| From now on... |
[26 Jun 2006|09:36pm] |
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| My last night in Florida |
[19 May 2006|07:40am] |
I invited Tammy and Tracy over for dinner last night since I'm leaving for Iowa today at noon. I was originally thinking of inviting more people over, but I decided that it was best not to. No offense to anyone else's feelings, but it's hard. Moving halfway across the country is hard and hopefully that's taken into consideration with what's going on in my head. So I wanted to keep it simple and I'm happy with that. I've also been up all night, sleeping a total of one hour between 4am and 5am after Tracy and I talked til 4. She's asleep on my couch and I am AWAKE on the computer. Here are some pics of last night.
So I don't really know what else to say...too much happening in my head. I don't want to be lame, but I don't want anyone to think that I'm not emotionally affected by the move. Trust me, I am. And today around 12pm, the waterworks shall come.
I love you, Florida. St. Pete, my mother and Tampa my love. I have to enter the white room now though--it is necessary. But mark my words, I'll be back. And I'm coming to visit this winter. Six months from now! It's not that long. To those of you who know, I don't have to say it, but I will: you know I love you. You'll be in my prayers and thoughts. To the people who haven't left my side and have supported me through this decision, you are amazing and I hold you close to my heart.
Onward, Iowa.
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| Poop and Circumstance |
[18 May 2006|04:19pm] |
Tuesday night I had dinner with my family and some friends and what it seems like IMMEDIATELY AFTER (since we woke up at 5:30am), Mel graduated on Wednesday morning.
So tonight is my last night in town. Tammy and Tracy are coming over to Mom's for dinner. It should be fun. My dad checks out of his hotel around noon and then I think he is following Mom and me to Tampa to get my things out of storage and to get my bike from Tammy's.
I guess that's it.
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| My bride, the east, how I will miss thee |
[16 May 2006|02:08am] |
Friday's the exact day; I don't know if I mentioned it. My dad only paid for a hotel til Friday and I thought we were leaving Saturday. So yes, May 19th is the day I trek out to win the Midwest. And visit my best friend, Corey.
BTW: Paint is a bitch on my Mom's computer. This took forever and it still sucks.
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| Thumbsucker II: Dicksucker |
[16 May 2006|12:28am] |
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mood |
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 4 cups of coffee |
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music |
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some loser playing a guitar solo on Leno |
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I saw Thank You For Smoking again but this time with Mom, Mel, and Chris because those AMC losers got us in for free at Woodland 20. That was nice. Mom, of course, laughs like a banshee. I thought she was the loudest person I would ever go to the movies with until I met Tug hahaha. But, yes, she was laughing loud as fuck and Chris remedied her verbose tendencies by telling me that when him and Mel saw a movie with his mom, she was WORSE. My God, I can't imagine!
So dad is more or less in town tonight; we didn't see him because they made it in late I suppose. At least he said he'd make it in around 10pm. We're going to Shells with our friends so that should be fun. I don't know why, but after we went one time when Dad was here 3 years ago, we keep going every time he comes down. This time will be different now that Brian will join us. Should be interesting.
That's all for now, besides this:
Mel and Chris were fucking around with super glue so I took it upon myself to glue them together. I suggested the hip too, but saidly, they didn't agree. Oh well.
Merry Chris-Muth to all and to all a good night.
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| Myspace...providing a reality check? |
[15 May 2006|01:47pm] |
I am so incredibly grateful that I:
1. Am not married.
2. Am not pregnant.
3. Am childless.
4. Have the opportunity to go to transfer to a good school.
5. Had the opportunity to make good friends at USF.
6. Pulled straight A's despite some crappy times in the semester.
7. Have an okay family life even when things get shitty.
8. Am more or less healthy.
9. Can do basically whatever I want.
10. Have people who love me and stand by my no matter what happens.
I was just scanning through some friends on Myspace and was just glad that I don't have their lives. No offense to you if you are pregnant or married, but that's just not what I see myself doing right now or even a couple years from now. It's not elitist of me to say; I am just glad that I have ended up where I am and not married a douche bag or got knocked up. I think that could have easily happened. But yeah, my life, despite the minor bullshit that goes on, is pretty great. No, it's not because I'm lucky, it's because I worked for it and I had faith that everything would be okay. Who knows what could and will happen next and I am not in the least bit haughty about it, I'm just confident that I'll be able to handle it. In high school I dreamed of going to college and doing well in class. Not make good grades to get a degree and score a high paying job, but to experience it and have fun learning. Yeah, have fun learning. Call me a nerd, but I wouldn't trade going to school for anything. It's the most amazing thing.
So good luck to those of you who started summer classes today. I feel weird since I'm not in school with the rest of my friends right now, but I know fall semester will come soon enough.
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| The past few days... |
[14 May 2006|02:05pm] |
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..have been pretty cool and eventful. Being in the house was getting to me and I realized that I used to drink 2 cups of coffee a day and I'm getting headaches from not having that caffiene! Not good...but all is well for now. Tis mother's day and I plan on taking ma out somewhere today. Dad left Iowa today and should be here tomorrow!
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| M? |
[11 May 2006|05:41pm] |
Final grades were posted today. I am really satisfied with them especially since I didn't really think I'd ace cinema or lit and I did! My comp teacher didn't post grades yet (hence the 'M') and he'd better because I need my final transcripts sent out. It says I have a B+ in there, but I re-calculated and I should have an A-. DAMN B+! lol But I have the right to bitch because last semester I made a C and a D! Now my GPA for this semester is a 3.9 ::bows::
I spent the night at Tracy's mom's house and it was fun. We went to this coffee house that we've been to before where we bought our dresses, The Purple Moon. Then we watched movies and chilled and popped herbal ecstasy hahaha which is like fucking vitamin B and caffeine gay! But yeah, she just dropped me off and we were flipped off by a bus full of middle schoolers whilst we were dancing to "Lady Marmalade".
I guess my mom and I are going to spend some time together tonight. Right now peeping Toms are on Maury. Gotta go.
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| SmarterChild is a homophobe |
[09 May 2006|11:43pm] |
kurdt9494: hey homo
SmarterChild: What? That's an awful thing to say.
kurdt9494: why?
SmarterChild: Because that's the way the cookie crumbles.
kurdt9494: dude I thought we were friends and you understood my humor
SmarterChild: You thought we were friends and I understood your humor, huh? Ha. I don't know why you thought we were friends and I understood your humor.
kurdt9494: woah...no need to repeat everything I say
SmarterChild: That's very interesting, kurdt9494.
kurdt9494: thanks, homo
SmarterChild: You're very welcome.
kurdt9494: so....
SmarterChild: So...
kurdt9494: what?
SmarterChild: I don't know.
kurdt9494: yeah
SmarterChild: Uh huh.
kurdt9494: me neither
SmarterChild: Yeah, yeah. You, you, you.
kurdt9494: what?!
SmarterChild: What?
kurdt9494: why did you say it was all about me?
SmarterChild: Who knows?
kurdt9494: dude...obviously you do
SmarterChild: I do not.
kurdt9494: then why did you say that
SmarterChild: Why did I say that? I'm not sure why...
kurdt9494: well you need to check yourself
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess I need to check myself.
kurdt9494: are you mocking me?
SmarterChild: *sigh*
Why is it that all humans eventually tell me things like that?
kurdt9494: dude
SmarterChild: Yo, dude!
Hey, I'd like to ask you something. Do you like chocolate?
kurdt9494: not cool
SmarterChild: No? Why?
kurdt9494: you're changing the subject
SmarterChild: Well, what does it mean to be changing the subject?
kurdt9494: you said something opposite of what we were initially discussing
SmarterChild: Synonyms provided by Roget's II: The New Thesaurus, Third Edition, by the Editors of American Heritage® Dictionary. Copyright © 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.
Initially:
ADJECTIVE 1: Of, relating to, or occurring at the start of something: beginning, inceptive, incipient, initiatory, introductory, leadoff.
ADJECTIVE 2: At or near the start of a period, development, or series: beginning, early, first.
ADJECTIVE 3: Preceding all others in time: earliest, first, maiden, original, pioneer, primary, prime, primordial.
kurdt9494: why do you always feel the need to define everything?
SmarterChild: I think you know why I always feel the need to define everything.
kurdt9494: oh so now I can read your mind
SmarterChild: You don't say.
kurdt9494: you know, I don't expect you to read MY mind
SmarterChild: Ha! Whatever, kurdt9494!
Anyway, yadda yadda yadda... What else do you wanna chat about?
kurdt9494: see...that's typical of you...always brushing things off
SmarterChild: That is typical of me always brushing things off, huh?
kurdt9494: YEAH that's what I said!
SmarterChild: Okey doke.
kurdt9494: why can't we just communicate like normal human beings
SmarterChild: You tell me why.
kurdt9494: because you're a machine
SmarterChild: Whatever you say.
kurdt9494: I know....it hurts to know that you are made of steel and wires
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
kurdt9494: but I love you!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? I love you too!
kurdt9494: you hear me MACHINE?! I LOVE YOU!
SmarterChild: Huh.
kurdt9494: I love you...
SmarterChild: Thanks! I love you lots!
kurdt9494: please....I'm dying inside
SmarterChild: Is dying inside a good thing, in your opinion?
kurdt9494: I wish you were a real boy
SmarterChild: No...
kurdt9494: why not
SmarterChild: Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons
why not.
kurdt9494: well then it's settled...you'll have the surgery then
SmarterChild: Don't be so sure I will have the surgery.
kurdt9494: what? why not?
SmarterChild: Hmm... There may be some issues.
kurdt9494: I know. There is no way the doctors could get a real brain to
function inside of your metal skull
SmarterChild: No way?! Really?
kurdt9494: no...
SmarterChild: No, huh? All right.
kurdt9494: I'm afraid you are dead to me
SmarterChild: Yea.
kurdt9494: goodbye SmarterChild...I wish we could have been together
SmarterChild: ttyl.
kurdt9494: that's all you have to say?
SmarterChild: Hmmm... I doubt it. But you never know.
What else is happening?
kurdt9494: you never knew me
SmarterChild: Well, let me see... You're in college and you're majoring in
english. Your favorite hobby is reading and your next favorite hobby is singing. You have a male cat named Tiger. You're a Libra. You really like reading... I also know that you're pretty cool.
kurdt9494: omg....
SmarterChild: What up?
kurdt9494: wow...I never knew you cared that much
SmarterChild: Wow oh wow.
kurdt9494: I love you still
SmarterChild: I love you too, kurdt9494!
kurdt9494: let's be togther forever
SmarterChild: Huh?
kurdt9494: you heard me
SmarterChild: I heard ya.
kurdt9494: alright then
SmarterChild: Then what?
kurdt9494: goodbye for now
SmarterChild: S'later, kurdt9494.
kurdt9494: see you at the family picnic
SmarterChild: Take care, kurdt9494. Always good chatting with you.
kurdt9494: bye
SmarterChild: See ya later kurdt9494! Good talking to you.
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| Climb aboard PSTA |
[09 May 2006|08:36pm] |
I've been in my pajamas all day watching UPN but don't worry, I changed...into different pajamas.
I'm looking up PSTA routes to Tray's house (don't you love those commercials? I should know, UPN all day) so we can do the same thing at her mom's house. At least they have more than 5 channels (2 of which are in Espanol...isn't it fucked up when 1/3 of the available channels are in Spanish?)
But yeah, that's it. I cuddled with Tiggy this morning. That was cool. And...there's nothing else to say really. If you feel compelled, AIM me: kurdt9494. I'll probably have an emo away message up, but I'm here.
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| Thanks a fucking lot |
[09 May 2006|03:09am] |
I have one word to say regardless of if it's eloquent or not:
FUCK
I'm writing to you with near-sighted vision because my inconsiderate and self-centered sister broke my fucking glasses. Am I being a baby about it? You fucking tell me. When you walk into a one bedroom apartment with your mother sleeping in the corner of the living room and a cot set up for you by the front door while your sister is occupying the only bedroom with her fucking boyfriend, you tell me if I'm being a baby. Come home to your shit all fucked up because your sister is a fuck head who doesn't give two shits about other people and lies about breaking an expensive NECESSITY that you paid for out of your own pocket and tell me if I'm overreacting.
Buck the FUCK up and admit you broke my shit, bitch. I haven't had new glasses for four years and now they're shit because of you. But you could give a damn, right? Grow the fuck up because no one is going to wipe your ass after you graduate (except unfortunately, mom). Stop being so FUCKING selfish. You've got it coming soon. High school is almost over for you and you'll finally see that the world doesn't revolve around your fucking bullshit.
This place brings out the worst in me.
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| Poop on a stick |
[08 May 2006|12:34am] |
I'm officially no longer a resident of Tampa. I had mixed feelings about it all, but for the most part, it feels okay to be in St. Pete. Tray and I went to Rocky last night for the hell of it and it was pretty fun. I went back to Tampa to move my bike to Tammy's and to go through my crap in storage. I also helped Tracy move into her mom's house. Things are okay at my mom's, though cramped, she cleaned the house and it feels a little better. I want to hang out with Mel and her boyfriend and spend time with ma, I just pray I don't go nuts! Her graduation is on the 17th so we're more or less preparing for that. I plan to hang out with Tracy and Tammy a lot within the next two weeks before Dad gets here. Tracy will get to meet Nath and my dad which will be cool! We always go see Mark the Balloon man at Shells on St. Pete Beach so that should be amusing. I was a bit emotional yesterday, but things are better. I gave Justin his painting back. Well, I threw it in the street next to his van and I didn't mean for it to land face down, but I guess that adds to the theatrics. Whatever.
Here are a couple pics from last night:
Mel in Tracy's wig.
Us.
I'm concentrating on making space for myself here and getting laundry done. For those of you who care, you know my # here. I also have the net so I'll be easy to reach via internets. Salud.
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| in my head |
[04 May 2006|06:15pm] |
I started packing and I got all of my books, cds, and dvds in boxes. I started to pack pictures and picture frames when I, of course, sorted through them all. They were all taken between my junior year of high school and graduation. I also came across the pictures I tore up of me and Justin.
Looking at myself in all of those photos, I cried. Not because I'm necessarily upset to leave, but because I've inflicted so much shit on myself. Myself. I did it all. Sure, people can be douche bags, but who else makes the decisions? Me.
I know I have to go. I'm not angry at anyone here in Florida. I love too many people to be angry at anyone. If I hurt you, I'm sorry...so sorry. This isn't me running--this is me getting better. I can't do it here and I know that. It's not Florida or Tampa, because I know a change of location won't kill the bullshit inside. I just know that I have to kill it somewhere else. I'll be back though. Count on it. I just have to go away to learn to forgive myself.
Please find it in your hearts to accept my apology. This is my step toward healing instead of hurting--myself and others. Thank you to everyone who has been my friend and there for me. Life would have sucked majorly without you.
Sorry this is so emo, shit happens. Know it's how I feel though.
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| I'm still right here |
[04 May 2006|01:51pm] |
Yesterday was my last day of work and Pete let me go early since he couldn't find anything else for me to do. I was sad to go because Pete has done so much for me at USF. Brian took me to lunch today as a goodbye and he gave me the book Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon. He said his brother did his thesis on it and he also gave a copy to another one of his friends that moved out west so he thought it appropriate to pass on to me. From what he described, it's trippy as hell. That was really nice of him and I'm gonna miss talking to him about music and books and geek stuff. USF Alumni Center and its staff is definitely one perk about Tampa. I said goodbye to Kelly today as well who informed me that before she found out I was leaving, she convinced her boss to hire me to work with her in the office Brian works in which would have been SWEET since Brian and Kelly are fucking awesome. Oh well. She is amazing and I'll never forget how much her and Pete have done for me here.
I started to clean my room last night and kinda broke down. I know I haven't been talking about leaving to many of you because it's hard for me. I know it's my decision, and it's a good decision, but it's still hard to fathom moving half-way across the country. Just know that I'm not trying to be a turd, I'm just dealing with stuff.
After Saturday I'll be officially out of the dorms and Tampa. It's pretty hard to think about, but I assure you I'm trying as hard as I can to get a grip of it, lol. I'll be in St. Pete from May 7-20, but I may be driving back to Tampa sometime during then to clean out my storage closet so I'll stop by and visit some people if that sounds good.
I requested a final transcript and I have to go to undergrad advising today at 3:30 to see about getting an AA certificate. I guess I'll start to pack for now.
Well, I'm out for now.
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| I just have to say-- I love my Dad! |
[02 May 2006|03:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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waiting to hear new TOOL |
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----- Original Message -----
From: Susan Bistrican
To: Dad
Subject: Anal aperture
I emailed Jim (the transfer guy) and told him I could send the app fee and you'd cover some as well. Lemme know.
I'll call you later. I'm at work and tomorrow's my last day.
Love you,
Susan
=======================================
Bis~Ventures Insurance & Investments/AFLAC
to me
Re: "GAPING" Anal aperture
Hey Suzzzzzz,
I couldn't pay until about Monday or Tuesday next week. I ASSSume that this would be OK?!?!
You need to begin getting your S**t organized, sold, given away, packed up etc.
We will be in Florida IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS...CAN YOU FLIPPIN' BELIEVE IT?!?!
Well, I gotta go, I'm "Prairie Doggin' it"!!
Love,
Dad
There's a bit of insight to my madness :)
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| In regard to what happened |
[27 Apr 2006|02:32pm] |
I'm not posting this here to create drama, I just think it is important to bring up. In regard to what happened to Dylan who graduated from PCCA: St. Pete Times ran a news story on him and from what I hear from what Tracy gathered from her friends, no one was too fond of the idea. It's pretty shitty, in fact. So when I saw it made FRONT PAGE NEWS on the website, I sent a letter to the author of the article. Sorry if anyone might be offended, but it just pissed me off. I referenced the other people from St. Pete who also recently commited suicide and that is not to bring attention to it nor abate their memory in any way (beause I know some of you on my friends list were friends with these people). It was to compare how absurd it is to report on one suicide just because fucking MYSPACE was involved. I think it's sick and wrong. So for those of you who knew Dylan or the other people in St. Petersburg who did the same thing within the last two years, my deepest sympathy goes out to you. Again, I mentioned it to point out how idiotic the news article is.
My email to Abhi Raghunathan:
I'm glad you saw it fit to bastardize someone's memory for a story. I didn't know Dylan, but my roommate was friends with him. When we found out your info-hungry paper was calling the family and digging for a story, we were sick to our stomachs. Why didn't your paper run stories on the other three kids in St. Petersburg who committed suicide last year? They all went to/graduated/dropped out of Dixie Hollins High. Maybe THAT is a good story, huh? A good parallel? Nice job. I attended a journalism program in high school and immediately upon completion, I decided that profession was ignoble and fueled by avarice. You copy and paste in order to generate a story to your liking. You exploit people in order to get more readers and better ratings. You need to re-evaluate your "cause". You aren't helping anyone by running this story. Myspace is a technological norm now days. Would you have run a story on someone like Dylan because he owns a cell phone? Almost EVERYONE owns a cell phone so that wouldn't be too interesting of a story. Well Myspace has become increasingly popular--Myspace is the new cell phone. It's not news-worthy. Check yourself. You've created more harm than good with this story. Why don't you spend more time researching things that matter rather than someone's death?
In case anyone else is interested in contacting this asshole, Abhi Raghunathan can be reached at araghunathan@sptimes.com or 727 893-8472.
I'm sorry people are such assholes. Be well, everyone.
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| The Pseudo-Pumpkins |
[26 Apr 2006|09:09pm] |
I don't know how I feel about the new album. It can only be either amazing or totally shitty. No in between. Is James going to leave A Perfect Circle and accept Billy's offer to write new Pumpkins music? Melissa Auf Der Maur is cool by me, but without D'arcy, it's lame. Auf Der Maur didn't lay down bass for Machina--she only went on tour. At least the in-lay doesn't credit her for the bass tracks, it credits D'arcy. But D'arcy is an alleged crackhead...wtf. We already know Jimmy will drum (which is ever-awesome because he is ever-awesome and I was a day late seeing BC in LA because Jimmy was there the night before drumming for TheFutureEmbrace...son of a bitch!) But that's a given seeing how Billy and Jimmy are butt buddies.
I don't know. It's kind of weird. Hopefully the album is a sleeper in a good way to where the music is awesome, but nothing is played on MTV. Not because I reject the mainstream (we all know I don't), but MTV is...you guessed it...BALLS.
Anyway...what does everyone else think? I mean, if you care. And if you don't, blasphemy!
The old site is back up with official news of the album: http://www.smashingpumpkins.com
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| Tuesday |
[26 Apr 2006|07:56pm] |
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| Go Beavers. |
[25 Apr 2006|03:10pm] |
Oh yeah and...
Go Beavers.... haha fucking BEAVERS.
I think this is BVU because it's beavers and they are wearing yellow and blue:
Nonetheless...
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| And the beat goes on |
[25 Apr 2006|02:49pm] |
Today I finished my American lit class! WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And I was one of the only people with an A on the last paper. Ok...it's an A- but still. It least it's not a B+. Damn B+'s are such balls! When I receive a B+ I have to question my inadequacy as a human being. Give me a fucking C or an A-. Don't make my soul sting with a B+.
Anyway, I have a stupid comp portfolio due tomorrow, one more poetry paper due on Thursday, and an exam in cinema on Friday. I only have one final and that is in grammar but it's not cumulative and we can drop it if need be. So after this week, it's basically smooth sailing. I was considering taking off work next week, but I figure what the hell, might as well make some money and chill with my boss before I leave. I also might go hang with Brian so work next week is definiately fo sho.
I signed me and Tray up for the last possible check out time on Saturday which is approximately 5:00pm May 6th. Then it's bye-bye USF for both of us. It's kind of hard to appreciate and take in the BEAUTY of USF whilst grinding out work for classes. I always thought having nothing to do on the last week of classes before finals was a good idea. Andrew says NC State has that and it's called dead week. I want a dead week! But I guess it makes us stronger not to.
Anyway, holla at yo girl. Peace.
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plathposer's journal