| An untried strategy |
[Feb. 14th, 2008|11:43 am] |
The best strategy I can think of for a neighbour to combat local
barking is to build one's own "dog".
It doesn't matter what your dog looks like as long as it:
1. Picks up the local din and replays it directly to the offender,
ideally from a place where he can't attack it.
2. Inserts a short time delay before doing so. This time delay is to
prevent the acoustic feedback which would otherwise put the whole
system into intolerable screech mode. (Hmmm, that's not such a bad
idea when you think about it!)
3. Replays the din at a volume nearly equal to that of the offender's
dog.
4. Is powered up 24 hours.
My reasoning is simple:
(a) The offender can't logically complain about a noise he has
already condoned.
(b) The authorities can't complain to you about a din that doesn't
occur when the offender's din does not occur. If authority wants to
ticket you then it must logically ticket him, too.
(c) If the authorities complain that your din is electrically
generated and therefore controllable, you can merely point out that
noise is Noise howsoever generated and that there are comparable laws
against biologically generated noise as well.
The whole setup is automatic. Noise for Noise and peace for peace.
The offender himself determines what happens. He'd have to be super-
thick not to work out what's going on.
The dog will probably be infuriated at the din generated by your own
"dog". It will probably go berserk with rage. Its owner will also be
infuriated that his dog should be tormented this way.
Due to the dog's head bone structure it might not detect that it's
hearing itself. It might think it's hearing another dog and bark
crazily at this defiant territorial intrusion.
That's at first. I reckon the dog's intelligence, far superior to
that of its bonehead owner, will soon wise up that if it keeps quiet
then it receives quiet.
You can tell any investigating authority that you felt so sorry for
the dog barking distressfully that you devised this scheme to train
it, and that you are actually being kind to the dog in doing so.
Implementation of this strategy may require the services of an
electronics technician. He will need to design or buy a digital time-
delay signal processor.
You will require a whopping great loudspeaker (eg 12") with a
powerful audio amplifier to run it.
The loudspeaker could be bought separately and mounted in the centre
of a piece of thick wood, say 3/4 inch, to form what is called a
baffle board. The idea behind a baffle board is to make the sound
path between the speaker cone's vibrating front face to that at the
back as long as practicable. A piece of wood say 6 x 6 feet would be
fine. If this is considered too large then any really powerful
speaker cabinet from a hi-fi system should also do. What you need is
the power to run it.
I figure the authorities won't know what the hell to do.
Ideally they will do nothing and the owner will get the message that
he's well in the wrong. It's a case of shaming the fool by what the
psychologists call "mirroring" that is, by holding a form of mirror
to the offender's own behaviour so that he can see for himself what a
dickhead prat he really is.
I have found that imitating a child's tantrum soon brings the kiddy
to a similar realisation.
Best wishes,
Peter Bright
Quiet Tasmania
Australia
www.quietas.net |
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| No Dogs Anywhere - an E-Petition .. |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|03:30 pm] |
The only sure way to peace and quiet and safety is for dogs to be virtually banned from all built-up areas such as towns and suburbs.
This Petition offers you the opportunity to agree:
http://gopetition.com/online/13210.html |
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