Got out of the office today, which meant traipsing through the forest, machete in hand, killing nature that got in my way.

Well, I think so Brain, but... balancing a family and a career? Ooh. Its all too much for me!

Well, I think so Brain, but if they called them SadMeals, kids wouldn't buy them!

I think so Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

I think so Brain, but it's a miracle that this one grew back (holding left leg).

Uh, yeah Brain... but where are we going to find rubber pants in our size?

I think so Brain, but the Rockettes?, I mean its mostly girls, isn't it?

Well, I think so, Brain, but if Clark Kent wore contact lenses, wouldn't he look just like Superman?

http://blather.newdream.net/a/areyouponderingwhati_mpondering.html
http://www.patman.org/interests/comics/ponderings.asp

I googled myself today... I've done it in the past and I've been like the first three pages, now I'm the first 5 pages. Not sure how I feel about that. Not really important stuff though. But I found that a photo of mine was credited and used on the KEXP blog!

Bill Moyers interviews the Reverend Jeremiah Wright in his first broadcast interview with a journalist since he became embroiled in a controversy for his remarks and his relationship with Barack Obama.

If you have time I highly recommend you see the video on PBS.Org

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

( Meme )

When I first started going to school I went to study Bio-medical Engineering. I was very interested in brain machine interfaces (BMI), ways to control electronic devices with interpreted brain activity.

Emotiv Systems has made the gaming device that I imagined being a part of the development for. Called the Emotiv EPOC™ the headset "uses a set of sensors to tune into electric signals naturally produced by the brain to detect player thoughts, feelings and expression." The release is planned for late this year, you can reserve one online for the initial release. Most importantly it will ship with software to map keystroke and mouse commands to interpreted brain activity.

A little bit of web history resurfaced yesterday and today. The Game Neverending Prototype, which influenced the creation of Flickr, popped back into existence. It was live back in '02-03. It was in the tradition of MUDs and to my mind represents a solidification of many of the concepts of Web 2.0 just before the technologies appeard, specifically AJAX, that would facilitate the evolution.

All that being said, I was silly happy to see everyone and be back in the game after 5 years. It was an amazing community that loved to play creatively.

And it was soo nice to see my house in Cheerio again...

A large duffel bag hung awkwardly askew across my chest, my messenger bag hung opposite.
In tow was the rest of my belongings in a wheeled suitcase.

Leaving failures behind me
I entered the airport's departures hall.

In a row of seats against the tall glass windows near my airline's check-in desk sat an aging woman.
Paper birds trapped in silent flight hung overhead.
Her hair was now peppered,
her features were now heavy with loss.

She had travelled several hours by bus and train to say goodbye,
    again.

A few awkward words were exchanged as I removed my bags,
    and we hugged.
Fear, loathing, longing and love welled up.
This moment lived in dreams and nightmares a decade old.

She tried to apologize to the boy I once was,
but for everything that wouldn't matter to a nine year old boy.
She didn't apologize for leaving.

I absolved my mother without giving her forgiveness, explaining
I would not be the person I was in that moment if it was not for the life that lead me to it,
and I realized I liked who I was in that moment.

This is the first time that I've written down an idea and let it evolve over several drafts. I finished this draft yesterday after trying to explain what I like in poetry. I wrote:

My aesthetic for poetry is distinct, subjective, and personal. I usually prefer free verse. I appreciate grand ideas presented with simple language (but there are exceptions). And I am fond of emotionally charged imagery. I don't regard my opinion as being definitive of any widely held aesthetic but just that, an opinion. Which is all to say I know what I like and its very possibly not whats popular.

My latest paper project about 2/5 done. The wave form varies in height based on the sine wave.

Moose Drool cans in the ceiling of the food shack at the bottom of chairs 4, 5 and 6 at Mt. Baker

E.T. came to the ginger bread neighborhood...

I had a thought and it fell away between the paint cans and their wintry shadows
It was near the ink sketches of intricate leaf patterns
      laced over cartoon tree forests and stick figure animals
      grazing by a fresh mountain stream
Past the twice emptied coffee pot
Found on the backs of breakfast tickets
Below the angsty teen's coffee stained journal
Beyond the solemn lighthouse and misting breakers

Radiators full blast
Sun glaring off lacquered table tops
Even at noon the winter sun casts shadows twice as long as they are tall
      making the scalloped shadows of paint cans
      like the exaggerated eaves of gingerbread houses

The paint project is still on hold
      can't decided between a warm tenuous red and a soft safe yellow.

---

I truly did have a thought. By the time I had sat down and opened my journal I forgot what it was. And instead of shutting the journal I made a point of writing something down. At first it was a train of thought free write recalling recent memories. Incorporated a few lines from elsewhere in the journal, and by the end I felt catharsis.

I slipped back into a mindset marked with purposeless anxiety about a month ago and I'm only recently finding my way back out. Things like sketching and writing help because I have to let go of so much anxiety just to start. And when I'm done I usually look back and am happy pleased. All the while I've been unsure what to think of, or do, with several friendships/relationships.

I left my grandparents house so sad but elated. They are joking about death, but its not that far off. More than anything though, they are happy about the life they have lived and are currently living. They take in stride the struggles that have come their way that are out of their control.

Before getting in the car to leave I told my grandpa that I loved both of them. I don't think I've ever said that to either of them. As I drove away I realized that was only the beginning of what I wanted to say. They mean so much to me. Throughout my life they have been so supportive but never controlling. They have always been available but not invasive. They never had expectations. So many memories to cherish.

It took me so long to get in touch with my grandparents. The guilt and associated anxiety of not keeping in touch made it that much easier to not find time (avoid contact). I'm realizing the guilt serves no purpose.

Roadside blur

Faux aged Mt. Shuksan

Seen on my walk to work.

LiveJournal sold to Russia's SUP
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7124541.stm

To Russia With Love: Six Apart Casts Off LiveJournal
http://blog.wired.com/monkeybites/2007/12/six-apart-casts.html