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Jan. 4th, 2006 @ 05:43 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Beacuse of you (remix) -Kelly Clarkson
OhmyGod, I haven't updated in like years. I guess that is probably because my life really isn
t interesting enough for live journal. I go to work... yeah that's about it. I gave been trying to find the time to ride but it is so hard, it seems like I am working all the time. I did ride a couple weeks ago in the snow bareback. he was sooo naughty :D it was fun. I couldn't do much but walk and trot a little though cause it was deep and possibly slippery. You never know, and I can't reall afford a vet bill right now. I was really worried at first about him being out all winter and not getting grain but he is definantly handling it well. If anything he has gained weight, My fat little Bubba :) He isn't really all that little. he is at least 15.1 now and almost 4 years old ::sniff:: he is gonna be a hellion come spring. I can tell. I am hoping to get him to some shows this year. he did so well in the walk and trot last year, and his canter has definanlty improved ant least 90% to what it was. If I don't get to go to any shows at least he is an awesome trail horse. I just have to work on the water thing with him.
Well in other news, Travis and I are going to try and get our own place. It is really hard trying to find a place to reany where they let you have a dog because at least Brisco (Trav's "Wolf" dog lol) if not Snuggles are going to come with us. I hate having outside dogs and they have to stay outside here. We have been getting along alot better. I really miss home alot lately. I miss my mom, my friends, the old barn, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, and right now I am with my honey and I have a pretty good job so "Go Me I guess, I wish that it wasn't so hard being away from home though. I am thinking about going back to college. I think that it would probably be a good idea, I want a place where I can have my own barn and more horses and stuff, so yeah. Anyways I was soooo sick yesterday. omg I thought that I was dying! I couldnt even keep a SIP of water down. Travis had it on New Years Eve, so we sat on the couch all night and fell asleep like 15 minutes before the ball dropped! I WAS SOOOO PISSED!! lol I wanted to see it. oh well... there is always next year. c yall later
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Apr. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:28 am Hey! Im leaving an entry!
Current Mood: bouncy
Well looky here.. I am writing in my journal.. hehe. yippie. I have to go to work in like an hour ::sucky!! >:(:: but I thought that I might leave an entry before I went in. I start my normal college classes on Monday.. WOOHOO.... NOT!! I don't want to go back to schoool ::cries:: I want to be a kid forever and have fun! ok. yeah anyways, I am looking for a job at home because I am just not gonna make enough money working at the restuaunt. AT ALL! I can't wait to get home and ride Bubba. He is doing really really well. I can't wait untill our first show. I am excited. I am just gonna do walk trot but it will be cool. we really need to work on his canter. he is very unbalanced... but.. (ready for this) HE GETS BOTH LEADS!!! praise godand amen. it's a miracle... finally a horse who get's both leads naturally. yes Yes YES!! I am a little excited if you can't tell. Any ways I went out to Aunt Janie's house on Easter and saw Her newborn colt. He is bay and white and Gigantic! he is already munching on hay and he isn't even a week old! also I saw her 2 day old blood hound pups! the are sooooooo CUTE! there are 11... and the already have wrinkles!! lol I want one soooo bad. maybe someday. well I guess I am gonna get ready to go to work. I'll try and write more often. gee. for some reason I have been really busy.. wonder why.. >:P well I GOTSTA GO. TALK TO YALL LATA lol hehe
buhbye.
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Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 09:28 pm Hard Goodbyes, strange new faces, and alot of changes
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Velvet Revolver - Fall to Pieces
Well, I got the internet again so that means that I can update my journal once in a while, not like anyone but ashley reads it anyways. :) Anyhow ALOT has changed in my life from my last entry. The worst of these changes is that Grandma passed away in August. After I granduated, mom took Grandma down to Nebraska like she always did so that Grandma could see her sisters for a while. Well, one day while eating breakfast at the resturaunt I recieved a phone call from my histerical sister saying that Grandma was very sick and in the hospital in Nebraska. That same day we took of for Omaha and drove all night to see her. The doctors said that she hd fluid on her lungs and that they were going to treat her and everything was ok. so, we stayed with her for a night, then I had to come back for work, so I hopped a ride back to michigan with my brother in the semi. Well, not long after my return home, the doctors discovered that Grandma had lung cancer that could not be operated on. She was sent home for a day then put into the hospital in Grand Haven. Since we could not take care of her and inhome care is outrageously priced, Grandma was put in a nursing home, not my decision, but I wasn't in charge of the decision making. After almost 2 weeks it was clear that if left in this place, Grandma wouldn't last another week, even though we were all there everyday all day. So, while we were wondering what we were going to do, our situation seemingly hopeless, on of her sisters conviced 2 others as well as herself to send 3000 dollars so that we could bring Grandma home. Upon returning home Grandma immediatly perked up, giving me at least, false hope that she would pull through. Well, to keep it simple, we all stayed with grandma, all our time was spent with her, and it was worth it. Grandma saw my 18th birthday, even signed my birthday card, and not to long after, things started going back down hill. She started asking for my grandpa, who died when I was 3, she asked for her mom, her sisters, my nephew. Other times it would seems like she would for a moment snap back to reality and look at us and say something like "Can I tell you Bye?" Saying it was ok was one of the hardest things in the world. but mom said we had to so she could be in peace. and in the end, she was. My sister and I stayed with Grandma her last night. My mom, who had to be to work at 5:30, got up at 2 just to sit with her untill it was time to leave. we all knew it as coming. I remember that last night. she couldn't see, couldn't talk. I held her hand untill mom got up, when she would moan softly as if waking up from a bad dream, I would rub her hand and kiss her face and tell her everything was ok... that I was right there with her, and she would quiet and sleep. The next morning she was sleeping, she was just sleeping, she passed on at 11:00 or so in the morning, I was holding her hand while she took her last breath. I'll never forget it. I don't regret it, I am glad I was with her until the end. Seeing someone so special and dear to me deteriorate so horribly in a period of 2 1/2 months is something I would wish on none, but it taught me one thing, tell them you love them every chance you have, even if they laugh and say, you tell me all the time. You never know when they'll be taken away from you. I know you always hear people say that, but it really is true. My grandma's wedding ring and engagment ring have a permanent place on a chain around my neck. That way it seems like she is always with me some how. I love her and miss her everyday.
After grandma died going home was just to hard, so I wimped out and just quit going. It was so empty. I moved my horse to Sand Lake and moved in with Trav. It hasnt been easy. Working my butt off at the resturant trying to pay a car payment ( for a now recked car) a horse payment, and rent, but I'm trying. I got a new horse named Bubba. he is a big baby. I am looking for a new job. thinking about maybe going back home. Im not sure yet. well I've been writing entirely to long and if anyone finished this,,, good job.
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Mar. 20th, 2004 @ 09:25 am A Weighty Issue
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: November Rain - Guns N' Roses
Well, ok am piiiiiiiissed! I have gained 15 pounds this winter ... well more like the last month or so... I am fucking irrated as hell! I have been active...not watching what I eat as much but hell, I have 3 gym classes a day! I am so pissed.. I just want to cry.. I guess that it is time to go into dietmode overload!
Any how, on a les depressing subject, Aunt Janie is gonna take Dakota for a while and send me down one of her horses while she teaches my baby some basics on the ground and in the saddle. I really feel better about this than selling her. I don't feel like I am giving up now. I wonder what horse she is going to send me..I hopw that it is the bay, Iris. Thing are actully starting to get better, I am sooo excited.
I just got back from Trav's house a little while ago. He is sick, has a really bad ear ache. I always hate it when he doesn't feel good or is unhappy. We are getting married. Not right now. A few years down the road. 3-5 probably. I asked him if he thought some day we would. He said he knew some day we would. You just had to hear the conversation. I can't explain it. We tell each other we love each other all the time, but I love those times when he says it, and.. it's hard to explain.. there is almost like a heat to it. It's like there is so much truth, and so much meaning behind it.. I can just feel it. It makes me feel so good. I also love it when he curls up on the couch with me and wraps his ars around me and lays his head on my chest and I just stroke his hair or his face... it makes me feel so needed... to tell the truth, I think that he might need me as much as I need him. He seem like he is strong enough to be without me, but I know he would just not give a shit about anything if I left him. I'm sure he would start doing heavy drugs again and stay drunk about all the time, drive drunk, do reckless shit. But he doesn't do that anymore... like cocain... he stopped that because of me, cause it hurt me so bad when I saw him do it... he jokes about it to piss me off...but I know he doesn't do it.. it's so nice to know. I wonder why there are some people who just can't stay commited. I don't miss being single at all. The only thing that I miss is being so clseto my mom. We have grown apart a bit since I met Trav.. we stil love each other,, and talk,, but we don't do as much together.. I guess that it's part of growing up though. I think that what it comes down to is... I thrive on being in love. I love it. Travis is all that I want and all that I need as far as fulfilment and all that crap. yeah I need other things like me family and friends and zeppelin of corse :P but that wasn't what I was talking about.. DAMN IT! Why does shit seem to make sence in my head but not when it comes out. well I guess that I am gonna turn in for the night.
Hopefully I'll write more sooner than this time lol. g'night all.
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Mar. 2nd, 2004 @ 12:00 pm Time marches on, and on, and on....
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Meredith Brooks- Bitch
Well, I haven't written in a while... but typing on my computer is such a bitch. I learned some pat parelli shit last night and Dakota seems to respond really well to it... she is very sensitive... she is also such a baby. I really hope that I can sell her soon. I really really want that quarter horse that I went to look at. He was so awesome... did everything that I asked him to. I really really REALLY hope that I can sell her in time to buy this one. The lady really wants me to be the one to buy him. He was such a sweetie pie :) and I think that he could have alot of speed. He would be awesome for reining though. I think that if Harvey saw him... he would say go for it.
Man did it ever storm last night... thought that the barn was gonna fall over. Ember was freaking out... Dakota did pretty good though. Maybe she doesn't hate me after all. The Parelli lady said that I should go out and buy a rope halter... I don't know about all that. I don't think that all horses see us as predators... why would they run up to the fence to greet us or play with us like they do if they saw us that way.. I don't think it is true with all horses.. maybe some.. but not all. I kinda feel bad about selling my baby, but I am not gonna be happy until I have a horse that I can ride again.
I am going over to Trav's house this weekend. ::yeah :) :) :D ) I love himn soooooooo much. He said that his mom found a house she wants to buy (big one with indoor pool and hot tub yeah!) :) and he wants me to live there with him. lol. that would be sweet. can't leave my puppy behind though. I wuuuuuv them both soooooo much lol. but Zeppelin would probably die if I left him... hell, I might die if I left him lol. Travis and Rob brought home the Cutest puppy. It's a little girl and they named her .... SUNGGLES! The poor little thing.. Bernita calls her Snugbug so that is kinda cute lol .. the guys call her lugnutz.. I feel so sorry for teh little thing lol.. she prolly will have a complex from them lol.
Well I started my peroid late... you wanna see someone freak out... I was just joking around with Travis about it on Sunday telling him I was gonna be calling him up pretty soon telling him he was a daddy, then my period always ALWAYS starts on Sunday night,.. it didn't start until Monday morning... lol.
Well I guess that I am gonna get going. I'll try to write more for all you pathetic people who read this.. ;) well see ya.
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Jan. 29th, 2004 @ 08:00 am I have returned... at least for an entry or two.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Garth Brooks- Beaches of Cheyenne
Well, I decided that I would try to type on my computer. The only reason that I don't like it is because it tends to leave out letters and make me look like an idiot who doesn't know how to spell. ::looks around innocently:: lol. no really, I don't spell that bad. OOOOH Yeah.. there is that little trick it also likes to do where it shuts down right in the middle of my entry... Fucking Compaq.
I really must say that I was excited about getting my new classes... now I just want my old ones back lol. I like having Rossiter and I don't mind Gym but Outdoor ed is full of people that I don't get along with ('cept Erin, Amanda, and Leah ;)) and it is nuthing like last year. I miss the old class. it was so much fun. And also, Intro. to Dance is ful of a bunch of annoying Freshmen and Sophomores. I am not really one to bitch about younger kids but these ones have got to be the worst ever made. The giggle, squeal, and are reeeeeeally loud an obnoxious... think I spelled that right lol. anyways yeah, it kinda sux. Marketing on the other hand isn't really all that bad so far. We do absolutely nothing in that class, it is great.
I decided that I am not going to go to school tomarrow. I am just gonna take off to Travis' house. I guess that we are going to go snowmobileing... I know that I couldn't possiblel have spelled that right. Well anyways.. I am not thrilled about the snowmobile thing. I just keep thinking about Dawny. Guess that I should just lighten up a little bit huh?. well. I guess that I am gonna go. not like I have anything brilliant to say anyhow. catch ya later
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Jan. 13th, 2004 @ 10:38 am Fire Up! or get Fired...
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Juice Newton- Queen of Hearts
Well I got fired from Shiela's. I am not to worried. I have a job at Ginger's now. I didn't really get fired. She said that she has to many people working so I am "layed off until spring." she said that she would call me around the time that I got out of school... I am not sure weather I will go back or not. I have been battleing with the idea of quiting for a while anyways but I guess that I dont have to worry about it now. Yes! one less thing off my mind. I guess that I am going to pick Travis up tomarrow instead. doesn't bother me. the only exam that I have tomarrow is World religions so I don't have to be here until 9:25. YEAH! SLEEP IN! Then I get to leave as soon as I am done with the exam if mom writes me a note... she probably will... hopefully... it's not like I will be missing productive class time or anything, and I will not get an absence or anything... by the way after today they will all be made up! yeah! that is sweet. Travis called me last night. I think he was a little on the drunk side. I recived many professions of loveand.. other things lol.
Yesterday I did all the stalls out at Gingers. it wasn't really that bad... It only took me about 2 hours...maybe. including sweeping and sawdust. Not bad Sara, not bad. I also got Dakota out and worked on showmanship with her. She is good at it and has tons of potential. We are getting along a little better and that makes me happy. I think that maybe she is starting to trust me a little. This has been hard for me because Moomoo and I bonded quick. I sat and talked to her in her stall all the time when I couldn't ride her so... she was just a sweet natured horse. I hope that her new family is doing well with her. I know that they are treating her well because that is just the type of people that they seemed to be. Oh yeah! DAKOTA'S MANE IS STARTING TO LAY DOWN! I am so excited! She is actually starting to look like a normal horse. She got her tail wrap off so I just brushed it out and her tail is even un-curling a little. I am excited about that to. I didn't know what I was going to do about that. She has a really thick mane so I am going to have to pull and band it at some point I believe. The snow fell off the roof last night and she got a little scared and danced around a little but she settled down. I was so proud of her. It makes me laugh because everytime that she gets scared she reaches her nose out to me and shoves it at the same spot in my neck everytime. Ashley said that if she could she would probably jump in my arms. I believe it lol.
We aren't doing anything in this class. she just explained the exam to us. It doesn't sound all that hard but I am sure that it will be. I am trying like bad to get my exam review for government done. If I get that handed in it will raise my exam score almost a whole grade. I think it is worth it though. It is long as hell. I have been working on it for what seems like forever. Michelle is still obsessed with the idea that I am going to Washigton with her. Nope, sorry, don't think so. First of all I don't have the money, and second of all I have to work out at Ginger's double now and I have things that I need to do. I can't wait until scholl is done with... then again I am a little scared but it can't be that bad. I wish that I knew what I was gonna do after high school. I have one semester left to figure all this shit out... It kinda sux. I know that I have to go to college or do something, Travis dropped out so I am going to have ot if I want a future with him. I wonder what he is planning on doing. I have no doubt that whatever it is, he'll be awesome at it. When he sets his mind to something nothing can disuade him... believe me I know;) well yet again I have written a whooooole bunch, so I guess that I am going to get going. I wonder how I am going to update when I no longer have computer class...
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Jan. 9th, 2004 @ 09:55 am Almost Exams!
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Toby and Willie - Beer for my Horses
Well, this is the last day of the week... Woohoo! now we only have Monday and Tuesday and then I am done with Governmant, World Religions, and Business Tech II. yeah! the only class that I have nest semester that is not a gym class is Marketing... hope it isn't hard... I am such a slacker. I have co-op next semester to. YEAH! But I have to get up in time to come to 1st hour... that really sux. I kinda liked coming in at quarter to 9. oh well, guess that I am gonna have to get used to getting up early.
Man did I ever have some messed up dreams last night. I think that I might have been talking in my sleep... It was like one of those dreams where you know that it is a dream and you are on the edge of waking up but you keep on dreaming. Finally it really started to creep me out so I think that I might have forced my self to wake up... when I did my heart was pounding really fast and I was like freaking out... but I fell back asleep then had a really messed up dream about a dog that looked like Zepplin but it was really really old and it was just kinda spooky in a really really wierd fucked up way. What does it all mean? ... just kidding. I usually just leave my dreams alone unless they really really scare the shit out of me or something that could really happen happens in them. Most of my dreams are super wierd... I'll be doing something then all of the sudden something else completely with totally different people, but I am still the same person and still remember what was happening in the other dream. It is really wierd.
I think that Ashley and I are going to hang out today. I hope so. I like hanging out with her, it is fun. I really don't want to have to get up and go to work tomarrow. Well, I don't really mind working if I can't be with Travis but when I can and I have to work I hate it, like when he is over and I have to get up and go to work, then it sux. It also sux when it is really super freaking cold out... so it with probably suck tomarrow.
I talked to Travis last night and from the sound of things his day pretty much sucked. I guess that he spent all day working on the snowmobile then Ed ran it into a tree and Rob and Aaron blew up the motor in it... I would have been pretty pissed off. I felt really bad for him.I can't wait until next weekend. I think that he is gonna come over on Thursday because I don't think the I have to come to school on Friday for 5th and 6th hour exams and then he is gonna leave on Monday because we don't have school on Martin Luther King Jr. day. It will be sweet. then I don't work again untill after Valentines day so we can hang out alot. I wonder what we are gonna do on Valentines day. I am gonna have my own money then.. woohoo! :) thank you Ginger I love you :) I hope that we do something fun... but all I really want to do is something with him. I dopn't care what. I really love him so much ... I wish he was here... that would be awesome.
You know what I really can't figure out... why we get Martin Luther King day off but not Presidents day. Don't you think that our Presidents are as important as Martin Luther King... I do.. It seems a little bit racist to me.. God forbid I say that though... I am white so I might get into trouble. I am not racist by the way, things like that just kinda piss me off... if we are all going to be treated equally it should really be equally. anyways I don't care about that shit... It was just a thought. well I guess that I am going to get going. we are probably gonna have to do our gay presemtations pretty soon anyways. well ttyl.. hehe . byebye.
I
LOVE
Travis

Oh yeah I almost forgot... I got Dakota out yesterday and played with her with the huge green ball... she loves it... she would push it.. chase it... push it again... it was sooooo cute! Then when Shelby started playing with it she wouldn't peel her eyes away.. I think she was like HEY! THATS MINE! lol.. I also worked with her is some halter and showman ship. It is so much easier to do outside.. I can not wait until all the snow goes away... hopefully we will be ready for the shaggy show in april... and we can get a ride! well that is is for real.
Bye bye
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Jan. 8th, 2004 @ 10:09 am Good Morning world
Current Mood: indifferent
Ok, I woke up this morning, got ready... then went back to sleep. It was nice, but I didn't want to get back up when it was time to go to school. It is waaaay to cold out right now, but at least the wind isn't mad blowing like it was yesterday... Trav's mom just bought two Snowmobiles (spelling? :P) from Ryan for $1000, great awesome... perfect... makes me think of Dawny and the night she died. I really hope he is careful. He thinks that he is indestructable. well none of us are and I hope he realizes that before he does anything stupid. I am probably worrying for nothing but I keep remembering the look on mom's face when she came home and told me that Dawny was dead on Christmas eve from a snowmobile accident. I think that I just need to calm down. Travis is gonna come over next weekend. This weekend I have to work. yippie. not. at least it is some moneys. I went out to Krochecks barn last night with Ashley. They have some completely AWESOME paints out there. My brain kept thinking "I WANT I WANT I WANT!" They are selling their yearling becuase she doesn't have any color. It occured to me that Dakota would be exactly what they are looking for and it kinda made me laugh. that would be an awesome place for her, they show circut but I think it is pinto and she is registered APHA.
Mom and I got in this huge fight last night. She is bitching about my grades again. it sux having to hear about it all the time. I guess that I should do better. I know A's would be easier than shit but it is all so boreing. If school was a little interesting I wouldn't have such a problem and I wouldn't tune it all out or fall asleep... well, I might still fall asleep lol.
I miss Travis... couldn't go through a whole entry without saying it lol. We really need to see each other more. He is staying at his mom's now cause of the whole thing with his dad. I really wish that they wouldn't fight but when they are both drunk it is not a good situation and I get kinda worried.. even though Travis always wins. His dad has already tried to stab him, the reason that they had this last fight was because his dad got pissed so he went into the bedroom and got the gun and Travis heard him rack it so he went in a nailed him... not a good situation.
I really do not want to be here and I really wish that it was not winter. I hate winter. oh well. maybe I will go up0 to Trav's next weekend instead, he wants to take me for a ride on the evil snowmobiles... maybe I will, but I really don't feel like driving that much. The trip there is never really that bad... It's just coming back. Knowing that I have to be stuck here untill I can get away again.
Ashley and I might go see a movie tomarrow night. She said she wanted to go and see Lord Of The Rings 3... I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! lol that movie is waaaaaaaaaaaaay to long. not that it's not good. but I sat through it once and there is no way that I am gonna do it again so I am not sure what we are gonna see. Bernita took me, Travis, and Ed to see Stuck on you on Friday I think it was... it was alright, kinda funny... could have been better. Travis fell asleep through some of it lol.
Well I guess that I am gonna get going. I am gonna have to find something else to do in this class because I am done with my little project thing... well I asm going then
Byebye
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Jan. 7th, 2004 @ 10:48 am 3 minutes?
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Kid Rock- Rock and Roll
Wow, I only have 3 minutes left in this class so I guess that I am just gonna have to type fast. I just got here. I slept in and for the first time in a long time I actually feel well rested. Maybe I will be able to sleep tonight. I talked to Travis last night... I miss him. What else is new huh? Well yeah, blah blah not sure what I can say about it. I love him soooo much. anyone getting sick of hearing about it yet? oh well deal with it. gotta go bye.
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Jan. 6th, 2004 @ 08:55 am Hello to a new year
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Kid Rock - Cold and Empty
Well here it is 2004 and I haven't written since November. The first week of break I didn't so much but the whole second week I spent at Trav's house... and I got sicker than hell. He had to take care of me all week, it was sooo sweet. I was reeeaaally sick though. I thought that I was gonna die lol. Anyways I started feeling better about Friday... and I had to leave Sunday. Jason was there from the time that I got there until Thursday. that pretty much sucked but at least I was with Travis. I miss him so much right now. It is really hard to go and be with him for a whole week then com home and be alone. I am not gonna see him this weekend but hopefully next weekend I will. It's so hard. I can't wait until we can be together. I decided that I was going to keep Dakota/Lizzy. I don't know what to call her. There is to much that we can learn from each other and I am not gonna give up. besides.. she is n awesome horse and when she grows up she is gonna be worth all my time.
God I miss Travis sooooo much. He is gonna call me back in a little while. It iskilling me. I love him so much. He loves me to. I don't know when it happened but we know each other now. We are so familiar with each other... I think about when we first started dating and we told each ther we love each other... I don't think that we were then... but we are now...and I love it. I want to be wth him al the time. I just wish he was here to hold me, or let me hold him. I am PMSing right now so I will probably get less depressed in a few days... I hope. This is my last week of casses before exams, then I will have 3 gym classes in the morning. YES! it is gonna be sooo nice. I am gonna have outdoor ed. again. I don't think that the people will be as cool as last year. I am gonna miss Heather and Ashley, Erin, Nick, Jeremy, Derek, Jon, everyone! ohwell, maybe it will be alright. I kinda wanna take hunters safety again, and do the whole horse thing again. Plus, Rossiter is a pretty awesome teacher. well I guess that I am gonna get going.
buhbye
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Nov. 10th, 2003 @ 01:51 am head over heels
Ok, so I had so much fun with Travis this weekend. I could feel how much he loves me... it is soooo cool. It is the most awesome feeling in the world. I just don't really know what to say about it. It is soooooo great. God I love him sooooo much. It is alway so horrible when I have to come home... I cried all the way home. He called 2 before I even got here cause he was worried about me. lol. I was scared of itting a deer myself, plus my car is gay, it is being repaired right now hopefully,,, hopefully I get a new one. I won't get to see Travis this week end, he is going hunting. I love to see him all dressed up in his camo coat and all... just the thought of him sitting up there siting in his gun makes me want him lol... yea I am wierd.. there is just something about him with a gun that gives me shivers (good ones!) although I could never kill a deer. So yeah hopefully he gets ine and I wll get to see him sooon cause I miss him soooo much. I put in an application at Vic's. hopefully I get the job so I can quit Sheila's and get a new car! lol. I am not yet sure what to do about Dakota... why is life so cnfusing... well I guess I am gonna get going I ;ll write soon.
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Nov. 5th, 2003 @ 09:53 am hummdedumm
Current Mood: amused
Yeah so I just got here 3rd hour. I got rebellious and skiped my 1st hour. thought about taking off to Travis's house but I am pretty sure that wouldn't have gone over very well... especially since I didn't come home last time I was there. know what I am sick of, Everyone treating me like this little kid that they have to teach and take care of. Michelle does it, Heather kind of does it, Rich treats me like a little kid all the time,I am more grown up then half of them... when the hell are they gonna notice? probably never. oh well. almost the weekend... yeah! 2 more days and I go to Trav's! I am gonna call that lady tonight about that horse and go to Cathy's today to see if she want's to give me 1500 for Dakota, I'll loose 100 but O well. well I guess that I better be an audience or whatever bye.
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Nov. 4th, 2003 @ 10:13 am By the way
Current Mood: loved
I keep forgetting about my little emotion thingys so here is the one for my last entry :)
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Nov. 4th, 2003 @ 09:52 am awake.. barely
Wow, I just slept through the 4th Christianity video in my World Religions Class. I think I might fail this test. I have slept through all four of them. hope I wasn't snoring or talking in my sleep. I was dreaming really hard though I remember that it was about Travis or somthing and I was getting ready to trun over and go back to sleep when I realized that I wasn't in my bed and I was in class. Noone was looking at me funny though so I guess I am safe. My neck is sore as hell though because of the angle that I was sleeping on.
Well, I decided that I am gonna sell Dakota. I want a horse that I can just get on and ride. She is gonna be an awesome horse,,, I just don't feel like taking the time to rain her and all that... yeah, maybe I am lazy, but it is my senior year and I want a horse that I can just get on and have fun with. I found one actually. A big black quarter horse gelding. Four years old so he is still a baby but at least can ride him . I miss having a horse that I can ride. I don't mind the training thing, as long as I can ride. I called the lady about him and she said that she shows pain circut... hmmm now the wheels in my mind are turning. maybe she would want to trade? as long as she would bring him down her because they are all the way up in the U.P. .
So yeah, Travis and I had this big long talk... I feel better I think. I toldhim how I felt about him and how much I really love him and he told me how he felt about me. He doesn't love me like he loved April(or like I love him) but He does love me. just in a different way. No less, Maybe more. He said he has really started loving me alot more recently. I could tell. He says that he has been thinking alot lately about being with me forever. That rocks :) anyways I told him how I felt, exactly how much I loved him. I think I touched his heart alittle... He was pretty choked up. He loves me alot. that is something that I am sure of now. he told me exactly when he knew that he loved me.Or that he would love me which Ironically was the same moment that I knew that I would love him. That party... and it's all because of Jason that that happened... how odd is that. I am going over there this weekend. It will be fun. He said that he is madley in love with me... and he was serious. Life is getting better and better for once. He was so truthful in everything that he told me...I know that he loves me. It is so hard to explain how I feel exactly. How much I love him, How happy it makes me to know that he loves me to... yeah it feels good. Well I guess that I am gonna keep going. I will try to keep up dates on the horse and Travis front for the none of you who actually read this journal. well gotta go . see ya
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Sep. 29th, 2003 @ 09:58 am Missing an Old Friend
Ok, Moomoo left Friday. They came to pick her up and it all happened alot quicker than I expected. She loaded right up.; I was so proud. I didn't cry as much as I though that I would, but I was still heart broken... I still am. I am not sure if it has suken in quite yet. Lizzy, my new baby got there about 10 or 15 minutes right after moomoo left. She really is a sweety. She is 1 1/2 years and she is gorgeous. She is kind of a lot like Moomoo. She loves peppermint treats. I'll write more later.
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Sep. 17th, 2003 @ 10:50 am Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes
Ok. woah. My life is crumbling. It is about to change in a major way... I am selling Moomoo. I am about to cry already. I am getting a grey appendix mare for 650 or 800. she needs alot of work but I am gonna train her and sell her for a whole lot more lol. God I am gonna miss Moomoo. It is gonna be so hard. Ginger told me that selling your first horse is the hardest thing that you are ever going to have to do... I sure believe her. Life is not an easy thing. I have sure been feeling that lately. I am goingto go ride buck tomarrow so I might get him instead... I don't really know what I want so I am gonna try it and if it doesn't feel right.. or if it does.. I'll know I guess. I am gonna see if mom will let me buy Jesse James if I do get this grey mare. Jesse James is Jimmy's full brother... and I fell in love with him the first time he turned and looked at me. well gtg
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Sep. 10th, 2003 @ 09:57 am I AWAKE ALREADY!
Ok, it is now 3rd hour, and I am now awake. I say this because I have once again, slept through my whole 2nd hour class... that can't be good for my grade. Oh well... At least we weren't taking a test today. We were only reading. I actually have all my work done in this class for once and I think that I am ready to take the test... isn't that amazing.
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Sep. 9th, 2003 @ 10:15 am I'm Lonely and I'm Blue.. I need you to Come and Rescue Me!!!
Current Mood: sleepy
I am once again back in school. I had a horrible morning. I don't know why this year is so hard. My classes aren't that hard. It's just not the same I guess. I now know why everyone says that your senior year is your hardest... you have to fight the urge to slack off or even just quit like I thought about doing MANY times.. but I won't because there are to many people that I would let down if I did. I don't even know whay I want to do after high school. MooMoo beat Joanne last night. Then they took off racing each other and we couldn't stop them. I got a little nervouse when we started getting close to the busy road so I finally got her turned which cut off Joanne as well... wow it was a good thing to. I was pulling back with all that I had... I have never felt out of control on my horse before... it was different and not to scary because I knew what to do but I like being in control better. Alot better. I called Travis this morning just to tell him I loved him. He said he loved me to and he PROMISED to call me tonight.. we'll see. He promised last night but didn't. I am not worried.. he is a guy. well. yeah I am not really sure what I should write. I took some benedryl before school for my allergies and now my brain is all cloudy and I am about to fall right to sleep so I am gonna go. buhbye
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Sep. 8th, 2003 @ 09:57 am ahh!
Oh my God! Why is my life so confusing? I can't even stand to be here anymore. I hate this school! Oh well. I guess that I have to deal with it. My dad told me I could move in with him and go to WhiteHall but screw that! What good would it do? I went and saw y counsler today and got this little independant study packet so maybe I can do that and drop my 1st hour. I think that it might be good for me, but I don't know quite yet. Anything to get me out of this hell hole! God I hate it here. nto just the school, the town to...well whatever, I guess that there isn't really much that I can do about it is there? ... No.. I'll answer my own question. There is not shit that I cna do about it. Well computer calss is almost over so I guess that I will finish this little journal thingy when I get home or a little later or somthing.
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