| Life...again... |
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| 10:43pm 02/06/2008 |
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mood:  confused music: My Immortal-Evanescense
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So at this moment I feel like my life is...sort of...just stuck. I don't know yet how to make it better...it's not bad...but it's not what I want it to be.
I want...
-a new job...maybe...
-A driver's license
-a car
-someone to care about me as much as I do about them for once in my dating life.
-to put myself first...instead of pleasing others...
-to stand up for myself in current situations
-to know that I'm worth more than what I'm given...
Ahh boo things are strange...I'm battling back and forth on some stuff...on what to do and everything.
However I did have a much needed and i think deserved, wonderful day! I went to King's Island with Stephen today and I had so much fun! I really needed to just get away from everything I have going on and get away to a place that was so fun that I didn't think about anything but having fun. And it just showed to me even more how much of a true and great friend Stephen is. I'm blessed to have some of the best friends one could ask for...so I'm thankful for that!
Alright later for now...
-Steven |
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| Weekend... |
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| 09:39pm 26/05/2008 |
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I have to say I had one of the best weekends I have had in a very long time! I got to go home for my niece Tori's birthday party, which was an Alice in Wonderland theme. I dressed up as one of the Card Knights of the Red Queen. It was a great party and seeing my family really helped. Even my 6 year old nephew Topher...who may get on every nerve i have sometimes...but i love him more than anything...hes been a blessing in my life. To have someone...even a 6 year old love you and for you to know how much someone looks up to you. It's great :) he keeps me strong :)
AND then I ended up hanging out with a lot of my old J-town friends...we went to a straight bar and i had such a great time! This weekend with them made me feel so much better! They truly are some of the greatest friends in the world and im so glad i have them!
Anyhoo...theres a good update! :)
-Steven |
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| ... |
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| 06:43am 23/05/2008 |
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Today will be a better day... :) Things are ok for right now...but i hate my job a bit so not sure whats going to happen. And well besides that I've been doing alright... :) update to come soon i hope...
-Steven |
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| Life... |
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| 10:51am 19/05/2008 |
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mood:  cold
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I've been having a rough few days...between work and living with an ex boyfriend things can get a bit stressful! I'm doing my best to hang in there...I think though if Tommy and Chris get too serious...I may not be able to live with him anymore. I really don't want to find another place and I don't want to live alone...that won't help...so I'm not sure whats going to happen. And the unknown is very scary to me...I'm honestly playing it one day at a time, that's all I can handle. But hey each day is a new day...and a new experience. I just need to try to focus on the positive and stop living in the negative. If Tommy makes Chris happy (even though I don't want him to) then I need to be happy for Christopher...even if it completely sucks for me. I'm going to try to not write in here when i have little breakdowns...that won't help anyone...including myself. So hopefully if anyone reads this...you will see some positive things...as long as something positive happens to me soon. We'll see...
P.S. Friends if you do read this...I'm sorry I haven't been talking to anyone or wanting to go out..I've been in a bit of a rut and I'm trying to make it better...so just hang in there with me :)
P.P.S. Yay I'll be getting new glasses!!
Ok goodbye for now journal,
Steven |
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| Lost... |
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| 03:23pm 30/03/2008 |
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mood:  crushed music: Leona Lewis
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Ok so it's been years since I've posted in this thing...but I feel like just getting my emotions out...mostly just for myself...i don't think anyone even reads his so it's just a form of therapy for me.
Chris,
I don't know what to do about us. I've tried so hard to make us continue to work and i still feel like you don't care. Right now we are in this fight and I can't be the one to try to mend us up again. If you want us to work you need to start putting something into this...love me...SHOW me you love me. Right now I don't feel like you care...you say you love me but it confuses me that you don't want to be affectionate...or kiss me...it makes me feel useless, unwanted and more than anything unattractive. I love you so much and its killing me that we arent talking right now...i dont know what you're thinking about...ive been thinking about you a lot and all I want is you to try to help us...if not then the inevitable will occur...and it would be the hardest thing ive ever gone through if we break up...even if im the one to do it. There are so many layers that go into whether we are meant to be together or not...and im the type of person that needs love...touching, romantic, cuddling, hand holding, kissing love. I'm blown away that you think I "smother" you with my affection...i would pay anything to have you show me even half of what i give to you...I love you...and i cant help that im so affectionate...thats what relationships are for...to show how much you love each other...everyday...not once in awhile.
I'm honestly lost right now...going back and forth on what to do...I want and deserve to be happy...i deserve to be loved...and if you cant give me the small things i ask for when i give you so much...then this isnt going to work....and it kills me to say that. If you were just more affectionate...we may be able to last...but i dont know if you even care enough to try. You probably wont even see this so we will just continue to not talk...but its up to you to end this fight. I'm done putting all of myself into us...only to get almost nothing back....
Let's see what happens i guess... |
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| An Update...sort of... |
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| 10:03pm 28/09/2006 |
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So I never post on this...but I feel like doing so at the moment. And well I know some of you actually enjoy reading this on occasion :)
I want to start out by saying right now...at this very moment...I feel really tired and for some reason upset...I havent really let out any emotions about not taking classes yet..so i think it's about that...however this entry is actually a HAPPY one :) So let's continue to that...shall we?
I wanted to post an entry about the lovely Christopher Coleman. As most of you know...he's my boyfriend and we've been together just over 5 months...about to get to the 6 months. And I have to say that these past 5 months with him have been...well...amazing. I was just laying in bed last night and realized that without him I would be worse off than I've ever been. And with that I mean with my depression stuff...especially now with not taking classes...without Chris I would feel like I had nothing to look forward to everyday. This is why I want to spend everyday with him...and I think it's hard sometimes for people to understand that. But when you truly love someone how I love Chris...he just makes everything ok...and keeps me happy. Yes granted we have our small share of tiffs at Red Lobster but I genuinely have never had feelings like this for someone...not on this level. I've never felt more loved by another soul than I do when I'm with him...and when we go to bed together and we hold each other...its still as though I can't get close enough...I just never want to let go...I want to be in that moment forever. So yes world..I love Christopher Charles Coleman :)
That's about it...except to say I'm really tired...I think it's from babysitting my niece...which I need to figure out if I can keep doing...I sort of feel like I never have time to just relax...and i'd LOVE a day to just sleep in!!!! lol But oh well...it'll all work out. Hope all is well with any of you who read this...I love you all...
Later kids,
~Steven~ |
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| Yet again... |
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| 09:40am 03/08/2006 |
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mood: crappy music: More Than You'll Ever Know-Travis Tritt
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So here we go again with another depressing update from yours truly. This time however I feel is a really special one.
A few nights ago Tim had his wonderful 31st birthday party...which for some part was fun but there was also drama. As most know my lovely bf likes to strip on occasion...and i support that career...but during his performance he kissed someone else...and i got upset about it. After a talk in the bedroom Chris got upset and then i reassured him all was well with us. Then i went back out to the party...only to find that maybe i was a little more upset about it than i thought. I ended up being mean to the other person even though it really wasnt his fault...and i continued to drink...as you shouldnt be surprised. Next is the part that is causing such an issue...I ended up kissing Brian. Now I don't personally remember this happening...in fact i dont remember quite a bit of the party...which happens after a.) i drink a lot...and b.) im overly emotional...i tend to just black stuff out...its a blessing i learned in my childhood. Anyway so everyone was mad at me last night at karaoke but i felt like i needed to go to apologize to them...and so i did...with not such a warm welcome at first. But alas it ended up eventually being ok. Then this morning I broke down and finally wrote Chris an email to tell him about it...not really sure of how he would react. It killed me to write what I had done. He replied back saying he felt like something was up the last 2 days...and i guess that is valid. Im just praying that this doesnt end our relationship...im sure on some level it may change it...but i dont want it to be over...but i dont know how Chris feels. I feel like we do love each other...and that we can work through just about anything...and im hoping and praying he feels the same.
He said he isnt sure when we will see each other again...and each minute, hour, or day that goes by im going to feel lost without him. He is one of the few people who genuinely makes me happy anymore...and i dont want to lose that...im not sure what would become of me if i did.
Anyhoo...i feel like a big douchebag...and im probably calling off of work today...and saying im having "personal issues"...which they will think im shitting myself or something..but whatev i hate that place anyway...especially food ave. But i feel like at any moment i could have a breakdown...and wouldnt want that to happen while serving some 8 year old her icee and hot dog. I just feel it best to not go in...we'll see if i get fired or anything...
Alright thats all for now i guess...i may write again later...i just wanted to vent some..
Later,
~Steven~
P.S. I'm a blonde now....we'll see how long that lasts... |
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| I just don't understand |
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| 02:01am 12/07/2006 |
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mood:  sick music: None
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Ok so no one really reads this shit journal anyway so i dont mind expressing just how Im feeling right at this very moment...and that is absolutely confused, rejected, sick, and lost. I'm not going to spew too many details...but I just feel like I give so much and I'm not sure how else to show how much I care...i somehow make you feel rejected but i cant understand why and it kills me...
Now I'm here crying which is surprising since I thought everything was fine...I feel like i just cant win...no matter what i do...
This is pointless and I'm sure things are going to be fine...theres a love i know isnt going away...i just need some explanation of whats going on...
Anyhoo...I'm off to cry in bed for numerous hours only to pretend in the morning that I'm fine...story of my life i guess...i love all of you and especially you Chris...
Later kids,
~Steven~ |
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| A lot of Stuff |
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| 05:08pm 05/07/2006 |
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mood:  lethargic music: Not Ready to Make Nice-Dixie chicks
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Ok so it's been WAY long since I've updated...and in that time I have been through a lot...good and bad. So let's start and I will try to highlight most of it without this being too long :)
So i went through a CRAZY depression from about the middle of January until April-ish...it still can be bad at times but I'm doing much better. I ended up failing 5 classes between my winter and spring quarters and i need to start trying to work on fixing that...but it should be ok. The main reason I'm doing so well now is thanks to Chris...the bf...he really got me out of my depression whether he knows that or not. And i'm not one to let myself fall for someone too quickly..but i have definitely fallen in love with him....we've already been through a lot together...good and some bad-ish...and it just makes me feel like we've been together much longer..and well we've known each other for awhile and wanted to try dating so i just feel a deep connection with him...and i love that :) so thanks to him for being so wonderful ;)
Umm I desperately need to find a place to live inthe next month...i'll be living with richie! YAY! or i'll be homeless if we don't find a place lol...but im excited to be out of this house...I've had some good times but it has also been some of the most stressful times of my life living here so I'm ready to move on and hopefully not have those memories anymore...
I still work at Target...yep it's been just over a year now..I still like it but it can be frustrating at times..but im sure i'll stick around there and just see how it goes...
Well today had been sort of a hard day...i think it's some leftovers from yesterday which ended up being very trying on my emotions for some reason...i felt really depressed by the time we got back here and had a little crying fit in bed and just couldnt sleep...but im doing better right now and i just hope everything is ok and the rest of the day will be better :) Here's hoping....
Ok i love you all and maybe i'll actually start updating regularly again...or at least more :)
Later,
~Steven~ |
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| Argh... |
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| 07:43am 21/02/2006 |
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mood:  gloomy music: Don't-Kelly Clarkson
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Here I go again taking one step forward and two steps back. I'm tired of feeling this way....almost every minute of every day. This could be one of those I"ll regret this later" posts but oh well...who really cares eh?
So I'm dating Michael...trying my best to let myself like him. But it's a lot harder than expected. In case you all don't know I previously had many boundaries which one needed to work through before I let myself like someone...and well after the last break-up I'm finding that I haven't let down any part of my guard. i'm terrified to get hurt again...and so hung up on my last relationship its sort of ridiculous...yet I can't help how I feel.
This past month or month and half has been really rough...I've missed pretty much the last 3 weeks of classes...whchh means I will more than likely fail at least 2 of my 4 classes and i have not one ounce of care left about it....and my hottness has gained a whopping 14 pounds now...yes I know you can't tell and i'm skinny...but its just the fact i gained so much weight...then again all i do is eat and sleep..i suppose it should be expected lol....
I'm not sure what the point of this post is really...a vent...an expression....an update for those who barely get to talk to me...I'm bored and not sleepy...boo...
A small part of me is trying to move on with my life...move on and be happy...but its a hard battle...I want so much to just not care...go back to being myself...go to class...and maybe even go for a jog...Maybe with some more time I'll get back to that...but for the moment im stuck between a rock and a hard place...
I love someone who doesn't want to be with me right now....and im in a relationship I fear to invest anything in...
I feel like I should just be single...but even that option ends up hurting people...it sucks...i care a lot about other people's happiness...and always put mine aside...and well nwo im not sure what the hell is going to make me happy...
I've also been finding myself to be drinking quite excessively...now im not saying i have a problem..i'd know if i did....but i feel like having 2 sober days out of the last 8 is a bit much :( But i put myself in situations where I feel I need to drink or something to get through it...I mean having the guy you are dating....the guy i wish deeply to be with...and then another who i was going to date who is so nice...makes getting through a night really hard...
All the feelings for everyone hits me at once...and I'm left chasing them down with some bud light or whatever beverage someone gets me...now i reiterate i dont think im an alcoholic...but i do think my liver could use a break :)
Ok well this post is way long...seems pointless....and I'm going to hit the sac soon in hopes of sleeping peacefully as opposed to have it is on occasion....and maybe...JUST maybe my ass will get up at noon...
Later kids,
~Steven~
"You look at me like you always do,
But you don't have a clue.
You smile at me,
You hug me,
But you don’t know I want you.
To you I'm just your friend.
Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
My heart cant take it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you miss me,
Don’t hurt me.
Don’t say you love me." |
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| New post...YEAH! |
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| 03:11am 14/02/2006 |
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mood:  hopeful music: You're Beautiful-James Blunt
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So its been muchos amounts of time since I had an update..I figured it was time. A lot has been going on...i'll do my best to summarize.
I've felt recently I've slipped back into my "I'm sad..don't give a shit about much" self i used to be. It's not as bad but i have missed quite a bit of class...important things...and really like to lay in bed a lot again lol...but i'm working on it.
The brookes issue is still...well slightly an issue. Each week seems to be easier but seeing him with Calvin still does upset me at times...whether while around people or later when im alone. I'm doing the best i can though...i feel its understandable.
On a positive note...I've decided to start dating Michael (Mike) from work. He previously asked me out when i was with the above mentioned chap...but he asked me out again so i decided why not :) And well i have to say so far it's going really well. He's amazingly nice to me...and way funny. Plus he tells me I'm cute all the time...which doesn't hurt :) We'll see where this goes...but i have very positive views of it...
The negative of the dating is that i had to tell someone who i do like...that i couldnt date them or give it a shot i guess. I feel bad because he is such a great guy...and i told him he's THE sweetest and kindest person i've ever met...and i hope we can still be friends...
I think Richie and I are going to live together next year and I'm SO excited! There's nothing like getting to live with your best friend! I think we will have a lot of fun up in that place...
Ok well I need to go to bed...I'm hoping my ass gets up to do homework...so i can spend the night at michael's for V-day...which i usually hate...but it helps to have someone to cuddle with for the night :) I love all of you....
~Steven~
P.S. this is a statement that when i am sad-dish about the old situation...fits perfectly...
"And I wait for the day you realize,
I'm still here waiting, still here hoping.
And I wait for the day I realize,
You're never coming back" |
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| Holding on.... |
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| 12:40am 20/01/2006 |
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So I never realized just how much these words are exactly how I feel at this moment in time until today...
In case people don't know me and the B-Rookes are no longer together...he decided we should just be friends...at my b-day party. And well I'm doing the best I can to transition into just being friends..but admittingly I do have a few rough moments. One of which happened at karaoke last night...thankfully I was out the door before getting emotional so only a few people got to see me all pretty and upset...but besides that I've been doing ok..I think it was just seeing him with Calvin so much at one time just started to break me down...but I'm hoping with time we will be able to be friends...cause if nothing more I want that because I do care about him deeply...
Anyway onto the lyrics...
"I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes"
Later,
~Steven~
P.S. I'm trying really hard not to let this get me down..I know I deserve someone who truly wants to be with me..and I thank every single person who has been there for me when I needed you all the most :) |
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| Feeling Crappier then ever... |
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| 12:55am 23/12/2005 |
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mood: blank music: Ashlee Simpson
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Ok so i'm a big douchebag who deserves to be alone....this is what i've determined after last nights events. Now im not going to give too much detail..or maybe nothing at all...but if you talk to me i may...all i know is i feel terrible...
And i REALLY need to stop drinking...if not completely at least not as much...the events that happened would not have happended had i not been way intoxicated. Most of the time i feel myself to be a very trustworthy and good person...but my guard was down for many reasons last night...and i gave into something im not sure i should have...granted i dont think it will majorly affect whatever me and brookes are...but it will tear me up regardless of how he may feel about it..because what i did...is very not like me...
Also i was on the phone with my dad which normally is weird....cause we dont talk much...but recently i know hes been concerned about me...and im not sure if my mom or sister told him anything thats going on or not...but today on the phone he asked me a very simple phrase "Are you ok?" and right there at work i almost cried...which this has been happening on occasion so i shouldnt be surprised but i think i just really felt loved at that moment...as corny as it sounds..just knowing someone cares...Then he asked me if i wanted to come home again...meaning take a break from school and move home for a quarter or what not...im not sure why he thinks that can happen...it's already going to 5 years before my damn ass gets a degree in anything...but i know he just wants me to be happy...
Well im dealing with a lot of emotions all at once at the moment...which means i need to just go to bed....then it's off to Target again for my last shift before i get to go home on saturday!
Later,
~Steven~
P.S. I WANT A NEW BED DAMNIT!
"Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again" |
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| Friends.. |
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| 03:57am 21/12/2005 |
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mood: cold music: None
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Oh how I love my friends :)
I want a new bed for Christmas/my b-day..im hoping i can convince my mom to let me have my new one in my bedroom in our house at home...we'll see. And if not i may use my refund/christmas/b-day money to buy one...it just needs to happen...
Well I'm off to bed...trying not to freeze to death...
Later,
~Steven~
P.S. I may have a b-day party on Jan 13th..I'll keep you posted...or we're all going out to Axis...there are pros and cons of each so im deciding what I want to do :)
P.P.S. I really like this song by Michael Buble called "Home"..here are some lyrics for your enjoyment...
"Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home" |
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| My shout out.. |
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| 09:01am 11/12/2005 |
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mood:  dirty music: None
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The intention of this entry is mainly to give a shout out to Mr. Richie Webb...who I consider to be one of my GREATEST friends of all time...now more than ever. I feel he deserves this entry because Richie is always there for me whenever i need him...whether it be out somewhere...at home...2 pm or 3 am...and it means the world to me. This is devoted to you Richie for being more caring than I thought any human being could ever be and for helping me...especially recently. He is one of 2 people who knows what im going through right now (the other being my sister) and i couldnt ask for anything more from you...you are helping me hang in there. So i love you Richie and hope we stay friends for my whole life...seriously...
Later kids,
~Steven~
P.S. I'm done...don't you feel like sometimes you really deserve more out of something or someone? |
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| Le boo.... |
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| 10:09am 25/11/2005 |
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mood: Tomorrow-Avril Lavigne
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And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't
When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
[Chorus:]
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,tomorrow
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
It's always been up to you,
Let's turn it around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't
Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,tomorrow
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
Tomorrow it may change....
Peace,
~Steven~ |
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| Regret... |
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| 08:21pm 21/11/2005 |
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mood: blank music: Random MP3 mix
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Regret...as in i'll regret writign this later but alas I don't have anywhere else to real let out feelings and I know not too many people read this so it shouldnt be too bad..
I'm having...well have been having a really hard time this past few weeks with being amazingly stressed out and way overly depressed. Granted I've said before I never tell anyone when im having issues..mainly because peiople just expect to be so happy and the fun one all the time. dont get me wrong i love being the fun one and it hasnt been all bad...but a lot of stuff has been thrown at me these past few weeks and im honestly having a really hard time trying to digest it all...and im not sure im succeeding..
And if i didnt have enough I'm now having a new issue...I think i just dont want or think i deserve to be happy or something...If i get involved with someone its hard for me to let myself like them..for many reasons...mainly bad previous relationships/events...but oh geeze...im going to be way honest...I do like Brookes...but Im not sure we want the same thing...I enjoy whatever it is we do have...our hanging out..sleeping together(non-sexually you pervs)...My issue is just that..what does he want? I'm the type of person who likes to have a title...for my own good...as is represented by the fact that ive made out with 2 other people while ive been whatever with brookes...but he thinks making out isnt a big deal...yet i do and cant help feeling like that.
So mainly im way...way...way stressed out and more depressed than ive ever been in my life...which is saying a lot trust me...and im nto sure what im going to do...It's my hope that my visit home for thanksgiving will remedy most if not all of this and i'll be ok..and if not..i dont know where to go then...
I do feel like a need a healthy outlet...and although im usually not very personal in here...i may just have to start being so...cause its getting tough to handle everything without at least expressing it partly..
Anyway I'm going to call my mom...that should help a little...
i'll catch everyone later,
~Steven~ |
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| Muchos.... |
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| 01:24am 18/11/2005 |
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mood: sleepy music: 2 AM-Some Girl
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A lot has been happening this past week or 2 so I'm going to give at least a brief description of it all...
BAD
Some really bad things have happened...My 2 room mates Jason and Jeremy...there house in our hometown burnt down. I can't even imagine what they are going through...it was rough for me thinking of all the fun i had growing up in that house i cant believe it...its so crazy how these things happen. They have a lot of love and support coming their way so i know they will make it and i wish thema nd their family all the best..
I found out today my bank account was -$217...which is insane..i had 6 transactions go through while in the negative..thjose transactions were each approx. $2 a piece...for food while i was at work so i wouldnt die...so for those i got a $31 charge for each...im going to close my account on saturday...i know its my fault...im a douche but i hate huntington bank right now...
Classes have been a little rough as well...as normal i guess. If i get stressed or depresed whatsoever then its hard to find the motivation to go...so ive missed quite a bit in the last week or 2...im hoping i can pull some stuff out of my ass and do ok on my exams and such at the end...
GOOD
So the reason iw as stressing out this week partially is because I went to get an HIV test at the student wellness center...i was like 97% sure id be negative..but sinc ei had previously been a whore i was concerned. Thankfully my results came back negative yesterday which made the whole week a lot better. It's good to know you're in the clear when it comes to things like that...
Me and the B have been hanging out a lot...and i like every moment of it. Granted i may have made out with someone at karaoke a few times and i havent told him but i think thats ok. We havent established a title and B seems pretty easy going....since when he made out with someone he didnt find it to be a big deal..im thinking it shouldnt be that i did...but we'll see...all i know is i like him...i just gotta make sure he likes me back before i let myself like him more...we dont need anymore of that me falling for someone then getting hurt...geeze :)
Ok well im sure i forgot some stuff but oh well...im sleepy kids.... :)
Later,
~Steven~ |
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| Short Entry |
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| 02:54am 14/11/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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This will be a short one my friends....
Life is sort of crazy at the moment...I feel like I work all the time and don't have much time for anything else. Granted though I havent been consistently going to class so i do have free time on occasion. I'm think i know the reason i havent been going and i hope after wednesday it will all get better...i'll let you kids know.
I'm way exhausted from working so much and doing the little class work that i do do...I work at least 25 hours which isnt too bad usually but recently it has seem excessive. But if i wantt o pay those bills and not have people angry with me i have to do AT LEAST that many....but i have tuesday and wednesday off so im way looking forward to that.
The fraternity boys decided to pay my dues for me out of our treasury..yes it sounds like a nice gesture and i do thank them for it...but im way upset about it. I dont have any more nor will i ever to pay them back which is why i was going to go inactive. No one replied to any of my emails i sent out about the possibility of going inacive so im sort of pissed...and im not sure how involved i want to be right now...if at all actually. I love all my frat bros but the fraternity is just wearing on my nerves...and im not sure its worth it considering i barely have anytime as it is. But whatev...all i know is i cant pay that money back any time soon....
Ok well i need to get some sleep...my goal is to go to my one class tomorrow but its been rough trying to get myself to go...but heres hoping...
Peace Out,
~Steven~ |
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| Quick Update.. |
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| 02:51am 08/11/2005 |
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mood: peaceful
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Not much to say really except this is going to be a stressful week for me...I'm waiting for something that could make or break me...so here's hoping it goes ok...
All is good in the life at the moment...me and the B have been hanging out a lot...still no word on exactly what we will be...but hey I'm enjoying the time we spend together so thats good enough for me :) I'm getting all my hair cut off tomorrow...wish me luck..hopefully I still look sexy!! woot! I'm sure I will...
Alright well I need to be up at 9:15 so my ass is going to bed...goodnight everyone :)
Later,
~Steven~ |
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osuguy1984's journal