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My Journey To Enlightenment

20th December, 2007. 12:05 pm.

 Some people have asked about my surgery and how things went.   I had the surgery and had a benign tumor the size of a basketball removed.  I also had a uterine polyp removed with a d&c.  I had a new doctor and she was fantastic.  I was really really nervous, but everything went quite well.  I've been recovering at home and doing pretty well. I just got my final results back from the path lab and I am cancer free around all of the areas that they operated on.    I still feel sore from time to time and starting to get back working at the job search.  

I did call the clinic where I originally went and complained about the doctor who originally told me I had cancer.  The clinic director seemed to think she's a pretty good doctor and doesn't normally make mistakes like this.  I'm still trying to figure out why she would tell me that things were so bad.   When I talk to my friends now, they say things like, "When you told us a doctor told you that you had cancer, but you didn't believe it, we thought that you were dying, but just in denial."  Looking back, I would have to say that I recall for about two weeks being certain I was dying of ovarian cancer.  The very cool thing was looking back at my life and having the experience of loving my life and blessing everyone I had ever met. It appeared as though everything was golden in a way.  THAT was a very neat experience.  I had some great talks with God during that period too.  I'm not terribly happy that I had to go through all of that because it slowed down my job search, but really, I liked the spiritual experience I had of loving my life and I don't really feel that this was a bad experience just because of that.

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19th December, 2007. 11:38 am.

 So I was talking to my son the other day about time travel.  He wondered if time travel really exists.  I've always wondered if it will be possible some day to time travel.  I said, "You know, if time travel is possible then there's probably a lot of people around from the future who are time travelers traveling back in time."   Then we discussed how you would know a time traveler.  They will probably be up on the latest fashion--they would have studied it.  What if they hadn't and recklessly came back in time in their own fashions?  Hard telling how they'd look.  Just a thought:  with all the air pollution and global warming, it's been suggested that people in the future will have to walk around with their own personal oxygen tanks.  Maybe people will come back in time just to breathe the air.  If so, there would be times of relative peace and prosperity where most of those types would tend to congregate.  When would those times have been?  I'm thinking in the US, probably the 70's after the Vietnam War might have been good, or the time in the 90's when the stock market went way up.  Speaking of the stock market, I asked my husband, "How could you could tell someone from the future?" and he said, "The guys who made all the money off of stocks and futures."  No doubt he's correct there.I wonder whom you'd hang out wtih and befriend if you went back in time.  Would you become friends with your relatives and with the children whom you were going to befriend when they're older?  And then there's the song, "I am my own grandpa."  This brings about  all kinds of possibilities, though and I just realized that there would be a question of incest and who wants to go there?  

But it all comes down to the concept that if time is just another dimension, then it shouldn't be that hard to do.  In fact we already do time travel quite regularly when we travel to different time zones.  The whole concept of worm holes is fascinating and would give the opportunity for time travel, though there's no observational evidence for them.  Worm holes also bring up the scientific possibility of parallel universes and that's a slightly different, though fascinating concept.

There's also the logical argument that if God could do something, God would have.  In other words if God could make time travel, then he would have.  Hence, time travel is likely.

There are a lot of books dealing with this issue.  The Time Travelers Wife is one of my favorites.  It's about a man who travels throughout time in various occasion.  The problem, and his undoing occurs because his clothing doesn't travel with him, which is just totally sucky because he travels back in time to visit his wife when she's a little girl.  The main problem comes because the little girl's father (his future father-in-law) walks in on him when he's naked in front of this little girl.  Not a good scene for anyone.  The cool thing is that even after the man dies, the wife continues to see him throughout her old age because he had hopped forward in time too.  


I'd be interested in hearing about other books on time travel and people's opinions in general on time travel. 

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31st October, 2007. 7:23 pm.

I'm having my surgery tomorrow.  Please send your prayers and good thoughts my way.

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18th October, 2007. 8:47 pm. Healing Poem

 Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

    -Rumi



Current mood: contemplative.
Current music: Crazy On You by Heart.

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12th September, 2007. 10:15 pm. My ultrasound and upcoming surgery

So when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, and she thought my uterus seemed somewhat larger than it should, so she sent me for an ultrasound.  The thinking was that I might have uterine fibroids.  Those are completely benign uterine growths.  She kept asking me if I have bleeding (which is common for fibroids), but I don't.  I could see that she was thinking that I might have ovarian cancer or something, which isn't that common.  I really didn't think that was likely and I don't think she did either, but she wanted it checked out.
  
So I wasn't worried, but I had the thought, "How would I feel if I knew I were going to die?"  The answer came to me, "I would love and bless my life and everyone I had ever met."  Then the thought came, "Well, I don't have to wait until I die to love and bless my life and everyone I meet."  
  
I had the ultrasound today and turns out I have a huge ovarian cyst (noncancerous) and a small uterine polyp that is not likely cancerous, but could become so if left to grow.  So I am having surgery.  I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow and follow through as soon as possible.  
  
Please send loving, positive, happy thoughts and prayers my way, if you are so inclined.

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12th September, 2007. 8:51 am.

From CNN:

" An additional $1 in real gasoline prices would reduce obesity in the U.S. by 15 percent after three years," said Charles Courtemanche, an economics researcher at Washington University in St. Louis. "In fact, about 13 percent of the rise in obesity between 1979 and 2004 can be attributed to falling real gas prices during the period."

Well, maybe and maybe not.   When I lived in Fairfield, Iowa, this might have been true for me.  The grocery store is within biking distance and the downtown is within walking distance of our home.  I will have to say though, when you live in a larger city, as many people do, driving less could actually INCREASE obesity.  In our case, if we're cutting back on driving, there's no place to bike or walk.  I'm going to be staying at home more and that translates into more reading and more tv.    On a nice day here, I might drive to the uptown area of St. Paul or a college campus in the area and go for a walk.  I wouldn't be as likely to do that if gas prices were higher.
  
So my guess would be that overall there wouldn't be much decrease in obesity due to gas price increase and there actually might be an increase.

Make Notes

23rd August, 2007. 8:51 pm. Questions from Queen of Swords

These are some questions that my dear friend, Queen Of Swords sent me a while back.  I took a while to work on them while my life interferred for a time.  Whenever QOS and I exchange comments or ask each other questions, whether online or on the phone, I always find them interesting and probing--always getting to the heart of life.  We seem to share an interest in what is truly important in life and for that I am thankful for her friendship.

1. What do you like about the flute?

I've always loved music.  I am not a very visual person and I am very attuned to sound.  I love language and foreign language, but I have an even greater love for music.    I particularly love wind instruments because of the connection between breath and spirit.  "Pneuma" is Greek for breath, wind and spirit and I've always felt that using breath to perform music is a deep expression of the soul.  For many years, I've played recorder because I developed a love of medieval and renaissance music.  Recently I've learned
to play the native american flute and I've come to love the "canyon" sound of the wooden flute.

2. What goddess (or god) energy do you resonate most with right now?

I would have to say that Raam and other incarnations of Visnu, such as Budha, Krisna and Kalki are really
prominent in my awareness right now.   Visnu is that aspect of God that keeps life in balance.  Each incarnation resonates with one part of of the nervous system.  For instance, the Budha resonates with the spine.   I also love expressions of the Divine Mother--these would be Quan Yin, goddess of compassion, Mary, mother of god, Laksmi, goddess of prosperity, and Diana, the hunting goddess.  While Visnu keeps life in balance, Divine Mother provides love to all beings.

3. Make believe: what event are you most looking forward to?

I walk into the dark temple.  It is the night of the July full moon--the fullest full moon of the
year.  This is the night which has been chosen for me to become initiated into the most
sacred of holy mysteries--union with the highest form of the union of all gods and goddesses.
It is a most secret and privileged ceremony, as only a few rare people are granted
the experience.  I wait in serious, studied anticipation for the Queen of the Temple to arrive
and place her magical, spiritual sword deep into the sheath of my body so that I may drink of the Cup of Soma and experience the most intense form of spiritual ecstasy known to a human being.

4. Who is your closest friend?

I don't have one closest friend right now.  I have three close girlfriends in Iowa
and one close male friend in Iowa.  One is from high school, another I met online,
and the other and the male friend I share spiritual practices with.  I also have
a small circle of girl friends that I see rarely--mostly in Iowa, but whom I have
life-long friendships with.  Most of those women I share spiritual practices with as well.
I have a few 12 step groups that I belong to in Minnesota where I've made some
close friends. Other than that,I do have some online friendships which I have grown
to cherish. Some of those people I have never met in person; others I have met.

5. What is the most romantic experience you've ever had?
 
Romance--ah.  What is it?  I think sometimes I have an experience that I think is
intensely romantic and then in retrospect it seems that it is not so much.  I would
also say that the reverse is true--an experience that seems not so romantic
is quite romantic in retrospect.  But off the top of my head, I would have to say
that my most romantic memory is of our 25th wedding anniversary party a year ago,
when my dear husband got on his knee and presented me with my first diamond ring
in front of a group of about 50 guests. 

Make Notes

20th August, 2007. 11:55 am.

I went to the science museum today and saw the Pompeii exhibit.  I'd been to a number of museums and seen a great deal of ancient Greek and Roman pottery, coins, jewlrey, etc.  This was one of the best exhibits I'd seen from that period.  I particularly wanted to see it because as an undergraduate, during second year Latin, we read the letter from Pliny the Younger which described the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in detail.  I remember at the time being deeply touched by the details of watching the people screaming and crying. 

 Evidently, most of  the people escaped from the city, but many people stayed.  Most thought they could ride it out in their homes.  But there was a wave of poisenous gas, and then hot ash covered the city.  Pliny says that he saw many people cry out to the gods and he saw others cry out that the gods no longer existed and facing their coming deaths.  arch
  
This happened Aug 24, 79 AD at 1 pm.  Most of the people who stayed were covered with the ash, which solidified before the corpses decayed and preserved the shapes and expressions of so many of the living creatures.  Then in the late 1800's,  archeologists found these holes in the ash.  They filled them with plaster and discovered that the people and animals were remarkably reproduced.  

When I went to the exhibit, I saw about 8 or 9 people, a dog and a pig.  Two of the people were a man and a woman who were probably married and held each other close in death.  There was a woman who was lying down and had her dress up, covering her mouth.  Another man had a cloth over his mouth as well.  There was a slave with chains arou,nd his ankles.  He had escaped, but not soon enough.  There was also a pig and a dog.  The exhibit mentioned that you could see the expressions on the people's faces, and frankly, I really couldnt' see that, but I could see how the people were lying down and trying to protect themselves so that they could ward off death.  

There were a lot of people at the exhibit.  There were hundreds there to look.  I knew that I was there because I studied classics, but I thought it was interesting that so many were there that probably didn't have an interest in classics.  .I was reminded of a similar more recent tragedy--the bridge.  So many people wanted to go down and look at the bridge.   In the case of Pompeii, we are being charged admission and encouraged to go.  In the case of the bridge, we are being told to stay home.   Many dozens have been arrested for getting too close.  With the recent tragedy, they are still pulling bodies out of the river.  One person is still missing.  So perhaps that makes a difference.  On the other hand, some people have said that since tax dollars are paying for the recovery, the public has a right to see how it's being done.

  I thought about how we want to be close to tragedy and important events and be a part of them--perhaps to more deeply feel our link with all of humanity.  Or perhaps to celebrate our own lives.  Or perhaps because somewhere we believe that we can be of help through our prayers if for no other reason.  
  
  
So my question is, in the case of the bridge or any other tragedy, why do people want to be there and look?  And should they ber allowed to do it?  If so, under what circumstances?

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6th August, 2007. 10:23 pm. Sights of the Bridge

I wanted to go for a walk tonight and my husband had been wanting to go down to look at the bridge, so I agreed to take a walk down around the U of M campus.  We were able to get up near the site of the bridge that fell.  We could see it from the northeast vantage point.  We could see the northeast part of the bridge which had fallen onto a train car.  Then we saw the northwest side of the bridge as well.  We saw a truck turned over and a minivan slanting back, pointed up toward the broken part of the bridge.  We couldn't see the river or any part of the south side of the bridge.  There were a lot of yellow police banners keeping people back and policement patrolling the area keeping people back.  There were some flowers that people placed in the area and there was an apartment building that presumably people ran out of to help.  There wer e signs on the apartment building--very large ones that read "Bridges Not Bombs" and another one that said "Build American, not Iraq."  There were other people who had come down to look and there was a lot of silence and when people did talk their voices were murmers.  Lots of traffic in the area, though I think it's freshmen orientation at the U.   
  
It's so sad.  Still nobody knows for sure how many people are in the river.  People have stepped forward and named eight people missing.  But it's been over five days and they haven't been able to pull any of those people from the water.  The FBI brought an unmanned submarine to look, so hopefully it won'[t take long now.  
  
On the radio, someone pointed out that they are going to have the republican convention here next year.  Thus they don't want another Katrina-like embarrassment.  The bridge may not be done by next summer, but there will be a lot of progress on it. 

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5th August, 2007. 2:47 pm. cute kid sayings

Cute things my kid has said recently:
  
"I'm so hungry I could eat vegetables!"
  
We were at a Twin's baseball game the other day.  They sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."  Afterwards he said:
  
Dad, why do they sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" when we're already AT the ball game?
  
Another one--"Is it true that chickens are really afraid?"
  
My favorite is something I wrote about in a comment last week, but I'll repeat it.

My son doesn't like the sound of the telephone, but he doesn't like to answer it because he doesn't really like conversing that much--particularly if the phone isn't for him, which it usually isn't. So today, he didn't realize that I was home and would answer the phone. It rang and he picked it up and said "I'm sorry, no one is home right now. Please leave a message after the click." Then he hung up the phone. It was hilarious!

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