Learn more about how to set goals and boost your creative results:



· Story about What You Want in Life
· Apply the 80/20 Rule to Everything
· What do you really want?
· Emotions and Thoughts Affect Creativity Goals
· Using Creativiey Coaching to Recognize Goals
· Goals and Motivation [+2]
· Goals: The Wheel of Life
· Attitudes, Beliefs and Behavior Determine Goals
· Determine Your Core Beliefs Before Setting Goals
· Set Lifetime Goals

Click here!

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I know that there is no
greater emotional pain that can be inflicted on someone than the
announcement by your partner that they want a divorce.

Even if both of you have "seen it coming" for some time, and the
idea of it comes as no big surprise, the actual words still hit like
a bomb exploding in head. It's really over . . . .

When it's "out-in-the-open" that the person you held hands with so
many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey - to be
supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -through
sickness and health - for richer or poorer - no longer wants you or
your love. You have been rejected, and it's just about the most
damaging thing you'll ever face in your lifetime.

If you're at this point in your life right now - help is at hand.

Start Rebuilding Today >> http://www.survivedivorce.info

Whatever your circumstances, it is of the utmost importance that
when the pain of divorce descends upon you, you realize that you can
recover -that you will recover - and that this is in reality,
however bad it may seem right now, is an opportunity for you to
attain real and total happiness.

Our self help guides for men and women explore with you your current
feelings and help you work your way through the gloom into the light
at the other side of the tunnel.

You'll read about the basic steps required in recovering from
divorce, how to accept your circumstances, recover from the hurt and
grow as a person.

You'll discover how to win back your self esteem after divorce, how
to just let go of the guilt and depression and start your journey to
a better life.

Important Note: Our guide books are now available for the first
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There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails & told him that every time he lost
his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The 1st day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the
number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those
nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it & the father suggested that the boy now
pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed & the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand & led him to the fence.

He said, "You've done well my son, but look at the holes in the fence.

The fence will never be the same".

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like these holes.

You can put a knife in a man & draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still
there.

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

--> This was posted by a member of the AngerToolbox Discussion List. You can join too at
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/angertoolbox/

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What do you do when you and your partner have different beliefs about parenting?

This is actually a very common problem. I would go so far as to say that every family suffers from this issue or I should say every child suffers from this parenting issue.

In my 20 years of experience I have found that the most common way this is expressed is in how parents discipline. More specifically, what they discipline for and when they will discipline a child.

In extreme cases this can lead to seperation and divorce. On the most mild end of things, the child can use the differences to manipulate and control the home. None of this things are necessary!

Here's a couple quick ideas to get parents on the same page:

1. Take a parenting class. There are classes in every city of America and maybe the world. Point is that a parenting class can be found and they are all good so why don't parents take one? Is it pride? Stubbornness? I know it can't be money because many classes don't cost anything. If there isn't a class in your area, I know there are thousands of parenting books available to read. I wrote one myself!

Once parents take a class or read a book together, they can start parenting using the same techniques and philosophy. Most parents parent based on their experiences as a child, good or bad. Learn a new, third way of doing things.

2. Two heads are better than one. Never make a decision about without two parents agreeing. If you can't agree, then decide not to decide. I am not talking about the mundane things like what to make for dinner...or am I? Maybe this too needs to go through the parenting committee. Put your heads together and decide that too.

Most kids split the parents knowing who they can work and asking that one a question. Tell the child you will decide after you talk to the other parent. Let them tantrum and fume. There really isn't that many crisis situations, at least on the life and death spectrum, when it comes to making a parenting decision.

3. Learn from one another and tell each other what you like about their parenting. This could be the hardest part for many parents but a little sugar goes a long way. Besides the parenting relationship angle, this idea is useful in using similar parenting styles. No one parent knows it all or is perfect. Every parent has strengths and weaknesses. Learn and acknowledge the good points in the other and you will find, over time, that you are parenting in a very similar fashion.

4. Use over 3000 parenting tools and tips of the Parenting Toolbox. The membership is lifetime and you never renew your fees. It is like parenting insurance with no annual dues. And if you join today you get a no charge membership to the Anger Toolbox as well. That is a two for one special offer. Start building a stronger, happier home today at http://parentingtoolbox.com

Thanks for listening,

Ron Huxley
Marriage and Family Therapist
Parenting Educator
Father of Four!

How to Come up With a Craft Idea for Kids

You don't have to be a camp director or Sunday School teacher to need a few good ideas for a craft idea for kid enrichment? Parents can use some handy art project to keep kids busy and spend some quality time together as a family. Maybe you feel like you are just not the creative type, and you struggle with coming up with craft projects. It is true that some people just have a knack for finding or even inventing craft ideas, but your creativity can be improved. There are ways to make it easier to find a craft idea for kid needs.

First, lay aside any perfectionism. Locking yourself into thinking there is only one right way to do something makes every decision harder. Regardless of the kid program you are helping with, there are always many suitable craft ideas out there. Don't worry about picking the wrong one! If you've taken into consideration the age and skill levels of the kids involved, your choice will be adequate.

Next, consider your budget. When choosing a craft idea for kid programs, you need to be aware that some of them are expensive. Prepackaged kits to make a fun foam picture frame or a craft stick cross are affordable for a few kids, but if you are needing to do a craft with a lot of kids, these kits might cost too much. It's often easy to do almost exactly the same project by just looking at the craft kit components and buying the same materials in bulk at the discount store. You may have to do some preparation, like cutting out shapes ahead of time, or at least making cardboard patterns for the kids to use in cutting out their own. The savings will be worth it, however.

Another consideration is this: boys and girls like different sorts of crafts! It's ok to find different types of craft ideas that fit each gender. Boys may like lace-up leather billfolds, Indian artifacts, dinosaur art, and similar projects. Girls will like beads and anything that's pink or purple. For a craft idea for kid camp where there are kids of both sexes, keep it on the boyish side and provide some pink materials to keep the girls happy.

An aspect of creativity that the non-creative types don't realize is that ideas spring from other ideas. That is, if you look over a book or website of craft ideas, maybe none of them will appeal to you, but if you let them, they will spark an idea for a similar project. Use what you can and change what you must in the craft directions. For instance, the craft may have a slogan to be written across the front. If you need to change the slogan to fit your own needs, it's perfectly OK. For instance, the pictured project might say "Girls rock!" You can change that to "He is the Rock!" if that meets your VBS needs better.

A final suggestion is to realize that you don't have to change the instructions or create something new to have a good craft idea for kid use. Feel free to follow the instructions to the letter if that works better for you. The kids will have a great time either way. Just pick a craft idea, for kid creativity beats adult creativity everytime! The kids will make it creative, even if you have doubts about your own ability in this area.

Get more creative ideas and bust those annoying blocks by joining our no-charge ecourse...just send a blank email to creativeblocks@getresponse.com

If Oprah knew she would...

You've probably heard about "Oprah's Book Club." This is
where she recommends books she likes.

Well, there was a book released today that's NOT on Oprah's book
club list...but that's only because she doesn't know about it...yet!

But, even more important than Oprah knowing about this book is that
YOU know about it...and own it.

It's called, "Wear Clean Underwear: A Fast, Fun, Friendly -
and Essential - Guide to Legal Planning for Busy Parents" and it's
written by California lawyer and mom, Alexis Martin Neely.

http://wearcleanunderwearbook.com/huxley

For less than $16, you will not only get the straight information on
everything you need to know to legally plan for the care of your kids
and your money, but you will also get over $3000 worth of bonus gifts
that Alexis has put together for you. But, to get the bonuses, you've
got to buy the book TODAY!

And, don't think this book is going to be depressing, hard to read or
full of legal jargon. It's just the opposite!

As you can tell from the title, Alexis has made this topic entertaining,
interesting and, yes, even a little bit fun.

By using an easy to read story-based format, Alexis walks you through
three stories that guide you to all the right answers for your family.

Her book is a fast read and when you are done, you will know the exact
next steps on what you need to do to make life as easy as possible for the
people you love most if you were in an accident.

By the end, you will know exactly how easy it can be to legally plan for
your family and she even gives you tons of free resources to get you
started or fix what you've already got in place.

http://wearcleanunderwearbook.com/huxley

This is a book you must read even if you think you've gotten everything
taken care of.

Alexis discovered that of the 30% of parents who have taken action to
legally plan for their kids and their money, most have made at least
1 of 6 common mistakes.

So, whether you've done legal planning or not, get a head start on Oprah
and order

"Wear Clean Underwear: A Fast, Fun, Friendly - and Essential - Guide to Legal
Planning for Busy Parents" right NOW by going to:

http://wearcleanunderwearbook.com/huxley

You and your family will thank me for years to come!

All my very best,

Ron Huxley, LMFT
http://RonHuxley.com

P.S. Don't forget to get the thousands of dollars in free
bonuses, you must order your book TODAY. Don't miss out do it NOW!

Go to http://wearcleanunderwearbook.com/huxley now!

PPS: Advanced reviews of this book are incredible. Here is a
tiny sample of what other people are saying:

"A book that is sure to stick, Wear Clean Underwear is part
story, part education, and pure brilliance!"
-Michael Gerber, father, bestselling author of The E-Myth
Revisited and Awakening the Entrepreneur Within

"I wish my family had read this book! Even though we
employed the ‘top experts’ in estate planning, my mother was
mired in the painful four-year probate of my father’s estate
after his death. This could have been avoided had we known
what Alexis shares in this book. EVERYONE needs to read it!"
-Christine Comaford-Lynch, CEO and founder of Mighty
Ventures and New York Times bestselling author of Rules for
Renegades: How to Make More Money, Rock Your Career, and
Revel in Your Individuality

"The strategies in Alexis’ book, Wear Clean Underwear, are
essential reading for every parent. The wisdom in these
pages has ensured the well-being of my entire family,
especially my greatest source of joy…my daughter! Thank you
for writing this much needed book."
-Christine Kloser, author of The Freedom Formula, mom, and
founder of the Conscious Business Circle

Order your copy of "Wear Clean Underwear" now.
http://wearcleanunderwearbook.com/huxley

Asperger Syndrome: Struggles with Social Interaction

Author:Christine Haran
Source: http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/clinical.html

You might think that you could recognize autism in someone without
much trouble, but neurologists and mental health specialists are now
realizing that many people with high-functioning autism disorders
often fly under the radar.

Like classical autism, Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism
are neurological conditions that cause impairments in communication
and socialization. So people with these conditions might have trouble
having a back-and-forth conversation or picking up on body language.
Unlike people with classical autism, people with these disorders
always have average or above-average intellectual abilities. In fact,
it's thought that a number of historic figures, such as Albert
Einstein, may have had Asperger syndrome and been aided by their
ability to zero in a given issue. But until recently, these disorders
were not widely recognized, which is why more and more adults are
being diagnosed.

Healthology talked with Marjorie Solomon, PhD, an assistant professor
in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the
University of California Davis Medical Center and a psychiatrist at
the Medical Investigation of Neurodevelopmental Disorders (M.I.N.D.)
Institute, about how children and adults with Asperger syndrome and
high-functioning autism can learn to manage living in a social world.

What are Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism?
Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism are types of autism
spectrum disorders. Autism spectrum disorders range from classical
autism to milder forms like high-functioning autism and Asperger
syndrome. Symptoms occur in three areas: language or communication,
reciprocal social interaction—like being able to have a friend or to
engage in interactive conversations—and rigid or repetitive patterns
of behavior and interest.

To have a diagnosis of high-functioning autism or Asperger syndrome,
you also need to have an IQ in the average or above average range.
The difference between Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism
is that individuals with Asperger syndrome don't have a language
delay. In autism, single words aren't acquired before two years of
age.

What causes autism–spectrum disorders?
Autism–spectrum disorders, in general, have a large genetic
component. There are some studies going on now taking a look at
environmental factors. I think, in five years, we'll know more about
environmental factors that might be responsible for what's being
called a big rise in autism. Some people say mercury in fish,
vaccines or living under high power lines or any number of things are
responsible for the increase.

Are autism-spectrum disorders more common in boys than girls?
So far, that's what we think. The estimates range that boys outnumber
girls from 9 to 1 to 4 to 1. Girls can be harder to spot, though,
because girls tend to be socialized in our culture to fit in more and
not misbehave. For example, some girls with autism spectrum disorders
become very good at "pretending to be normal" and appear to function
well, but they really lack a complete understanding of social
interaction. So are we underdiagnosing girls? It's actually an
interesting research question.


When are people usually diagnosed?
With autism, there is the language delay, so that's going to start to
raise questions earlier. Asperger syndrome can show up later, because
some of the kids are extremely bright and they just seem kind of
quirky. They almost seem like little geniuses. We certainly see a lot
of cases where it's not picked up until third grade or fourth grade.
At that time, the demands of being someone's friend increase, and
kids with Asperger syndrome have trouble adjusting and fall behind
socially. Some kids with Asperger syndrome are really good at rote
learning, so when reading becomes more inferential and math more
complicated, the deficits become more pronounced.

Because Asperger syndrome wasn't recognized as a disorder until the
early 90s, and because many health professionals are not trained to
recognize it, Asperger syndrome is now being diagnosed in adults who
weren't picked up as children.

What are the symptoms?
Autism spectrum disorders involve problems engaging in nonverbal
behaviors like eye contact, facial expressions and body postures.
People with autism spectrum disorders may not use them properly and
don't read them well in other people.

They don't develop peer relationships that you would expect. I always
ask, "Has this child ever had a friend?" That, to me, is always a red
flag. By the time you get to third grade, you have to be able to have
a conversation and share interests and show some reciprocity.

There is generally a lack of seeking out others to share enjoyment.
But this isn't always the case. Many kids with Asperger syndrome
actually approach others too much.

These children may also have a lack of emotional reciprocity, or
empathy. So we ask, "Does the child not get stuff? When somebody gets
hurt, do they laugh? Do they really just not get why somebody's
upset?" That can look like defiance but it's really a lack of
understanding.

What other kinds of behaviors might a child have?
They may have deep fascinations. Although young kids tend to have
preoccupations with topics like trucks and trains, in kids with
Asperger syndrome, it doesn't go away. I've worked with some kids who
are 12, and they still are very much convinced that [the children's
TV show] Thomas the Tank Engine is a very important thing. Other
children are deeply fascinated with topics like astronomy, cosmology
or Japanese animation. They tend to memorize many facts about these
interests.

They also might have rigid patterns of behavior. One boy would get
upset if there was going to be an assembly at 10 o'clock instead of
math. Or some kids need to drive to school a certain way or they get
extremely upset. Another child we were working with was upset because
his mother dropped him off at preschool in the morning and his father
picked him up.

What are some coexisting problems?
Problems including depression and anxiety may occur with autism
spectrum disorders. It's hard to know whether they are due to related
brain abnormalities or some of the problems and consequences
associated with autism spectrum disorders. Children with autism
sometimes get diagnosed with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder
(ADHD) before receiving an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis.


How do problems change in adolescence and adulthood?
I don't think we have great studies on individuals with Asperger
syndrome and high-functioning autism in later life, though we are
hearing more about people with Asperger syndrome in college. Some of
these kids are very good at school. If you get the hang of school,
the expectations are a lot clearer than they are in the work world.

I chatted recently with one mother about her son with Asperger
syndrome. He did fine at a good university undergrad. But then he had
several jobs where he could not understand the social expectations.
At his firm, he had to work in teams. He did not realize the politics
among his team members, so he would step on other people's toes
without realizing it. His reviews repeatedly said, "You are arrogant
and act as if you're the only who knows anything," but he really
didn't get what was going on.

It's also complicated to maintain long-term intimate relationships.
You have to be able to read somebody's nonverbal cues.

How is a diagnosis made?
Diagnosis has to involve collecting information from several sources,
such as parents and teachers. The doctor should do a psychosocial
history, finding out when language developed, what other kinds of
symptoms were present, what kind of social issues were present, if
there were any academic issues. A clinician should then sit with the
patient and evaluate them with a standardized evaluation tool. The
best advice is to go to somebody that has a recognized reputation in
autism spectrum disorders in your community.

How is Asperger syndrome or high-functioning autism treated?
To help people reach their potential, I advise at least assessment
and some form of treatment in the vast majority of cases. One of the
recommendations is a type of speech therapy called pragmatic language
work, or knowing how to use language appropriately. In social skills
groups, a form of therapy that often includes language pragmatics,
kids get together and learn skills in the context of a group setting.
For example if we're working on conversation, we're going to model a
conversation by passing a tennis ball back and forth. We're teaching
them to ask someone else about themselves, and not just talk about
their own interests.

Cognitive-behavior therapy is a treatment that is being adapted to
deal with the anxiety and depression. We are also experimenting with
a therapy called parent-child interactive therapy to help children
with behavioral problems and inflexibility. Sometimes we recommend
others kinds of psychotherapy to deal with thinking issues, such as
learning how to become better at learning how to broaden their
perspective. Some people are experimenting with neural retraining
literatures, such as recognition of facial expression of emotion done
on computers.

Are medications helpful?
Medications can be helpful to deal with some of the symptoms. For
instance, attention medications are frequently given to help kids to
focus better and do better in school and not be so distractible.
Sometimes, a class of medications called SSRIs is used to help with
inflexibility, anxiety, depression or obsessiveness. Sometimes
atypical antipsychotics are used, if kids are having a lot of
behavioral issues. So medications can be helpful, but there's no
medication that cures autism.

What is your overall advice to parents?
You want to seek professionals who have experience dealing with this
disorder. They can follow your child as different issues appear in
development. We can help kids with social skills that are appropriate
to an 8-year-old but, when they're 14, the rules of the game change,
and they usually need more help.

There's not a cure, but we are optimistic that with proper help and
guidance, people with Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism
can have really good lives. And we hope that as we understand more
about social cognition, more tools and medications will be developed
that might be more specific for social interaction. This research has
attracted a lot of attention, because neural scientists and
geneticists really want to understand what makes us social beings;
there are a lot of broader implications.

Get more powerful parenting tools and tips at
http://www.parentingtoolbox.com

Go Fly a K.I.T.E. - Assertiveness Training for Children

By Ron Huxley, LMFT

Every parent wants their child to be assertive. Don't you? The real question is HOW to go about it. This article is the second installment on teaching your child social skills. Last week we looked at the "Six Essential Social Skills" for children. If you missed it, go to http://www.ParentingToolbox.com/social.html

Assertiveness is a learned skill. Parents can teach their children how to be more assertive by telling them to "Go Fly a K.I.T.E." No, this isn't being rude. It is being assertive! Each letter of the acronym K.I.T.E. explains a different skill to teach children how to be more assertive.

K = Know what you want.

>Before you can be assertive, you have to be clear on what you want to gain. Help your child state specifically what he or she wants from another person or situation. Does he want a bully to treat him respectfully? Does she want to make friends more easily? This can be the most difficult and important step toward being assertive. Make this statement concrete and positive. Don't state: "I don't want you to pick on me anymore." Phrase it positively: "I would like you to play nice with me when we are together." You can even go so far as to state how you want another child to "play nice." The more specific, concrete, and positive, the better your child's chances of getting what he or she wants.

I = Use I messages Vs. You messages

"I" messages start with the word "I." "You" messages start with the word "You." Sounds simple, right? Wrong. In practice, this can be a very difficult way to communicate. That is because children naturally blame others for their thoughts and feelings. They must be taught that they own them and they are in control
of them. "I" messages are less blaming than "You" messages. After you know what you want, you have to ask for what you want. "I" message will increase the chances of getting what you want.

T = Tell others what you want firmly and repeatedly.

Children, and adults, assume that being assertive guarantees that they will get what they want. This simply isn't true. You have no control over what others do or say. Using these steps will increase your chances, and usually have good results, but never guarantee you will get what you want. Therefore, you may have to be very firm and repeatedly express your wants and needs. Most bullies continue to be bullies because they know your child will back down. If they are firm and repeat their wants and needs, they increase their chances even more.

E = Expect change/Evaluate effectiveness.

Most efforts at being assertive fail because we don't really believe they will work in the first place. Expectation is a powerful force in human relationships, either at home or on the playground. Additionally, assertiveness should be considered an "experiment" in getting what you want. If one approach doesn't work, try another. Evaluate how effective your child's assertive behaviors are with others. Talk with him or her about what could be done differently and try that next time. This teaches problem solving skills, which are an important element in social skill development. So, the next time your child comes to you with a problem with a friend or bully, tell him to "go fly a K.I.T.E."

Get more ways to manager anger at http://angertoolbox.com/join.html

and I have a poem that relates to parenting...actually, it relates to a child who is hyperactive. Hope you like it:

wiggle and squiggle

you wiggle and squiggle
and squirm in your seat
if you don't sit still
you wont get a treat

you squeak and squak
and talk all the time
if you cant be quiet
you wont get a dime

you tease and squeeze
and bother your neighbor
if you don't mind your business
you'll have to do labor

you try to please
and play so nice
you want to be good
but cant do it twice

you talk to doctors
and talk to dad
even the dog doesnt
know why your so bad

some say its a problem
in your brain
like having no conductor
driving a train

others say its normal
and not to worry
just be a kid
dont try to hurry

it is so confusing
but one thing is clear
my family loves me
from here to here

I was recently invited to join a group of online self growth experts at http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/ron_huxley.html

There you can learn a little more about me and view other experts in a wide variety of topics. Enjoy!

I don't have to tell you that stress has a negative effect on your family do I? One of the most common ways of coping with stress is to use anger. Anger discharges our stress but does so in destructive ways making the situation worse. If not managed, this vicious stress and anger cycle can do some serious family damage.

As a special gift I have complied some practical tips on how to Bust Stress and Beat Anger. It is called:

"The Stress Buster Ebook"

and you can get it for no charge at
http://www.angertoolbox.com/TheStressBusterEbook.pdf

WAIT > I do have one request that you give it away to at least one
other person online. We all experience the negative effects of stress
in our lives. It is time to bust that stress and take back control of
frustration and anger.

Get it now > http://www.angertoolbox.com/TheStressBusterEbook.pdf

Share it with others...

Live stress free!

Ron Huxley
http://www.angertoolbox.com
http://www.parentingtoolbox.com

Stop Fighting with Your Fighting Children Today

How many times have your told (ok, yelled) your children to stop
fighting. Perhaps you even used the word: "Please" first. This
usually ends up in you fighting with your children about their
fighting, leaving you frustrated and angry. Perhaps you said a few
things in the process you later regreted! As a parent, I have been
there and done that too. Your children may have felt rejected and
shamed.

You may have thought that if your children would only stop fighting,
you wouldn't have to yell or fight with them. While that could be
true, the better angle is to take the responsibility you have as a
parent and start making a conscience choice to find another solution
to fighting. A family fight is something that you should be looking
to totally eliminate from your life and the life of your children.
It starts with the parent.

When I say that you must rid your life of fighting altogether, then
you need to know exactly the kind of fighting that I am referring
to. Fighting can take many forms. It means to participate in verbal
exchanges which involve intense anger, rage, and sometimes physical
abuse to your children.

Fighting with your kids also means to have verbal assaults on each
other by rehashing the same old drama over and over again until your
children are so frustrated that they become emotionally immobilized.
Is this the kind of "healthy fighting" that you and your kids are
going through? Do you still agree that is is "Ok" to have such
negativity in the house?

If you genuinely want to eliminate fighting in your home with the
children, then you absolutely must come to a decision yourself. And
it does not involve waiting for your children to change. You must
officially make fighting a thing of the past. It means that you must
take a vow and refuse to raise children in an atmosphere of violence,
both physical and mental. It means choosing love over anger, each
and every time.

Now you can find literally thousands of new tools to help you as a
parent when you join the ParentingToolbox.com at

http://parentingtoolbox.com

Experience with anger may leave you with the idea that all anger is bad. Yelling at your children for cooperation doesn't leave you feeling very positively. Watching your children fight when they are angry doesn't give you any warm feelings either. But, anger does have it's purpose in our lives and can teach us a thing or two about how to have healthier, happier relationships.

Here are five ways that anger can be a good thing:

1. Anger protects. When your child is in danger your mind will automatically kick into a “fight or flight” reaction that can result in anger. You don't have time to stop and ponder a course of action when your child is in the middle of the street! Anger short cuts our thinking brain to allow us to act quickly. This is natures way of protecting your family from harm.

2. Anger signals. The purpose of anger is to destroy problems in our lives, not our relationships. When something needs to dramatically change, anger not only lets you know but it gives you the power to do something about it. For example, if your child's doctor wont listen to your concerns, getting angry can stir things up and get a problem diagnosed and solved.

3. Anger rules. Your child left his toys all over the house again! Tired of yelling at your child to get his cooperation. That only reinforces the annoying behavior. Your anger may be telling you that expectations are too high, the rule is not clear enough, or that you are not following through on consequences consistently. Use the energy of your anger to communicate the rule (again) and then follow it up with consistent, age appropriate discipline.

4. Anger talks. What we say to ourselves affects our emotional state. If we tell ourselves we are bad parents then we may act like bad parents. If we tell ourselves we are doing the best we can under stressful circumstances we will react with less hostility and frustration. Practice listening to that little "anger voice" and challenge some of the misperceptions you hold of yourself and your child. Ask some honest friends to help you be objective in your inner inventory. If want you are saying to yourself is true, use this information to make changes in your parent/child relationship.

5. Anger teaches. Our anger management styles are learned from our own parents. If Mom was a yeller, we may follow her example, even if we vowed never to yell at your kids. Fortunately, if you learned one anger expression style you can learn another. Separate the idea that feeling anger is bad. That is natural and unavoidable but what you do with those hot emotions is completely under your control -- with some practice. Allow yourself permission to find new ways to cope with daily parenting hassles by taking a class or reading a book on anger management.

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