Date: 2008-07-20 17:04 Subject: Wee paws.... Security: Public

• 21:50 The parking attendant made a point of saying saturday is good. Like in a way that made me wonder what he was selling. #
• 21:51 Poke me if you see a guy in a kilt. #
• 22:00 new insight: The cheapest apartments are by the jail. I shd not b surprised. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-20 16:59 Subject: Is it Halloween yet? Security: Public

The phrase "Zombie Dance" is one of the most perfect pairings of words, like "Chocolate cheesecake." Perfect complements. Also there's the wonderful paradoxicality of it all, with the artificiality of the undead and their ultimately organic means and ends, the undying yet rotting flesh. With the advent of "Ramalama," a heavily synthed but blood-pounding rhythm in the background, "Zombie Dance" may have met its ultimate expression on "So You Think You Can Dance."

Since I can't get this ear worm out of my head,

Shaaaaaaare.

2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-19 20:07 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

One of the apartment complexes that keeps coming up is within walking distance of Charlie's house.  If that one turns out to work out, I'm considering it a bobdamned sign.

Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-19 17:34 Subject: Working the numbers Security: Public

From what I can tell from my Medicare experience, I can acquire government help in case of pregnancy with an income of up to $1844/month (The website says $1706 gross, and I'm adding in the "employer-paid"--which is paid by me--Social Security tax.) 

I've been looking at apartments in Atlanta this week, and the one that I found least objectionable so far, I have to make $1725 a month to qualify for.  I got $1850 last month and $1640 this month.  That means that this month I averaged around 1150 lines a day and last month, it was almost 1300 lines a day.  That's about an hour's worth of work a day.  That seems a little bit swingy to me, if I can have more or less an extra half week of work or not at any given time.

But if I'm looking at the difference between $1725 and $1844, it's a fine line, really. 1200 lines a day versus 1290 lines a day.  About two reports a day.  I definitely do not have that kind of control over my work flow.

My average so far this month is 1360 lines per work day, although I doubt I'll actually end up grossing over $1900 this month, that's where that average lines me up.  Good for apartments, bad for government assistance.  I don't think that extra $60 over the $1844 is going to get me even one doctor's visit, so I wonder how they draw this arbitrary line.

When you start looking at taxes, things get uglier.  My tax bracket would be 15%.  Fortunately, that's not going to change anytime soon. That applies all the way up to like $30,000.  UNfortunately, if I get an apartment that is (according to their policies) 33% of my income and the government takes 30%, then I've got 37% of my gross to buy water, gas, electric, food, clothing, telephone, internet, and gasoline.  That also has to pay for car insurance, doctor visits, and the accountant I need to keep up with this stuff.  And the controversial luxury of my fake nails, which are about $18 a visit, and I stretch it out to three weeks between visits.  Then there always seems to be something extra, like owing the IRS an extra $125 this month, or paying my ad valorum tax on my car, which, since it's an old car, is only about $80.  And then I have to pay my credit card bill, which I ran up while having no job, nowhere to live, etc.  I've been doing pretty well with that since I've been staying at my mom's rent-free the past couple of months.  Having an apartment would put me back in the paying-the-minimum and no-emergency-funding status.

But my mom and Charlie think this is the best thing for me to do.  Because it's cheaper than going back and forth and more settled and safe and all that.  I'm not saying those are the only reasons to get an apartment, because goddess knows, I'm tired of feeling out of sorts and gypsy-ish and all that.  That's exactly the reason it came up in the first place.  A place to put my stuff, beholden to no one as to how I behave or where I go, proving that I can "make it" on my own.  I thought I did that already, at least, I think I managed.  I thought I made the rational decision that roommates were necessary... but I can't seem to be comfortable with roommates, or at least, find a situation that is better at this moment.

I started thinking about all this because I'm missing an SCA event this weekend that I paid in advance for; this happened because I ended up working overtime.  The original question was whether getting the extra work in would pay me back for the money I lost.  The answer, by the way, is "yes."  So not every decision I've made recently was a loser.

7 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-12 17:09 Subject: Wee paws.... Security: Public

• 19:00 @flyswatter I'm sorry, yet unsurprised. Proactively consult w home health services, sz I. #
• 20:26 @grizzlydan when did you do that #
• 20:56 Back from dinner, seeking inner peace. Walkies now. #
• 10:36 Busy weekend, Janel gets married, Dragon*Con meeting, hopefully paycheck. #
• 14:58 Cleaned out a lot of stuff yesterday. Soon will buy new earrings. #
• 15:16 Got hair cut. Much less heavy and ends curling. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-12 15:10 Subject: Posted using TxtLJ Security: Public

I seem to have split Charlie in two-- the part I miss and the part that's keeping me away from him. Meanwhile, roadwork is keeping me from janel's wedding.

1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-11 17:07 Subject: Wee paws.... Security: Public

• 10:43 @flyswatter Good lord, honey, we'll have to get a leash. #
• 10:44 Saved a spider from the bathtub. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-09 19:36 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

I'm indulging in mushy adolescent music (Jim Steinman, Journey) because I have been procrastinating too much and I will be working late.

And I keep checking the email in case he writes me.  He knows who he is.

By the end of summer, maybe I'll be used to not talking to him every day, but I doubt it.

Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-07 22:19 Subject: Belated thanks Security: Public

Many, many thanks go to heofmanynames and dosferatu for their support last weekend, but particularly heofmanynames for all the hand-holding, pressure points, and driving around.  He pointed out in his journal that it somewhat derailed his own recovery from oral surgery.  I'm here waiting to pay you back, darling.

I don't even know what to say about it, because it frustrates me and makes me cry, but I can't seem to figure out how to "fix" my relationship with Charlie.  I just know I've never loved anyone like this.  Does that mean more, better?  I don't know.  I think it means with myself, for the long term.  I'm not always excited about him, I'm not always anxious.  Sometimes, though, like last weekend, he's the only person where I feel right, ok, or safe, or something.  Dammit.  I love him in spite of everything, and it's killing me that we're not together.  Great, now I want TWO things beyond hope and reason.

3 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-06 16:32 Subject: Doing ok Security: Public

Just so you know, I'm better. I was hopelessly bad for a while, so if you haven't heard from me, that's why. I've been hiding behind this computer screen, and now I'm some better. I can probably deal with one person at a time right now, but that's normal for me, so that's ok. I still don't feel like groups.

I do feel like therapy. I think I will make the opportunity to afford some next week.

2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-04 20:16 Subject: The questions were really interesting Security: Public

I think I would like to be better at reassurance, giving and receiving. Who wants to help?

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Cuddleslut

27% Anxiety Over Abandonment and 21% Avoidance Of Intimacy

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-04 11:49 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

Ok, I'm here.  Amuse me.

13 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-04 11:21 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

The deer is back.   She just walked through the back yard, calmly eating my mother's liriope (sp?).  I'm taking it as a sign.

2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-04 10:03 Subject: How will I put things back together? Security: Public

I just can't stand the thought of going to Fourth of July family outings.  (I also can't stand pretending to feel patriotic today, but that's another rant for another time.)  My family is shattered, and I don't want to be in the middle of a bunch of people who are more directly related and at each other's throats when they have the choice not to be, while all I want is as much family as I thought I had three years ago, or a year ago, or a month ago.

Right now, I'm working and having coffee.  Then I will add such mundane things as exercising and bathing and brushing my teeth.

2 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-03 16:14 Subject: Posted using TxtLJ Security: Public

Saw doctor. I am ok. Apparently everyone always wants to try again. No one says ugh, that sucked, never again.

10 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-07-02 14:31 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

Ok, I'm looking at apartments for $500 in the Doraville area.  This is doable.  Really.  I can. 

10 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-06-30 23:02 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

I am so tired of being homeless. I don't want to be with anyone. I want to have a place to be alone. I don't know what to do.

3 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-06-28 20:11 Subject: It doesn't hurt right now Security: Public

I ended up making an ER visit this morning, because I woke up in pain that wouldn't quit and wouldn't allow me to function.  No eat, no type, no read, no talk, no think.  It was only about 3/4 of the way to what I had last night, but it was far from manageable by OTCs.  N-side Hospital redid the ultrasound, confirmed that everything was normal (and now all the fetal tissue was expelled), and concluded, "Some ladies just get much worse pain than others."  They gave me an IV drip of some terribly serious painkiller I'd never met before, then discharged me with a scrip for my own Lorcet (instead of macking on Charlie's meds).  With serious drugs, the pain became manageable again, and I finally got to sleep 2-3 hours ago.

4 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-06-27 21:54 Subject: Update: I'll be ok. Security: Public

Thank you for your concern.  The hardest part was telling--acknowledging and accepting the reality.

Until about two hours ago.  Then it was much more pain than I have ever had before.  But it seems that the worst is over now.  At least, I could write you this.

I'll be back.

9 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link

Date: 2008-06-27 17:14 Subject: Wee paws.... Security: Public

• 09:47 Worst news: Miscarriage. Midwife /ob tech sz no heartbeat.:-(( #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link