Yet to be named baby boy was born yesterday morning 4th of June at 5.28am after about 4-5 hours fast intense labour.

He would have been born at home unassisted, but one of my support people called an ambulance because the backup midwife told her too (she was on the phone, my midwife was off that night cos she was on a study day) and they took me to North Shore hospital (somewhere I never wanted to go again in my life)... only good thing about that is I got to use the gas lol
1 hour 15 minutes later I pushed my little man into the world doubting myself right until the moment I picked him up off the bed :D:D
I wasnt scared at all, except for a small patch where I discovered blood on my hand and stressed briefly over it but in hindsight it was just normal stuff :D
Only a couple of grazes, and a tiny tear (that they said needed 1-2 stitches but I refused)
I ate a piece of placenta, and it seems to have helped my bleeding is not that heavy at all, and is turning more mucousy, my periods are heavier.

I stayed at the hospital for yesterday and last night so I could get some sleep and am now home!

He weighs 4.190kg, 52cm long, 34cm head and looks like a smaller rounder faced version of Aston :)
He was born 2 days after his due date!

Everyone at the hospital was facinated by our lotus birth, and asked tons of questions, I also felt awesome speaking with a student midwife about my VBA2C, lotus birth, eating placenta and all the weird ass hippy stuff that I did lol

The biggest thanks to Pierre for standing up for me to the ambulance driver, for being there for me nearly the whole time, kissing me, hugging me and telling me that I could do it even when I said I didnt think I could.
Sadly he missed seeing his son being born as he went downstairs to change Astons bum :(

Thank you to my two other wonderful children who behaved so well in the delivery room and were a big part of there baby brothers arrival.

Thank you so so much to Lou and Jax for rubbing my back and telling me how wonderful and amazing I was and that I could do it.

~ Spinal Anaesthesia (mainly because for me an epi is too patchy)

~ Catheter after Spinal

~ I want to talk to my baby as you are removing him/her, the first voices I want my baby to hear is mine.

~ Sex not to be announced, the screen to be lowered and baby shown to me so I can see for myself.

~ No morphine - Morphine made me drowsy and I want to remember, first seeing my baby, and first breastfeed. If possible I would like something for nausea before I get it.

~ I want to wear my own clothes (I wore my own tshirt into surgery, it didnt matter too me if it got bloody, it made it less medical and didnt get dirty at all)

~ Lotus Birth, placenta to be left attached to the baby. This is a religious requirement. I can provide information about what this entails if necessary.

~ Sutures, not staples, double layer closure.

~ I DO NOT CONSENT to a hysterectomy!

~ Pethidine PCA, to be hooked up and explained to me, but will start to use once in my room, not while in recovery as the first couple of hours are important bonding time.

~ If baby and placenta need to be separated for medical reasons, umbilical cord to be left long so I may cut it myself in recovery/my room

~ Baby to be left covered in goop and not dressed. We can provide blankets, a hat etc to prevent baby getting cold. Prefer support person to have skin to skin with baby if I am unable too.

~ No nappy to be put on baby until I am in my own room and settled

~ Baby to be given straight to my support person and no checks to be performed until breastfeeding is established and I am settled in my room. This includes weighing and measuring etc (apgars can/are performed visually as soon as baby is born)

~ Baby to be brought straight to me, and I want to breastfeed on the table, my support person will help me with this

~ If I am given prophylactic antibiotics for infection I require something via IV for thrush

~ If blood loss is more than 1000cc I would like a blood transfusion to be considered

~ No injections, blood sugar checks (if required) until after breastfeeding is established and I am comfortable in my room

~ My support person is to stay with the baby at all times, if resuscitation or NICU is required my support person is to stay with the baby and nothing is to be performed without both of our informed consent

~ Breast only, no formula, sugar water

~ I wish to continue breastfeeding/holding my baby while being taken from recovery to my room.

~ If I have a single room, I would like my support person to stay with me the first night.

~ Placenta to be kept and I would like to see it once in my room, and the different parts shown to me

Thankfully the pox are on there way out, no new ones in a few days and havent needed to give Pamol or Phenergan for 2 days as his temp has stayed down! He is nearly 100% back to his normal self, although he is now back to waking a few times at night, as he is thirsty :( We need to take him to our GP in about a week or so to get a repeat of his bloods done as one of his levels were elevated, but everything should be ok with that as all the other ones were all within normal ranges.
He is going to have a few scars but they are all looking way less Angry than they were before thank goodness!

Aston has the pox, his case is a lot worse than Amalias was, his face, head and nappy area are covered, and his temp has been consistantly high. Yesterday when I was at my grandmas, I felt his temp go up, so gave him some more pamol and headed home (less than 15 mins away) when we got home Aston had been sick in the car seat and was shivering (he was wearing an all in one and singlet) so I knew his temp was up. Got inside and started running the bath, stripped him off and checked his temp which was 39.1 under his arm. Put Aston in the bath, called P and told him he should come home cos his temp was so high and rang Lou to ask what a scary temp was cos I couldnt remember.
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:(
Heath ledger was found dead this morning :( I am quite sad for his poor daughter she is only 2 :(

Heaps of shitty birth stuff going on at the moment, a normal birth seems to be an impossibility at the moment as I cant actually get anyone to take me on at all :(

On the plus side, P and I bought our engagement rings, his should be in the shop by the end of next week, and mine is a couple of months off as they need to order it from Canada. Its about time considering we have been engaged for a year and a half, the rings have just made it seem a bit more real. Its going to be a good year or so before we get married though, as once this baby is born there is a limbo period of about 2 months and then start losing weight and organising things as I soooo dont want to be the size of a bus on my wedding day!

Argh! I need to stay away from birth and breastfeeding threads, it puts my mind into a mega tailspin again :( I hate PTSD!

I am so over exclusive secret fucking internet forums!!

Feel free to skip this, it is more for my records. This is a post I wrote to someone who is facing the possibility of a c-section and is mourning the loss of a homebirth, a natural birth and control of her birth.
Although I would never ever schedule a c-section and had not planned a c-section with Aston I had made a just incase plan, and am very grateful for such. I can say although I hate the fact that I had yet another c-section, that Astons actual birth for what it was, was positive. Infact I even said to him in the recovery room that I would have another baby even if it meant another c-section. OK so the idea of having another baby and having a c-section is a disgusting thought but hey what will be will be, and im not scared of that anymore... I am more terrified of never being able to carry another baby, or have another child.
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"We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious.

Not in a bad way, but in a 'Wow! I wish I had that person's hair/eyes/money/relationship/toenails/whatever' way.

You can do it anon if you like (lol implying there is anything to be envious of)

So tell me what about me makes you envy me. . . then if you feel like it, post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you."

Ive made it 3 years who would have guessed it. Happy birthday Amalia!

I was readmitted to hospital 3 days after I got home, with a huge blood clot between my bladder and my uterus, as well as a large infection mainly on the right hand side of my lower abdomen (although it had spread all across under my belly button and to my left side), which required me to have 2 blood transfusions and surgery under general anaesthetic. I spent another 8 days in hospital... Ive been pretty sick, was apparently close to getting septecemia and had a haemoglobin level half of what it should have been :S

Trust me when I say I am never ever doing this again!!

They recon this is one of the possible complications of c-sections... but really the only reason they tried to give was that my attempt at a homebirth after a c-section, especially one where my waters had been broken for 3 days prior to labour etc etc and all the other B/S they have tried to say to me, was the cause!
They are trying to go after my midwife for not making me go to hospital earlier, they are trying to blame her for my infection because apparently she should have been psychic and picked it up even when I wasnt feeling sick prior to going into the emergency department, as well as the fact that I wasnt running a temp or showing any other signs other than the pain which I attributed to the fact that I was exhausted, the unplanned section and overdoing it with a toddler, a newborn and a house to look after....
They have concerns about the quality of my care!! I dont even know where to start with that one :@:@:@:@

No birth story, been way too sick and drugged to think straight.

Still not happy with it! All I can say is I let myself down, I panicked and freaked out and every single fear everyone else threw at me during my pregnancy was all I could see. 3 day posterior labour with my waters broken, many hours at home pushing and then freaking and going to the hospital where I was on there regulation, you are only allowed too push for 2 hours, but really we are giving you and hour and youre a naive child who needs to do what she is told schedule... I dont know what to think or what to believe, maybe I was rupturing by the time I got into surgery, fucked if I know... all I know is any thoughts of having another baby is gone and I honestly wish I hadnt even been stupid enough to think this time would have been different. I have lost 2 weeks of my childrens lives, my relationship with Amalia is pretty non existant and I dont want to do this!! My scar is fucking disgusting and I am the only person to blame this time. You know I feel bad when I dont even want to breastfeed! and I swear if one other person tells me that I have PPD and that I need to be medicated I will fucking smack them one... NOONE who has been through what I have in the last 2 weeks could get through this without feeling like shit, I dont need anymore drugs to 'save me'

I appologise for being such a drama whore, I made the mistake of posting on day 2-3 hormone day where I was already feeling postal. Not much better now, but will get there, have Pierre who is being beyond awesome... I just cant wait to not hurt physically again and actually be able to leave the house so I can get some normal back to decrease the dwelling and beating myself up!

Introducing Aston David Demetrius
Born March Tuesday 6th 3am by C-section at 40 weeks 3 days :)
He weighed 4.68kg was 55.5cm long (Amalia was 4730, and 54cm)

We are besotted! His sister and Dad are over the moon!
Hes a huuuuge boob man and had been cloth butted since birth :D



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This is definitely something that can ever be fixed... Going away from updating for awhile, will still read and try to comment but I appologise if I cant!

This fucking sucks whos dumb idea was it to do this again!!!!

I just want to say I am loving being pregnant.

I am nesting really badly, but it is way to hot to do anything, and anything I do, do is done in 5 minute lots because otherwise I am going to pass out :( Whos dumb idea was it to be pregnant in summer!!!

The good news is we got a big bin and have gotten rid of all the rubbish from the garage and outside, and now the only things left to do is rearrange furniture, scrub my floors, clean the bathroom and vacuum. Oh I also need to hang the hammock and put up the shelf for babies nappies :)

My dreams are beginning to drive me insane... I dont know if I am processing Amalias birth, if I am scared of a repeat of her birth or if I really am dreaming about how this baby is meant to be born.

I believe in my UC with everything I am (at least on a conscious level) but I have dreamt about 2 surgical births of a little girl, not amalia as this baby has dark hair with red higlights and is about 9lbs something. The first dream, the baby was moving around and I could see her feet, then all of a sudden she just burst out of my stomach as if she was born via section, I had her in my arms, patting her back to rid her of any mucous and she was fine... I was alone though, no surgeons or anything else. Then I had a dream that Pierres sister had a little boy, breech (I have had a feeling my baby would be breech though) and she has since found out that her baby is infact a boy. Then my dream yesterday I had a girl (the same girl I think from the first dream) I am sure her actual birth was a normal birth, it was just me once again, but then for some reason we were at hospital, and I was under GA, and had just had a c-section, but I was also in the dream as an outside entity saying that I/she didnt want any testing done on the baby, no injections nothing, that I wanted the placenta left attached (I am planning a lotus birth) and that I wouldnt agree to any of the procedures they were doing.

The first ever baby dream I had, I was squatting, with 2 other woman at my side. I have not been drawn to water like I was with Amalias birth, I do have a feeling that baby was breech as well.
The second dream I had, I was pregnant with triplets, but it wasnt exactly me. I was carrying the babies but I wasnt at the actual testing, or U/S showing the babies. There were 2 girls and a boy. The next day my friend had a girl and 2 weeks later another friend had a boy.
I still cant say for sure if I think this baby is a girl or a boy, I alternate between being certain, and then being totally in the dark, then being certain but of the other gender.

I am utterly confused, while I do feel everything is fine, and UC is the right choice, I know that at the end of the day I ultimately cant control what is meant to happen. I dont want to be naive and think I am invincible, I want to be prepared for all eventualities! I go over in my head what I want to happen if there is a transfer and another c-section is required (which I have no doubt isnt going to happen though) I panic at times about another malpositioned baby (although I have bought a swiss ball instead of sitting in my lazyboy reclining in front of the computer) I am visualising baby in the correct position and talking to it as well. I know everything is fine, I just cant help getting this irrational panics, which I am pretty sure are based on others negativity and my previous (and only) birth experience.

I feel great, way better than Amalias pregnancy, but I am scared that things are just a little to easy if that makes sense.