Rann Aridorn (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} rann) wrote,@ 2004-10-18 13:25:00 |
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It's time for another edition of "Look at all the sucky stuff this fandom offers on Fanfiction.net!"
On today's episode of LAATSSTFOOFF.net, we have what is probably a mostly forgotten fandom of a cartoon that, despite it trying to open your mouth and shove learning down your throat with nothing approaching subtlety, still stands the test of time and is pretty durned entertaining... Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego?
The series was, of course, based on the series of clue-finding games, starring the brother and sister team of Zack and Ivy as they teleported around the globe trying to catch cunning (and really hot) criminal and ex-agent, Carmen Sandiego. (She's a hot redhead in parachuting gear. He's her skater-boy younger brother. Together, they fight crime!)
Interestingly enough, despite the series not lasting terribly long and being about a decade or so old, it has 71 fanfics up on Fanfiction.net, a surprising number that not even some of the more established/current fandoms match. So, let's take a look at just how hard some of these are going to suck, just by looking at the summaries, shall we?
Now, first, I can tell just from glancing that this entire listing is going to be frought with "OMG R&R PUHLEEEEEEEEZE!!!!", so it will take some added stupidity to make the list, especially with over seventy fics to choose from.
1. The Many Adventures of Carmen and Sandiego by Goslin reviews
Top agent in her field - Carmen - has a partner forced on her. A man who calls himself Sandiego. Together, they must fight crime and restore justice and peace to forgotten lands...but not before they argue themselves to death... pls read and review! Chec
... Uh-huh. I guess this is the author's attempt to not only write a Gary Stu, but a Gary Stu that dramatically influences a pivotal character before we ever see them in the series. Carmen. Sandiego. Why, I wonder if that's his LAST name? Oh goodness me, did I figure something out? But the author was so clever!
2. Sincerely by Mirei E.C reviews
..."There was a risk to this caper she had never taken before. Carmen Sandiego was about to make the most daring and original move of her career."
Unfortunately, it was preempted by her being forced to star in a bad fanfic!
4. New Face by Soul Reaver reviews
Ivy is paired up with a British SAS operative between the years 2000-2004. A little closer to the storyline of the cartoon than my other recent fics. Contains a little of everything.
Whee, more Gary Stu-age. And considering that you're breaking up the team from the cartoon and setting it well after the series aired, exactly how close can it BE?
5. We Are Thieves by Leonia reviews
Carmen is trying to figure out who's murdering her old friends. A rising thief wants nothing to do with Carmen. (I know the summary sucks. Please R&R.)
Here's some advice. People generally won't think you can write a very good fanfic if you admit that you can't even write a good summary of YOUR OWN FANFIC.
Oh lord, we're only on number five, I've had to hit them all so far... this could last awhile.
7. A Question of Principle by C.C. Machevelli reviews
Carmen comes face to face with multi-millionare Jida von Chera Jerard, who enters the criminal underworld and offers the world famous thief some real competition.
Will there never be an end to the Gary Stus?! Even Harry Potter fandom isn't THIS choked with the authors' fantasy avatars...
8. Seven Days by Theodore Hawkwood reviews
A Kingdom HeartsWOEICS crossover. Zack, Ivy, and a mysterious visitor from another world have seven days to stop the Heartless before the world of Britannica launches a full scale military intervention on Zack and Ivy's world...
... Whu?
11. With This Ring by sarahfan reviews
Josha proposes to Ivy..but Carmen has her sights on her ring... Be warned, this story deals with JoshaIvy
Yeah, because we all know Carmen would pull some stupid, petty stunt like that just to be an ass. ... Well, okay, admittedly, she might, but c'mon.
14. Carmen Where are you? by OutlawOoR reviews
The carmen sandiego battle in awesome awesomeness.
... "battle in awesome awesomeness"?
Oh, sure, they'll boot NC-17 fics off, but THIS they're perfectly happy to host...
17. Man Stands Alone by Soul Reaver reviews
Ivy helps a close friend, Tara, understand the grief of a social outcast...Rated PG-13 for harsh language and description of violence
Doesn't "Tara" have a livejournal for this kind of shit?
25. As Obvious as a Leopard's Spots by Jelfia Maleak reviews
Ivy's friend from Acme traing has come for a visit. Carman has started to steal cat items. what is the conection(there is a Carman Hogan fic under Hogan's Heroes in TV catagory)
One hardly knows where to begin with this one. The obvious Gary Stu? This strange character "Carman", perhaps an automobile-themed superhero? The apparant non-sequitor at the end? Who can truly say, with stupidity this enormous, mocking almost falls flat.
27. Carmen's Daughter and....? by Gazzy reviews
Carmen has sent her daughter to ACME and she might fall in love...Now Chapter 2 is up
I mean, seriously people, this is uncannily like all those stereotypes of bad Harry Potter fics. Instead of Voldemort's-daughter-attending-Hogwarts-M
28. Secrets From the Past by Mona reviews
Carmen's constant companion, Martin Shapiro, finds a scrapbook highlighting the highpoints (and lowpoints) of Carmen's life. Now complete.
Her constant companion who is apparently invisible and inaudible, considering that she's known for posing dramatically atop her purloined object BY HERSELF? But what am I saying? Canon logic holds no power over a Gary Stu!
43. Winds of Time by shadowwolf75 reviews
Finally got the guts to reupload this . . . as for the fic: I don't feel like putting a summary, so just read it!
If you can't be bothered to do a summary, I can't be bothered to do much more than raise a finger to you. Wanna guess which one it'll be? Ooo, yup, it's THAT ONE!
45. Sim Style: Livin' Large by Leonia reviews
After Zack buys The Sims, he gets the first expansion pack for the game--Livin' Large. What hijinks ensue this time around?
... Honestly, you'd expect a fandom to have to be a lot bigger and more popular before getting to this level of inanity. o.O I mean, I can actually see this in bigger fandoms, and depending on who wrote it it wouldn't be so bad, but I was surprised whenarkhaine revealed that he remembered the series, let alone that it would have a following. I didn't even expect it to HAVE a section on FF.net, but it's apparently big enough that it can spawn stuff like... well, that.
48. Everywhere by Leonia reviews
PG-13 for some strong language used...a songfic based on the events of 9-11-01. Ivy's best friend is killed that day, and it seems she's everywhere, long after 9-11...
... Carmen Sandiego 9/11 fic? Okaaaaaaaay...
49. Memories of the Days Gone By by Leonia reviews
Michael and Azalea need to find out who killed Zack and Ivy and why, after leaving the asylum in Seattle.
Why, how convenient! Have the actual main characters killed off so that your self-inserts can supplant them, and surpass them by solving their murder! What genius!
*raises finger, blows raspberry*
50. HEADACHES by Dr. Thinker reviews
How AMCE and VILE both reacted to the news of 9-11-2001.
... MULTIPLE 9/11 fic?!
57. A Tale of Two Outlaws by Belle Book reviews
Carmen decides to go back in time to Los Angeles in the time of Zorro. A crossover between
No, I didn't cut it off, that's where the actual summary ended. But gee, I wonder what it could be a crossover between...?
59. ADOPTED FAMILY by cousin D reviews
ZACK AND IVY GET ADOPTED
OMG U MEAN IT?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!!?!???????????
61. Be Careful What You Wish for... by Lio reviews
Known throughout the WOEICS fanfic community as a fic the author took her good sweet time to finish. Two years of off and on writing amounted in THIS... ug... I'll do a revision sooner or later but.. what? What is it about? Oh! Er... The Chief gets a chan
Known throughout the fanfic community in general as written by a pretentious git who spent so much space self-aggrandizing she ran out of room for the actual summary.
. Khisondhanna by Seldavia reviews
Hailed by even the most critical of Carmen fans, "Khisondhanna" is an intricately written fic that offers action, adventure, drama, and a story and explanation behind all things Carmen...from before her birth to her Khisondhanna. Just what exactly is a "K
See above.
69. Glennan Glennan Sandiego et la DIC inc by Lio reviews
We've finally got our own section! Thank you fanfiction.net! All right, on to the story... What if Zack, Ivy, Carmen and the Chief sued DIC over the last season?
Oooo, metafic. Just when you thought that such an obscure fandom couldn't pack in any more of the cliches of a really large fandom...
And, here are the pair of R-rated fics listed in the category.
1. Transcendence by C.C. Machevelli
As time goes by, Carmen's crimes begin to slow down. Plagued by dreams and thoughts of retirement, she begins to plan her last chase when her path crosses that of a brilliant experimental virologist turned international terrorist, Dr. Ariosto Karyos. Trou
Ooooo, Gary Stu and inevitable angst and horror! Gosh, will wonders never cease!
. Old Ties by Leonia reviews
R for the following things: language, weaponry, violence, death, and animal cruelty. An enemy of Ivy returns to San Francisco and she's unlike anything Ivy remembers...not for young readers. No animals were harmed during the writing of this fic.
See above, just add in the fact that the author thinks she's clever.
So, there you have it. For all its obscurity, the Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? fanfic section manages to have pretty much every single last one of the bad fanfic cliches generally attributed to mega-fandoms such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. All it's missing is some yaoi and mpreg, and I'm sure someone's probably working on those.
This is me, signing off to go curl up in bed and tremble until the bad feeling goes away... the mean fics tried to hurt me, mommy... waaaah... ;.;
On today's episode of LAATSSTFOOFF.net, we have what is probably a mostly forgotten fandom of a cartoon that, despite it trying to open your mouth and shove learning down your throat with nothing approaching subtlety, still stands the test of time and is pretty durned entertaining... Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego?
The series was, of course, based on the series of clue-finding games, starring the brother and sister team of Zack and Ivy as they teleported around the globe trying to catch cunning (and really hot) criminal and ex-agent, Carmen Sandiego. (She's a hot redhead in parachuting gear. He's her skater-boy younger brother. Together, they fight crime!)
Interestingly enough, despite the series not lasting terribly long and being about a decade or so old, it has 71 fanfics up on Fanfiction.net, a surprising number that not even some of the more established/current fandoms match. So, let's take a look at just how hard some of these are going to suck, just by looking at the summaries, shall we?
Now, first, I can tell just from glancing that this entire listing is going to be frought with "OMG R&R PUHLEEEEEEEEZE!!!!", so it will take some added stupidity to make the list, especially with over seventy fics to choose from.
1. The Many Adventures of Carmen and Sandiego by Goslin reviews
Top agent in her field - Carmen - has a partner forced on her. A man who calls himself Sandiego. Together, they must fight crime and restore justice and peace to forgotten lands...but not before they argue themselves to death... pls read and review! Chec
... Uh-huh. I guess this is the author's attempt to not only write a Gary Stu, but a Gary Stu that dramatically influences a pivotal character before we ever see them in the series. Carmen. Sandiego. Why, I wonder if that's his LAST name? Oh goodness me, did I figure something out? But the author was so clever!
2. Sincerely by Mirei E.C reviews
..."There was a risk to this caper she had never taken before. Carmen Sandiego was about to make the most daring and original move of her career."
Unfortunately, it was preempted by her being forced to star in a bad fanfic!
4. New Face by Soul Reaver reviews
Ivy is paired up with a British SAS operative between the years 2000-2004. A little closer to the storyline of the cartoon than my other recent fics. Contains a little of everything.
Whee, more Gary Stu-age. And considering that you're breaking up the team from the cartoon and setting it well after the series aired, exactly how close can it BE?
5. We Are Thieves by Leonia reviews
Carmen is trying to figure out who's murdering her old friends. A rising thief wants nothing to do with Carmen. (I know the summary sucks. Please R&R.)
Here's some advice. People generally won't think you can write a very good fanfic if you admit that you can't even write a good summary of YOUR OWN FANFIC.
Oh lord, we're only on number five, I've had to hit them all so far... this could last awhile.
7. A Question of Principle by C.C. Machevelli reviews
Carmen comes face to face with multi-millionare Jida von Chera Jerard, who enters the criminal underworld and offers the world famous thief some real competition.
Will there never be an end to the Gary Stus?! Even Harry Potter fandom isn't THIS choked with the authors' fantasy avatars...
8. Seven Days by Theodore Hawkwood reviews
A Kingdom HeartsWOEICS crossover. Zack, Ivy, and a mysterious visitor from another world have seven days to stop the Heartless before the world of Britannica launches a full scale military intervention on Zack and Ivy's world...
... Whu?
11. With This Ring by sarahfan reviews
Josha proposes to Ivy..but Carmen has her sights on her ring... Be warned, this story deals with JoshaIvy
Yeah, because we all know Carmen would pull some stupid, petty stunt like that just to be an ass. ... Well, okay, admittedly, she might, but c'mon.
14. Carmen Where are you? by OutlawOoR reviews
The carmen sandiego battle in awesome awesomeness.
... "battle in awesome awesomeness"?
Oh, sure, they'll boot NC-17 fics off, but THIS they're perfectly happy to host...
17. Man Stands Alone by Soul Reaver reviews
Ivy helps a close friend, Tara, understand the grief of a social outcast...Rated PG-13 for harsh language and description of violence
Doesn't "Tara" have a livejournal for this kind of shit?
25. As Obvious as a Leopard's Spots by Jelfia Maleak reviews
Ivy's friend from Acme traing has come for a visit. Carman has started to steal cat items. what is the conection(there is a Carman Hogan fic under Hogan's Heroes in TV catagory)
One hardly knows where to begin with this one. The obvious Gary Stu? This strange character "Carman", perhaps an automobile-themed superhero? The apparant non-sequitor at the end? Who can truly say, with stupidity this enormous, mocking almost falls flat.
27. Carmen's Daughter and....? by Gazzy reviews
Carmen has sent her daughter to ACME and she might fall in love...Now Chapter 2 is up
I mean, seriously people, this is uncannily like all those stereotypes of bad Harry Potter fics. Instead of Voldemort's-daughter-attending-Hogwarts-M
28. Secrets From the Past by Mona reviews
Carmen's constant companion, Martin Shapiro, finds a scrapbook highlighting the highpoints (and lowpoints) of Carmen's life. Now complete.
Her constant companion who is apparently invisible and inaudible, considering that she's known for posing dramatically atop her purloined object BY HERSELF? But what am I saying? Canon logic holds no power over a Gary Stu!
43. Winds of Time by shadowwolf75 reviews
Finally got the guts to reupload this . . . as for the fic: I don't feel like putting a summary, so just read it!
If you can't be bothered to do a summary, I can't be bothered to do much more than raise a finger to you. Wanna guess which one it'll be? Ooo, yup, it's THAT ONE!
45. Sim Style: Livin' Large by Leonia reviews
After Zack buys The Sims, he gets the first expansion pack for the game--Livin' Large. What hijinks ensue this time around?
... Honestly, you'd expect a fandom to have to be a lot bigger and more popular before getting to this level of inanity. o.O I mean, I can actually see this in bigger fandoms, and depending on who wrote it it wouldn't be so bad, but I was surprised when
arkhaine revealed that he remembered the series, let alone that it would have a following. I didn't even expect it to HAVE a section on FF.net, but it's apparently big enough that it can spawn stuff like... well, that.48. Everywhere by Leonia reviews
PG-13 for some strong language used...a songfic based on the events of 9-11-01. Ivy's best friend is killed that day, and it seems she's everywhere, long after 9-11...
... Carmen Sandiego 9/11 fic? Okaaaaaaaay...
49. Memories of the Days Gone By by Leonia reviews
Michael and Azalea need to find out who killed Zack and Ivy and why, after leaving the asylum in Seattle.
Why, how convenient! Have the actual main characters killed off so that your self-inserts can supplant them, and surpass them by solving their murder! What genius!
*raises finger, blows raspberry*
50. HEADACHES by Dr. Thinker reviews
How AMCE and VILE both reacted to the news of 9-11-2001.
... MULTIPLE 9/11 fic?!
57. A Tale of Two Outlaws by Belle Book reviews
Carmen decides to go back in time to Los Angeles in the time of Zorro. A crossover between
No, I didn't cut it off, that's where the actual summary ended. But gee, I wonder what it could be a crossover between...?
59. ADOPTED FAMILY by cousin D reviews
ZACK AND IVY GET ADOPTED
OMG U MEAN IT?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!!?!???????????
61. Be Careful What You Wish for... by Lio reviews
Known throughout the WOEICS fanfic community as a fic the author took her good sweet time to finish. Two years of off and on writing amounted in THIS... ug... I'll do a revision sooner or later but.. what? What is it about? Oh! Er... The Chief gets a chan
Known throughout the fanfic community in general as written by a pretentious git who spent so much space self-aggrandizing she ran out of room for the actual summary.
. Khisondhanna by Seldavia reviews
Hailed by even the most critical of Carmen fans, "Khisondhanna" is an intricately written fic that offers action, adventure, drama, and a story and explanation behind all things Carmen...from before her birth to her Khisondhanna. Just what exactly is a "K
See above.
69. Glennan Glennan Sandiego et la DIC inc by Lio reviews
We've finally got our own section! Thank you fanfiction.net! All right, on to the story... What if Zack, Ivy, Carmen and the Chief sued DIC over the last season?
Oooo, metafic. Just when you thought that such an obscure fandom couldn't pack in any more of the cliches of a really large fandom...
And, here are the pair of R-rated fics listed in the category.
1. Transcendence by C.C. Machevelli
As time goes by, Carmen's crimes begin to slow down. Plagued by dreams and thoughts of retirement, she begins to plan her last chase when her path crosses that of a brilliant experimental virologist turned international terrorist, Dr. Ariosto Karyos. Trou
Ooooo, Gary Stu and inevitable angst and horror! Gosh, will wonders never cease!
. Old Ties by Leonia reviews
R for the following things: language, weaponry, violence, death, and animal cruelty. An enemy of Ivy returns to San Francisco and she's unlike anything Ivy remembers...not for young readers. No animals were harmed during the writing of this fic.
See above, just add in the fact that the author thinks she's clever.
So, there you have it. For all its obscurity, the Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? fanfic section manages to have pretty much every single last one of the bad fanfic cliches generally attributed to mega-fandoms such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. All it's missing is some yaoi and mpreg, and I'm sure someone's probably working on those.
This is me, signing off to go curl up in bed and tremble until the bad feeling goes away... the mean fics tried to hurt me, mommy... waaaah... ;.;
