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[Jul. 25th, 2008|12:43 pm] |
Just your left hand this time. I'm feeling nice today.
/No, no./ she said, trembling, eyes rabbit caught unawares, red and white around the edges of her pupils, pupils swallowing any predetermined color. So beautiful, so scared, rank bitter sweat, underneath it softness, hardness, knowledge; musk. You thought you came here for somewhat else...I know, sweetheart, I know how unhappy you must be. So I will be kind, and only keep your left hand. This time.
/No, no! Please. Don't. Anything./
Ah, you'd rather lose the right one, then? Still be able to give that boyfriend of yours a handjob in the car. More sympathy from other people, harder to return to your life.
/I--/
I think not. I think, this time, the left. Or maybe... maybe, ah, such slender fingers, sweetheart. Maybe just all four, and let you keep that stodgy little thumb... That boyfriend of yours might like that, wouldn't he now?
Still trembling but the acid takes effect this has become a bad dream never use ketamine no they fall asleep for the good parts, soon, this will shift, soon, pretty colors, offset this grand guignol...Not til the shifting starts, will the blades come out, no, ah, the blood so pretty when seen through time...
Yes... four fingers... yes... Tastier that way, mi'darling... |
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| Something that wants to be in progress and is not connecting to itself, even yet. I've no idea... |
[May. 6th, 2008|01:05 pm] |
Rough from the road, walking in as if you own the place, maybe you do, maybe you're persona non grata now but you owned, in one figure of speech or another, this place in some not-so-distant past...
Maybe, maybe. Memories and questions aren't for this hand. Hence long back dirt roads, the spines of range and treeline rising in the distance. Miles from anywhere the venom might concentrate, and yet, you feel it, distant under-currents thrumming.
Damn it to hell. Kicking gravel with one well-worn toe, you reflect on this place, scummy little bar really in the middle of nowhere, but not so much, the edges of another city reach out, they always do, always encroaching, greedy, hungry, nasty fucking tendrils. Sure an' life breeds spread, but this? This, this shit's like some crackho well past her prime legs spread in the doorway of the worst roach motel plus some you ever fuckin' saw and this shit's, this shit's...Nasty. You'd touch her first, you'd touch her with open wounds on y' and no cover whatsoever before you'd willingly take on the backwaters, the boardrooms, toxic breath and waste and sprawl, this encroaching minutiae of the humanity that so misrepresents everything around you, about y'.
Right, fuckit. Enough goddamn thought, just like them, always, can't escape the rat hole, let's have a drink. |
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[Apr. 24th, 2008|12:54 pm] |
Triple sour joke & irony.
Gin threaded across paths now bombed; shards
salt, tears, blood, torn are foundations, torn out the poison
finally
&
also |
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[Mar. 21st, 2008|03:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
so i bred the unforgiven
Ah, culmination. Comprehension. Great & terrible a
conclusion
Black; bare
Irony; hysterical. Truth at last... but in what forms,
how much, how fast
What will be lost? Doors unlooked for...
Commanded; you will see. You have seen. All that
you know; you are now
Told
Full moon; vernal equinox
To be told
True warp of a plane; mindfuck. Uncertain. hey
you're a crazy bitch
Uncertain. Hope this will not become
what it could --- A desperate, rain-salted
Thirst. Unslaked. Sure, & she's
Tasted these wells
No footprints walking away from these sands;
this mirage done dried eons ago,
as was her innocence,
each & every shopworn reply,
each & every thought -Afoot. Oh, this, this -
Art
bane
Eve's skills, inherent, long practiced.
Not this game.
She never, never held so much
as a chunk of fruit,
not her,
a quick slap in the dark,
faceless & to feed - An emptiness? An emotion? A fetish?
So why then, this. Perceived
Thorough
paradigm shift? |
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[Mar. 12th, 2008|10:05 am] |
breathe
& recalibrate: With luck,
with time
(luck? Kid, you threw
THAT dart
a long time past
into regions better never seen)
...fantasies
diminish
(you want that
you know you should)
return to that land;
land of the honest,
land of the waking
Hungry. Ever unsatisfied
Ah,
but worth it
in this currency of shadows?
Guilt and blood lust war.
Too far gone.
Beyond,
a place
she swore she'd never revisit
even as her lips
tasted sure valleys, fallow plain
ridges in moonlight
stretching wideways across a heart
So many times now,
these paths been trod
One can see them
in the dark
silver wheat tread to follow,
come here,
rejoin the damned. |
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[Jan. 9th, 2008|09:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
we join the dancer now,
back stage.
tired and aching from emotional surf waves
turned time after into
translation: physical exhaustion; beat down; germs slip in
grey matter on the rocks: slow & cold
twisted theory
Time to shelve the books again. Titles never opened, just
Seized, in a flurry of excited
Hope that this time there might be a this time to see clear
Not that anything in particular has gone wrong,
gone different even,
perhaps we see more in stark relief. The lines & parables
//situational existence\\ are blacker;
more ink drawn down the sky.
Funny ironic. Sex becomes leaving; staying; going; taking; pure
physical and letting go
weight; sharp bright sky! intended pain
as if to rend the stars apart, as if...
As if to find by wrecking
a veil that never is to be. No subtle meanings, this
bar room dance floor,
covered in glass & whiskey,
Balm and fodder for her soul
for her cunt
De-activate the brain
hold on to him so tightly
Events pass in shadowbox
wondering at meaning is not allowed in here,
there is none, and was none,
but that the circle came closed,
and you'd do it again,
again,
again,
but for time, and other small problems. And would you,
wolf girl, be
Happy with that?
quite possibly?
Maybe?
Such things are not ours to know; the wheel does not spin out of focus
[Focus]
so far; not now
she sits confused
a'baffled
knowing only there are holes |
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[Jan. 7th, 2008|04:53 pm] |
and on
and on
and on
some days puddles; contemplating
floating in dementia
but that's too easy,
& not very constructive
some days feathers; fingers on skin
both hands cinched in her hair; rudder steer a brief
supernovae orgasm to dimn potential grey silk
poignant; loves & journies
footprints straggling across a darklit sky |
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[Jan. 4th, 2008|04:16 pm] |
cities rise before me then behind me fall again
Even numbers, skies round. Rough edges her glamours,
leaving red raised welts on untanned places.
Charcoal ; stoned deities. Absence of clothing & rumbled English.
She tries not to let on what she wants, not to the extent she
Might
because after all what is nature? If all were to hold you close,
that'd be enough,
Is it enough to transcend miles? Not without substantiation. This is not some
fluff-brained fancy; she knows all too well the reality
Things do not change. Keep pedaling. Go through
the motions. Date. Laugh. Cry.
Forget nothing, and love as hard as you can |
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[Jan. 3rd, 2008|03:04 pm] |
you were
Forbidden, years ago. Through circumstance & sense,
(only warm rain, but oh, what warm ...rain?)
so much more of a story to tell that way!
Remembered: breakwaters,
introduction to a Capricorn girl
(with whom in the orchard i spoke of time spherical and other certain things)
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.
rain! cold! swimming in jeans velvet dress tank "ari, that's gone transparent"
whipsnap fast red metal truckstops coffee
coffee
coffee
(rum?)
But we don't dwell in memories, Children. They merely make us
What we are
And fear obliterates her yen to see; could anything ever happen?
Time has a funny way of saying yes...
ground base home center
truth friend
truth child
truth skins warm and holding hips in the evening
Does she even need watch her feet,
to know this dance? |
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[Dec. 21st, 2007|03:35 pm] |
shades of May slip through the corners,
tainted by memory of winter not so warm
Old blood,
new tastes
Spit sign appears across the road,
where ravens sometimes perch
This ground
unsettled & in nature poisonous, no matter
how many years she has
how many souls it detains, drinking slowly
for all the time in the world lies here
And stagnant
Dallas does not welcome change. These currents slow but pulling,
water fire girl smiles
Occasionally, someone
walks across her path |
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[Nov. 30th, 2007|08:05 am] |
she tells the hours
not so, some times
heart beats could be slower taking time from breath
from thought?
every quiet second
other than the next
thoughts; coming sans reason now... how much milk
from a dry cow
how much milk
can come, this desert
of now almost a fortnight passed?
imagination? gut says no.
/patience a refrain needed
\so hard, too to find
cat here waits
productive; quiet in the shadows
will any come to meet her? promises no malice |
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| sat/tel\lite |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|08:10 am] |
it is generally not a good idea
to bleed all over the floor.
men tal
dis sim mill ation
regroup
there is no regrouping
A sane man might say
there is nothing to regroup from
no? but twisted wits; reality for a wee minute
evening
miniscule; poignant: squared sliced passed time
No,
there is nothing to ...regroup from
instinct wit speaks differently. stop behaving as if your brain went
out the window?
don't need to know one sure ground
but
again, we return to blood on the floor (dye)
to ratio nale
shopping malls in december
& maybe, just maybe,
reason desire
to be told stories yet? |
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[Nov. 26th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
heart racing; breath painful
no more buttered raisins
sky closes in: can you run?
exes and oh's
don't let this be the first time: don't let this be the last
do i know you from before? will i see you again? and when?
i'd like to...
just ments in arrears
some cog's skewed; waiting
impatiently : out of order? |
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[Nov. 23rd, 2007|09:31 am] |
and as if shaking off cob web spans & ennui-sleep,
words emerge. blissful in their long lost death,
Death blinks as the dust sloughs off
these talents and eyes may yet see time |
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| bee: bonnet |
[Nov. 23rd, 2007|08:55 am] |
the story weaves on
how certain are you that you want this
how certain sure can she be?
new! and completely irrational
unadmitted
sortakinda
maybe
well, not to one girl, who knows her better than the rest
(speaking of that one girl, it might even entirely be her fault)
oh, well...
what is patience? a blue leather mist
softly, sticking
rubber, color, grey & black & red & life...
as she bleeds the voices clearer come,
that is not supposed to be how seeing is
damiana, mandrake, blessed thistle, angelica, kava, mugwort
a blend to calm the waves
see the dreams
maybe even ask a question,
but in tandem with looking
outward, before, inside
'r
drives never lie quiet & sleep comes hard
unconscious ocean salt warm; girl
no
click, man, no fathom, how to explain she
thinks
sees
wisdom, time
laughter? in group so do we mingle
that does not calm the demons when you sleep alone
>>>scorpio girl<<<
always cursed; blessing
to detach from sexual nature? is that possible
black velvet kahlua wondering |
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| >>inside your hands<< |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|09:14 pm] |
time it feels forever
but forever is a not
Of plum wine
lips long gone. On your face, I see minutiae
overwhelming this clarity.
Time ago,
though ever else balance upset
I was
the focus. The Focus?
Ah! Funny! Hedgehog girl made a funny!
(inside her mind)
Fall again whispering in. Long salt roads
old blank days
twilight, met with jasper
You forget how the silver
long not worn
heightens awareness. Oh, to- These charms all wrong, she no good at
admitting
even to self, inside & under
down
(fleur de lis)
warm?
That, so old a desire
older a dream
Rejected from childhood. That will not be something ever I want.
Over a year on one hand
under a bridge a't'other... Last October she went home
& found some thing
she did never want to return to. Adding scales onto weights
times, plasma, fish, yeast, mushrooms
Blood fire
Earth stubborn
She does not want to grow painful teeth. But
So long this wait, minds spun out, across aegis chasms,
where are you?
Bitter selfish as it sounds
bites
cuts
She thought...
Kilkelly
slipping away; one home; girl; mine
Enough
but in time sense
Wondering. Do you sell yourself too cheap? No one keeps a
battered whore
As much as she might enjoy fleeting ice capacity & magnets
No; this the fall speaking. This the memory guilt grief (and what was taken, admit it though she don't, still hurts). No one
really
Wants to keep a wounded kitten. Cat; grown now, discerning in choice
o'dancing attendants(s)
Again so quiet whispered dark nights
I know I can hold
(want to hold)
will she ever be held? Sudden the dark bite; this is madness talking, do
not let it out,
show it,
the world your teeth
your teeth the world. No sense being nice,
no sense hiding wounds,
Easier to...
Easier to ignore,
plaque does build up after awhile
neglect in this sweet guise of
informality
Better yet
deeper quiet
Call it good
maybe,
someday,
she'll be good
Not good enough. This is more than; there is belief and certainty. Though not all dark days so easily explained superficial
Pretend child
no brain
no mind
the blond
Spend nights staring out the window
Knowing you are getting older
and there is no road that will want you |
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| ii |
[Jul. 13th, 2007|04:49 pm] |
& on
& on
gathering
out& on &
over the hills 2 far away
yes i'll be your
vessel
but i'm not here tomorrow
oh
a ripple. pain, sad
disguised. so fast he knows
her facets
nevermind
that's ok
ozone heavy green grey air
pressure increasing
metal; somewhere far away
lowered
into
earth
the dead now all
square holes en ground
bent double; denial
acceptance
mix; her emotions
not hers
channelling
even these inborn skills are shaky
so focused; a long wire
of souls
frequencies... pure get,
no future
(draw in closer or
keep steady & on)
discernable. The gods, wry to a one,
smile. You know what you got.
No more,
no less: Sight
not prediction
no sure words
& no influence.
But i-
No. |
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[Jul. 13th, 2007|04:44 pm] |
only
to
hold
Wait, now, watch, be
there, here, stand by
This a choice. This
asked for never; this all &
only her instinct. Even that uncertain,
for after all,
in his language
I'll be out-of-touch
for a while Might mean never,
Might be a year, but- Some
un certain surety. Perhaps in part latent
mis-placed guilt? Perhaps belief,
Or communication. Funny, were it that. so
Might be a next week
& he'll cry
only
to
hold
Not to her
off the face
of the earth
with no warning
In recompense
She will wait- ha! As if she could
over ride
this vein,
this knowledge sans reason,
basalt deep & solid
jasper lanced through sand.
And, so.
Keep this vigil, if only one
candle
rosary
smudging
circle
reading
prayer a day... She goes
through other motions. Keep
what little you can give,
priestess blood
albeit dilute
Stark bas-relief
stigmata of bones: She loves him
For this, if naught else,
reconciled & prayer
to a man she never knew
but fathered one she does |
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| dated 7/11/7 sometime between 2:40 and 4:04 |
[Jul. 12th, 2007|03:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
what do you say when you-
i cannot own this grief
it is not mine
Please
out-logic the empath
i knew
something cold came on the breeze
...but just
not this
& deeper sure; it's not all over
& that
nothing can be done about
premonition
precognition
substantiating, giving birth to
giving breath to
she, holding scythe & sickle moon
Child
i told you you'd not like
this pattern
But insistent a request
for never no blindfold
& now to keep
a vigil
a candle
a fast
of fancy & of trust
They will ask;
what good therein?
NO answer. Save
whispering box hedge
-there are no fall trees now-
No answer; for my
own surety reckoned crazy.
Feed the animals.
Wine, blood, ashes
red lacquer
& but for
pastel dragon ships
(fire marengo)
the seers
can only
must only
Watch this play,
this bitter stage
And little sense? Again
voices will be heard
those around you:
this is not your battle
this is not your grief
Oh, yes
for tis
I go beyond sense
to where knowledge &
ice reconcile
the 3 shrews do not even
blink, to stop their weaving
they know me
as I force my eyes to open
another day soon
another spate of breathing
Only priestess marked
when i proved too strong for death
That is why i overcame
Only this the path
i was given
The gods love bitter
irony.
She can see! And never
to do a thing about it
except offer open arms
every man need someone to return to
seals post oil spill
this ice
hell & heaven
WHAT!! Do you want me
to dampen the dreams? THIS
Only an
--The avenue I could not see
No, she will not
cut her hair & burn it.
that a pretense to share own
In nothing named hers
Red & black comingle
remember; for so long you cried! At
their absence
beneath swirling skies now,
wet salt bloom |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2007|12:11 pm] |
too early yet
for aftermath, really. As much as one can say,
while not saying,
This is it
you idiot
"there are other people trying to sleep here".
I guess I should laugh.
Me; fool. Ten times more... thinking
if I were replaced,
i'd be notified.
Was
going on a year
nothing's perfect
but that was a really shitty way to tell someone goodbye |
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