qDot (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} qdot) wrote,@ 2003-12-17 19:25:00 |
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Operation SexQuake is $400 away... We need your help.
I need your help. Or your money. Or both.
More importantly, I WILL GIVE UNLIMITED SEX IN RETURN.
I present to you, the VR Innovations Virtual Sex Machine.
http://www.vrinnovations.com/
As you can see, this is a sex toy that works through connection to the parallel port on your PC. It is a content based service, meaning that you have to buy videos in order to have the thing give you blowjobs.
Fuck that. This thing wasn't meant to be a pure sex toy.
I don't just want blowjobs while watching porn.
I want blowjobs every time I frag someone in quake. I want blowjobs everytime I misspell something in a word processor.
I want blowjobs every time I move my mouse, damnit.
In other words, I want the dream of every male on the planet.
And, being a 31337 haX0r, I have the means to achieve it.
Give me $400, and you, too, can be part of this hacking experience. In fact, everyone on the net can. I will be writing this as a 100% open source project, as well as maintaining a blog on each and every step from here to the land of infinite, computer generated blowjobs. This will probably reside on Numberporn.com, my webpage.
If I cannot reach $400 through donations, I am willing to put some of my own money into this project, for it is not just for my good, but for the good of every penis owning man on the planet, and every woman not wanting to give them 24/7 blowjobs.
And really, isn't that what Christmas is about?
The Effects this could have on Society:
- Trained, lethal army of teenage boys, who get sexual joy from killing after hours of playing GTA3 with blowjob rewards. (Pavlovian training at it's best)
- Positive reinforcement training teachs millions of programmers to code flawlessly, using software that rewards low bug counts with faster machine movement.
- Burden taken off the tired, haggered sex-giving women of the world.
- Gives qDot something to do for a while.
FAQ:
Q: But why should I send you money, when I could just do this myself?
A: Because, you are lazy and don't actually want to do the work yourself. Believe me. Parallel port programming is no fun.
Q: What will I get out of this, other than the information?
A: I will, of course, have a donor's list, with the following levels:
- Floppy: $.01-$1.99
- Nerf: $2-$9.99
- Semi-chub: $10-$19.99
- Hard: $20-$49.99
- Raging Hard: $50-$99.99
- Ron Jeremy Circle of Leadership and Excellence in the Pursuit of Giving qDot Money: $100+
You can be listed on this as a sponsor, either by name, by nick, or anonymously through the name of my choosing.
Q: What if this fails? What if there really is encryption on the chip, or some other insurmountable obstacle that comes along?
A: Refunds for everyone, of course. This is a community effort based on one person, and if it fails, it's my fault. Of course, all you have is my word, but ask around, I make Abe Lincoln look like a compulsive liar. That fucker.
Q: How much of your own money are you willing to throw at this?
A: Probably around $100 (meaning we really only need around $300 for this). That's my usual "toy experimentation" limit. If I can't get anywhere close to that amount within a fairly soon period of time, I'll give up, refund everyone's money, and cry. A lot.
Q: Couldn't you get sued for hacking this, under the DMCA?
A: Possibly. I can't find any sort of user agreements on their site, though, which is making that question a little difficult. Worse comes to worse, I'll contact the EFF.
Q: Will you be posting pictures of yourself while doing Quality Assurance?
A: Um, you really, really don't want to see that. Really.
Q: So will there ever be a female version of this?
A: I'm honestly not aware of any female-based teledildonics equipment right now, but I'm sure I could hack an ethernet port into a sybian or something.
Initial Reports:
So far, I've taken a look at the software, it looks like it'll be a pretty easy hack. It was written in VB, and uses third party port software to access the parallel port. The only major problem is going to be the possibility of packet encryption from the software to the controller device. The best idea would probably be to order one of the movies first, and check to see what it throws out through the printer port before actually ordering the hardware itself (There are no drivers for the device, I think it just takes hold of LPT and starts sending, but they unfortunatly don't offer any free movies). This is probably what I'll end up doing.
Final Plea:
Please. Come on. Please. Pleasssssssssssssse. Please?
With a cherry on top?
I mean, come on, internet people, you bought an Apple for a fat kid doing light saber shit with a pole, for fuck sake. This project will GIVE BACK. IN BLOWJOBS.
To donate to the Cause:
DO NOT PUT ANYTHING SEX RELATED IN THE SUBJECT LINE TO YOUR DONATION. Paypal has a tendancy to freeze accounts about anything adult based, and I'd rather not lose money before anything interesting happens.
I will post updates here as I get cash. Please, post links to this entry in other journals. Get friends to join. Get enemies to join. Everyone loves a blowjob.
I need your help. Or your money. Or both.
More importantly, I WILL GIVE UNLIMITED SEX IN RETURN.
I present to you, the VR Innovations Virtual Sex Machine.
http://www.vrinnovations.com/
As you can see, this is a sex toy that works through connection to the parallel port on your PC. It is a content based service, meaning that you have to buy videos in order to have the thing give you blowjobs.
Fuck that. This thing wasn't meant to be a pure sex toy.
I don't just want blowjobs while watching porn.
I want blowjobs every time I frag someone in quake. I want blowjobs everytime I misspell something in a word processor.
I want blowjobs every time I move my mouse, damnit.
In other words, I want the dream of every male on the planet.
And, being a 31337 haX0r, I have the means to achieve it.
Give me $400, and you, too, can be part of this hacking experience. In fact, everyone on the net can. I will be writing this as a 100% open source project, as well as maintaining a blog on each and every step from here to the land of infinite, computer generated blowjobs. This will probably reside on Numberporn.com, my webpage.
If I cannot reach $400 through donations, I am willing to put some of my own money into this project, for it is not just for my good, but for the good of every penis owning man on the planet, and every woman not wanting to give them 24/7 blowjobs.
And really, isn't that what Christmas is about?
The Effects this could have on Society:
- Trained, lethal army of teenage boys, who get sexual joy from killing after hours of playing GTA3 with blowjob rewards. (Pavlovian training at it's best)
- Positive reinforcement training teachs millions of programmers to code flawlessly, using software that rewards low bug counts with faster machine movement.
- Burden taken off the tired, haggered sex-giving women of the world.
- Gives qDot something to do for a while.
FAQ:
Q: But why should I send you money, when I could just do this myself?
A: Because, you are lazy and don't actually want to do the work yourself. Believe me. Parallel port programming is no fun.
Q: What will I get out of this, other than the information?
A: I will, of course, have a donor's list, with the following levels:
- Floppy: $.01-$1.99
- Nerf: $2-$9.99
- Semi-chub: $10-$19.99
- Hard: $20-$49.99
- Raging Hard: $50-$99.99
- Ron Jeremy Circle of Leadership and Excellence in the Pursuit of Giving qDot Money: $100+
You can be listed on this as a sponsor, either by name, by nick, or anonymously through the name of my choosing.
Q: What if this fails? What if there really is encryption on the chip, or some other insurmountable obstacle that comes along?
A: Refunds for everyone, of course. This is a community effort based on one person, and if it fails, it's my fault. Of course, all you have is my word, but ask around, I make Abe Lincoln look like a compulsive liar. That fucker.
Q: How much of your own money are you willing to throw at this?
A: Probably around $100 (meaning we really only need around $300 for this). That's my usual "toy experimentation" limit. If I can't get anywhere close to that amount within a fairly soon period of time, I'll give up, refund everyone's money, and cry. A lot.
Q: Couldn't you get sued for hacking this, under the DMCA?
A: Possibly. I can't find any sort of user agreements on their site, though, which is making that question a little difficult. Worse comes to worse, I'll contact the EFF.
Q: Will you be posting pictures of yourself while doing Quality Assurance?
A: Um, you really, really don't want to see that. Really.
Q: So will there ever be a female version of this?
A: I'm honestly not aware of any female-based teledildonics equipment right now, but I'm sure I could hack an ethernet port into a sybian or something.
Initial Reports:
So far, I've taken a look at the software, it looks like it'll be a pretty easy hack. It was written in VB, and uses third party port software to access the parallel port. The only major problem is going to be the possibility of packet encryption from the software to the controller device. The best idea would probably be to order one of the movies first, and check to see what it throws out through the printer port before actually ordering the hardware itself (There are no drivers for the device, I think it just takes hold of LPT and starts sending, but they unfortunatly don't offer any free movies). This is probably what I'll end up doing.
Final Plea:
Please. Come on. Please. Pleasssssssssssssse. Please?
With a cherry on top?
I mean, come on, internet people, you bought an Apple for a fat kid doing light saber shit with a pole, for fuck sake. This project will GIVE BACK. IN BLOWJOBS.
To donate to the Cause:
DO NOT PUT ANYTHING SEX RELATED IN THE SUBJECT LINE TO YOUR DONATION. Paypal has a tendancy to freeze accounts about anything adult based, and I'd rather not lose money before anything interesting happens.
I will post updates here as I get cash. Please, post links to this entry in other journals. Get friends to join. Get enemies to join. Everyone loves a blowjob.
