ted, and Andrew Mak all Saturday and Sunday. I skipped church to eat breakfast with Andrew and Mrs. Mak. I only pooped my pants like 30 times over the weekend, which is pretty good for me.
Oh also, I got to see my dog, Lucas. He and I played a ton until we got tired and fell asleep (just like the old days when I used to live at my house). I used to always get home from work and throw the frisbee around a ton and wrestle with him and stuff. Then, the next thing I knew I'd wake up on the ground/floor with dog slobber all over my hands and a sleeping golden retriever near my face like 2 hours later. Sometimes I miss home... most of the time I do not. Realistically I just miss a few people and my dog, and if all of them would just move to wherever I am at any given moment, I could be anywhere.
The past few cold days have made me want to move someplace warm after school. And my increasingly empty wallet has made me want to move someplace cheap. I'm thinking maybe Haiti, I heard they have pretty good health care and schools there. If not maybe like deep rural Southern United States where people won't accept me because I don't have slaves and speak in full sentences. I'm kidding of course, I love the South. Every time I go to a city I fall in love with it and want to move there really badly (New Orleans and Savannah are strong examples of this).
In any case, I must leave you... I've been at work, bored off my ass all day and must return to my apartment soon to sit around writing music, eating, and sleeping (in no particular order or schedule). Literally, I spent all day looking at facebook and myspace. I fucking hate how the internet gives me just enough to do that I don't die of boredom... but not nearly enough that I ever feel like I've accomplished anything worthwhile. I literally sent messages and e-mails to like 30 people today... not because I had important things to say, but because I had nothing else with which to occupy the 6 hours I've spent at this desk. Oh and I ate some chips and had 4 hot chocolates you sexy thing*.
Gotta go, for real now.
*The song, "Sexy Thing" was written and performed by the band Hot Chocolate.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Camille: "Je Vais Prendre Ta Douleur" | | Wednesday, January 10th, 2007 | | 11:32 am |
As long as they like us and laugh when we're funny and smile when we kiss it'll all end up okay.
But when we tell them that we're getting married... it'll be a shitstorm. Just kidding. I'm not getting married. That was a song lyric. I was going to get married like a week ago, but it's probably good that I didn't. But anyway.
Jarri Hasnain and I are collaborating on a Graphic Novel. I've been writing like crazy and he's been drawing up a storm (specifically a twister). He hasn't been drawing actual storms but he's been drawing lots, and "up a storm" is an expression that means a ton. He hasn't been drawing "lots" like parking lots but he's been drawing a ton, and "lots" is an expression that means very much. He hasn't been drawing a physical measurement of weight "the ton" but he's been drawing prolifically. Regardless of what it is he's drawing (mostly characters and scenes and stuff) it's gonna be sweet like a year from now when we finish.
Recent personal pet peeve: misuse of words that sound more sophisticated than the simpler but more accurate alternatives. For example, "surrealistic" and "surreal" are two very different things. Similarly, "deconstruction" is not the same as "destruction." Also, "imagery" and "images." Lastly, I just found out a word that I've been using correctly (which most people don't) but have been pronouncing incorrectly. "Homage" is an allusion or reference (brevity is a necessity), and it is pronounced H-emphasis on the short 'o'-m-idj (not all French sounding, like film critics have been doing for almost a decade. Don't believe me look it up on OED or another dictionary. I was surprised. But so anyway, my point. People always say things like, "oh this film was an homage to blah blah blah" WRONG: an entire film cannot be an homage. An homage is, for example, using the same car in your movie as the car used in Hitchcock's Psycho or the inclusion of a line of dialog from another work. Tarantino's films are not homages to anything. Specific elements of scenes or uses of imagery maybe, but Kill Bill is not an homage to Kung Fu films or Westerns or anything, it is a genre piece created in the style of Kung Fu films. Jackie Brown is not an homage to Blaxploitation, it is a film made in the style of Blaxploitation. At the closest correct usage of the word: Tarantino pays homage to the genres in which he creates his films... that's it. This is one of which I'm particularly guilty... as far as pronunciation is concerned. I started mispronouncing it because I heard it pronounced "o'mahzj" so many places that I didn't bother to look it up until like yesterday. Check your heads fools.
Well I gotta go. My pet weasel isn't going to rip my left nipple to pieces in homage to Jaws all by himself now is he?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Nouvelle Vague: "Killing Moon (Echo and the Bunnymen)" | | Friday, December 29th, 2006 | | 11:34 pm |
I think we're alone now...
So many things have happened recently. In order of their chronological proximity: I watched/listened to Jess Kelly's radio show on WZBC this afternoon, discovered a plethora of permanent marker TATUs on my body*, pissed the bed, fell asleep, cleaned the apt a little, hung out with my uncle, had dinner with the wildwood folks, Christmas, Christmas Eve, fun with RI friends, ended a four-year friendship with my ex-girlfriend Anna Walsh (she was particularly important to me for a very long time and I will never forget the time during which I knew and loved her), started exams.
I am considering posting a weekly talk-radio mp3 somewhere online, the content of which will suck. Let me know if any of you think this is a good idea. I've also been considering quitting crack for real this time. It's just so hard to stop doing something you love so much. My New Year's resolution is multifaceted this year: I will be less spiteful toward orphans, I will defecate only in designated areas and receptacles, I will give at least one high five every hour (if nobody's around, I will high five one of my hands with the other hand), I will create a lifesize artistic representation of Gerald from EG.
I've decided one of my children shall be named after Captain Hook's first mate, Smee. I watched Basquiat, Alice, Benny and Joon, Untamed Heart, and Tarzan Legend of Greystoke within the past week. I also hired an assassin to snuff this guy who gave me the wrong change at the convenience store three days ago... I think it was a good decision. Sadly faithful friends, I must leave you with a traditional sign-off: my wax statue of Clark Gable isn't going to get high off velveeta cheese and bum-rape a no good horsethief on his own now is he?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Garbage: "I'm Only Happy When it Rains" | | Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 | | 1:51 pm |
All is calm... all is bright... So... First, I found that facebook feature that allows you to forward your livejournal posts to your facebook blog: how convenient. That's what I'm now doing. So I gotta keep these entries a little more appropriate in case my school administration is cruising facebook for serial murderers or sexual predators or illegal arms dealers or what-have-you. Also, no more jokes about my meth habits, crack-cocaine stash, extensive collection of marijuana needles, or ecstasy pipes. Of course, I'm kidding about all of this... I'll continue to make these jokes (perhaps even more frequently). I've posted a ton of songs up on my myspace also some poems on my other living journal photos can be found at my webshots. There, now you can stalk me all you'd like (I hope not too much, because that movie with Michael Douglass and whatshername scares the shit out of me. Getting stalked by Glenn Close (there's her name) is probably my second biggest fear (next to the zombie apocalypse of course). At least I'm prepared for the zombie apocalypse... I mean I don't even know Glenn Close, so she could be stalking me right now and I have no way of ever finding out until she gets carried away and kidnaps my children or something like that. Speaking of the zombie apocalypse, I'd like to briefly share my thoughts on it with you faithful and open-minded readers (that's what we like to call persuasive writing by the wizzay). I shall do it in bullet form, since it makes it seem more important and technically accurate: 1. The zombie apocalypse is inevitable. It is not a question of if it will happen, rather when. 2. When it happens, it will be nothing like those old zombie movies where they're stupid and they move really slowly. Rather, it will be much more like the new Dawn of the Dead, or even worse: 28 Days Later. 3. There are only five or six ways to effectively prepare for the apocalypse in the hopes of surviving. a. Start storing food... now. Two weeks worth is all that's really necessary, because as soon as it happens you want to get as far from any city as possible (higher concentration of zombies and potential zombies). Head for the hills, temporarily team up with some gun-owning, hillbilly, second-coming folks (they've been ready for this for decades, and their irrational faith in a vengeful god will be inspiring during this time of crisis). b. Keep several (12 or 15 ideally) weapons of various types, or regular objects that can be used as weapons, around your home. It is important not to keep them all in one place in case the apocalypse arrives when you're in the attic or something (I recommend at least 2 per floor, ideally one per room). My personal recommendations of weapons are as follows: i. Baseball bat (preferably aluminum... sturdy, easy to use, powerful) ii. Tire iron (a little more compact, still sturdy, lighter weight [perfect for kids or elderly folks]) iii. Compound Hunting Bow (you'll probably have to go buy one, but you'll be thanking me once you survive... guns are impractical since they require non-renewable ammunition. You can always retrieve an arrow from a zombie's corpse. Also, in close-range combat, an arrow can be perfect for skull-stabbing) iv. Meat cleaver (sturdier than a carving knife, still easy to wield) v. Machete (ideal blade... will come in handy later for bushwhacking) vi. Crowbar (doubles as a weapon and an important tool for breaking and entering into abandoned buildings) vii. Brass knuckles (one set for each family member or friend you plan on surviving with... should be worn at all times in case one is caught unaware without a weapon) viii. Bowie knife (tool/weapon should be carried at all times by everyone) xi. Hatchet (another tool/weapon, lighter than an axe... one per party is plenty) x. Slingshot (3 or 4 is perfect... anything can be used as ammunition, mid-range weapon, easy to use) Weapons that should not be brought despite their desirability: i. Guns (bullets run out quickly, over-reliance weakens reflexes and hand-to-hand combat skills: eventually [i.e. once the ammo is gone] the weapon is rendered useless) ii. Golf clubs (break easily) iii. Axes (too heavy... most weapons should be easily used by an individual of any age or body type) c. Eventually, you will have to get to the ocean or a large lake. Do not waste time or space storing camping supplies or fishing equipment (looting a sporting goods store is much more practical). The goal is to stay as far from other people/potential zombies as possible. And the best way to do this is to find a deserted island with ample food sources, make yourselves comfortable since you may be living here the rest of your lives. d. The zombie apocalypse is an every-person-for-his/herself event. If you find other parties of survivors, make sure they can be trusted before joining them. Also, do not pay much concern to attempts toward the survival of the human race (this is of no consequence to one's own individual survival, which is much more important during apocalyptic events). e. Never, I repeat: never keep an infected (i.e. bitten, scratched, slobbered on, etc) member of your party for sentimental reasons. Mercy killing, or abandonment, though potentially inhumane or immoral, is the only way to assure the safety of the other party members. f. Do not endanger yourself or your party members in order to find/gather information or in order to attempt contact with other survivors via telephone, letter, computer, satellite, etc. Small scouting parties are acceptable, but it is safest to wait for others to find you (which if there is any remaining semblance of government or social order, will eventually happen). Well folks, that's that. There are obviously tons of other little pieces of advice I could offer you, but these are the basics. Oh, by the way: Jim and I are playing open mic tonight at Roggies around 9 or so. We recorded a rough draft of a new cover song which is pretty killer. I'll try to post it somewhere online within the next few days. Now I will sign of, as I've grown accustomed to doing: I'd better go. After all, my venus fly trap hasn't been fed in weeks, and it's been drooling lately as I walk by. Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: Damien Rice: "Eskimo" | | Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 | | 1:51 pm |
Microphone check micro microphone checka...
So I'm testing out embedding a song in this living journal, we'll see how it works. other than that, there's not too much new in my neck of the woods. I recorded a song for Bryan Fielding while he was up visiting with Vic, Ross, and Will. It's a great song, and it came out awesome (as far as technical auudio quality and all that jazz). Last night we (I, Alex, Jim, Matt, and Jess) filmed the raw footage for a short film we're working on. Thanks to 66 Englewood residents for letting us film at their house. Matt and Jess are the principles, and they were fricking fracking awesome. Anyway, gotta go do some stuff.
Invalid video URL.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Beirut: "Postcards from Italy" | | Thursday, November 16th, 2006 | | 4:36 pm |
Soon turned out... I had a heart of glass... So livejournal, I haven't been faithful to you and for that I am sorry. And you, my readers, how I must have offended you. Anyway, I write now to tell you that nothing has happened since my last post. Sure little situations have come and gone, changes have occurred here and there. But, there have been no earth-shattering events in my life. I've been deathly ill this week and I don't know why. It must be all that oven cleaner I drank the other evening (thanks alot wu tang clan for the advice). I've posted several poems on a companion livejournal at http://zforsberglary.livejournal.com/ you should all go there and read them. Music has been going well lately. Isthmus and the Lisps has been semi-stagnant since our show at the Asgard, but our two side projects have been going fairly well, which is cool. I misses my sisses, and mother and father of course. I saw them all last weekend for Jules' play (which was great bee tee dubs). Jules was awesome, along with Danny Malloy. Everyone else in the cast ranged from decent to okay to terrible, but my little sister stood head and shoulders shampoo above the rest as outstanding (like cows in their field). Lastly, I hope all you friends with whom I communicate primarily through livejournal didn't forget I exist. And in case you had, here's my sign-off: I gotta go, because my recently shaved testicles aren't going to light a match in a glass bottle and suck themselves through the narrow opening. Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: U2: "In the Name of Love" | | Monday, September 25th, 2006 | | 3:04 pm |
This is really happening... Here I'm alive...
For those of you who are new to this phenomenon, this is my living journal. I post fairly irregularly and often with little or no coherence. Let us begin where all things must inevitably do so, the beginning:
I arrived at college only a few days shy of a month ago. I have carved myself a humble little home from the skeletal remains of a once majestic mass of brick and concrete known only as 1711 Commonwealth Ave. I eat mostly noodles and canned fish, both of varying size, quality, and flavor. As a family unit, we have decided to clean our apartment as little as possible while still maintaining livable conditions. We have also converted our balcony to a hammock-adorned, grill-equipped, beer can storage unit. We've determined that for every 30 beers we or our friends consume, we can be refunded one dollar and fifty cents for recycling. That, my friends is how I first realized my long-dormant desire to become a full blown alcoholic.
Now I know what you mathemeticians and logicists are thinking: "how does the dollar fifty refund possibly make up for the several dollars spent on the beer?" I will tell you, but only if you promise not to judge my creative faculties. People drink beer. They do, especially young people, whether we'd like to believe it or not. Since beer will be guzzled by the gallon at a fairly regular pace, saving cans is merely a way to get MORE beer for the same dolalr spent. It is not, by any stretch of the imagination a way to create a profit of any sort, rather to get more from less. We are, in a sense, taking a lesson out of the book of waterworld*. We're pissing into the proverbial filtration system and savoring the subtle flavors of the result.
Moving along, Isthmus and the Lisps has played three open microphone nights to some avail. We now have the following: one new song, one new cover, one rough-draft recording of the aforementioned new song, one incomplete recording of the aforementioned new cover, syphilis.
My love life is far from stagnant but, as usual, is filled to the brim with interesting situations, emotions, complications, explosions, triangles, squares, inconsistencies, irregularities, awkward conversations, etc. In other words, how could I ever ask for more?
I bought a handgun (revolver), bolt action rifle, and uzi, all of which are registered for my personal protection. I also have a license to carry the pistol in a holster on my person at all times, which is cool. I've invested in a pair of chaps, cowboy boots, spurs, pancho, hat, an array of bandanas, holster, and stubby hand-rolled cigars. The rifle and uzi will have to stay at home when I go out, which I guess I feel okay about. There are plenty of squirrels who like to climb trees near my windows, so needless to say I will be able to practice my aim as frequently as I desire (at least until they wise up and find a different tree to scamper around in).
I saw Regina Spektor in providence the other night, and will be seeing her again in a couple weeks. So far Ross Fielding is the only Rhode Island friend who has visited. A visit from Meg and Jill is in the works, and Anna is of course coming for the Regina show.
My classes are all interesting and I am learning things in all of them. So mission accomplished on that front. But, I had better go, my dianetics tutor isn't going to stare seductively into his own eyes while massaging my anus with baby oil in anticipation of the pending penetration.
*Waterworld is a 1995 large-budget film starring Kevin Costner, who was presumably in need of work or contractually obligated to participate in this cinematic atrocity. The film takes place in a post-polar-ice-cap-melt world, in which floating peasant communities and jet ski gangs interact in far-from peaceful scenarios, most of which appear almost feudal in structure. Also Costner plays a mutant who somehow has gills and can breathe both air and water.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: The Beatles: "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" | | Friday, September 15th, 2006 | | 1:13 pm |
Got me on a leash I said a damn damn leash...
So when I was walking back to my apartment this morning from colleen's couch I swear to god a squirrel fell from a wire hit a stop sign and splatted in the road not 6 feet from where I stood dumbfounded. Then it got up and scampered off. I doubled over laughing my ass clean off.
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Isthmus and the Lisps: "Don't Leave" | | Wednesday, September 13th, 2006 | | 10:01 am |
When it's twilight in boston...
So we're back. Me and my multiple personalities, that is. So we've played two open microphones, made some new friends, had an egg-drop, etc. The apartment is nice, if anyone wants to visit just hit me up.
Well I should go, my urban-chic thong isn't going to pick itself from my dingleberry filled asscrack with a pair of pliers and a hacksaw now is it?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: David Bowie: "Nature Boy" | | Friday, May 12th, 2006 | | 5:01 pm |
The consequence of sounds... So I have downloaded over 150 bootlegs of live Regina Spektor songs, including several performances of songs soon to be released on her new album and many rare/first performances of certain songs. Thanks to Alex Butzbach for mentioning the site that got me started, the tippity top of the bootleg music iceberg if you will. I've been playing online scrabble. Yesterday was a good day. Today was not. My score's been going down. It's probably karma equilibrium-alizing itself for that elderly man i anally raped and killed (the modifier 'anally' applies only to the rape, not the kill... for the record). On a side note, it breaks my heart every time I hear about sombody else's heart breaking. It happens too often to too many people. Shake shake shake senora, shake your body fine, shake shake shake senora, shake it all the time.      That's Volume 3, Issues 11-15 for those of you who are keeping track. Enjoy. But I gotta go, my wooden barrel of aborted dragon fetuses isn't going to swim in itself with its wrists slit until it dies in magically painful aphrodisiac bliss now is it? Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: Regina Spektor: "The Consequence of Sounds" | | Wednesday, May 10th, 2006 | | 10:37 am |
Sometimes when I look deep into your eyes... I swear I can see your soul. Several things: One, Bonnie the Crack Cooker lives in my house. Two, Meg Splaine is one of the coolest humans ever. Three, Anna is plugged into my brain somehow still (Most of the explanations i can think of involve the occult, but I suppose it could just be that we know eachother THAT well. I prefer to think she's using voodoo for some reason. I guess it's like when you get your cable TV cancelled, but you still get some weird stations until you undo the chord, so you leave the chord there until you die just to get those stations. I didn't really think through that metaphor. Retrospectively, I guess I'm the Cable TV, she's the person who cancelled the subscription, but didn't unplug the chord [which represents chicken nuggets] so she still gets some of the channels [which are symbolic of my inner workings?]. Now that I analyzed it, it doesn't really apply). That was a great parenthetical aside b t dubs. Four, I equals pumped to start working this summer. Five, Jake is leaving for China a week from today. Six, I love my sisters. Slevin: So our last open mic went well. I disappeared for like 3 hours or more. When I reappeared, I had acquired some sweet anecdotes from the other world. I met Brad, Rebecca, and Bernie... in that order. There were others, but there names have faded with time. Then I ride home. Now I'm in my bed wondering where the time goes. Here are five more adjusted comics. I've been making more too, so there are tons now. The themes become painfully clear after maybe ten or eleven. I hope y'all enjoy. There's kind of a progression I guess, so it might be best to read the last batch if you haven't. Here it is, Volume 2 Issues 6-10.      Current Mood: mellowCurrent Music: James: "Sometimes" | | Sunday, May 7th, 2006 | | 11:06 am |
| | Friday, May 5th, 2006 | | 9:56 am |
I ain't no pleasure hound...out on a bender...
That's a little holiday song for y'all. SO, last night Baritone came to BC to hang out with Jim for a while. We had fun. We wound up making prank phone calls to people with the same names as famous celebrities. Classes are over. Exams start next week. I have a couple of essays to do sometime next week, but whatever. Anyway, I fell asleep on Jim's couch while watching him play a terrible videogame last night. I woke up on a different couch sometime this morning. Tonight we're going to MIT for the annual steer roast. It's supposedly pretty fucking weird shit. We had to signup on a guestlist and all that. Should be fun though. I think it's tomorrow night too if we feel like going back. I'm excited to start working this summer. Probs going home next monday night to hang out with the meg and the jill. Meg turns 21 on wednesday and she's getting a tattoo to celebrate... fun fun fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away. That was entirely irrelevant.
Anyway, check out my sweet band's myspace @ www.myspace.com/isthmusandthelisps
But I gotta go now. My legless stump of a human next door neighbor isn't going to be handcuffed to the boiler and gagging on my erect, studded-condom-wearing chode while covered in kerosene with a burning cigarette fuse and about 3 grams of C4 explosives strapped to his chest all by himself now is he?
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Isthmus and the Lisps: "My Favorite Tree"(link last entry) |
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