d.o.l.l.s.

March 1st, 2005

11:33 pm
i am unsure what we have. is it something am i makeing it up. should i choose the other. do i really even have a choice. why does this have to be so frackin confusing.

brothers b-day tomorrow. get to skip school to visit him. YEAH!!!!

I SEE JEREMIAHIM THREE DAYS. i cant reamember the last time had so many weird and unrelated emotions runnung throgh my body
Current Mood:

confused
Current Music: Hanson-underneath

December 20th, 2004

02:16 pm
DONE WITH FINALS

December 18th, 2004

02:36 pm
wow it feels like it has been years.

so life has been weird
nothing special
I have two finals on monday then i will be done with all my finals in High school!
i THINK MY FRIENDS ARE INSANE. everyone wants to date. i just want to graduate.

well i really have nothing intresting to say so

peace
Current Mood:

chipper
Current Music: Eisley

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November 24th, 2004

12:30 pm
I am so sorry. I have not written in so long. I havent been at my own house in so long it has been hard to find time to just write.

I have been crazy stressed trying to keep up with life. But lets see. Like three weeks ago my dads car was stolen at gun point we still have not found it . SO in turn i have been living with my youth minister and his family. It has been hard my dad has wanted it to be a secret but know like a whole bunch of peopl;e know so I believe that it is okay for me to post it know. This has caused school to be a major hassel because i have not been able to focus.

Well this past saturday we took our rental car to see family in Al. I hate visiting family but i did get to hang out with guy i had met like a year and a half ago. He really broght me happiness i had not felt in awhile. \

Now i am at my moms and will be here until friday when i will go back to Al spenmd the night then go to TN spend the night there go to church and finally on Sunday get to come home.

Well school had been going ok i have like four papers i need to write in like the next two weeks which isnt a lor but i am just a really poor writer.

my friends have been weird i think being away for awhile will help things a little wer shall see.

Well thats my life right now in a nut shell more to come soon. I promise
Current Mood:

drained

November 4th, 2004

11:27 pm
I dont even know where to begin. It has been so long and for that I am sorry. I have been feeling crazy emotional the past few weeks and have not wanted to bore myself or others.

School is a bitter sweet. i love my friends, hate my friends. same with classes. I have been so crabby lately thatpeople just get irritated with meand who can blame them i have been a jerk. I miss soem people i haven't talked to in awhile (sigh:Jakob)

yesterday in my bible class everything made me want to cry. I started talking about my mom and how much i miss her and Blair and i nearly lost it. Then the boys can in and gave us cookies and individual cards and i lost it and had to leave the room. love:hate. the boys in my class can be really stupid, the end.

First gameof the year and first pepe rally. i am so nervous. i just feel so different from the rest of my squad.

iamd tired now

October 9th, 2004

03:10 pm
It feels like it has been forever since i have had enough free time to post.

I am really missin life the wya it used to be. me and my friends just hangin out an d havin a good time where did that go. now it is boys this and boys that iand i feel kinda left on the outside. my two besyt friends have two guys that want them and they cant choose. i have none/ now i get to go to the fiar with them and fell like a fifth wheel yippy.
Current Mood:

aggravated

September 29th, 2004

10:24 pm
I WANT TO DATE SO BAD. i really want a boyfriend or to at least go on a date it would be a nice change to know and do what my friends have done.

September 25th, 2004

07:21 pm
well, doesnt life just throw you for a loop sometimes. i went to oc this weekend and had so much fun. a part of me desires to go there and a huge part of me desires to go to aim. i guess i am just tired of not knowing what God wants me to do. It is driving me crazy. I feel so pulled. Both would be great I love theater and i would get to be there with my friends but aim seems so great and yet again my friends. I feel like no matter what i pick i am letting people down I just dont know what to do. I feel so torn.

Other news, church felt really weird on wendesday. something was off and I just could not place it. well actually i had felt it before wendesday it just became more apperent on wendesday. I dont know.

I feel reallu weird to. yet again my circle is changing and i feel totally weird. It be all this graduation stuff. wright has been my place of stability mu whole life and now that i am in my last year i am starting to resent the place. i think that it just might be easier on me if i leave the place angery then happy. I am not really sure.
Current Mood:

confused

September 18th, 2004

11:40 am
i loved writing this summer but lately i havent been in the mood or had the time. with the stress of never being home and going to a small school where everyone knows everyone elses life, it has put a very intresting beginning to a very weird year. i rarely talk to my mom and all my friends can seem to talk about is which boy they schould choose. that sucks. i now call sara and rebecca my hot friends b/c boys like them and i guess this is stupid but it is how i feel i am not at allmad at them it is not liek they are doing snything wrong it is just hard to be the one who doesnt date and knowing why in general boys are not attracted to me. i sepnd so many nights just wanting to cry and just not wanting to. in addition to that a lot of people havew been making fun of my laugh it has brought me to a point i just do not want to laugh anymore. I dont know it is j8ust hard.

on a good not i am getting to do drama at church and that makes me so excited. i love acting and a huge part of my heart thinks that i might would like (i know that makes little sense) to go into theater. the first time in like 9 yrs. i have reconcered what i would like to be. who would of thought it.

September 8th, 2004

01:08 am
i am so tired of being tired. more later

September 2nd, 2004

08:59 pm - i missed you journal
so over the past few days i learned something pretty amazing. it has come to my attention that as a Christian it is selfish to have a bad day. bad things happen yes agree and i know but. i have learned also to use rom. 8:28-29 as a way to live my life. Gode truely does work everyhting for the good of those who love him. Bad things happen all the time but how i choose to reacy to them deterimens what kind of person I am. So, now i am declaring i will not have anymore bad days. because my God is to amazing.

P.s. the guys in my class rock
Current Mood:

bouncy
Current Music: jazz

August 21st, 2004

10:30 pm
my comp. sucks it dies all the time. So here i am at rebecca's as she sleps and i try to write. I have been so overwhelmed lately it is kinda funny . The other week i had a conversation about how some people just love drama. I pray that I don not come off as one of those peopele. I am so blessed and so thankful for what has been going o in my life. Even those really good friends that have been so irratating and all. I hung out with jason on monday I was so greatful for it. He shoes me so much all the time I truly look up to him.

i have been wondering lately if it is wrong to have expectations of people? If they do't even know the expectation then is it okay to be dissapointed? I just am so confused. Should we always express our expecations? then i s it okay to be hurt when the expectation has been failed? I have probably made no sense it is just in a few different instanses with a few different people my expectations have been failed, leaveing me feeling hurt.

School starts in two days. Not exactly sure how I feel.

It is gonna be really great having Bobby this year he has already shown me so much and I am so blessed by him. Even if school sucks it will be a good year

August 14th, 2004

04:08 pm
Sorry journal I have been such a jerk lately. I have just been in such a bad mood you probably would not have wanted to hear from me. This past weekend an old relationship that I thought was in the past well he contacted me and that completely threw me off. Then all this Bobby stuff with him staying for good has kinda overwhelmed me. I am just afraid that since me and Jason have been so distant already this will cause bigger problems for me. All me and my brother do is argue, probably b/c I am so angry about other things that I am more short than I would usally be.

Other news the boy finally called that made me so happy we plan on hangin.I get to get on scheduale(sp) on wendesdayand have my first ministry training meeting and me and mard adam are gonna have out then Zeb and his friend Levi are coming to chirch that makes me so happy.

well gotta get ready. Have to go to my church to babysit
Current Mood:

blank
Current Music: crickets

12:40 am - BlogSwap4: Freedom

There is a misconception about Christianity whereby non-Christians seem to think that Christians live their lives burdened by myriads of unfair and outdated rules. Though some of these rules are perceived to be admirable and praiseworthy, many others, they think, are simply burdensome and unnecessary. Few would argue that the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” is a bad one. But when it comes to the commandments regarding adultery and sexual relations people no longer consider them praiseworthy. Many people look at Christians and scoff that we would allow ourselves to be ruled by Biblical precepts which demand that sex is to be enjoyed only by a husband and wife within a marriage relationship. I would like to take just a short time to look at the relationship of rules to freedom.

America is a nation of freedom. Why is it that this nation is the “land of the free?” Quite simply, it is because the country is governed by a set of laws that guarantee freedom. America is not a nation that is unburdened by rules. Rather, it is a nation bound by strict rules which protect its citizen’s rights and freedoms. Consider a nation that had absolutely no laws; no governance; no constitution. Would that be a land where people would have true freedom? No! There would be terrible chaos and bloodshed and that nation would undoubtedly be a terrible place to live.

I am a Web designer by trade, and as such I need to be able to create. To be a successful Web designer and to create Web sites that are functional and attractive I need to operate within a set of rules. There is a governing body, the World Wide Web Consortium www.w3.org that oversees standards and governance for the Internet. These standards guarantee that every Web page that adheres to them will be visible by every Internet user. They ensure that a novice computer user operating a 4-year old computer will see a Web site identically to an expert using a brand-new computer.

For example, the rules dictate that every Web page needs to have a piece of code at the beginning that looks like this:

<body>

That small piece of code tells a Web browser that everything after that tag is HTML code (HTML is the programming language Web pages are written in) and should be displayed as such. Without that piece of code, the page would display only as a list of programming code. Similarly, at the end of the document there must be a piece of code that looks like this:

</body>

That “tag” tells the browser that the page has completed. Anything beyond that code will not be displayed in HTML formatting. There are hundreds of similar rules governing HTML coding. As a designer, I have the freedom to ignore those standards and write a Web page however I see fit. The problem, though, is that ignoring the rules will lead to any number of problems. The page may be formatted in a way that makes it very difficult to read. It may display as a combination of properly-formatted text and HTML code. It is even possible that the Web page will not display in any Web browser.

Imagine the headaches if every designer designed his sites to a different set of standards. One designer might create his sites to work only with a specific browser while another might make his work only if a computer is of a certain speed. Needless to say, browsing Web pages would be, at best, burdensome, and in many cases, impossible.

The alternative to operating outside the rules is to create Web pages within the necessary boundaries. When I learn of the rules and operate within the framework of those rules, I have total freedom to create a site that is functional, artistic and useful. I do not think anyone would consider that to be burdensome! On the contrary, it is necessary to have the Internet function with some semblance of order.

The analogy should be clear. God does not give us a list of rules so we can suffer and practice self-denial. God provides rules so that we can live within a good and necessary framework. Within this framework we can find true freedom to live as we were created to live. We see that rules and freedom are not mutually exclusive. As a matter of fact, the opposite is true. Rules provide freedom.

Check out Tim's blog at Challies Dot Com. Reading satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!

August 2nd, 2004

03:21 pm
YES

I am so excited. Bobby is staying. I can not wait till he comes back from his aprents and he will be with us for at least the school year. I just cant express the joy I am feeling. When we thought he was leaving it was like lossing a piece of myself. Now I feel a little more comlete.

Well thats all for now. And oh yeah Toby is the best
Current Mood:

ecstatic

July 31st, 2004

03:08 pm - HOME
I need to make this short.

I am so tired i have been going going for so long. a week at rtebecca's a week at camp. I get to be home for at least a few days. I had a really hard past weeks but at least I now understand why. It is kinda stupid but I have been feeling neglected(sp). I will explain more some other time. anyways camp was so great made some new friends got to help in two baptizims. i just had a really good time.

Well on to other stuff. I would feel so much better if that guy would calll me because I just dont think it would be very smart for me to call again I do not want to push a relationship of any kind if he does not want one. well we shall see.
Current Mood:

exhausted
Current Music: the T.v.

July 22nd, 2004

10:36 pm - I AM SO TIRED
I wish that there where days i could step out of my life, just leave. Right now I have so many issues that I am trying to work through. I am learning what love truely is. I am in dier need of a good friend one i trust with it all. One who wont freak out or try to fix my crazy life. People see me and the lack of stability that I am and feel like that need to come in amd fix me. What people have a hard time understanding is that not being home is peobably one of the best things in my life. It shows me so much it helps me.

Anyways, I have such a desire to know my father but most of the time it just feels so impossible. It is kinda weird because we live to together and he takes me to school most days but I do not know him. I have no idea about his walk with Christ or anything of that sort. If you know me farely well you know that these past few years with him have been kinda bumpy and just a little strange. I just always want him to know how muvh I love hime how I desire to know him for him to know me for us to know God together. It breaks my heart to say that I dont know my dad and he does not know me and in a year I will be leaving for a school that is eight hours away. I dont think I can fully express the emotions that are all racing through my mind. Well anyways I think what I truely desire is a friendone i can express all this to with no fear.

In other news I saw matt T yesterday that was kinda nice. I have a wedding to go to on saturday and I leave for camp on monday. well this is life and this is me. take me or leave me. I desire change in my life i desire for God to mold me in amazing ways who knows what tomorrow may bring. better yet who knows what today already has.
Current Mood:

exhausted
Current Music: the dogs barking

July 20th, 2004

10:34 pm
So, it has been awhile and I am sorry. First of all I am an idiot. I forgot to explain that a blogswap is when paople all decied to get to teghter and decied a topic to write about and then switch there entries to bring new people to their site and get different insights in life.

Anyways life has been crazy hectic lately. My really good friend told me that his uncle had cancerand that hit me hard because his uncle is someone I care about so much. So that has broght on a lot of tears. Thursday was good hung at home all day went to my churches VBS that night then went to Red Robin with a lot of people. Then Stephen took me homethat really made me happy we had a really good talk. Friday I got really really sick from a spider bite. Wernt to rebecca D. talked to jakob for like two hours and oh yeah I went to cracker barrel with toby and bobby. Then saturday I went to six flagas and rode three rides then went to a ffh andsteven curtis chapman concert. came sunday slept almost all day then went tochurch then red robin that night. monday i babysat then went to Bueno with kyle and rebecca ran into Lyndsy Allem tlked with her for a while then went bak to rebecca I's jouse and tj came over and so did tyler. then tyler tj and I went to Kyle's and Jessica came over. I had a blast. Then today I babysat and then adam and sra came to rebacce and ate dinner. then kyle came and me sara and kyle went out before kyle leaves to go out of toen tomorrow. so over all it has been a good week.

p.s. yes I do go out to eat a lot.
Current Mood:

giggly
Current Music: country

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July 16th, 2004

02:02 am - BlogSwap 2: Tough Truths
I was raised in a Christian home, but spent a good twenty years of my adult life studying all kinds of other religions and approaches to spirituality. I guess I just needed to look around, and see what was there, before embracing the religion into which I was born. Once I renewed my faith, it felt like coming home - and of course, that's what it was.

The thing about the "alternative" religions, more specifically what I call the "NewAge crystal crunchers," ;>) is that terrible, unforgiving and compassionless nature of the concept of karma. It boils down to, "The Universe is gonna get you, no matter what you do." The result of this (that I saw) was that people were fearful and uncertain about the basic actions of daily life. They often become excessively self-involved, even paranoid, and found themselves "locked in" to a relationship with a teacher or advisor.

It is an odd conundrum. Most people get into these things looking for the easy way to God, and often use terms like "spiritual seeker," to describe themselves, thinking there's something cool or new about finding the way to the Lord. If you look carefully at most of these do-it-yourself religions, you find there's nothing there. They are often personality cults; groups of people looking for clarity and reason in their lives, when they stumble across a man or woman who is prepared to swear they have all the answers.

A couple of these I encountered were based on nothing more than science fiction novels.

Yet they are major business concerns today, taking in millions of dollars each year. I subscribed to the materials for one of them, and found the monthly exercises were nothing but a cobbled-together mass of references to already-established Eastern religions, and obscure Christian writers, carefully edited with a change of name here and there to suggest the current guru came up with the idea himself.

There is no spirituality there, or religion. It's just business.

People are reaching out, often in desperation, these days, to find a way to return to God. I used to run a discussion group, in pre-Internet days, where we descended on a local bookstore and talked about everything from alternative medicine to UFOs. Sometimes we'd have 100 people show up. One of the best-received presentations was one done by a local Episcopalian minister, where he talked about the life and times of Jesus Christ. I hope a lot of people went to his church the following Sunday, because his message was so much one of comfort and yes, clarity and reason.

I ran that group for five years, and that time I found myself thanking the Lord for Tom Phillips. I'd had a few people approach me with the idea I'd be their guru, and always refused. After that, I had someone to send them to.

;>)

That is the tough truth. You can study for years and spend all your money on books, seminars, and other things, you can call yourself a seeker or pioneer, but the bottom line is that the simplicity and safety of Christianity is the genuine way. It's not fancy or exotic; but there is incredible power, I've found, in the little local church I attend. We have a simple service, some prayer and maybe a song or two, and then I come out of it with a feeling of peace, and no uncertainty whatsoever.

I'm now in the fortunate position of having a Doctor of Divinity, Rev. Laughlin Mackay direct me in a formal course of Bible study. His wife, Rev. Trudy Mackay, writes all of the material for The God Blog. Nothing complicated or obscure there, either.

So often the NewAgers mention freedom - but how much more free can you be than being able to stop for a moment anywhere at any time and say, "Thank You, Lord!" No worries about not having the right incense or candles, or not facing the right direction, or doing the ritual at the right time. Bah, humbug.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ, accepts us as we are.

Visit my blog: http://www.thegodblog.com

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