I think the only reason i hate you is b/c I never was given a good reason as to why you hate me. I'll admit i thought you were very pretty and got shy around you when i first met you, unsure of what you thought of me. then i got to know you, to your friends you were a great person but to those you hated, look out. Again i tryed not to pay attention b/c i thought i could be your friend.....then a falling out. and the names started, you said some very hurtful things and practicaly disowned people who were friends of those you were aganst. that included me.
yet now you've made up with some of them and i'm told what an amazing friend you are, and when i try to reach out to you i'm told it's not a good idea, b/c you never liked me.
All i want to know is why? i think i deserve that.
so it's come down to this, but hell it needs to be done
either way this is a friend cut if you feel you were deleted unfairly and have a good reason as to why i should add you back tell me other wise the only people i'm keeping on this list i: 1.have alot in common with 2.know personally 3. are heathly (mentaly) for me to be around 4. are my real life friend
but now i'm at holliester, i'm the visual merch. there
*sighs* the love life has been sucky still,nothing new there but on the bright side i gots a phone number for a very lovely lady the other day it made my fricken week
otakon is coming up, i fear the drama, what with the whole issues i've been haviong lately, thank god i have my boys to back me up and protect me from nasty stalkers and freaks out there
you know who you are you weirdos
i have quite a bit many costumes to take with me, my favorites are Ome of air gear and Karin of Naruto, and of course my prize Jibril
i can't wait to see everyone......well see most people
well i'm full on confused right now, some of you know what i'm talking about.
it's the person i like, i'm not gunna name them incase they read this i'll be too embarressed to look at them again. so lets just call them 'jinny'
well, the other night i told jinny that i liked them, but i think they may of taken it as i like you as a friend not as i like you, which is how i ment for it to be. maybe i should just give it more time you know
they are still hurt by there last realtionship, as am i.......
*sighs*
maybe i'm just a wishful thinker, hoping for soemthing that wont happen..... i invitem jinny to bikkinicon, my cosplay pool party, they said they'll try and come to the best of there abilitys, i hope they make it.
on a different note
i hate nicks friends...justin most of all, and the chubby one, i hate them both justin talks shit on me to nick all the time, even have names for me like 'blood sucking women' or the old stand by 'whore'
b/c you know, nick never did anyting wrong....not like he didn't break my heart time and time again.......no not at all
and then theres iris......i just dont like the bitch..........thats all
well i'm gunne go eat some mac and cheese and watch the food network
i took a massive step today, i shut down my xanga, it feels like i killed off this huge part of me, but it was full of horrible memorys of past relationships and high school BS so i guess it's just best that i never look at it again.
i got muffins in the oven, nice.....
^_^* i found myself on 4chan, at least they weren't saying i was fat.......just a picture of me and niisan as maya and shin
well.........it's been odd lately......i had a funny dream....about niisan......god i have issues......
the chinchila died today, my mom cryed, i handled it like an adult, buried it in the back yard
my sakura costume is pissing me off, i may have to sit fate/stay out this time around if it doesn't start going my way, still waiting for a wig to come in the mail.
i'm so tired of old swingers hitting on me
no i dont want to hear your band b/c i bet my arm they fucking suck
asians dont do everything better..........for fuck sake........
okay anger over.........................god i need a hug.............
so i've been thinking lately, why do i suck at relationships?
well, maybe i'm just picky, maybe i need to just calm down. or maybe people need to be educated and talk like a normal person without referencing 4chan or something totaly stupid every 10 seconds.
maybe i should open up, let people in easyer.....................ohhh yeah that will work...........................
perhaps i should not be as shy as i am around someone i like..... ....................well that one can't be helped, i suck at telling someone how i feel so i revert to the old 2nd grader crap of making fun of someone and running away
it could be that i'm just up tight............................no no...................i effing hate stupidity...................dont fuck with me on that stuff........................
should i show off the lady parts more?.................well i dont wear pants on a normal basies and most days i dont care...........
*sigh* maybe i should i give up.................who knows, i'm still holding out on that 'someone just for me' stuff..........god i feel emo right now..........
any way on a lighter note, i got to ride on the motorcycle with my dad last night, i haven't done that in like 2 years, it was fun, i forgot how itchy it makes your legs though, from the wind hitting it. also i got a new job at the 579 in parkcity, they seem nice and it's a small place so hopefully there will be less dramu then at old navy with all those damned high schoolers and bible beaters..........but who knows
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rebel_deep_blue's journal
creative
disappointed
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unsure of myself
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