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Raven's Scratchings in Perspective
I'm a 40ish mother of two sons, a portrait and landscape photographer and a freelance writer. I'm very unique. Make sure to check out my homepage. I also have a few blogs, the most notable is "Raven's Musings on Life"-My blog which started in support of Terri Schindler-Schiavo and my ended up being my thoughts about the meaning of the right to life in American society.
Lady Raven's Links and Stuff:
Raven Shadowwinds - Personal Glimpse Raven's Musings on Life Shadows and Light Raven's Rantings Raven's Inner Knowledge Get Your Domain The Wonderful World of Ravens Some Communications Stuff Christian Goth Sacred Sandwich
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Jun. 8th, 2006 @ 11:57 pm I know I said...
How We Feel: artistic
Atmosphere: tv
I know I said I wouldn't post here anymore, but I have something I want everyone to see. It's a little ditty written by a friend of mine who goes by "Jesse James Dean". If you aren't from SC, you might not understand it...but here goes

Ivory Tower Andre Bauer

Governor Sanford, you might as well give up
Them Legislators they just hate your guts
But there's something you could do for all of us
Toss that Andre Bauer out of the State House

Give the Palmetto State some real hope
Wash his mouth out with a bar of soap
You need to take that boy over your knee
And put a stop to his statewide crime spree

He races down our state's highways
Running red lights along his way
Governor you need to put your foot down
And run that loose cannon our of our town

He needs "time out" for a couple of years
Send him to anger management ya hear
Who's he think he is...the midnight rider
Knock him down off his Ivory Tower

We couldn't get away with what he's done
They would have already locked us up
And a couple thousand dollars in fines
And they let him go everytime

Put him on a good four years restriction
Or even better make him serve some detention
Send him to stay with the prison warden
And give your vote to Henry Jordan

You need to start an investigation
Sounds to us like class discrimination
Knock him down off his ivory tower
Toss out that loose cannon Andre Bauer

Well people you know what you gotta do
They keep wildmen down at the zoo
Register to vote down at Hampton and Harden
And give your vote to Dr Henry Jordan
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May. 26th, 2006 @ 12:49 pm All of My Blogs
In case you want to see all of my blogs, or subscribe to them... Here is the information you seek...

360 Page: The day to day stuff

My Space page: Typical myspace page. If I don't already know you I will not add you as a friend if I have nothing in common with you, you send me penis mail, or all your "friends" are half naked chicks. Or if I have added you and find this out, you will be removed. I will also not respond to or approve comments which i find offensive. If I was looking for sleaze I'd go to a bar, at least I'd get a free drink out of it. I'm also not interested in "whore codes"

Raven's Rantings: Politics from a Christian Constitutional Confederate Libertarian POV. If you want to have some fun say that with a mouth full of pop rocks.

Raven's Musings on Life: Pro life blog started in support of Terri Schindler Schiavo and now deals with life issues at all stages of life.

The Reforming of the Raven: Ramblings about God, religion, spirituality, that sort of thing. Lady Raven actually does have the time to spend thinking about this sort of thing....

Raven's Inner Knowledge: The deeper, awareness of self...some philosophical stuff, some self improvement, some writing exercises...sometimes lucid, sometimes deep, sometimes insipid...always raven...

Weighty Issues: Weight loss and health journal. Fairly boring really.

And of course you have my personal pages on the net:

Raven Shadowwinds: Biographical and personal site...hobbies, favourite places, why I am the way I am, what I like to do and why my furniture is covered in chenille and soft fabric.

Shadows and Light: Being Gothic and Christian...support for Christian Goths, answers for Christians and parents of goths about what the lifestyle really is, and advice for all concerned. Plus a few theological thoughts and creedal type statements.
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Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 05:46 pm Moving
No not physically, just on the internet. I've gotten onto Yahoo's 360 and use that blog now. I still have my other blogs on blogger too. I do check back here to post to groups, but you will not find much here in the way of updates anymore. They will be on my yahoo page. 360 Page.

Toodles....
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Feb. 21st, 2006 @ 08:48 pm WOW
It's been forever since I've been here, hasn't it? Lesse what has happened since I've not posted...

Happy New Year. I moved back to SC and hooked up with all my old friends. When I was here before I was in a pair bond, nobody else was but my bf and I. Now i am the only one without someone. Sinclare is married, Darius and DW are living with someone, Serina has a bf and my ex bf has a gf too. Oddly enough I don't feel like a third wheel though. I guess that means that I feel totally accepted and loved by this group, as I should.

I was asked if I was talking to anyone, which in our group means trying to get together with someone over the internet. You know, I just don't think I need to be attached right now. I have books to right, webpages to design and kids to hang out with. I'm not sure I have time to try the whole courtship thing right now. Of course mr right could come by and change my mind, but I'm not sure this will happen right now.

I didn't lose as much weight as I thought I would last season so I'm hoping to kick it up this one. I'd like to feel lighter and happier with my figure. This way it will justify the new clothes I want to purchase.

I'm getting a really good income tax check. Planning on paying off some things...things will be nice afterwards. I had to take out a title loan to get into my trailer and I've had trouble keeping this loan paid on time due to the date I took it out. When uncle sam pays me that loan is going bye bye. I'm not dragging this out for three years. But I'd run out of my last check when I moved here. It paid for the ticket, the truck, the storage, the motels, the gas and food for the trip and the new car. When I pulled into dad's drive with that car, I was broke again. ANd a month later I had to move into my trailer so the kids could get into the schools without problems....blah.

I love the people I work with, but you know, I did like my last office better. There was a much better dynamic, more "individuals" present. And alot less politics. I hate office politics. I may end up leaving this office after a while in order to find another which might not be so political.

Well, I'm very tired and I'm going to bed after I wash the dishes and finish watching IDOL. Very few things on network television catch me but I like this show.

Have a nice day, so says bon jovi anyway.

Raven
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Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 01:57 pm The End is coming
How We Feel: anxious
Atmosphere: History Channel
this week and next week most likely will be the end of me work experience for this season. The boss said I'll be back on training probably the last week of January. This sucks in a way, I need more money to get my car fixed right. I suppose I will have to write down what I need and get it little by little over the break, but I will have to draw unemployment. If that does not come in i will basically be screwed.

As far as the kids go, things are going well. We have two pet rats, smokey and blue, who stay in J's room. I got him a 50 cent plastic slotted spoon today to use to put the poop into the toilet each day. But it's the urine I don't know what to do about the smell for. They pee everywhere in their cage, they will poop in the litter area so its not that bad. Sigh.

B's crab is still alive, though I believe he will be outgrowing his shell soon. I wonder where we will get another one, I haven't seen them anywhere locally...at least not the size we need. B named the crab spider since it looked like one when it was in it's smaller shell.

I need to find some renters insurance when I get my title loan paid off, in case anything happens. If it's not one thing it's another around here. Well I gotta go soak my head.
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Nov. 2nd, 2005 @ 06:19 am Wrapping Up
How We Feel: blah
Atmosphere: Fox News
The season is wrapping up. My photos have improved over this season but there were none I was particularly impressed with. It was a new program and I felt like a newbie even though I was clearly not one. But both of the bosses are talking about my return next season, so I see no reason to be too upset. Next season is a program I am very familiar with. At the end of last season I was taking some really good pictures.

I have to file unemployment in MD even though I am here in SC. The benefit year is not over there and also I don't have any income in SC for the period under discussion. It sucks cause I know that until Dec I will be earning something like 134 a week. Blah. In December it should be better.

I found a gas station just over the border before going into GA yesterday where gas was 2.09 a gallon. YAY. I filled myself up since I know that is the best I'm gonna find for a long time. I also saw a bearded lady and took her picture. Seriously. She had a beard and a mustache. It wasn't really thick, but it was definately noticable. She was a very lovely person though, had a great smile and a twinkle in her eye. I'd just never seen a woman with so much facial hair. And one that had not shaved or naired it away if there was facial hair.

I'm kinda upset, the utility bills are huge this month. I'm sure it had to do with running the oven ot heat the trailer like I had to do at first. Now I have space heaters. I'm not buying gas. At least not at the price they want. Oh well everything else runs off electricity.

Well I started a new website for Christian Goths. It's not finished but it is finished enough to submit to search engines and webrings. It doesn't look like it's not finished. I've decided that over my break I'll spend most of my time writing and working on the website.

I am sure I will be working too, at least part of the time. I have too much I need done on my car not to do so, but I guess I need to put most of my work checks aside for car repairs....

Well gotta go and put in another half a day's work. I hate this part of the season. Just enough work to keep you off unemployment, not enough to really pay any bills and buy much of anything either. Can't sleep in, and can't get anything around the house as far as major projects done either. I need to stop complaining. Two years ago I didn't even have this. That is why I went to MD in the fist place.
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Oct. 25th, 2005 @ 07:52 pm Whatta Bubblehead
How We Feel: depressed
Atmosphere: Annoying Hampton Inn Commercial Jingle floating in my head..
Today I was tooling along the road to the assignment I had. I had to be there at 730, I left in enough time to get there by 7. I reach inside my bag to get a drink out for the trip when I realise I do not feel my bag with all my paperwork in it. I pull over and nope, it's not there. Soooo I have to turn around and go back. This put me set to get to the school 30 min late instead of 30 min early.

To top this all off, I forgot my camera (because it wasn't in the normal place) the last time I was there. The difference was that at that time I lived in town and could go get it and get back within 30 min. This time it was a whole extra hour.

I get to 10 miles away from the school, just turned onto the road when there is a total backup. dead stop. it took 30 min to get from the turn to the school, something that would normally take 10 minutes; I got to the school and knew where I was suspposed to be and went right there without checking in (why advertise the fact I'm late) and threw the stuff together the fastest I've done it in a long time.

I turn it on to warm up the lights and blow fuses all over the place. The custodians had tocome and reset the circuits and stuff, so since this happened they thought this was the reason we were 20 min late starting. I saved face I guess, as I did not dissuade them.

The whole day started bad because I was a bubble head. The picture taking went fine, and I went to the office and found a check there, much to my delight (expense check, yay). I stopped by Dads on the way to pick up the boys bikes. The bike rack may as well have been some alien peice of technology as neither Dad or I could figure out how to make it work. So he loaded up the bikes and said he'd meet me at the trailer in about two hours. I got there in 1 1/2 and just barely beat him. I was so irritated cause the house was trashed and I wanted to have time to fic it up before he got there. Oh well.

I paid my electricity bill today and I'm depressed. I guess I'll go eat some watermelon. Not fattening but still comfort food to me.
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Oct. 20th, 2005 @ 08:03 pm A pain the the arm
How We Feel: calm
About three weeks ago I noticed a pain in my elbow. I frequently injure myself at work by bumping or poking myself with my equipment and often I dont even notice I've done it. I figured I'd pulled or bruised the joint and went about my business.

here I am three weeks or more later and it has not gotten better. It has not gotten worse, but it isn't any better either. In the early morning it is very stiff and I can medicate it so that I don't notice it at work, but it disturbs me.

Dad and a cafeteria worker from the school I was at today think it is arthritis. Arthritis. I'm only 41. I understand my chronic intermittent back pain (which lately is only bad in the beginning of the season) as I have had it for over 15 years. But arthritis. This means I'm getting old. I figured I'd have at least until I was 50 before I started falling apart. I am young mentally, I love to be and do things and see where my mind can take me. I don't want my body deciding I can't do things anymore.

The season is starting to slow down. I had all retakes this week, and I have only three days of work next week. I want things to last long enough to stretch out over November somewhat. If it doesn't I guess I'll make it work but I would like for it to do that.

Well I have kids to parent. I'm outta here.
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Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 08:43 pm Long Time No Blog
How We Feel: content
Atmosphere: America's FUnniest Animal Videos
Wel, I'm into my trailer now, though alot remains to be moved. I have cable now and the phone was just connected (hence my return to the web). However I am now in debt, had to take out a title loan on my car. Have to pay that off as soon as possible.

I am now perpetually broke. We have been eating for 40$ or less due to the amount it costs for gas these days. Luckily my electricity bill was less than I budgeted.

The kids and I started a new roleplay game. We constantly work on arranging things in the trailer and gtenerally enjoying ourselves for free. We do love the freedom.

I asked my office how my career with this territory was looking and I was told that I was doing well and had nothing to worry about. Whew. I was worried cause I had a bad start to things, due to my car, but it's been fine lately and my pictures are greatiy improving. I looked at my sheets from about a month ago and I wash shocked at the improvement, since I hadn't seen any pictures by that time in order to know what to correct on my portraits. I'm very pleased. My life seems to hold promise today. I better go to bed before that changes.
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Sep. 15th, 2005 @ 10:03 pm Sigh
How We Feel: exhausted
Atmosphere: TV program on the history of hell
I'm so tired of everything today, I can't wait until next friday, not this one but next one when I get paid again. I just need one more paycheck more than what I have, I had to take out a title loan on my car to get through this week. I wanted to cry. I am in my trailer and my car is running but it seems like nothing has gone my way this week at all. But my kids and I do have a good peace about moving into my trailer, a place of our own and they have taken alot of pride in helping to set up and arrange their rooms.

I'm tired, but at least I get to sleep on a mattress tonight if I want to. What a concept.
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Sep. 10th, 2005 @ 10:15 pm Trailer
How We Feel: exhausted
Atmosphere: gregorian chant
Took some items up to the trailer the past two days. Can't get a truck but I did get some dishes and washed up all the ones we unwrapped. Some of my stuff is so pathetic I wonder why I bothered to pack it up in the first place.

It felt good to put stuff away in my own place though. I wish I could afford a truck this weekend. I'd like to get things into the trailer asap and get moved in.

well, tired, very tired
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Sep. 8th, 2005 @ 10:15 pm Things seem to be getting better
How We Feel: anxious
Atmosphere: television again.
in New Orleans and Mississippi. Finally. I know it will take a while, and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help. Meanwhile I'm so broke. Moving is very expensive.

Was assigned at a school today where normally there are two cameras and today I was the only one. I thought I was going to go crazy but it was just fine. The lady who was in charge was an absolute gem and I hope I get to go back for retake day. I will be there tomorrow also. It's great and it was great not having to go to the office today too. That is a long trip.

I tried to hook up my electricity today. Well I have to call tomorrow cause they want a deposit and for some reason they won't let me have it today from the account, even though there is almost 800$ in the account and I was using the credit card function. I hate my bank, one day I will find another one, but I have to hang with this one for now cause I have a history of overdrafts. Ugh. Most of them are not my fault (like when my sister wrote me a bad check) but oh my...

Planning on taking the family to see the trailer tomorrow night (dad) and hopefully can get him to take a load of stuff up there too. I'm so peeved he won't help me move. You'd think he'd want to help get me out of here, but he says he "can't" I can't rent a truck this weekend, and might not be able to until next payday, how the devil am I supposed to move? It seems like every time I take a step toward being on my own, I get knocked down again.
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Sep. 2nd, 2005 @ 08:49 pm Sadness
How We Feel: gloomy
Atmosphere: Fox news
I am helpless. I watch in horror as things unfold in New Orleans and Mississippi, but I am so broke I can't pay attention.

One thing that distresses me is the depravity of humanity. When 9-11 happened, there was no looting, there was no shooting the police, there was a certain amount of chaos and alot of fear and outrage, but not a whole lot of lawlessness. I remember how we all came together and how quickly help got to NYC. I remember how people behaved overall and was proud. I am shamed now, to think that in my country people take the opportunity to run mad and steal things from their neighbors who have lost their homes and businesses just as they have. I could understand, with the lack of relief, how one would want to steal food, and if I had been a shop owner I'd have thrown the doors open to welcome the hungry, or I'd like to think I would. I can see stealing water, definately and things like diapers. But not jewelry or expensive sporting goods. And it was so blatantly out in your face too. I hate to think that if I'd have grown up differently I could have ended up like that, doing that, acting in such a shameful manner. I don't know if having a strong mayor like Guiliani helped more than having the mayor of New Orleans, but people should be of a caliber that even without such a leader they would be capable of getting things together and behaving well to their neighbours in the meantime...

I am also distressed that instead of fixing whatever is wrong that the food and goods just started getting there...people are pointing fingers. There is a time and place for that, but it isn't now. Not when people are dying, passing out in the streets from heat exhaustion, starving and dehydrating... When the area is dry, when the rebuilding starts, w hen families are reunited, then we can accuse each other. I dont think it's appropriate right now though.

I can't give much, and I have to do it in person cause I have no money on my debit card, but I'll put a link here to the red cross, in case someone reading this blog can help.

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Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 08:45 pm New Residence
How We Feel: drained
Atmosphere: Gregorian Chant
I am now the proud renter of my own trailer in a very nice trailer park which is not full of deliquents like many of them are. It's close to my friends and big enough that I can rent a two bedroom and save some money (I'll give the kids their own room) I signed my life away yesterday, but didn't think it was right to put it in the same blog as Katrina. I'm not thinking about Katrina right now. A peice or two of my past is gone there as I was stationed in Biloxi and I spent some time in New Orleans on vacation.

The cost of gasoline is sucking me dry. It shot up over night. Ah well I need to go to bed soon, I'm exhausted.
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Aug. 31st, 2005 @ 08:44 pm kATRINA
How We Feel: depressed
Atmosphere: Gregorian Chant
What a mess. I know hurricanes frequently come through and shake things up south of the mason dixon, especially where we are close enough to smell ocean (which is one reason why I can't smell the ocean where I am). If I an congnicent of this fact, I wonder why there are no places set up and no instructions given to people after Katrina hit.

Camille was there years ago, I remember when I went to Tech school in Biloxi...there was no real downtown anymore, it had been wiped out by Camille and never recovered. Other things popped up, but the old historical town was gone for good. It seemeth to me, and perhaps I'm upset cause I liked Biloxi, that something should have been planned for, so that there was some sort of instructions. It's a hazard of living in that area. And flooding is a hazard of living in New Orleans below sea level, it's a fact. It should have been planned for, especially when they found out Katrina was headed thatta way. For me, it is wierd cause we didn't even get a thunderstorm out of it here in SC.

On the flip side, I ache when I watch Fox. I can't imagine not knowing where my family is, I can't imagine being hurded into a large sports complex full of hot stinky sweaty people with no food, water, no place to bathe and no air conditioning, much less being in those conditions when I am scared or stressed out after having been traumatised by the storm and the loss of all my worldly goods. I can't imagine seeing dead people laying and floating around all over the place. I have no money because I have to get a house, I wish I did, I wish I was rich enough to do something meaningful.
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Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 08:16 pm Hooked Up
How We Feel: drained
Atmosphere: Ozzy -- Crazy Train
Hooked back up with friends, feels good, though one of them was conspicuously missing. I need to get in contact with H again, I will as soon as I can. H's new boyfriend is strange, but ok I guess. Not someone I'd have to be real close to, but I could play cards with him once in a while. I'm sure it will go sour cause he's sort of a womaniser, but in the mean time I'll be fine with it.

L's cross eyed cat seems to be adjusting to life rather well. L's fiance is nice, not the same gal I remember by that name, but she's nice. Their trailer is very tiny though, they said if I liked it, I could maybe get in their trailer park but...it's so small I couldn't imagine trying to get in there.

Well other than keeping an eye on the weather, I have nothing really going on. I have called several trailer parks, no luck so far. I'm starting to worry, if you know what I mean. I left a message at one place and I really hope they have one available cause it's in a nice area, convenient for traveling like I do for my job but still out in a fairly rural area, and only a few miles from any of the people I consider to be friends. I used to travel past it all the time on the way to C and L's house back before I moved.

Well, I guess I will go, I have work tomorrow.
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Aug. 24th, 2005 @ 04:31 pm Finally Cooling Off
How We Feel: groggy
Atmosphere: Television Again....Doesn't anyone believe in music anymore?
It's finally cooling down some, it got below 90 here today and the sun is not blazing. I was off but still had to run to the office so I could get my equipment for the next few days. But I'm happy since my car is still running well.

TJ called and hooked me back up with our friend L, who lives local to where I will be living once I move. Planning a big magic the gathering and roleplaying bash this weekend. Tee hee. I will get to meet his fiancee also, I have met her but it was ages ago, once...before we ever left here. A reintro would be a good thing. L says he has a cross eyed cat. How does one train a cross eyed cat?

Can't wait until the kids are in school and have rooms of their own, they need to stop playing video games and wandering aimlessly around the house. Never thought I'd say I wanted them to be elsewhere but they are way too bored...

Dyed my hair, it's really dark burgandy again, which will last all of about 3 weeks before it's faded out and in need of redying. Sigh. I wish my natural colour wasn't something akin to a mousey grey. It makes me look hideous.
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Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 07:15 pm Working
How We Feel: aggravated
Atmosphere: Wheel of Fortune - UGH I never hear music anymore!!
I have begun working part of the time, due to a nonfull schedule at the office. I cant wait until I get to the full time stuff, I could really use the money right now. I have 40$ and I have to get through a few more days before payday. UGH. My sister owes me money but I don't believe I will ever see any of it. She is known for that and I suppose it's just as well, she doesn't really have it to give back.

Getting a headache, I suppose I should take something.
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Aug. 22nd, 2005 @ 03:07 pm Swallowed by Life
How We Feel: blah
Atmosphere: Dr Phil
I'm being swallowed by life. I've spent so much time on making sure my car runs, that my job is starting and that I have a place to live that I don't have much else going on. This could be seen as a good thing, as I am making progress toward my goal of being on my own shortly. It could also be seen as a bad one, since I have not been able to do the things I love. Sigh.
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Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 11:20 pm A new outlook
How We Feel: contemplative
Atmosphere: TV - MSNBC Investigates
Visited my friends as planned. It made me realise how much I'd "fallen off the wagon" spiritually in the past two yrs living with my sister. Especially in regards to my temper. While dating my ex, I'd made great strides in learning to control my temper and fighting "fair" rather than attempting to manipulate people when I feel angry or out of control. He had similar issues and we held each other accountable and my kids were also welcome to give feedback if we stepped over the line...

While living in maryland, I undid over a year's worth of spiritual work in that area. I began yelling more often and began using emotional manipulation in order to get what I wanted. Not all the time mind you, but I should not have been doing it at all. I'd learned to strongly articulate my feelings in a way that could not be ignored, I don't need to behave that way to be in control. I also don't need to subject my kids to that type of atmosphere. I am rather upset with myself on these points.

On the other hand, it was like rubbing lotion onto dry skin to see these people again. They were some of the few people I could really be myself around and who also shared many of my spiritual beliefs. It was really encouraging to be around them and also very very nice to enjoy the fellowship again.

Well, I guess I have work to do, but here again, I have before me a new start. I can do with it what I want, can't I?
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