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Saturday, May 10th, 2008
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8:50 am
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I've been using Swaptree, a book/cd/dvd trading site.
Also! Update about my Mother's Day show: Not only will you get my special Mother's Day themed set, which I probably won't be reusing any time soon; you'll also see Saddle Dodgers, two excellent comics who taste funny together, and ImproTop, here all the way from Mexico City, Mexico--you're not going to see them just any old night. That's 7:00 p.m. Mother's Day, ImprovBoston, 40 Prospect Street, Cambridge.
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| Thursday, May 8th, 2008
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8:53 pm
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My Mother's Day standup set:
7:00 p.m. Sunday
ImprovBoston
40 Prospect St, Cambridge
Bring your mom!
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2008
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10:46 am
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For those asking about the continuing adventures of Conehead and Bonehead: Bonehead is once again known as Minute, because she has resumed normal behavior toward Conehead. Conehead still has his cone, though. Tomorrow I get to take it off and see whether he goes after the spot, which is covered in good-as-new skin, but which, if the root cause was allergy or something systemic, and not a simple scratch or bug bite or something, could still be a problem.
Cross your fingers for me--it's high time this cat got back to licking his own ass. It's embarrassing to cough up hairballs in the middle of meetings.
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| Sunday, April 27th, 2008
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9:44 pm
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Augh, I hate this Elizabethan collar as much as poor Conehead does. He keeps trying to clean himself anyhow and it's so pathetic. If I wipe him down with a washcloth or something, it doesn't make him feel better--he tries all the harder to lick off that nasty water--but all he does is lick the inside of the cone. Also, he keeps bumping the cone on things and then thinking he can't move.
Bonehead, meanwhile, continues to insist that Conehead is some kind of alien that she needs to scare away. Yesterday she wouldn't eat all day because she wouldn't go near Conehead. This morning she woke us up with a blood curdling scream, which turned out to mean MOM! HE'S LOOKIN' AT ME!!! I tried feeding her in a separate room thinking maybe if she ate she'd be less bitchy, which always works on me, but did nothing for Bonehead. When I call the vet tomorrow I have to see if they have any suggestions. It doesn't really make sense. She doesn't freak about people wearing hats or changing clothes. Maybe the cream smells like an alien to her.
And now I will be configuring my workdays around running home to put cream on Conehead. Because stressful enough isn't ever stressful enough. I'm not really sure the cream stays on long enough to help, though. Even though he can't lick himself, he spreads it all over himself--and his cone--by trying.
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| Saturday, April 26th, 2008
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2:59 pm
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You know all those annoying things people say about how cats are so smart, and they're actually ruling the world and we're too stupid to notice?
I just brought Two Star the cat home wearing an Elizabethan collar. Minute the cat does not recognize him with his new accessory, and she's growling and hissing and making threats. I love them with all my heart, but this does not help the case for superhuman brilliance.
For the next few days, I shall be referring to Two Star and Minute as Conehead and Bonehead.
In other news, here's why the Elizabethan collar: Conehead has a big lesion on his flank. I noticed it this morning, but with all the hair he has, it could have been there for a couple of days before I saw him from the angle that makes it visible (which makes me feel terrible--I almost certainly combed it and patted it). The vet said it could be anything from allergies to a spider bite to skin cancer. They did a bunch of tests.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
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9:23 pm
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I think I need to learn yoga. Or almost any sort of discipline that will make my brain stop trying to process 12 things at once because OMG WE'RE SHORT-HANDED AND I HAVE EXTRA PROJECTS AND I HAVE TO DO FIVE THINGS THAT ALL TAKE A WHOLE DAY BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY HEP HEP WHAT SHOULD I DO FIRST OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHO SCHEDULED A MEETING SLAP SLAP HEP HEP WHAT WAS I DOING etc. It sounds like a beehive inside my head.
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| Monday, April 21st, 2008
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10:15 pm
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On Saturday I went to the Apple store to ask about Apple monitors--I mean cinematic displays--because I was wondering about getting one to hook up to my MacBook. The guy advised me very authoritatively that I should get the 20 inch or 23 inch because the MacBook would be slowed way down by the larger displays. But blah blah his friend has the 23 inch for his MacBook and watches TV on it because it's so awesome, etc. etc.
Cool, so I go do my other shopping and think about it and go back to the Apple store. This time the sales droid I get is all "Oh no, our technicians totally advise against using any of our displays with a MacBook." Sigh. Then after she walks away, third droid, who was listening, whispers to me that he doesn't necessarily agree with that, because he's "seen it work for some people."
Okay, Apple, two things: Have your droids get their stories straight; and, two, could you maybe plug one in or something and find out for sure if it works?
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9:31 pm
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In the last couple of days, I've planted zucchini, cucumbers, sweet peas (those are flowers, not food), zinnias, moonflowers, and 4 o'clocks. All seeds. I'm not really banking on the moonflowers--they're such a crapshoot--but when you can get them to grow, they're awesome.
Funny how digging in the dirt kind of shifts your brain into summer mode.
I think this neighborhood was built on a former dump or something. Every time I dig in the gardens, I find all sorts of crap. Glass, metal, pieces of lightbulbs, bits of china, marbles. Plus we have to pick up glass out of the lawn all the time. Very weird.
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2008
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1:28 am
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Trying to chill out after a performance. It always takes me awhile to be ready to sleep, even if it's hours past my usual bedtime. This will sound bizarre, but I swear that when I do standup, I can feel something like, I dunno, something like energy or something coming up through the floor and fueling my performance and I have to, like, consciously control it because there's so much of it. It is very very weird and creepy and exhilarating. And yes, you've had dates like that.
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This afternoon I went clothes shopping because I have no appropriate work clothes for this time of year, given that current job's dress code is, while not formal, still significantly stricter than the dress code at my last job, which could be summed up as, "Don't be naked." Some guy was shopping with his wife in one of the stores, and she was trying on a jacket. "I don't think this size is right," she said.
"You need a bigger one," he said.
"No, I don't need a bigger one. This is too big."
"No, I think that would look better if it were bigger."
"This is a medium. I usually wear a small."
"I think you need a bigger size."
"No, this is too big."
"It's not big enough. You need a bigger one."
I couldn't believe how long that exchange continued. Even after a sales attendant got in on it, asking if she wanted a different size, the guy was still going, "Yes, have her try on a bigger size." It was clearly not a joke to either one of them--he was sure she needed a bigger jacket, and she was sure she was small.
I thought about offering him a shovel, but he seemed determined to dig a hole with his mouth. Granted, if his wife was a size small, then I guess I need to shop at Baby Gap for my jackets, which is only informative if you've seen me and know that I'm decidedly medium, but honestly, didn't he get a copy of the Guy Handbook?
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 11th, 2008
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9:51 pm
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8:05 pm - This and that
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Marty's Liquor in Newton has a seriously good selection. I finally have a source for Blanton's!
Leatherheads is good eye candy wrapped in good brain candy. There's a hilarious fistfight. Also, I'm in love with Renee Zellweger. I would be in love with John Krasinski, but if you're going to be impractical, you might as well go all the way. I'm not in love with George Clooney, but I do like it when he plays Dapper and Suave.
I did a really fun show Wednesday night that I might be able to get video of, if it turned out. If you're local I'm not showing it to you, though, because you should come see me live. Your next chance to do so is tomorrow night--that's Saturday, April 12--at 11:30 p.m., ImprovBoston, 40 Prospect St., Cambridge.
Anyone want to go to Boston Antiques Weekend on Sunday? Includes old books and vintage textiles. Starts at 10:00 a.m. Ping me somehow or other if you're interested. I might go, especially if someone else wants to go.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2008
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2:10 pm - Life imitates YouTube
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I was hammering in a nail in order to hang something on the kitchen wall. The vibrations caused the kitchen clock to fall and hit me in the face. As soon as Mike and I determined that my nose was not broken, my glasses were not shattered, etc., we began to laugh harder and harder. Every time we started to recover, one of us would gasp out something ridiculous, like, "It clocked me!" or "Talk about a face-to-face meeting!"
Awhile later, I noticed that I no longer need to make time to go have my glasses adjusted--the clock apparently realigned them just right. I still prefer stopping by the optician, though. It's a lot farther than the kitchen, but she never leaves bruises.
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| Monday, March 24th, 2008
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9:15 am
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My most recent standup workshop just finished, and members of the class, including me, will be doing a show this Wednesday, March 26, at 9:30 p.m. at the shiny new ImprovBoston theater at 40 Prospect Street, Cambridge (it's so close to the Central Square T-stop that you barely have to go outside). Tickets are $7.00.
ImprovBoston's standup program is really new and we need to fill the seats so they can see that it's worth it to keep holding shows at the ends of workshops. So I hope you can come and support us. Remember, every minute I spend pursuing standup comedy is another minute I'm not banging on your door asking if I can play your Guitar Hero game. Also, we're funny, and you'll have a good time. And if you could be bribed into coming by the promise of a beer at the shiny new bar in the shiny new lobby of the shiny new theater, that could be arranged.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2008
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10:24 pm
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For some time I've been looking for a way to display a very old doll that belonged to my mother, because why have a thing like that if it's going to sit around in a box on a top shelf. A few weeks ago I saw an old display case, made around 1900, in an antique store a few minutes from my house. It looked like just the thing, but I didn't buy it right then because it was probably not going anywhere and it was pretty big and kind of spendy, so I wanted to make sure I really wanted it and knew where I'd put it and all.
So I got to where I was thinking I'd go buy it the next chance I got to get over to that store. But Saturday morning, which was my birthday, I got up and went downstairs, and there was my display case on the dining room table with a big orange bow on top.
Here it is with the doll, and also my most coolest piece of Victorian majolica--both on display and safe from cats!
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10:00 pm - Eeeeeeeee!!
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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9:23 pm
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Each day on my way to work, as I round a particular curve on a particular road, I ask myself the same question, which I now put to you:
Why the heck did that landscaping business name itself "Grapes of Wrath"?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 15th, 2008
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3:04 pm - Sunday Comedy
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Come to Sgt. Culpepper's Comedy Jamboree tomorrow--Sunday, 3/16--at 7:00 p.m.
ImprovBoston Theater, 40 Prospect St., Central Square, Cambridge
Tickets $10 / $7 for students and seniors
617-576-1253 for info and reservations
I'm going to be doing a short set between two longer acts. What are those longer acts? I have no idea--but I know they'll be comedy!
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 8th, 2008
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4:45 pm
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This afternoon in the grocery store:
Old guy comes tearing around a corner and runs his cart into a young woman who's carrying two plants, and stares at her as though it's somehow her fault. I think, "Way to be a jackass, old guy!"
But then the chick just continues to stand there staring at him with some sort of unspecified challenge on her face. I think, "Way to overreact, bitch!"
Then the old guy indicates the plants in her hand and goes, "What, are you going to smoke those?" I think, "Yay, you're a dick, AND you're not funny!"
Then the chick starts walking away very slowly while saying loudly, "YEAH, I'M GONNA SMOKE 'EM--YOU WANNA JOIN ME?" and continues in that vein while looking around to make sure everyone is noticing.
And I think, "Jeez, there's nobody to like in this sketch!"
Hey, if you find yourself hanging around Central Square in Cambridge enjoying the rain later tonight (Saturday), come by ImprovBoston at its new location--40 Prospect, a couple doors from Starbucks and so close to the T stop you won't even know you were outside--for the Nightcap at 11:30, where I'll be opening for Chris Coxen, who does a one man show with a lot of funny characters. (No, he's not that guy you didn't like that other time.)
You're going to lose sleep tonight anyhow (because you have to spring forward--don't forget!), so why not just give up and stay up really really late with me?
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| Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
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8:56 am
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Just a little hint for local friends with free time on Friday evening. Be early--being the "newcomer" means I'll be early in the lineup, maybe even first. It also means that after I'm done, I can hang out with my friends and enjoy the rest of the show!
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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10:38 pm
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I need to get a digital video camera. I need to record some stand-up sets. This means it'll need to pick up my voice from 10 or 20 feet away, and it'll have to put up with audience noise (hopefully laughter). I want a decent picture, of course, but it doesn't have to be, you know, cinematic. I need the video so I can see what quirky stage tics I have to eliminate, and also so I can cut out some clips to post to youtube or whatever for promotion purposes. I'd really rather not pay $1000 for a camera, but I'm also not expecting to get away with only spending $200 or something.
The only way I could be more clueless about digital camcorders is if I didn't know they existed. So does anyone have any recommended reading for me, either specific articles or just topics I should be looking up?
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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