| Back by popular demand |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|10:05 pm] |
My six week sabbatical is over. Things are different now, in that I'm now employed. Without getting into too much detail, I applied for a position that, on paper, I might not be qualified for. But with a little (more like a lot) of luck, I managed to get an interview for the position. Now, I knew going into it that I could knock the interview out of the park. Why you ask? Because I'm just dumb enough to think I can do a whole lot of things short of running a 4.4 40 yard dash.
In the same vein as making a free throw, I imagined myself being successful with the interview. I kept thinking it was going to be parallel to Joel Goodson being accepted at Princeton in "Risky Business."
"Princeton could use a guy like Joel."
--Princeton Admissions officer
Well I was hoping I'd hear something similar to this. Lucky me, I did. This means I might be able to parlay this job into a better paying one when I'm done with school. Hopefully one that pays well enough for me to buy (1) a Rolex watch (gotta show off to everyone how rich and important I am with a name brand status symbol)and; (2) some Ds for the Honda. Finally, I need to outfit myself better. As much as I enjoy wearing New Balance's and Old Navy polos, I want to wear something that looks good, as in a ridiculous suit. Mens' Warehouse will have to do for now, until I can upgrade to Nordstroms. |
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| Talkin' bout my generation |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|01:35 pm] |
Is anyone surprised here? It really shook my foundation after reading this article. Could it be true, that in fact, we are all not winners in the end? That other people do matter?
I like stuff like this. It really rattles the cages of people (see: born 1980-1989) who don't want to believe they really are that bad. As a self-loathing, misanthropic 80's baby myself, I have news for you people: You are truly that bad. I don't like the movie 'Fight Club' all that much, but every once in a while I wish they'd play Tyler Durden's monologue when the guys are working on the house:
"You are not special. You are not a unique snowflake..." You know the rest. |
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| Do I have to? |
[Feb. 24th, 2007|01:10 pm] |
Once upon a time, I saw Michael Ian Black perform his stand-up routine. He had this really funny bit about the evolution of pizza - how it has gone from slaving over making all the ingredients 150 years ago to the f***ing genius who invented toaster pizza. As if ordering a pizza over the phone or sticking it in the oven was such an arduous task. I laughed out loud.
We now have the literary equivalent in this book. On one hand, I can completely see the purpose of this book. Who the hell wants to read 'The Old Man and the Sea' when they can simply skim it, as this author suggests, talk about what a depressed lush Hemingway was, and finally comment on how it changed 20th century writing because it was 'experimental.' (Readers Note: If you don't already know, 'experimental' is the over-broad adjective I attribute to people giving lip-service to something they probably don't know much about, but like to act like they do). It sure as hell beats reading it and forming a more established opinion. Then again, I thought this is why books-on-tape were invented. And Cliffs Notes.
Switching gears, I would nominate this guy to solve all of our world's problems, if he were living. Sheer, comic brilliance. |
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| Black History Month |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|11:07 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Built to Spill - Carry the Zero | ] |
I've been too consumed with Black History Month in order to update this thing. Let's see if I can get you up to speed:
1) I still don't have a job;
2) I still hate school;
3) The Colts won the Super Bowl, making Tom Brady aka Newest Papa unhappy;
4) I began watching NASCAR more intently; and
5) It has been brought to my attention that Christian Slater talks a lot like Jack Nicholson (at least in Gleaming the Cube).
I actually sat down and watched a good deal of the Daytona 500 this past Sunday; furthermore, I enjoyed it. Football is over and NASCAR is pretty masculine.
I forgot to mention I also won a poster at an auction I attended. Well, I won numerous posters but the only reason I bid on them was for the 'Soul Train' poster. It'll spruce up the study dungeon.
I think I need to be careful about what I say in here as well. I've never held a job where it took more than 20 minutes to apply or where my personal responsibility was substantial. There is some beauty in being insignificant, knowing you can go on your merry way if anything happens. I mean, if you do well - you're golden; if you mess up - whatever. You don't matter anyway. It might be that attitude that keep guys working at video stores when they're 31. It makes sense, so I can't really knock it.
It has warmed up here recently and I'm getting excited for 1) playing basketball at the park near by again and 2) golf. It's sport I think I would be willing to invest in for the future.
I won't waste time talking about Valentine's Day here either. Those who know me can probably accurately guess where I stand on the matter. I also don't need to add to my misogynist persona. So if you celebrated it, I hope you had a great time. |
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| Man bites dog |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|08:36 pm] |
I just finished reading a story about this gem of a human being.
This story isn't that sensational in the sense that it's about something you've never heard of before, but is rather repulsive on many different levels. Not only is this guy a monster, he looks like one too. I wouldn't let this guy pick up the dog shit off my front yard.
At the risk of sounding like an insensitive jerk, I must say this is my favorite portion of the story:
"Schwartzmiller acted as his own attorney during his October trial, telling the jury that he was innocent and maligned by a society that doesn't accept men who love boys."
Sorry dude, but pederasty fell out of favor during the Roman Empire. Blasted Christianity! Some of us where born in the wrong neighborhood (i.e. me not in the 'hood) and others in the wrong millennium (i.e. Schwartzmiller in the 20th Century). |
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| Shot in the back by the cops |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|12:56 pm] |
This blog entry has nothing to do with the title. I just thought it sounded cool. In this day in age, there are entire websites devoted to online tests. It's refreshing to know that if I were a Sex and the City character, I'd be Samantha. The test said so! I'm afraid to take the "Which Laguna Beach Girl Are You?" because I couldn't stand it if I wound up being Alex M.
With that said, I have a new test to propose. I'd title it "Which Unbearably Annoying Behavior Do You Exhibit?" According to this article there are seven types: Hostile-Aggressives, Complainers, Silent and Unresponsives, Super-Agreeables, Know-It-All Experts, Negativists and Indecisives.
As evidenced by my blog, I'd probably fall in the "Negativist" category. Would you post such a test to your myspace page? Which unbearable behavior do you exhibit? |
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| Relativity |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|11:09 pm] |
I couldn't sleep last night, partially because of the heat in my room and the the imminent Divisional Playoff game between my Seahawks and the Bears. I could rant and rave about the game, but I won't. No one thought they should've won last week and would be blown out against the Bears; however that's why they play the game. They were one executed play away from setting up the game winning field goal and everything but a hanging chad prevented that opportunity from happening. If the last four minutes of regulation and overtime were a movie scene, it'd have to be the part from "Swingers" where Mikey calls the girl from the bar relentlessly, self-destructing in gut wrenching fashion. In sum, the Seahawks lost to a very beatable team and my parade got pissed on.
The 'glass is half empty' part of me has taken over and I find myself in the minority with this stance. Most Seahawk fans take the approach found on the fan message board with sentiments like:
"The game could of went anyway. I'm proud to be a Seahawk fan, and can't wait until next year. Be proud, supportive, and know it was a good fight." Were this Boys and Girls Club basketball for second graders, I might be able to identify.
Instead, I tend to align myself more with San Diego Charger fans (who admittedly, should have won and completely underachieved by losing to the Patriots at home today) in their approach:
"The San Diego Chargers are without question the most overrated team in decades. Possibly in the history of the NFL. How can players as lousy as Eric Parker and Marlon McCree even face themselves? It's all on them when A.J. fires Marty--he's not the one who made all the fumbles and dropped all those passes.
What a horrible horrible season. I wish we hadn't even made the playoffs."
That's more like it.
Now experts can argue over whether Tom Brady will turn a stone into bread or walk on water next weekend and we can pretend a Saints victory will magically rebuild a city still devastated. I can't wait. |
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| You did what? |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|01:00 pm] |
The first week back at school is awesome. Not because I care about Evidence or that I even like class (which I do not), but because partying takes a front seat to everything else. That's something I can live with for a month or two. Here's the rub though: mixing alcohol, young adults and uptight people can be a horrendous combination.
Generally speaking, I support most anti-social behavior in the name of having fun. I can identify with it, it's funny and it gets us beyond the "What classes are you taking/Where are you working this summer?" fodder that is such a bore. What with everyone so acutely aware of their actions and how others might perceive it whilst partying, you tend to get about 13% of how people really are or how they feel. Thus, I try and surround myself with like-minded people who can roll with it and have a good time.
I like to have a good time. I like to laugh with people. I like to do things to get a reaction out of people. Most importantly, I don't want to have to deal with "OMG dude you were so out of control last night" garbage. Unless I've punched you in the mouth or did something vile to your mother, I don't want to hear every nuance of the previous night and how ridiculous it was. Join me and laugh or leave all together. Or better yet, get over it.
It's the risk I run for being shameless and/or uninhibited in having a good time. But if people want to get their panties in a bunch over it....well then.....whatever. |
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| I'm back |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|09:37 pm] |
I thought not blogging would help me focus and get better grades. I was wrong. Instead it only threw off my game. My winter break consisted of sleeping, reading, and living on a rock star diet for a few days. I learned the value of a de-clawed squirrel and set a personal record by sleeping at six different family member's/friend's houses. I'm nomadic at times, which is pretty harsh on my gas tank and transitively my debit card.
For Christmas I received a couple kick ass sweaters and wore one of them on New Year's Eve. Today was my first day of classes. I'm afraid I may be playing with fire this semester and not because of the classes I'm taking. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I have my first class at 11 am. On Wednesdays my first class is at 2 pm. Most people will have more done before I wake up than I'll do the entire day. God bless higher education and the student loans that make this lifestyle entirely possible.
I (hopefully) dodged a bullet by getting out of a class called Payment Systems. I couldn't even explain to you what it's about, but could only foresee myself tearing my hair out over it. With school half over (for this year and forever), I've decided that the path of least resistance is calling my name, or at least one that does not involve the UCC if I can help it.
Finally, I need a summer job in a major way, preferably that pays. If you're reading this, there's a good chance I'll ask you for help in some way. Metaphorically speaking, I hope this doesn't turn into a frat party where I turn desperate after eight rejections. Here's to standards!! |
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| Whoa dude..... |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|03:38 pm] |
Thanksgiving break as ascended upon us and I for one am loving it. I started it off by going to trivia night only to finish in 3rd place. Being the second loser is no way to go through life son. Creative names disparaging Mel Gibson's long lost cousin Michael Richards were in abundance (e.g. "Kramer Loves Hip-Hop"; "Kramer's Lynch Mob" and the like).
This was promptly followed by my first viewing ever of the movie "Chasing Amy". As I described to an internet friend this morning, I am not especially pop-culturally sophisticated. That's word smithing for I don't know jack about cool movies or music til at least a year or two after its debut. Typically longer. I should have seen said movie five years ago. When you can watch a cult classic and say, "Holy s**t I've had that exact conversation before - right down to the emotionally draining sighs and moans." You'll all read my in-depth take on it when I finish my autobiography, sometime around 2013.
To top it off, I'm sitting here blogging in one of the top three indie coffee shops in this white bread town. I felt myself go a little numb when Kid A came on and could feel the bass from techno music beating in my chest. Tony Hawk anyone? |
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| Did he just say that? |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|01:37 pm] |
I read things that conform to my view. You do too. That's why I read the New York Times and the guy 50 miles in any direction of me watches Fox News. With that said, the New York Times in its attempt to be non-partisan came out with the most backhanded story, supporting what Senator Kerry said last week that got blown out of proportion by desperate conservative hacks with nothing else to latch on to.
Marines' Reaction to the News: 'Who's Rumsfeld?'
I nearly spit out my coffee when I read that headline. I wanted to say, "You know - that guy who helped orchestrate this war you're fighting? Didn't you learn that when you were becoming more educated, according to the Heritage Foundation, than the average civilian?"
Even though he blew it for the Democrats in '04 and I won't vote for him in the primary, I hope somewhere John Kerry is laughing his ass off. |
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| Call Oprah - ASAP |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|04:14 pm] |
I don't mean call Oprah to get her opinion on the election results today either. If I wanted a worthless celebrity opinion on politics, I'd go to my man Kanye. Outspoken, brash and speaks his mind freely as if there are no repercussions. I dig that.
What I'm referring to is the most devastating break up since Brad and Jenn. I really believe this deserves its own Oprah episode and see how many times women say, "I thought they were going to be the ones to make it!" This is one example of misery I really think she can capitalize on well. Luckily K-Fed, aka America's Most Hated, has a lucrative rap career ahead of himself. And he was smart enough to marry the richest, dumbest Southern Belle out there and make out with half her loot in the process. Gentlemen, you take notes.
In other news, it appears as though Jeff Spicoli took Hamilton's advice and got a job. Usually fast-food working slackers spit in the pigs' meal; however this is far cooler and takes bigger stones to pull off.
Yesterday I received my first email asking me to blog about something. I have to say I'm honored. A few more of those and my readers could do the job for me and I could just call this "The Mailbag." At any rate, The Replacements played last night and sacked the Raidahs an obscene number of times. After debacles against the Vikings and Chiefs, this game reminded me of when you play a pre-season Madden game against the Texans. Except this was reality and it was the Raidahs. You knew it was going to be an easy win and a cheap confidence booster. Like making out with the fat/low self-esteem girl when you're in a drought.
Pray for big things tonight! |
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| Fight the Power |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|07:47 pm] |
Most people rep something pretty hard. If you're the Game or Eazy E, it's the C-P-T. If you're from Enumclaw, it's Kasey Kane or Kenneth Pinyan (google it). For me, I now have a solid reason to rep my hometown, and it's not for Modest Mouse.
I'd like to thank the school district for cowering under pressure here to eliminate this person's job. Perhaps the President should reflect upon this incident by walking around his track and talking to God, like with waging wars, plotting catastrophic hurricane relief for people in destitute and the like. Kudos to the bus driver for stickin' it to the man. |
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| DTMTBD: 15th Anniversary |
[Oct. 27th, 2006|11:38 am] |
The movie deemed to be the last of the great 80's teen flicks is "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead" (though it came out in '91). I loved it as a kid but can appreciate its subtleties more now as a wise, mid-20's, self-proclaimed 80's teen flick connoisseur.
First observation: How in the hell did I miss every reference to dope when I watched this as an 8-9 year old? I guess the suburbs sheltered me from such social ills, until high school when a direct correlation arose between coolness and drug use.
Second observation: Kenny Crandle is the most underrated teen flick stoner of all-time. If Jeff Spicoli were Peyton Manning, Kenny Crandle would be his Marc Bulger. Sure, Manning gets all the press/hype/accolades, but Bulger quietly gets the job done better than most everyone else. I mean, the scene were Kenny and his friends are loading bowls and eating waffles in his room - cinematic genius. I'd like to note that I intentionally made that simile without pop-culture 80's icons for fear of being Simmonsesque. (Simmonseque: Sim.ons.eque - adjective. 1) Like or characteristic of the predictable, played out, cliched, and generally lame writing of Bill Simmons, Page 2 columnist for ESPN. 2) Superficially insightful commentary on any genre of music that a person has little to no idea about, yet likes to act as an expert on.)
In addition to said bedroom scene, another gem is at the beginning of the movie when he takes off with his friends to party and his mom is about to depart to Australia for two months.
*Kenny sitting in the flatbed of a truck with friends, driving away from his house with his mother standing on the porch*
Friend: Dude, isn't your mom like leaving for months.
Kenny: Oh shit, you're right. BYE MOM!!! HAVE A BLAST!!!
Third observation: The scene where Walter, Kenny's younger brother, breaks his leg when he falls off the roof trying to fix the TV antenae. Kenny was supposed to be watching him so accidents like that didn't occur; however he was in his room smoking out with his buddies. What level of addiction is that?
Kenny Crandle, you break all social norms in such a comedic way. I commend you. |
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| Why I haven't updated this thing |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|10:22 pm] |
I write a journal every GD week for one of my classes. It is essentially a blog of what I do at work. And there's only so much of it that I can take after a while. I am ashamed to admit that I can now set my watch to what I do on any given day. Thursday at noon? You'll find me drinking coffee in the study cave. Sunday at 1? Watching the Seahawks, or as I call them now The Replacements, lose yet another starter to an injury courtesy of the Madden curse. Except for my astonishingly awesome beard, I have little to be happy about right now.
My fantasy football luck has finally ran out. My team makes me want to puke coat hangers. Curse you Lamont Jordan!!!! Fantasy Football is a microcosm of what makes me tick - winning is fun. I don't care what it is. Losing is not, hence, Jason Dray's miserable existence.
I now count down the days until the end of the semester. Not really, but I can't wait for it to be over. I'm dying for some decent Indian food and culture that can't be bought at Wal-Mart. Is that too much to ask? |
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| Thought provoking |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|09:29 pm] |
I would keep something like this in my head, only bringing it up with confidants who I thought could carry an insightful conversation on the matter, but I felt I had to blog it as well.
I'm the guy who feels like smashing things when I lose at Fantasy Football. I'm also the guy who ten minutes behind everything so I won't offer the first editorial on this topic, though I told myself last night I was going to blog about it today. It's about the Amish in the midst of their grieving, holding a funeral for the killer of three Amish children and the eight wounded, one of which subsequently died. At the risk of being over-dramatic, I hope I can be as good of a person one day as this collective group of people. Specifically, I hope we have leaders and law-makers like this one day. "Culture of Violence" is a vague term that many use to describe American culture, but in many regards it is true. I can't help but wonder how things might be different in our competitive, adversarial culture were we to take on the same forgiving attitude. I don't hug trees or sing kumbaya but found this whole incident moving. Someone should use this as an example to death penalty loving "Christians" as to how a real person of faith should act. And abortion is a different matter before you go there, but that's for a different shouting match.
Thus, we here at The No-Fact Zone would like to commend the Amish for setting an example for us hedonistic slobs. We'd also like to pour out a little liquor for Pluto. |
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| That's an episode! |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|05:52 pm] |
If you read by blog, you know I complain. The post from yesterday is a perfect example. I wish I had a crystal ball because the the news today comes a day late. The douche baggery will be put on the back burner now. Bungholes.
I like moderately fiery people. Intense when applicable. Willing to raise their voice to make a point. I can be like that so I like to see it in others (see: Artest, Ron). And it looks as if Bill Clinton has the stones to say what needed to be said. It gets good around the four minute mark. I'd also like to note that Fox News had this clip conveniently taken off of youtube. I love this stuff. |
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| Traveling |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|11:08 pm] |
I went back to the place I call home over the weekend and I flew. Some people love the drive, others hate it. Just call me others. The drive bores me to tears, makes my arse sweat, and I get tired of listening to radio stations in Spanish. The flight allows me to eat peanuts and fall asleep; however in this new age of suckiness you can't bring anything on a plane Macguyver could make an explosive out of. I can barely scramble eggs let alone a bomb.
I'm going through security and I get pulled to the side. Some guy who looks like he failed the Rent-A-Cop final exam tells me I can't bring my shaving cream with me. I figure, yeah whatever keep the stuff. But my contact solution? If racial profiling were allowed (formally), there's no way I would've lost any of this stuff. But it's been written in the "No gel" airport policy that the rule must be enforced with as much douche baggery as possible. I let them keep that the toiletries, but not the cologne. It's my savior on most any morning I roll out of bed late.
Overall, I'd give the trip an eight out of ten. I went to a wedding (free vino rosa!), listened to a guy spin Smells Like Teen Spirit on the turntables, contemplated the mystery of "forever" (as in how long you're supposed to stay married for) and pulled off a clean sweep in football (Huskies, Seahawks, Fantasy).
After you get married (assuming you're older than 21, which you should be if you're getting married), what do you look forward to next? |
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| Letter |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|07:20 pm] |
Dear Joey Galloway and Chris Simms,
I want to personally thank you for single-handedly ruining the opening weekend of fantasy football for me. There's no better feeling than looking at the "Joey Galloway" field of my team roster and seeing "0.00" there listed. It warms my heart that I start you, only to leave me playing the opposing team a man short. You guys are great! Thanks!
love,
me
Someone please stab me in the eye with a rusty nail. The problem with drafting a guy you think is reliable (see: top five point producer for all WRs in fantasy football last year) is that when they keel over and die for a game, they summarily dismiss any chance you have of winning. Hence, I went 0-3 this weekend. This is a fuck.
I would normally make a post regarding the tragedy that happened on American soil five years ago today. Actually, no I wouldn't. I can't tell you anything you don't already know. I'll leave the overkill to the wolves aka the media. You can be respectful about something like this without overdoing it. It's been overdone. |
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| Guess who's back |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|08:43 pm] |
So I've been feeling overwhelmed with my work load so far. I think I'm too the point now where I've reached a groove and have settled into a routine. Here are some other observations I've arrived at by the end of Week 2:
-It has been said that writing Trusts/Wills is the bread and butter of any attorney. As in, any yokel who managed to graduate from law school AND pass the bar can author one of these documents. Ironically enough, it has turned out to be one of, if not the, toughest classes I'm taking.
-Things like marriage and adoption have more to do with the Bible than equity or any semblance of logic.
-Legal Research and Writing once a week is significantly better than twice. It's like the difference between sleeping in until 8 am, as opposed to 7 am. That hour makes all the difference in the world.
Shifting gears, the dynamics of Myspace continue to intrigue me. If you're a dude, unless you're going to be CEO of Boeing or work in the clergy, you have no reason to have a private myspace account. Creepy girls do not leer at you online, send you friend requests at an alarming rate and generally harass you. You're not that special. Open up your heart and account for all of us to see.
I've been bombarded with what I think of the new season of Laguna Beach as well. I give it a 4 out of 10. It's like the producers realized what was popular in moderation, then proceeded to saturate the entire show with it. I can only stand watching catty women fight for a few minutes at a time. You need to switch it up. And if you are going to have a show primarily consisting of malicious trash talking, at least have hot(ter) girls do it.
Fantasy Football is sacred and holy as usual. I can't say I'm terribly happy with any of my teams this year, as I did not produce an epic draft like I did last year. I have two notable gambles in Roy Williams and Ronnie Brown. I'm either going to look like a genius or schlep based on those picks. With my Fantasy Football track record, I'm going with genius.
I'm allowed to be self-aggrandizing sometimes. Learn it, know it, live it. |
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