our eastwood unit was handed over to us in november last year, and since then i have been dreaming of how to prop it up and make it a heavenly, peaceful and comfortable place to crash in. i have been collecting decorating magazines and catalogues from different furniture shops and i think i have changed my mind a thousand times on which theme i'd ultimately like and live with.

collecting magazines will be very expensive over the years, so i am glad there's eroom service, an online furniture shop where you can view and dream of that home again and again to your eyes delight! i was first set on having contemporary furniture in a tropical, balinese setting but i changed my mind to modern furniture when i saw a beautiful bubble chair made entirely of clear plastic and red leather cushions! then i saw a lamp covered with sexy black lace with crystals for a stand and my heart immediately switched over to italian furniture. you can be as fickle-minded as you like, there's no limit to your imagination. the trouble is when the time comes when you finally have to decide. but that's a trouble i'd like to experience.

whether you are still in the planning and dreaming stage, or you are already set with the designer furniture that you want to purchase, e-room service is a great place to enjoy being indecisive and dreamy.

morrison will turn two this coming september, and naturally he is getting more and more active and curious. we discovered recently that he's already tall enough to reach and the door knobs and he now knows how to unlock the sliding doors that lead to the terrace. fortunately, we live on the ground floor so we are not very worried about window falls.

but - the problem is, his best playmate lives on the 7th floor. on weekdays when it's raining or when the sun is still harsh, yaya and morrison spend their playtime in the upstairs unit. the thing is, the unit at 7th is not baby-proofed, the windows are ungrilled. it's my constant source of worry. i already told yaya to just invite morrison's friends over at our place. i hope she's diligently following my request. there have been so many cases of children falling from windows here in singapore, most recently was a 1.5 year-old baby who fell to his death from the 8th floor while the mom was downstairs fetching her older son from the lobby.

yes, we can easily say we should watch our children every second. but realistically, that is not possible. one particular day when morrison was eight months old, we were playing in bed together, and for a "moment" i thought about yaya's passport problems. when i turned around, morrison was already on the edge of the bed and it was already too late to catch him. i was so guilty i couldn't cry. imagine what would have happened if it was from a window. regrets and guilt won't do anything.

baby-proofing our homes is not to make prisons out of it. it should encourage a child's ability to explore and develop without compromising his safety. it is definitely unhealthy for the child if the parent says NO all the time. if you're living on a high-floor, i strongly advice you to put window grilles or window-stoppers that can prevent little children from opening them more than an inch apart.

kidsafe offers a variety of baby-proofing items. they also have tips on how to baby-proof your homes and how to make them safe for little children. of course, a baby-safe place does not mean you can already leave a child unsupervised. we should never leave our children unattended but should at least give them the space and freedom to explore and develop on their own.

i'm organizing a baby shower for a friend at work, and part of my to-do list is find the perfect gift. i want the gift to be practical yet at the same time elicit a collective aaawwww in the group when the new mom-to-be opens the gift. i thought that as a mom myself, i would immediately know what to give. but this gift-hunting is just as difficult as those past baby showers i have attended before i had my own. maybe even more difficult now since the pressure is there and you are expected to be the expert on the subject of babies.

good thing though, shopwiki's category on babies and toddlers never failed me, whether finding a gift or shopping for my own baby. it's like a google that specializes on shopping and if you're like me who's always unsure what to get, you can go by category and browse each item. or you can search for a specific item you want, a classic baby pram for example, and get a listing of all available inglesina prams for sale online. unlike other shopping sites, shopwiki lists and features all available items on the internet, regardless whether they earn or not. they also have a price comparison so you are well-informed before you make that big purchase. shopwiki is definitely the best and most practical start to shopping. i highly-recommend this site not only to online shoppers but to everyone looking at buying anything in the malls. there is a great power in information and shopwiki gives this power back to the consumers.

i'm still not sure what to get my friend, but since she's having a girl, i'm leaning towards a set of pink gerber onesies or a cute baby shoes. whatever i end up getting, i hope both the baby and the mommy will like it.

it's our fifth wedding anniversary next year. it's a big milestone and we promised we will celebrate it with a trip to somewhere far haha! i haven't travelled since we had the little imp and he's already turning 2 this year, so imagine how long has it been. darwin was lucky enough to visit greece a couple of years ago, but i had to stay home due to my pregnancy.

we've always wanted to go to the US and we were already set to go in 2005 to attend ching's graduation at harvard. we got the visa, but some work commitments did not make it possible. vanie and paul have been hankering us to visit them since, and we always say we will. hopefully, next year will be the year.

we will surely have very limited time, so we picked three cities in order of importance.

1. san diego and los angeles



the city that paul and vanie calls their second home. i'm really looking forward to spending time with them. i want to see how their place looks like and the little things they do everyday. i want to put an image to their stories. apart from touring the san diego area, we're planning to do a sideways-kind of wine trip. and for morrison, i read that the pacific beach has a mini-coney island kind of amusement park that he might enjoy. coronado beach is also a pleasant family beach, they say. i also heard there's a legoland up in carlsbard so it should be an exciting trip for the little one. and not to forget, i need to visit the coach factory outlets in the area. vanie and paul told me that most people in san diego are already dressed in coach from head to toe, but i don't mind joining the crowd haha!



2. san francisco

the most european of all american cities! i heard it's often laced with fog so the atmosphere here must be really romantic and perfect for strolling. aside from the famous landmarks such as golden gate bridge, fisherman's wharf and lombard street to name a few, we're looking forward to visiting the places that beat writers have frequented before, take a stroll along jack kerouac street for the love of the man, and buy all the beat books my pocket money can afford at the legendary citylight bookstore. plus, darwin's closest friends mostly live here and been waiting for us to visit.

3. new york

carrie bradshaw's great love. i'm still searching for exciting activities that we can do with morrison. central park will definitely be on the list of stops. i want to go for a "sex and the city" tour but i know that darwin is most likely to object, so i'll settle for a stroll along fifth avenue and a visit to the metropolitan museum of art. we also want to see grand central, time square at night, the romantic empire state building - all the stuffs movies are made of. and of course, people watch.

( plug. )

i'm not sure if it's true for all babies, but our little one absolutely loves watching videos of himself! so whenever he gets the chance, darwin would take short clips of morrison on the videocam or on the phone camera. then he makes it into a monthly documentary dvd and upload it on the ipod for morrison to watch.

morrison is also fascinated with music. whenever he hears the doors' love me two times, he would immediately look at the tv screen expecting to see his christening video invite. the same with john lennon's beautiful boy for his first birthday video invite. he does a very cute imitation of a head bang whenever he hears rock music, and he sways his head gently when it's mellow. he's so adorable.

so the ipod is a very reliable companion for darwin and me. it keeps morrison entertained whenever we are on the move, or when we need morrison behaved and quiet haha! but it did endure several falls from those little hands.

( plug. )

but same as the tv, we limit the use to 15 to 30 minutes when he's watching videos on an ipod. most of the time, he gets bored and forgets the ipod before the time is up, otherwise his orange chews is always a good replacement.

i don't know if you're aware of the case of the 4-year old madeleine mccann.  she was vacationing with her parents and twin siblings in portugal last year when she was abducted.  she was taken from the hotel room where she was sleeping with her twin siblings, while her parents were having dinner at a nearby restaurant. 

ever since i read the news, it never left me. it's my source of constant fear.  i regularly visit the website dedicated to finding her and each time i do, i pray that there will be good news or at least a promising lead in the investigation.  i can imagine the pain and agony her family is going through, and much worse, what madeleine is going through this very moment in the company of her abductors. 

you may ask the same question as i did - why did the parents think it was safe to leave these children alone in their hotel room. i sympathize with them. there were many times before when i didn't think morrison would fall or bump his head, but he did. 

losing a child is something that i fervently hope will never happen to us all. if you look at the statistics of missing children, most of them happened in a split instance and in a very public place. if you saw the movie minority report, the character that tom cruise played lost his child in a public swimming pool. 

as our children grow, the dangers increase as well.  i acknowledge that we can't let that fear prevent us from letting our children live their lives fully. we can't let our paranoia make us distrustful of everyone either.  but how do you strike the balance between protecting and letting go?  between fear and complacency?  when do you start to panic when he's late from school?  do you search on your own first? where do you start? how long before you involve the police? 

( plug )

we can't be afraid all the time, yet this is the safety of our children we're talking about. burying your head in the sand will not make your child any safer. there are a lot of info in the internet on how we can keep our child safe, including teaching them how to respond to a potentially dangerous situation. a simple act as keeping your child's ID inside the bag when outside of school can save your little one from harm. don't you know that answering your phone with just a simple "hello" instead of saying your name can also save you from a lot of trouble? 

there's no stereotype child or child-abductor. everyone is vulnerable to this danger so it would be good to be aware and keep that fear at bay by being informed. 

darwin and i are celebrating our 4th civil wedding anniversary this coming may 8 (and church wedding anniversary in june 5) so i'm doing a little reminiscing. i started writing about our honeymoon right after the wedding, but didn't get to finish it (because of laziness). i think i have already written about our little mishap in london (read about it here) but in case you don't want to read the whole post, here's a brief summary.

the first stop of our european honeymoon in 2004 was london, and our schedule permitted us to stay there for 3 days and 2 nights before we fly to rome. my aunt offered us their place and her time to take us around. she has lived there for years, so i was really happy to cross out one country from my "to-research" list. i think the only item i looked up with regards to london was the weather, so we could pack the proper clothes.

and so we arrived at heathrow airport at around 5pm and boarded a coach to victoria station where we would meet my aunt. we did meet, no suprise there, but the shock came when she told us that we still have to take the train to their place in worthing! the fare was 11 GBP each (if i remember right), so that's easily 22 GBP for darwin and me. the train ride was close to four hours long, and for us who had only a couple of nights, it felt like forever. it was almost midnight when we arrived. so much for thinking that we can already hit the bars in soho on our first night.

darwin and i decided to leave early for london the next day (which was also my birthday), so before going to bed, we told them of our plans to just go back to london and walk around on our own. they knew we had very little time and walking around london with two small children would slow us down, so they agreed. we left very early the next day, walked (and got lost a couple of times) to the train station with our baggage in tow.

when we reached the station, we were told that the fares were still peak rates (read: more expensive). so it was again an easy 36 GBP lost on fares alone.

in total, that was 52 GBP plus the time lost in travelling plus all the inconveniences. yes, we should have booked a hotel.

we didn't want to go back to worthing on our second night so while strolling along london, we were scouting for cheap hotels as well. it was such a waste of time, i tell you! i was already crying from exhaustion. luckily, we found one a few steps away from the victoria station, which happily worked to our advantage because that's where we would again board a bus to the stanstead airport for our flight to rome the next day.

the rest of our honeymoon trip went well. because we did extensive research, we had advanced hotel bookings in every place we went to. our hotel in rome was close to the roma termini, so we didn't have to worry about the hassles of booking a cab or agonizing over the traffic jam.

all the hotels we chose were close to the train stations were we would arrive and depart. location was an important decisive factor in our hotel selection process. trains arrive and depart in different stations depending on the where it originated and where it's going, so we arranged our itinerary with the thought that we should arrive and depart on that same station every time. when we finally got the whole train schedules, we started booking our hotels.

i think the only exception was paris. it was our last stop in continental europe and instead of taking the eurostar, we chose to take the bus and ferry to london, where we would again spend a couple of days before flying back to singapore. the train station where we would arrive and the bus station where we would depart were too far apart from each other, so we chose to stay at a hotel not far from gare du nord (our arrival point), which was so much closer to the city.

so, if you're going on a trip, make sure you plan your trip well so you can make most of your vacation. if a relative offers a place, be sure to get the address and research on how long and how much to get there, then compare the expenses with the offered hotel rates. factor in the inconveniences as well. also make sure that they are aware of your plans. it was a big lesson learned. although we appreciate their hospitality and we did enjoy the reunion, we could have planned it better with everyone's convenience in mind.


( plug )

( SOON: GENERATION R(OYALTY) )

========

This is in response to Tabitha Wong's article "Soon: Generation (R)oyalty" in Today, dated 25 April 2008.

I share the same observation as Ms. Wong, however I have a different analysis of the problem.

Many studies suggest that tantrums are the children's way of demanding love and attention from parents (or caregiver). I fully agree with that. I believe the biggest problem of children here is not the abundance of love and emotional spoiling from parents, but the lack of it, which is often masked by material pampering.

In the past year, I've seen an upsurge of infant care centers which confirms an increasing demand from parents who choose to leave their month-old babies in the arms of strangers "for professional care" and to learn skills that otherwise won't be taught by nannies or grandparents at home. Toddlers as young as 18 months are sent to playgroups to learn how to socialize. On weeknights, both parents work till late and have very little time to mingle with their children. On weekends, parents will want to get enough rest or catch-up with their own activities, so children are again left at the care of nannies. Even during leisure time at the malls or in the playground, nannies still take care of the children and I rarely see full-attention from parents. At this age, the most essential need of growing babies and children is the steady presence of love and affection, which they will never get from an endless stream of unfamiliar people outside and inside of home.

So it's no wonder then that when parents are around, children demand their full-attention to make-up for the lost time. And if they couldn't get the adoration by behaving positively, they resort to the most effective means, which is by throwing a fit or in this case, kicking his daddy's b***s. Scolding them might temporarily keep them quiet but that doesn't really address the root cause. The emotional need for attention will deepen and will manifest in other forms, maybe in something like an unreasonable demand to be esteemed and promoted at work (20 years from now).

I agree with Ms. Wong that when children throw tantrums, the parents are to blame. But blame them not for raising "princesses and emperors" but for keeping the children "paupers", deprived of parental love and forcing them to beg for attention and adulation from strangers (or future workmates). Disciplining them is not the answer. A tight hug or a shower of kisses works far better than the rod.

mother's day is coming, it will be my second "official" mother's day. darwin was asking me a few days ago for my wishlist but my mind unfortunately blanked out so i just said "anything inexpensive". now i can think of several nice things i want to have but all of them don't seem connected to being a mom, so i'll just save them for my birthday.

last year he got me a swarovski apple necklace, to symbolize the "apple" of our eyes, our little morrison. it was so unexpected and very meaningful. whenever someone compliments the necklace, i always tell this story and i always get back the "aawww!" reply hahaha!

( plug. )

behind every successful working mom is a supportive husband AND a trusted help. i fully agree with that. my career might not measure up to other people's definition of success, but i am very lucky to have both a supportive husband and a trusted nanny to morrison. leaving morrison for work everyday is a big source of guilt for me, but the thought that i am entrusting him to a loving and competent hand eases that burden a bit. i have known ate bing for most of my life so i feel very grateful when she agreed to help us with morrison.

i have heard of happy stories from parents who are very satisfied with the nannies they got from maid agencies. they are the fortunate stories of a stranger turning into "one of the family". but such accounts are usually overshadowed by the horrors of nannies and babysitters abusing or neglecting the children whenever the parents are away. abuse can come in many forms - physical, verbal, emotional - and neglect can be intentional or unpremeditated.

from my chats with other nannies in the playground, they told me of a girl who left her charge with them for several hours so she can meet-up with the boyfriend. there are also other nannies who are fond of gossiping or watching tv, so much that they forget to keep an eye on or feed the baby. i also personally heard some nannies calling the toddlers names such as naughty, selfish and bad.

there are also those well-intentioned nannies who think that what they are doing is right. example is swinging the baby strongly to make him sleep, or tapping the fragile back heavily to stop the crying. there are other times when the baby falls or bumps his head while playing. although not her own fault but for fear of being reprimanded, the nanny won't tell the parents.

us parents can instruct our help, we can post a long list reminders in the fridge, we can call frequently to check on how they are doing, but unfortunately, the person who can give us the most valuable feedback doesn't know how to speak yet. no matter how much i trust my nanny, i still make it a point, every time i give morrison a bath at night, to check for any accidental injuries that ate bing might have forgotten to tell me.

when morrison was so much younger, i wanted to get a nanny camera. not so much as to spy on how my baby is being treated, but to keep tabs with baby's activities during the day. we tape most of baby's new activities for his grandparents, so recording what transpires during the day should be the same as having our own documentary. it is also a good way to check what areas would ate bing need reminding or help.

there's an endless debate on whether it is ethical to install a nanny camera. personally, i would encourage parents to get one for their peace of mind. but, openly explain to your nanny that the reason is you don't want to lose out on baby's activities when you're not around. if the nanny has nothing to hide and deeply cares for the baby, i think she will understand and won't mind having a camera at all. not disclosing deters trust, but to parents with even the slightest suspicion, keeping it a secret might serve a purpose. there are so many kinds of stealth cameras available.

i think the danger here is the misuse of such cameras. there are incidents of maids sexually harassed by their male employers. employers with perverted intentions can install cameras all over the house (even on areas that should remain private) and claim that it is "for the baby's safety". i think it is equally the parents and the nannies' responsibilities to make sure that it doesn't violate the right to privacy.

trust is earned from a long relationship, and to some who don't have a choice but to employ a stranger, a nanny camera is a good ally to have around. i'm very grateful that we have a trusted and loving nanny but i worry about the other babies and children out there waiting to be rescued from abuse or neglect.

one of the rules we strictly enforce at home is to never let a stranger in the house if you're alone. singapore might be relatively safe, but there are still crimes being reported where the offender poses as a contractor and enters the house on the pretense of checking the pipes. so we always make it a point to schedule our air-con maintenance on weekends when everybody is at home. there's safety in numbers. although that doesn't really ensure 100% safety, the risk is greatly minimized. despite the many flyers offering cheaper rates, we also stick to the one air-con contractor we've grown to trust.

( plug. )

finding a contractor you can trust with your home is a very difficult task and it's always better to go with friends' recommendations. research on the company and check for any negative comments on forums. aside from the quality of work, make certain you go for the company which has your safety and peace of mind as primary concerns.

last saturday, we went to borders at wheelock place. morrison loves going there, not really to read books but to be around other children in a different setting, roam around freely and listen to storytelling sessions. it is also a chance for darwin and me to catch-up on the latest music and books.

we were seating in one corner and i was showing morrison a picture book when a little girl (around 3 years old) sat beside me and began reading with me. she got all the words right, i was very impressed! i complimented her for being so smart. hearing our happy interaction, another little girl (a bit older than the first) ran towards us and joined. morrison was very excited and shrieked whenever the three of us read the words in unison. we were quite a sight.

after a few pages, the second girl called out to her sister (or maybe a playmate) to "join us and learn". she sounded very matured, most likely mimicking her mother. then she turned to me and with a look of annoyance said "she still cannot read, you know!". i looked up and saw the dewy-eyed sister, speechless and unable to defend herself. i gestured for her to join us. that's alright, i said. there's plenty of time to learn.

sadly, that's a normal scene among young children here. babies several months old are sent to infant care centers to "learn". toddlers as young as 18 months are sent to playgroups to "learn" songs, alphabets and socialization among other things. i have a friend who enrolled her 18-month old baby to a playgroup and feels very proud that her baby can already answer the questions "what's your name" and "how old are you".

when the children enter primary school, formal education is further supplemented with home coaching. most parents blame the excessive academic demands of the educational system in singapore (which has a streaming process based on the aggregate scores) but as the local movie "i not stupid" implies, it is not the system that's putting stress but the parents' inconsiderate desire for their children to always be on top of the class.

it's an endless debate but i fully agree that it cannot be blamed on the system. most filipinos here compare the educational system and would always conclude that it is far better and more relaxed in the philippines than it is here. but when i was in primary and secondary school in catanduanes, some of my classmates who are already ahead of the class still had to go through advanced home tutorial imposed by their parents just so they will remain ahead. so pointing the finger on the system is not really an argument that holds water.

it's been said that a baby's brain develop at the fastest rate from birth to 4 years, so we are told to teach our babies as many things as possible at this age. and because most parents are working, it comes as a very convenient excuse to send the kids away early to school. getting a fulltime nanny in singapore is easy and affordable (at least compared to the fees in playgroups) so early schooling is not really borne out of necessity but of parents's desire for the children to "learn".

i'm not saying it's wrong. i just think that "teaching" is misinterpreted as "schooling" when in fact it means to expose your baby to as many new things as possible, for him to learn on his own and develop his skills at his own pace. strong emphasis should be given on "on his OWN pace". babies develop differently so a structured, one-lesson-fits-all kind of teaching puts a tremendous mental and emotional pressure on babies. a baby busy perfecting his coordination will not be able to focus on learning a new song so seeing others having an easy time while he has difficulty following can be very emotionally frustrating. babies can't also adhere to a common schedule. some would want to play at 3pm, while others would want to just sit down and chew on books. it is sad to see toddlers being forced to listen and learn songs because "it is not playtime yet".

when we were children, we had time to climb trees, swim (and almost drown) in rivers, play charade in the mud and patintero under the moonlight. each of our scars recounts an adventure. and that's exactly the kind of childhood that darwin and i want for morrison. so on weekdays, morrison spends most of his time in the playground, learning how to climb the stairs, swing on his own, kick a ball, touch a dog, stomp his feet in water, chase a bird, even roll on the floor. he helps uncle sweep the playground floor and helps his yaya wipe the tables.

on weeknights, we walk around the compound to show him the moon and the stars. we wrestle in bed, he leafs through our magazines and plays for a limited time with the computer. we keep books at home within his easy reach so he will be encouraged (but never forced) to read. when he's already bored listening to us read nursery rhymes, he's free to move on and play with his toys. on weekends, we try to introduce him to new places such as turtle ponds, the beach, aquariums, pet shops, even the mall. we ride the bus and the train, we swim, we cycle, we let him play in the rain. we let him touch almost everything, even dirty things, as long as it is not poisonous and dangerous.

even without the fancy flashcards and the expensive schools, morrison at his age can already tell the difference between a car, bus and truck. a few months ago, he was moving his rocking moose around so darwin told him to be careful with his toes. much to our surprise, he pointed to his toes! he again surprised us one day when he pointed to the letter "F" and shouted "effff". he can now identify and say R, X, B, G, K, J. almost all the letters of the alphabet! he knows all his body parts, he can identify any image of buddha, ask for a bottle cover, identify shapes.

there's nothing wrong with teaching babies the alphabets or phonetics early. we have the dr titzer's baby can read and the brainy baby series (both free with his similac milk). we allow him to watch them but we make sure that he watches them only when he motions for it (and strictly limited to 15 minutes every day).

but i think what's more important than reading is the comprehension and analysis, the understanding why baby bear cried when he saw his empty porridge bowl. more important than "what's your name" is the knowledge that morrison is mommy and daddy's baby and that he is so loved exactly the way he is now, without expectations.

i am reminded of a scene from the tv series heroes, where sylar had a confrontation with his mother and he said "why do i have to be special, why can't i be ordinary?". sylar is the villain, but my heart went out to him when i saw that episode. imagine the damage of parental pressure on a child's psyche.

one day, morrison will need a formal education. he will ask for a school bag, a paper and a pencil. but until that day comes, he will have his childhood, he will have his toys, and he will always have the stability, comfort and warmth of home.

( plug. )

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

announcing its birth.

the little imp is one!
please click here for the first-birthday party invite.

"For to a mother, her child will stay,
the precious infant she held that day."

Time flies really fast.

morrison links:
pictures
video invite

it's the world cup season and in singapore, that's synonymous to beer, crowded bars and long queue on betting centers. on friday nights, darwin and i set out to our favorite italian place at orchard road and watch the 9-pm game on their giant projector screen. not pleased with simply watching it, darwin is planning to spice it up a bit by laying small, harmless bets but i am strictly against it. operative word is strict, and how i've come to be like that, i really don't know so a little history would probably help.

i don't have stringent parents. i actually grew up in a relatively rule-free household. one time when i was in high school, my girlfriends and i decided to skip the afternoon class and watch a romantic movie at our place. there was nothing to offer the girls and i didn't have any money for a bottle of soda. but there was a giant bottle of beer in the fridge! curious we all were, so we popped it open and with each timid swig, we felt a notch more sophisticated, matured and wild! my parents were both at work and neither of them was expected to come home until about 6pm, so it was a shock when papa suddenly appeared on the door. he saw the almost-empty bottle of beer and our red, shocked faces staring back at him but he just said hello, took some documents from his bedroom and left again. i was expecting heavy admonishment that night but at dinner time, he just told me that my friends and i can drink as long as we do it at home.

giving your blessing on a supposedly wild thing takes the fun out of it, so even if i wasn't at home, the taste and the intoxication of beer didn’t excite me anymore. i was already working the first time i managed to finish a bottle and at that time, i already had my own bills to pay and dreams to realize, that spending 100 pesos on a lime-topped corona wasn't really a priority.

but i do recall a time when papa lost his carefree facade. back in high school, i couldn't afford a pressed powder so i sprinkle some baby powder into a clean paper, fold it nicely and keep it inside the folds of my hankie. one day after lunch, papa couldn’t find his own handkerchief so he borrowed mine and while he was dabbing his forehead, out came the paper. at that time, i couldn't understand why there was panic in his voice when he asked me what it was, i thought maybe he was terrified that i was dolling myself up for a boy. of course now i realized that he probably thought those were drugs.

speaking of dolling-up, i was chosen to join a beauty contest when i was in primary school. he was totally against it but mama gave her go-ahead. on the night of the pageant, papa didn’t come and barred my siblings from going, so except for mama, who can surprisingly be a stage mother when she wants to, nobody else from the family was there to watch me (embarrass myself). papa is totally against false admiration of any kind but before the show was over, he had a change of heart and they all hurriedly went to the school gymnasium just in time for the crowning.

for a father to four girls, i never heard him cautioning us on boys or early pregnancy. one day, against my own warnings, a boy from school bravely came by our place for a visit. probably wanting to impress me with his i'm-not-scared-of-adults confidence, he approached papa and asked for a cigarette. papa gave him one and didn't say anything but when he left, papa asked me gently if that's the kind of man i want for a husband, smoking even before he can afford a stick.

that sort of shoved me to a very high plane of enlightenment (and may i say, expectations) in terms of relationships. i'm not sure if it did me good though, because my threshold level for boyfriend-related disappointments stayed very low, and those who knew me long enough can tell you that i didn't hold a very good record in keeping relationships. until i had darwin.

papa never had to spell his rules to us, except on one thing - no playing cards, no matter how harmless. one day i went home from school with a set of trump cards borrowed from a classmate. he saw me playing with my siblings and firmly ordered me to return it the next day. my now brother-in-law paul, then on a courting visit to vanie, brought a set of cards for amusement but papa told him to take it away. my siblings and i grew up not learning pusoy-dos and other card games, so we were the uncool, square ones who wouldn't join the card games during sleepovers. the thing is, i kind of like myself that way.

i'm not really sure what's with papa and those innocent-looking playing cards but he always says that the road to gambling begins in a small, harmless step. he came from a poor family but he’s never the kind to take shortcuts to cash. he believes the only way to make it big is to work hard and persevere. with little savings and no business background, he successfully put-up an electronic store/art shop and managed to expand and strengthen it only by gut feel. we didn't grow-up in luxury, indulgences such as a new dress on special school activities were not frequent. if papa had an extra cash, he'd buy a piece of land instead of shirt. up to this day, that's still his preferred means of investment. land and us, his family.

when i was about eight or ten, there was a wave of people going to the middle east to work. times were hard and some of papa's friends were convincing him to go with them. for the first time, i remember feeling really scared. although i didn't know where saudi arabia is, i knew it was somewhere farther than manila. papa used to go on a short trip to manila to get some supplies for his shop and as soon as he waves goodbye, i develop a fever. of course, it miraculously disappears as soon as he's back home. so papa not being around for a really long time would have been devastating to my silly state of health.

one of the many things that i'm really grateful for is that he chose not to go. he believes in being together and we all honestly didn't mind being poor. as a child, i'd sometimes get envious of the luxuries my classmates have but despite that, i never wished for papa or mama to go away just so i could have a pretty dress or a complete set of books. while we never had expensive chocolates to show off our playmates, we had papa and mama with us 24 hours, 7 days a week, to teach us how to swim and kiss away our tummy aches.

so sometimes it beats me why i'm not at home now serving him lemon juice or ginger tea (he's having a bad case of throat infection now). i also believe that families should stay together, i got that from him, but papa would now often rephrase those words and say that we should spread our wings. it is his dream to see us fly and i hope he's proud of the heights his children are seeing, even if it means not being with him.

how i ended up talking about papa from a world cup opening, i don't know. as i'm known for being strict, i'm also known for my lack of coherence.

so as i was saying, i don't know how i've come to be so straight and it worries me that i won't be able to hand to my son the carefree yet effective kind of discipline that i experienced from papa. but there's always darwin to balance me off. already he's a wonderful dad, strict when i'm not, relaxed when i'm uptight, and i am pretty sure he will also be there for us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. i just hope he won't lay a bet this world cup season! if my sternness won't work on him, papa is just a call away.

from darwin, me and the coming little imp - happy (grand)father's day, paps!