Look! IT IS SYLAR!!! Also, the image is repeating, but instead of fixing it, I find myself rather enjoying it.... huh.

Yes, I have recently started watching heroes, and it has EATEN MY BRAIN. LIKE SYLAR. WHOM I LOVE. ALONG WITH NATHAN. AND HIS GAY BROTHER. WHO HE IS GAY WITH. YEAH.

( Obligatory cut so no one has to read some sad musings )

Having regarded myself as an optimist, I find it strange that only now have I really understood what is happening to me.

I'm at a time in my life where the only governmental restrictions on me are not to fuck minors and not to kill anyone. I'm educated, skilled, and have a five-year job that can give me glowing recommendations. I love travel and I love seeing new things. Why am I griping about not knowing what I'm doing?

This is the perfect time in my life. I don't have a career - but that means I don't have something that I can lose. I've almost graduated - once that is finished, I have a million decisions I can make. Or not. I don't have to decide anything.

I am burdened with nothing. Perhaps, instead of looking at that looseness with terror, I should instead view it as what it really is: freedom.

I really really really need to write a story about a smoker/drinker who smokes/drinks during their morning shower. Because... yeah. And has a dirty mouth and is pretty much an asshole (sort of like House???) and the only redeemable thing about hir is the complete brilliance at a particular something.

After all, I have a deep love in my heart for asshole characters/people who are assholes. It only figures I need to write about one.

I just watched Batman again (DON'T JUDGE ME) and I can't believe how much I love it. It's everything I want, portrayed in such a perfect medium. If I wanted to scrutinize it, I'm sure I could find flaws, but why bother?

I love the character of Batman, and what he represents: a normal person trying to make right. He doesn't always do the best thing, and he isn't always out for such a noble reason, but he does his damnedest to help people. It strikes a fundamental cord in me.

It's so strange. Whenever I see something done wonderfully - the recently completed Avatar, this new Batman movie - I feel a certain weakness inside, wondering if I can achieve the same sort of perfection. Is it wrong to wish the world was fucked up enough to need a Batman, and that someone would have enough balls to become him?

On a less philosophical note, I have been convinced by blind love and a weakly constructed argument issued by my best friend that Harvey Dent is still totally alive at the end of The Dark Knight.

The other night I had a dream. It doesn't really matter what it was about. However, in this dream, I shouted "What the hell am I doing with this teacher crap?! I have to be a lawyer!!!"

So. I love the law like whoa. I enjoy analyzing it and arguing so much. I don't mind reading case writeups, and I love thinking of interesting arguments to compelling and difficult questions. Not to mention I am kicking ass at Phoenix Wright.

However, I went on the path to being a teacher so that I could have time to write. I know writing. It is in my soul, and it makes me happy to the point that if I am not writing, I am depressed. I think I could be a good teacher, and that if I did it, I would be into it.

What am I doing? Which career should I investigate? Both are lifers. Both are careers that you need time to build, and that can give you immense satisfaction for your whole life. They are Careers, not jobs.

What do I do?

Sometimes I believe that a fellow friend of mine and myself would make an irrefutably awesome couple. We fight, often. But somehow, we also manage to think of the same things, to reach the same conclusions, and if I'm existing in a space he enters, he will seek me out and explain all his... theories. I try not to look too much into it, but it's hard not to.

Just random stray thoughts I'm having - not any particular motivation to come to a conclusion.

Who knew gay guys and lesbians could be so much fun?!?! Haha that was a joke. I loved dancing with people who didn't give a shit who you were or what you looked like, just as long as you wanted to have fun. It has been a long time since I was with people who were so open-minded.

On the downside, I'm pretty sure I texted Olivia about our friendship, since she hasn't been speaking much to me in the past week. Oh dear. We will see what that brings.

My new roommate (also named Jessica like my last one! IRONY) is hilarious and talkative and makes me so happy. Thank God it was someone wonderful and not a creeper. Also, my Dutch roommate speaks perfect English but only when he's drunk. He has been holding out on me!

While driving through three states to Austin, TX, I discovered something miraculous.

Coffee-infused Monster.

COFFEE. INFUSED. MONSTER.

Monster, the wonderful energy drink that tastes like candy and doesn't make you crash. Coffee, the live-giving substance who's addictive properties are perpetuated by a Starbucks on every corner (actually, I couldn't find a Starbucks the ENTIRE time I was in Austin!!!).

TOGETHER. IN ONE.

All the energy from Monster, tastes just like iced coffee.

God sent this to me, and I shall be its prophet.

Yay! It's my birthday!

Boo! I'm 22 (OMG).

Yay! I went to Vegas!

Boo! I didn't get into Clarion.

Today, I walked to my Japanese final with Cristian from work. I was working on about two hours of sleep, and had just finished 8 hours of work.

We get to the corner of Pangea and Marshall, when I see a huge cloud of leaves coming towards us (it's about 30x30 feet). I think "No big deal - it's leaves!" We get about half-way when I realize it isn't leaves - it's BEES.

Cristian does not react well. He starts swatting at them, and I calmly tell him he has to stop or the bees will get angry. I talk soothingly to him, tell him to calm down and that we're almost through.

We reach the other side. Cristian says "Can you please get these bees off me?" So I start wiping them from his head and shirt. I notice there are some on me, and so I calmly start wiping them off me, gently shaking my hand (like if there was water on it) to get them off my fingers. I shake out my hair, check Cristian over again, and then we start walking to our finals.

I think lack of sleep made me so calm and in control. WTF? It was the most surreal thing to happen to me ever.

Also, when I asked Cristian to make sure that had happened, he said he got stung 5 times. Me?
I didn't get stung at all.

CLEARLY I AM JESUS.

I hate finals, like, so much.

Why is it that I never have enough money? How can I scrimp and save and live off of Cafe V food for weeks at a time, and still never have any money? It is a disease? Does poverty thrive in my veins? ARGH.

I just want to go to Japan.

In July of 2007, I bought Final Fantasy XII for $40. I like the Final Fantasys, so I was excited. I began playing it. I played it pretty much day and night.

And I played some more.

And played.

And played.

And then, 200 hours later, I finished everything in the game. I had done all the side quests, gotten all the ultimate weapons (except for the STUPID ZODIAC SPEAR!!!), completed the Sky Pirate's Den, had my characters all at 99, had all the hidden espers (aka GFs, Aeons, Summons, etc), completed the Hunt Guide, and even killed Omega Mark XIII (which I hadn't intended to do).

After I defeated Mr. Omega tonight, I realized that I couldn't do anything else. I had wrung the game of every possible ounce of fun I could. It was time to end.

I faced Vayne, defeated him. I cried like a baby at the parts involving Larsa, Gabranth, and yeah, even Vayne, at the end. When The Undying was defeated, I sat back and watched the ending movie. I cried. Yeah.

And now it is over. I am very sad. Thinking about it makes me cry.

I'm sure in a month or so I will start it over again. :)