R.G. Dippity Sauce (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} rjg6cb) wrote,@ 2004-05-21 20:38:00 |
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Mark may remember this, and I am bored
With the All-Star game fast approaching, it is time for silly voting stuff, namely, the All-nickname team and the Handsome Man team:
AL First Base: Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas, CWS
NL First Base: Jason "Specs" Phillips, NYM
AL Second Base: Calvin "Pokey" Reese, BOS
NL Second Base: Tony "Caterpillar" Womack, STL
AL Third Base: Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, NYY
NL Third Base: Sean "Sausage" Burroughs, SD
AL Shortstop: Miguel "Mr. Swing at Everything" Tejada, BAL
NL Shortstop: Alex "Sea Bass" Gonzalez, FLA
AL Catcher: Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, DET
NL Catcher: Mike "Pizza man" Pzazza NYM
AL Outfielder: Carlos "El Caballo" Lee, CWS
AL Outfielder: Johnny "Caveman" Damon, BOS
AL Outfielder: Hideki "Godzilla" Matsui, NYY
NL Outfielder: "Jurassic" Carl Everett, MON
NL Outfielder: Moises "Pee Hands" Alou, CHI
NL Outfielder: Craig "Pigpen" Biggio, HOU
The nicknames in baseball suck. Seriously, broadcasters need to get on this and get these men some nicknames.
The Handsome Man team:
American League
First Base: C. Delgado, TOR
Delgado had very little competition at first base in the American League. In fact, if Delgado flees the AL as a free agent, there will be nary a good-looking guy manning first base in the American League.
Second Base: A. Kennedy, ANA
There are a few good-looking contenders for most handsome AL second baseman, but Kennedy barely takes the title over Orlando Hudson and Jerry Hairston. Hudson may win next year, I can't think of an overwhelming reason that he's better looking than Kennedy (and he does wear a Little League helmet) and Hairston has a serious monobrow.
Third Base: E. Chavez, OAK
Like second base, third base is a very good-looking position. Three of the best-looking men in baseball play this position: A-Rod, Chavez and Troy Glaus. I had to go with Chavez because he a) isn't in People's "50 Most Beautiful People" and b) he's probably going to play the rest of the year. Also, he's got the best pompadour in baseball, by far.
Shortstop: N. Garciaparra, BOS
With the departure of A-Rod, shortstop is much worse-looking. Outside of Nomar and Derek Jeter, there is only the namesake of this team (Jose Valentin, whom Rick Taft called "a handsome man.").
Catcher: J. Lopez, BAL
Javy Lopez is a wonderfully handsome man and remains the captain of the AL Handsome Man team. A lot of these positions have one handsome man and lots of ugly ones. In fact, last year, the Handsome Man team was pretty bereft of AL catchers. This year, thanks to J-Lo switching leagues, Lopez rules the position.
Outfielder: I. Suzuki, SEA
Outfielder: J. Cruz, Jr, TB
Outfielder: M. Ordonez, CWS
This was probably the most difficult position to choose. There are very few handsome men patrolling the grass in the AL. I went with two handsome men and a guy my mom thinks is handsome. Ichiro! and Cruz are both good-looking and Ordonez is handsome, according to my mother (she met him last year and was quite smitten). Really, none of these three would be on the National League's bench, no less starting.
National League:
First Base: S. Green, LA
This good-looking Jew's only competition comes from Cub Derrek Lee. Lee is a nice-looking man, but isn't nearly as good-looking as Green. Otherwise, we're looking at goobers like Todd Helton and Jim Thome, Jason Phillips and his Rec Specs or chubbers like Nick Johnson or Sean Casey (and don't forget Jeff Bagwell's bizarre facial hair). Eric Karros was a big contender here, but he is now toiling as a backup in Oakland.
Second Base: M. Grudzielanek, CHI
Grudz still remains one of the best-looking infielders in the National League. Second base remains a pretty non-descript position in the looks department, occupied by the Jose Vidros, Ray Durhams, Mark Lorettas and Junior Spiveys of the world. Certainly not bad-looking, but nothing to write home about. The only real ugger at the keystone is Tony "Catepillar" Womack and his out-of-control insect-like eyebrows.
Third Base: S. Hillenbrand, ARI
Like second base, the hot corner has little to be excited about or repulsed by. Aramis Ramirez looks like a fat child, David Bell looks like someone's unhip dad and Vinny Castilla's mullet had got to go. Hillenbrand is a nice-looking man, although, the NL really could use one of the AL's big three (Glaus, A-Rod or Chavez) to hop leagues.
Shortstop: Alex Gonzalez, CHI
Along with runner-up Derek Lee and Mark Grudzielanek, the Cubs have one of the most handsome teams in MLB. In fact, they could have the most handsome team, if not for a few factors. The first being some real weird-looking men on that team. Along with Aramis Ramirez (that man has some water-weight), Carlos Zambrano and Matt Clement are both really odd-looking. Also, the A's are really a good-looking team, having one of the best-looking pitching staffs around (Zito, and Mulder are heartthrobs).
Catcher: B. Ausmus, HOU
As week the position is in the AL, catcher just as a strong position in the National League. Ausmus, Ramon Hernandez and Mike Matheny are all handsome-men and LoDuca isn't a bad-looking guy either.
Outfielder: C. Patterson, CHI
Outfielder: K. Griffey, Jr., CIN
Outfielder: A. Jones, ATL
Another strength of the National League is the outfield. Corey Patterson, Ken Griffey Jr. and Andruw Jones are all big-time handsome men and you could make a second team with Pat Burrell (who has a fan club called "Burrell's Girls"), Barry Bonds and Chipper Jones. Really, a handsome position.
Certainly, there is more to say, but, the NBA game is starting soon.
With the All-Star game fast approaching, it is time for silly voting stuff, namely, the All-nickname team and the Handsome Man team:
AL First Base: Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas, CWS
NL First Base: Jason "Specs" Phillips, NYM
AL Second Base: Calvin "Pokey" Reese, BOS
NL Second Base: Tony "Caterpillar" Womack, STL
AL Third Base: Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez, NYY
NL Third Base: Sean "Sausage" Burroughs, SD
AL Shortstop: Miguel "Mr. Swing at Everything" Tejada, BAL
NL Shortstop: Alex "Sea Bass" Gonzalez, FLA
AL Catcher: Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, DET
NL Catcher: Mike "Pizza man" Pzazza NYM
AL Outfielder: Carlos "El Caballo" Lee, CWS
AL Outfielder: Johnny "Caveman" Damon, BOS
AL Outfielder: Hideki "Godzilla" Matsui, NYY
NL Outfielder: "Jurassic" Carl Everett, MON
NL Outfielder: Moises "Pee Hands" Alou, CHI
NL Outfielder: Craig "Pigpen" Biggio, HOU
The nicknames in baseball suck. Seriously, broadcasters need to get on this and get these men some nicknames.
The Handsome Man team:
American League
First Base: C. Delgado, TOR
Delgado had very little competition at first base in the American League. In fact, if Delgado flees the AL as a free agent, there will be nary a good-looking guy manning first base in the American League.
Second Base: A. Kennedy, ANA
There are a few good-looking contenders for most handsome AL second baseman, but Kennedy barely takes the title over Orlando Hudson and Jerry Hairston. Hudson may win next year, I can't think of an overwhelming reason that he's better looking than Kennedy (and he does wear a Little League helmet) and Hairston has a serious monobrow.
Third Base: E. Chavez, OAK
Like second base, third base is a very good-looking position. Three of the best-looking men in baseball play this position: A-Rod, Chavez and Troy Glaus. I had to go with Chavez because he a) isn't in People's "50 Most Beautiful People" and b) he's probably going to play the rest of the year. Also, he's got the best pompadour in baseball, by far.
Shortstop: N. Garciaparra, BOS
With the departure of A-Rod, shortstop is much worse-looking. Outside of Nomar and Derek Jeter, there is only the namesake of this team (Jose Valentin, whom Rick Taft called "a handsome man.").
Catcher: J. Lopez, BAL
Javy Lopez is a wonderfully handsome man and remains the captain of the AL Handsome Man team. A lot of these positions have one handsome man and lots of ugly ones. In fact, last year, the Handsome Man team was pretty bereft of AL catchers. This year, thanks to J-Lo switching leagues, Lopez rules the position.
Outfielder: I. Suzuki, SEA
Outfielder: J. Cruz, Jr, TB
Outfielder: M. Ordonez, CWS
This was probably the most difficult position to choose. There are very few handsome men patrolling the grass in the AL. I went with two handsome men and a guy my mom thinks is handsome. Ichiro! and Cruz are both good-looking and Ordonez is handsome, according to my mother (she met him last year and was quite smitten). Really, none of these three would be on the National League's bench, no less starting.
National League:
First Base: S. Green, LA
This good-looking Jew's only competition comes from Cub Derrek Lee. Lee is a nice-looking man, but isn't nearly as good-looking as Green. Otherwise, we're looking at goobers like Todd Helton and Jim Thome, Jason Phillips and his Rec Specs or chubbers like Nick Johnson or Sean Casey (and don't forget Jeff Bagwell's bizarre facial hair). Eric Karros was a big contender here, but he is now toiling as a backup in Oakland.
Second Base: M. Grudzielanek, CHI
Grudz still remains one of the best-looking infielders in the National League. Second base remains a pretty non-descript position in the looks department, occupied by the Jose Vidros, Ray Durhams, Mark Lorettas and Junior Spiveys of the world. Certainly not bad-looking, but nothing to write home about. The only real ugger at the keystone is Tony "Catepillar" Womack and his out-of-control insect-like eyebrows.
Third Base: S. Hillenbrand, ARI
Like second base, the hot corner has little to be excited about or repulsed by. Aramis Ramirez looks like a fat child, David Bell looks like someone's unhip dad and Vinny Castilla's mullet had got to go. Hillenbrand is a nice-looking man, although, the NL really could use one of the AL's big three (Glaus, A-Rod or Chavez) to hop leagues.
Shortstop: Alex Gonzalez, CHI
Along with runner-up Derek Lee and Mark Grudzielanek, the Cubs have one of the most handsome teams in MLB. In fact, they could have the most handsome team, if not for a few factors. The first being some real weird-looking men on that team. Along with Aramis Ramirez (that man has some water-weight), Carlos Zambrano and Matt Clement are both really odd-looking. Also, the A's are really a good-looking team, having one of the best-looking pitching staffs around (Zito, and Mulder are heartthrobs).
Catcher: B. Ausmus, HOU
As week the position is in the AL, catcher just as a strong position in the National League. Ausmus, Ramon Hernandez and Mike Matheny are all handsome-men and LoDuca isn't a bad-looking guy either.
Outfielder: C. Patterson, CHI
Outfielder: K. Griffey, Jr., CIN
Outfielder: A. Jones, ATL
Another strength of the National League is the outfield. Corey Patterson, Ken Griffey Jr. and Andruw Jones are all big-time handsome men and you could make a second team with Pat Burrell (who has a fan club called "Burrell's Girls"), Barry Bonds and Chipper Jones. Really, a handsome position.
Certainly, there is more to say, but, the NBA game is starting soon.
