speaking at my first meeting [11 Oct 2008|11:01pm] _like_weeds So the commitment meeting i was supposed to speak at on thursday got cancelled. it was going to be a small meeting, just 8-12 people, i was a little bummed but i was just like, it's ok, it wasn't my time. tonight i was supposed to go to a show at the wheelchair but i decided, that's just not the best place for me right now, so i called my sponsor and she took me to a commitment she was going to at spectrum detox, one of the biggest detox centers in central mass. we got there and there were close to 70 people in the room. i sat in the front with my sponsor and the other people from the way out group on wednesday nights. all the people that were there from the wednesday night group were people i knew and had heard speak and loved their stories, so it was an honor to be sitting up there with them. the first two speakers spoke, and did a great job as always. then it got quiet, and i looked around, and the person chairing the meeting was looking at me. i looked at him, and he nodded. i said to myself, ok, it's time, took a second to pray, then went into my story. I tried not to focus on what i was using or how much or who i was using with or anything like that, just that i drank a lot and did a lot of drugs for a long time. then i explained how i came into the program and how i hated my first meeting but i kept coming, and i hated the steps but i kept coming, and i didn't believe in a higher power but i kept coming. all those things have changed and today people i thought would never forgive me are back in my life, today i have a job and i don't steal from it, i have plans for a future i never thought i was going to reach, and i live more fully and love more deeply than i ever thought possible,and i'm grateful for every moment that i have and i'm not angry at the world anymore, i think that life is beautiful because i'm lucky to be alive. the last speaker at the meeting only had a few minutes but he said (and this is still good if you don't believe in God, just open your mind a little) that God only builds bridges halfway, that everyone in that room had been brought there but now they had a choice, they could leave the detox and pick up right away expecting something different to happen, but it wont, and if they're lucky they'll find themselves back here, and if they're less lucky they'll end up dead. but their other option is to leave the detox and make meetings a part of their life, to go and listen and take suggestions, get a sponsor, do the work, then they have a second chance at life. and then he stopped, and pointed to everyone from wednesday night sitting at the front of the group, including me, and said "if you want what these people have, you have to work for it." and right there i teared up because i realized that i was included in "these people", that coming from where i had, and now having 3 and a half months of continuous sobriety, i finally have something that people might want. and the only way to keep it is to give it away. many people came up and thanked me after, and it was amazing. speaking tonight was an honor and a privilege, i truly believe that everything happens for a reason. i don't care if people think i'm cracked, i love life more than i ever thought possible and i'm starting to forgive myself and love myself too. before i never understood why people said they were grateful to be an alcoholic. i was like, this is the worst fucking shit ever are you kidding me? but now i get it. and i'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic too. p.s i love hailey navarro a lot and she is wonderful and has always been there for me and i went out to dinner with her last night and loved every minute of it. p.p.s i love ksenia varlyguina because shes known me since i was 12 and seen me at all the varying levels of absurdity, and still loves me and is amazing and was there through some of the hardest parts in my life and always helped me get through. i'll call you back soon. <3 3 comments|post comment

0231. [11 Oct 2008|07:07pm] aliciasmith life is only episodes of temporary insanity strung together by drunken sing-a-longs. edit; point proven, i am significantly more nuts than normal... and it's like six in the morning... and i am still awake, singing too beautiful to fuck, until this ocean in my brain becomes calm enough to set sail. but i am beginning to believe that i knew exactly what i was getting myself into.......... post comment

One's Real Life is Often the Life That One Does Not Lead [11 Oct 2008|11:33pm] foto_decadent [ecstasy_lover] Editorial: One's Real Life is Often the Life That One Does Not Lead Magazine: Arena Homme + Issue: Winter/Spring 2008 Models: Charles Devoe, Doug Porter, Travis Hanson, and Kerry Degman Photographer: Steven Klein ( More ) 155 comments|post comment

New York 30х. [11 Oct 2008|03:34am] ruguru [dar_jan] сайт ( +11 ) 11 comments|post comment

[11 Oct 2008|02:19am] mysteronsss i think the never ending trend of breaking marlene's heart should be protested against because its really starting to get on my nerves... 2 comments|post comment

hearts; [11 Oct 2008|04:16pm] ssashimi Sometimes, he's all I really think about. That's why I always tell him he's my "biggest distraction". :) I love love love love love love him. There's simply no other way to describe it. :)

Jonathan Leder [10 Oct 2008|01:30pm] foto_decadent [tybone] Photography by Jonathan Leder ( +18 ) 44 comments|post comment

[10 Oct 2008|04:46pm] scene_ms_queens [shining] ✿ Paris Hilton; 8 ✿ Zui Suicide; 12 ✿ Black Butler; 37 ✿ Pico x Chico x Coco; 16 total; 75 (i hate the face of age 19.) post comment

Glitter [11 Oct 2008|12:25am] foto_decadent [bertberlin] Editorial: Glitter Magazine: Vogue Italia Issue: October 2008 Model: Ali Stephens Photographer: Michaelangelo Di Battista ( More ) 23 comments|post comment

haa [10 Oct 2008|01:55pm] mysteronsss Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today! post comment

[09 Oct 2008|07:51pm] blackendcrown [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | New Edition ] Happy Birthday. I will always love you, darlin'.

Stranger in a strange land [09 Oct 2008|09:56pm] foto_decadent [styliste] Carmen Kass by Yelena Yemchuk styled by Anastasia Barbieri Vogue Nippon October 2008 ( +++ ) 57 comments|post comment

Postcards from the Edge [09 Oct 2008|06:15pm] foto_decadent [bertberlin] Editorial: Postcards from the Edge Magazine: Vogue UK Issue: November 2008 Model: Guinevere van Seenus Photographer: Tom Craig ( More ) 18 comments|post comment

hii :) [09 Oct 2008|12:48pm] _like_weeds sorry i haven't posted in so long, just been busy. i work first shift at an art store, i dont mind it. i think i'm falling in love with a drifter, we go on moped adventures a lot. he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes. i cook lots of vegan food in a crockpot and then give a lot out because it's too big, and i don't like freezing food, and i like feeding people and talking to people over food. and most excitingly!! tonight i'm speaking at a detox center to 12-18 year olds that are just getting clean. i'm gonna do my best to share my experience, strength, and hope, and maybe they'll hear something they can relate to. i just want to tell them, that they're going to be okay, if they work for it. more than okay. every day is a gift and i love life more than i ever have before. i again want to thank everyone that's shared this with my and extend my apologies to anyone i've hurt in the past. 3 comments|post comment

KRUZR KEN + A RIFLE SURPRISE [10.10.2008 @ DOM] [09 Oct 2008|12:51pm] post_rock [staub] Один молодой, трендово одетый житель столицы, на полном серьезе считающий себя мыслящим в «правильном» русле, услышав от меня словосочетание «нойз-рок» или «прогрессив-рок», посмотрел на ногти, сделал скучающий вид и отхлебнул Мохито из своего стакана. Я тогда не стал объяснять, что, дескать, дорогой мой, посещение какого-нибудь не сильно прилизанного, но вполне интересного перфоманса перед походом в «Солянку», возможно, обогатило бы твой, и без того богатый, внутренний мир. Что звуковые эксперименты таких исполнителей, как, например, Arab On Radar, Neptune или Mars Volta, собирают большие аудитории по всему миру, а их пластинки (или mp3 – кому как нравится) расходятся внушительными тиражами. А наверно стоило.   Одно из подобных мероприятий и пройдет в культурном центре «ДОМ» 10 октября.   Московский нойзовый проект Kruzr Ken – это, пожалуй, самая аморфная конструкция на российской инди-сцене. Главная отличительная черта этой команды, по моему представлению, заключается в следующем: сколько раз я не видел их выступления, каждый раз это практически новая группа, с новым саундом, новыми участниками. Помню один раз гитарист лежал на сцене и крутил гитарные примочки, извлекая невообразимые звуки. Причем гитары рядом с ним не наблюдалось. На одном из концертов зал наполнялся криками животных, перемешанных с хитрыми барабанными партиями и вычурными гитарными пассажами. Основу Kruzr Ken составляет Артем Галкин, известный по работе с известной авангардной группой «Я Слева Сверху». В рамках этого проекта с ним сотрудничает целая россыпь видных экспериментаторов, таких как, Павел Еремеев из тех же «ЯСС», Василий Никитин, барабанщик Foojitsu и другие. В перфомансе Kruzr Ken 10 октября примет участие основатель «Я Слева Сверху» Алексей Таруц.   Также в «ДОМе» выступит молодая формация A Rifle Surprise, которую многие считают чуть ли не самыми достойными в стране продолжателями дела The Fall of Troy и Mars Volta. Неизвестно, какие оценки участники группы получали по математике и геометрии, но то, что мастерством «с чувством, толком, расстановкой» переносить цифры на музыку они научились вполне хорошо, это точно. Трое интеллигентных и, как мне показалось, очень неглупых молодых людей имеют четкое представление о своей аудитории, относятся к слушателям, как к друзьям, и поэтому предельно с ними честны – это читается в их музыке. Один из членов группы как-то сказал: «важно соотношение того, что ты можешь дать миру и то, что может дать мир тебе. Глупо только требовать, необходимо отдавать все, что у тебя есть и делать это абсолютно искреннее». Сразу мысль – легко сказать, труднее сделать. Конечно. Но коль скоро A Rifle Surprise выбрали путь покорения сердец и умов людей при помощи такого, не самого простого для понимания жанра, как «математический рок», в эти слова можно поверить.   Подведем итог.   МЕСТО: Культурный центр «ДОМ» (Бол. Овчинниковский пер., д. 24, стр. 4) ДАТА / ВРЕМЯ: 10 октября / 20:00 ВХОД: 300/200*   * Для того чтобы попасть в список гостей и пойти на концерт за 200 рублей, необходимо прислать на soundsquat@gmail.com письмо со следующим содержанием: ФИО / ник-нейм / моб / мэйл. В теме письма просто укажите название мероприятия. post comment

Sugestions [08 Oct 2008|11:36pm] foto_decadent [styliste] Aline Weber by Greg Kadel Vogue Italia October 2008 ( +++ ) 22 comments|post comment

The New Vision [08 Oct 2008|07:31pm] foto_decadent [bertberlin] Editorial: The New Vision Magazine: Vogue Italia Issue: October 2008 Model: Iris Strubegger Photographer: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott ( More ) 18 comments|post comment

Muse #14 [08 Oct 2008|04:22pm] foto_decadent [linka_lebedeva] Ghost Without A Shell Photo: David Vasiljevic Styling: Sarah Richardson Model: Agnete Hegelund ( more inside ) 18 comments|post comment

Epic fail. [08 Oct 2008|10:28pm] ssashimi "Goodbye" "No Goodbye's. This is not the end." "Yeah it's not the end yet. Sama ako sa airport." WTF. post comment

[08 Oct 2008|01:05am] yeolderoad from a thing i am making called 'what we do on sundays' 4 comments|post comment

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