katie.
12 août 2008 @ 19:01
amis seulement  
"The best thing would be to write down events from day to day. Keep a diary to see clearly- let none of the nuances of small happenings escape even though they might seem to mean nothing. And above all, classify them. . . . I must determine the exact extent and nature of this change.

". . .This is what I have to avoid, I must not put in strangeness where there is none. I think that is the big danger in keeping a diary: you exaggerate everything. You continually force the truth because you're always looking for something."
-Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea


this journal is friends only. comment if you would like to be added and please tell me why you're adding me.

please tell me:


I have an eating disorder and this journal deals primarily with it as it's a huge part of my life right now; hopefully, posts will be about happier things in the future, but god knows. I'm not sure how you'd come across this journal if you didn't have like issues, but please be aware that:
a) it is triggering (though I warn people and put weight rants and such things behind an lj-cut)
b) I am not pro-ana; if you are, I'm also not sure how you found my journal but we probably won't get along that well ;)
c) if you don't want to read about the above issues (which is perfectly understandable, yay for your having a life!) it would probably be best not to add me

So, yes, if you still want to add me after all that, please fill out the form. ;)

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.
-Sylvia Plath
 
 
humour: quiet
music: the sound of silence- simon and garfunkel
 
 
katie.
11 août 2008 @ 12:52
creating communities in cyberspace: pro-anorexia web sites and social capital  
I found this interesting, so here you go. ;)

Tierney, S. (2008). Creating communities in cyberspace: pro-anorexia web sites and social capital. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 15(4), 340 - 343.

Creating communities in cyberspace: pro-anorexia web sites and social capital )
 
 
humour: geeky
 
 
katie.
30 mai 2008 @ 18:02
death and annihilation anxieties in anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and self-mutilation  
Another interesting journal article. :)

Farber, S., Jackson, C., Tabin, J., & Bachar, E. (2007, April). Death and annihilation anxieties in anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and self-mutilation. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 24(2), 289-305.

Self-starvation, bulimic behavior, and self-mutilation comprise a triad of associated self-harm syndromes that are potentially life threatening, with anorexia nervosa having the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. They are associated with trauma and are extremely resistant to treatment. These patients present a disturbing lack of anxiety about their own life-threatening behavior, yet are preoccupied with death and anxiety about annihilation. Because dissociation compartmentalizes and separates psychological and somatic aspects of traumatic experience (psychological and somatoform dissociation), it enables these patients to disavow the life-threatening nature of their behavior, which makes the dissociative processes the most destructive factor in this psychopathology. The self-harm symptoms are a presymbolic form of communication that must be decoded and confronted in treatment to make recovery possible. For many patients who starve, purge, or mutilate themselves, the body is speaking of death. They require a treatment that protects their safety, determines their personal construct of death, treats the dissociative pathology and sadomasochism, and builds signal anxiety and other ego functions, especially affect regulation.
the article. )
 
 
katie.
04 mai 2008 @ 23:05
pro-ana + feminism  
I found this article interesting, so I'm posting it. Feel free to ignore my nerdiness/lack of acting like a regular human being.

I have to admit I find a feminist analysis of pro-ana sites very intriguing. I'm sure more than this one have been done, I'm just having trouble locating them.

Pollack, D. (2003). Pro-eating disorder websites: what should be the feminst response? Feminism & Psychology, 13(2), 246-251.

Pro-Eating Disorder Websites: What Should be the Feminist Response? )
 
 
humour: nerdy
 
 
katie.
28 avril 2008 @ 01:09
reading list.  

books to read! )
 
 
katie.
17 janvier 2008 @ 23:19
brilliance  
We do not rest satisfied with the present. We anticipate the future as too slow in coming, as if in order to hasten its course; or we recall the past, to stop its too rapid flight. So imprudent are we that we wander in the times which are not ours and do not think of the only one which belongs to us; and so idle are we that we dream of those times which are no more and thoughtlessly overlook that which alone exists. For the present is generally painful to us. We conceal it from our sight, because it troubles us; and, if it be delightful to us, we regret to see it pass away. We try to sustain it by the future and think of arranging matters which are not in our power, for a time which we have no certainty of reaching.

Let each one examine his thoughts, and he will find them all occupied with the past and the future. We scarcely ever think of the present; and if we think of it, it is only to take light from it to arrange the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means; the future alone is our end. So we never live, but we hope to live; and, as we are always preparing to be happy, it is inevitable we should never be so.
--Pascal, Pensees, no. 172
 
 
humour: working
 
 
katie.
21 novembre 2007 @ 00:03
frieda fromm-reichmann  
I mentioned Frieda Fromm-Reichmann in my last entry and decided to post the prologue (I found it online, it's long but worth reading; I read the book this past summer and loved it) of To Redeem One Person Is to Redeem the World: The Life of Frieda Fromm-Reichmann by Gail A. Hornstein here because she was a truly inspiring (she "built her reputation on the claim that no patient, however disturbed, was beyond the reach of psychotherapy") person and not enough people have heard of her.

To quote from the prologue:
So here we have the life of a woman who denied that she had accomplished much, who most people think is a fictional character, whose intellectual legacy is ambiguous, and whose work stands in contradiction to everything contemporary psychiatry believes in. Yet the ideal that guided her life and work remains intensely powerful even in our jaded lives: "To redeem one person is to redeem the world."


I really admire her, maybe it's because I'm too much of an idealist, but something in her faith in people's capacity to be saved even when the rest of the world regarded them as lost makes me adore her. It's such a shame that people hardly know who she was these days.

prologue )
 
 
humour: rather in love with ideas
 
 
katie.
29 juin 2007 @ 19:34
dsm-iv, section on eating disorders  
So, I thought I'd be incorrigibly nerdy and copy type some (the vast majority of it is online, so I didn't have to type as much as I'd anticipated :P) of the DSM-IV section on eating disorders for those interested parties (and for my own future reference); needless to say, I found it highly interesting.

If you see any really horrible typos (and you undoubtedly will), they're mine. :P

A caveat: this is all from the DSM-IV, which was published in 1994, so some information may not be current (the DSM-V is due out in 2010); still, it makes for an interesting read. It's also not meant to be a checklist for laypeople to diagnose themselves with, so take everything with the proverbial grain of salt. ;)

Happy reading, I hope someone finds this interesting.

DSM-IV, section on eating disorders (complete and unabridged):
intro )
307.1 Anorexia Nervosa )
307.51 Bulimia Nervosa )
307.50 Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified )

Wondering what the hell the DSM is? Look here.

Yes, I am a boring, nerdy person. :P

Side note: I'm so listing "inappropriate compensatory behavior" as an interest on lj, that sounds so despairingly obtuse and academic. Imagine it in a sentence- "Well, no, I'm afraid I can't go out, I plan on spending some time indulging in inappropriate compensatory behavior, actually." Ahem, yes, I have issues.
 
 
humour: geeky
 
 
katie.
15 mai 2007 @ 16:10
who is john galt?  
I'm currently reading Atlas Shrugged and am about to hit John Galt's massive speech, which I might post later (behind a cut ;) ) as I found the entire thing online and it is worth reading even if I don't agree with all of the points. It can be found in its entrity at "This is John Galt Speaking," but here's an excerpt:

"Every form of causeless self-doubt, every feeling of inferiority and secret unworthiness is, in fact, man's hidden dread of his inability to deal with existence. But the greater his terror, the more fiercely he clings to the murderous doctrines that choke him. No man can survive the moment of pronouncing himself irredeemably evil; should he do it, his next moment is insanity or suicide. To escape it—if he's chosen an irrational standard—he will fake, evade, blank out; he will cheat himself of reality, of existence, of happiness, of mind; and he will ultimately cheat himself of self-esteem by struggling to preserve its illusion rather than to risk discovering its lack. To fear to face an issue is to believe that the worst is true.

"It is not any crime you have committed that infects your soul with permanent guilt, it is none of your failures, errors or flaws, but the blank-out by which you attempt to evade them—it is not any sort of Original Sin or unknown prenatal deficiency, but the knowledge and fact of your basic default, of suspending your mind, of refusing to think. Fear and guilt are your chronic emotions, they are real and you do deserve them, but they don't come from the superficial reasons you invent to disguise their cause, not from your 'selfishness,' weakness or ignorance, but from a real and basic threat to your existence; fear, because you have abandoned your weapon of survival, guilt, because you know you have done it volitionally.

"The self you have betrayed is your mind; self-esteem is reliance on one's power to think. The ego you seek, that essential 'you' which you cannot express or define, is not your emotions or inarticulate dreams, but your intellect, that judge of your supreme tribunal whom you've impeached in order to drift at the mercy of any stray shyster you describe as your 'feeling.' Then you drag yourself through a self-made night, in a desperate quest for a nameless fire, moved by some fading vision of a dawn you had seen and lost.

. . . )

"Accept the irrevocable fact that your life depends upon your mind. Admit that the whole of your struggle, your doubts, your fakes, your evasions, was a desperate quest for escape from the responsibility of a volitional consciousness—a quest for automatic knowledge, for instinctive action, for intuitive certainty—and while you called it a longing for the state of an angel, what you were seeking was the state of an animal. Accept, as your moral ideal, the task of becoming a man.

"Do not say that you're afraid to trust your mind because you know so little. Are you safer in surrendering to mystics and discarding the little that you know? Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life. Redeem your mind from the hockshops of authority. Accept the fact that you are not omniscient, but playing a zombie will not give you omniscience—that your mind is fallible, but becoming mindless will not make you infallible—that an error made on your own is safer than ten truths accepted on faith, because the first leaves you the means to correct it, but the second destroys your capacity to distinguish truth from error. In place of your dream of an omniscient automation, accept the fact that any knowledge man acquires is acquired by his own will and effort, and that that is his distinction in the universe, that is his nature, his morality, his glory.

. . .  )

"Accept the fact that the achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness—not pain or mindless self-indulgence—is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values. Happiness was the responsibility you dreaded, it required the kind of rational discipline you did not value yourself enough to assume—and the anxious staleness of your day is the monument to your evasion of the knowledge that there is no moral substitute for happiness, that there is no more despicable coward than the man who deserted the battle for his joy, fearing to assert his right to existence, lacking the courage and the loyalty to life of a bird or a flower reaching for the sun. Discard the protective rags of that vice which you called a virtue: humility—learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness—and when you learn that pride is the sum of all virtues, you will learn to live like a man."

I love Ayn Rand at times.
 
 
katie.
24 avril 2007 @ 21:12
killing us softly  
One of my psychology professors had us watch part of "Killing Us Softly 3" by Jene Kilbourne in class the other day, which is evidently a rather well-known film on the way women are portrayed in advertising. I looked it up on the Internet and the entire thing is on Google video, so if you haven't seen it and you have 34 minutes here it is. ;)
It does make you think doesn't it?
 
 
humour: thoughtful
 
 
katie.
18 mars 2007 @ 22:55
sisyphus  
"Happiness and the absurd are two sons of the same earth. They are inseparable. It would be a mistake to say that happiness necessarily springs from the absurd. Discovery. It happens as well that the felling of the absurd springs from happiness. 'I conclude that all is well,' says Edipus, and that remark is sacred. It echoes in the wild and limited universe of man. It teaches that all is not, has not been, exhausted. It drives out of this world a god who had come into it with dissatisfaction and a preference for futile suffering. It makes of fate a human matter, which must be settled among men.

"All Sisyphus' silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. His rock is a thing. Likewise, the absurd man, when he contemplates his torment, silences all the idols. In the universe suddenly restored to its silence, the myriad wondering little voices of the earth rise up. Unconscious, secret calls, invitations from all the faces, they are the necessary reverse and price of victory. There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. The absurd man says yes and his efforts will henceforth be unceasing. If there is a personal fate, there is no higher destiny, or at least there is, but one which he concludes is inevitable and despicable. For the rest, he knows himself to be the master of his days. At that subtle moment when man glances backward over his life, Sisyphus returning toward his rock, in that slight pivoting he contemplates that series of unrelated actions which become his fate, created by him, combined under his memory's eye and soon sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the wholly human origin of all that is human, a blind man eager to see who knows that the night has no end, he is still on the go. The rock is still rolling.

"I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Ch. 4. of The Myth of Sisyphus is online, one should go and read it if you have a moment. ;)
 
 
humour: contemplative
 
 
katie.
04 octobre 2006 @ 20:34
haunting  
I saw this a while ago, it really does make you think- though it's also very triggering, so consider yourself warned.

The words to describe pro-ana sites simply escape me these days.
 
 
humour: rather pensive