| meh. |
|
|
| 09:41am 10/06/2006 |
| |
mood:  calm music: "Graveyard Picnic" by Voltaire
|
It has been forever since I updated this journal, but... I've not stopped having really bloody weird dreams of course Going to make an attempt to record this last one, and then I may go back and record the two from the night before that.
Just before I woke up (which wasn't that long ago), I had the following: I was at a beach house, seemingly with my family, like we used to do a long time ago, taking family trips together. I found out that there was going to be some event at which Voltaire (the singer, not the dead writer) planned to be there- at a community center at the beach. So, naturally, I got myself together, got all gothied up, and decided to head down there to see him. Walk in, and the community center is pretty packed, with people running all over the place. So I decide to wander around for awhile, talking to a few random people I meet (none of whom I knew, which is unusual for one of my dreams). Then, I decide to take a seat on the big black leather couch in front of the stage, and wait for V to show up.
I meet this girl, whom I seem to have quite a lot in common with, and we sat on the couch and talked for a while. Somewhat randomly, Jessica popped in (and now we have someone I know randomly showing up, which is normal for one of my dreams), and told me that she liked my outfit, but couldn't believe I had worn the shoes that I had with it. I asked her what I should have worn, and she told me white, because the pink sandals I was wearing didn't look good. I told her I didn't have any off-white shoes, but I had off-white, and that wouldn't work. She said she'd be right back, and left the community center, ostensibly to go get some shoes I could borrow.
I seem to completely ignore this as I turn back to the girl I was sitting with, and Voltaire and his band (definitely not the one he really uses) come in. They start off with... I honestly can't remember what song it was. It may have been "When You're Evil," but I can't say accurately that's what it was without feeling like I may just be projecting that onto the dream without it really happening. So yeah, they start singing, and everyone's having a lot of fun singing along, and really enjoying themselves.
Then, there's a brief break, and all of a sudden, they're doing this very mocking cover of Red Hot Chili Peppers' (cover) "Higher Ground." It involved Voltaire playing keyboard, which I don't believe he does, and the stage had changed to something larger. They played a very energetic cover, and then said they were going to take a break.
At that point, everyone was supposed to go to the cafeteria, where they were going to have lunch for us. So, I go, and start through the line- first, I see my great aunt, who is going to go sit down (somewhat odd, since my great aunt and that side of the family never went on family vacations with us). She goes to sit down, and then I run across my mother, who says something catty to me, and I say something equally rude back to her. Then, I meet up with my aunt, and we decide to go through the cafeteria line together. She picks up a tray, and I go back to find that there really aren't many trays left, so I pick up what I can. The spread I see on other people's plates is somewhat strange- it all looks good, but so messy, because everything is just strangled in sauce and gravy, which I note. The other foods I remember seeing... I remember seeing spaghetti, with tons of sauce, mashed potatoes, with tones of gravy, corn on the cob, submerged in water, and lima beans, submerged in water. I tell my aunt about what my mother said, and she says something to the effect of well, she's a bitch, she has to ruin everything for everyone, so don't pay any attention to her.
I suppose what's significant about this dream is that none of the people that I know personally are male. In fact, the only real male figure in the dream is Voltaire, and his band. Which I find somewhat odd, and I'm sure has some sort of symbolism, but I'm not sure what. As does the food being absolutely drowning in sauce or water, I'm sure, and the strife that my mother always seems to cause when she comes up in dreams.
A few weeks ago, I remember having another dream about my mother- I can't even remember the subject of it anymore, but I remember screaming at her a lot in it, and it was one of those dreams where the emotion that I feel is incredibly realistic. I was just screaming at her about something, and there was all of this cathartic rage bubbling forth, seeming to just spew out completely beyond my control. I woke up pretty emotionally exhausted from it, and felt like I'd been clenching my jaw so hard that it was going to break teeth (I have that feeling a lot, though, and I suspect that may be contributing to why me teeth hurt so much).
Anyways, that's all for right now, and I'll probably post about the other two later. |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| A Night Full of Weird |
|
|
| 09:05am 17/09/2005 |
| |
mood:  groggy music: "Invisible" by Institute feat. Gavin Rossdale
|
Right now, all I can remember are a few snippets. I don't remember their order, but I will write about them as I remember them.
-Fragment 1:
I remember living in this big, old house. It sort of resembled my paternal grandmother's old house, but only in a few scant details. The weather in this part of the dream was rainy, rainy, rainy. It seemed to always be raining, and there were big glass windows with nothing over them. The walls all seemed to be painted just flat white, and there was always just this feeling that rain was dripping off the outside of the house. No thunder, no noise, just dark gray sky and lots of oppressive rain. I can't remember anything to speak of outside, no notable scenery or anything. My mind right now is trying to fill in the landscape that was outside my grandmother's old house, but that wasn't really there in the dream as I remember it. This was a house I was still living in with my parents. I don't recall Thomas being there, except maybe in shadowy half-there moments. The big thing I remember is that I was taking care of our pets. I was looking for Juliet, and I couldn't find her anywhere. I felt frantic in the dream, and then I remember my father telling me that they had taken her down to the pawn shop and sold her. I got completely frantic, asking him where on earth he got off doing something like that, screaming, crying- desperate to have my dog back. He just stood there with this teensy little smirk on his face, and I remember hating him in the dream, loathing him as much as I possibly could, but just not able to stop crying. I couldn't believe they had sold my dog, who means so much to me (as she sits and stares at me pointedly from the couch *sigh*).
-Fragment 2:
This particular fragment involved me being "in school" only it wasn't any school I had seen. From the atmosphere, I gather that it was supposed to be high school, but I'm not entirely sure about that. Erica and I were sitting in a car with some guy- I have no clue who he was, and I don't remember his name, either. The car seemed to be something nice- a Corvette maybe? I couldn't see details well enough in this part of the dream to remember. We were sitting there talking to him, me in the passenger seat and Erica in the back, and him in the driver's seat when all of a sudden, the car just exploded. No rhyme, no reason, it just blew up. Erica and I were completely unharmed, but the guy was very definitely dead. All I remember from that is a bunch of screaming and crying and panic from a lot of people, as after that, the dream sort of descended into unbridled chaos.
-Fragment 3:
After this, there was another dream up at the 'high school' mentioned previously in this entry, where I sat and talked to Rachel. I can't even remember what we were talking about- it seemed mundane enough, since I can't remember what we were talking about. I was sitting with a bag of food in between my knees- lunch presumably- in the passenger seat of a car. Rachel had slid into the driver's seat. We chatted and chatted- it seemed like forever. I realized that I was missing a final exam, and then sort of shrugged it off, and figured I could make it up on the make-up days. Then, Rachel saw the burned out shell of the blown-up car sitting out in the parking lot, along with two checks that Erica and I had written him, sort of set up on the car's hood like they were something worth preserving (don't ask me). Rachel asked a question, and I sat and described for her how the car had just blown up, and he had died. The food somehow spilled over into the floorboard of the car, and I remember being rather irritated and upset by that. After that, I find it very difficult to remember any details, but what I do remember is just the feeling- I started to panic because I had missed my math exam, and was going to miss Meister's exam too if I didn't go talk to her about it. But I know that she wouldn't cut me any slack because I'd really been slacking off this time through high school. Then I remember feeling sort of trapped, and saying to myself 'I've already graduated high school, I don't need to be back here' but something kept telling me that I HAD to be back there... it was very bizarre.
I can't really string these together, other than a vague stream of nightmares. I would classify them all as nightmares despite their mundane setting, because they just seemed to leave me with such a crushed and oppressive feeling. That's one of the reasons I got up this morning- I didn't want to have any more stupid nightmares.
I guess that's it for this update. I wish I could remember more to maybe understand how these things are linked, but it was a stretch to remember anything at all.
Slainte,
Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Blankness |
|
|
| 01:01pm 25/08/2005 |
| |
mood:  busy music: n/a
|
I have nothing to write in this journal that is of note.
Though I dream, dream vividly some nights, all these things pass away when I open my eyes, and push the sleep out of my head for another day of class.
Perhaps I'm catching up on all those nights in which I didn't have the brainpower to get a good night's sleep. I thank school and a brand new apartment for that- a brand new apartment with little-to-no parental contact involved.
Yet, there is a certain sadness in not having dreams to record- dreams fascinate me. They are provocative, and interesting to dig into, like the best of novels.
Perhaps, once things get settled, I will have more of them to record.
Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Four scenes |
|
|
| 01:50pm 03/05/2005 |
| |
mood:  confused music: "From the Void" by Tarot
|
I don't know whether these four scenes are from four different dreams or not... I don't know how they were separated, or really what order they came in, but I'll do my best.
-The first parts of the dream involve me driving around some place that looks basically like Helena, but isn't quite the same- there are more railroad tracks, and a big park in the center of town, and the streets look more like New Orleans than Helena... Anyways, it's really not Helena, but my brain has decided that in this dream, it is. So, I'm driving around this place, and it actually looks pretty dismal, but as I go past the park, I notice that there's someone there I know (don't ask me how I know this). So I get out of the car, which has somehow transformed into a regular old bike, and run towards the park. Over in the corner, on a bench, I find Christi, whom I evidently haven't seen in quite some time. I get all excited and run over to her, and we start talking about how she's been doing since the last time I saw her and whatnot. So, we have a "reunion" of sorts, and then the scene changes.
-Next, we are at "Heather's house" hanging out with her after school. This isn't like any other house I've seen, and it certainly isn't her house, because I'd remember that well enough. It does sort of remind me of houses I've dreamed about before, though- big and painted white, has these big rooms with lots of light pouring in from the windows, and hardwood banisters and floors. So, she, Christi and I are hanging out, when all of a sudden, the tornado siren goes off (I seem to dream a lot about emergencies, don't I?). Heather has these animals all over her room- guinea pigs, rats, rabbits... so I put together a plan of action, barking orders at people to put the animals in certain cages and then run downstairs to the basement with them. So, Christi, Heather and I grab up about three or four animals each, and run down to the basement. That part of the dream stops there, though there is certainly at least one more scene of me "driving" around "Helena" on my bike.
-The next scene happens in Valley Elementary's old gym. At least I'm pretty sure it was Valley, because it was carpeted, in the same orange carpet that I remember covered Valley's gym floor. Oddly enough, this is a winterguard practice. Gary is the coach, and Beth, Sheila and Taylor are all there. I remember only bits and pieces about what was actually going on in the practice, like practicing on a white floor and doing drill spots with my sabre... other than that, what I remember most clearly is the end of the practice. Gary calls us all in for a meeting and decides that it needs to be a "Come to Jesus" meeting, and starts talking to us all, saying that he knows that Beth hates him, and they need to work on that. Then, all of a sudden, he turns to me, and says that they want me to talk to Sheila about the problems that I have with her, but every time they have tried to find me to do it, I'm not around. I solve this by completely unloading on her, just cussing her out and telling her how much of a bitch she is and how she ruins winterguard for everyone but herself. She starts crying, and for some reason, I feel quite vindicated, as I announce that I'm quitting because of her. The next part of this scene involves a cut to Sheila crying to Gary as I pick up my things to go- only this time, "things" involves picking up a large jug of colored pencils, and making a significant amount of noise that disturbs the conversation when I do so. And I remember thinking "I don't care!" when people started looking at me like I was rude.
-The next part that I remember is a total switch from the last part... this time, I'm hanging out with Thomas in a house that's evidently ours, but very much resembles Heather's real house... we decide that we're going to "play Diablo"... but for some reason, we evidently don't do that. Then, all of a sudden, I start hearing these screaming noises from the basement, and this really strange sound of rushing air. I look at Thomas and make this surprised face and tell him that there's a portal open in the basement. So, I open up the basement door and look down, and there's this giant portal, which looks like it leads into a mine-shaft. The two of us say "Ah, what the hell" and walk into the portal, and are transported (for some odd reason) into the game, as our characters. We start walking along, and this huge, disgusting looking worm-shaped beast comes upon us, with these nasty red tentacles dangling from its mouth. It roars, and the two of us start to fight it, but it kills Thomas in like one hit. He looks over at me, and says "It killed my guy, you have to kill it. Use your gun." So, I pull out this huge gun and just start unloading clips into the thing. It eventually falls at my feet, inches from my face, but it's roaring mouth is still open, and the red tentacles are still wriggling. I look helplessly at Thomas and say "is it dead?" and then he says "I don't know, you'll have to go inside it and look around. So, I cautiously step in its mouth (or get sucked in, it's hard to tell)... and I start walking down its throat. The insides are lit up, and the walls are sort of ridged, yellow, and circular. I'm walking along, like I'm in a mine, when I come to this whirring assembly line, which is making these tiny purple shrine-looking things that have the face of the worm. Evidently, in the game, they restore life, so I run over to one, and pick it up, then realize that I can only pick up the ones that are complete. I start running around the conveyor belts trying to get as many as I can, but that's before I realize that there are these strange squeaking sounds coming from within the beast. I look around, and surely enough, there's stuff running around inside it, and a giant tarantula looking spider (it actually looked more like a gregor) comes up to me and grabs me with two of its legs. I start struggling, but it seems to be helpless.
At this point, I dragged myself out of bed.
I don't think I'll be able to glean much meaning out of these. They're so disjointed that they don't seem to go together at all, yet they seem to form some coherent story, somehow. I know the first two are linked. Whether or not the second two are or not, I don't know. I don't know if the four of them all strung together make a story either.
These are all very confusing, and there has to be something that I can pull from the symbolism, but I don't even know where to start.
Frith,
Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| Disjointed Strangeness |
|
|
| 02:30pm 02/05/2005 |
| |
mood:  blah music: "From the Void" by Tarot
|
The coherent story of the following dream is very difficult for me to make out. What I do remember will probably just come out in jumbled up details that don't work together to make a full story. But nobody ever said dreams were normal.
-The setting was Europe... I remember distinctly flying over there on a packed non-commercial plane that was really small with tight aisles.
-One part involved going to "class" for something or other. Evidently, school was close to being out, because I remember sitting in a row of table-like desks with swivel chairs attached and when "class" was over, I started picking up things under the desk, and gathering them into a tub to take home. I also remember Heather (from high school) being there, and being pretty much snubbed by her, for some unknown reason.
-Another part of the dream involved a water park with these crazy slides that looped all around in a big circle. I remember going on them over and over again, and really having a lot of fun doing it, just grabbing more and more people and insisting that they come with me down the slide... I think this was the only part of the dream where I really felt comfortable and happy.
-(This is the weird part)... Another part involved Marco Hietala (bass player of Nightwish)... Evidently, part of this Europe trip involved hanging out with a bunch of fantasy metal bands at a big party. Incidentally, the party happened at my grandparents' old house, which I find a little odd, but hey, whatever. In any case, I remember having a few days to get to know these people, but none of them really stood out, save Marco, who I apparently really had a connection with. This one portion of the dream, at the party (at the close of the trip, evidently), Marco and I were hanging out, and he reached down and scooped me up in his arms. I remember laying my head on his shoulder and playing with his hair, and just feeling really safe. After awhile, though, he seemed to get really annoyed with me, so he took me outside to the patio, and set me on the brick wall that went around it, then started holding my hand as I walked around it. I could tell that he was irritated with me, but I couldn't understand why, especially since we'd had such a connection previously.
-The next part happened at the end of the party. I remember Rachel (W.) being there, and I remember her getting along really well with all the bands... then, we had to leave, evidently, and get to the airport, where we would board our planes to come home. Everyone started rushing for the woods (still at my grandparents' old house), where there was this flock of vans parked. I stepped up into one, but noticed it empty, and I started looking around, with this frantic look on my face. I turned to ask someone where the band was, and I remember someone else saying "Oh, they already left, Rachel's with them." In my own head, I felt like this was a really big injustice, and I wondered why I was getting snubbed for Rachel all the time, because I hadn't done anything but be nice, so I started wondering what was wrong with me. Then, Gary (my old guard instructor) jumped into the van to drive, and started barking instructions at people. I started asking where Taylor was, and nobody knew, but finally, she bolted into the van at the last minute, and turned around from the seat beside Gary to start talking to me.
-The last part was back at home (in my old house, no less)... I was standing outside with Thomas, who up until this point hadn't even been in the dream. I was holding on to the top post of this brick fence and trying to do a handstand to balance on it upside down (for some reason). I was just sort of screwing around, and then we started talking about Europe, and I shrugged and said "I guess I was being really irritating, or something." Thomas just nodded his head, but I remember feeling really upset that I had been such an idiot. I stopped playing on the fence post for a moment, and started going through my cell phone and all the numbers I had collected when in Europe (reflecting, for some odd reason, that the singer for Summoning had a really odd name. Strange thing is, I don't actually KNOW his name... anyway, I was standing there, and the phone beeped with a message from someone- I looked down and saw this name, but somehow, I knew that it was Marco, using his "real" name. I turned to Thomas with a surprised look on my face and said "I didn't know his last name was German!" Thomas nods, and then I press the button to connect (to what I don't know), and look at the message. Before I can connect, though, these totally random people run up and take my phone from me. I remember being confused as hell, and they start talking about how they're going to show me something and then they show me my phone, but it's in Cyrillic, and I can't read it. The people are all jumping up and down like it's something really important, but all I can do is stand there, Marco completely forgotten, and look at this Cyrillic text, completely baffled.
Then, I woke up.
The main feelings that I remember from this are a sort of innocence- I didn't honestly feel like I was doing anything to irritate anyone, I was just being myself, and I didn't understand why people would dislike me for it, because I thought I was a nice person. The other feeling is an isolation- I kept constantly getting snubbed and left out by people who mattered to me, so there was this constant feeling of loneliness, and frustration, because I didn't know what I was doing to make them act that way.
I haven't been able to entirely shake the feeling since I woke up, as it was rather powerful. But I have had the urge to listen to Tarot... haha.
Frith,
Katja |
|
| |
|
Read 7 - Post |
| |
| Louisville |
|
|
| 11:37am 18/03/2005 |
| |
mood:  apathetic music: "Pet" by A Perfect Circle
|
Yeah... so last night, I had what seemed to be a long and rather extended dream. I was supposedly in Louisville, but the setting reminded me more of New Orleans.
So... I was with my family, and we went to a restaurant, and I ended up meeting this guy who was working there, who happened to be really hot. I can't remember what happened, but we ended up talking, and really clicking. Then, after my family left, I decided to stay around, and we got to talking. He told me that he was in a band (I believe he played guitar, though I don't ever recall him saying so).
To make a long story short (since I don't remember many of the details), I met the whole band, and seemed to click with most of them. The first guy, whose name I seem to recall being Chip, was a really nice guy, and he and I talked and flirted all the time. The drummer was more "right up my alley" if you will, since I distinctly recall him having like bleached-blonde long braids, a lot of piercings, and a penchant for wearing a long wine-colored velvet coat. I believe his name was Ayric, or something strange like that. He was also pretty tall, and the two of us spent a lot of time together in the dream, and he was very touchy, always wanting to hold me, walk around with his arm around met, etc. The bassist was a different notion. I don't remember his name, but I remember him having brown hair that was just about shoulder length, pulled back into a pony-tail. He was a very good-looking guy, but kind of distant (as bass players tend to be, I notice). Yet still, he and I got along pretty well, and seemed to have "a thing" for one another. The fourth member though, while he was in the dream constantly there, I don't actually recall talking to face-to-face, it was almost as though he was just a side character.
So, I'm still in Louisville with my family, and apparently we had decided to stay for an indefinite period of time. I'm perfectly happy, getting to know these guys and spending a lot of time with them. It was almost like time-lapse photography the way it played out- I remember little bits and snapshots, but not the whole period, because it seemed like it was rather long. I remember, for example, not being able to "break through" to the bass player, but thinking "well, that's why they say you can only get along with guitarists and drummers, huh?" It was rather odd, considering that was something that I saw on a documentary about rock star daughters once, but that's really just an odd side note for all of you who give a crap about what Moon Zappa says, for some inexplicable reason.
I've spent most of my time with these guys in the dream, and my grandparents decide that they disapprove of this. It's almost like they saw me so incredibly happy, even hanging between three guys, essentially, that they didn't want me to stay around, so they told me, unexpectedly, that we would be leaving in a day or two.
Understandably, I freaked out. It seems as though their plan was to keep me from seeing the guys in the band before we left, but they didn't realize that Chip worked at the restaurant we went to regularly, so we all went in, and I managed to wrangle some alone time with him to tell him what was going on. Naturally, I was also freaking out, trying to find the rest of the band to tell them what was happening, especially Ayric, I remember, since I felt really close to him. So, I also randomly ran into Holly M. (which I suspect is logical for my brain, since she really DOES live in Louisville, even though this wasn't really Louisville).
She suggested that I get their addresses, and we also had a talk about how the bass player was a tough nut to crack, but that even though it bothered me that he was so isolated, he probably did like me/have feelings for me, whatever, just something stupid.
In any case, I managed to find Ayric too, and we exchanged the info that would keep us in contact... then I went back to wherever the family was staying. Chip ended up coming over, and the two of us slept curled up together that night, because I was really upset that I was going to have to leave him. He left early the next morning, but my mother burst into my room just after he left, bitching at me to get all my things together because we were leaving immediately. So, I started packing in a rather haphazard manner, just throwing everything together, and trying to make sure that I kept together the info to stay in contact with the band. My mother was being a real bitch to me, so I assumed that she had opened my door during the night and seen Chip in my room and assumed that we were sleeping together.
So, I'm really upset and trying not to cry, and I get all my stuff together before my parents drag me out of the house. We are at some sort of train station, almost, even though we're actually driving back home from Louisville, and Chip and Ayric actually show up. I run up to them, not caring what my family thinks, and tell them goodbye, hugging them for a long time each, especially Ayric, who seems a lot more upset than Chip does. Something weird happens, and my family starts to drag me away from them, and then when I get in the car, or get PUT in the car, rather, I start frantically scrabbling for my bag, thinking about the letters I'm going to write them about how much I miss them on the way home, even to the bassist, who didn't show up when I was leaving.
Then, I woke up.
There was also another rather odd dream that I had, although I don't know what this one was about, just that the end of it involved having pet dogs, and having to flee someone or something, I don't know what, along a set of rooftops at the end of the dream. There was a very frantic sense to it, and it also seemed to be set in New Orleans, but I don't THINK it was the same dream as the one I described above.
Nothing like weird ass dreams to disturb the rest of your day. I don't have any clue what either of those could have meant.
Frith,
Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Disturbances |
|
|
| 07:32am 11/03/2005 |
| |
mood:  cranky music: "Not Your Fairytale" by Sonata Arctica
|
More psychotic apocalyptic-style cataclysm dreams...
I never seem to be able to go very long without having one of these. This one involved an eighteen wheeler flying full-speed into a high-school gym that I had occupied only moments before... I woke up just as I started to sprint for the car to go get help.
My head does not want me to sleep well. Ever.
Katja |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Destroy |
|
|
| 10:15am 16/02/2005 |
| |
mood:  anxious music: "Ever Dream" by Nightwish
|
I have a few other little snippets that I am planning on writing down that are about some older dreams I've had... this time, though, I did have a rather vivid dream to write down from last night. The most vivid dreams I have seem to happen right before I wake up.
This time, I dreamed that Thomas and I were on our way to school. We were driving up 119 to get on the interstate, but for some reason, we decided that it was too clogged with traffic, so we turned to get onto 31 instead. We pulled onto the road, and as we drove a little ways down it, we saw that there was a pair of traffic lights that were blinking steadily yellow, and everyone was turning around in droves to go the other way. I looked to see what was going on, but I couldn't see a wreck or anything, so I was really confused. Then, the lights on the traffic light turned red, and I heard a voice coming out of a loudspeaker that was apparently somehow attached to the light.
I rolled down the car window to listen, and it was the mayor's voice, saying that there was an immediate meeting at City Hall. So, Thomas turns the car around, and we start driving in that general direction. There are lots of cars all over the place, and Thomas is driving incredibly fast and swerving around them if he can. We eventually get to the point where it's too clogged up to drive, so we park the car, and get out, to start going on our feet. There is a huge crowd of people, and for some reason, one of them happens to be Sue (my literary theory professor). So, we go over to Sue, and I tell her what's going on, and she tells me not to worry about coming to class, but to go handle whatever is going on.
Thomas and I run to City Hall, then, and into an auditorium for a meeting (which happens to look a lot like the auditorium at PHS, as City Hall also happened to look a lot like PHS). So, on the way there, we had passed a couple of buildings that were smoking, and I remember being terrified of whatever is going on. The mayor starts explaining that there was some sort of chemical accident, and the city has to be evacuated.
At this point, Thomas and I decide to leave the meeting early to go back to the house and get all the pets out to get out of the city before there is a rush. We get to the house, which has for some reason transformed into an apartment in this dream. So we run upstairs to the apartment, and my mother lets us in, telling us that she was in the middle of bathing one of the dogs when she heard the siren. As a side note, it was no dog I've ever seen, and I can't even remember what the dog's name was supposed to be.
Then, Thomas and I darted into the bedroom, and I started cramming things into a pair of bags to be taken with me. I'm rushing as fast as I can to get it all taken care of, and my mother is pressuring me too. I finally get it all packed, and then say that if Thomas will get our rabbit (which we do have), then I will get the hamsters. So, with my mother pouncing on my back the whole time to hurry, I dart into some other area of the apartment and pick up the hamster cage. The hamsters are awakened by all the jostling, and I look down into the cage to see their scared little faces.
So then we go outside, and there is some white foggy miasma swimming through the air. I get really scared, and then it starts to rain, just a few drops at a time. I remember looking up to see how clear the little droplets were, before I started running towards my mother's car.
The whole time, my mother is on my ass about not running fast enough, especially because we still have to go back to the house and get the dogs once we've packed everything into the car. I remember wondering how I'm going to fit the hamster cage into the car, and if I'll have to curl my legs up to sit on top of it. I'm filled with worry the whole time as I run through the parking lot of the apartment complex, looking for my mother's car. She tells me that she parked it closer to City Hall so she wouldn't have to walk to the meeting. I remember thinking how incredibly lazy she was, and then I duck my head and press on, running through the rain with the cage.
And that's when I woke up. Imagine my wonderful surprise when I hear the tornado testing siren going off outside my window.
Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| *gasp* |
|
|
| 10:49am 13/01/2005 |
| |
mood: confused music: "Creek Mary's Blood" by Nightwish (head music)
|
Yes, I know... it's rather shocking to see an update, isn't it?
Well, I'm going to attempt to describe what I dreamt about last night, since today seems a good day to do it, what with the rain and storms pressing down oppressively outside, so that it seems almost pitch dark here at eleven o'clock.
First of all, I've noticed a recurring motif in my waking life lately, that of the Procrustean bed. To explain a little, Procrustes was a Greek brigand who had a bed. He would ask travellers if they wanted to rest in it, and if they agreed, once they laid down, he would cut their legs off if they were too long for the bed, or stretch them to fit if they were too short. The use, in modern life, refers to trying to make something fit into a category that it doesn't necessarily fit into, by either deleting facts that would make it "too big" or stretching the facts to make it fit when it's clearly "too small." I've seen this recurring in readings for my classes not once or twice, but actually three times lately, and I found it a little odd. After a little thought, I seemed to get the impression that it was a message about my spirituality- "don't try too hard to fit yourself into something that's not right for you." The fact that I experienced this sign three times tells me that perhaps it's a message from the Celtic side of spirituality (since three is a sacred number in those sorts of faiths). However, the message was rather blunt as well, which leads me to perhaps think that it was from the Asatru side (since those are currently the two extremes I'm stuck in between). It warrants further exploration, certainly, and I suppose I'll post the updates here, since it doesn't really fit in any of my other journals.
As for my dreams, I've had real difficulty remembering anything of particular consequence about them lately. I'm going to try and actually sit down after I wake up every day and write down what I can remember- according to one of my English teachers this semester, that's the best way to get yourself to remember more details of your dreams.
Last nights dreams were very vague. I remember distinctly the idea of going to visit a relative who had a large stable/farm, and deciding that I wanted to ride one of the horses. So, I got on the horse to ride (I remember my mother being in the stable, but I don't remember any substantial reason that she was there). I rode off somewhere with someone else on a horse as well (I can't remember who this was). Our journey seemed to take a good while, and when we got there, the horses were tired, so we decided to let them rest (I seem to remember this being a New Orleans kind of setting, but again, I'm unsure). I got some sort of message from my great uncle (for some reason), who told me that I didn't have to ride back if the horse was misbehaving, or something to that effect. So, for that reason, I decided to ride the horse back (go figure?)... I tried to get on the horse, but the horse didn't like the saddle, so I ended up taking it off, and riding the horse back to the house bareback.
When I got back from the journey (the other rider had mysteriously disappeared), I rode into the house, which had inexplicably become one of my grandmother's old houses, one of the really big ones in the middle of suburbia, oddly enough. I remember riding through the kitchen and into the dining room, and seeing my great uncle and great aunt sitting at the table, and looking very shocked when I rode in bareback. Here's the odd part, though.... the horse was no longer a horse, but a rather large, wolfish looking dog, and I remember looking down and going wait! Am I hurting the dog?
So then, the dream ended because I rolled over and woke up. I have to say, this is one of the most confusing dreams that I've ever had. I'm wondering what's going on with all the family references, since these are people that I will likely never see again due to my mother's parents and sister being bat shit foo foo nutty and essentially cutting us off from their lives... I don't know, this seems to be a rather odd one to ponder. I don't even know where to start.
Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Uh... |
|
|
| 11:44am 27/11/2004 |
| |
mood: confused music: none
|
Okay.
Yesterday, I did a lot of heavy thinking about spirituality, and a lot of reading on the subject as well. I spent a good amount of time doing tarot card readings for people, and thinking about Asatru in general. After joining LJ's Asatruar community, I decided that I would try to 'ask,' if you will, that particular pantheon to somehow communicate with me in my dreams last night. Basically, I'm ready to make some kind of forward commitment to studying Asatru- something between me and the gods that shows them I am serious. So, I was waiting for some sort of sign as to whether or not that is the right thing.
As you can see from the complete dearth of entries in this journal, I don't often have dreams that I remember anymore. Last night was a big exception, as I had another one of those really long, really detailed dreams that include a whole lot of aspects, but unfortunately, don't make a whole lot of sense, altogether. What I've decided to do today is spend a little time working on this dream as I try to wake myself up. In the works are, of course, writing down all the important bits that I can remember, and trying to focus on the aspects that seemed important, or symbolic- i.e. the ones that seemed to mean something during the dream, no matter how consequential they seem now that I am awake. Then, I plan to grab this dream symbol book from downstairs and do a little research on what the most important symbols and themes mean. I also plan to do a tarot card reading- one of the simple past, present, future ones- about whether or not this dream has any particular relevance to what I was attempting. I don't know how that will go.
The first thing that I noticed about the dream was a heavy use of roads. The first part of the dream is very vague to me, save that it involved a good deal of driving. As for the setting, it was mainly Interstate 65. I'm used to that, right? The weird part was, although it was the familiar I65 that I'm used to driving on almost every day, there was something different about it. Around the Hoover part, there was some 'detour'- some other road that branched off of I65, that was called I20, but not the I20 that is in Birmingham. This was something completely new and different in the dream. The city and driving did seem a bit different, though- as though this was some huge city (almost like driving into New Orleans, though not quite that high up, OR that confusing!). The roads were sprawling, the interchanges vast- but for the entire first part of the dream, I just seemed to be driving, without going anywhere.
The second part involved actually getting where I was going. Thomas and I were in the car together, and we got a call that we were supposed to be up at school for a KKPsi project. So, we got into the car, and started driving up there, which involved passing under this complicated interchange for the I20 previously described. While we were on the way, we realized that we were both hungry, and wondered if we had time to stop for food, since we were already running late. We got off of the interstate, with me determined to stop and get Thomas some food. Birmingham looked rather different- more like Tuscaloosa than Birmingham, with a big, long, wide strip, on which everything was situated. But, instead of actually going to get some food, we either didn't actually make it to a food place, or the dream skipped that part.
The next thing I see is us arriving at "UAB" which was, of course, not at all like normal UAB. If I had to describe the way it looked, the place where we parked looked more like Pelham High School's parking lot than UAB's, and the school looked more like PHS as well, except modified. There was a rolling green grass yard out in front of it, groomed very nicely. The odd part was, right as you came in the parking lot, which we, for some reason, were walking into instead of driving, there was a large trampoline. At this point, we'd met up with our brothers somewhere, and there was some interest expressed in jumping on the trampoline, but we decided that we needed to wait until after we were done with our work for the day.
So, we go upstairs into the band room (which looks like a fairly accurate representation of Hulsey Center, only a little different). I don't have any clue what sort of task we were doing. I don't think it was particularly clear in the dream, and I don't remember any details now. I do remember, though, that Ms. Samuels came up while we were doing it, and everyone sort of fell into a frenzy of "Oh my God, everybody look busy, everybody do a good job!" type stuff. Historically, I don't get along well with Ms. Samuels, but this dream was a different case- for whatever reason, she decided to talk to me, and we were getting along rather famously. It came time for us to leave the building after we'd finished our work, and it was almost like Ms. Samuels had decided to walk out talking to me, we were getting along so well. It was sort of, at this point, transformed into an 'after band practice' thing, that was sort of reminiscent of all the chaos that used to go on before football games last year.
Somewhere, Erica comes into this dream, because all of a sudden, she's there, and we're talking. She's being her typical nutty self, of course, and most of our talking is done on the stairwell as we're descending to go out into the parking lot. We do some rather vague work in the parking lot. What it is, I honestly have no clue, because I can't remember any details of it at all. The next thing that happens, though, is that parents start arriving for some special function. Erica and I start out into the parking lot to find our parents. I find mine easily enough, and then Erica finds her parents (who WERE Ben and her mom, but not very descript)- and then she also gets excited and starts squealing about the 'new baby' coming along. I look into the backseat of the car, and sure enough, there's a new baby sitting back there, completely unexplained.
At that point, it really starts to look and feel like we're standing in a parking lot that's outside of a store, but that's just how the parking lot looks- like the one outside of Ellis Piano in Hooverstavia. This car pulls in that's believe it or not ON FIRE. As alarming as that is, none of us totally freak out, and the car never blows up. A few minutes later, though, these two strange-looking men (who seemed to be kind of swarthy, perhaps?) come up to our group, and Erica's parents and mine sort of look at them nervously. They start talking to them as though everything is totally normal, despite the fact that they just drove into the parking lot in a flaming car. Erica seems to totally disappear at this point, and I'm just... getting hopelessly bored, that's the best way I can describe it. So, for some reason, I remember that I have the ability to hover above the ground instead of standing on it. I start hovering, and spinning around in circles, very slowly, almost as though I am dancing except, of course, my feet aren't touching the ground. My parents and Erica (she's back for a moment) start looking at me like I'm being really strange, and I should stop doing what I'm doing before these strange men get totally violent on us. For what reason it was assumed they would GET violent... I'm lost.
The next thing that happens is this other guy arrives, whose name is Michael. He doesn't look like anyone that I recognize, and in fact, the details of his features aren't clear in the least, except to say that he's a little strange. The group goes over to the benches outside of the 'Hulsey Center' on the grass to sit and talk about things, as though we're deciding to assimilate these people into our lives, despite the fact that we don't know them, and they seem dangerous. Everything goes normally for awhile, except that everyone is seeming and acting really nervous around these people. Everyone seems to love Michael, but I find myself more scared of him than the two swarthy men.
All of a sudden, everything erupts. For some reason, at this point, my consciousness changes from out of my own head, into one of the swarthy men's head. Michael and the swarthy men start fighting- I believe that one of them pulled a gun on him, although it might have been vice versa. In any case, there's now a gun involved. The two swarthy men get up and start running across this long expanse of green lawn in the front of the school building, trying to get away from Michael. At some point, though, Michael catches up to them, and downs one of them in the grass, by tripping him or something. This, big shocker, is the one who I am all of a sudden portraying. There is an exchange of words, mostly from Michael, and all I can remember is laying on the ground panting. Then, Michael just lets off a round in my chest, and a couple more too. The last part consisted of him pointing the gun at my groin area and letting off about three rounds. The strange thing is, none of it hurts. I lay there for a second, amazed, and then snatch the gun out of Michael's hand, and jump to my feet.
"IT'S A BLANK!" I scream, and then start running back towards the gathering of people at the side of the building. I seem to have some perception that they give a rat's ass about me- although if I'm one of the swarthy men, I don't see how that could be true, since they were afraid of both of them at first. It's unclear whether I am STILL that swarthy man, or whether I'm myself again, although I AM wearing a rather snazzy pair of black dress pants. Anyways, I start running back towards the building, with Michael chasing me. I make it around the side, waving the fake gun in my hand, and people seem to sort of shake their heads, as though they knew some stupid crap like this would happen all along.
I have no perception of how the dream ended. In fact, it didn't end, because I woke up at this point, realized that it was kind of late, and decided that I definitely needed to write that dream down before I forgot most of its details.
As for the prominent imagery, the imagery that I feel I need to concentrate on in order to figure out this dream, I would have to say that the first big one is the image of roads, or travel. There was never any real sense of getting where I was going, though- it was more of traveling without an end. The main thing in the dream that seemed important was that new chunk of highway that was named I20. My curiousity about it seemed to be unending. I couldn't get it off my head in the dream, thinking about that new chunk of highway, and where it might go, although I do not recall ever driving on it in the dream.
I would say that the fact that the dream occurred in a 'normal' or 'typical' setting for me (I65 and UAB) suggests that I as focusing on my life as it is now. The facts that certain things were different, and seemed more grandiose (such as highway size, and the definite improvement on Hulsey Center's looks) suggest that I am looking for something more, or perhaps I am hoping that expanding into this spiritual path will expand my perception of the world around me, and in general, improve my interaction and understanding of the world I live in.
Another thing that seemed rather important at the time was the whole resolution of conflict with Ms. Samuels. I'm not sure what it was- in the dream, I remember being nervous about talking to her, but that's nothing new, considering what a monumental bitch she is to just about EVERYONE who's not on her good side. I remember being shocked that communications were open now, but definitely not wanting to question it, as it meant no more of that worrying about whether or not band things would be okay due to Ms. Samuels dislike of me.
The third thing that seems prominent upon this examination is 'strangers' or unknown people, to be more precise. The people around me, as well as me, seemed to accept them as just part of our world, and they took on a starring role in the last part of the dream, to the exclusion of the people that I knew, who were already in it, such as Thomas, all my KKPsi brothers, Ms. Samuels, Erica, her parents, my parents, and the mystical 'new baby.' They were more important than us.
Another thing I'd like to look into at least a little bit is the 'new baby' imagery. For the most part, it did not seem very significant in the dream, but it might hold a key to figuring this out, so I'm not going to neglect checking it out.
One of the other things that seems incredibly important is the gun symbol. For those of you who haven't read most of the entries in this journal, I dream about guns an AWFUL lot, whether it be guns and cannons and bombs in warfare, guns in killing sprees, or guns such as this one, that were fake and didn't harm me. I also dream about getting shot and getting shot AT a lot, so I might try to check that out too. Strangely, the fact that I got 'shot' at UAB brings up another important element- I had a dream, not too long ago, about being stalked by a psycho killer with a gun at UAB (which I will try to write down in a backdated entry some time today)... For whatever reason, guns and UAB seem to have some connection in my dreams. In this case, since I believe that school represents the world that I know as well as my new perceived reception of it, I might want to check out gun symbolism as applied to that.
In any case, this dream seems like it will be a lot to unravel. As I said, I'm going to look up some of the symbolism in it, as well as doing a tarot card reading on its relevance towards the issue that I was hoping to dream about (Asatru, and making a formal dedication to studying the faith).
All in all, this dream was really weird, and slightly disconcerting. But.. I guess that's what dreams ARE. In any case, I feel like the reason that I am so disconcerted by this dream is that there is a lesson I need to take from it. If it weren't so disturbing, I wouldn't remember it, and thus, wouldn't get anything out of it.
A long entry for an exceedingly strange dream... more to come, as I said, so check out the comments if you want to see where I go with my evaluation of this.
Katja |
|
| |
|
Read 7 - Post |
| |
| Ugh |
|
|
| 10:39am 27/09/2004 |
| |
mood: cranky music: none
|
So for the first time in a while, I actually had a dream again. I don't know why I've just been missing out on them, but for whatever reason, they're back. Lucky me. I would definitely classify this one as a nightmare. Here is what I can remember. Please excuse the writing if it's a bit groggy- I'm just out of bed.
I don't remember how the dream started, except for a vague little scene of Tommy and I going to school. Then, I was in some sort of facsimile of my old neighborhood, mixed with the one that I live in now... And for some reason, I was still just out of high school, and commencement had just happened, but there was still something else that I had to go do before I could be officially out of high school (some sort of exam, I don't really remember what it was).
From there, it somehow turned into me and Tommy both being back in college, and after a day of school, I was getting ready to go to some family thing that night, where I would have to drive out into the middle of nowhere. For some reason, someone took Juliet (the dog) early. We packed up a bunch of stuff and started driving, as my parents told me about all the sights. We were on our way to a cousin's house or something- a cousin who lived out in the middle of nowhere and went to a Christian school. We passed all this weird stuff, like a sprawling high school,and a big, spired Christian school, and a town fair with horses. And then we parked, seemingly just in some random place in the town, and Juliet showed up out of nowhere. So, we got ready to go in.
We start pulling all these things out of the car to haul in- for some reason, there are a lot of my personal items there as well. So we start taking them all in, one armload at a time. We don't see anyone on the way in, but then all of a sudden, this woman in full traditional Indian (India Indian) garb comes out of the house, looking unhappy to see us. She tells us that she's not going to talk to any of us because all three of us scared the little children who were digging the graves (?!?). I got rather vehemently angry and told her insistently that I didn't do anything, and she just turned around like she only halfway believed me and said that the rest of the family would be ignoring us too before she stalked into the house.
So, we start taking things into the house, and sure enough, no one in the entire family is talking to us. I'm starting to get pretty angry, and all I can think about doing is going home to Tommy. I start telling my parents that it's stupid for us to stay around, but my mother keeps pushing for us to, and telling me that we can't leave. What finally pushes us her over the edge is someone from the family (although I don't know who it was- it was a kid who looked to be around the ages of 10-13) walking through the room and completely ignoring us. She tells me to start getting my things together because we're leaving, and I'm very happy that we are.
My parents start taking things back out to the car, while I gather up handfuls of my wrestling signs, which I brought for some reason. So once I finally get them all gathered up, I get them in hand and start walking out of the house. When I get out the front door, there's all of a sudden this huge deck above my head, and my family is all around, even my extended family (like cousins) from Montgomery. Someone says something very nasty to us, and I turn around and just keep walking towards the car. I put the first load in the car and come back.
At this point, my grandmother asks us if we're ready to eat, and I start saying "No, no, no, no." In a very pissed off tone. So, I go back in the house to gather up the rest of what we brought, and they are sitting at the dinner table, passing food around. My uncle says something rude to me, and I just get really pissed off and start asking them why they're mad at ME because I didn't do anything. Nobody gives me a very good answer. My uncle finally just says to nevermind it, and starts eating again.
I say something like "this is ridiculous" and then my grandmother says "it has to be this way." At that point, I get furious, and start screaming at her about how it doesn't. My aunt looks like she's about to start screaming at me too, and I start getting frustrated and crying because they just don't understand, and I don't understand why they're being so hateful.
So yeah, I woke up crying. And it was very unpleasant.
At some point in the dream, I became conscious (in my waking person) that I was dreaming. So it was sort of like watching a movie and rooting for myself. Or maybe like being half-asleep but still dreaming. It was weird.
I also had the sense that it was just this whole encompassing world. I just wanted to get back home to Tommy the whole time, because I wanted to spend some time with him before we had to go to school the next day (which is ironic, since I DO have to go to school tomorrow).
It was really disturbing, because I was really FEELING the emotions of the fight... and I hated it. I do not understand at all why I had this dream, but I am still trying to shake it off so that I can actually get something done today.
Katya |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| I want to heal... |
|
|
| 01:55pm 11/09/2004 |
| |
mood: aggravated music: "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park
|
Okay, so I don't know what is up with my head...
but I can't remember my dreams right now.
I used to be able to wake up and have them in my head, but it's just not happening right now, and to be honest, I'm not quite sure why. But that's okay. I have my periods of remembering and not remembering.
About a week ago, though, I had another sort of post-apocalyptic war dream again, and woke up shaking, in a terrible mood. I hate those dreams. Hate them with every fiber of my being. And yet they continue to torment me periodically... I would ask why I'm having them, or when they'll stop, but I suppose they'll stop when humanity stops finding it necessary to kill one another in more and more vicious ways. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| No matter where you are, I can still hear you when you dream |
|
|
| 11:33am 01/09/2004 |
| |
mood: puzzled music: "May This Be Love" by Jimi Hendrix
|
I don't write in this very often, do I? I don't write in my other journal very often either, but you'd think that this one would be different... wouldn't you? In any case, it appears that no one is going to read this journal, so I suppose that this means I have the freedom to do and say what I want with it. I haven't had many dreams lately, but I had one last night that was fairly vivid, and also fairly weird...
The details are a bit sketchy, so I will try to remember what I can... There was a fairly large cast of characters in this dream (Tyler, AJ W, Adam, Holly M, and Kevin, as I can remember at the moment... but there were more).
The first part that I remember is of driving, through an area that starts off looking like one of the big hills in Chandalar. I can't remember who I'm in the car with, but I just know that I'm not driving, and it's at night... we are careening down this hill, and then we slide through a sharp curve, barely managing to avoid slamming into someone else... it doesn't make much sense to me, and these details are actually pretty sketchy, I just remember that I was slightly frightened/disturbed, and we may have been trying to run from someone.
After this, there is some odd mall setting, where I'm standing there with Tommy in front of a little vending machine that's like one of those claw thingies that they have at Walmart. As an aside, those things are really fucking macabre, aren't they? I just imagine those poor little stuffed animals screeching when the claw comes down and grabs them.. Anyway. So, we're standing there, and Tommy decides he wants to play, and ends up pulling out this nifty looking unicorn with a multi-colored mane, which he gives to me (I collect unicorns, yes, I'm nutty). Then, some guy comes up, and asks us some question about college, and one or the other of us brings up KKPsi... and for some reason, like the rest of the fraternity shows up at that exact moment, and not to mention that... starts acting REALLY annoying. It's sort of telling, I suppose, but they start singing the fraternity hymn, and Tommy and I just turn our backs and run away without saying a word to them.
The next part that I remember was in a really nice natural setting that seemed somewhat like a camp. At this point, Adam was in the dream... I was hanging out with him, and seem to remember having totally fallen for him (being in love with someone I can't have is a recurring theme in my dreams, it seems). The best that I can remember is being in his company, and wishing we could be together, and knowing that he wanted to be together too, but something was just keeping it from happening. From there, it kind of turned into some incredibly odd music performance that we were all supposed to be getting ready for... like a choir performance, but there were musical instruments involved too (hence why Adam was there, apparently). We realize that we're going to miss the bus, and it starts to rain on this lovely natural setting... Adam and I start running for the bus, and suddenly Holly and Tyler appear in the dream, urging both of us to hurry up, so we start running.... Somewhere in there, Adam gets lost from the group, and it's just me chasing Holly and Tyler... we finally get to the bus, and I look around, and Adam's gone. In the background, I hear someone playing "Scotland the Brave," and it's like out of nowhere, this sense of grief descends on me, like Adam is dead or something, and the song somehow signifies it. But, I climb on the bus, looking for a spot, and there's no room... thus where I run into AJ W and Kevin... who are sharing a seat, but have put their bags in the seat in front of them. I ask them to move their things, and they do, Kevin rolling his eyes as he does it... I seem to remember some sort of thought (Inside THEIR heads, no less)... that I was just 'mourning' and was drab and uninteresting...
It was at that point that I woke up. I'm not sure exactly how all these scenes are interconnected, or even IF they are, but they all do involve people that I am familiar with, so maybe they are connected. In any case, this set was rather strange... I wish I could remember more detail, but I haven't written in this journal in a while, so it's a little difficult to keep remembering these things.
Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| Sanguine Addiction |
|
|
| 12:39pm 24/07/2004 |
| |
mood: confused music: n/a
|
Okay... it's been awhile since I've written here, but I've really been having trouble remembering my dreams lately. Last night was an exception, and this dream is one that I kept waking up in the middle of- for the first time, I was actually able to go to sleep and continue a dream that I had woken up from. I'll try to remember it as best as I can, but the beginning details of it are a little fuzzy.
This dream seems to do almost entirely with Tyler, once again. So... The first part is on a large wooden deck. This isn't any wooden deck that I'm very familiar with, but it is a sort of mahogany color, and covers a very large area. It seems to be looking out into a wooded area, and the rain is pouring down heavily. Everywhere, I can see it beading up on the deck and falling out of the sky. A hot tub sits in the corner of the deck, and rain even drips into the water there, because there is no cover on it. Tyler and I are standing on the deck, and I'm looking up at him. He has his fingers interlaced with mine, and I'm just looking up at him- no conversation, no real action, just standing there. We both seem to be entirely unaffected by the fact that it's raining, and are, in fact, actually ignoring it. After a moment, we go to a screened in area of the porch, and I sit down to talk to him. We talk about how I'm going to help him promote his band, and he seems to be cool with my ideas, and even really eager about them. He still seems flirtatious- not even flirtatious, because it's not playful, it's like he spilled out some totally deep feelings to me, that's how we're acting, although I never heard that part of the dream. So then, that part of the dream fades out.
The next scene is in a school classroom. I'm not even entirely sure what class we're in, but we are all taking notes, but then, for some reason, the teacher jumps down my throat for not taking notes. I get kind of pissed, understandably so, I think, because the teacher was one of my favorites, and I didn't think it was fair for her to act like that, or something comparable. So, I leave the classroom kind of pissed off, as are my friends who are there (there were a couple, the only one of whom I remember is Lisa). Then, I go into the next classroom, which is seemingly supposed to be my math class for the day, and Tyler shows up again. He starts talking to me about this idea that he had for promoting their band, and for some odd reason, he starts calling me "Kit." He suggests that I kind of use my own image to promote the band with some sort of contest, and then I tell him that's a bad idea, because Tommy will be seriously pissed about it. Now... Tommy hadn't even figured into this dream before. Not as in, I was dating him but wasn't paying attention, not as in I wasn't dating him but he was around, but as in I wasn't dating him, hadn't EVER been dating him, and he wasn't even a part of the dream, until this moment. Tyler says something to the effect of he's joking, and I nod, then sit down for my class, and the next part of the dream fades out.
The next portion is after the school bell rings for us to get out of classes for the day (yes, this is back in high school). So, I get up, and see Tyler walking out the door, catch up to him, and we start talking. The longer we talk, the more my hopes rise that he will come hang out with me after school, or "be true about his feelings," which seems to be something that I have been pushing for the entire dream. We're hanging out and talking, and then all of a sudden, he darts off to go talk to this other girl and flirt with her, basically completely ditching me. I get really pissed off, roll my eyes, and walk along by myself. AJ comes up to talk to me for a little bit, so I chat with him. He asks me why I'm limping, and I tell him it's because my knee hurts. From there, that part of the dream fades out a bit, and picks up in a new scene.
The next scene is sort of like a stadium scene- it reminds me of Legion Field, only not near as big, and with dirt ground instead of concrete. There, I see Tami, who is all dressed up in a softball player's uniform. It strikes me that she doesn't actually PLAY softball, but she's dressed up that way because she's the manager. I see her, yell out her name and dart across the stadium floor to talk to her about what's been going on with him. She looks hurried because the game is about to start and she has to be out there, but I start into the story nonetheless and start telling her about how pissed off I am that Tyler has been leading me on. Then, this scene fades off.
The next scene is actually pretty shady as to how it came about, but I'm in the bedroom, waking up from a nap. So, I get up, and go to the computer, to check AOL, which I've left on. There are instant messages from Tyler there, about him talking first of all about promoting his band... Then he starts talking about how lonely he is and how he wants to hang out, and THEN about how there's been a wedding that particular day, and the afterparty has started, and he wants to come over, even though he likes weddings. He also sent a picture (through direct connect) of him hanging out with the people that he had ditched me for the day before. Now, for some reason, I'm entirely cool with him coming over and hanging out, and even excited about it, so I tell him it's cool.
After awhile, for some reason, we end up hanging out in the bedroom. He lays down on the bed, and I crawl up next to him. He pulls me close, and-- this is where the dream gets weird-- he starts to drift off to sleep... and I... start cackling under my breath about how now that he's in my clutches I can turn him into a vampire!!!
So yes... That's my last dream. I woke up in between a few parts of it, which is why it's so disjointed, I think, but somehow, I managed to keep having it. I wanted to continue until I found out what happened, but I just didn't have the patience for it, not after it had gotten THAT weird.
~Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| O_O |
|
|
| 10:48pm 15/07/2004 |
| |
mood: anxious music: n/a
|
Short update tonight... I couldn't remember many details when I woke up this morning... just remember another apocalyptic war scene- this time, just children... It was some sort of war-torn former village, and hails of bullets were raining down on these screaming children, from god knows where... didn't see any soldiers, or guns, or cannons, or planes, or places where it could be coming from... but there was just the stink of death, everywhere.
It was fucked up, to say the least.
I'm starting to really question why I have these dreams all the time. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Meh |
|
|
| 03:53pm 14/07/2004 |
| |
mood: anxious music: n/a
|
It's been a couple of days since I've updated, but I have some dream details that are still fairly fresh in my head.
Monday night:
I had about four dreams Monday night, but I can only remember the first one and the last one.
The first one started in a scene of my house. I was lying on the bed in the master bedroom, but I was lying on it sideways, with my legs hanging off and everything. I look next to me, and instead of it being Tommy, it's one of the guys that I was on winter guard with, dressed in women's lingerie no less. So, I'm all cool with this, like it's very normal for him to be lying next to me. I'm waiting for Tommy, though, and I get up the next day upset because he didn't show. So, I talk to him on the internet, and he's like furious at me and said that he was coming home, but he saw someone else's car parked on the side of the house. I look all upset, and tell him that it's "Jimmy" (who is actually this character on DeGrassi, that looks kind of like the guy it actually was in my dream). He gets really mad at me, and I beg him to not be upset, and tell him to meet me at Winn Dixie. So, we go to meet him, and Tommy goes into the store, but then the store closes all its doors because someone died inside it. So, I'm frantically scrabbling to get inside the store, and they bring this body out on a matress covered with a blanket. The man's family is there to pick him up, and they have like no reaction whatsoever, but they strap the body to this arm like thing that hangs over the front of their van like it's a garbage truck and drive off with him strapped to it. Then, the dream ends abruptly, with all of us just standing there, watching them drive off- no resolution to the problem whatsoever.
The second and third dreams in this series I remember being vivid, and I remember going over the details in my head each time I woke up afterwards, but I can't remember them now, and when I woke up for the day, I had absolutely no memory of them.
The last dream... the details are a bit hazy. It involved me being in winter guard again, and us being in heavy practices. I remember being friends with Tyler in this dream, and I kept calling him and calling him, trying to get him to come to one of our competitions... he kept promising that he would try to, but I remember thinking that he would never come. The relationship that I had with him was kind of ambiguous- at times, it was mutually flirtish, but then at times, it was like one or the other of us was distant. I remember being really upset about his lack of commitment one way or the other in the dream. The only really clear detail was a practice I was at where he showed up- I ran up to talk to him, gave him a hug and everything and practically begged him to come see a show, told him I would be furious if he didn't come, and I got sort of a non-committal answer, which seems typical. The details got shady, but I remember making him promise that he would come, then running back into line to practice- with teammates who were actually highly nondescript... Tyler was walking away, some sort of snotty smirk on his face, when I woke up.
Odd dreams, both of them. I also remember having dreams last night, but as I had taken a Lortab, none of them are very clear. Now... To take a test. Blech
~Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| Recurring Dream |
|
|
| 10:54am 12/07/2004 |
| |
mood:  contemplative music: "Spybreak" by The Propellorheads
|
I thought I might as well notate this dream here, since it was a recurring one that I used to have all the time.
I remember that this dream always happened in black and white and shades of gray- nothing about it was ever in color.
My futon was ligned up in the room so that it was flush against the same wall the door was in. I would always be in a restful state of sleep, on my stomach, which is how I used to sleep all the time. I wasn't ever in my body- I was always watching from across the room.
The door of the room opens, perfectly silently- in fact, everything in this dream is perfectly silent. This unknown person comes in, a knife in hand, and I see myself getting stabbed violently in the back and killed- although I don't make a move at all. In fact, I just lie there, and die, without any struggle, any screaming, even any movement.
I later came to the conclusion that the person killing me was Jessi, and since I have ceased to have her in my life, I've ceased having the dream. I'm not sure what that whole thing was about, but eventually, I guess I'll figure it out.. I hope I will anyway.
Oh well... off to wake up Thomas!
~Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| Deep in the bosom of the gentle night |
|
|
| 10:25am 12/07/2004 |
| |
mood: confused music: "Battle Flag" by Lo Fidelity All Stars
|
The dream that I had right before I woke up seemed to be more of a character collage than anything, but I will try to remember the parts that I can pick up.
The first part of the dream was a band camp scene at Pelham- the first part is shady, but it involved some sort of colorguard something or other. The second part is a little clearer and was some sort of 'event' at Pelham... in the top parking lot, there was this huge awning type area set up that kind of reminded me of the barbecue in Dallas, although not exactly the same as what was going on there... I remember Tommy being there, and Adam too, perplexingly enough. The two of them were hanging out together, and it was about lunchtime, and I remember seeing Jessi (Carrie with her, but I guess there's a reason for that). So I talked to Jessi about going to City Stages, or something or other, and she seemed rather skeptical (in other words, true to her character). She was really sort of bitchy so I decided that I was going to go find Tommy. For some reason, it took me forever to walk back to the band room, and when I found Tommy, we were concerned about whether or not we had enough money to eat, so we were counting what was in his wallet. Perplexingly, it was actually quite a lot of money, but for some reason we decided that we didn't have enough to eat.
The second part of the dream involved the same sorts of characters, only we were getting ready to go on some sort of hiking trip in the west, like mesa territory or something. So, I'm getting ready to go, and for some reason, there's this great emphasis on making myself look good. I'm running around trying to get ready, and then Tami calls on the phone- it's been a long time since I've talked to her, or something, and everyone is really amazed that she calls, but I remember being happy. So, I talk to her for awhile, and then Tami's mom gets on the phone, saying she wants to talk to my mom. So, I go downstairs and give the phone to my mom (this is actually in my old house, for some reason) and I distinctly remember her calling Tami's mom by the wrong name (the right name in this dream is "Faye" for some reason). I remember myself consciously correcting her in my head, but not being too worried about it and dashing upstairs to continue getting ready. I finally find what I want to wear, decide that it's cute enough and I'm getting ready. The scene switches again.
This time, it's Kristen, also getting ready to go and cleaning out her purse before she goes. Inside it is a little pipe, which looks nothing at all like a pipe that you use to smoke weed, but for some reason, in my dream, that's exactly what it was for. Kristen was holding it for someone, and then all of a sudden, there are these two guys in the dream that she hangs out with (who are twins, and who remarkably, look exactly like Daniel Johns). They convince her that it's no big deal, and they all start smoking up.
Then, there's this sort of "wrap up" thing, which FEELS like it's me awake and rationalizing things...
I see how Kristen and the two Daniel Johns guys end up stoned all the time, and basically like most of the people I graduated with... shiftless potheads who only think about when they can get high next.
Then, there's this moment where I think about what I was wearing, and how I could have made it "look better."
And then, somehow, I struggled into lucidity, and woke up. My dreams all seem to end like that- they kind of stop in the middle of themselves, and end with me struggling into awakeness. I'm a little confused about this one... since it used real people who all used to be in my life, I'm not exactly sure what's going on with it... but boy is it confusing as hell.
Hopefully, insights later. I'm about to go add a comment to my first entry.
~Kat |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| Her love is queued up in the hallway- I heard him scratching at the door |
|
|
| 09:46am 11/07/2004 |
| |
mood: contemplative music: "My Will" by Dream (Inuyasha end theme #1)
|
This is a little departure from the norm- I have a regular journal, but I want to keep a journal of my dreams. I have a hard enough time remembering them that it's a pretty big deal when I do have one, much less a vivid one with lots of details.
That said, here is the dream which motivated this journal, which I actually had twice, once right after the other.
The scene opens at night, in some huge mansion-type place. Its decor is actually more that of a castle than it is a mansion, but the house isn't made out of stone or anything. I am in the kitchen of the place, which has a large picture window. In this case, there is absolutely nothing to be seen out the window, as it's apparently in the dead of night. Seated at the table, strangely enough, is Dante (one of the characters I've created for my e-fed), and this woman that I have never seen before, who is dressed in all black, with wild black hair and wild eyes. The woman stands up, and pulls that little Practical Magic trick where you blow on the wick of the candle and it lights up, except she stands up and does it to this huge iron chandelier that's hanging above the table, and then the fire runs down an iron line from the chandelier that spirals off to somewhere that I don't see. She did it kind of suddenly, and everyone seemed surprised, except Dante of course, who just sits there with his arms crossed over his chest watching. Then, for some reason, my grandmother appears, extremely pissed off about the whole thing, screaming at me about there being witches there, and demanding to know if I'm a witch too- at which point, Dante and the woman both look at me, and I get this sharp message in my mind- "TELL THE TRUTH." I tell her the truth (that I am), and a huge screaming fight breaks loose.
From that point, the first telling of the dream kind of disentegrates. All I remember is running around the mansion, which is all in tones of black. The layout is similar to that of my grandmother's house, but the furnishings aren't anything like the real thing. A sense of foreboding follows me as I run, but I don't particularly feel like I'm running FROM something... just running.
After that, the dream starts over for the second time... It begins in much the same way, except if memory serves me correctly, I don't believe Dante is present this time. The dream starts with the woman blowing the chandelier into flames again, but there is no screaming reaction this time. Someone notifies us all that it's going to snow, and we run outside to look- this time, Dante's there, as well as the woman, and we are all looking out over a huge mountain landscape that is stunning. Then, it starts to snow, sort of swirling down from the skies
From there, the woman and Dante sort of disappear from the dream, and what I'm left with is my family. Somehow, this has turned into an emergency, so we're trying to ready ourselves for it. My grandparents are there, though I don't believe my parents are, and then there's a "little brother"- someone I've never seen in my life, but apparently just another invention. He's a fairly small child, who actually looks nothing like me, or my nationality in the slightest. We go into the basement of the mansion, and start trying to get ready for the storm.
The details of the actual storm are shady, but eventually, the dream turns into some freaky post-apocalyptic war scene, like a lot of dreams I am prone to have. All of a sudden, I'm running from the war with my "little brother." We get into the town from the mountain, and the town, for some reason, has no snow whatsoever. There is craziness going on, and all of a sudden, my "little brother" starts screaming, because he's been hurt. I realize that I need to take him to the hospital, so I stoop down to pick him up on my back, and realize that I'm hurt too- I'm crying out in pain because my wrist hurts, and I don't know why. I start running down the street carrying him (the streets which look sort of like a combination of New Orleans and some random small town)... then suddenly, I run into this guy that I went to high school with, who's talking to me as though everything is perfectly normal, and I run past my parents on the street as well.
The details are kind of fuzzy until I get to the hospital with my brother, who is suddenly gone. I hold my wrist to me, crying in pain, and somehow, I know I'll lose my hand if I don't get it operated on. Finally, I find a doctor, who says he needs to cut my wrist open and push a nerve back into place. He grabs my wrist and starts to do it with this X-acto knife looking thingy. I jerk my hand away, and he puts some sort of local anesthesia on it, then tells me that it will hurt a little, and starts making a cut across my wrist, then one down it, and another across, creating a flap of skin that he can pull back... It must have been about three inches long, and I looked down at my skin as he did it, watching the blood start to ooze out, in god awful amounts of pain...
And then I woke up. In pain, actually. I jerked my wrist towards me and stared at it, because it hurt like hell, and the nerves in it were actually tingling.. I don't know why, but it really, really hurt. I hate it when that happens...
Anyways, I may comment to myself posting some insights, but I really don't expect this journal to be read much, so I don't suppose it matters.
~Kat |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
revesdesdamne's journal