| "Only two things sure in life..." |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|09:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The tv in the background | ] |
So, to those of you who may or may not know, on June 5th, my grandmother, who'd been fighting lung cancer for the last year or so, passed away. We got the phone call at 12:34 am - she'd been sleeping for the three days previous, having been put on a morphine drip for pain when she made the decision to transfer to hospice care. We'd spent the last three days there - sleeping on cots, chairs, the floor, what-have-you - when it seemed like she was going to slip away at any minute. After three days of her being essentially unchanged, we decided to start going home for the nights so we could shower/change clothes/try to rest in an actual bed with the intent of coming back the next day to spend the daytime hours at her side...
Needless to say, it had to happen the first night we came home. Made me feel pretty damn worthless...
Some of you may be saying internally that Grandmothers die all the time and so-forth and such. Keep in mind for those that didn't know, this is the woman who RAISED me when my own mother abandoned me at the age of 3. This is the woman who instilled my values in me, taught me right from wrong, loved me unconditionally and was always there for me. In my heart, this WAS my mother. Needless to say, this has been really, really hard. The main reason I moved her and my disabled aunt from Florida to CT (and now to MI) was because I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. They deserved it for all they did for me...
---
Which leads me to where I am now. We just moved cross country. I'm also still currently without a job, having only been here for two weeks at the moment. This puts me in a difficult position, being in charge of handling the arrangements.
She wanted to be cremated, which we are, of course, honoring. From a more practical sense, this is also the more economical route. However, this doesn't change one fundamental fact: at the moment, I have pretty much no money.
The first place we looked at runs somewhere around $1,100-1,200ish for basic direct cremation (we're not having any manner of service since family is scattered all around the country and none of them live here - seems pointless). This is apparently the cheapest rate going, since most other places start out at circa $2,000-2,500ish for direct cremation. One downside however - this place doesn't offer any payment plan/alternate billing options. It's full amount, upfront only. The other places may offer payment plans, but would cost at least a grand more in the long run and still require some amount down...
This brings me to where I am now.
I'm not here to beg money from anybody. What I AM asking for is donations. It doesn't have to be much. Every $5, $10 or $20 helps in the end and makes it a bit easier to bear. I can't promise repayment soon - everything is pending getting on my feet and getting a job. This is just a lot to catch somebody with a week after re-locating. All I can say is I will do my best to make sure anybody who helps is in SOME way compensated.
( Contact information under here )
Again, I hate to turn to this route, but there's currently NO other way to put this together right now that comes to mind. I'm sorry.
:/
To those who can help, words can't express how much it means to me and my aunt. She meant more to me than I can even say... |
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| I had a longer post in mind... |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|01:31 pm] |
...but I don't have the energy or inclination to write it right now.
Short version: Phone call this morning at 12:34AM. She passed. We got dressed and went to the hospital. Very surreal night. Still doesn't feel real, to be honest. At least she went peacefully while asleep.
Gonna go pick up the pieces of my life that are left now. Thanks for those of you who messaged, called or sent well-wishes of any kind. |
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| Home for a bit...again. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|09:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Stopping home for changing clothes, cat feeding and general interbutt checking.
Nothing much to say. Grandma's still alive, though barely. The morphine drip has been a mixed bag - she's been sleeping and resting, but when she wakes up, she's borderline delusional and tries to dive out of the bed. She can barely hold her own arms up and keep her head upright, but I'll be damned if a 71 year old woman in the final throes of terminal cancer can't outmuscle three people (myself being one of them) trying to get her back into bed. This is one of the reasons I love this woman so much - when she wants something, heaven help anyone who gets in her way. Heh.
So they put her on a 1mil of Atavan as needed to keep her calm and relaxed (mainly when she's awake) and since about 8pm last night, she's been asleep and hasn't woken up as of when I left to come here to do this. We spent the night there and will again tonight....and probably tomorrow night too, depending. I'm not going to leave her alone and get "that call" at whatever unknown time. I'm going to be there for her and see this through till the end...
If anyone needs me, text my phone or call me. For those who don't have it: 203-507-8997, though I would advice texting first, since I usually don't answer numbers that aren't in my book - especially if they come out of 203 right now (dodging the ex-landlord for the moment).
Back tomorrow - updates as they come... |
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| Home for a bit. |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|12:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Second verse, same as the first... | ] |
Four hours sleep, no food and emotional turmoil have drained me. Came home to charge my phone, catch a nap and scarf a sandwich. Heading back in a couple hours.
Update: I don't know what else to say. The sound of each breath she takes makes me cringe like furniture being dragged along the floor of a rough metal hallway. It's horrifying and I feel weak every time I cringe at the sound. Even just from 7am this morning until now, I can see her getting weaker and weaker. Holding her as she lays her head over on my shoulder, I feel her body tremble and it's all I can do not to run screaming. I feel so worthless...
*sigh*
She's going to be going into hospice care - essentially, they'll manage pain and keep her comfortable, but aren't doing anything to treat it because, to be honest, they CAN'T. It's just a waiting game at this point. She's on a morphine drip now, which will make her breathing easier and keep her pain-free (she actually dozed off before I left, which is nice. She didn't sleep last night), but also will likely shut her breathing down sooner, speeding the end...
Gods, does it make me a bad person that I want it to happen quickly? I can't watch her keep suffering like this... |
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| 6:30 AM Phonecalls. |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|06:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Birds outside and computer hum inside | ] |
Just got awakened by my phone going off. Local Grand Rapids number. Here's that call we all love to get...
"Is this *insert name here*?"
"Yes."
"Yes, this is *so-and-so* at *such-and-such* hospital. Your grandmother...she...isn't doing so good and she wanted to know if you and your aunt would come up to see her..."
"..."
"How soon can we expect you?"
"Within the hour."
BRB - going to watch the woman who raised me, loved me, taught me right from wrong and always unconditionally supported me my whole life after my own mother abandoned me as a kid...die. |
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| Isn't it amazing... |
[May. 31st, 2008|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My own pulse throbbing in my temple... | ] |
...how fast 'friends' turn on you once they have something 'better' in their life?
At times I wish I didn't have the mental filter that keeps sociopathy at bay. I really need to commit some particularly nasty mutilations on a handful of specific people right now.... |
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| Tired Rob is Tired - Too tired for verbosity it seems... |
[May. 30th, 2008|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Light and The Glass - Coheed | ] |
Just got back from Coheed & Cambria with April. Tired. Taco Bell waits. I had fun. Did I mention lately that my GF is awesome?
*snugs*
Love you, babe.
*dies* |
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| Sunrise, Sunset |
[May. 28th, 2008|02:37 am] |
Posting this off pirated neighbor's wi-fi from the crapper.
Made the move in one piece.
Goodbye CT
Hello MI
My greeting gift the first day in state was to have to take my grandma to the hospital because she was having more difficulty breathing. Looks like the mass that was crushing off her esophagus (which necessitated the install of the food tube in her stomach) is now pinching her trachea as well. And on top of this, she might have pneumonia...
And also, I'm still the biggest asshole ever...I can't do anything right for anyone. I'm really getting fucking sick of trying. No matter what I do, I end up the bad guy because I trust other people and rely on them too much, thus making me the jerk when things fall through.
I'm done. Seriously.
... |
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| Stolen |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|03:09 pm] |
For the first three people that reply to this post, and who re-post this challenge: YOU WIN!!!
For your prize, I will send you a gift.
It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash off fabulousity. It might be a mix CD, or a rubber duck, or a book I think you might enjoy. A love letter, a useful object, or something else that is awesome or maybe just taking up room in my house.
Whatever it is, I promise I will get it to you in 365 days of your posted comment or less, and I will need your snail mail.
The only thing you need to do to receive your gift is PARTICIPATE.
Be one of the first three journalers to reply to this, and post this very same thing in your journal, and YOU are the lucky giftee |
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| Emergency Help Needed - Please Read! |
[Mar. 7th, 2008|07:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Okay, time for me to swallow my pride and make with the begging.
Here's the situation: The electricity is due to be disconnected. We have some of the money, but not all of it and have basically until Sunday night to raise the rest of it. Somewhere between $100-120 is needed.
Here's what I'm asking: I'm not looking for one person to send me that much money. I know times are hard all around and a number of my friends are living on lean funds themselves. What I AM hoping for is for multiple people to contribute small amounts. If a few people chip in $10 here or $20 there, it'll be just as good.
Here's how you can help: ANY amount you can send our way would be most helpful, even if it is as little as $5 or $10 dollars. Obviously more would help me reach the goal quicker, but beggars can't be TOO choosy. All money would need to be sent via PayPal - we have one of the PayPal Visa cards so any money in the account can be accessed via ATM instead of waiting the usual 2-4 business days for it to transfer to the bank account.
However, because of this limitation, we need any donations to include enough to cover the PayPal fees. For example, if you wanted to help out with $20, you'd need to deposit around $20.90 or so. http://thefeecalculator.com/ will help you figure out how much extra would be needed. It would just suck royally to have $19.10 sitting in the account, unable to be withdrawn because the ATM can only do increments of $20 or whatever.
IF YOU CAN HELP: Please be aware that I am NOT asking for a handout or a free gift. ALL DONATIONS WILL BE REPAID WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH. You have my word on that. I hate asking my friends for help and only do so as a last resort. I hate feeling like a charity case.
Send Money via PayPal to: spookypants13 AT yahoo DOT com
If you're able to help out, leave me a comment, send me an email (ramensnax AT yahoo) or send me an IM on AIM or Yahoo to let me know that you've sent something so I can know to check for it and thank you profusely.
I'm going to go be sick and try to sleep some. Thanks in advance to any of you who can assist with this. |
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| ... |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|10:37 am] |
Yeah, I'm still alive. I would assume most of you didn't even notice I was gone.
Just got back from Michigan yesterday at around 10am.
I was originally supposed to have been home circa 130pm on Thursday.
I would like to wish a hearty bout of dry anal rape to all the unhelpful, slack-assed and generally grumpy employees of Greyhound who did absolutely fuck-all to do anything to make the concentration camp-like entrapment of hundreds (if not thousands) of bus passengers a little easier.
Once you've finished with your dry anal rape, stop at the door on your way out to pick up a terminal illness of choice as my free parting gift to you.
*out* |
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| Phone Updata |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|01:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Prepping for bed... | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Combichrist - "This Shit Will Fuck You Up" | ] |
For those who know/care - I just recently switched carriers. I'm now on Verizon. Number's still the same, however. Anybody else on VZ let me know so I know at least who I can call for free.
Also, if you didn't already have my number and need/want it - toss me a comment and I'll get it to you.
That's all. Exciting, I know. |
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| Stolen meme time |
[Jan. 7th, 2008|02:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Snatched from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jilduck
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~ | | Musician | | | Literature Nerd | | | Social Nerd | | | Anime Nerd | | | Drama Nerd | | | Science/Math Nerd | | | Artistic Nerd | | What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace |
No big surprise there to anyone who knows me.
83% Mike Gravel
82% Chris Dodd
80% John Edwards
80% Barack Obama
79% Dennis Kucinich
77% Hillary Clinton
76% Bill Richardson
75% Joe Biden
44% Rudy Giuliani
36% John McCain
31% Ron Paul
31% Mike Huckabee
29% Tom Tancredo
27% Mitt Romney
21% Fred Thompson
2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz
I feel somewhat ashamed that I don't know anything about the majority of the candidates for this year...
I suppose I should take this as an impetus to get my ass in gear and get edumacated before November rolls around. Hrmm... |
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| Just passing this along... |
[Jan. 5th, 2008|12:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
REPEAT THIS IN YOUR JOURNAL. BOTH QUENTIN AND IDDO ARE DOWN WITH NO COMPUTER ACCESS, AND CANNOT TELL ANYONE, SO I'M VOLUNTEERING TO PASS THIS INFO OUT.
Bucky Rabbit / Bucky Bunny, A.K.A. Charles Bucchioni is a thief. He broke into the apartment of Quentin Mohos quentincoyote and Iddo Geva falconieo and stole all of their games, consoles, hard drives and graphics cards.
The theft was EXTREMELY SPECIFIC, Charles knew exactly how to get in, when they would be gone, how long he had, and precisely where everything was hidden.
Why this happened: http://quentincoyote.livejournal.com/466037.html
ITEMS STOLEN:
2 Xbox 360 and all controllers, memory cards and face plates
2 Sony Playstation II, controllers, & memory cards
2 Ninetendo Wii and all controllers and memory cards
1 laptop hd for Dell Inspiron
1 video card
1 raid card
100 + games for all systems in individual cases
1 40 item Swiss Army knife
Large quantity of quarters and loose change
If you see Charles Bucchioni in possession of any of these items in the NY/NJ/CT area, call the police IMMEDIATELY! Call Detective Debbey McGorty @ 201-863-0881 or 201-319-6044
Charles Bucchioni is a member of the NY Army National Guard, and was supposed to report for duty in October, but may be AWOL. Police are now looking for him.
If you have any information on Charles wherabouts, call Iddo Geva @ 646-296-6565 or Quentin Mohos at 917-596-7329, or call Detective McGorty @ 201-863-0881 or 201-319-6044.
THIS IS TIME-CRITICAL! PASS THIS AS FAST AND AS FAR AS POSSIBLE.
PLEASE REPEAT THIS IN YOUR JOURNAL. THE THEFT WAS EXCEPTIONALLY SPECIFIC AND ONLY CHARLES BUCCIONI HAS THE KNOWLEDGE TO HAVE STOLEN THESE ITEMS. |
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| If there's one thing I hate about drinking... |
[Dec. 25th, 2007|04:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
...it's that first dump you take the next day. Ugh. Terrifying.
Killed half a bottle of Bacardi last night drinking mojitos and acting the fool.
Happy Seasonal Winter Holiday of Choice, everybody. |
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| My wrist hurts....and it's not from masturbating :/ |
[Oct. 29th, 2007|10:13 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | On the couch | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The sound of the 360 booting up | ] |
Good news: My unemployment got approved and MFF is now a GO! Woot!
Bad news: Guitar Hero 3 has reduced my left wrist to the consistency of Jell-o and noodles. Fuck you Dragonforce!!
That is all... |
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| Post-FurFright Wind-down |
[Oct. 23rd, 2007|05:30 pm] |
So, another year, another FurFright has come and gone. I may get around to doing a con-report, but knowing my track record, I wouldn't hold my breath till it shows up...
Got back to New Haven yesterday afternoon, had my unemployment hearing at 1pm in Hamden (cross your fingers that it goes well - I'm super worried) and slogged back home after Wendys for lunch.
li_tak has been hanging here, crashing on our couch last night to rest before he heads back towards Maine tonight. Beyond that, it's just been us hanging out, playing a shit-ton of Team Fortress 2 from The Orange Box and eating foods. I miss the old days of rooming with the Zeeb and it really sucks to only see him a couple times a year now. Mrrf...
Oh well. We'll see what happens.
That's really it for now...
Ja ne! |
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