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May. 16th, 2008 @ 11:03 am A Little Prog Rock for Friday

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

It’s been a serious week for us, so in case it’s been serious for you as well, let’s have some fun. And when I say “fun”, I mean “YouTube links to prog rock”. And when I say “prog rock”, I can only mean one band: YES.

I’m a fan of the band, but even I laugh at their spacey lyrics and 70s-tastic costuming. Here, take a gander at a performance of their song “Roundabout” from 1973.

Rick Wakeman’s wearing his sequined cape, Chris Squire has turquoise wings, and the lyrics! “In and around the lake / mountains come out of the sky / and they STAND THERE”! “The muses dance and sing / They make the children really ring”!

And this awesomeness goes on for over eight minutes.

Pick just about any Yes song and prepare to be bowled over by the lyrics. Don’t believe me? Here, try 1978’s “Don’t Kill the Whale”. It weighs in at barely over 3 minutes long, an aberration for a band better known for eight-to-thirty-minute epics.

“If time will allow / We will judge all who came / In the wake of our new age / to stand for the frail / DON’T KILL THE WHALE / dig it dig it”.

A good chunk of the fun is trying to chart the band’s lineup over thirty-five years. They had so many lineups and personnel changes that the allmusic biography page for the band is the longest I’ve ever seen.

This lineup, Anderson Squire, Howe, Wakeman, and Bruford, which actually only lasted for one year, from August of 1971 until August of 1972, is generally considered the best of all the Yes configurations, and the strongest incarnation of the band.

How can you not love a band whose best lineup lasted for less than a year? That’s less than 3% of the band’s life!

Speaking of that lineup, the apotheosis of the band wasn’t actually called Yes, it was called Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe. The bassist Chris Squire had the rights to the name Yes, so when the other four members of the “strongest incarnation of the band” got together in the late 1980s they couldn’t use the name. But they certainly could use the same approach to writing music and lyrics!

Every time I hear Jon Anderson plaintively wailing, “Nothing can come between us, you’re a sister of time” I smile, and wonder why the new Doctor Who didn’t use this as their theme song. Who wouldn’t want ten minutes worth of intro credits?

There’s more where that came from, and that’s ignoring their turn as a 1980s pop band.

And if that doesn’t brighten your Friday, then there’s no hope for you.

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May. 13th, 2008 @ 08:42 pm The Case of the Missing Marble

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Mumsy bought Eli Hungry, Hungry Hippos while she was visiting this last week because he said he wanted that game specifically. After I assembled it and played a couple of rounds with him, I took a break and Mumsy took my place.

“Is that all there is to this game?!?!” she asked after she played.

“Yep, that’s it. That’s four-year-old game play for you.”

A few days pass.

More hippos are hungry and are frenetically fed.

One afternoon Eli’s door is accidentally left open. Liza zips in and when Mom and I find her she is clutching hippo marbles in both hands. She takes one from her mouth and passes it happily to Mom.

We are one marble short from the full 20.

The next two hours are full of us dumping out every bucket in Eli’s room. Every item is picked up and shaken. Every container is opened and peered into. Every cover is shaken out. Eli is questioned and questioned again about the possible location of the missing marble.

I looked up object swallowing on the internet. I felt better after I read that once the object is down, if it’s down, then you should only worry if it’s pointed or acidic, like a battery.

Mumsy was frantically tossing Eli’s room like a burglar looking for jewelry. I took pity on her and called the doctor so she could hear that there was nothing to do for now but wait.

The next morning found us sifting through Liza’s diapers looking for the missing marble. Too bad I haven’t been able to provide as much attention to posting here lately as I’ve given to looking through Liza’s diaper for that marble.

Sometime after lunch the next day, Eli pulls out his scooper truck to play with. I hear his shout of discovery from three rooms away:

“Mumsy! I found the marble!!”

This is the part of the story where I hang my head in shame since tiny things have been “lost” in the scooper before and I forgot to check there when we were going over Eli’s room with the proverbial fine-tooth comb the day before.

For once the giant sigh of relief came from someone besides Stephen or me. Mumsy collapsed on the couch and declared it Happy Hour.

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May. 12th, 2008 @ 10:33 pm Traveling Today

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

And tomorrow, and the day after, and, in fact, yesterday, too, so instead of content, have a link to Michelle Sagara talking about how being a mother is like being a writer.

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May. 10th, 2008 @ 01:20 pm Today Liza is One

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Happy birthday, Liza!

Liza in her For Sale By Owner shirt

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May. 5th, 2008 @ 12:46 pm The View From the Top

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Before Eli was born, I looked at how much we were spending and how much Eli was likely to cost us. I then took a moment to breathe slowly and deeply into a paper bag while red numbers danced in my vision. It’s a natural reaction, and I always figured most parents-to-be experienced it regardless of how much they made.

It looks like I was right, if this post is any indication. The would-be parents are making $200,000 in Silicon Valley, and aren’t sure how to make ends meet. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the readers to determine how reasonable the poster’s proposed budget is. Note that he’s in the top 5 percent of US earners, views his monthly budget as “austere,” and has come up with similar budgets for living somewhere other than Silicon Valley.

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May. 2nd, 2008 @ 10:36 am Summer Scheduling

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Summer shouldn’t need a schedule. It should be days of waking up and deciding if we’re going to get motivated enough to go to the pool or just play in the water sprinkler in the yard.

It should not require a shared Google calendar to pull off. And yet for the second time in about three weeks, Stephen and I have had our wires so crossed that we didn’t know what we were doing.

So now our family has a giant Google calendar. Everyone has their own color and every event is now being meticulously added for the greater good. Greater good in this case is marital harmony.

May is full of family visits to celebrate Liza’s birthday. June is full of Eli’s camps. He’s taking swimming lessons for two weeks and then going to soccer camp for a week. July is shaping up to be our trip to Japan. August will bring the school schedule with it.

I’m already exhausted and school isn’t even out for summer yet. But better this schedule than the one from last year! This time last year I was beginning my two weeks of off and on labor before Liza’s birth. Let’s just say I’m looking forward to the 20 hours of flying to Japan way more than the 20+ hours of labor.

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Apr. 30th, 2008 @ 01:55 pm Misty Loses at Vomit Roulette Once Again

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

This morning as I was showering I was thinking of this website and feeling the pressure of not having made a post in a couple of days. I wondered what to write about and decided to see where the day would take me.

Eli had a dental checkup this morning and all went well except the dentist insists that Eli now give up his pacifier. He started to whinge about it before we even got to the car. I struck a deal with him. If he could do without the binky and the bulk of the moaning about the binky for a whole week, then next Wednesday we’d go to the Pizza Rat, a.k.a. Chuck E. Cheese’s, for lunch. He agreed to it and was unusually silent during the ride towards home. I asked him a couple of times what he was thinking and he said he was thinking about going to Chuck’s.

About 3 blocks from home he started coughing. I asked if he was ok and I passed him a napkin just in time for him to throw up all over the napkin, himself, the car seat and the backseat.

I don’t know if you missed the post from this weekend but I’ve already had my quota of vomit for a while. Also, Stephen and I struck a deal back four years ago when I was pregnant that he would deal with the vomit and I would deal with the blood. Yeah, so far that deal has not worked out in any shape or form.

I’d just like to let the universe, and you guys, in on a little secret: I hate vomit. I hate to do it myself, I hate to smell other people’s and I most especially hate to clean it up. Even more so when it’s to clean it out of the car seat, the crack of the backseat, and the seatbelt.

I suppose I should be thankful that I’ve had to deal with more vomit than blood but is it too much to ask to not have to deal with either one?

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Apr. 30th, 2008 @ 10:03 am I’m a Confirmed Dragon*Con Guest

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Hey, look at that. Time to finish my planned presentation on quantum computing, where by “finish” I mean “start”.

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Apr. 28th, 2008 @ 05:39 pm A Four Year Old Reviews Grand Theft Auto IV

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Long ago I reviewed a lot of video games for a dot com, which meant that I got a lot of free games. Even now, years later, I sometimes get free games.

So how could I not try out Grand Theft Auto 4? And how could I not see what Eli thought of it?

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Apr. 27th, 2008 @ 11:05 am Selling Parents Fear

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

In March, Lenore Skenazy let her nine-year old son ride home from Bloomingdale’s on the New York subway — by himself. Then she made the mistake of writing about it in the NY Sun.

As you can imagine, a lot of parents thought she was nuts. Her son could have been abducted! It wasn’t safe!

Being a parent means having sudden, unexpected moments of panic when your child drops a heavy weight on his head or stuffs undoubtedly poisonous plant leaves in her mouth. Really, it’s a wonder we don’t lock ourselves and our kids inside and never venture out, except then radon would kill us.

There are, of course, a bunch of products that play on those fears. You want to baby-proof your home, and looking at everything you could buy you might think it’s possible, but you can’t, short of removing all plants, books, sharp corners, and electricity. You can make your home reasonably safe, but true baby-proofing short of putting your kid in a giant hamster ball is unachievable.

Even once you’ve given up on making your child perfectly safe, how do you decide what’s reasonable? For instance, what about SafetyTats, temporary tattoos with your cell phone on them? The company’s very tag line is, “just in case.” At first I didn’t see the need for them — Eli is quite capable of telling sales clerks that he’s lost. But what if we were in an amusement park, where Eli or Liza could get very, very lost and it could be hard to track us down? What if I had a non-verbal or autistic child?

Overall I decide what’s reasonable to worry about by how likely it is to happen. That’s one reason why I don’t even worry about anyone abducting Eli or Liza. In 2004, The Today Show claimed that 58,000 children go missing each year. According to US Census data, there were 72 million children under the age of 18 in 2000. That works out to an abduction rate of 80 per 100,000 children. However, the 58,000 number covers all “non-family abductions”. There’s more to it than meets the eye, as the STATS.org report explained.

But in such cases, as the media rarely notes, 90 percent of “abductees” return home within 24 hours. The vast majority are teenagers running away with friends or romantic partners and over 99 percent are returned alive and uninjured. (Although many teen girls are involved with sexual activity during the time when they are “missing,” the statistics do not distinguish between voluntary and coerced sex because if the girl is under-age and the male is not, she is not considered capable of consent. The majority of the “missing children” covered by this statistic (65%) are female and 59% are aged 15-17.)

This time [in 2006], Today was more conservative in its estimate, claiming that only 5,000 children go missing each year. While this is an improvement over 58,000, the implication is still that there are 5,000 stereotypical kidnappings, in which a stranger or acquaintance abducts a child to hold for ransom or abuse and kill him or her. According to the Justice Department, there are only about 115 such incidents each year.

115 a year works out to be less than 1/5 of a child per 100,000 kids. For comparison, in 2003 the leading cause of death for children was unintentional injury, at a rate of 1,000 or more per 100,000 children, spiking to 15,000 per 100,000 for kids over the age of 15. More than half of those unintentional injury deaths come from moving vehicle accidents. Even if you accept the inflated rate of 80 abductions per 100,000 children, that rate is still beaten out by homicide, suicide, heart disease, and even the flu.

If I’m going to live my life, I only have so much time to worry and plan for contingencies. Given that, I think I’ll make sure Eli and Liza’s car seats are buckled in correctly and that they get their flu shots.

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Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 05:39 pm We’re Headed to ROFLCon

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

That’s right, there’s an entire convention about internet memes, and I’m going to be there this Friday on a lolcat panel talking about loltrek. An entire convention about Tron Guy and Leeroy Jenkins taking place at MIT, and I’m one of the invited guests!

You know, I used to do serious science and dream of giving an invited talk at a conference. This is just like that, only about pictures of cats with pasted-on captions written in Impact.

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Apr. 20th, 2008 @ 08:50 pm Blue Plate Cafe
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Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

A couple of weeks ago, Stephen and I hit the Blue Plate Cafe in Huntsville. We went with the specific intention of a review. It’s a pretty good place to eat if you dig the “meat and three” kind of lunch.

We went early because we’d heard it’s always busy. It’s a good thing because it was already hopping when we got there and they have a super tiny parking lot. Stephen parked the Fit in a median that is obviously not meant for cars and yet his roller skate fit there fine. We went in and were given a seating number that conveniently had the menu printed on the back.

And here’s where I tell you about my blond moment.

I was shocked that there were only three choices listed under each day of the week.

I told you it was a blond moment.

I wanted more choices! Where was the actual menu? Maybe these were only the specials listed here? But no, that was pretty much the menu minus the breakfast items, which weren’t being served at lunch. I read my list of three more carefully. I’m not a picky eater by any means but I still wanted the option of choosing something from a big menu. Then I calmed down and remembered the name. OK, I thought, this is part of the shtick, I get it now.

Stephen and I were chatting about our mornings, waiting to be seated, when a friend from church and one of his coworkers walked in. We talked with them until our number was called and we went to our table. When we got there it was a table for four so we invited the guys to sit with us and frankly, the company was the best part of the lunch.

I had chicken and dressing, corn cooked to mush — i.e. Southern style, mashed potatoes, corn bread and, in a turn that can only be Southern, bread pudding that counted as a vegetable. Stephen ordered pretty much the same plate as I did. Afterwards, I vowed to check with him the next time we go to eat, so that we can get different foods and can try more of what the restaurant has to offer. Matthew, you are totally going to have to give me some reviewer tips!

The food was hot and filling and not bad by any means. The service was ultra fast and the company was fun. Would I go there again? Meh. Ten years ago, I would have thought it was a fabulous restaurant. But now? I like vegetables to actually be a bit closer to their raw state, with a whole lot less boiling action. Stephen and I tend to eat spicier foods than we used to, so while the food wasn’t bad, it’s just not to my taste any more. But the atmosphere of an upscale diner was pleasant. The accidental company was the bright spot and for that, I don’t regret the lunch.

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Apr. 17th, 2008 @ 11:14 pm A Four Year Old Reviews You Have to Burn the Rope

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Some time ago I showed Eli the Flash game You Have to Burn the Rope. He immediately wanted to play it again.

At this point I estimate we’ve played it twenty times.

It got to where he would tell everyone who came to our house about the game. And that’s when I wondered, what would happen if I asked him to review it?

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Apr. 17th, 2008 @ 10:03 pm A Hike and A Picnic

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Wednesday, Wendy lured us on a small hike with a picnic in the middle and then a hike back.

Pause for a moment and think about:

    1) me on a hike
    2) with Eli the Whiny (when things aren’t going his way),
    3) Liza the Deaf Maker (when things aren’t going her way), and
    4) all of our stuff!

Wendy has no idea that I nearly called her 14 times before we left to say we weren’t coming. Well, I guess she knows now if she’s reading this post. But I got my act together and only forgot Liza’s hat and a spoon with which to feed her. Now you know why she is wearing her sweet potato stained hoodie in most of the photos.

We had a great time and Eli produced almost zero whine until we got in the car to go home when I made the mistake of telling him about ticks. Bad mom!

Eli showing off
Click the photo for more pictures from the hike.
Special thanks to Mike Self for helping make up captions for the photos.

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Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 08:27 am Eli Idol

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

It’s been a while since we’ve let you hear Eli singing. He sings all the time, making up songs about whatever is going on in his life, like eating breakfast and playing Zack and Wiki. In this case, he’s singing about friends.

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Apr. 15th, 2008 @ 08:25 am Happy US Tax Day!

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

April 15, 1955: The first McDonald’s franchise opens.
April 15, 1984: Tommy Cooper has a heart attack on live TV and dies.
April 15, 1865: Abraham Lincoln dies.
April 15, 1989: 96 Liverpool FC fans die in a crush of people exiting Hillsborough Stadium.
April 15, 1912: The RMS Titanic sinks.
April 15, 1941: The Luftwaffe’s Belfast Blitz kills one thousand people.

Enjoy the day!

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Apr. 12th, 2008 @ 03:48 pm Vidal Sassoon Should Sue

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Let me not indulge in false modesty. I have amazing hair.

A picture of Liza and her fabulous hair

I easily have the hair of a woman twice my age. People cannot keep their hands off of it. They tousle it. They pet it. They say, “Liza, you have such beautiful hair. How do you get it to be so full, so shiny, so full of bounce and life?”

Another picture of Liza and her fabulous hair.

Usually I smile and coo, never divulging my secrets. But you, internet, all of you are my true friends. For you, I will tell you.

Banana.

A picture of Liza with banana in her hair.

Chunks of banana rubbed into your hair twice daily will provide necessary nutrients, and impart a shine to it that can be had no other way. Let it sit, so that your split ends and over-processed strands can soak up what it needs to be beautiful. Before you leave the house, wash it out of your hair to avoid the amorous attention of fruit bats.

Liza with more banana in her hair.
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Apr. 11th, 2008 @ 02:26 pm Weather

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

We were just driving home from a friend’s house. I was looking at the clouds back toward where our subdivision is and I thought to myself that it looked like a “funnel cloud.” I’ve never seen a funnel cloud before but it looked exactly like how I’ve always heard them described. It was moving pretty fast and by the time we got to our neighborhood it was well beyond us. As I was turning in, I got a good look at the clouds behind us and sure enough there was another one. I tried to get into the house to get my camera but by the time I got the kids in and got the camera, it had moved on as well. As I was settling Eli into bed for a nap, the weather warning sirens went off. They were a little too late for my taste.

All this after I watched a video on a weather website this morning about how most people’s chances of seeing a tornado is under 4% for their whole lifetime and that’s if they live in places like Oklahoma and Kansas. It’s lower than 1% if you live in the Northwest or New England.

So now that I’ve seen two funnel clouds in one day, does that mean I’ve seen my weather for my lifetime?

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Apr. 11th, 2008 @ 07:57 am Look! An Article Written by Liza

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

In case you missed it, here’s Liza’s rather narrow perspective on life:
I Can’t Imagine Why Anybody Would Want To Stop Crying.

Ok, really it’s an Onion article, but this part sounds exactly like Liza:

Take my parents, for example. If it wasn’t for my tireless efforts, they’d sleep through the night! Can you believe it? I don’t think it’s because they’re too old—I suppose I don’t know how old they are exactly, but I can’t imagine it’s any more than, say, one. They’ve still got plenty of life in them. Yet they hardly ever cry, and when they do, it’s usually softly, in the middle of the night, and exhausted-sounding. What happened to their lust for life? Don’t they realize that every moment they waste sleeping, fiddling with the car seat, or holding picture books in front of my face is precious time they could be screaming their heads off?

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Apr. 5th, 2008 @ 10:14 am Welcome, Zachary Xavier Lanterman!

Originally published at Live Granades. Please leave any comments there.

Our friends Joyce and Aaron are, as of last night, the parents of a child whose name practically guarantees that he’ll have superpowers. Hi, ZXL. Welcome to the world.

We don’t have pictures of him yet, so here’s a stock photo of a baby.

An extreme closeup of a frightening baby

Update: real pictures!

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