So, yesterday marked Jonathon and my 6 month annaversary. 6 months already... I can't believe it... where has the time gone? We didn't do anything real fancy thanks to lack of money. I got a single long stemmed rose with a red ribbon decorated in black marker by him. Of course I got my new song "A Song Inspired by my Love, my Lauren." Finally, and this one nearly knocked me on my ass, he gives me a photo collage of pictures from Las Vegas and he cut and pasted with letters from different casinos "Lauren I Love You Forever Jonathon." I think my favorite part of it is right at the end of his name is a small picture of him. He thinks it's corny and lame but I love it!

I gave him the STP single from like 92 with the remixes and his James Bond sdtk which I'm glad he likes. Then I threw together a watercolor, just abstract shit, and wrote and decorated a poem for him.

Once upon a time months before
When life was losing its meaning
The future just a thick patch of fog
A dark storm surrounding our hearts
Not caring if the sun ever shown again

Then our lives finally collided
Two halves now whole for all eternity
What was once grey now bright
One's strength from the other's love
There's now a reason to smile, to live

Oh yeah, and if you didn't think to use your brain, that was the poem. But I kinda wished I rearranged the last 3 lines. It's sloppy, but it's something. I'm itching to read him this one poem I wrote months ago, but it's so related to our wedding that I really can't. Especially if things get rethought over like they have been.

I'm getting annoyed by people saying they'll call me and then don't. It's happened at least 4 times this week.

I'm getting sick of people bitching to me about something, but appraising it to someone else.

Your "relationship" is as fake as they get. Just break the fuck up.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate being sick?

For some odd reason, I have a lot more fun with my family when we're here as opposed to being home. Prolly because we make fun of rednecks.

I really hope I get to spend Easter Sunday dinner at Jonathon's. It's going to be weird sleeping in my bed by myself. Haven't done that since being at home.

Very Kinky You are 39% pure

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 8% on purity

Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on Ok Cupid

6 months and still going stong. I'm going to look so hot tonight. He better like his shit too...

So, I told Jonathon a few weeks ago how I've always wanted to be "punished for being a naughty girl." Well, I got to find out this past Tuesday night. I was in heaven... at the time. Tight wrist binding and a leather belt... need I say more? Jonathon really didn't like it. He claims it was boring but I think it has more to do with the whole inflicting physical harm and pain on me. But I'm just so glad we did it, even if it's going to be the only time we do. I'm just happy he was willing to give it a second thought and a shot.

Wednesday night of course was the show. I'm so sick of having 4 QOTSA songs played in a 2 hour span though. The new album isn't that great. Not even for my whole tolerance. But in the end Jonathon played one iof HIS songs and it was MY NEW SONG! I realized that without reading the lyrics the first time I hear his music, I have no idea what the fuck he's saying, if he even is saying anything.

Wake up this morning and when my half asleep ass is looking to get ready since I was running late, I see a pile on condoms on my nightstand. Which confused the hell out of me since I didn't know when he put those there. Apparently last night. Shrugs.

I'm getting everything ready for my apartment next year. I saw why it's $2,400 a semester. Because my place is going to be freaking HUGE!!! I'll scan and post when possible.

Saw my Smut for the first time in forever. He's graduating in May but will hopefully be living in the area afterwards. I love my Smut. He's such a good guy.

Is it wrong of me to still find older guys good looking? Not in the whole Oh I'd like to fuck him kind of attraction, but the Yeah he's good looking kind of attraction. I'd never do anything to jeopardize Jonathon and me but I swear I've caught myself 3 times this week checking a guy out and later realizing he's at least 30. Pfft, I'll never change!

Also, if wanting to beat the shit out of a girl who hits on Jonathon mean I'm acting jealous? Especially the one who grabbed his ass in the men's room?

Either way, guess what I'll be doing this evening other than leaning my house for my parents?!

I had THE most AMAZING sex last night. The kind of sex where you can't move for like 25 minutes until you have to absolutely get up for something (like the bathroom). And then you wake up the next morning, hours after it all happened, and it still feels like you had an orgasm a minute ago. I think after my first class I stopped walking all fucked up.

I don't know if it was the condom (Trojan her pleasure compliments of the roomies) or the fact it had been so long since I had sex or the thoughts that were put into my head before hand or the foreplay. Either way it was. The. Most. Fucking. A. Maz. Ing. Sex. Ever. And. I. Want. More. More. More. More. More.

So, if you see a stupid smile on my face today, you know why.

WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I disappeared, but I've reappeared. Things are a roller coaster as always but does that really surprise anyone? But I have a good feeling things are going to get better and that pleases me. I finally did something I should've done years ago but better late than never right?

Classes are classes and I just want to get them over and done with. And the fact that on Thursday and Friday I only went to 2 out of 4 classes really doesn't help. So this Monday has been especially long, draining, and now I have a headache. I'm stressing over the annaversary coming up because I know Jonathon will go all out as he always does. All I know is he spent half of his Vegas vacation thinking over this. And I have a feeling it has something to do with Vegas. Which makes me feel like shit because I didn't have much time to look around Boston and what little time I DID have was in the area I was in, which really wasn't touristy. Nothing screamed him. Anything that remotely did cost money out the ass.

I'm slowly getting financially fucked too. I've got to sign up for classes soon which means meeting with my advisor soon. I haven't taken my praxis nor have I signed up for them because I don't have the $115 for them. And I owe Sandy $60 because she helped me find something for the wedding and a few other things and that's how much everything cost. Well, I think I'm going to send back a shirt or 2. Either way Mama Deis is going to kill me when she comes up here.

Weekend was a little shakey with all this March Madness bullshit. Dan's been watching EVERY game and it's driving me up the wall. And sports highlights aren't enough. We have to watch the game and then watch every show that going to be talking about it. Yeah, I pay the cable bill too. I'm guessing it's just a weekend thing because I still get to watch Queer Eye tomorrow night thank freaking God. But I ran away to Jonathon's for the weekend which was NICE and QUIET. And his dog likes me! As in won't leave me the hell alone because she wants me to pet her every 5 minutes.

Finally saw Jeremy and I miss his hair!!!! Thank God he's growing it back. Matt needs to keep his collar down. And we found a bigger tool than Brian!

So hard to believe it's going to be 6 months on Friday. I often wonder where'd I be if we never got together...

Patience, with all the bad shit going on, I will be sending your money order soon! I'm sorry it's been taking so long but a few things had to be taken care of first!

Ok, so, you know how sometimes you get spam junk emails and they send it to an email addy that isn't even yours, but close to yours? Well, as most know, my email addy is dubbadeis, a high school nick name brought to you by Vikki. And well, Deis is obviously my last name... typically. Even though the email addy is to be said like my nickname. But that's not the point!

Here's the point:

I got a piece of junk mail that was addressed to dubbachristy.

Christy is Jonathon's last name.

I fucking shit you not. If you don't believe me, I'll foreward you the email.

Well, Jonathon is back in Indiana, safe and in one piece.

HOWEVER.

My fish are dead. Both of them. Last time Jonathon's parents went to Walmart, they weren't selling the black phantom tetra because all the fish in the tank are apparently sick! I'm hoping Jonathon saved the receipt so hopefully we can try and get his money back. I have a feeling he's going to buy me annother pair of fish. This time from an actual pet store though.

Fuck you Walmart! I should sue your asses for emotional stress over the death of Qotsa and Nightwish!

After a 2 hour flight delay and turbulance over the Rocky Mountains, Jonathon gets delayed in Chicago until the next flight at 7am.

You better believe he's pissed. If he wasn't so damn exhausted, he'd be causing some serious damage. What a talker. I think? Something about slitting throats...

If I was in Indiana, PA right now, you better believe I'd be hitch hiking my ass to Chicago. Good thing I'm home.

After hearing the whole turbulance thing, I don't want him on another airplane. Especially since last week he decided to get paranoid and tell me he's afraid he's never going to see me again. Yeah. Not cool.

I hate airplanes. I hope we drive to Chicago next year for the conference. Both of them...

Well, it's safe to say I survived Boston but my wallet sure as fuck didn't! Gah it's SO expensive out there and thank goodness I'm working Thursday and Friday! I'm not going to give details but here are a few clips of the trip... Can't give out too many details and the local authority will soon be going through this thing.

~Cops thinking we were drunk and hanging out in front of Sprowls at 4:45am. Then trying to mack it with us. Good thing I decided to stay in the car with Jonathon at the time.
~The new obsession with Hoodlum Hounds. I want Dobermans!
~Watching people walk up and down the streets of Boston smoking a joint. Now that is something else. Doesn't just happen in Chicago these days.
~Walking through a club and getting groped by 3 random guys. If I wasn't an education major, I would've decked those guys and ended up in jail.Poor Korina feeling guilty for dancing with guys that weren't her boyfriend. She's a traditional italian and been with her man for over 5 years!
~Walkng through what would typically be a fountain just to get back to the hotel at 1:30 in the morning.
~YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR WAGON!!!
~Seeing for ourselves that teachers have no idea what art critcism is. And that is scary.
~Being treated like garbage by fellow student chapters. Looks like we're on our own.
~Almost telling the National Student Chapter President off and flipping my State President off.
~CHEAP BUS FARES! $.90 REGULAR; $1.50 LATE NIGHT!
~Paying $12 to see a shitty band but it was paid off when we went outside to smoke a butt and watched a guy get arrested becuase he didn't feel like paying for his drink. And the security guards checked to amke sure we were ok.
~The REALLY hot security guard! Oh mama!
~Getting well over $200 in free art stuff!
~Mistaking Natalee for some woman. I was SO embarassed!!
~Video taping the president and vice president acting like kids.
~The president and vice president secretly video taping me in the shower. Oh I screamed bloody murder.
~Everyone rewinding and watching the footage of me in the shower. I'm still trying to figure out why!!!
~Made my own glass bead with 4 colors! I wish my aunt was still alive because she would be in tears...
~Getting well over 30 lesson plans. I'm set biotch!
~Instead of fixing the guarder rails, they set orange cones in front of them.
~Don't worry Lauren, we have the same size nipples!

So, now I'm home for the remainder of Spring Break. Working on my installation. Not now obviously. Stupid snow is keeping me from doing me dress for the weddings shopping. not my wedding... yet anyway. Missing my Jonathon but I'm glad he's massively enjoying himself in Vegas with the guys.

Quote of the day yesterday...
{Kid screaming in the background}
Lady: Don't mind the screaming kid. What can you do anyway?
Me: Discipline him?
Papa Deis: I don't know, drop it in the river?

I need to get my rolls of film developed... Damn!!!

Things are MUCH better between Jonathon and I... all it cost was me giving us a what could have been better annaversary. He showed up later Friday night and told me to go to the kitchen. I walk in to find a FISHBOWL and 2 FISH inside! I started crying because I felt so shitty about what was going on inside my head and I couldn't get the leaked copy of the new Queens of the Stone Age cd like I wanted to. I started yelling Why? and demanding to know what the occasion was and that I didn't deserve anything and that he should be saving his money for Vegas and his internship.

We've decided to be sick individuals and call the fish our children. A boy named Nightwish and a girl named Qotsa. After the 2 bands one is a huge fan of and so is the other, they just won't admit to it.

I finally fessed up what was bothering me and we had a 2 hour talk about it. I still hate the fact I'm still screwed up from past relationships and that I constantly live in fear he will leave me and the talks of us being together always and getting married will be lies like it always had been. He always asks me why he would say it if he didn't mean it. Everyone else always did that...

Friday night he said he was never going to show up at my house again without condoms. He ended up saying the same thing Saturday night. And he had spent the day on Saturday at home.

If you can't control yourself or how much you drink, maybe you shouldn't drink so much. Especially when you're a guest at someone's place. It's all about respect.

I can do slip castings in Ceramics REALLY well. I'm going to rule on this project. I'm finally making my own individual installation. It's going to kick ass. I kick ass.

Had a scare that Boston wasn't going to happen but we're still gun ho on going and no matter what the IUP NAEA will wreck havok in the north east! If I don't die from all this work due on Thursday and then jump to packing/laundry.

Jonathon really wants to get a place together. Just him and I. It would be ridiculous since he lives right in Indiana FOR FREE. That and my parents would probably stop paying for my college if I did that. Plus what if he gets a really good job when he graduates out in Philly or NYC?

Jonathon might do the Philly internship this summer, graduate in December, work his tail off while I'm doing my spring semester, and try to do Quad Studios in summer '06. If he can pull that off, he's/we're set.

He still wishes I could go to Vegas with him... but he needs a guys trip.

Funny story I was told...
Jeremy: When we're in Vegas, I'm buying Christy a hooker.
Sandy: Oh my God Jeremy, if you do ANYTHING to break up Lauren and Jonathon I will castrate you!

Yes, I have been up for 20.5 hours, and am still wide ass awake. Too much fucking Red Bull.

I'm considering ending a few friendships. It's not like I'm ever going to see these people ever again so technically why should I give a fuck? Jonathon is really rubbing off on me. I should ignore it and let people fuck up their own lives but there are some lifestyles that just piss me the fuck off. There are just some people in this world that should replace people who have lost their lives.

Expect a package in the mail from me soon. If it's going to be the last you hear from me, let that be your choice.

Once again, I hate sleeping in this bed alone. I want my other half here.

I wish my first ceramics project would just be done. Stupid clay.

So much reading to do for next week. It's going to kick me in the ass. I think I'm just going to stay at Jonathon's for the weekend since roomate's are having people over and chances are I'll be moody. Still have to work on Ceramics though! Somehow or another, I have to combine the art of India with the art of the Anglo Saxons.

I've been listening to Dry Kill Logic alot. And it makes me want to punch someone repeatedly.

Pants I wore in high school are now too tight. Makes me feel great.

My radio show is better than yours. And it will continue to be better tomorrow night.

I'm tired of people that intertwine with me dying!

Fuck I have so much work to do.

I left my perfume at home.

I'm learning to crochet this week *hopefully*

I just got my invitation to Becky and Heath's wedding in the mail. I can't wait to go! I have to get a dress. If Brian doesn't come up for his birthday, Jonathon's going with me. He'll buy a silver dress shirt to match the silver dress I have in mind. I haven't found one yet, but that's the color I want to get.

My next ceramics project is going to kick ass.

The inside of my jacket is ripped. I need cigarettes.

Quit cheating on my friend. If you can't stay faithful to him, break up with him. I'll sacrifice our friendship to let him know the real deal.

I need to pee badly. Bye.

Friday morning was somewhat rough considering I went to bed instead of packed. BUt I managed to get everything done and we were on the road by 9:30am. Drive was long of course but it was beautiful and well worth it by the time we got to Philly. Of course I get us lost in the city but then again the street sign that we were supposed to turn on was microscopic. Ended up paying $20 to park for 2 hours. I was upset.

Met up with Tom and walked around while Jonathon had his interview. Walked over to Tower records to kill time. Surprisingly there are some people at City Year who still remember me. Tom still laughs at me how the one guy refers to me as Goth Girl. Whatever. We meet back up with Jonathon, Tom and Jonathon start talking about music, and then I scream out Oh God I turned another one gay! Jokingly of course, but it was a good laugh. Well, I don't think Jonathon found it funny.

Went home, ate steak, went to the Pub. Jonathon really didn't like it this time. Said it was too much like a high school reunion and reminded him of Culpeppers. I think it was meeting so many new people and being around too many friendly people while him being exhausted. But I had enjoyed myself despite being tired. I'll be home in 2 weeks anyway.

Got up early to go to NYC. Must've walked about 10 miles. So tiring. Christo and Jean Claude exhibit was PHENOMINAL! Although I wondered alot how many people dressed in orange just for the occasion. Went to Jonathon's other potential internship place. I really didn't like it. Coldplay was playing a few floors down and saw the lead singer while we were on our "tour." I really don't want him going there this summer.

Got home after 9pm and was upset I missed the FtW show. Found out American Head Charge was playing in Philly and was pissed about that too. Stayed in and burned cds for the radio show. It's our show now :)

Left home around 12:30pm. MY MOTHER HUGGED JONATHON!!!! She has never done that before. I think the only friend of mine she's ever hugged was Sandy? Stopped by Grandma Deis's and then met up with his brother Brian ant KOP mall. His brother's nice and I'm taking it he likes me? I foget what Brian said to Mrs. Christy.

Shit I gotta run to class.

5 months on Friday... damn.

A student passed away here at IUP on Tuesday. Wouldn't it happen to be a friend of mine. Maybe not a current friend, but someone I spent some time with in the duration of his life. Someone who crossed my path of life. He was best friends with a girl who lived with me in Shafer last year. I hadn't seen him since she left IUP. Last night I found out he had left IUP as well until this semester. I really hadn't seen him since last November, but the memories are still etched in my mind and thinking about them hurts my heart.

I dreamt last night I saw him. Alive and his same old self that I remembered.

I used to walk by KDR and immediately thought of him.

I wonder if he ever figured out my music taste.

I haven't cried but I almost want to. People say I'm like my old self and some are worried about me.

Of all my friends who use drugs, it's always the good ones, the nice ones who lose their lives.

I wish I could see him now and be able to get a hug from him.

Classes were rough today. I hope I can get support at home.

I've never known someone from IUP who passed away.

Mike, where ever you are now, I hope you made it there safely. Knowing that I'll never see you again hurts...

This is a pic of me giving my best friend Beth a lap dance for her 22nd birthday way back in November at the Brown! Enjoy!!!

I just had the best Valentine's Day ever known to man. Yes, even better than yours fuckers. Holy fuck he just revealed he was wearing the shirt he was wearing when we met! I'm going to cry again!!!

Anyway, I was a nut as always today. Since Joanthon didn't have his 8am I skipped my 9:15 to sleep in and spend more time with him. We had crashed at his parent's house since I did laundry the night before. Had the whole all black ensemble today. I just won't let some things change.

During class I worked on one of his drawings. After class I ran out and got frames for all the artwork and some of the pictures. Trashed my living room and probably pissed everyone else. Dan was irritating me by making it seem like Jonathon showed up early. Somehow I managed to get everything done.

I wore my lacy black Express tank, black double slitted skirt, black fishmets with bleached ringlets, and my 4 inch pleather heels. He wore a black dress shirt and pants. He came with 3 roses, one being all black, hand painted by him. I loved it! It feels like liquid latex. He loved all the things I got/ made him.

We headed out. We were on a timely schedule so he kinda had to spoil the surprises. He was taking me to Olive Garden in Monroeville and then wanted to take me to the Waterfront to go see Phantom of the Opera, the go out for drinks. We ended up running late so it turned out Jonathon had researched all the theaters Phantom would be playing at in a 40 mile radius. We settled seeing it in Monroeville. The place was called Winnsong Theater. That raised an irritated eyebrow at the sight of the name. Then we shrugged it off.

Phantom was AMAZING!!!!! I cried, I laughed, I drooled. Jonathon and I were 1 of 4 couples in the entire theater. Would've been better if it was just the 2 of us like it was until 5 minutes before the movie started. I told him when it came out on DVD I would watch it over and over. He said he'll do music during those times.

We drove home. He still has something else for me but couldn't do it because of the rain outside. When we got to my place he handed me a cd. It's my song that went with the painting he made me for our annaversary. The song is called Engraved. I love it. It's just him doing vocals on guitar. I love it. When I sat and thought back to how my lifeused to be and how much better it is with Jonathon now in my life, I started to cry.

This was the best Valentine's Day I could ever have.

Quote of the evening...
For God's sake you're my fucking future wife!
~Jonathon

And that's why my life is better than yours. Pictures up soon hopefully. Either way, I know Jonathon's going to cherish my work.

Fooling around while completely exhausted = Total relaxation and a great night's sleep!

Jonathon: I've got one hand rubbing your back, what do you want me to do with the other?
Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I think you want to rephrase that question!
Jonathon: Why?
Me: ;) Heeheeheehee.

Oh and if anyone knows any metal bands whose name is related to a species of fish, let me know for our radio show!

Home in 7 days. The interview's on 17th St. I had hoped for 12th so I could walk to a friend's house while he had his interview. If anyone is going to be around 17th St about 3:30 pm and wants to get together so Jonathon doesn't feel like I'm sitting somewhere bored, let me know!

Yo fuckers I'm coming home next week! As in I'll be in Philly Feb 18th with the hubby. He's got his first internship interview at 4pm on Friday. I'm not sure yet how long we're staying... that is, if we're leaving that Saturday or staying until Sunday. It all depends on our schedules and how much work we have due in the upcoming week etc, etc.

So if you would like to see a Deis and or a Jonathon, let us know and we will see what we can wor out!

Jonathon's got something up his sleeve for Monday. I've got 85% of his things ready. Just have to finish 1 thing and try to search for another. I can't believe I've actually done this and am going to go through with it.

Fuck I'm such a sap. Being in love rules and sucks at the same time. I'm such a pussy now.

God I'm exhausted. But I want sexual attention! Damn me for having this high sexual drive! Who wants to go down on me?!?! That would feel fan-fucking-tastic right now.

Pig Destroyer dedicated to all those currently taking Bio 104.

Superbowl came and went. We lost and people haven't been too brutal on it. Not to me personally FOR THE MOST PART. At least some people know to respect me as I did when their team didn't make it.

Problems with Boston but if all else fails I'll drop my biology class. It would be nice having only 3 classes again.

Still looking for an apartment. Found out my friends' apartment caught fire this past weekend. I hope they're alright and have places to stay. I called and said I would do what I could.

I NEED to get to Walmart to get Jonathon's presents. I think I'm going to bus it on Thursday. But I need to hit up Joann Fabrics and the Mall as well. Total bullshit.

Saturday I drove Jonathon's car out of our parking lot. Almost killed us but I need to remember the just because the steering wheel is straight, the car may not be straight!

Jonathon and I are doing MUCH better now that we are communicating, opening up more to one another, and understanding our behaviors better.

I need to go shatter a mirror. And think of a playlist for Wednesday. Why must so many metal songs be so DAMN LONG?!?!

Even when it's a joke I'm starting to get irritated when people think I have a certain role in this society because I'm female. I get even more upset when it's said to Jonathon considering we already have an unusual relationship. I might just need to lighten up. But I know he doesn't like it. Eh.

I thought people would get all freaky anytime I say Jonathon and I are off to Vegas to get married. They get freaky when I say it's out in Vegas. But nothing on us getting married. Weird how already outsiders are seeing us getting hitched.

I'm starting to get weirded out with people saying how cute it is to see us in love. I'm just being me.

Jonathon and I did the radio show last night and it was fantastic. In the end he stopped everything to thank me (I'd like to take this moment to thank my girlfriend Lauren. She basically picked uot everything that was played tonight. I love you hun)on the air and then we slow danced in the studio to Demon Hunter.

It's my ex-fiancee's birthday today. All I've thought about today are the things I'd love to say to his face if he were here. I think that's going to happen with all my ex's until I forget their birthdays.

I want my Jonathon over so I can have my full body massage.