| The Vow of Silence... |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|02:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable but complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Love...The Beatles | ] |
Has lasted three days.
It's torture.
I've called in sick for work before, but it's merely to remedy a bad day with the kids. I usually spend my well deserved 'off' day doing things i'm too lazy to do after school.
I've been stuck in bed & can't do anything because i have the flu.
Although, Bo's entire family thinks i have the black plague & therefore i am not allowed to leave the room. In fact, if i want to leave the house for any reason i must use the back door.
It's understandable...Bo's grandma's cancer has come back so while she is doing her chemo, she is extremely vulnerable.
I can't talk.
Literally.
Which can explain the journal.
My voice is gone & it's starting to take it's toll on me. It sounds stupid, but i really want to talk to someone. I'm tired of signing the things i need. Now, one would think that the sign language classes i've been taking would come in handy, but not if the people around you don't understand what you're doing with your hands.
I've also really wanted to continue with my journal. I just keep coming up with excuses to not get on. I don't find myself on the computer as often as i used to before the demanding job. Now the things i used to do don't seem so important...but they are.
They're so important because they keep me sane.
I make it a point to never bring my work related problems home with me, but sometimes i can't help it. So many teachers have conformed to teaching the same thing every semester, every year.
I don't want to be one of those teachers.
I'm an art teacher.
If i just stop caring, like the other art teacher i work with, then i've failed. And although i still get a paycheck, there's going to be some new graduate with bigger & better ideas ready to take my job. Besides, i don't know if i want to be a teacher forever, but i know that right now it's a lot of fun & very interesting.
It's interesting to see that people never change. The people i work with...even though i don't know each one personally or even at all, i can still see groups & jealousy & even hatred within our yellow & red walls. I have always stayed neutral...even in high school. I figure if i just smile & say "good morning" "How are you" or even "have a good weekend" I genuinely mean it & i think people pick up on that. I've noticed that the older teachers are very rude, but every morning i still say 'good morning' & instead of the usually ugly face (or even no acknowledgment at all) they're starting to smile back.
Tacky...i know. But true.
Those fucking kids can really crawl on your skin, but i was just blessed with patience. It's my cross to bear. Besides it's kind of hard to hate these middle school kids when they remind you of how hard middle school really was. At least for me it was. I guess with my young age i can still relate.
Okay...so now i feel better.
I don't feel so voiceless anymore. |
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| I under-estimated him.... |
[Nov. 11th, 2006|08:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
It's been a long week.
Working two jobs all day is tough, but it's working out.
Took last night off & had a few beers in one of the most crowded places in laredo.
Good time.
New Castle is oh so tasty.
Jager is contagious.
After we were all nice & drunk, Luis (a teacher i work with, fellow burn buddy) introduced me to a guy who has a small gallery here in laredo.
The show up was pretty good.
Smoke & drank more beers.
The company was fun.
Talk about putting some of my own work up....we'll see.
Some of the kids in school are little bastards.
The majority make up for them.
Trying to not to curse anymore....too many words are almost slipping.
Cold brew tonight to watch my brother play.
Anyone want to tag along?
You should. |
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| I've heard it all before.... |
[Oct. 11th, 2006|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | I want to call & tell him off | ] |
I wanted to start out this entry with 'I can't stand boys'.
But i decided not to.
I'm starting to think that maybe it's not them........it's me.
I'm not looking for a boyfriend.
Not at all.
I'm actually pretty happy being single.
But it sucks being lied to by a potential significant other.
Mike is the new disease on my right toe...but i'll be curing that disease pretty quickly.
Nothing to dwell on.
Party for Ashley tomorrow.
Should be interesting.
What's going down on halloween?
I've decided to stay in laredo the day off & go to Austin the weekend before.
Holla. |
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| Another lame entry.... |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|02:05 pm] |
I just got over my hangover.
Last night, after work, Ab, ALbert & i went to Exos for drinks & lap dances. Well, i went for drinks. It was fun. I got pretty drunk with the two drinks & shot of jager i had. Good times.....Albert & i had a good talk after everyone either left or passed out. I can only hope things go well for him on Tuesday so he can stay in laredo.
I was laying down right now....feeling pretty shitty (damn hangover)....& i started thinking about Nena. I started thinking about the time when she was so determined to make Mark hers. I remember her saying, "i'm going to marry him." After all the things she would tell me about him...well it really didn't seem like he was interested, but she continued with the light stalking & phone calls.
I started thinking about Julio. Some people think i'm pretty retarded because i still want to persue something with him. I can't help but feel really different about him. Yes, i'm always talking about this guy or that guy, but julio's different. It's been 3 weeks since we talked. September 4th was the last time we spoke or even saw each other.
So while i was laying around feeling shitty, i sat up instantly, thought to myself 'fuck it' & called him. No answer. But at least he'll have a missed call from me & know that it doesn't take much to make a fucken phone call. Maybe.
Nen....i think i need you to send over some motivating vibes.
Wow, that was pretty boring.....but i needed to get that out.
I miss my dog. |
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| You gotta have it |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|05:02 pm] |
you gots gots to have it
What!
Off to Tennessee.
Have an absolutely awesome 3.11 day.
Whatever your poison may be, consume it, stay safe & especially positive.
Peace out... |
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[Feb. 15th, 2006|08:00 pm] |
I'm pathetic.
Really....it's true.
I'm going to fuck this one up real good.
In fact...i think i already have.
FUCK. |
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| Candy apples & razor blades... |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|11:36 pm] |
Halloween was awesome.
I know it's a little late to be posting this, but i just got this picture today. I dont remember taking it, but according to Mike, it was right after we left the bar at 2am.
Good times.
At least i dont look that drunk. |
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| It's an absolutely beautiful day.... |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|11:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Hungover | ] |
| [ | music |
| | O.A.R. | ] |
I was pretty drunk last night
&
I had a good cry.
Over nothing, but it was well deserved.
I've been working so hard and completely overwhelmed that I really needed to just cry.
On Tuesday, my red headed stalkee actually came up to me and started a conversation.
He saw one of my prints and said, "damn, you're really good."
That felt awesome.
HIM: Are you going to the art guild after party?
ME: Yeah, i'm pretty sure i'll be there
HIM: Cause it would be really cool if you would go.
That's got to mean something.
Anywho, i'm hungover and need to go to school.
bleh. |
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| wonderful day....... |
[Aug. 21st, 2005|11:35 pm] |
listening to o.a.r. makes me happy.
budweiser makes me happy.
my friends make me happy.
Dustin is amazing. |
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| This is why i'm in love with a stranger..... |
[Aug. 21st, 2005|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Awesome! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | O.A.R. | ] |
So i'm hoping for a cable connection soon......as soon as i get my financial aid check i'll call the cable company.
I'm at David Strain's apt with charlie and friends and we're just drinking and having a great time.
Dustin [my dustin] calls charlie for a bud hook up and then he calls me.
I had been meaning to call him since i've been back, but i've been too nervous to do so.
So he comes over to pick up some bud from charlie and we hug and start talking.
Turns out he got rejected from the peace corps because of his condition........yes, i just found out he had a condition too....
Anyways, turns out he's bi-polar [but i still think he's amazing] and so he got rejected. But this means that he's sticking around san antonio now........
After he came back and dropped off charlie, he called my cell phone and asked i was able to come outside. I immediately stopped everything i was doing and went out the door. We hugged and he told me how much he missed me. I appologized for not calling him as soon as i moved back, but i confessed that i was too nervous to call and he said he felt the same way. So we kissed and then he said, "well i called you to come out cause i wanted to ask you to the movies.....do you want to go to the movies with me?"
Well, of course i said yes, and he said he'd call me on friday. I couldn't leave the car cause every time i stopped kissing him, he would look so cute and i would kiss him again.......or he would pull me back and kiss me. Finally i said, "okay, stop that!" and i left the car.
You dont understand the great mood that i'm in right now. I can only hope he calls me. Does he want a relationship now? Or what?? Who cares...i'm just glad he's glad i'm back in town. [cause he told me]
any ways this is a drunken post so.........cheers! |
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| You're finally 21! |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|07:10 pm] |
Happy Birthday Nena!
Now we can go gamble.
Keep on truck'n.
♥ |
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| Yes, i'm talking about you. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|04:31 pm] |
Okay.........so a stream of bad things happened to me starting on Wednesday.
But i'm alive and all is well.
There's nothing better than staying positive.......because sometimes it's all you're left with.
Friday started a good day.......and ended in tears.
Worked 13 hours straight on friday to make enough money to replace the stereo that was raped from my blazer on Wednesday.
After work you would think i would go straight home to sleep, but instead i made my way to Keryl's in search of a cold beer.
Found it.
Opposites attract.....but they shouldn't get together.
Considering the GIGANTIC mistake i made a few years back with the ex-piece of shit boyfriend, you would think i had learned something............no?
Obviously not.
You're rude.
Negative.
Insensitive.
& you dont respect me.
I'm just some bitch to you.
Do you understand why this would have never worked out?
I know it's all a front, but you should consider letting your guard down for one minute.....I'd like to see who you really are.
But that's never going to happen because you called me a bitch and now you wont speak to me.
Funny huh?
You called ME a bitch, and then YOU ran away.
You're a real man.
This really bothered me friday night.........it bothered me enough to shed a few lame tears, but then someone said three words to me that made me feel so special.
Thanks Jess.
You dont understand how much that meant to me.
It still does.
Last night i got really drunk.........i told Frank that i was falling in love with Dustin.
Scary.
I'm going to be in San Antonio on Thursday and i dont know if i should call him.
I really love the way we left things from last weekend, dont want to ruin that.
But i also can't stop thinking about him.
i know......i'm lame.
I say we fear no evolution
stand up, music revolution
follow me now
and i say we can never stop
and we never will
cause this is how
we breathe and live
sorry. anticipating September. 311 in Mutha fucken Texas. Word.
fin. |
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[Jun. 1st, 2005|04:55 pm] |
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[Mar. 27th, 2005|11:00 am] |
Happy Easter. |
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| March 11, 2005 |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|10:43 am] |
HAPPY 311 DAY!
Stay Positive, Love your life. |
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| My water broke. |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|11:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | proud.....yet annoyed | ] |
Okay, i have two things to say right now.
ONE: I am officially an aunt. My nephew was born February 16, 2005 @ 1:18pm and is awesome.
TWO: I think people who get tattoos exactly like famous artists (ex. Maynard from Tool) are fucking lame. Why dont you be original huh? Yeah, i guess it's none of my fucking business what you put on your body, but you're still a fag. How about that?
So yeah, i'm going to be an awesome aunt. |
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[Jan. 24th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
this pop tart has to be just about the best pop tart i have ever eaten in my life.
There.
I said it. |
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| Here's to hoping. |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|08:26 pm] |
 |
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| Just buy it. |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|08:52 pm] |
Oh and FYI:
 |
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