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Rhodri Marsden
rhodri
22 September 2004 @ 04:05 pm
rhodes  
I'm watching Gary Rhodes again. Yes, I know I should be working. He takes the abuse of the word "literally" to new extremes. TV chefs have managed to change its meaning to something akin to "then". It's just a word they use to pad out a sentence while trying to get some mashed potato off a spoon. But Rhodes is the master.

"Then you literally add two tablespoons of creme fraiche."

"You can literally ask your fishmonger to trim off the fins."

When it's written down it looks even more stupid.

Other fantastic quotes from the last half hour:

"And to finish off this sauce, I have chosen [pause...] parsley."

"Now, I'm going to add another flavour. [pause.] Cheese."
 
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Angel V[info]angelv on September 22nd, 2004 08:08 am (UTC)
Gary Rhodes makes me scared. He has funny little teeth.
Alfred Armstrong[info]alfaguru on September 22nd, 2004 08:12 am (UTC)
"Then you literally add two tablespoons of creme fraiche."

There's always the danger to consider of people treating the instructions metaphorically, especially if Mr Rhodes is pouting and winking at the camera in the manner you describe. Who knows what "two tablespoons of creme fraiche" might be taken to mean?
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:15 am (UTC)
Yes. He might be actually suggesting you leave the room and go on holiday to the Seychelles.
Alfred Armstrong[info]alfaguru on September 22nd, 2004 08:21 am (UTC)
Do you think he might literally send me the tickets and some spending money? It sounds rather tempting.
Millibrachiate Tentacular Coelenterate[info]nja on September 22nd, 2004 08:13 am (UTC)
I hate that "add another flavour" stuff. It's an ingredient, Gary. "Adding a flavour" is what industrial chemists do to instant blancmange mixes.
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:17 am (UTC)
Exactly. [info]neil_scott just came round, and heard me shouting "Gary, cheese is a f*cking ingredient!" And, later, "You're not caramelizing them, Gary, you're f*cking frying them! JESUS!"
a velvet hand in an iron glove[info]missfrost on September 22nd, 2004 08:19 am (UTC)
Pan fried. I hate that saying. What else would you fry it in, flip-flops?

Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:22 am (UTC)
You'll be aware that Jenny works for a food mag. A while back she made the executive decision to excise the "pan" from "pan-frying" throughout the mag for this very reason. A process of elimination (and of course the reading of a load of food mags) will enable you to deduce which mag she works for.
a velvet hand in an iron glove: frost[info]missfrost on September 22nd, 2004 08:24 am (UTC)
Luckily my flatmate buys many of these things. That's tonight's entertainment sorted there, thanks!
Christbearer Boatshout[info]arampus on September 22nd, 2004 08:40 am (UTC)
Very oddly (but not very interestingly) I only just noticed the 'pan-fried' tautology last night in a pre-HOST gig pub. The question now is...does the same apply to 'oven-baked'?
Lost property.[info]chiller on September 22nd, 2004 08:41 am (UTC)
And by extension, should one specify that one's morning egg be "saucepan-boiled"?
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:48 am (UTC)
Yes, with some delicious toaster-toasted toast.
Who? Me?[info]richard_geefe on September 22nd, 2004 11:49 am (UTC)
Ah, but one can make toast using other methods, such as under the grill, or in front of a fire.
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 10:41 pm (UTC)
Fire? Goodness. How romantic.
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:47 am (UTC)
I'll get her onto it straight away.
Lost property.[info]chiller on September 22nd, 2004 08:49 am (UTC)
But if you excise the "pan", how do you know whether a thing was shallow or deep fried? I mean, I can sort of see the point of "pan-fried".
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:51 am (UTC)
I've consulted the oracle, who says that frying is shallow frying, and deep frying is deep frying. I concur.
Lost property.[info]chiller on September 22nd, 2004 09:09 am (UTC)
That sounds sound.
เดวิดแอชบี (หมูแดง)[info]the_gold_pope on September 23rd, 2004 12:09 am (UTC)
It's literally sorted then.
Andy[info]saneprof on September 23rd, 2004 01:03 am (UTC)
Ummm, what about 'Pan-fried' as opposed to 'deep-fried'?

Not that I'd ever use the phrase 'pan-fried' though. To me, 'fried' means it was cooked in a frying-pan, and 'deep-fried' means it was either done in one of those electric deep-fat fryers, or else you bought it doen the chippy.

I think 'oven-baked' is probably just used to make the dish sound more homely, like it was made by your granny.
Andy[info]saneprof on September 23rd, 2004 01:05 am (UTC)
...and I've just ignored someone else who has already made this very point. Oops.
put the art in retarded[info]drasticsturgeon on September 22nd, 2004 08:39 am (UTC)
mmm *craves blancmange*
Lost property.[info]chiller on September 22nd, 2004 08:36 am (UTC)
OH! You've reminded me. The other thing he does that drives me batshit, is he says "actual".

"And then you baste the actual chicken."
"We're going to stir the actual sauce, and then literally pour it..."
vic[info]eyekiller on September 22nd, 2004 08:42 am (UTC)
IIRC my mate who is a makeup and hairdo person once had to prepare Mr Rhodes for a magazine shoot. She said he was very particular and wouldn't let her touch his hair because he "did it himself". Yes, you can tell.
[info]misspollydoodle on September 22nd, 2004 08:46 am (UTC)
I too have noticed this (not two weeks ago on Saturday kitchen) and said it out-loud and my other half called me a pedant and said I should leave Gary alone because I use the word 'toss' all the time (bunch of toss, load of toss, what a tosser etc)

But 'toss' is a much better word for using all over the place than 'literally' surely?
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 08:49 am (UTC)
Yes. Or both. "Literally toss the salad."
The Black Regent[info]g0ldt00th on September 22nd, 2004 05:00 pm (UTC)
Literally toss the actual salad, and sooner or later you will end up with some actual créme fraiche. Literally.
spoombung[info]spoombung on September 22nd, 2004 10:24 am (UTC)
And another thing; his habit of molesting the food into a tottering, pathetic tower in the middle of the plate with a 'dribble' of olive oil. More of a 'virtual' tower than a 'literal' one.

Save it for your f*cking hair, you c*nt!
.[info]class_worrier on September 22nd, 2004 11:50 am (UTC)
When Gazza first appeared on tv he spoke like a geezer but then Jamie (never performed in the musical) Oliver came along and was a more successful and annoying geezer-cook.
I wonder long it took Gary to refine his recruiting for The Jesus Army schtick?
scissorkicks[info]scissorkicks on September 22nd, 2004 04:12 pm (UTC)



Stir them rapidly!
Gary Robert Kelly: Woman in the Moon[info]besskeloid on September 22nd, 2004 06:40 pm (UTC)
Phwoar!
Rhodri Marsden[info]rhodri on September 22nd, 2004 10:42 pm (UTC)
I love that track, but I've lost it. What album is it from?
scissorkicks[info]scissorkicks on September 23rd, 2004 02:01 am (UTC)
Perfect Scrambled Eggs
(In case anyone is wondering, the track Rhodri and myself are referring to is "Perfect Scrambled Eggs" by Negativland).

It's literally not on an actual Negativland album. It's on a (great) compilation on Ralph Records called "Potatoes - a collection of folk songs". Also features Renaldo & The Loaf doing the old dockers folk song "Haul On The Bowline", Residents doing Hank Williams' "I Feel So Lonesome I Could Cry", and Mark Mothersbaugh's viciously humorous indictment of Akron Ohio "My Hometown".

It's probably long deleted, but I can happily send you the track.