actual conversation from the phone lines at apple
CUSTOMER
"hello, yes, i am calling because my 9-year-old son mistakenly ordered... well... it looks like he ordered five personalized ipods. i really need to cancel those if i can."

ME
"well, sir, i see the ipods here, and, unfortunately, they have all shipped, so they cannot be cancelled at this time, and since they are all personalized, i am sorry, but we cannot accept them for return."

CUSTOMER
"oh jesus... he is in so much trouble... (covers mouthpiece to phone) they said we can't return them, josh, just like i told you! you are in big, big trouble, mister! don't 'but dad,' me... get in your room right this very minute and close the door. (uncovers mouthpiece) oh jesus... what is the total cost on this order?"

ME
"uhm... well, sir, it's just over $1300 after the tax."

CUSTOMER
"oh my god... (covers mouth piece) josh! this little stunt of yours is costing me $1300! you are in such big trouble, you have no idea! no summer camp for you! you just spent the money we were going to use! (uncovers mouthpiece) say, can you do me a favour?"

ME
"sure, sir, anything at all. how can i help?"

CUSTOMER
"can you tell me what he got engraved on the backs of the ipods?"

ME
"no problem... give me just a moment... (long pause)... uhm... sir?

CUSTOMER
"yes?"

ME
"are you sure you want me to read this to you?

CUSTOMER
"(mumbles something)... yes, i am very sure."

ME
"it's... uhm... they've got profanity."

CUSTOMER
"can you please just read them to me, please?"

ME
"okay... uhm... apologies in advance. the first one says, uhm, 'april sucks balls'. the second one says, uhm, 'april eats donkey dicks'. uhm... do you want me to go on, sir?

CUSTOMER
"(pause)... yes... i want to know everything."

ME
"okay, uhm, and the third one says, 'april is a bitch.' and the fourth one says, 'april is a ho.' and the last one says, 'april is...' uhm..."

CUSTOMER
"yes? please tell me what it says. just tell me and get it over with..."

ME
"well, sir, it says, uhm... 'april is...' uhm... then it has.. uhm... the f-word."

CUSTOMER
"(mumbles something)... i can't... i can't believe this... this is... and we can't return these?"

ME
"sir, i can consult a supervisor and see if we can make an exception... can i please put you on hold?"

CUSTOMER
"yes, please. i would really appreciate it. (covers phone) april! go tell your brother to get down here right this very minute! (uncovers phone) thank you. thank you very much."

ME
"something tells me someone's in big, big trouble."

CUSTOMER
"you have no idea. he's going to be grounded until he's 30."

in the end, we made the exception and allowed him to return the ipods. i wish that i could get my hands on just one of those ipods.