Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Welcome to EOS' Resident Cynic, Kate Brown's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 25th, 2003
2:13 pm	Thought I would wander over from Pine Valley and do this week’s spoilers while Katrina recovers from her GH adventures. Thanks to Soap Gal at the Llanview Banner site for sharing these spoilers with us Llanview Banner Dorian is successful in stealing the Badrah necklace from Walker's penthouse. Isn’t it amazing how everyone in Llanview has housebreaking/safe cracking skills? In fact they are much better felons than the professionals they hire. (After all, has there ever been a competent hit man in Llanview?) Starr is angry and upset when she walks in on Walker and Blair in an embrace. I guess Starr should have been more specific when allowing Walker to date Blair: “You may spend time with my mother, but you may not touch her.” On Tuesday, August 26, Walker shares a shocking truth with Starr that he is really her dad – then swears her to secrecy. I hope Starr has two trust funds: one for college and one for therapy. And in an interesting turn of events: emboldened by Todd’s courage in telling the truth, Rex comes forward and admits that before his surgery he was Tina Lord Roberts. (C’mon you cannot convince me the possibility never crosses your mind, especially when Rex is flirting. He’s Tina alright.) Kevin is stunned when the P.I. he hired informs him that Walker had major reconstructive surgery within the last year, and doesn’t seem to have any fingerprints. Wouldn’t it be more shocking to discover that Walker had massive surgery without insurance? Kevin discovers Walker is a fraud and that the real Walker Laurence is living in Atlantic City. Has Mysterio hypnotized the real Walker to forget who he is? Will Kevin be forced to sing show tunes in order to break the spell? Dorian is forced to give in to David's demands when he threatens her. It’s not like it’s the first time Cupcake Lord has given into David. And giving in always put a smile on her face. Kevin uses the Banner in an attempt to infiltrate and expose William Dawes, and other corrupt politicians in Llanview. This is two spoilers in one: first, we find out there are politicians in Llanview and secondly, that they are corrupt. Kevin ignores his threats, and makes it clear he will not give up his attempt to bring him and the others down. I am getting this horrible déjà vu feeling of when Kevin and Kelly tried to bring down the mob. Let’s hope this time Kevin leaves the disguises and bad accents back at the Banner. In an attempt to save her shaky marriage, Kelly tells Kevin she can get pregnant without mentioning the risks. I assume the risk being that she will then be stuck with Kevin for the rest of her life? And shouldn’t a Cramer girl be able to come up with a better plan ? Starr has better ideas than this. Jen decides to help Marcie strike back at her tormentors by trying to get Madison to confess on tape. Thus completes the transformation of Jen Rappaport from conniving bitch into soap heroine. Yawn. Marcie enters Rex’s singing competition at Ultraviolet, but it’s Roxy and Nigel who win when they perform as Sonny and Cher on Thursday August 28. Their prize: A “romantic” weekend in Atlantic City! I am not sure if romantic is in quotes because it is Roxy & Nigel or because it is in Atlantic City. The big question is, will they run into Walker Laurence? Madison plans more revenge against Marcie. Madison is making me yearn for the warm fuzzy days of Molly and Shawna. Marcie becomes the victim of more student hazing when she is lured into an alley, beaten up and thrown in a dumpster. While it is making for good drama, I find it distressing that Marcie has become the Job of Llanview. Concerned for her safety, Al desperately searches for Marcie. What a guy! What a hero! What a stupid decision to get rid of him! (And if you are irked by that stupid decision, contact : Save Our Voice Jessica makes a decision about her future with Antonio. I almost do not care what her decision is as long as it does not involve pouting. Rex is upset by Jen's happiness. Don’t worry Babycakes, she won’t be happy for long. She lives in Llanview remember? No stays happy there for long. Daniel is abusive after having too much to drink. I feel like having too much to drink when a character shows up in a spoiler and I have to work to remember who that character is. Rae tries to convince RJ to help with his daughter’s depression. Well, so much for Keri. Rae has decided to “help” and that pretty much means Keri’s goose is cooked. On Monday, September 1st OLTL re-airs its Fan Fantasy episode. Remind not to set my VCR. I have seen it once and that was quite enough. Really. Don’t forget to check back at EOS this week as reports on the LA adventures are posted! Kate (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
4:35 pm	While I was working on My Time in Llanview, it dawned on me why I keep watching OLTL. Because something is always happening in Llanview. Something moving. Something funny. Something outlandish. Something romantic. I confess the past few years have been incredibly difficult to watch. I hung in there because things were bound to get better and they have. Are they perfect? No. But they certainly are an improvement over the moribund, often painful to watch scenes we were subjected to during JFP’s and GT’s reign. And what is working? Nora has her brain back. Maybe not all the way back, but it is a start. HBS looks more comfortable in Nora’s skin than she has since before that Sex-with-Sam-in-the-Cabana scene. Her character had become isolated in the Troy/Lindsey/Joanna mess. Breaking her out of that and having her interact with other characters makes her much more interesting. From doing the “Bump” with Matthew to comforting RJ to being back in court, Nora is becoming more and more, well, Nora-like. RJ. RJ as a father. RJ caught between the desire to be a good father and the drive for self-preservation. RJ as a man in love. RJ with a broken heart. RJ as a grieving father. RJ as the sexiest grandfather in the history of mankind. In the past Timothy D. Stickney has done good things with the dross he was handed. Now that he has real substance to work with, he is wonderful to watch. Even if he did have me in tears. Roxy is working. True, the character does her best to avoid actual work, but hiring Ilene Kirsten was the best thing GT did. She makes it completely believable that a crass low-rent drunk could have two desirable men falling for her. I never understood why men fell for Roseanne or why they fall for Jen, but when Roxy turns on that hopeful, almost innocent expression, how could any man resist? Rex. He’s a con artist. He’s a little sex machine. He’s a thief. He’s a drug dealer. He is one apple that did not fall far from the tree. Especially if it turns out that Max was the tree trunk that spawned him. Jean Paul Lavosier is doing a good job, especially for an actor who was given a poorly defined part to play. Despite protests to the contrary, he was originally written as being gay (remember those longing looks at Seth?). Then he was a cipher and now he is doing Jen. Yet, somehow, he has always been Rex. No small feat for an actor with little experience. Lindsey’s descent into madness. Lindsey has always been the biggest neurotic in town. Which was interesting at first. Then we discovered that a one-note neurotic is as boring as Jen was before Cris dumped her. Things began to change for Lindsey when Troy seduced her in order to get her confession. The cracks in Lindsey’s façade widened. The breaking point came when she realized all her efforts to break up Troy and Nora gained her nothing. Troy never wanted her and never would. She went mad with grief over her lost “love.” While it was a little too easy for Mitch to set her up, it is understandable that it did not take much to push her over the edge. Todd is working again. Finally. Todd’s alter, Clown-in-Training Todd has gone into remission. Todd remembered he had sister. Viki and Todd scenes are always good. His scenes with both Jessicas have been touching. I hope this is the Todd that returns to us. Sam is dead. That works for me. Lawrence Lau as Sam started not working for me about the second week he had the part. That was when I realized he had no chemistry with any of the significant people in Sam’s life: Nora, Lindsey, Will, Jen, and Todd. Not the actor’s fault. Truly awful recast. Lindsey “Deadeye” Rappaport has taken care of that problem, though. Who knew she was such a good shot? Marcie, Marcie, Marcie. While I remain disappointed that she has yet to kill Jen, I am enjoying her immensely. She actually works for a living. She is loyal. She is funny. And she is a true romantic. Those are in such short supply in Llanview these days. And Jen was very wrong when she slapped Marcie with these words, “What do you know? You’ve never had a man and you never will.” Marcie is the kind of girl who gets the real men, the best men. And I cannot wait for Jen to see that happen. Asa. I have shocked myself by putting him in this category since he has never been a favorite. His taking charge of the family during the Mitch Lawrence crisis is a thing to behold. I can almost hear his spurs clinking when he walks. It is a most welcomed sound. Nigel. Nigel always works because he’s Nigel. Wouldn’t it be fun if it turned out Flash was his daughter? From a long ago night of drunken sex with, ummmm, Alex Olanov ? All before they both came to Llanview of course. Yes, it’s preposterous, but it would be fun. Jessica. See, I didn’t even call her nuJess. While this Jessica is much more grownup, the character still feels like Jessica. Some viewers have written me complaining she doesn’t sound like Jessica. I can overlook the Canadian accent the same way I overlook Kassie DePaiva’s occasional slip into a Southern drawl. Bree Williamson gets the essence of Jessica and isn’t that the most important thing? What might work, but doesn’t quite yet: NuJoey. Not that I don’t like the actor, I do. He just does not feel like Joey. Yet. I had a hard time adjusting to Nathan Fillion, too. To me Chris McKenna was Joey. Then as time went on, I saw that Nathan had caught, here’s that word again, the essence of Joey. That charm he had inherited from his father Joe. From that moment on, he was Joey to me. I haven’t had that moment with this Joey. This Joey remains a new character to me, not a familiar one. I think part of the problem has been that most of scenes have been with the new character Flash. Paring a new/recast character with a new character seldom works. Let’s have some more scenes with Joey interacting with characters we already know. And I don’t mean scenes talking about Flash. Flash. They have paired her with a new/recast character, nuJoey. They have her obsessed with a character, CJ, that has not been on in over 6 years. They have her dressing better than Natalie does, even though Flash is a street kid. And she has impeccably groomed eyebrows, even though she lives in an abandoned building with bad lighting. Have you ever tried to tweeze in the dark? There is one promising thing about Flash and it isn’t her singing. It’s her cough. I am thinking TB, which is a health crisis among the homeless. A health crisis would mean calling in MyDrLarry. Who is Joey’s and CJ’s uncle and could give this story the depth it is lacking.. Rae. I was going to put her in the “not working” category but I like her jewelry. Maybe this revamping of Rae will work. Although how the world’s most incompetent therapist will be able to help those kids is beyond me. Still she gets props for giving Jen a hard time. What’s not working: Liz is dead. When I look at all the characters that have been redeemed, from a rapist to a fraudulent therapist, certainly Liz was not beyond redemption. And if they were determined to kill her, couldn’t we at least have had a few more hot sex with RJ scenes before she left? RJ, Keri and the baby. The only good thing about this is Toronto. At least Keri ran to a great city. RJ is too smart to think this ruse will last forever. I am choosing to blame all this on Keri (hey it’s my column). She is incredibly self-indulgent. With a short term memory. Has she forgotten the pain she endured from being separated from her father? I guess so. I’d like the chance to forget her, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards. Troy. What is his purpose? Besides baring his chest, I mean? And since he is now in every hospital scene, he is taking air time away from MrDrLarry. Which is truly an unforgivable offense. Gabrielle. What is not working about Gabrielle is that we never see her! Except to nag Al about his homework or to bring Bo food. She was not even in the fan fantasy episode. What a waste. Carlotta. It pains me to write that but, until they deal with her recent personality change, I don’t care if I see her or not. Wait a minute. A sudden personality change. Could Carlotta also have DID? Al. Such promise a few weeks ago when we all figured out he was the “Voice of the Night.” Fellow OLTL viewer Chuck suggested that Al could be running an underground radio station à la Christian Slater in Pump Up the Volume. Unfortunately for us, Chuck is not writing the show. Al as speed freak by day, mellow philosopher DJ by night is just not computing in my brain. Of course maybe I need a little from AL’s stash to have it make sense. And finally, Victor’s return did not work for me. Maybe because I remember the autopsy. Maybe because it was just a plot device after all. It could have been more, but it wasn’t. And now the “what is working, could work but isn’t and is not working” category. A category created just for Mitch. What is working is Roscoe Born’s performance. He plays the devil so well I can almost believe that under his shoes, Mitch has cloven hooves. What still is missing from Mitch is his motivation. Maybe that will all become clear once his mystery partner is revealed. And Mitch needs to lose once in awhile. When all of evil’s plans work out, a certain element of suspense is lost. What does not work for me is Mitch’s need to humiliate women. From Natalie to Blair to Jen, his behavior is repulsive. I never thought there would be a male character who would make my skin crawl more than Ivan “Music Man” Kipling did, but Mitch does. And I don’t mean skin crawl in a good way. I am not usually rabid about such things, but this side of Mitch is beyond distasteful. Although it does seem to be in line with the way women are being objectified on ABC soaps these days. But that will remain another topic for another day. Please let me know what is working, kind of working and not working for you in Llanview and its sister city to the north, Toronto, these days Stay safe. Kate Katebrowneos@hotmail.com (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 20th, 2003
6:04 pm	Isn’t it ironic? Alanis Morissette Yes, Alanis, it is ironic. It is ironic that on a show titled One Life to Live, few characters actually live just one life. Either they return from the dead, or they have alters living many lives for them. Or their lives permutate through the ever popular recast. When Mitch and then Victor returned I started thinking about all that has happened in Llanview since I started watching 35 years ago. And that has inspired this little ditty called My Time In Llanview, sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. My Time in Llanview During my time in Llanview, TPTB have given to me 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview, TPTB have given to me 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview, TPTB have given to me 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB gave to me 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB gave to me 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB gave to me 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 8 Al Holdens 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 9 cases of “Surprise! I’m your sibling!” 8 Al Holdens 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 10 Kevin Buchanans 9 cases of “Surprise! I’m your sibling 8 Al Holdens 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake! During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 11 False Accusations of Murder 10 Kevin Buchanans 9 cases of “Surprise! I’m your sibling!” 8 Al Holdens 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s Alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake! During my time in Llanview TPTB have given me 12 characters saying “Hi, Honey I’m Back from the Dead!” 11 false accusations of murder 10 Kevin Buchanans 9 cases of “Surprise! I’m your sibling!” 8 Al Holdens 7 Daniel Woleks 6 Viki’s alters 5 shows a week 4 Cassie Callison Carpenters 3 Drew Buchanans 2 Cristian Vegas and 1 exploding wedding cake! All this singing has worn me out. I will be back in a few days with my take on what is going on in present day Llanview. And in Toronto, too. Wouldn’t want to leave out Keri and the baby. Oh, would that I could. Thank you to everyone who has written me to say that they missed my column. I appreciate that more than I can say. Kate Katebrowneos@hotmail.com (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 20th, 2002
6:58 pm	I love words. Always have. I especially love how words can mean different things to different people. For example, when OLTL announced that Troy’s secret about Joanna would be “horrible” and “shocking”, I thought they meant horrible and shocking. When in fact they meant ludicrous and, well, ludicrous. Here I was thinking that Troy traded his wife for the amulet. Or that he staked her out on the Kalahari Desert as a sacrifice in exchange for an impossibly smooth chest. No, none of those “horrible” and “shocking” things. He pretended to be Colin while having sex with his wife. Who then ran out the door and right off a cliff. Given what Troy did to Lindsey, I don’t find that “shocking” at all. I guess the “horrible” part of the secret is that Troy was married to a woman who was too stupid to remember her house was on a cliff. There is only one way this could work out to hold any interest for me at all. And that’s if it is Colin who has been living the high life in Llanview and not Troy. Let’s say Colin did not cancel his trip to Africa. He did meet up with Troy in that bar. They got to drinking. The combination of booze and old resentments proved deadly. Colin killed Troy. Body disposed of, Colin went home to bed Joanna. Having heard at the bar what a slut was Joanna was, he mistakenly thought she would be amused to find herself in bed with her brother-in-law. When she became upset at his announcement that he was Colin, he quickly backtracked and said.”Only kidding, dear.” Too late. She was gone. He tried to atone for his sins by being the good doctor for the rest of his life. I know this theory has lots of holes in it. But if the writers at OLTL don’t worry about consistency, why should I? I was also fooled when TPTB announced RJ would have a “major storyline” involving his daughter. Well, I suppose to TPTB when a character who is onscreen once every two months is suddenly on once every 10 days, that could constitute a “major storyline.” Again, what they think of as “major” I think of as “ridiculous.” A ridiculous waste of RJ and Hank. And Rachel. And, yes, even a waste of Keri. This storyline has removed all the moxie Keri once possessed. And Liz. I cannot help thinking that a girl who once captivated RJ’s heart, would not turn into such a one-dimensional woman. Generally I hate miscarriages as a plot device, but I am willing to make an exception in this case. Rae’s house has big staircase. Keri must be light-headed from all the saccharine coursing through her veins. A simple fall would put us all out of our misery on this one. Now Mitch Lawrence is back to inflict misery. And he is doing a mighty fine job. Due to fine acting by Roscoe Born, Erika Slezak and Melissa Archer. Not because of the plot, itself. Too much history re-writing going on. Too much bluster without any bite from Mitch, Viki and Bo. Too much “damsel in distress” with Natalie and Cris. And too much Jessica being stupid. “I’ll just text message Mitch and see what he wants. Even though my mother is lying to me to protect me from him. Even though Rex, who is pretty amoral himself, thinks Mitch is evil.” Yikes. I do like the way Roscoe Born has slipped right back into the role. And I loved the way he looked in his smoking jacket. Although for a moment I was confused as whether I was watching OLTL or Masterpiece Theater. I half expected Mitch to say, “and on tonight’s Masterpiece Theater we are presenting an episode of “Heed the Messenger.” Back to Rex for a moment. He has energy. He has a sense of who he is. Then why is he hanging around upstairs at Llanfair? What happened to his obvious plans for Jessica? What happened to the mystery around his parentage- is Walter his father or is he the spawn of Max-a-million and Roxie? Well Kate do you like anything? Well,yes I do. Thank you for asking. The scenes with Al and Gabrielle have been a revelation. The ease between the character is almost sweet. A nice thing to see between a mother and son. The scene where Jen realized that she no longer had a hold over Al was also good. Did anyone else think Al’s IQ rose about 100 points the minute he realized he was no longer in love with her? And I liked how Marcie hightailed it out of Jen’s apartment when Mitch arrived. She saw he was danger in a dark suit. And Roxie. Without her, OLTL would be a dreary place these days. OLTL is like a lover who is good on foreplay but lousy on follow through. What starts out with an interesting premise soon has me looking for cab fare home. I wish the new regime a lot of luck in fixing our show. I really do hope that at this time next year, I cannot stop taking about how great OLTL is. In a cynical fashion of course. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all our EOS supporters. We could not do this without you. I am off to England for the holidays. My sister has graciously agreed to tape OLTL for me. I am looking forward to curling up with a cuppa while watching the tapes. In my smoking jacket purchased at Harrods of course. Kate Katebrowneos@hotmail.com (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
4:58 pm	Unless there is a fire in your belly, there is no point in sitting down to write Edmund Grey, All My Children That comes as close as anything to explaining why it has been quite awhile since this column was updated. OLTL was giving me pains in my stomach, but they were not caused by a burning desire to write. A burning desire to throw things at the TV, yes. A burning desire to write, no. Being a cynic does not mean I am a negative person. Critical, caustic,yes. Negative, no. I kept hoping something good would happen and it did. And if evil can be a good thing, Mitch Laurence certainly is it. Pure evil is so much more fun than neurotics who cause trouble just because they want attention. Sure the Mitch/twin switching story probably won’t make any sense, but it doesn’t have to, as long it is interesting and fun. With Mitch and Allison involved it is bound to be both. Interesting. Fun. How long has it been since we could say that our show? About darn time. A lot, besides Mitch, has happened since my last column: Todd returns from Somewhere in the South Pacific where they have really good hair stylists. And I am not thrilled. Although his new look certainly is fetching, his behavior is not. The old Todd acted out from a deep place of insecurity and hurt. For quite awhile now Todd has acted like a twelve-year-old, smug about pulling one over on the adults. This is not appealing to me. It is also pretty insulting to the character. Todd was conceived as a complex man capable of committing both horrific and heroic acts. This Todd often looks like he is auditioning for Maggie Carpenter’s clown school. One of Todd’s most endearing qualities has been his love for children. I don’t see that in the way he has Starr manipulating people. Remember that scene years ago with Todd and baby Starr, where Todd was telling her he dreamed she would have a better life than his. That she would trust people, love people. Getting her to lie to her mother is not exactly a step in that direction. Starr is too young, by decades, to carry around the guilt she feels every time something goes wrong in her father’s life. I have been a longtime fan of both the actor and the character that is why this Todd is so disappointing to me. Move over Lindsey, there is a new bitch in town and her name is Carlotta. Whoa, Mama. Gone are the days when Carlotta approached the world with any sense of equanimity. Carlotta needs to switch to decaf and fast. Or, fill those ice cube trays and invite Hank over. Do something before she loses both her sons. Considering that she forgave Roseanne for every rotten thing she did, Carlotta’s unbending attitude towards Natalie is puzzling. You think she would at least give Nat points for covering for Cris during the baby shower fiasco. And the way she made up her mind about Liz before meeting her was definitely unCarlotta like. Sure, it would be hard to wrap one’s mind around the surrogacy, but she is also holding Liz’s involvement years ago with RJ against her. I guess Carlotta has forgotten how upset she was over people’s reaction to Andy Harrison’s involvement with Antonio. I find it ironic, given how much she dislikes him, that Carlotta is becoming more like Asa every day. To Asa, his worldview is all that matters. The same can now be said of Carlotta. I am only hoping that Carlotta remains onscreen after Jen’s machinations and Antonio’s pending fatherhood are revealed. If we see the scales fall from Carlotta’s eyes it may be worth what TPTB have done to her. Liz “red herring” Reynolds arrives in town. Let’s see, first all those all African references were thrown around to lead viewers to believe she was connected to the Joanna mess. Then each time she mentioned the stillborn baby “that I never got to even see” they cut to Jessica, hoping viewers would believe Jess was her baby. I wish TPTB would quit hitting us over the head, my skull cannot take much more. These cute tricks did not do the character any favors. Liz seems to be in Llanview as a plot device instead of as a new resident we should find interesting. I like the actress, quite a bit actually. There are sparks of real energy and humor in her scenes with Hank and RJ. Potential for good stories with these three is almost endless, why did they have to muck it up with a ludicrous surrogate story? Keri is pregnant, but won’t be a mother. Antonio is clueless, but will be a father. I hate this story. Nothing about it is worth discussing. Not even the thought of Antonio gazing through the nursery window saying over and over. “My son. My brother-in-law. My son. My brother-in-law.” OK. One thing worth mentioning is RJ struggling to support his daughter’s decision even though he knows that in some way this decision will cause her great pain. As much as I hate loose ends, it wouldn’t bother me in the least if I tuned in tomorrow to discover Keri wasn’t pregnant and this storyline was never mentioned again. Jen is pregnant; after all she had sex twice! Cris is clueless about NOT being a father. I admit I feel sorry for Jen. She is really hurting. Of course she wants to hurt Cris and Natalie. Who wouldn’t? But just as Lindsey winds up hurting herself more than she does Nora, Jen is hurting herself more than anyone else. And I think she is really going to be hurt by Marcy. Yep, once Marcy overhears Jen referring to her as a loser, I can see Marcy bludgeoning Jen to death with a field hockey stick. It will be OLTL’s homage to those Kelli Martin/Tori Spelling Lifetime TV movies, “Mother May I Sleep with the Danger in My Bed because I Really Want to Be A Cheerleader?” Natalie inexplicably becomes susceptible to a cult leader. Jessica, I could have understood, given how the ground keeps shifting underneath her. And given her propensity for trusting the wrong people. And Jen. Well, that would have been more than understandable. But Natalie? Natalie, who survived being raised by wolves? Natalie, who has an innate second sense when it comes to cons? Natalie, who finally has a family and a place to call home? Susceptible because it appears, just in the near future,she cannot be with Cris? This is one of my main gripes about soaps, well, maybe media in general, that young women in the liminal stage of their lives, when all things are possible, can only think about whether or not they are getting the guy. There are so many more stories for them. Really. Just ask me. Sam continues to stalk Blair. I think Blair should have gotten two restraining orders, one against Todd and one against Sam. Should have done that the minute he fired Chad. This doesn’t feel like love to me. It feels like Blair finally caved to Sam’s relentless pressure. And when did Sam develop such a flat affect? Lindsey continues her Joannantics. Personally, I don’t care what she does to Troy. What he did to Lindsey still makes my skin crawl. And he is letting himself be Lindsey’s victim. How difficult would it be to say, “Nora, I was married. My wife died in accident. I did not tell you because it is still hard to for me to talk about it. Please understand and forgive me.” Then he could prevent Nora from asking any questions by distracting her with something shiny from ABC Shop The Soaps. I want better for Lindsey. I want a Troy/Nora free story. Maybe something involving her art gallery with an art forgery scam. An art forgery circle headed by…. Carlo Hesser! Asa and Max get set to star in a remake of “Strangers on A Train.” Two men in a bar. Two unhappily married men in a bar. Two unhappily married men in bar who will do anything to get what they want. Works for me. Of course, their plan won’t work because Roxy cannot die. She is just too much fun. (Rae can live or die. Either one.) But seeing Asa and Max plotting together is something they do very well. Oh, happy day. And happy days are ahead for us. Michael Malone and Josh Griffith are back. OLTL may finally be in good hands. Kate Katebrowneos@hotmail.com (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 10th, 2002
7:00 am	Gotta love the LPD. In addition to the traditional police motto of “Protect and Serve” the LPD has a special motto for those officers who have had really bad days, “Protect and Service the first strange blonde you encounter.” A motto Antonio and Bo take very seriously. For a moment there I thought Antonio and the Mystery Blonde’s (MB) story was going to mirror Bo and Lanie’s. Lanie hit Bo’s motorcycle with her car. MB’s car stalled by the side of the road. Bo and Lanie shared fondue. Antonio and MB shared diner takeout. Bo and Lanie were at a lovely country inn. Antonio and MB were at a no-tell-motel. Bo soon discovered that Lanie was his ex-fiancée’s sister. I think Antonio is going to discover that MB is his ex-fiancée’s mother. See, I was wrong. These stories are nothing alike! What was I thinking? Well, part of me was thinking how odd that the newspaper article did not give Antonio’s name, even though his picture was on the front page. And I am also thinking how odd that Antonio was able to get MB’s car towed to the garage to be repaired without asking her name. But following that train of thought, it would mean that not exchanging names would be a plot contrivance. It couldn’t be that. What could I possibly have been thinking? I am thinking this means Keri and Antonio will be reconciling fairly soon. Will Antonio be able to Keri-on as before or will he tell all? Will it be awkward to spill all after MB is introduced as his future mother-in-law? What will Keri’s reaction be? I suspect Antonio won’t even get a chance to point out “but we were on a break” before Keri is out the door. Oh, no, not sweet Keri. What could I be thinking? Right at this moment I am thinking Keri is pretty much an immature, spoiled brat. How did she get to be a university professor? She decides to skip the first day of the term because her boyfriend might call? (And besides doesn’t she have a cell phone?) Her father gives her a lovely briefcase for the first day of the new term. Does Keri say, “Thank you, RJ.”? No, she says, ”It means nothing without Antonio.” I know RJ has done terrible things to Keri and Antonio. You know RJ has done terrible things to them. But Keri doesn’t know. For a moment there I thought she was 12 years old instead of over 25. What was I thinking? I was thinking that watching OLTL this past week was liking watching a daycare center filled with really tall charges. These kids are way too young to be running around without supervision. And by way too young, I do not mean chronologically young, I mean emotionally too young. To begin, who forgot to tell me that last Thursday was National Have Sex Day or was that celebrated only in Llanview? Three couples having sex in one episode. Of course just because there was all that sex did not mean any of it was sexy. There were Jessica and Seth having unprotected sex on the couch in the Llanfair library. Was Jessica’s room being painted? And watching through the glass doors was Jessica’s supposed brother Rex. I have not been as repulsed by a OLTL scene since Ivan Kipling played Music Man with Karen Wolek. Rex then turned around almost immediately and had unprotected sex with Shawna on the lawn chair. Over at the Bayberry Inn, Al and Jen were having unprotected sex for the second time in two days. I am appalled that a network whose goal is to increase viewing among teenagers would show three couples on one day not even discussing protection, let alone showing anyone using it. (And lest TIIC think showing condom use is not sexy or romantic, they should watch the GH scene where Jason ripped the condom pack open with his teeth before having sex with Carly. One of the sexiest scenes shown in any medium.) While I don’t think a soap’s primary goal should be education, I don’t think a soap should be so blatantly irresponsible either. What are TIIC thinking? My other problem with these scenes was that there was all that sex and not any genuine caring between the characters. With Jess and Seth, I think the intention of emotion is there but definitely looses something in the portrayal. With Rex and Shawna it was sex for sex’s sake, which even with adults is suspect behavior. And I cannot help but feeling that this sex scene was only there to convince viewers that despite all the rumors, Rex is not gay. TPTB were showing viewers about as much respect as they were showing these two characters. And then we have Jen and Al. I don’t know why we have Jen and Al, but we do. Jen, who is 18, is using Al to get pregnant so she can use the baby to punish Cris. Although I do not think Jen has thought ahead to “baby”, she is only thinking how she can hurt Cris and Natalie. Where the hell are everybody’s parents? OLTL was once based in its families. There are no families now. There are families tied together by last name but not by interaction or emotion. Certainly not on any consistent basis. I have no idea why TIIC have chosen to abandon the family ties when they are so rich and ripe for development. Not that these kids parents are prizes mind you. Gabby seems to be the best of the bunch. At least her instincts are right but she loses something in the follow through. She is paralyzed by her fear that Al will get mad at her, so does not do what needs to be done to really help him. And Max is so self-absorbed that he does not see his son dissembling before his eyes. Jess and Natalie have been abandoned on all sides. Roxy is a joke as a mother. Clint cannot be bothered to travel stateside to see how his daughters are doing after this latest Niki fiasco. Heck, Clint cannot even be bothered to meet Natalie face-to-face. And while it is understandable that Viki is in Switzerland nonetheless it leaves her daughters alone. And where is Rex’s Aunt Corinne? For someone who kept such close tabs on him, it does not make sense that she would abandon him to a life in Llanview with people she has never met. And does Seth even have parents? We keep hearing he grew up in Angel Square but no word on his family. And after the red pepper flakes in Keri’s food, and believing Jen was the best thing that ever happened to Cris, even Carlotta’s parenting skills are suspect. I am not asking for all happy families. Just families. Is that too much to ask? Probably. If I sent a letter with my request, I imagine the folks at OLTL saying, “What is she thinking?” Well, I was thinking that Rae’s story would be about her fall from grace and fame and fortune. And coming to terms with what she had done. And maybe moving her past being so self-absorbed (did you ever notice how every therapy session wound up being about her?). And then we could throw in a little Myrtle and Skye (families again!). But, no, instead we have her blackmailing Asa and breaking Renee’s heart. What was I thinking? I was thinking about the other new marriage in town. I loved the scene weeks ago when Fitzy gave Roxy all of Max’s monetary assets. And Roxy decided to stay married to all of Max's physical assets as well. I pictured the story of Max and Roxy trying to work out this marriage springing forth, being both funny and touching. Instead we have had no real scenes with Max and Roxy. What was I thinking? I try to end each column on a positive note but OLTL has been so disheartening this week that I cannot. I would love to hear what you are thinking about OLTL these days. You can email me at katebrowneos@hotmail.com The soaps will be pre-empted on September 11th. I feel inadequate to comment on that day except that I imagine it meaning something different to each of us. And I hope you each get the chance to experience the day the way that suits you best and that brings you the most peace. Kate (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 30th, 2002
4:02 pm	Remember the Valentine’s Day when Max and Luna had that call-in radio show? I was thinking what fun it would be to call in a few songs for some current Llanview residents: To Jen, from Al: I don’t want to set the world on fire, I just want to start a flame in your heart Horace Heidt, 1941 Poor Al. Jen just cannot accept his act of arson as a gesture of love. Perhaps next time he should try flowers. I hope she comes around because they are made for each other. Who else in Llanview could be their intellectual and emotional equals? And Jen should find a certain comfort with Al, after all he has the same mantra as her mother, “I did it because I love you. I did it because I love you. I did it because I love you.” The best thing about this absurd story is Gabrielle. Fiona H. has done an excellent job at showing us all of Gabby’s conflicting emotions. She wants to do the best thing for her son, but what is that? Protecting him? Lying for him? Trying to get Asa to re-adopt him? And going out to Cristian Vega: Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool Loving both of you is breakin’ all the rules Peter Yarrow Cris. Cris. What a fine pickle you have gotten yourself into. (And I do think Cris probably has a fine pickle indeed!) On the one hand you have a beautiful, smart, sexy, loving, quick-witted woman. And on the other hand you have Jen. True Jen is clearly showing more personality as her Rappaport revenge genes move to the fore, but it may a case of too little, too late for Cris. Speaking of being late, raise your hand if you think seconds before Cris tells her he is leaving her for Natalie, Jen drops the news that she is “late.” That will prove that she is Lindsey’s daughter; after all Sam married Lindsey because she was pregnant. And we see how well that worked out. (About Jen’s display of supply room anger, was anyone else ticked at her for leaving the mess for someone else to clean up?) To Max Holden: The problem is all inside your head she said to me The answer is easy if you take it logically I’d like to help you with your struggle to be free There must be fifty ways to leave your lover Paul Simon Max, I am pretty certain that none of those fifty ways includes getting your wife so drunk she sleeps through the secret divorce hearing. Which leads me to the question, “why do people fly to the Caribbean for a quicky divorce when Llanview is so much closer?” Roxie was gone less than 72 hours and Max was able to get a hearing charging her with desertion? I knew justice in Llanview was whacky but I did not know it was so quick. It is always great to see Judge Fitzwater. I wish we saw her more often. She was clearly bemused by Roxy and loved sticking it to Max. What she really did was stick Max to Roxy. How will Max deal with this? Hopefully, he will stop smirking and try to figure out a way to make this marriage work. It will be interesting to see what happens now that “Roxie O’Hara” has decided to make Max want her. The only unenjoyable thing was RJ’s betrayal of Max. Oh, well what’s a little destruction of friendship when there’s a plot point to be made, eh, GT? To Gretel Cummings Buchanan, from Shawna: My analyst told me I was right out of my head, The way he described it he said I’d be better dead than live I didn’t listen to his jive I knew all along that he was wrong And I knew that he thought I was crazy but I’m not Twisted, Ross& Grey 1965 If only people had not listened to Rae’s jive. You cannot blame them. How many of us thoroughly check our doctor’s, dentist’s, therapist’s credentials before undergoing treatment? There are a lot of holes in the premise that Rae could have successfully carried on this fraud for decades. After all, she was a “nationally known” psychotherapist. Rae’s being a fraud is not my problem with her. My problem with her is that she was the world’s worst therapist. And hubris kept her from acknowledging that. It is not like she was a fraud who actually helped people, à la the movie Mumford. No, Rae went around messing up people’s lives and behaving in unbelievably unethical ways. Even now, she is irate that anyone would want to sue her. Yes, Asa went a little over the top, but her patients, the hospital, and the university are justified in seeking redress. She seems to think that she is the victim. By marrying Asa she has alienated Renee, the one friend she had. If you ask me, it’s Rae that needs a good shrink. It’s time for Kevin Collins to pay Llanview a little visit. (On the bright side, maybe Carlo Hesser will hear the news about Asa’s marriage and return to Llanview to sweep Renee off her feet.) To Allison, from her friends at St. Anne’s: Now I sit by my window And I watch the cars I fear I’ll do some damage one fine day But I would not be convicted by a jury of my peers Still crazy Still crazy Still crazy after all these years Paul Simon I like Allison. She is psychotic and heartbreaking at the same time. She’s nuts but focused. It is not many kidnappers who can evoke empathy, but how could I not feel for her during Lindsey’s manipulations? Allision was perfectly happy in Statesville, it was her home. Faking that letter from Dave was one of the cruelest things Lindsey has done. As usual, Lindsey overlooked the fact she was dealing with a real person. And we saw that real person inside Allison through those intermittent cracks in her façade. Babara Garrick did a great job as Allison. I am very happy that TPTB changed their original decision to kill Allison. It is good know she is sitting in St. Anne’s biding her time, waiting for an opportunity to stir things up in Llanivew. (BTW, I think Allison killed her father, the former warden. Remember how anxious she was for Lindsey to tell how Melanie killed their father? As if she wanted to compare notes.) To winkin’, blinkin’ and Todd: OO-ee OO-ee baby OO-ee OO-ee baby OO-ee OO-ee baby Won’t ya let me take you on a sea cruise? Huey P. Smith and Frankie Ford I wish someone would stop by that island (that is so close to Hawaii you can get there in a fairly small boat) and take those three on some kind of cruise. A very long cruise that does not take place on my TV screen. You would think the plane that keeps dropping off clothes from Lands End would let someone know they are there. Shouldn’t the focus of the story be getting off the island instead of who Tea is going to shag first? And if the point of the story is to re-examine and rekindle her relationship with Todd, why have Ross there at all? Oh, I know maybe it’s because the actor who plays Ross doesn’t mind taking his shirt off? All I can say is if these are the tapes submitted next year, GT will not be having to find space on his shelf for another Emmy. What a waste of resources and talent. To Viki Davidson and Antonio Vega: Ben is in a coma and I think it’s serious… Do you really think he’ll pull through?.. Let me whisper my last goodbyes… With apologies, as always, to The Smiths How wonderful is it to have Viki back? Pretty damn wonderful. How wonderful is it to have Ben gone? Pretty damn wonderful. How wonderful is it to have Antonio rethinking his life as a police officer? Pretty damn damn wonderful. Saying Niki overstayed her welcome is an understatement. Having that version of Niki around for such a long time did a lot of damage. (And we still don’t know what the secret is, but then as I have said before, I doubt the writers do, either.) Niki’s tenure did the most damage to Viki and Ben’s relationship. Ben was suddenly portrayed as being dumber than even his critics thought. How could he not know something was terribly wrong with Viki? And more than that, what about that special bond between them? How could he not notice it was broken? Ben became a cipher who floated around Llanfair. Until he floated right out the window. I am not a member of the Ben and Blondie fan club but I did like Ben when he first showed up. There had not been a man since Joe Riley who could make Viki laugh like that. The character of Ben started out with promise until those two words, “Gina Russo.” That was it, for me anyway. I am hoping that should Ben return, the writers play more to Mark Derwin’s strengths as an actor (yes, I think he has them) and Ben’s charm as a character. Finally something has happened to break Antonio out of this horrible rut he has been in at the LPD. You know the brown-nosing Bo, arrogant, glaring rut? I have never thought he was a good fit there. It is too much to hope that he really will leave the LPD and go back to law school. But maybe it will remind that he is human and not to forget that other people (like RJ) are,too. And finally, going out to Lindsey Rappaport: So now they put me on a chain gang, chain gang, chain gang, Workin on a chain gang, all-ll-all day. They put me on the chain gang, chain gang, chain gang, Sweatin on a chain gang, e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e ver’y day Bobby Scott If only. I would love to see that just for a day. Lindsey on chain gang with Tilly leaning on her shovel, laughing and watching. Lindsey complaining how it’s all Nora’s fault that the prison does not provide sunscreen. But that’s not going to happen. She got pardoned for saving Molly’s life. Even though Molly’s life would not have been in danger if Lindsey had not engineered the prison break. And will Lindsey take this bit of luck as a sign to change to her life? Yeah, right. I give her just about 10 seconds into Monday’s episode before she is planning her revenge on Troy and Nora. Maybe she and Rae can team up for a rendition of Nobody loves us, everybody hates us, we’re going to eat some worms. All this singing has me in such a good mood I am not even going to quibble this week. I hope you have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Let me know what you are thinking about OLTL-email me at katebrowneos@hotmail.com Kate (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
9:22 pm	I think when you have been watching a soap for 30 plus years, it is safe to say you have a relationship with the show. Like any relationship there are good times, bad times, boring times. Memories of the good times keep you hanging in during the bad times. Plus there is the excitement of new executive producers. Trepidation if one you like is leaving, hopeful expectation if the latest regime was disappointing. When the new EP takes over there is that rush that things will be better. Kind of like a new romance. You are so excited that this new lover does not snore, that you don’t notice that he leaves the seat up just like the last one. Well, it is time for me to admit that GT has been leaving the seat up quite often. Back in March (March 16th to be exact) I wrote a column about the overuse of flashbacks. In fact I even counted how many flashbacks there were per day. (Don’t worry, I am not doing that here. Life is too short to repeat that exercise.) Things improved for awhile, but the flashbacks are here again, being used as filler. I am referring to the flashbacks of Al the firebug and Cris and Nat, the lovebugs. Isn’t this why the recaps at the beginning of each episode were created? To flashback to “previously on OLTL”? The overuse of flashbacks makes tired story telling seem like exhausted story telling. I enjoy old flashbacks. They are a little walks down memory lane for longtime viewers. (Oh, the haircuts! Oh, the eyebrows!) For newer viewers they are necessary, especially when an absent character returns. The recent Tea flashbacks not only showed that there was someone in Todd’s life besides Blair but also showed why viewers are so divided in their opinions of Tea. The scenes showing her playing board games with Todd and singing Spanish lullabies to Starr, make it evident why so many fans love her. And the scenes showing her being an absolute bitch to Blair (“Why don’t we ask Starr who she thinks her mommy is?”) show why so many fans loathe her. (Personally, my issues with Tea center around her dumping RJ with just a brief note and a check. How crass was that? RJ deserved so much better. Although anyone reading this who has broken my heart, should feel free to drop a cool million on me, crass or not.) The flashbacks have got to go GT. They are enervating a show that doesn’t have a whole lot of energy to spare. Even when it seems like things are moving, they seem like they are moving in slow motion. If only Allison and Starr could be in every scene! Are they necessarily better actors than the others? No, not at all, but their performances always have a freshness to them. Maybe it is because they do not have to keep repeating the same lines over and over. Maybe they take naps between takes. Who knows? Ever the optimist. OK, ever the cynical optimist, I keep tuning in every day. Hoping to find the seat down. Quibble, Quibble 1. Are winkin’, blinkin’and Todd going to stay on that island until RH decides to return to OLTL? 2. Why do I get the feeling that the reason Niki’s “big secret” has not been revealed is because TPTB have not decided what that secret is? 3. Why didn’t Kerri notice the VCR was on “play” while she and RJ were watching the wedding etiquette show? 4. How nice that Rae had a supply of Lindsey’s favorite frosted lipstick on hand in her bathroom. And clothes that fit any fugitive that happened to stop by. What a woman. She may be a lousy therapist but she sure is a thoughtful hostess. 5. How come Rae’s house is labeled a crime scene? She has not been arrested for any crime, all she has are civil actions pending against her. 6. How come Llanfair is not labeled a crime scene? Attempted murder took place there, clearly a criminal act. Yet, people have been wandering all over Llanfair without pause since Ben went out the window. 7. Someone call MyDrLarry. The mugging flu has infected Llanview. First, we had Niki mugging for the camera and now Max. Yikes! 8. Shouldn’t Bo have been at least a little embarrassed that Cris has now solved more cases than the LPD has in years? Al is just lucky that Cris has not decided to take on the arson investigation. 9. Nigel always makes me laugh. Carlotta is one stunning, interesting woman. Why are their appearances so brief and far between? 10. Why hasn’t anyone bottled water from the Llantano River and sold it as hair conditioner? Nora’s hair looked better after she spent hours in the river than it has it months! I hope you are having a wonderful summer. It has been so hot here in New Mexico that even the lizards are slowing down. Every time I see Rae wearing that coat, I feel the need to reach for the ice! Alas, though, my ice routine is not as sexy as Gabrielle’s. Kate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 4th, 2002
4:27 pm	Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me. It was my second day at the Llanview Police Department. As the new guy on the beat, I was assigned to patrol the back roads between the Llantano Bridge and Cherryvale. (Weird route, sometimes it takes a few minutes to do the beat and sometimes it takes hours.) There I was cruising when I spotted a blonde driving a dark late model sedan. Going just a little over the speed limit. Pulled her and what a babe! A little grungy though from doing volunteer work. Gave her a choice of a ticket or doing a little volunteer work for the old LPD in the back seat of my patrol car. She threatened to tell the Police Commissioner, but I thought who is he going to be believe, his own patrolman or woman who cannot even put her clothes on right side out? Anyway, I am trying to get her to get down and get to business, but she keeps jabbering on and on about some woman named Nora. Nora this and Nora that. How everything is Nora's fault. Turns out, every man in Llanview has the hots for this Nora. And more than a few have had the pleasure of "knowing" Nora, including the Police Commissioner and the DA! I start thinking I have to meet this chick and the sooner the better. So I toss this blonde out of my car and head back to Llanview. I gotta hook up with this Nora. I am already in love with her and we haven't even met yet! I wouldn't be surprised if you get a letter about me from Nora very soon! Patrolman Roberts, aka Nora's Next Boy Toy Just thought I would give Lindsey another reason to hate Nora. As if she needs one. Sigh. She escapes from prison and Tillie. Has a chance to start life over. And all Lindsey can think about is getting revenge on the people who hurt her. Even hitting Nora with her car was Nora's fault. True she did not let Nora drown but then if Nora died, what focus, what purpose would Lindsey's life have? Which is one reason I like Allison. She is nuts, pure and simple. But she has focus. When Allison has a plan, she does not let anything get in her way. Lindsey is always tripping over her own need for payback. If Allison trips over anything, she whacks it over the head and hides it in the basement. What a woman! Yet she has a vulnerable side and his name is Dave. Maybe it has something to do with his name meaning "beloved" or the fact that he is not very bright, but Allison loves him. She may be a psychotic kidnapper, but I hated the fact that Lindsey manufactured that letter from Dave. I hope Allison discovers the letter was false. Let Lindsey feel what it is like to be on the receiving end of revenge without mercy. (Yes, Troy got some revenge on Lindsey , but then she got back at him , which cancelled out his revenge. Sort of. Gotta love life in Llanview.) Allison may be psychotic but when it comes to crime, she is a professional. Which is more than I can say for Al. Clearly the criminal genes in his family have skipped a generation. In the first place, Al, you would not be a prime suspect for starting the fire so establishing your alibi would not really be that important. However, making sure that Natalie, the person you are trying to frame, does not have an alibi is crucial to this plan. It does not matter that her keys are at the crime scene, when she is doing the mattress mambo with Cris at the time the fire started. Next time you decide to play with matches, talk with an experienced arsonist first, like your father. He will tell you to never assume that the venue will be empty. But at least the people caught in Max's warehouse fire knew how to get out safely. I guess there were no fire safety classes at Jen's Swiss boarding school. (I was really disappointed in the fire and not just because Jen survived. OLTL has a history of doing accidents (the train wreck) and fires (Maggie's warehouse, Llanfair) really well. This fire was, well, the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. From Jen's amazing ability to spread the fire to Al doing the hokey-pokey in the middle of the burning room, it was a hoot fest. ) It seems like Max has married at his own level, if not sartorially, at least morally. Their firing each other's misdeeds back and forth was great. "You tried to steal money from your own daughter." "You pretended to be Asa's son." Max may never grow to love Roxie but I hope in time he comes to appreciate her as a kindred spirit. Chad and Blair seem to be kindred souls. I still think she needs a fling with an adoring younger man, be it Chad or Cris. Anything to keep her from having time to hatch harebrained schemes like the one to reunite Nora and Sam. The best thing I can say for this storyline is that it wrapped up fairly quickly. It did not linger for months, causing viewers pain and Blair further humiliation. The Niki story looks like it may be coming to an end. Cristian Vega, amatuer detective solved his first case! I was impressed that he thought to put gloves on before touching the bag's contents. I was less impressed that he later let Natalie put her prints all on the wig. It reminded me of when Marcy Wade was traipsing around Llanview pretending to be Niki Smith. Viki found the Niki clothes Marcy had stashed at Llanfair. MyDrLarry wanted to take the clothes to a lab so he could prove that Viki had never worn them. Crestfallen, Viki confessed that she had tried the clothes on. Like mother, like daughter. Still, things are moving along. Although GT did promise that we would know the secret by the end of July. Oh, wait, silly me, I just assumed he meant the end of July this year. I despair that the winkin', blinkin' and Todd story won't end in my lifetime. Why do I call it winkin', blinkin' and Todd? Not because the three of them also sailed off in a boat, but because I have to keep winking and blinking during those scenes in order to stay awake. And what did we learn from Todd this week? That watching TV is not a waste of time. If Todd was a Friends or Animal Planet viewer, he would know the best thing to do for a jellyfish sting is to urinate on it. Of course that would touch so deeply on his intimacy issues, his head might implode. I really like Roger Howarth. In the hands of a lesser actor the character of Todd would have stayed recurring at best. But I do have one question, how can I miss you if you never leave? Quibble Only two quibbles this week: 1. The fireman said the bedroom was destroyed and the only things they could salvage were Natalie's keys. If the fire was so hot that everything was lost, how come Natalie's keychain, a plastic mini-flipflop did not melt? 2. I have to change an earlier comment. Allison is not just a professional,she is a consumate professional. In addition to knocking Roxy out and hiding the body, she was able to unravel the crime scene tape from Roxy's body, iron all the wrinkles out of it and re-attach it across Rae's front door. All between the time RJ left and Lindsey arrived. As I said, what a woman! What was the highlight for me this action packed week on OLTL? Why it was when Emily spoke these happy words, "I'm leaving at the end of the summer." It was a tumultuous week here at EOS. I want to thank you for hanging in there with us. And for sharing your thoughts on OLTL; I always love hearing from you. Kate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 24th, 2002
7:40 pm	I had decided, after posting my last column, that I would not write again until something truly good happened on our show. Something believable, smart and satisfying. I thought I had bought myself a little sabbatical. I was wrong. Lo and behold, this week something believable, smart and satisfying did happen. Gabrielle did the smart thing and told Bo about the offered bribe. It was very believable given the nature of their relationship, And it was extremely satisfying to see a Llanview woman chose not to be a victim. It was also satisfying to see that Gabrielle understands that being one's own woman does not necessarily mean solving every problem by yourself. How refreshing. And it is just about the only refreshing thing in Llanview these days. Except for Roxie. Ilene Kirsten is a gem. If you look at Roxie's behavior as a mother, she is totally abhorrent. Yet, it was impossible not to feel sorry for her when she overheard Max discussing her "makeover." And who else could have pulled off eating that cucumber slice? She needs a girlfriend, though. So does Gabrielle. I think the Style editor needs to give Roxie some help with her next transformation. Max won't stand a chance. And wouldn't a double date with Gabrielle/Bo and Roxie/Max be a hoot to watch? Oh, one more thing about Gabrielle and the bribe. It did not turn into a secret between her and Bo. Doesn't that make them the only couple in Llanview that does not have a secret, or twelve, between them? Troy has that Joanna secret. I wish someone could explain to me why I should care about that. Now Troy is keeping that "Blair rubbed her naked body up against me" secret from Nora. Which makes no sense. It does makes sense that he kept his sister Emily (formerly known as Carol) a secret. What would Troy have been able to say about her? "And then there is my sister Emily, who is a boring judgmental little bitch." I had hoped that Emily's extreme reaction to Chad's www.hottiebaresall.com involvement was an outlier. But no. Sam, a man she does not know, asks Chad a snarky question and Emily, once again, decides Chad is not good enough for her. Please tell me she is just in town for summer school. Please. I beg you. And about that question Sam asked Chad, "What kind of man takes a drunk married woman into an alley and tries to have sex with her?' Maybe Chad will answer that question once Sam answers this one, "What kind of man takes a married woman into a cabana at the country club to have sex with her and knock her up?" Hey, why not pair Sam and Emily up? Then they can cruise around town together, judging everyone they meet and sucking the air out of every scene they are in. I have a question for TPTB about Chad. Chad has chemistry with Natalie. He has oodles of chemistry with Blair. He even had chemistry with Niki. Why, then is he paired with Emily, the one Llanview female with whom he has no chemistry? Lots of chemistry between Natalie and Cris. That kiss was inevitable. I know someone who refers to redheads as "sexy brainiacs", how long could Cris resist? I admit to feeling almost feeling sorry for Jen this week. It is a terrible feeling to realize you are losing the man you love and there is nothing you can do about it. And I would have had sympathy, had Jen not immediately turned to Al for comfort. I guess every town needs a psycho stalker and sweet Al Holden has been transformed into Llanview's. When Al starts his, "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I am going to eat some worms," routine, I just want to send him to his room. There is something so unappealing about a grown man throwing a toddler's temper tantrum. I cannot help it, every time Al throws one, I imagine him in a blonde Shirley Temples wig, wearing Mary Janes and sticking his tongue out. You can see that I have a hard time taking this character seriously. And when he starts his, "nobody has ever loved me" routine, I yell at the TV, "what about Luna?" No stepmother ever loved a child more than Luna loved Al. But then Luna has fallen victim to OLTL's "out of sight, out of mind syndrome." Rachel Gannon suffers from the same syndrome. It is painful for me to criticize RJ but I must. Keri is not the only person who has been loyal to him. Rachel has always been loyal, and devoted to her uncle RJ. How many times has she raked her father, Hank, over the coals for not having faith in RJ? And I don't see that Keri has been all that loyal, really. She has always made it clear she wants RJ as a father as long as he conforms to her standards of behavior. Rachel's love seems far more unconditional. (And Rachel would have brought him a much better present from Hawaii. Meow.) Of course, RJ's behavior has not been very RJ-like lately. RJ has always been one of Llanview's smarter citizens. He would have to be, to have such a long and successful career as a criminal. Why then, would he give into Lindsey's blackmail? There is no way she can prove the drugs came from RJ. And no one, not even Bo, would believe that RJ would ever do anything to hurt Nora. And I refuse to believe that RJ would contract a hit on Lindsey using his home phone. As I said, every un-RJ like behavior. Lindsey is behaving in a very Lindsey-like way. Plotting her escape from prison without really thinking it through. She is acting as if, having escaped, she can just get on with life. Be there for Jen, fixing her pregnancy tests. Of course, it won't matter if Lindsey changes appearance and moves away. The one thing she won't be able to do is stop blaming everything on Nora. I imagine Allison would turn her back into the authorities just to stop hearing, "it's all Nora's fault. Nora did this to me. When is Nora going to have to pay for the things she did?" in an endless loop. Do those hospital scenes seem like an endless loop to anyone else? Ben wakes up. Niki panics and mugs. Jess accuses Natalie. Natalie looks hurt. Cris defends Natalie.Rex hovers. Ben wakes up. Niki panics and mugs. Jess accuses Natalie. Natalie looks hurt. Cris defends Natalie. Rex hovers. Ben wakes up. Niki panics and mugs. Jess accuses Natalie. Natalie looks hurt. Cris defends Natalie. Rex hovers. And the worst part? There just is not enough MyDrLarry. I am not sure what there could be enough of for me to enjoy the castaways. Oh, I know. They could have done this whole thing in the format of Starr's cartoons. Now, that could have been interesting. Maybe Rae's story will be interesting. But it will take more than one episode a week to hook me. And it will take Rae not acting like an idiot. Why would she stand there in the Student Union discussing her legal problems, within earshot of the students who are harassing/suing her? And one other thing, Rae, if you are trying to sneak out of somewhere undetected, don't wear an all white outfit topped by a ridiculous white hat. Starr is never ridiculous. In fact I wish Starr were real so I could invite her over to my house. It is monsoon season here. Which means it is also lizard season. I am spending a good part of my day in a "catch and release" program. As in: catch them in my house and release them outside. Starr would enjoy this pursuit, although she might have trouble with the "release" part. I hope you are all enjoying your summer pursuits, And if you are pursuing someone, that you catch them. Or better still, that you are the one being pursued. Kate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 8th, 2002
4:06 pm	Watch One Life to Live today And sleep, safe and restful, Sleep, sleep, sleep (sung to the tune of the old Sominex commercial) Last week I kept dozing off in the middle of OLTL. I initially thought it was because I was recovering from surgery. Dozing had me missing parts of each episode so last night I watched the tape of the whole week. It wasn't after effects, it was the show, itself. Here are the notes I managed to make on each day's episode, in an effort to stay focused. And since I really do hate saying only negative things about a show I have watched for over 30 years, each entry starts with something positive. I promise. Monday Positive thing: We got to see Ben fly out the window again. Ben has gone from leading man to peripheral character-what a difference a change in producers can make. He seems like a houseguest at Llanview rather than the man of the house. Actually today's episode was pretty good all the way around. Bo and Gabrielle talk to each like adults, a rarity in Llanview. It is rather endearing how they ignore the elephant standing on the middle of room. The elephant being their growing attraction to one another. It is ironic how the one couple who isn't having sex has become the sexiest couple on OLTL. And Rae's secret was revealed. Rae has not seemed this human to me since John left for San Francisco. On the down side, this is the most interesting story right now, yet this is it for the entire week. And it was cute seeing Antonio stumble over the word "therapist." I cannot remember the last time I thought Antonio was cute. Tuesday: Positive thing: In the pre-credits, we got to see Ben fly out the window again. (Hey, I did not say it would be a different positive thing each day.) Tuesday really had two positive things and the best can be summed up in one word: MyDrLarry. I wish someone could explain to me why this man does not have a storyline. Smart, funny, sexy, charming with loads of history. I remain baffled. I am also confused about Emily's attitude towards Chad. Who is she to decide whether or not to forgive Chad for something he did to Cris, a person she does not even know? The whole scenario seemed contrived to give Troy a chance to brood over the big Joanna secret again. A secret I care nothing about. It is making me even less interested in Troy than I was before. For the first time, I enjoyed Niki. It was fun seeing her struggle to remember all that tragic family history Jessica kept bringing up. And Natalie does not have to worry about being sent away for attempted murder because Cristian Vega, Amateur Detective, is on the case. I like the notion of Cris being the one to figure out that Natalie does not have DID. Have you noticed how much smarter he is when he is away from Jen? Wednesday: Positive thing: We got to see MyDrLarry smile. Sigh. I have this Pavlovian response to seeing the words "Somewhere in the South Pacific." I have the urge to go into the kitchen and make a pavlova. I would rather whip egg whites by hand than watch this little Bali Ha'i escapade. TT&R are far too clean as well as too clean-shaven to seem shipwrecked. The hostility between Ross and Todd is forced and not scary at all. For the first time in the history of Todd, I have no interest in the character. And that is rather sad. Thursday Positive thing: I got to hear Heather MacRae sing for first time since we were both little (figuratively and literally) girls. I used to see her in summer stock productions with her parents Gordon and Sheila MacRae. Everyone did a great job. My negative feelings about the episode have nothing to do with the talented actresses OLTL is fortunate to have. They have everything to do with the considerable energies and resources being poured into these "specials" when the rest of the show is floundering. The daily episodes are starting to seem like filler between these special events. I do wish that the actors' names were in the opening credits all the time. If they can do stand alone openings for these episodes, surely they could re-do the regular opening credits to include all the actors' names. Friday Positive thing: We got to see Ben fly through the window again. When you love a scene, you just cannot get too much of it. And more importantly, we got to see Hank. He mentioned his ex-wife Sheila. Could she be on her way back to town? Cristian Vega, Amateur Detective, came through again, in pointing out that perhaps Ben's mob connections had something to do with his half gainer out the window. Atta boy, Cris! Bo provided the biggest laugh of the week when he insisted that if a pro had pushed Ben out the window, he would be dead. I had to laugh because Llanview has not had a competent hitman in years. The fact that Ben did not die lends credence to Cris' theory. I also enjoyed how Bo told the officer to call in CSI, after he and Hank had tramped all over the crime scene. Jessibrat seems to be making a comeback. Yes, she had some reason to suspect Natalie but her attitude is way over the top. I think Jess is just taking her frustrations out on Natalie. And what frustrations might those be? That Seth has more chemistry with Rex than he does with her. I am hoping now that there no more special episodes on the horizon, TPTB can get back to making OLTL the daily joy we know it can be. Thank you to everyone who wrote to me about my surgery. It went as expected and the biopsy was negative, which is an extraordinarily good thing. Your prayers, words of support and laughs made a difficult situation much easier. I promise that, eventually, I will answer each email. And thanks also to my friends at Heather's OLTL board, whose ongoing support I treasure more than I can say. And to Katrina, whose energy always helps make any dark situation brighter. Kate (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
10:17 pm	Sigh. It sure is taking a lot of effort to be a OLTL fan these days. I have been trying to figure out why. Granted being sick has shortened my attention span but it is more than that, there are some deeper problems afoot here. One of the biggest has been the transformation of characters I know into characters I don't recognize. (And if you bear with me through all the griping, I promise to end on a positive note!) Let me begin with Sam Rappaport, who has gone from mensch to schmuck in relatively short order. I admit that Sam, be it the old or new version, has never been my favorite character, but he did have his moments. Moments when he appeared to be a well-rounded, decent guy, despite having knocked Nora up. And even that was understandable on some level. A woman he had loved for over 20 years kept begging him to have sex with her. Hey, Sam is nothing if not human. And while I may not have loved the character of Sam, I did like the mensch-like qualities that Kale Brown's portrayal brought out in him. I enjoyed Lawrence Lau on AMC and for a few moments, enjoyed his portrayal of Sam. Those brief moments aside, it's been pretty much a downhill slide for me and Sam. Let's start with Sam as parent. OK, he was pretty obnoxious in his insistence that Will, the embezzler, was innocent. But he was being a loyal father and it is hard to fault him for that(although I admit I did). And he did support Will's decision to take responsibility for getting Jess pregnant. Then who was that father practically high-fiving Cris for his plans to deflower Jen? Or the father who basically ignored Jen until the day before her wedding to a stalker she didn't love? Is it because Jen and nuSam have no child/parent chemistry that their relationship has taken such an odd, distant turn? Another relationship that made Sam interesting was the one with Todd. Here was someone who knew Todd before we did and had a decent understanding of the demons driving Todd to do despicable things. I can understand why Sam would want to solve the mystery of Jack's adoption - it was an irresistible puzzle. But he seemed driven to find answers just to extract some inexplicable revenge on Todd. Odd behavior for "coach", at least to me. Again I suggest that the Coach/Boomer relationship has been altered to accommodate the lack of chemistry between NuSam and Todd. And finally, Sam has adopted Antonio's unfortunate habit of glaring. Glaring at Todd. Glaring at Tea. Just the way Antonio glares at RJ. As if the sheer ferocity of these machismo glares will cause evil doers to wither like vampires in the sun. It does not work for Sam any better than it does for Antonio. Antonio, Antonio. As El Lion you were interesting, sexy, borderline fascinating. As Bo's lap dog you are insufferable, with no nuance to your personality. All emotions reduced into that ridiculous glare. Although if Antonio starts glaring at Keri, who could blame him? He arranges this very romantic and clearly expensive, trip to Hawaii. The sun, the beach, the scent of plumeria in the air and all Keri can think about is solving Rae's latest mystery. To me the mystery is why anyone would care about Rae'' latest problem? Or is the mystery why it suddenly bothers her to be called Gretel, when that is the name she used on first visit to Llanview, which happened after college? Or is the mystery why Tony Jones, her great friend from college, never mentioned this mystery during all their cozy tête -à -têtes on General Hospital? Or is the mystery why any professor would separate all the bibliographies from all her students' term papers? The biggest mystery of all is why Rae, the world's most incompetent therapist, was chosen as Llanview's Woman of the Year. Oh, silly me. She has been selected as Woman of the Year so her secret can be revealed at the banquet. I knew there had to be a good reason. I like Linda Dano; I have just never warmed up to Rae. She has been in town for three years and I still have no sense of who she is. When she arrived she was a "relationship consultant." She had hosted a radio call-in show in San Francisco. She became an advice columnist at The Banner. Then, suddenly, she was credentialed enough to start profiling for the LPD, take on private therapy clients and become a full professor at Llanview University. Oh, and she had a child, although for the longest time she could not seem to remember in what month or in what year she gave birth. These are all "things" we know about her, it seems like very little effort has been made to develop the character of Rae, herself. She just travels from soap to soap to move plot points along. The best thing I can say is that for every five Rae scenes we get one Rae and Hank scene. And any Gannon brothers' scene is a good scene. Last week we saw both Hank and RJ! None of those scenes had anything to do with either character, but they are so good, their presence makes any story better. I just don't understand why they do not get stories of their own. Is it really that impossible to come up with stories for two good looking professional men who can act? I would love the opportunity to develop Gannon plots. And I would do for free. Well, not for free exactly. But for a very reasonable fee. Why are the Gannon brothers, who are ripe with potential for story development left languishing, while Rae, a cipher character, is having a whole story built around her, including new characters being brought in to support it? Where the heck is Keri's mother anyway? Can you imagine her walking into Capricorn and RJ recognizing her? What Timothy Stickney could do with that moment. Speaking of recognizing, is anyone recognizing Carlotta and Renee these days? Sure Carlotta has stopped over-seasoning Keri's food, but her inner bitch has not exactly gone back inside. If Renee keeps treating customers like she treated Gabrielle, she may find herself falling back (pun intended) on old job skills to earn her living. And Renee, one of Viki's best friends as well as being her mother-in-law joins the ranks of Llanview-ites who look dumber and dumber the longer they do not notice something is definitely wrong with Viki. I miss Vicki. The alters are only interesting when they are all jockeying for position or working together to keep Viki together. All Niki, all the time is boring. And irritating. It used to be interesting to watch ES slip from alter to Viki to alter. This time I find her performance almost embarrassing to watch. The mugging is painful. Niki's increase in nastiness and drop in IQ is unbelievable. Why doesn't Niki just take Viki's money and leave town? And it would be impossible to convince someone as bright as Natalie that she has DID. (Now if she was trying to convince Jen…meow.) I am not buying into any of this. Nor am I buying into Nora's falling in love with Troy. I mean really, would any of us have bought it if Marty had overlooked her Toddian history and fallen in love with Todd's twin? I think not. Troy has a secret. So what? Everyone in Llanview has a secret. I won't keep it a secret what I do enjoy about OLTL: the redemptions of Gabrielle, Bo and Max. This Gabrielle I like. She is still self-serving but strives to be a better person. Being a more mature person has not made her less interesting but more interesting to watch (those who write for Erica on AMC should be taking notes.) And boy, does she have a way with an ice cube. This summer's ice dance for Bo was even sexier than the one she did for Max last year. Maybe because she did not know Bo was watching. Now that Bo has climbed down from his high horse, he is much easier to watch. I think keeping him out of the police station and pairing him with Gabby has done wonders. Why, though, has it been a week since we have seen this couple? I would have gladly sacrificed all the Cris/Jen scenes for just one. How can TPTB not see the lack of chemistry in Cris/Jen when they saw chemistry potential between Max and Roxy, even if is not romantic chemistry? The credit for the redemption of Max all gets laid at the feet of whoever came up with this couple. There are other things to enjoy, too. Chad. Seeing Cris become more interested in Natalie. Chad. Seeing Natalie catch on to Niki's schemes. Chad. Any scene Starr is in. Chad. Tea's incessant screaming reminding me why I don't miss Tea. Chad. Lots of things. Chad. The main thing to enjoy though is discussing it with my fellow OLTL fans. I look forward to hearing what you like and loathe about our show. Kate (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 1st, 2002
2:32 am	I like my soaps gimmick-free, for very curmudgeonly and practical reasons. Live week captivated me, though, for many reasons. And even though the Emmys were awarded for work done last year, it was fitting that OLTL captured the prize at the end of this most remarkable week. Remarkable for everyone involved. I hope next year OLTL sweeps the technical awards from directing to lighting, just for managing the logistics of 5 days of live television. And a special Haley Joel Osment Award to Matthew Rappaport for fresh delivery of "I see dead people" each day. It was fun seeing all those dead folks. How ironic to see Luna in the casino, given her character's struggles with Max over his gambling addiction. And what fun to see Megan at the coffee shop when Niki was buying "homemade" muffins. It reminded me of the time Megan purchased pies from Wanda just to convince Jake his wife could bake (and not just shake). All that flying flour and the ruse still didn't work. But it sure was fun to watch. It was fitting that Michael Grande showed up during the week Jack was revealed to be Blair's very much alive dead son. After all he was part of the most (in)famous dead -for- live- baby switch in OLTL history. Come to think of it, Gabrielle was involved in that one , too. But the best part of "live" week on OLTL? Things actually happened, some I was expecting and some I was not. I was expecting Blair to find out the truth. And I was expecting Kassie dePaiva to be good. What I was not expecting was one actress to keep me riveted to the screen for five days. As you know, I am not given to hyperbole when describing actors, but Ms. DePaiva was astonishing. And she proved one character can be center stage for several weeks and be interesting if the performance, itself, is interesting. Which is why constant exposure works well with Blair and does not work at all with, for the sake of argument, let's say, Jen. The biggest and best surprise though, was the Venetian wedding of the year starring Roxy and Max. During the "trading places" episode last summer, I was reminded how much I used to like Max( In July I said," I was surprised to find that I enjoyed James DePaiva's turn as Gabrielle the most. Over the years, as Max has changed from a charming con man into a depraved caricature, I have lost total interest in the character and the actor. The July 4th episode reminded me that Mr. DePaiva can have quite a light touch. That was one of the most endearing things about Max. It would be nice to see that Max return and not just once a year.") Well thanks to Roxy, I may be getting my wish. It is such fun to see Max out -conned by a low rent con like Roxy. There is just something endearing about Roxy albeit in a horrific way. The look on her face while watching the Venetian Special wedding video was almost sweet. That really was the wedding of her dreams. And a new husband who owns a bar! What more could Roxy want? A lot. And I am confident she will make sure Max gets it for her. She has managed to do what Gabrielle, Blair and even Skye were not able to do, give herself more power than Max has in the relationship. And really what' s not to love about that? Besides there is something fitting about Al having a stepmother who calls him "Legs." And what's up with Al? From nightstalker to Richie Cunningham in less than three minutes? Something does not fit here. Either Al has a hidden agenda or the writers woke up one morning deciding they liked OldAl's personality better. Maybe the two actors could share the role, rotating places as the writers' whims change. Al seems to be changing personalities as quickly as Viki. At least Natalie noticed something was odd with AL. What excuse do those nearest and dearest to Viki have? I keep wondering about that "special bond" between Viki and Ben? You know, the one they kept shoving down our throats during the Gina Russo debacle? Why hasn't Ben noticed a little disturbance in that force? Or at least that Viki is talking in a different voice? Or that she is drinking first thing in the morning? Or anything that would not make him look like the village idiot? This Niki is so out of control, it is unbelievable that no one has noticed. And here is a question, instead of just taking the money and running, Niki is convinced she needs Ben to divorce her on grounds of adultery. So why then doesn't she just hire someone to be caught in flagrante delicto with her? So much easier than seducing Bo who has never shown that type of interest in Viki, ever. Not only is Niki more crass, mean and loud this time around, she is also lot dumber. I wish she would just reveal her big secret and go back to playing Pin- the -Pillow On- Victor with Tory. Niki has become the unthinkable, she has become tiresome. Sam, always teetering on the edge, has also become tiresome. Once a mensch, he now seems flat, gray and well, tiresome. Laughing. Why does he get screen time when the charming erudite energetic and adorably sexy MyDrLarry gets none at all? The world is out of whack I tell you, out of whack. Due to live week, OLTL was filmed out of sequence. Here are my out of sequence thoughts on OLTL: 1. Why was Seth recast? Is this actor that much better than Brandon Routh at standing around nodding in agreement with Jessica? 2. I think Shauna and sidekick should become OLTL's official greek chorus. They could just show up anywhere, filling in backstory, calling on a muse for help. Just performing general greek chorus duties. 3. What was Regis doing introducing OLTL during live week? I found the day Jessica Tuck did the introduction much more interesting. Soap fans do not need "outside" stars to heighten the excitement of a special event, be it the Emmys or a live performance. We tune in to see our stars from our shows. 4. I predict Cris will be sneaking out to meet Natalie very soon. Sneaking out to meet her for intelligent conversation. How will he be able to resist? 5. I was disappointed that the opening credits did not turn out to be permanent. Prime time actors have their names on the opening credits, why not daytime actors? 6. I so seldom agree with sociopaths, but when Allison said, "Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian," I could only concur. Something interesting seems to be happening every day now on OLTL and how can we ask more than that? I have been pretty sick recently with surgery scheduled the end of June. That is why my columns have been few and quite far in between. I continue to love hearing from you and cannot wait to hear what you have to say about EMMY AWARD WINNING OLTL. (Doesn't if feel good to say that?) Kate (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 9th, 2002
3:28 pm	Soaps are fantasy. That is why we love them. Yet sometimes they touch on a reality that has genuine resonance in our personal lives. For many people Stone's battle with AIDS on GH was all too real. AMC's story of Bianca coming out touched a chord with many. On OLTL, maybe it was Vicki's battle with breast cancer. Or maybe it was Todd being horribly abused by his adoptive father. Or maybe someone grew up in an underground city like Eterna (hey, it could happen). While I could relate, for various reasons, to all those stories, none have quite struck home with me the way Natalie's loss of her brother, Rex, has. When I was twelve years old, I lost my beloved older brother. Like Natalie's brother, he did not die. Unlike Rex, he was not taken away to a better life. One day our mother just decided she no longer had a son. And, poof, he was gone. We were not allowed to talk about him. Or even let anyone know that he existed. I understand why Natalie did not tell Jess or Seth about Rex. Because her mother had her tell the lie that he was dead over and over again. When a child does that the family lie becomes the family truth. Plus I am certain that the mere mention of Rex's name by Natalie evoked Roxy's wrath. I am also fairly certain that Roxy used Rex's "death" to garner sympathy, as well as free drinks and maybe some free spins of the Roulette wheel, from strangers at the casinos. The painful void in Natalie's life must have been enormous. Death is hard when you are a kid. Hard to believe and hard to understand. As you grow up, though, you figure out what death is and develop some understanding of why it happens. That understanding does not occur when a sibling is just gone. Because there was no rational sense to it when it happened, and even decades later, it makes no sense. When you tell people a sibling died, people know how to react. When you tell them one day you had a brother and the next day you did not, they are just confused. No one wants to believe things like that really happen. You deal with the loss the best you can. I made up a whole fantasy life for my brother. Each day I would imagine what he was doing. I got some things right, he did grow up to be a writer. I got some things wrong, he would not live in NYC, even with free rent! You try to fill that void with male relationships, both romantic and platonic. Now more than ever, I understand Natalie's relationship with Seth. Because you know that people you love can just disappear, you close down a huge part of yourself to avoid replicating that pain. It takes an enormous amount of work to feel safe with anyone. You think they always on their way out the door. It seems like Natalie has been separated from Rex for about 13 years. My brother and I were separated for 31 years before I found him. And found him through a series of coincidences that can only be called miracles. Is our relationship perfect? Not by a long shot. But it probably would not have been perfect had we stayed in touch. Do we love each other? No doubt about it. We have been told time and time again, that just by spending a few minutes with us, it is clear we are brother and sister, even though we look nothing alike. I hope Natalie does not have to wait as long as I did to be able to say to someone , with tears running down her face, "I would like you to meet my brother." I will be back with comments on the rest of OLTL as soon I regain my Cynical bearings. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 19th, 2002
4:35 am	When One Life to Live is good It's very, very good And when it's bad it's just..well… horrid! (Said in my best Gabrielle Medina Argentinean accent) Watching OLTL certainly is an experience these days. Sometimes a satisfying one and at others an experience that leaves me blessing the inventor of the fast-forward button. (I do not use the button, lest I miss something interesting, as these days the OLTL gems pop up in the least expected places. But it is such a comfort knowing that button is there.) Watching is also often a puzzling experience. Puzzling how TPTB continue to squander OLTL's potential for complex emotional stories. Here is this Cynic's take on the Good, the Horrid and the Squandered: The Good Bo's gradual transformation back to being Bo. Moving him slightly back burner, giving us a break from his judgmental pontifications was a good thing. And the unlikely pairing of Bo and Gabrielle is working in his favor, too. He knows from the beginning that she is flawed. And he is drawn to her anyway. Bo has the unfortunate habit of putting his women on pedestals so high that they cannot help but fall. Gabby's pedestal may be just high enough for Bo to peek under her skirt. (Hey, we learned about Bo's lingerie fetish when he was married to Cassie.) Gabrielle. I could always take or leave Gabrielle. Since she returned to Llanview, I could mostly leave her. All that scenery chewing and obsessing over Max. Her scene with Al, though, where she tried to convince him to tell Jen the truth put me in her camp. She was just so honest about how her life had been built on lies and that she wanted better for her son. Plus she was a true rarity in Llanview, a parent giving good advice. Gabrielle is also one of the few people who are not cowed by Todd. Which makes his scenes with her the most interesting he has. Blair as mother. My goodness, Blair has matured over the past six months. Thanks to Kassie de Paiva this has not made Blair boring but made her much more complex. My only question, doesn't Blair get tired of being the only adult in her household? Starr. In all my years watching soaps, I do not remember being so glad to see scenes featuring a child actor. Roxy. What could have been a caricature is, blessedly, not. Ilene Kirsten is absolutely perfect in this role. Hey, she even made a scene with Max interesting! The Horrid Niki Smith. I never thought my favorite alter would be in the horrid category. But this is not Niki Smith. There was never anything subtle about her, but she was never nasty either. Niki is a party girl; she is not a woman who would be mean to children. Sure, she might drag them along to a bar ("Hey, pool's a game, kids like games, right?"), but she would never threaten or physically hurt a child. TPTB seem to have forgotten that Niki was nice enough to have Vinnie Wolek fall in love with her. The sooner this altered state ends, the better. "Blair, your baby is dead." This is not the first time on a soap that a woman has been lied to about her baby's death. Each soap has at least one of these stories. Why then is this one so wrong headed? Because Todd is supposed to love Blair. Blair is in emotional agony, and Todd is running around like a Keystone Cop trying to cover up his lie. As much as I like Roger Howarth, I am glad he is leaving. I believe that is the only reason the truth about Jack is coming out. If RH was staying, Jack would be in college before Blair found out the truth. And no, I don't think she will love Jack more because he is her biological child, her love for him is so clear. But the agony and pain in her heart will dissipate. Blair has done some truly rotten things, but even she does not deserve what the "love of her life" has done to her. Al and Jen and Seth and Jess and Cris and Natalie. A few different horrids here. I could have believed the previous Al falling in love with Jen after a one night quarry stand. There was a certain goofiness and naivete about him that would have made this work. The current Al appears so mature that his desperate need to marry Jen seems creepy at best. And once again Jess is falling for a guy who has lied to her. What an odd aphrodisiac. (And do not get me started on how Seth and Jess were too injured to go for help but were able to have have hot sex on the floor of a cave. What is it with these kids and cold hard damp surfaces anyway?) Then there is this great love between Cris and Jen. Maybe I could believe that if there was any energy, any frisson between them. All these characters' scenes are just flat, flat, flat. The only believable thing is Natalie's pain over losing Seth. He may hold no attraction for me, but at least Natalie is mourning a relationship that really existed. The only hope here is to send AL/Jen/Jess/Seth away for six months of study abroad, leaving Cris and Natalie to become closer and closer friends. Then move these two, who have sparks between them, into an adult storyline. Keri and the ethics review panel. OK, did anyone really believe that Keri was ever in danger of losing her job? Or that Antonio really got his hands on what a 7th grade teacher said about one of her accusers? And if everyone (Keri, Antonio, Carlotta, Rae, Hank) was so thrilled after hearing the panel's decision, why did they all just stand around as if they were at a baggage carousel at the airport? The Squandered Allison Perkins. Boy, was she an evil bitch when she first rolled into town. And it turns out she is just a paper tiger. Her scheme to get money from Jessica made no sense and was so ill thought out that Seth blew it out of the water. Setting Roxy up for the accident will only work in Roxy's favor. I expected more from a woman who plotted her revenge for decades. And by the time she reveals the "secret" about Jess/Nat, will so much time have gone by that no one will care? The baby switch. What great potential there was here. Current storylines effected by something that happened 20 years ago in Buchanan history. Our beloved Jessica not a Buchanan? The devil in the red dress is the true Buchanan? For a Buchanan story there are very few Buchanans present. The Buchanan family mantra is "family is everything." Are we really to believe that Clint could not drive down from NYC to meet his daughter? That Joey and Kevin would not move heaven and earth to both meet Natalie and reassure Jessica that she will always be their sister? That Asa cannot travel across town to take his new granddaughter to lunch? This could have been great. Sadly it is not. RJ as father. The good news is, RJ has a storyline. The bad new is, well, the bad news is that the storyline really is not about him at all. Always a devoted uncle, we are now to believe that having discovered he has a daughter, all he can think about is breaking up her relationship with Antonio? And let's face facts, RJ has more chemistry with Max than he does with Keri. Can this be saved? Sure if Antonio is sent away on assignment. Rachel comes to town to reacquaint herself with her childhood friend who is now her cousin. And Keri's mother shows up to resolve a whole lot of unfinished business with RJ. Lindsey's hearing. I was so excited about this. Boy, we have been waiting for this payoff for years. And here it comes! I must have blinked because I missed it. I did hear Lindsey whining yet again that she was a victim of love. And how maybe kidnapping and drugging someone are not nice but when is Nora going to be held accountable for every man in the universe loving her? And then there was Nora. How pitiful was that? Her chance to tell how losing memories she will never get back has impacted her life. Her chance to tell how it was it for her children to believe their mother was dead. Instead we heard how Nora's obsession with finding the truth ruined her life. And instead of hearing from Rachel (imagine how tear provoking that could have been), we hear from Troy that Colin was Lindsey's victim too. I am confused by where TPTB are expending their energies these days. Hanging in there, but confused. Kate (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 16th, 2002
8:38 pm	It has been a bad mood-inducing week here. No Internet service combined with sporadic cable TV and sporadic running water will do that. It has left my thought patterns less than cohesive. Hence, this week's column is just my random thoughts about OLTL. I fear it is more slash-and-burn than quick-and-dirty: TPTB would improve my mood greatly by declaring a moratorium on flashbacks. Flashbacks can serve a purpose. Flashbacks to Allison kidnapping JessNat were good for both new and old viewers. They provided essential information for new viewers and a fun reminiscence for those viewers who remember Llanfair before the Big Fire. Lately though flashbacks have become a daily occurrence. Some days there are several flashbacks. The same flashback has even been shown on consecutive days. Would that be a flashback flashback? Psst.. PTB? over here.. OLTL viewers are a savvy bunch. We can remember plots from last week. We do not need flashbacks to remind us that Al is faking his paralysis. Especially since every day we hear Natalie threatening to reveal that fact. Or to remind us that Cris loves Jen. Or that Natalie wants Seth. Because that is all those characters talk about. Flashbacks are unnecessary when every conversation these characters have seems like a flashback, itself. And flashbacks about Lindsey and Troy in the funhouse, when Troy is still in the fun house just feel like padding in a story long past its prime. Although the scenes with Starr and Troy were fun. So were the scenes with Starr and Sam. Starr's interactions left me actually liking both men. Maybe Starr could just travel around Llanview, bringing out the best energy in everyone. (May I suggest she start with Jen and Seth?) As much as I dread the thought of another trial, it would be interesting to see a defense attorney "try to rip Starr apart on the witness stand." That could lead any attorney to consider a career change. I am glad to see Ben go back to his former career as a doctor; if only because it gets him out of the house. Although I think he needs a refresher course in medical protocol. When handing Roxie her prescriptions he actually said, "And I wrote the dosages down for you." Good boy, Ben. Here's a cookie. Does he think patients are supposed to guess how much medication to take? I want to like Ben. I want to take him seriously. Maybe this free clinic gig is a start. How about if Asa's next round of community service was at the clinic? Asa could gain some respect for Ben. Maybe Ben could see Asa's compassionate side (and we know he has one). Renee could drop by to see how her "boys" are doing. Ben could share his concerns about Roxie with his parents, and they could work together to expose the scam. Just a thought. I want this scam to move along or be gone. I would like Roxie to stick around though. I am getting tired of Allison. The longer this scam takes the less scary she seems. Not a good thing for a villan. I loved it when Vicki said to Roxie, " I don't get how this baby switch happened." That makes two of us, Vicki. And the way Allison ended that conversation makes it clear that only she knows the whole story. I do believe Nat is related to Vicki, one way or another. Why? Because Nat and Vicki are the only two Llanview residents who use the correct phrase, "I could not care less" as opposed the more commonly used yet incorrect phrase, "I could care less." Vicki does love both her daughters. Her love for Jess was clear when she told Roxie, "Jessie saw me through a very difficult illness." Only a mother could revise history enough to make that line believable. The rest of us remember Jess spending Vicki's bout with cancer running from the law with WeeWhinyWillie. I tried to feel bad for Will's father this week but I could not muster much sympathy. Not because Troy basically did to Sam what Sam had done to Bo. Enticing Nora away. But because his own actions brought this misery to him. Or should I say, his inactions. His inability to acknowledge that maybe finding out the truth about what happened to her was important to Nora. Yes, as Sam so often pointed out to Nora, Lindsey is the mother of two of his children. But I don't think motherhood gives one carte blanche to go around kidnapping and drugging people. And Troy did a smart thing. He noticed what was important to Nora and made it something important in his life, too. That is one of the most seductive things a man can do. Nora is not blameless in all of this. She repeatedly backed down from going after the truth, herself. From not insisting Will reveal what he knew about his mother's involvement to not taking another memory enhancing drug dose. And I think it is time Nora admitted, at least to herself, that she is just not a one man woman. I am glad to not have to watch Nora struggle to convince herself she loves Sam. And to no longer have to watch Sam struggle to recreate a love that may never have existed. And speaking of non-existent love, Al's proposing to Jen has pushed this story line from absurd to farcical. Instead of a spinal injury specialist, Max should be flying in a neurologist. Clearly, Al fell on his head in the quarry. While in town, the neurologist could give Carlotta a quick look-see. Sprinkling hot pepper flakes in Keri's lunch? Does Carlotta really think if Antonio sees his mother behaving like an 8-year old, he will dump his girlfriend? (And aren't Antonio and Keri a little old to be having a Romeo and Juliet romance anyway?) And if it was ok for Carlotta to have sex with RJ's brother, why is not ok for Antonio to date Keri? I guess it was only a matter of time before the Llanview hypocrisy bug bit Carlotta. Speaking of bugs, I want Starr to tell me what kind of poisonous spider that was that bit Troy. He was sweaty for about an hour and then recovered enough to save Sam froma smoke-filled building. I expect to see Troy hawking that spider venom on an infomercial any day now. "Renewed energy" "Increased strength" "No more bad hair days." I have been a fan of OLTL since its early days. I plan on continuing as a fan. I just wish TPTB would give me a little more to enjoy and a little less to fast forward. I enjoy my fellow fans immensely. I want to thank all of you who take the time to write to me. Recently many of you have written wishing that the writers would read A Cynic and take seriously my comments/suggestions. I want to thank you for your kind thoughts. I would be satisfied if they just watched the show. And watched it with the love and respect we viewers have for both its history and its potential. Kate (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
11:45 am	The itsy-bitsy spider bit Troy on the chest Looks like this story is going to drag on like all the rest. And drag they do. How many years ago did Lindsey inject Nora? Does anyone really expect Lindsey will be held accountable? Does anybody care? (As a hint to TPTB, a story has been going way too long when it has to be recapped more than once via flashbacks and conversation so newer viewers can be brought up to (super slow) speed.) The really sad thing about this stagnant story is that it has kept major characters (Nora, Sam, Lindsey) from moving forward into new adventures. And this is why Ty Treadway was brought back? To keep this tired story going? And so we could have a re-Tread (sorry) of Nora bei