oh my fucking god



i can't wait till this hits theaters!

Children behave
Thats what they say when were together
And watch how you play
They dont understand
And so were

Chorus:
Running just as fast as we can
Holdin on to one anothers hand
Tryin to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I think were alone now
There doesnt seem to be anyone around
I think were alone now
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

Look at the way
We gotta hide what were doin
cause what would they say
If they ever knew
And so were

Repeat chorus

I think were alone now
There doesnt seem to be anyone around
I think were alone now
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers

50. Quantum Leap  (i think)
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation   (again, i think i've seen this...not sure if it was this version)
36. Father Ted

35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama (pretty sure)
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who (new version)

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica (new version)
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends (i own them)
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons

what the hell did i ever do to you?

left my mom that nice pink note on her windshield. the one with the non-working number. the one that said:


Hey Jes!

Congrats on being pregnant!
Have you told Donovan yet?
Tell me everything!

Call Me
276-5882



so now my mother is being all hysterical and angry at me, and all i want to know is WHO THE FUCK would do something like that?! seriously. i thought we all had grown past stupid high school bullshit, but i guess i was wrong.

in case you either don't check myspace, or don't have one but love The Cruxshadows:


Hello Everyone-


It's true. We did it. I am very happy to tell you that Jessica and I are now... married:-)

The details: We wed in Charleston, South Carolina, in the Historic District. The ceremony was held in the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist. It was a beautiful mass in one of the oldest and most engaging cathedrals in the United States. The church was filled with red poinsettias. It was really gorgeous. The music was a mixture of pieces from Bach, Schubert, Mendelssohn, Pachelbel, Clarke, & others, all arranged for, and performed by, pipe-organ, strings, and voice. We were married on December 29th, which is technically the Fifth Day of Christmas. Traditionally speaking, Christmas lasts 12 days, from the 25th to the 6th of January... like the song;-) Previously, over the course of our relationship, I have given jessica 4 gold rings... So the fifth one was her wedding band, and it came on an appropriate day:-)

We left the church in a Cinderella-style horse drawn carriage, and arrived at the original Citadel from the Civil War era, now converted from a fortress into a hotel. There we had a two part reception . First, hors d'oeuvres were served in the indoor Atrium, a glass inclosed area in the heart of the structure. The guests were gathered by the central fountain where we had a string quartet playing. Jessica and I posed for a few photos while guests got to know each other. We then proceeded to dinner, served in the Main Ballroom. As it was Christmas, the decorations were elegantly inspired by The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The flowers were predominantly Calais Lilies, and the arrangements were stunning. There were ostrich feathers, origami, and even those candied almonds. On every table white pumpkins with Jack Skellington's face glowed with candlelit eyes and smiles, as the room slowly and subtly shifted through a spectrum of color in a seemingly magical feat of lighting (designed by CXS' very own lightman Zak Wilson). The cake was an incredible "hatters" style creation, decorated in fondant, wrapped in a cascade of sugar calais lilies spiraling around each tier, topped by a hand blown glass Jack and Sally. Each part was flavored differently: hummingbird, carrot cake, or strawberry. (hummingbird is a traditional southern flavor- honey & pineapple). And a huge ice sculpture of spiral hill was prominently placed near the entryway. During dinner our string quartet played a selection which included arrangements from The Nightmare Before Christmas, Harry Potter, and even The Addams Family!, Afterwards our favorite Disc Jockey- DJ Ian Fford of NYC- got people dancing.



There is so much more... so many wonderful, magical details that I couldn't even begin to tell... so i put up a gallery and you can see some of it for yourself. You can find it here. (www.cruxshadows.com/Wedding/index.html) The page is large and takes a while to load, so be patient. Its worth the wait;-) In looking at photos you might also notice that Steve & Donna of Ego likeness, DJ Ian Fford, Athan Maroulis of Spahn Ranch, and our former dancer Beth, are all among the members of the wedding party.

And while we are on the subject of weddings... Former violinist Rachel McDonnell also tied the knot. She was married two weeks ago in South Florida. On behalf of myself, the band, and the fans, I wish to congratulate her and wish her the upmost happiness. Happy Wedding thoughts to Rachel & Harry:-)




OK- Now that the wedding is over and Jessica and I are back from our Honeymoon, I have some other important announcements to make.

First, George Bikos has decided to retire from the Cruxshadows. It actually happened after our tour in 2007, but we agreed we should keep things quiet for the time being... at least until we could find a suitable replacement, particularly with the wedding occupying so much of our time. George started playing with us a few years ago after Stacey Campbell left the band. George's personality clicked with us early on, and he became an integral part of CXS, particularly on tour. His stage presence, his friendly yet unassuming nature, and his unmistakable personal style made him a favorite among our fans, and we appreciate all of his hard work and contributions over the years.

Even though we will miss him, we are very happy to add that he and dancer Sarah Poulos became engaged to be married recently. They moved back home to St. Petersburg in order to be closer to their parents. Although Sarah Poulis has voiced some interest in reappearing with CXS at some point in the future, she has chosen to become inactive with the band in order to spend her time with her mother and her new fiance.

George made the following statement by email addressing the fans:

"To all the fans... I know some of you may be a little upset that I have decided to leave the cruxshadows, but know that I did it for a reason. Many of you already know that me and Sarah are planning on getting married and that, coupled with my father's failing health and, honestly, a little bit of old fashioned home sickness was just a little too much. I decided it would be better to get back in school and educate myself to support all the babies Sarah wants:) You can't exactly take twelve babies on a nine month tour!!! Anyways I just wanted to wish everyone well... This is goodbye, but not farewell... Horhey out like a light in the night..."

Sarah sent the following statement:

"While this pains me to no end, I must inform you all that I will no longer be permanately touring with the Cruxshadows. I love what I do. I love the music, I love the fans, and I love the scene. Unfortunately, my family comes first. My mother was diagnosed with a pretty awful disease, and I felt it necessary to move back home to be closer to her. This obviously does not work well with the band's pretty hefty practice and touring schedule. When you add that to my upcoming wedding and house purchase, it makes for a pretty difficult life decision. So after long talks, (and a few shedding of the tears) it was decided that it would be better if I was no longer a permanent fixture of the band. We all hope that I can someday dance and sing with the band again...maybe on some short tours or even DragonCon, who knows? Nothing is ever final. I love you all and I feel blessed to have have had you in my life. The past 4 years have been some of the best and most amazing, and I owe most of that to you. Without you this opportunity would have never entered my life in the first place. So thank you. Live, love, be, believe...(in fairies :)"

We wish Sarah and George much success and happiness in their life together.

Which leads us to...this.

We are very pleased to announce that our new guitar player will be Valerie Gentile. Val is from New York City and has been playing guitar for most of her life. She has a bachelors degree in music business and audio recording technology. She's a skilled player, a longtime fan of CXS, and a really cool person (actually she rocks:-). Val worked as a studio engineer, a studio guitarist, and has played bass & guitar on stage for a handful of bands in the NYC area. Additionally, she is a talented vocalist who can also play bass, keyboards, and drums. We believe she will be a very positive addition to Cruxshadows and we hope that all of our fans will make her feel welcome in her new role. Here's some pics in case you were curious...





Other quick notes:

We have begun booking shows in Europe starting in July. We will be on tour in Europe through the Summer and will start booking for Fall in North America, so keep an eye on that in the coming months.

Some of you might have noticed Cruxshadows on CSI. Yes, it's true. A fictional fan of the band was thrown out of a window to her death, and her dorm room filled with Cruxshadows posters became the crime scene. We were sad that the CXS fan ended up dead... but Hey- it's prime-time TV! The episode is called Goodbye & Good Luck and if you missed it you can buy it for $1.99 in the iTunes store- If you have itunes, just click here to check it out.

We are actively auditioning violin players and dancers. We will be making a selection soon, but there is still time to be considered. If you or someone you know is interested, please email us. A performance sample, recent photo, and brief bio are encouraged. But please act quickly, with a European tour only months away, there is no time to delay.

That's all for now- But there will be more news soon...

Live Love Be Believe-

Rogue

my boyfriend is allergic to me(as in has an asthma attack anytime i try to curl up with him/be near him/sleep in the same bed as him).

my mother won't stop harping on me about getting my license and insurance(which i can't thanks to the 252.82 and 130 in debt i am because of James always taking my paychecks and not letting me put money in my now closed bank account to pay for his car insurance, which he somehow conned me into putting in my name).

and to top it all off, i can't find a job anywhere because this area sucks for jobs right now, so i have no money to buy presents for my boyfriend or friends.(my parents have always had me pick something out for my relatives and they've always payed for those at least)



happy fuckin holidays

Ever wonder which characters your friends find you similar to? Well, I'm asking you who I remind you of. Characters can be from any fandom, list as many as you can think of, along with reasons why. Then repost this to your own journal and see what characters people relate you to.

so, made rice today, and instead of the butter and salt route, i used brown sugar and cinnamon


it was good :)

Happy Birthday girl!

lately life has been pretty laid back.

mostly just hanging out at the house watching movies, playing games, and watching my roommates raiding on WOW.




random personal reminder that no one will understand:

February 13th, 2009

Author: Resources For Living Staff
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whether it is divorce, an intimate relationship or engagement, or suffering the death of a loved one, finding relief from the intense feelings of a breakup is not easy. We are saying good-bye to part of our dreams, part of our life, part of our very self. It is said that when someone loses an arm, the nerve endings continue to signal that the arm is present for a very long time. Our mind feels trapped into thinking over and over about the relationship even though in our aching hearts we know it is over – we are detached forever.

You are a unique person and to you your hurt is much more than anyone else has ever experienced. Those who have experienced “breaking up” give the following advice:

Realize that the stages of grieving can accompany any breakup. We readily associate grief with death. Perhaps you are familiar with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s “stages of dying.” Those facing death want to deny the fact; they feel depressed or angry; they may try to bargain their way out; some come to a peaceful acceptance. The death of a relationship also requires us to grieve.

Accept that breakups happen. That’s a hard fact to grasp, and so the feelings may be wrenching. The security offered by a warm, supportive relationship – friendship, marriage or career – is what we’re all looking for in life. No one willingly wants to give that up.

Sometimes, when breakup time comes, we have some control. Other times we have none at all. A friend of mine was abruptly told by her spouse that he wanted to end the marriage. “I was forced to accept a reality that was not attractive,” she says, “and, frankly, that’s one of the hardest things to do.”

Consider your choices. You do have choices. That might not always be obvious when the breakup is all you can think about. When my friend realized that her marriage was over, she felt her world crumbling around her.

What were her choices? It was useless to fight the breakup. She soon found her spouse was determined to separate. She felt an urge to run, but running away would not change the situation. She could simply freeze – do nothing – just sit and stare at her wedding ring. Such extreme denial might have offered some comfort, but it meant withdrawing from life.

None of these choices would work in the long run though they were appealing in the emotion of the breakup. My friend finally chose to accept the breakup and go on with her life and career. Her emotional survival depended on searching out more realistic choices.

Befriend your feelings. Feelings are personal. No one can tell you how you should feel – not your mother, not your best friend. Only you know the implications of what’s happened. No one else can describe what that’s like – and sometimes you may have trouble doing it yourself!

And yet that’s what you must do. Here are some ways others have found helpful:

1. Talk out loud to yourself about your feelings – whether you feel angry, overwhelmingly sad, or mystifyingly helpless.
2. Write down your feelings and thoughts. Writing is a way of looking at feelings through your mind. They may seem more manageable when put on paper.
3. Have a funeral. Write an obituary, outline a sermon, have a burial of a letter you write to the one you are breaking up with. This helps you drive a stake in the ground that you can look back on and see the distance increasing as the days, weeks, and months go by.
4. Write a letter to your ex-lover that you never mail. Read it the next day, burn it the next.
5. Go slow. Only you know when you have reached a point where you can accept the loss.



Copyright 2005 Resources For Living. All rights reserved.

I went to pick up some clothes from the house today. The neighbr called James' parents and she also bitched at me about getting a hold of James to talk about the ferrets and getting me off the lease. As Terran and I were leaving, James' parents pulled up and informed me that if I ever go to the house without James or his parents there his dad would call the police.

So James, tell you what. Give me a day when I can get my stuff while you are there, without your crutches, and I will remove all of my stuff, and leave all of yours. I will be out of your life forever.

So, I'm over at Matt and Missy's place right now, just chillin after finding my new place to live. It's gorgeous, I really can't wait for October to get here.

The concert was amazing! I wish I had a PC cable to hook my phone up so I could show them off, but I don't, plus my stupid plan won't allow photo texting.

I'm slightly annoyed that I can't go to Orlando, but the car is acting strange and D's slightly worried about the drive back as it is. I really wanted to see J.Me and Dev and Ernesto, and maybe go grab a bite to eat or something after they got out of class.


well, that's pretty much it for right now, gonna go be sociable in the living room now

so, after I got the first letter from "Tony", Terry talked to him. I received this letter last night:


short and simple, i have read a few of your blogs/surveys you have done and they weren't anything mature or demure in nature. i don't think you understand, i dont have to physically hurt anyone to ruin lives and my comment (threat) about my marines was well fitted. i like terry he is a good man and doesn't deserve any of the childish bullshit you are involving him in. james hasn't spoken a word of you two, i have made my observations only through things you have written online, and also i don't appreciate being called insane, you have no idea of the things i am capable of that could possibly make anyone think i were insane or extremely dangerous, so choose your words a little more wisely next time! i don't hate you i just think you need to be educated in the ways of maturity because i know how much you contributed to living in that house, and it wasn't anythying near what you should have put in, as for the intamicy between you two i know nothing of and don't chose to get involved in i think you donovan and james need to get together and work out your differences and solve the problem. i expect that you won't be running your mouth because your most recent comment really set off a nerve but you know i have tried to remain mature in this and don't plan to involve myself at your level but insane hun, i have been nothing but nice and supportive to you and to your relatioship but i think you have run your mouth where you really shouldn't have! if you think i am insane i would love to hear what grounds you have to support those ridiculous ideas. oh well i don't care to hear them but i am sure you won't show anyone this being that it really doesn't favor you and what you have apparently been telling your friends.
good by and good luck in tampa i hope you don't put anyone in a situation like this again. it doesn't make for very good friendships, well ones with trust that is!
tony










I'm sick and tired of this....I can't wait to get to Tampa and away from all this BS.

I recieved this message from Tony on myspace:

i have to try this nicely because you know full well i am not always the nicest of individuals, but i have known you for a long time and would like to think of you as somewhat family so please read this whole thing!!! i understand things in life don't always turn out the way you want them to and trust me i am a prime example of bad shit happening to people but i have to ask you to do a favor if not for me but for you and your new friends. please stop bad mouthing james espescially online, he doesn't deserve that no matter how bad you claim he treated you. love is hard and losing love is even harder, i have been there, but don't have bad breaks because it can only lead to a lot of pain for a lot of people! i hope you are still reading this because there s still a little more, i think you know that what you are saying and doing although might feel good to do with pertanance to you and james and you hurting james but it needs to stop, because if you don't it will hurt you not just in the long run. it can have a short term effect on you and your friends around you that are your new crew. i am not threatening you but i do have to admit that james although sometimes hard to handle cares for you and just wants the best for you and you are hurting him and as his brother i have to look out for him, which in turn means that if this malicious attack at james's character does not cease, i will take it into my own hands to correct the problem. now as you know i am in command of approximatley 45 marines who i have either saved their lives or hve been there with them through the worst of times. this means that they would do anything i ask them to do, even if it is bodily or property damage to people, you won't be hurt i promise you but your friends will be in trouble... i know many law enforcement officers in charlotte county and it would be a horrible shame to be a part of a hit drug bust which can process in court with 2-5 years of jail time depending on how much they "find" on the premacise and you know me well enough to know that i don't bluff! please respond with your decision in a timely fashion. i will take your lack of response as a direct and disrespectful no! which means the game begins in my court. i hope that this email doesn't offend you and that you understand that this is only in the best interest of us all! please feel free to ask me anything when you respond and don't take to much offense to it, which does not mean disregard everything i have said it simply means that your immature actions have lead to this and i don't want you to take it too personal. if i don't recieve a response by friday morning i will accept that as an invitation to take action my way!
tony





I don't know what James has been saying to everyone, but i would like to have a chance to tell my side of it.

I'm sorry you think that i've been a bitch, but I do not apperciate you having your brother threaten me and my friends. I'll be out of your house in a few weeks, and then you will never have to see me again.

been spending a lot of time in PC at D's place just hangin with him and Terry'n'Angie, Noob, and Erich.

I'm moving to Tampa in October, we're going to look at some houses while we're in town for the Birthday Massacre concert next weekend.

D's been sick most this week, making him go to the doctor tomorrow since he woke up to late today, and he has too much to do today.

I wish i would be able to take the ferrets with me to Tampa, but Basty would probably kill them, and plus we're going to be tight on money for the first month or so. Hopefully I can keep my job at Wal Mart till then, and transfer up to a store in Tampa, so that i'll have some money to help out.

well, got to go make food before i go to work. hopefully i'll have a ride back to the house when i get off work.

We broke up