break it out

so i have not written an entry since like the last week of school.
and since then wow. a lot.

my summer consisted of :
-2 car accidents. one serious one not.
-vacation to nyc and penn.
-ucf weekend where we got down and dirrty and crunk.
-fsu orientation.
-working a whole shit load.
-hanging out with my boys a lot.
-chillin with shar and juli.
-meeting new people.
and yeahh a lot more..

but now its one week be4 i move up to fsu.
and yeahh im starting to get a little bit sad.

i have these 3 boys.
who are my life.
jose,anthony, and LB.
and they are gonna be seniors. so im leaving them behind.
hurts more than anything.
these boys were my friends when no one else was. and weve stuck together for 3 years.
they are my rocks. my brothers. my life basically.
i cry sometimes wondering how im supposed to function without knowing i can just call jose and be like come pick me up i wanna come over.
or anthony and jose calling me saying open the front door im here.
or having LB scare the shit out of me when he randomly shows up at my job at closing and saying alex get in the car were hanging out
or having all three of them make fun of me like crazy and then say ALEX WE LOVE YOU.
or climbing into jose's sweaters getting under the covers and just knowing this is where i want to be.
or singing loudly with my feet up in anthony's car to the best rock mixes ever.

i dont know how im going to be leave them.

and my dumb lil brother.
leaving him is the hardest.
hes my ultimate best friend.
my world.
hes me but just a boy.
entering 9th grade now.
and i wont be here for him as much.
he turns to me for everything.
and i hafta be on the phone .
this is just making me depressed.

but yeah.
im done.

I was always the shy girl in the back, the one who never asked any questions, the one who let life pass her by, the one who never took any chances because I was afraid of the outcome. I always took life for granted thinking it would always be there. “I’m still young, I got time.” The expression, “Life’s to short, so carpe diem” never registered in my brain until February 28, 2005 came along.
It was calm morning on Monday February 28, 2005; FCAT testing meant I could sleep in and catch a few extra hours of sleep. My mom called me to inform me about a car accident that happened the day before. She was reading an article right out of the Sun-Sentinel. When she mentioned the names two of the three caught my eye immediately. I told my mom to pray for them and that we needed to visit them in the hospital. I was sad but I figured that they would be ok. I got to school and our principal, Mr. Peter Bayer, came on the P.A. and told us that Miguel Ramos, one of the people I knew, had passed away that morning. Right there, my whole perspective on life had changed. I had a complete 180 degree turn. I would never look at life the same way again.
A couple of weeks later, the other passenger I knew Angela “Nikki” Verussio passed away also. There was not a day that went by that my eyes weren’t flooded with tears. I knew both of them and it hurt me to realize that I didn’t take advantage of knowing them and becoming closer to them as friends. It made me come to the conclusion that I just passed up meeting two amazing people that could have changed my life. Little did I know they had already made my life different.

Happy b-day my angel , Lauren!!! Happy 16th and many more to come!

RIP
Jordan Carver
April 29, 2005

I only knew you through friends . Never rlly got a chance to talk to you . Small talk is all i have exchanged with you . But you knew my friends.. you knew stephanie . And she knew you. So it affects me .

Watch over all of your friends.. you will be greatly missed by people all over ...

<333
Alex

I <333 my angel, Lauren

just when you thought all of your sadness has subsided you again experience a death of a fellow passenger in the car with miggz. nikki passed on to a better world this afternoon. another one I knew . why did god have to take them from our grasp? all i can think is that they have a more important job up in heaven.

I <3333 you Nikki. You were always laughing and smiling . Your beautiful and a you have the best personality ever. I know your in a better place where you can fill the world with smiles by watching over all of us . i will miss you !


Rest in peace Nikki!



Sara Im praying and thinking about you all the time . I dont know you but i hope you come out of this state and live with all the people that are so close to you. May you and Nikki and Miguel stay best friends forever ... but its not your turn to leave this earth . i kno it !




God please protect Sara and watch over Miggz and Nikki .. and please bless everyone that loves any of these three beautiful souls. Anyone that was affected please comfort .





<333

RIP Miguel "Miggz" Ramos
RIP Angela "Nikki" Verrusio

Your are loved by many and we all will miss you. I wish I would have had a longer time to get to know you. Your time on this earth was to short. I will miss you Miggz. And I know other people miss you so so much. You will always be in our hearts!