I don't know if I've posted about this before, and quite frankly I'm far too lazy to go back and check, but the first episode of the second season of Darkwing Duck, besides being the one where Drake and Launchpad TOTALLY KISS, has DW fighting a villain with various climate control powers. At one point he aims his gas gun at her and she makes the room really hot, so the gas gun...wilts.

At which point he turns to the camera and says "I hate it when that happens."

I...did not get that joke as a child.

So in The Dark Knight, when ( spoiler! )and I laughed so hard I cried.

Jess: The only thing is that Booster is from the 25th century, not the 30th.
Becky: Oh, I thought it was the 30th.
Jess: No, that's when the Legion is from. Although he does have a Legion flight ring that was in the Space Museum five hundred years before it was invented.
Becky: Huh.
Jess: Yeah, I don't know. But the crazy thing is -
Rachel: *chokes on rice*
Becky: Oh, did you not know we hadn't gotten to the crazy part yet?

1. You should all go sign up for dcmarvelthon! Because someone really needs to write Ollie and Tony comparing facial hair. Like, a lot.

2. Remember when that Barda bust came out and everyone was pissed because wtf, why is BIG BARDA a HAT-CHECK GIRL? (Also annoying: Supergirl. I responded the only way I knew how.) Well, check out the new pointy horror. WTF, DC, she's 16. Leave her damn skirt down. (Although I do have to admit I like that she has the Fawcett squintiness.) On the other hand, I think Kory's statue is beautiful. So joyous!

3. What is Ted doing? I mean, I can only assume he's supposed to be checking out Bea's cleavage - assuming he can see through Tora's head - but it really looks more like he is planning to do something either sexy or hilarious or possibly SEXLARIOUS to Booster.

ETA: Not specifically comics, but you should also sign up for the Porn-a-thon. Because, you know. Porn! It's good times.

poisonivory: I should talk about what I want to see in Boostle fic more often
poisonivory: Judging by how I have THREE AWESOME COMMENTFICS now
poisonivory: *stupidly happy*
second_batgirl: awwwww
second_batgirl: yay!
poisonivory: XD XD XD SO MUCH BOOSTLE
poisonivory: Even Becky wrote some
poisonivory: Clearly my powers are amazing, since you like Ted now and Becky is writing Boostle
poisonivory: Obviously I just need five minutes to talk to Didio about that time they went on a date in Paris and he'll be all "JOHNS. GIFFEN. BLUE AND GOLD: THE WEDDING ALBUM. MAKE IT HAPPEN."
poisonivory: Johns will clasp his hands girlishly and say "My dream project! Hal will officiate."
second_batgirl: heeeeeee
poisonivory: Hal, of course, has been ordained by the Church of Jordanism


In other news, it's a craptastic day for musicals: a sequel to Hairspray and an MTV remake of Rocky Horror. *shakes tiny, impotent fists*

I have this thing where whenever fic in a fandom seems to follow a certain pattern, I want to reverse it. So if one character always seems to top, I want him to bottom, and if one character is always sekritly in love with the other, I want to switch it up.

In that vein, I really kind of want fic where Ted is pursuing Booster. I have a hard time even wrapping my head around such a thing except in AUs, and even then not so much, but man, I'd love to see it. The only place it really makes sense in my head is if Ted has just come back from the dead and is like "Psh, no more time-wasting, we smooch now," but of course such a fic would have to be much more about, you know, how he came back from the dead and how many happy tears Booster cries, and less totally shameless romantic fluff.

So basically, how could this be done? And WHO WILL WRITE IT FOR ME?

Every so often I get bizarre comics fixations and spend my allotted goofing-off minutes at work compiling random information, like female character who ever operated as a teenage superhero in the DCU, or the civilian careers of every Golden Age hero. My most recent one is sports teams for fictional cities. I've always been charmed by the idea of the various fictionopolises having teams that reflect their names or superheroes: the Gotham Knights, the Star City Rockets, the Keystone Whirlwhinds, the Coast City We Love Hal Jordans, the Hub City Ever-Deepening Pit of Existential Despairs…

Here are the ones I could find via Wikipedia and the DC Database, plus the source if it was listed and wasn't straight from regular comicsverse:

Gotham
Baseball: Goliaths, Eagles (Adam West Batman), Knights (No Man's Land novel), Giants (The Daily Planet Guide to Gotham City), Griffins, Monarchs (a Metropolis franchise that moved to the city after No Man's Land), and Guardians (The Batman Strikes)
Basketball: Gators (The Batman), Guardsmen (52 website), Valkyries (women's team, The Daily Planet Guide to Gotham City), Amazons (women's)
Football: Knights (B:TaS), Goliaths, Wildcats (The Daily Planet Guide to Gotham City)
Hockey: Blades (The Daily Planet Guide to Gotham City)

Metropolis
Baseball: Monarchs and Meteors (the Monarchs are Clark's favorite, so I have decided that they are the Yankees analog)
Basketball: Generals
Football: Metros, Meteors, Sharks (Smallville, so forget that one)
Hockey: Mammoths

Star City
Baseball: Rockets
Basketball: Thunder

Midway City
Baseball: Chiefs
Basketball: Sprints
Football: Cardinals
Hockey: Wolverines

Anyone know of any others? Or college teams? (And hey, anyone less lazy than me want to look up Booster's team? Or Guy's? According to the current BG series he played for Michigan, but fictional teams are way more fun...)

(I also discovered during this search that apparently Midwestern University is located in Keystone City. I call Ted 'n' Wally SHENANIGANS!)

I finally saw The Dark Knight last night, but I waited to post about it – partially because I got home late and was exhausted, but mostly because I was so angry I couldn't see straight. So! ( Let's get into it, shall we? )

I'm going through my bookshelves, trying to get rid of books I no longer want/need. I've taken out about one per hundred, which is...bad.

But the real question is, why do I have a book about how dragons are real but living on the astral plane? Like, seriously, self? (Actually, it was a gift and I've never read it, but OMG WTF ASTRAL PLANE.)

I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for Toon Disney to get around to showing the Goof Troop episode "Puppy Love," since I've seen it described as sort of the precursor to A Goofy Movie, and since there are Goof Troop comics featuring Roxanne, I assumed this had wee Roxanne in it at well, which would have been adorable.

But no. "Puppy Love" is about a crush PJ has on some girl named Rose, and his attempts to woo her while being led astray by the bad advice of his father and Max. The animation and writing were even more subpar than usual - like, to the point where I couldn't believe some segments of the animation got approved (i.e. when Max stuffs PJ in a locker for the cliched Cyrano bit and keeps shoving long after PJ has been stuffed in and is just a still frame - WHILE PJ is making "oh noes you are pushing me" noises. Just terrible).

Also, it was GIGANTICLY FUCKING CREEPY. As mentioned above, they do the Cyrano thing and Rose winds up going to the dance with Max. So Max comes up with the plan to have PJ take a date, and then Max will head off with PJ's date, leaving Rose alone with PJ.

And who does Max come up with for PJ's date?

PEG. PJ's MOM.

And then they have to HIDE PEG IN THE CLOSET when Pete comes in, because he'll be ANGRY that his WIFE is stepping out with his SON, and OMFG SO FUCKING DISTURBING.

(On the other hand, Max was delightfully homosocial and completely uninterested in girls and actually a good friend to PJ! I mean, an idiot, but he tried and was considerate and stuff! Which is a step up for him! Also, the Disney Afternoon's idea of what all the hip kids were wearing, listening to, and dancing like in 1992 is HILARIOUS (Peg wears capri leggings with the knees torn out, oh my GOD). And as part of Pete's advice, which I think PJ misunderstood, PJ wears overalls, a bandanna, and an Elmer Fudd hat. So that was good.)

Weirdly, Goofy doesn't appear once in this episode, and Max only refers to him obliquely in one line. I think this is the only Goofy-free episode. (I bet there aren't any Pete-free ones. Sigh.)


In other TV news, I am still watching and enjoying SYTYCD (Katee and Joshua! Chelsie and Mark! ...are they partners again now, btw?), but my main reaction to finally catching up on this past week's episodes was staring at the enormously pregnant two-step choreographer as she did her thing and going "But...you have a baby in you! YOU HAVE A BABY IN YOU!" Seriously, how does someone so pregnant move so fast?

Band-aids do not stay on pinky toes. Especially in summer, when your feet sweat. (What? They do.)

Also, if you have a foot issue, it is not wise to walk twenty blocks before dinner and then twenty more blocks after dinner, no matter how much you like walking. In fact, if one of your friends say "Hey Jess, would you like to take the subway because you have foot issues?" you should say "Why yes I would!" (and also correct them if your name is not in fact Jess).

Because otherwise what will happen is that you will subconsciously try to avoid the pain of the outer-toe blisters by walking on the inside of your foot, and you will DAMAGE THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR ARCH.

Then, if on the next day you continue to walk on your doubly-injured foot, you will DAMAGE THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR SHIN.

Presumably, my knee will be the next victim.

This message has been brought to you by the Society for Jess Is a Fucking Idiot.

phoenixfire_lia: Also, Ted is wondering if either of them has lube. Whatever Austen-era lube was. Which there probably wasn't. Ow.
poisonivory: ...olive oil?
phoenixfire_lia: Something that shouldn't be used for lube at all?
poisonivory: Well, it's England. Maybe salt pork.
phoenixfire_lia: Tea.
poisonivory: Crumpets!
phoenixfire_lia: Wizards!

Today I missed my bus and got in trouble with my boss's boss for something that wasn't my fault. Today I had a sinus headache, my period, and a sharp pain in my foot that turned out to be blisters on two of my toes from them rubbing together, like, come on, feet, way to be giant babies about life. Today I just barely staved off two (entirely justifiable, more's the pity) panic attacks, and was such a wreck that on the bus ride home I started worrying about the fact that I'm home alone all week and what if I fall down the stairs and break my neck, what will I do? And it may yet get worse before it gets better, due to me fucking up yet again.

But! That is not important. What is important is that we talk about The Tom and Jerry Movie.

The first thing you need to know is that I love, and have always loved, Tom and Jerry. They are my favorite "chase cartoon" characters, way more than, say, the Roadrunner and Coyote, since the Roadrunner is clearly the devil and I always want poor Wile E. to kill and eat him, or at least kill him. I hated Tweety, but those cartoons were always much more about Sylvester, who was usually likeable, when he wasn't bragging to his son about his prowess at hunting (Tiny Jess: "OMG BE SELF-AWARE!") or fighting kangaroos, which apparently look like giant, hopping mice (Tiny Jess: "OMG IT'S A FUCKING KANGAROO JESUS CHRIST."), and I enjoyed Speedy Gonzales, back when I didn't understand about ethnic stereotypes. But Tom and Jerry are superior to all other chase characters.

The second thing you need to know is that this movie is completely deranged. Basically Tom and Jerry find themselves out on the streets via a contrived set of circumstances and wind up trying to help an adorable little girl named Robyn escape her evil aunt and find her missing mustachioed father, but the biggie is that Tom and Jerry TALK. I was young enough when I first saw this that I accepted that, and I actually love the scene where they first talk, but as I understand it from my 30 terrified seconds of being in the Tiny Toons fandom, this was not a popular creative decision and because of the talking the movie is not considered canon among hardcore T&Jers. (Which, like...what does that mean? Do they sit around trying to decide which comes first, the short where Tom puts Jerry outside in the snow and then feels guilty and thaws the mousicle over the fire by holding him by his tail, or the one where Tom paints nuts (as in nuts and bolts) yellow and sprays them with Cheese Scent (lololol) and Jerry eats them and Tom catches him with a magnet? I HOPE THAT IS WHAT THEY DO.)

Anyway. If you think you can deal with the talking (and hey, Jerry is voiced by Dana Hill, who played Max on Goof Troop! That's pretty awesome), here are some links:

"Friends to the End" - A dog and a flea who are best friends despite the fact that one subsists on the blood of the other teach Tom and Jerry the importance of teamwork. I particularly enjoy the way Pugsy reaches behind a pile of garbage for his cane. That small effort to make it make sense makes it make much, much less sense.

"I Miss You" - Robyn (ROBYN STARLING OMG) sings plaintively to her lost mustachioed daddy. This song still gets me.

"What Do We Care?" - Insane alley cats attack Tom. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?

"Money Is Such a Beautiful Word" - Crack. Sheer crack.

If you want to watch the whole movie, it starts here. Alas, the songs are inexplicably cut out of it and I couldn't find two of them on YouTube (the one sung by the deranged veterinarian who likes to murder animals (YES OMG WTF) and the one sung by the deranged carnival owner with the parrot puppet), but I think you'll get the gist regardless.

Anyway. It is a terrible, terrible movie, and I love it muchly, and am fascinated by the development of Tom and Jerry's friendship. I KNOW. I AM WEIRD. We have all accepted this by now, I hope!

So yes. Cheer me up by discussing Tom and Jerry in the comments, or telling hilarious fart jokes, or posting Boostle commentfic, or what have you. It is how Tom and Jerry would want it!

So I got me a copy of Modern Masters: Kevin Maguire, because I have a crazy artcrush on him, and it's pretty awesome - I'm actually typing up various JLI/Superbuddies-related quotes for you all (and have five pages of quotes so far, whoops). But they're talking about the "one punch!" scene and they show the pencils for it, and...

I still love that great incidental art of Ted tossing the ring over his shoulder. (The pages are here, if you need your memory refreshed.) But think about it. He had the most powerful tool/weapon in the universe, something that can literally split atoms, and he tossed it on the floor, where it got lost under the computer console (and a) led directly to (some of) Guy's brain damage, and b) led to the awesome "Mousebusters" story).

That is...simultaneously noble, and really freaking stupid and irresponsible at the same time. So basically, perfectly in character. Oh, Ted.

I’ve been holding off on making this post for like three years now, because hey, who am I to tell people what to think about Booster? But working at an academic publisher has reminded me that what did I get an English degree for if not to impose my own interpretations on various media? So with the necessary caveat that this is just my interpretation and your mileage may certainly vary, I present: Booster’s Twin Pathology and Why I Hate It When People Call Him Michael. ETA: Spoilers for Booster Gold #1,000,000!

( Gazing at Booster’s navel. Wait, do they have those in the future? )

I forgot to mention while I was bitching about Booster Gold #1,000,000 that ( spoiler! )

Last night I saw Journey to the Center of the Earth with queenitsy and harmonyangel.

...You know how a few years ago Brendan Fraser made a movie where he was a cartoon character, or something? I'm starting to think that was a documentary. Because this movie was entirely a cartoon, albeit one that just happened to have live action actors and stuff. Luckily, I really enjoy cartoons.

Also, the female lead kicked so much ass. Like, at one point I heard Jen (I think) whisper, "Wait. So...she's Batman?" Which...pretty much! She's Batman. She can breathe in space.


Unrelatedly, whilst in a Starbucks we were talking about the hilarity of mustaches, and I, of course, managed to bring the conversation around to Ted and Booster.

Jess: See, but this one issue of Booster Gold just confirmed my theory that Booster is incapable of growing hair below the eyelashes, because he tells Ted they'll have to disguise him. "Maybe you should put on a mustache." You know, Booster, if Ted just stops shaving (for, like, fifteen minutes), a mustache will just appear!
Jen and Becky: *giggle*
Jess: But Booster doesn't understand. Because Booster doesn't have any hair below the eyelashes, or nipples.
Jen: Wait. Okay, I know what you meant, but now I'm picturing him with no hair between the eyelashes and nipples.
Jess: *dies* And then, like, fur below the nipples?
Jen: Yes!
Jess: That's, like. A fur girdle. IT'S A FURDLE.
Becky: Popular among maleians! [Note: Only second_batgirl will get that one.] Wait. Do you think they wear furdles in the Fertile Crescent?

I tried to make a voicepost, because obvs those are auditory puns, but a) I don't have my LJ set up for voicepostage, and b) we were laughing so hard we couldn't speak, or move. It was AWESOME.

And now we come to last of the JLA v2/JLTF/EJ scans. Let us all clasp hands and shed bitter tears. Or, you know, not.

( Uh, yes, our secret cowboy jobs are very hard to hold down. )

So that's that! Next time...I'm not sure. I don't really feel like reading JLA v3. Perhaps I will tackle Action Comics more diligently. From the BEGINNING. That...could take a while.

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

When Cathy and Chris’s father dies, their mother takes them and their much younger twin siblings to live with her parents. There the kids discover that they are the products of incest – their father was their grandfather’s much-younger half-brother – and that their mother was disinherited when she married him. They are hidden away in the attic by their flighty mother and their cruel, pious grandmother until their grandfather writes his daughter back into his will and then dies. As the years pass, Cathy and Chris bond in the face of their abusive grandmother, neglectful mother, needy siblings, and as they pass through puberty they develop an incestuous relationship of their own. Finally tragedy prompts them to escape their confinement, but don’t worry – there are like five more fucked-up books in this series.

Oh man, this is a terrible, ridiculous book. I read this for my office book club, and…wow. Like, not only is it insanely over-the-top (The grandmother pours tar on Cathy’s hair! Chris rapes Cathy after she kisses their sleeping stepfather! The little brother is poisoned with ARSENIC DONUTS!), but the prose is terrible. I don’t like to draw conclusions about an author from the text, but y’all, V.C. Andrews was CRAZY.


The Fug Awards by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

Go Fug Yourself in book form. I don’t think I need to explain it any further. This is delicious balm for my brain after the incestuous monstrosity above; even Britney’s worse sartorial missteps are pleasing to the Jess. Good times.


Showcase Presents: The Elongated Man

DIBNYYYYYYYS. So much Dibnys! Man, this book was great, especially once Ralph stopped playing second fiddle to Barry and went off on his own adventures. I love his awful puns and his ludicrous elongations (punching bad guys out with his FOREHEAD! elongating his EYEBALLS!). I love that his “mystery solving” tends to be “I will follow the bad guys until one of them exposits their plan, then punch everyone.” I love that one of the stories is called “The Bellringer and the Baffling Bongs.”

Even more delightful is the interaction between Ralph and Sue. Aside from patronizing descriptions of Sue as a “pretty girl” basically all the time, she’s sassy and personable and brilliant. She solves a handful of the mysteries herself, is never a damsel in distress, and teases her goofball husband about his vanity and single-minded mystery-loving. She packs him sandwiches to take while he’s crimefighting. And she’s adorable and wears the most ridiculous outfits and they’re both SO FREAKING HOT and spend a lot of their time lounging around in bed and smooching and you just know they have a ton of giggly sex. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.