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Saturday, April 2nd, 2005

Subject: My Medical Condition Entry Time: 2:15 pm. Mood: good. Music: 'Go Back' by Eddie Money.

INTRO: This is my entry about how I am doing medically. I will always update it, so it will be on top. I will still be adding entries to my LiveJournal, however, so refer to the entries below this one to check for new stuff. And if this entry looks unchanged, but the date of the entry HAS changed, I DID actually update parts of it.. Since you're reading this, I would like to thank you for your concern, which you must have since you are at this site. Rather than update my journal each time I learn new information, I plan to just edit this entry each time and keep things simple. So refer here for the latest. Feel free to contact me as well at 781-632-2035. If you just wish to keep updated, read the entry below. Also, to everyone who adds a comment, I do read them so thank you very much for them. I don't respond to them because it's hard enough to keep up with email and updating this entry as it is haha. Also, the reason for this journal is to keep the "how are you doing?"-emails to a minimum. If everyone who read this journal emailed me with "how are you doing?" or something like that, I would spend all my time just responding to everyone, which gets really tough and tiring. So I hope the information here is enough to keep my emails to a minimum. If there is a specific reason you need to email me, that's fine, otherwise, there is no reason to email me "how is it going" etc to show you care.. I know you care :-) thank you. WHAT IS IT?: I developed a cancer growth in my upper right leg. It slowed its growth and became a contained tumor until its removal in August 2003. It is called a Rhabdo-Myo Sarcoma. HISTORY PART I: After training hard for National Championships for swimming I figured that the extreme training gave me a pull in my leg. I thought that the bump was just a blood clot or something caused by a pull. Icing it was not helping, so I went to see Dr. Polanski who examined my MRI and said that I should have it checked out because it could be serious (he didn't want to say the word 'cancerous' I think.. since we all sort of knew anyway). I went to my doctor in Rhode Island who had previously worked on my abnormal hips, but since he is not a cancer specialist, he and my mother thought to send me to Washington D.C. to see specialists who work with my type of tumors regularly. We came back to Boston after checking out future options in Washington D.C. to continue with my treatment: I have had X-Rays and Bone Scans to make sure that no cancer cells were in my bones. I have had CaT scans to make sure that there were no cancer cells in my organs such as the lungs. I have had MRIs to examine the tumor in greater depth in order to locate the tumor's position exactly. I have had blood work done for many reasons such as to check my white and red blood cell counts and levels. I have blood taken as often as I change my socks basically. I have had some sort of "gram" done.. an Angieogram or something. This was done in order to look closely at my veins and arteries for trouble. I have had many biopsies (one needle-biopsy, and a few open-biopsies), which is an extraction of the tumor, in tissue-form, for direct handling and direct testing so that the doctors can figure out exactly what drugs will most effectively destroy my tumor for chemotherapy. This is determined down to even DNA-level of precision. In the first surgery, I had a bone marrow sample taken so that the doctors could be absolutely sure that there were no cancer cells in the bone.. since the scans aren't always 100% accurate. They also put a catheter ("porta-cath") in me. This is a tube that is inserted directly into an out-ventricle in my heart and appears at the surface of my skin on my chest for easy access. This makes future blood-drawings and injections of chemotherapy almost painless and much easier. It is placed in the heart so that as soon as the chemicals go into me, they are shot out through the rest of my body so that any cancerous cells in any part of my body will get hit with chemicals. With the port under the skin, I was luckily able to swim. The only problem with it was that it was sort of awkward to have something like this always in you. For the second surgery, we traveled to Washington D.C. There, the only surgeon who told us that he would be able to remove the tumor without cutting off my leg, completed the surgery with much success. He took out the tumor, and told us that the pre-surgery scans were misleading for most of the surgeons on the east coast; the surgery was much easier than expected and he was very happy we decided to go with him and risk surgery and keep my leg attached. I then had Radiation. Radiation was mostly a pain because I had to go into Boston every day for it. The only bad effects radiation had, was my leg swelled and burned for the last two weeks of radiation and for two weeks after I had finished the radiation. Worse was I wasn't able to swim because the radiation would burn my leg more if exposed to the chemicals in a pool. Radiation involved much precision. They made tattoo marks in a grid-like formation along the area they needed to treat and even formed a plaster-like mold around my body. With the mold, every time I got on the table under the machine, I jumped into the mold and was always in the exact position that I needed to be in. Everything then went pretty well for a few months after radiation. I was able to enjoy the holidays around my chemo sessions that were remaining. But then, with only two chemo sessions left, I got an infection. The infection was in my leg and required me to be in an air-tight room in Boston. It was actually pretty neat because the ceiling was equip with lights that faded through all types of funky colors, making the room rather like a dance club. I also got my own computer hooked up to the internet with a plasma, flat, wide-screen. Along with this I also had my own PlayStation2, TV and VCR. The room was so sterile that it was semi-pressurized and dust-free. The blinds for the window for instance were behind glass and controlled electronically in order to keep dust from being a problem. Anyway, the doctors in Boston, having not done my surgery in the first place, were not comfortable with operating on me to remove the infection. So, we flew right out to Washington D.C. so that my surgeon there could do the surgery. At first they put us in what I like to call the Gun-Shot-Section. I was put in a room with someone else, however, the room was only built for one. Basically, there was minus-space. All I had was my bed, a curtain divider, and a TV on the ceiling. My mom slept in a folding chair next to me.. that's all that fit around the bed. When they finally moved me, they couldn't even fit the wheel chair in the room, so it was quite an adventure. Anyway, I had surgery immediately and they put a suction tube in my leg to drain it after. I had two more surgeries after that in order to clean the area of the infection. They also took out my port in fear that that was part of the infectious problem! The instead put in a special IV line in my arm that is like a normal IV, except it was put in so that it can stay in and last as long as I need it to. It stayed in until the summer. I should add that without my mother I could have died and no one would have known for a while; The nurses never came when I pressed the button, and they checked on me about every six hours. It was a bit ridiculous. The "night"-nurse, didn't understand the fact that she was a "NIGHT"-nurse. If she came into the room to do anything.. she would turn on ALL the lights. The nurses cared for me like I was a dog in a pound. If you want to hear ALL the stories, call me up and I'll tell you all about it. Then it all changed when I moved to my new private room. It wasn't like the room in Boston, but it worked just fine. And in this new wing where the room was located, were great nurses.. thank God. After all this I headed home to finish my last two chemo treatments. The trouble is I went home with a hole in my leg.. literally: You could see my muscles, veins, tissue and everything. It was gross because I had to change the bandage and look at it twice a day. As for chemo. I had my last one in the middle of March. Eventually, the doctors in Washington D.C. called me back to finish the job. I was in the hospital for two weeks, during which, I had a skin graph taken from my left leg (the good one) and placed onto my right leg. The left leg was very sore and burned. It looked like they used a meat-slicer from a deli to take a slab of skin from it for the right leg. CURRENTLY (PART/YEAR II): I was all ready to go to Columbia this summer when on the night 20th of July I felt severe pain in my chest. On the 22nd I had an X-ray taken and the doctors discovered that I had cancer in my lung this time. Immediately my parents and I took action. We spent the weekend for my birthday in Maine and then returned to Massachusetts on the following Monday to start everything all over again. They put a port in my chest again, did X-rays, CT Scans, bone marrow samples, PET scans, and bone scans. My bones are still clear but there is a spot in my left lung. I started immediately on the best chemo cycle they have out now for this (we checked with Mayo Clinic, Washington DC, New York, Michigan, Texas and Boston). The chemo is a only a 2-hour long hospital stay per day. This was nicer because I never need to say in a hospital bed for this one. But it went on for 10 (12) days. So every day for 10 (12) days I go into the hospital for 2 hours to get my chemo. The "12" is because the actual cycle is 5 days of chemo, then 2 days off, then 5 days of chemo again, then a week and a half off.. and that's one cycle. Then I do that again and again. The only trouble is that this chemo gave me a constant upset stomach and the nausea was pretty constant through the weeks as well. For my 2 days off in between the 5-day chemo treatments of my first cycle I had a surgery done. Dr. Sugarbaker of BWH went into my lung to get a biopsy of the tumor and to investigate it more closely. He found that it was so involved with the lung that the whole lung plus some ribs would have to be removed. He also found through some scans that my tumor in my leg was coming back. There were little tumors that appeared on the scan. We all decided a long time ago that if it ever came back in the leg, we would have it removed. And that was the decision. This is because, the first time around a tumor is supposed to be the easiest to fight, and we fought it with every chemo they offer and with the highest radiation dosage offered and with one of the best sarcoma surgeons in the world who removed all of it during surgery. After all that, it still came back. So in October I spent the entire month in the hospital for my lung surgery. It went better than they had thought it would and the surgeon got 99.9% of the tumor he said. Also only half of my lung had to be removed instead. I had 3 IVs in my arms, 1 IV in my artery in an arm, 1 triple IV in my neck, an epidural, a tube up my nose down my throat into my stomach, a tube in my nose for oxygen, 3 tubes in my chest to drain the lung, a tube in my mouth and down my throat into my lung that was hooked up to a machine to breathe for me, and a tube.. well.. down there. Yeah, that's how I woke up from surgery. It was awful. A few weeks later, I had my right leg amputated. I am home now adjusting to getting around on one leg. It is not a normal amputation.. I have no stump.. my leg was amputated all the way up to the hip. It is called a hip dis-articulation. Anyway, I will be fine eventually. But for now sleeping is the most difficult. I find comfort only on my back, so when my back starts to ache, I'm in trouble because all other positions hurt after mere minutes. So the nights aren't that great, and because of that I have to go to bed earlier and stay in bed until noon or so in order to get enough sleep. This should get better I hope. The only other problem with having one leg, is I need crutches to get around so I can't carry anything. So if I want to bring a drink with me into the basement, I would need someone else to do it for me and follow me into the basement. This is going to be the hardest to get used to since I'm a nut about organizing things and cleaning up things and moving things etc etc. Yes I plan to wear a backpack to help me out with this, but it will still difficult and different to get used to. As of a few days ago scans showed a small mass in my abdomen. It also showed a few small lumps in my lung. For these lumps I did a three weeks of a taxatier drug which didn't do anything for my lung so then we moved on to my first oral chemo: Gleevec. The Gleevec didn't work either so I had surgery and got rid of the tumor in my stomach area. I was in the hospital for two and a half weeks due to a kidney complication. Now I'm on a new chemo for the remaining lumps in my lung. I have to spend one day a week getting chemo for four weeks. It's a mix of taxol and another drug that is new but I forget it's name. I had a fever and was in the hospital for the first week, but it didn't delay anything. Now I'm in the hospital getting chemo. There was fluid collecting around my heart, taxing my heart significantly. They removed the fluid by doing surgery and inserting a "window" in the wall outside my heart that will let the fluid drain out into my body where there it will be absorbed better. The surgery seems to have worked because when they give me fluid for chemo, the fluid has shown not to build around the heart. So anyway, I've been in the hospital for almost all of March and this time I got chemo, had a few heart attacks of some measure that were really scary and now I'm doing chemo again. After this round of chemo over the next couple of days, I will finally be heading home with a repaired and healthy heart and two rounds of chemo under my belt. As for the tumor, it seems that the tumor is at least STOPPED by this chemo treatment so that is why we are continuing with it. We hope that given enough time it will start to reverse and shrink as well. I should be home by Thursday the 7th. WHAT DOES MY FUTURE LOOK LIKE?: My admission to Columbia University has been held for a two years. I graduated from Lynnfield High School and took a year off from school in order to heal and fight the tumor in my leg. They said that it would be too tough to try to go to college while fighting this, especially Columbia Engineering. Not only is Columbia tough.. but like at every school, Engineering students take a more rigorous course load, so it's best that I take a year off first and join the class of 2008 rather than the class of 2007. I instead took it easy, recovering, while taking 2 courses at B.U. in order to keep my mind in shape and also to get some transfer credits for Columbia. For the first semester I took Calculus I for 3 hours every Monday night at B.U. For the second semester I took Calculus II for 1.5 hours every Monday and Wednesday. I got an A- in Calculus I and an an A in Calculus II. After the cancer appeared in my lung I was once again told that I should take another year off from school. So I deferred for a second year at Columbia. Columbia won't allow me to transfer any more credits than my two Calculus classes so this year during my year off I thought I would do something more enjoyable than more Calculus since the credits won't count. This year I will be taking music theory courses at The New England Conservatory of Music while taking lessons for violin. These classes would be for me since they aren't going to count at Columbia. Now I am in the class of 2009 instead of the class of 2008 and will hopefully be going to Columbia in the fall of 2005.

Comments: Read 71 or Add Your Own.

Subject: Great Night At Fenway Time: 12:51 am. Mood: shocked. Music: 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond.

So I got VIP tickets to tonight's Red Sox game against the Angels. Listen to this.. At 4:30pm we were walked onto the field to watch batting practice, standing right off home plate. Johnny Damon came by and signed my baseball and took a picture with Mike Marra and I (this picture will be in my photo album on Yahoo within the next couple days)!!! We also got a photo in Galleries number 1 and number 2 on redsox.com. To see these pictures go to "www.redsox.com/fanfoto" and select the galleries for the game of Wednesday September 1st 2004 (Galleries 1 and 2). Then at 6:45pm Meredith Greeno (my cousin), Dan Bagley (her boyfriend), Mike Marra and I went back to our seats. These seats were NEXT to first base. They were the ones that people like Ben Affleck normally sit in. We were three rows back from the grass and my right arm was leaning against the Red Sox dugout! We got amazing pictures all night and the Sox won 12-7 so it was insane. All the pictures will be posted sometime this week so don't sweat. But that was not all.. Last and best of all, there were celebrities sitting all around us. Next to us was a group of four pro golfers (I will figure out who exactly they were for you soon). Behind us was Stephen King. And best of all.. Jimmy Fallon of Saturday Night Live came and sat two rows in front of us during the middle of the game. We asked for his picture and he GOT UP AND WALKED BACK TO US FOR IT!!! JUST FOR US ONLY!!! HE TOOK NO OTHER PICTURES THAT NIGHT!!! He was the coolest and loved taking it with us. He pushed through the security who was telling us no!!! That picture as well will also be posted eventually. Also, fyi, we just asked once to him.. I wouldn't have pestered him and we didn't. We just asked him once and he got right up like nothing for us!!! So that's that.. that was my night.. it was one of the best nights ever and other than this synopsis of what happened I have no more comments.. because there just are no words for an experience like this one.

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Subject: Orlando Time: 8:39 pm. Mood: crazy. Music: 'Leaving On A Jet Plane' by Chantel Kreviazuk.

One week until Ricky, Colin, Mike and I head to Orlando Florida. Sweet! It was such a good idea to do that. You need something to kick off the summer and get you back into the swing of things with your old friends from the town you left in college. I mean, you can't leave all your college friends to come home to nothing and no one. As for the people not going to Florida, particularly Reid (Lavoie), Erich, Brad and Beth (the 4 who have mentioned a get-together to me so far), we also have to definately get together this summer. When I get back from the trip I hope to see you guys too. Get this, my cousin that Colin went to the Snowball with a few years ago has her own house in VT all to herself and has invited me and all my friends up. So that would be sweet. Beth, Brad, Colin, Nicolette, Erich, Reid, and whoever else: we could all go up! Hmmm, well we'll figure it out later when I get back from my trip. Anyway, that's it really, tell me what you think about doing something. And if you want to know what my everyday life has been like, just refer to Beth's entry haha.

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Subject: And Yes... Time: 11:17 pm. Mood: nervous. Music: 'Both Sides Of The Story' by Phil Collins.

...that IS Phil Collins as my new profile picture. The SAAB logo was getting kinda old. Plus Phil is on tour and sold out Madison Square Garden in just a few days. Of course even though I was unable to get tickets, I'll be there to see if I can get day-of-concert/rush tickets or scalp 'em.. can't miss this concert.. just can't haha.

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Subject: You College People.. I Need Your Help.. Time: 10:13 pm. Mood: worried. Music: 'Sultans Of Swing' by Dire Straits.

I now close this entry to further discussion because I had to make my final decision yesterday. But thank you to all those who helped me out. More entries later.. -----Original Post As Follows----- "Finally I have to make those decisions most of you have already made about one year ago from this moment that I type this entry. One of those decisions is giving me a hard time however. Since you all have lived at college for at least a full year now I thought I could get some help: My troubles are with dorm assignments. I have three choices and I must rank which is my first choice, which is my second, and which is my third. So I ask that, for any reason (which you may give me in your comment or not, whichever you wish), you suggest to me the order in which I should rank the following three dorm room situation for my freshman year at college: A) CARMEN: 100% of inhabitants are freshman. All doubles along a hallway. One bathroom per two doubles. Newest building. B) JOHN J: 100% of inhabitants are freshman. All singles along a hallway. Two giant bathroom (one for each gender) on each floor. C) FERNALD: 60% of inhabitants are freshman. All single-clusters (5 singles surround a mini-common room for each of the 3 clusters of this type on the floor). One bathroom per cluster sometimes, and other times two giant bathroom (one for each gender again) on each floor. Keep in mind that I value the living situation over the bathroom situation, but I included that information anyway. Well, thanks for your help, and sorry this entry was boring and really strictly business, but I'm not in the mood to be silly. Maybe later narf."

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Subject: So Much To Do, So Little Time Time: 1:31 pm. Mood: anxious. Music: 'Somebody' by Bryan Adams.

I haven't updated with a real journal entry in a long time. I have so much to do in the next two months before summer and with that have so much to say. So, be on the look out for more entries now that the "Medical" entry is finally finished. It's time to get back into the swing of things.

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Subject: Quizzes, here they are: Time: 10:43 am. Mood: impressed. Music: 'Heaven' by Live.

Which OS are You? NICE! A Quiz for computer nerds like myself! Who were you in a past life? by Kat007 Name: Birthdate: Favorite Color: Country: You were most probably: Pirate Captain Blackbeard If not then you were: A great but unheard of poet Created with quill18's MemeGen! The one above was ok, but nothing too impressive because I merely changed the format or my Birthday (07/24/03 to 7/24/03 to 7/24/2003 etc) and the results changed. For one I got that I was the actual Dracula, Vlad, from Romania in a past life. That was pretty cool. You're Most Like The Season Autumn. You're warm, and the most approachable. You have that gentle prescence about you. People can relate to you, and find you easy company. However, it's likely you've been hurt in the past and it has left you scarred so things can become rather chilly with you at times. Being the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy and loyal to your friends but prone to negative thinking. Well done, you're the shy and sensitive season :) Which Season Are You? That quiz works out. I looked at the other three season descriptions and once again my result fits me most of all of the results. Then again, with only four outcomes, the odds are pretty good that I'd end up with the one that fits me. Haha, that's funny because I just said that previous sentence because I felt like it, and yet the above predicted, "..but prone to negative thinking." Ah well. Anyway, my few best friends know me well enough to see how some of the other 'unfitting' sentences above do actually fit me. (Got this quiz on my own thank you very much) Red, Green and Blue: To you, the world is logical. Everything happens for a reason, life is scientific. You like to find solutions. I doubt you needed to take this quiz in order to realize this. What color do you see the world in? Well, I think that quiz certainly was done right. I checked the other possible results for this quiz and found no other results as fitting for me, which is kinda neat. (Got this quiz from Bethany) What Finding Nemo Character are You? Cool. I must admit I got Nemo first. But Bethany got Nemo so I tried the quiz again and put more thought into it thinking what would be more 'me' and then I got Gill. And Gill works for me pretty well too I'd say. Also, if you haven't seen Finding Nemo yet you should.. great movie. (Got this quiz from Bethany too) What Color is Your Heart? Sweet! My heart is ALIVE! Thank God! Cause you know, I was afraid for a second that I wouldn't be able to take any more quizes IF MY HEART WEREN'T BEATING! Anyway, aw, how sweet, a Red Heart.. bah, it's really not that interesting of a result though.. I basically just got the "good result" and not necessarily a very fitting one. These next few are good though.. (Got this quiz from Beth) Kiss On The Lips: You're sweet and simple but quite daring. You move for the kill confidently knowing the other person wants the same thing. What Sign of Affection Are You? I don't even need to add a comment to that one.. it basically says it all hehe, but again, this is a quiz where many results seem to fit. It's all in good fun. (Got this quiz from Bethany also) What movie Do you Belong in? Ok, so the Lion King has a slightly strange description for me, but the movie itself is not so far off, since it's one of my favorites. My sign is the Leo the lion anyway? Hmmm, I haven't seen it in a while.. I think it's time to rent Lion King again. Ok, again not a perfect fit, but this next one definitely was perfect.. (Forgot where this quiz came from) free enneagram test Wow, that's like the most amazing thing I've ever taken. The picture above gives a quick (and completely fitting) description of who I am.. but you should see the in depth description of a Type 1 at the actual site. There is a whole page describing the Type 1 person.. and I don't think more than a few words doesn't describe who I am.. good AND bad. Again, wow. Plus, I looked at the other types of personalities that I could have had as a result, and only one other could have possibly been fitting for me. (Got this quiz from Bethany as well.. she does alot of quizzes so I just steal 'em haha)

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Subject: Topsfield Fair Time: 2:27 am. Mood: good. Music: 'Back In The High Life Again' by Steve Winwood.

Tonight I went to the Topsfield Fair with Bethany. It was really a great time despite what everyone says about fairs. The biggest pumpkin was 1,114 pounds. That's pretty good.. but I still think they get it from an alien that delivers it every year. There is no way a pumpkin on earth could get that large. Maybe that's not how they get the pumpkin, but I have a feeling it's not any regular way you get 1,000 pound pumpkins to fairs. The midway games were lame as usual. If you hit the target with the dart you win a finger puppet. If you keep paying you can trade your finger puppet in for a toungue depressor, etc, etc, until you've played enough to trade for the biggest stuffed animal which cost you 9 darts at 3 darts for $5. Of course that $15-animal costs them less than a dollar to make. Oh well. Anyway, I ended up racing a remote controlled car around a track at one stand. That was fun and worth it. Then at closing, we played ski-ball and the lady was nice enough to give me an extra play and I ended up winning a big animal with it. The animal cost me $5. Not too bad really for the midway. One man shouted out to us as we passed, "hey, you want to play and get ripped off.. hey, at least I'm honest". As for rides, Bethany and I went on almost everything. There was only one ride I really wanted to go on that she didn't. I tried to convince her to try it but the ride was just a little much I guess. The ride of course, was the Zipper. Sweet ride, I would recommend it to everyone. Anyway, that's all I didn't go on that I wanted to go on.. so it was cool really. Of course I wanted to try the zipper but for all Bethany DID do I really can't complain, most girls wouldn't even go on what she did. Someday I'll just have to go on the zipper with Colin or Ricky or someone. Sometimes you can't replace good friends, hers or mine. Of course, that said, you can't replace a good relationship either. After the fair we decided we wanted to see a scary movie. We saw Ghost Ship. It was good in my opinion. I really am not a big fan of scary movies, especially ones that are all the same. I'm referring to the ones where there are 5 teens in the woods or in a house or in a neighborhood and each of them gets killed one by one until the last person figures out a way to save him/herself. Ghost Ship was great because there was a story to how the ship became abandon, and it wasn't just a simple flick. It was great to be thrilled while thinking about the movie as the main characters board the adrift ship and figure out the mystery of what had happened to it. It was a well-worth-it rental I would say. For the first time I actually did some. In the parking lot of the Topsfield Fair, there were areas where cars really can't get through due to mud. I got stuck in one of those areas while looking for a parking space. Right now my car is sitting in my driveway with the entire sides and all tires caked in dry mud (aka, dirt). I will wash it later at a place that does the under-carriage as well as the top and sides of the car. I just thought I would mention this little event because even though the car is completely a mess, and even though I have OCD about the cleanliness of my car, I actually think it looks really cool. It looks like I was rallying or something. And it was really fun struggling through the mud in the Topsfield Fair parking lot.

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Subject: My AP English Poem Time: 12:21 pm. Mood: amused. Music: 'Inside Out' by VonRay.

Here I sit, in silent glitter I'm not a poet, I am a bull shitter Some people are, some are not Depends on how much hot air you've got So here I write, with no thought in mind Something worth writing about, I'd like to find Soon something will come, something worth writing about And I'll screw up big time, in getting all the words out With time and patience, a poet can write and rhyme While others feel, better things can be done with our time At least poets know, that fewer words-per-message is better Since poetry's a waste, unless it fits in a Hallmark letter Say the rest with your voice, though it's far from profound My message is only understood, when you say it aloud: Poetry is like beans, and gives me much gas So I'm definitely leaving now, since this poem--

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Subject: Car Talk Time: 11:44 am. Mood: exhausted. Music: get it?.. exhaust?.. that's pathetic isn't it?.

Mr. D said that when you own a car, no matter how long you plan to keep it, you always look at what car you "would get next".. if your current baby finally croaks on you. I don't know if anyone out there is into cars, but if anyone is, then this could get good. Anyway, there are no rules to your selection other than a price-range.. here they are: 1. "Dream Car" (money is no obstacle) 2. "I Hit It Big" car ($70,000 or less) 3. "Impressive" car ($40,000 car or less) 4. "A P.O.S. I'm Proud Of" (under $10,000) My Selections: 1. "Porsche 911 GT2" (Twin-Turbo, Flat-6, 550hp, 6-spd, 2-dr, $who cares) 2. "BMW M5" (Naturally Aspired, Inline-6, 450hp, 6-spd, 4-dr, $?) 3. "Subaru Impreza WRX Sti" (Turbo, Flat-4, 300hp, 6-spd, 4-dr, ~$30,000) 4. "SAAB 900 Turbo SPG" of course (Turbo, Inline-4, 200hp, 5-spd, 2-dr, ~$7,000) Now choose wisely..

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Subject: CONCERT: New Found Glory & Good Charlotte Time: 10:40 am. Mood: crazy. Music: 'Waldorf Worldwide' by GC & 'My Friend's Over You' by NFG.

Went to the NFG & GC concert last night with Less Than Jake opening for them. It was a good 1.5 hour drive there, due to traffic, and then a 1 hour drive home. I'm happy that we added Meg to the group at the last minute. She's always fun to have around and I didn't know Bethany's other two friends all that well, so it was good this way. This was more Bethany's concert and she really enjoyed it. We both will like James Taylor, the Boston concert is just a get together that will be fun, and Bruce Springsteen is really more my concert. So she definitely had fun. I felt a little bad because she belonged on the floor. I tried to get in but they threw me out. I was able to get closer seats but that wasn't good enough so I returned to everyone back in the balcony and we just stayed there for the concert. Who jumps to the music in the balcony seats anyway?.. Bethany. A few others around us swayed a bit and clapped and stuff.. but she was insane as usual haha. On that: right before we left, her parents go "Reid, no mosh-pitting for her." It was the funniest thing.. to hear Mrs. Flom say "no mosh-pitting". They had me swear that I would not let Bethany get crowd-surfed or anything haha. They were right to say that because if we had floor seats, I know it would have been all over haha. The balcony seats, however, were not that bad really because the Worcester Centrum is so contained that we heard the bands as well as anyone else could. And we saw them pretty well too. So we actually got a good show. As for the bands. There was clearly a hierarchy going on. Less Than Jake was clearly less than the other two bands. They were given a bad setup so that they wouldn't sound as good as the following two. But I still thought they were good, especially since they were Ska-like and used saxophone in each song really well. They had a trombone, drummer, and two guitars as well. Meg said that was Me, Hall, Joe and the two Donny's. Haha, that would rock.. and punk is so simple I think we could even pull it off. Anyway, Good Charlotte then followed. And then New Found Glory came out like they were The Beatles.. thinking they were like the inspiration for bands like Good Charlotte and the first original punk band. Okay, they were really fine about it, but Good Charlotte clearly looks up to New Found Glory and are humble about how they idolize NFG. And on the flip side, NFG clearly looks at Good Charlotte as their offspring or something. Although NFG is more real-punk and Good Charlotte is more pop-punk, I think Good Charlotte stole the show last night. The two bands may not stay friends for long if Good Charlotte does better than NFG in the future. NFG tends to sound like just a bunch of noise sometimes, with a refrain that is indistinguishable from the verse. Good Charlotte is cleaner, and hits only certain beats hard rather than hitting every beat hard. A good musician knows that a forte is only as good as the piano that surrounds it. So regardless if they realize that or not, Good Charlotte has that effect. When NFG hits all 180 beats-per-minute with the same volume and no feeling or anything.. the song loses it's power. Basically, Good Charlotte made their whole CD(s) with NFG's few great songs in mind. 'Story So Far' and 'Sonny'.. are two NFG songs with power, distinction and a 'little something extra' that makes them catchy and worth humming later. Every Good Charlotte song is like that, whereas NFG songs get lost under the category of: "I don't know what song this is.. but it definitely sounds like it's punk.."

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Subject: Dream Entry 1 Time: 11:35 am. Mood: weird. Music: 'Big Yellow Taxi' by Counting Crows.

A few things before I start the long dream: DDR w/Colin rox0red. Dying to play again.. so much fun. Also, congrats to Drama who made it to top 15 at States and to Hayley Joden for her individual acting award. Also a pat on the back for myself who told Bethany she looked shabby in whatever that second dress was, but hot in the suit outfit.. cause I soon learned that the suit was Christine's and the other thing was actually her real clothes.. nuts. And despite common assumption, Meg is a virgin.. yeah.. we were all surprised so don't worry haha. Fire & Ice I definately recommend.. and there was probably more about this weekend, but I'm sure Brad will cover it so on to my dream.. Now for the one heck of a complex dream with many of you in it (One rule: "I" will refer to me, but "We" refers to whoever I am with at that moment. The thing is that I might not even know who these people are.. I just know they are there and they are probably some of you. Also, I DIDN'T know I was dreaming this time. It was real to me. And I had memories of a past life that doesn't exist as well.. weird huh? In the dream, I remembered and recalled events that didn't happen in even my real life.. but we can assume they happened in the life that I led in this dream): Ok I start off in a hotel room. We (first example of an ambiguous "we") are outside of the room on a balcony high above the city below. We are sitting at a table and apparently ordering food there. The table seats five, like at Bickford's the other night, except with chairs and not a booth (two on one side, two on the other, and one on one end). The dream takes place from my point of view and I'm sitting where Bethany was sitting at Bickford's the other night. I'm reading the menu which is simple, yet expensive. I sense there are two people across from me and I finally make out that Ricky is to my left, and Christine and Brad are across the table. Why? I don't know. The end of the table that is up against the balcony railing is to Ricky's left and Christine and Brad's right, while the end directly to my right is a chair currently empty. I ask what everyone is getting and we (all) talk about the high prices and someone (Meg.. who must have taken a seat in the empty chair by this point) decides to get a Strawberry smoothie and that's it. And then I find myself in a movie theater.. ..in the movie theater everyone is Chinese or something except the group of us (who again I don't know who "us" really is). The Chinese all shout that they hate Americans and kick us out of the theater, except for some reason Erich is allowed to stay.. they like him or something.. maybe he looks Chinese?!?! haha. He shrugs while looking at me as if he can't do anything about the fact that they won't let us in. But we aren't angry at him.. we figure we'll just see him later. The guards wore the pins that the people wore for the drama fest this weekend.. but they were Chinese people.. all of them haha. So after being kicked out, we turn around and walk out and we are in the lobby of the hotel, which I guess has a built-in movie-theater.. ..in the lobby, guess who I meet? Jesus. Though as a Deist I say I believe he was just a good guy and that's it.. in this dream I believed it was really him.. Jesus, and all that they say he is, and I would have believed it in real life I think, say this all really happened. He was wearing what they have his statue wear at church: white robe that holds on to only one shoulder leaving the other bear, and he was bearded and such. I was talking to him.. nicely like I would just talk to anyone and he said he needed to go somewhere and needed some help somehow. He never told me what help it was. But I followed him as he walked up these white stairs that were almost never ending and very very steep and narrow. He was really slow going up the stairs and we finally got to the top where he told me again that he needs my help. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and disappeared. Then I heard a kid badmouthing another kid in the room behind me. This kid was somehow the personification of evil and not just an average kid. He was my age btw and though evil, had no horns or red eyes like I normally get for evil in my dream. I went after him and had a good fight with the kid. I was winning but not by much.. he got a few good hits on me. So I got really mad and picked him up and threw him through the glass window to our right which looked out over the city below (stairs took us REALLY high up I guess). I looked out of this massive glass (and now broken) window to see that thousands of people below were all watching the fight since we had fought in front of this massive window. It must have been a big deal cause they were cheering too. I then went down those white stairs again.. but this time there was only three steps! They shortened. And somehow, those three brought me all the way down to the lobby again. I turned around after I got to the bottom and there were now never ending white stairs there once again. Now I was out of the lobby and on the street.. ..on the street there are no cars and it's night. A police car drives by, siren blaring. Then another. Then a fire engine. But the fire engine skids around and heads in my direction. I figured I should move, so I do. But then it adjusts its course to head toward me again.. now I have a mere second to think of what to do with a fire engine furiously coming at me at 60mph or so. I jump.. sky-high.. I guess I have some sort of new ability. I jumped over the truck and I land to see a 16-wheeler driving by (a slow speed in comparison to the fire engine.. like 20mph) with no one in it. I run 30mph or so to catch it and jump in it.. I'm driving it now. Then someone (probably the kid I threw who must have survived the fall since he is super-human or something) chokes me from behind by wrapping his arm around my neck in a sleeper-hold. He must have caught up to the 16 wheeler and climbed up to the cabin like in a movie. I grab him and throw him off. Suddenly the truck I'm driving is an open-cockpit tractor instead and I'm in a field.. ..in the field I stop the tractor and a bunch of really hot girls surround me in a circle formations on top of this tractor (which is massive as well since we use it as a fighting platform soon enough). Two are obviously the leaders of the group, one red haired and one black haired. I see all their faces except for one of the leaders' face that remains blurry. They are super-human also now I guess, like me. We fight. I defend myself, and can't bring myself to hit them this time. By "this time" I mean that somehow I know in the dream that we have fought before. They are like Colin's Anime super-girl characters from Final Fantasy or something and are wearing the same clothing btw. Eventually I can't take it anymore and they start winning. The redhead leader who I can see the face of (not anyone I actually know though.. weird) threw me off the tractor and kicked me while I was on the ground. When she thinks I've had enough, she and the other girls leave. Yes, I was beat up by girls laugh all you want, but how could I hit these girls anyway? The other leader, with black hair, is no longer laughing or mad at me, now that the other girls have gone. She just stands there for a bit. I get up. She puts her hands on the sides of my arms and examines me, if I'm ok and such. In some way the dream-me had had past fights with this girl as well.. past battles involving her. But then she hugged me and cried and said a bunch of moving things that I can't remember now. I guess she secretly loved me or something even though she was forced to fight and stuff. But then she runs off, mad that I didn't fully understand her attachment and such and also to catch up with the group of other girls who are getting suspicious of her absense. And then, I turn to see Ricky Colin and Meg. And Meg is still drinking her smoothie from the beginning of the dream. This is the only reason I included the beginning part.. I like that connection from beginning to end. Anyway, Meg asks me "do you know who that was? *she said this as if she did know herself but was curious if I had figured it out.. then she paused and assumed I didn't know who it was since I did not answer. Then she continued:* well, you'll see her again and maybe figure it out someday." Then she did the Meg-fun-laugh. Colin asks says something that he liked "the blonde one", who I never saw directly but I guess (according to Colin) was there. Ricky, Meg, Colin and I then walked over to the Orange Line which happened to be right there in the field. The train we got on went only one stop before I got off and woke up. I apologize if I wasted your time. But there's nothing I can do. That was my dream. Just thought it may be fun to read this weird stuff.

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Subject: Some Ego Now Time: 10:16 pm. Mood: accomplished. Music: 'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic' by The Police.

I just needed to put down a few things and it will probably be stuck-up and whatnot, so forgive that but I still want this in my journal. On Saturday I had Sectionals and placed 1st with a time of 1:02.55. Amazing. I really don't know how I did it since my best was a 1:03.8 previously and it is so rare that in a short race such as the 100, that more than fractions of a second is ever taken off. A few things did it. For one, I prepared mentally better than ever before. I was certain I would do something great that saturday and was hyped more than I have ever been for a race.. so hyped that I was still not even tired when I finished probably due to over-hyping. Two, I had practiced and trained hard all year, 3-7:30 every night. Three, yes I shaved a bit for this. Four, I was seated 1st, so I had the fastest lane and the was already setup for success. Five, my team, my friends, my family all supported me more than ever. I had everyone behind my lane.. it was insane and I'm very grateful. Special thanks to Bethany of course who contributed to what everyone joked as the "Bethany-Factor" by being there (love yah), to Colin because he is the most selfless kid I know and was there to cheer me on and also to keep coach from boring me to death (love yah.. haha ok jk, it had to be done though cause it's funny), to Mitch for fully supporting me even though he should have been envious etc since he was the previous top breast-stroker on YNS, to everyone on YNS for backing me even though they all could have left the meet earlier, to everyone I'm forgetting because everyone was awesome that day. So this means that this Saturday I am seeded/seated 2nd at All-States. Man, I am so so nervous. We will see what happens. It also means that April is going to rock because I'll be going to Ft. Lauderdale Florida for the National Championships. So I'm on the band trip from Friday to Monday. Then on Tuesday when everyone from the trip goes back to school for four days before April vacation, I go to Nationals from Tuesday to Saturday only to return to vacation. ummm, is that not insane?!?! Ok, that's it for now I guess. On a side note, Erich gives damn good hugs.. freaks me out like you can't imagine haha. UPDATE 03/02/03: 3rd at All-States!!! I'm 3rd in the State at the 100 brst!!! Sweet, though I was actually seated 2nd and will be forever pissed that the 3rd place guy shaved even his eyebrows and managed to touch me out putting ME 3rd and HIM 2nd. Oh well. UPDATE 03/22/03: 1st at YMCA New England Championships!!! I'm 1st in New England at the 100 brst!!! Sweet, but it's not as much as State's because it's only those on YMCA or Club teams.. which is why I did worse at State's (includes more people actually) than at New England's. But it was cool when they announced, "so and so is second with a time of 1:03.50 *pause, and then in a louder voice:* and your 2003 YMCA New England Champion in the 100 breast stroke event, with a time of 1:03.48.. Reeeeeeid Sacco.."

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Subject: Random Update/Catchup Time: 9:53 pm. Mood: complacent. Music: 'Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence.

It has been awhile since I've updated, enjoy.. Colin and I discussed "death" on the bus ride home from a swim meet. In his Live Journal he thoroughly covers this topic, so refer to his journal as well. However, he does not mention everything, so prepare yourself for this one.. Death is when that instant between falling asleep and waking up lasts for an eternity (if you don't dream). The time after death feels like it felt before you were born. Here, though, is where I am going to disappoint Colin. No matter how convincing the above argument may be, I would rather be more positive and continue to believe as a Deist would, that an afterlife exists. Deism is too complicated to describe here without boring you, but on this subject, a Deist would say that in order for a mind to remember, a mind must forever continue to exist; to forever have a point in time in which it can be able to retrieve these memories. If a mind didn't always have a future to exist in then it souldn't remember occurrences and, in theory, life, to us, would occur in an instant. We would have no knowledge of life's passing. Aside from the heavy stuff, I got into Villanova. I'm very happy and lucky that a school like Villanova is now my "safe school". I applied for a full scholarship at Nova, and although only a few students who qualify for it will actually get it.. all those who apply will at least get a 1/4 tuition just for qualifying for it. Now I just wait on Princeton, Dartmouth, UPenn, UVA, and Columbia. We will see. Borak my be getting fired due to budget cuts. It wouldn't be that big of a deal though, because he is so awesome for a band teacher that he deserves to move on anyway.. and not get trapped in Lynnfield High School so early in life. Good luck to him, though he won't need it. Sweet, February vacation. I'm going to UVM for a few days to see my cousin Rachael. Sweetness. I have a dilemma though. I've been pretty much a straightedge up until this moment. But I wonder if I might as well see what it's like while I'm there. Going into college as a straightedge may not be good for me. No tolerance, being inexperienced.. I may not be too well off like that. I thought that buy the end of senior year I would say "what the hell" on an occasion like this one, but I wasn't expecting for things to be like this. I would hate to lose Bethany's respect. We will have to talk about it etc because she may just say that she doesn't care about it after she reads this entry. But yeah, I feel she really does care and still will, no matter what she says. But we'll see. If she said she'd rather me not, then that's that. It's not that it would be hard for me anyway, I mean I've made it this far. I only assume that she may think this because, frankly, I'D rather HER not (I wouldn't say "NO" mind you.. but I would "rather" her not) if the roles were reversed. And I'd tell her that I was fine with it etc, but deep down I'd still be partly worred about her. Also, she's knows what I stand for, and visa versa, so I would hate to destroy that after all this. So if it were her I would feel like I just said, but all that doesn't matter at the moment because right now, it is me who is in question.. hmmm.

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Subject: France: In Short Time: 1:47 am. Mood: exhausted. Music: 'Everything Is Different Now' by Don Henley.

France was and unbelievable collaboration of every aspect of my life. The trip eliminated the stress of work. Life was already 10db less stressful as I immediately found a place of serenity between my headphones at the front of the 737. I remember thinking that it would suck if the plane went down BEFORE the trip, and I asked God to at least wait until the flight back if at all possible (though a deist, sometimes I speak to God because he may find me fun to listen to.. if not, he tunes out millions of poor souls every day, so what's one more?). Each day of the trip consisted of a new dull museum to visit or boring statue to take never-to-be-seen-again photos of. But this wasn't a problem. Though no group of people can ever perfectly click, we were all great friends, and were able to make even the most mind-numbing of circumstances enjoyable. Here too was the case: if all else fails, turn to Donny. I wish I could remember every part of the trip specifically. I do remember quite a bit, but text in great quantity, no matter how fun or interesting or great the quality, would bore you to the point where you'd wonder if that mouse you are using could render you unconscious if hammered against your head properly. Therefore, I will use very cliche generalizations: No one on the Trip will forget the little things that made it all special; the little (or shall I said big) thing that annoyed us.. maybe 3? or 4? times and again in the video, the great nights, the brisk walks, the close talks, the interestingly different and unimpressive-however-strangely-appetizing food, the hardy laughs, the uncontrollable laughs, the hilarious madames, the kodak moments, the important and unforgettable moments, and of course, the Eiffel Tower. The trip ended four great years of French class with Madame for us seniors.. we may still have class until May, but the trip was the epitome of our years together, and therefore the perfect closure. At the same time, for myself, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..

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Subject: Misc Chapter One Time: 8:12 pm. Mood: happy. Music: 'Two Princes' by Spin Doctors.

First of all, C.D. gets his own "thumbs up" for owning Top Gun on DVD. Second, Burger King has good apple pie and shakes compared to McDonald's.. but their Dollar Menu has something gross on it called a "King Supreme". It is a plain burger with cold raw onions and cold raw lettuce on a bun in some sort of vinegar/mayo sauce. No good. However, there is another new addition to the Dollar Menu that rocks: "Sourdough Burger". It is basically a burger in mustard and ketchup with lettuce pickles and cheese (maybe an onion or two) on the best sourdough bun possible for fast food. Sweet. Ok, this entry is horrible.. whatever.. I'll probably fix it or make it better someday. Oh and having none to do with the rest of this entry.. life is good as my mood goes from hopeful to happy (if you didn't notice).

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Subject: Quick Adjustment.. Time: 12:06 am. Mood: hopeful. Music: 'Dance With Me' by Orleans (yes there's a song for anything).

11/25/02 addition: (read the original first below) ..and if there was any lack in Friday night, Saturday made up for it. Victor: forget those people that will remain nameless.. your parties rock. The food alone is always awesome, but that may be the Italian in me speaking. After the party I saw the new Bond movie with Kyle, Colin, Will, Tracy, Z etc etc (Masco people that.. there is a never ending supply of them I tell yah..). And no matter how sketchy I had to do it, I still managed to see everyone I wanted to see.. 11/22/02 original entry: Just thought I'd insert this due to a complaint. Jackie and her friends were awesome, and it wasn't just Sarah's house that was cool.. Jackie's was too lol, though Sarah does have a ping-pong table and a train set and video games as well.. sweet. Of course anyone who owns Top Gun on DVD, get's a thumbs up in my book. So: sorry, the entry was to keep myself in check, not toward you. And ah yes, the dance.. Me, Charles, Mike.. why? hmm maybe.. *whip sound*. Haha, yah well it was worth it, even if the 2 plans didn't go through, right Sarah? lol. Eh, not a big deal. It's 12:45am, g'night people.

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Subject: Playing Catch-up Time: 1:18 pm. Mood: groggy. Music: 'Summer Of '69' by Bryan Adams.

NOTE: probably my most difficult-to-read entry yet.. so good luck if you think you can handle the 900 thoughts flowing at once.. Due to spending almost a week in France, I am behind in my entries and playing catch-up now. Friday night I spent a little time with Bethany and Sarah looking over France photos, but stupid me, I shoulda went on my way after some time. Their friends were cool and all, and were actually a mirror image of my friends, but I didn't want to be the intruder. Most groups are at least slightly sensitive to that. I'm sure it wasn't a big deal, but there's always that inner monologue that goes through everyone in the group's head "wait, what is HE doing here?". I was so exhausted that it didn't matter to me at the time.. eh, whatever. Last night I briefly spent time at my Grandparent's to use their scanner for my Paris pictures. It's great because when you are there, you're God. All they want to do is serve you ravioli and listen intently to everything you say. They have no bad comments or negative opinions and always tell you what you want to hear. My Grandparents are in their late 60's and are very "with-it" for grandparents. Unlike my 'Nana' who still insists that I'm a young menace who doesn't listen because one day she told me to pour cooking oil into my ear to heal my infection and I refused. Cooking oil?!?! geez. After I left my grandparents' I met up with a friend of mine and this girl that was with him who I've never met before. I have a feeling that this girl likes him, which would not be a good thing. First of all you must understand that guys tend to be interested in one certain girl because that girl is 'perfect' etc etc. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, the guy is not going to go jumping around to other girls in an immature and insecure fashion. If you know a guy who does jump, he either an egomaniacal asshole who is actually insecure and heartless and should be shot for it, or he may just possibly be gay (there are a few exceptions where the guy changes his mind because the girl turns out not as 'perfect' as she seemed, but these are really DEceptions not EXceptions.. yah.. been there done that thank you very much.. grrr). Of course, the guy will move on eventually and find a connection with someone else and the ball will begin to roll (no sexual innuendo here btw) once again.. but a week to week pattern, or thereabouts, is no good. So back to the story, at the moment I fear that my friend may be unintentionally pulling this girl I met into his life. Little does she know that my friend has his mind is set for the time being.. which could lead to an 'ouch' for her later on. I then left them alone to say the least, and met up with Will and his friends for the remainder of the night. We spent our time walking through the mall in search of the necessities in life: Gusher fruit snacks, CD cases and fuses for my bass tube. Afterwards we skidded around parking lots in the rain [Rain.. every 6 seconds I tell ya] (you may not follow the [], it's an inside-thing so just forget it and keep reading). This time it was I who drove because last time a certain-Jeep came a few inches from a certain-redwood because a certain-someone other than myself *coughWillcough* was driving and decided to pull the e-brake going 60 down a dirt road in Boxford. Umm, yah.. almost died. He claims, and I quote, "we weren't going in the direction of the tree, merely facing it you mofo.." And for those of you who have already heard that story, sorry.. but it needed to get into the LiveJournal. Next entry: 'France: My Version'.. and a little walk down memory lane..

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Subject: Update To Come Time: 8:49 pm. Mood: busy. Music: 'Ride Your Wild Horses' by U2.

So it has been about two weeks since my last entry. So much has happened since then and so much is going to happen in the next few weeks as well. Everyone is busy. This means that this is not going to be a full entry, but rather a placeholder for you unsatisfied visitors who want to read a new entry. So: no, I have not abandoned this journal. My problem, is going about writing a good short entry so I read blfo's latest entry.. problem solved. My short entry may lack the erroneously flawless qualities and the simply fun, yet complete, feelings that she obtains even unintentionally, but, I need an entry so here goes my attempt.. The craze this time is not mint oreos (which are good.. and so is mint oreo ice cream), but the "Dollar Menu". This is the best thing since velcro laces (why don't they make those anymore anyway?!?!) and brakes for automobiles. Where else can you get yogurt, hamburger, ice cream, chicken, pie and bacon for only 5 dollars?! McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's are competing in this quest for the best dollar menu. Meanwhile, us consumers can sit back and reap the benefits as each company tries to better the menu of the other. If you don't like variety, you could pull a Donny and get 3 bacon cheeseburgers and some water for 3 bucks. That works too. Ok, so it is at this point where I realize that the entry has far surpassed it's intended length, and is going nowhere fast. So in closing, stay tuned.. "your life may just depend on it" (name the movie-quote and get one million imaginary points. I will tell you that it is a Christmas-themed comedy, even though it may sound like an action flick or something). Speaking of Christmas: poor Jesus. I would hate to have my birthday on Christmas.

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