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Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005, 06:08 pm
Grammar Police
 It has probably been going on forever, but I've only just recently noticed a particularly bizzare grammar misfire where people mis-conjugate a verb after the word "needs." I first recall seeing a friend of mine type online that something "needs cleaned" and the phrase has been causing annoyance in my head ever since, like a little mental loose tooth. I grepped through my irc and instant messaging logs and the particular turn of phrase isn't nearly as rare as I'd have guessed. Somehow I managed to avoid noticing it until recently, but there it is... Here are a handful of quotes I found made by my friends who are not nameless but shall nonetheless remain herein unnamed: "...as in what shit needs turned off."
"this keyboard needs cleaned"
"Well, there was a ditch that needs cleaned out also, but not today"
"bah, that needs resolved then, that makes 2 things I have to write today."
"just wondering who needs whacked with it"
"[the website] needs updated badly"
"The code needs changed anyway"
"yup.. definitely needs renamed then"
"brazil needs kicked in the face"It doesn't even look like some sort of regional malfunction, judging from the mixture of people who have been quoted above. Did I sleep through the day in grammar class where we learned that this was valid, or have I just been asleep at the wheel for the past two decades, not fulfilling my Grammar Police duties? What triggered this rant today, as opposed to any day prior, is that I encountered the weirdness today in writing as part of some legal documents I received. I'm paying out the loan on my car, since the "lease" is up in August and I've decided to keep it. (vroom vroom!). The bank fedexed a bunch of papers to me to be signed and sent back, and this helpful little post-it note was on top:
What. The. Fuck? ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) hackard? gramophone? Am I losing my mind or is this completely ridiculous?
Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
leroy_brown242
I can't say I've used 'needs' like that. But I hear it all the time. I don't think it's proper at all, and doesn't even flow off the tongue very cleanly. My measure for if something is proper is if my dad would give me an evil gralre when I said it. I can feel the glare already. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
nugget
Yeah, the fact that it's more akward to say makes it even more puzzling to me. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:18 pm (UTC)
taral
Elision of "to be". Sucky, but common. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:51 pm (UTC)
nugget
I wonder if it always follows "needs" or if people use it in other combinations. Have you ever heard it in any other form? I want informed! Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 01:36 am (UTC)
taral
Yes. "That wants cleaned." Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
storm_ryder
Wow, how can that not sound wrong when someone thinks, types, or says it, just wow Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:33 pm (UTC)
hackard
Clearly I've led a sheltered life, because I've never run across this one. taral is correct, however; it seems to be an omission of "to be," as in "needs [to be] notarized." Elision is a much classier word, btw. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:33 pm (UTC)
ivo
I think that note needs corrected. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:44 pm (UTC)
gramophone
Bizarrely ridiculous! I've never seen such usage, but it's extemely irritating. Tue, Jul. 12th, 2005 11:59 pm (UTC)
zebe
Completely awful. Better alternatives: - Does not need to be notarized - Does not need notarizing - Do not notarize [this] Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 12:04 am (UTC)
moonwick
Wizard needs food badly. Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 12:10 am (UTC)
nugget
Elf shot the food. Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 04:04 am (UTC)
decibel45
I think we need a grammar correlary to "Never attribute something to malace when stupidity could be the culprit"... I've always ass-u-med that when I saw people doing this they were just being goofy; that's certainly the only reason I've ever done it. But to see it in legal documents... jebus. Someone need to be taken out back and shot for that! ;P Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC)
nugget
Yeah, Petr summed it up well: <PetrDoubt> I see it as intentionally informal and odd-sounding, so seeing in juxtaposition with "notarized" is quite bizarre. :) Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 04:07 am (UTC)
texaspatsfan: The Queen's English?
I'm reading "Mary Queen of Scots", and there are several examples of "needs" used in that way. For example: "Then they must needs hate me!" I think the intent is "Then they must need to hate me"... Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 05:20 am (UTC)
thebig0: double you tee eff
They don't even speak that poorly in Mississippi! Some people need asskicked. Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 05:44 am (UTC)
goulo
I agree such usage seems completely ridiculous. But I don't recall running across it commonly like you seem to be. Curious indeed. Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 02:36 pm (UTC)
stickcow
It can't be right. I'd have to check my grammar books, but I think you can say "needs cleaning" but they're mixing tenses. Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
stickcow
I think that might just annoy me more than "for cheap" Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
vixi
poor brazil! Thu, Jul. 14th, 2005 07:19 am (UTC)
odd97: Yes! Thank you!
I've only run into this from a few people, but it drives me insane when I hear it. Another bizarre word issue that I hear sometimes, and when I started thinking about it heard more is a misuse of the word 'for': "You need to _____ for I can finish my report." I think it sounds more correct to use the words "so that". Can "for" be used that way? Thu, Jul. 14th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
nugget: Re: Yes! Thank you!
I don't think I've ever heard this, but maybe I have. I suspect if I heard someone say this, my ears would just assume they meant "before" which would neatly make it all make sense. Tue, Jul. 26th, 2005 09:49 am (UTC)
(Anonymous): needs corrected
yes, quite odd. don't recall running across that one. if i'd seen it once, perhaps twice from the same soul, i'd figure just lazy. typical omission from someone who wants to skip keys, as in text messaging. but from so many different people?
elision. smooth word, yo.
change is the only constant. laguage=fluid
_flip Fri, Jul. 29th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous): Common in Northern Ireland
I have a friend from Northern Ireland who says "needs washed" all the time -- she assures me that this is common in the Northern Irish dialect. Tue, Aug. 30th, 2005 02:16 pm (UTC)
pymp: i needs shot
I hate this. I started hearing it in 2003 from this girl Linda at my old work who never said it before then. After that time, she said it routinely, and I watched the trend spread faster than the web of herpes in a small town. Curiously, however, I noted that those who had taken to the practice generally lived well beyond what we would have considered "habitable" areas, in the sticks, and could talk about nothing but what their schedules driving their children around were like and what was on television. It has been added to my mental list of "Signs you might just have encountered an ignorant stickfuck." -jre Wed, Oct. 19th, 2005 07:58 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous): Re: i needs shot
I know I need shot for commenting on this after two months, but I found this journal by typing "omission of to be" in google because this usage has been bugging me for a long time. I first heard it in 1992 when I worked at an insurance company. The lady that sat next to me was always saying "this needs filed." I asked my parents and sister about it and they told me they had also heard people using that construction.
In Joseph Duncan's weblog (Blogging the Fifthnail) he talks of one of his cats "wanting fed," so there's an example of someone using it with a verb other than "to need."
I like the example someone gave up above. "Soandso needs food." I guess to some people that would mean that "Soandso needs to be food." Sat, Jan. 21st, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)
(Anonymous): Needs
Brilliant - both in concept and execution! Yes, it is completely ridiculous.
Language corruption is the end-product of deteriorating educational standards; the demise of proofreading as a human profession; and the
E-Mail/IM newspeak domination of written communication.
Please maintain your grammar police vigilance. "To be" has apparently been severed from "needs", which perhaps does settle Hamlet's dilemma, but gives your example phrases that odd, just-translated-badly flavor.
Thank you for fighting the good fight against individual and corporate ignorance, laziness, and carelessness - What the ____ indeed!
URknotaloan! tee hee |