I previously posted about my workplace's bomb threat policy, and now it's time to talk about what we should do in the event of a blizzard. This is taken verbatim from the 25 page packet we were given on every possible disaster imaginable. My sarcastic interjections are encased in parentheses.
1.) If indoors:
a.) Stay calm and await instructions from the designated official (Oh dear! It's begun to snow! Perhaps I should leave work and go home before it gets too bad outside so I'm not trapped in the building, living like an animal with co-workers who don't know enough to remember to eat and drink - more on that later.)
b.) Stay indoors! (Well ... no crap! If you've missed the leaving early escape plan and have to stay somewhere, why not stay in the building you're already in, instead of going outside and sitting in the snow to wait for rescue. Hello? Survival instincts? Stay inside and live off the vending machines if necessary.)
c.) If there is no heat:
* Close off unneeded rooms or areas (Duh! Anyone who has ever had to pay an expensive heating bill knows this old trick!)
* Stuff towels or rags in cracks under doors. (With my impressive rag collection that I keep under my desk for just such a purpose! Are we supposed to start tearing scraps out of our petticoats like a Civil War era southern belle-turned-army-nurse? A previous fire safety section specifically preached against the wisdom of maintaining a rag collection, anyway. I personally keep all of my oily rags in the garage. Doesn't everybody?)
* Cover windows at night. (So no rescuers can see you trapped up there, screaming for help. Kind of like freaked out parrots at the pet store. Cover the cage and they're suddenly fine again. "Oh, it's dark again! I must be back in the rainforest and it's night!")
d.) Eat and drink. Food provides the body with energy and heat.
Fluids prevent dehydration. (Seriously? We should remember to eat and drink? Food provides energy? Water prevents dehydration? Who would have known? The Cure for dehydration was right here, all along and we never saw it!)
e.) Wear layers of loose-fitting, lightweight, warm clothing, if available. (Um ... wouldn't I be wearing whatever potluck ensemble I wore to work? And, if I had known there would be a blizzard, I probably wouldn't have come in anyway. And, I don't generally keep a lot of spare clohting items in the office. *see "illegal rag collection" above.)
2.) If outdoors:
a.) Find a dry shelter. Cover all exposed parts of the body. (If outdoors .... get indoors, moron! Where could you possibly be on IU campus where you couldn't find a building to be in? There are a lot of buildings, and if it's a matter of life or death, bust out a window or something.)
b.) If stranded in a vehicle:
*Stay in the car or truck (Instead of sitting in the snow, waiting to die.)
* Run motor about ten minutes each hour. Open the window a
little for fresh air. Make sure exhaust pipe is not blocked. (So you don't die.)
* Make yourself visible to rescuers. (You know, make a flag out of available materials ... wait, you're not supposed to maintain a rag collection for flag making in your car either. Spontaneous combustion could ensue. Go MacGuyver and build a flare using spare parts from the seatbelts, radio, and a pocket lighter.)
* Exercise to keep blood circulating and to keep warm. (If you're cold ... move around to get warm. That one's been around as long as people have, I'm pretty sure. It's an instinct, not something you should have to have instructions for.)
Hopefully, this was as entertaining to read with commentary as it was for us to read at work without commentary. We're all still getting over the fact that whether there is a blizzard or not, people should eat food and fight dehydration with water. Dehydration kills, people. Water is the cure. (and, wouldn't you think that during a blizzard, there would be plenty of emergency water? Stick your hand out and catch some snow. Eat it.)






