| Journal Moving to Immortal-Peach.Net |
[13 Jun 2005|11:19pm] |
|
Well, my beloved darlings, my journal, "Silens Refero Lamentari," has finally made the move to IMMORTAL-PEACH.NET/VISIONS/. My LiveJournal archives are still in the process of being moved over into the journal and the layout is still being worked on, but by the end of this week the journal should be complete. I will still drop by LiveJournal on occasion to participate in communities and read up on my friends during the summer.
I will be awaiting your comments and love.
Sariah Katrin Yvongstrom aka Sara Young
Immortal-Peach.Net
Silens Refero Lamentari
|
|
| I Am Predisposed To Loving Them |
[11 Jun 2005|09:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
elated and erotic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Placebo | 20th Century Boy |
] |
"20th Century Boy" is an awesome song, I suggest acquiring it by any means.
As the days progress, my preference and adoration for homosexual boys grows stronger every day. Either this eventually results in my metamorphisis into a full-fledged fag hag and confirms my heterosexuality or oppositely I become a immutable homosexual with respect to my male counterparts.
It is true that I find eyeliner-wearing, tight-clothed males attractive. It is also true that I find boys kissing and tenderly fondling each other extremely arousing. When the three variables are combined, it is like a sensual party escaping into the boudoir of my panties.
Velvet Goldmine summarizes all of my fantasies, private and not, into one beautifully drugged and erotic euphoria. My love for the excess and gaudiness of Glam Rock, the catchy glam rock-era music, beautiful men and women, orgies, and drugs is completely wrapped up within the 162 minute movie.
The primary bonus is two of my favourite male actors: Sensual Jonathan Rhys Meyers and the charming and handsome Ewan McGregor. My first true experience of Jonathan was when I watched Titus, an excellent movie and play.
Anyway, here is the photograph that spawned the feelings that inspired this post:
I'm not going to put it behind lj-cut because I'm not ashamed to show my love for these lovely boys and their fictional romance. Jonathan's expression and hand is just so... heart-wrenching because it portrays a passion, lust, love, obsession that I no longer have. Emptiness is as difficult to cope with as futile love.
Sigh. I need you more than ever.
|
|
| Have I Ever Told You About My Childhood Love? |
[05 Jun 2005|09:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nostalgic needing |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dead Can Dance | "Ocean" |
] |
Warrior Princess Anthology DVD Set
I'm going to sell my soul and body for this. I'm almost completely serious about this. Xena used to be my life afterschool every day for five years until I moved up here. I didn't get to see much of the sixth and final season due to the fact that my dad didn't have cable when I moved up.
I really, really need/want this. She was my first love. Laugh, but I am serious.
|
|
| Finals |
[05 Jun 2005|03:55pm] |
Could someone tell me the schedule for the finals? I would appreciate it a lot.
Studied for the Geometry final for about two and a half hours. I've decided that I really do know this stuff and just need another person's confirmation for me to realize that I do. What a stupid sentence.
|
|
| LiveJournal Existence Compromised? |
[25 May 2005|12:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dune | "Who Wants To Live Forever?" |
] |
My presence on LiveJournal is sporadic and unreliable. Sorry guys, but I am probably going to utilize my website for blogging instead of LiveJournal. Although the community/interests/friends thing is awesome for relieving painful boredom, I would prefer to host my own journal since I am capable of doing so.
My journal and archives dating back to 2002 (!) will probably be up by mid-June.
I'm going to get back to working on my final projects now.
I only have to memorize a poem in Spanish, complete my Wellness Project, study for a unit exam, and do some math/biology worksheets. I probably won't sleep tonight. Blah.
|
|
| Je Veux Oublier L'Amour et La Tristesse |
[09 May 2005|11:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bjork | "Sun In My Mouth" |
] |
Only one person understands the significance of the three purple tulips I saw today.
|
|
| Immortal-peach.net Layout Finally Uploaded... |
[18 Apr 2005|12:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beatles | "Yellow Submarine" |
] |
... but only the front page and the index. Heh. It is at least a start, no? People with Microsoft Internet Explorer should convert to Mozilla Firefox 1) because IE sucks 2) my site was designed using Firefox and therefore looks better in some aspects.
This week end should be open for me thus allowing me time for completing the uploading and reformatting. I should try using XML like an intelligent little girl.
|
|
| Sometimes Spring Isn't So Nice |
[16 Apr 2005|01:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
concerned |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Depeche Mode | "Dangerous" |
] |
My poor little kitty, Nyxienna, is going through a difficult process: going in heat. I should probably read up on this occurrence because I don't really know what it is and whether it is analogous to our horniness or menstraul cycle.
She has been mewing since about 3:00 AM, and the knowledge of her going into heat made me have a weird dream of myself going into heat and some person suggesting I do something naughty with a newt. Thankfully that newt fell apart giving me time to run through a maze, still horny, and naked but with billowing, translucent petticoat around my hips. Yeah.
So I didn't sleep so well and she is currently rolling around my floor. It is hilarious and sad watching this almost cruel, fluffy cat reduced to a pathetic state because of Nature.
I'm not letting her outside for awhile, and I know she will hate me for it. How can I tell my cat that instead of pleasurable sex, she will be mauled by the neighbourhood cats?
Edit 14:17:
I gave Nyxienna a speech telling her what having sex with a male cat is like, the results of having sex, and why she would want to commit suicide after babies. I described all of the events in horrible detail with the words pain, depression, and annoyance thrown in often. She stopped mewing and walked away from the screen door for a time and returned a few minutes later. This is why our parents have these speeches, it scares us away from stupid ideas--for awhile.
Sensing that a male was around, I snuck out the door, walked around outside, and found this arrogant gray cat perched on the car. He just sat there watching me with the most insolent and smug look. I chased him away and felt pretty mighty myself. Heh heh.
|
|
| Anxiously Waiting For A Quiet Weekend |
[11 Apr 2005|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pleasant |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Coco Lee | "A Love Before Time" |
] |
To fill in:
On Saturday I spent about an hour and a half alternating between vomiting, coughing, and suffering and dozing on CeCe's bathroom floor. It was pretty terrible because it wasn't even vomiting with satisfation-- you know throwing up a massive amount of purple and pink chunks and then sitting down in front of the toilet with a stupid my-stomach-doesn't-hurt-anymore grin while saliva oozes down your chin. Nope, just agonizing stomach cramps and semi-translucent yellow froth vomit. Cecelia took care of me though, she called her sister and then bundled me up in a blanket, bought me crackers, gatorade, and 7up and made sure I was comfortable. My father strolled around, made weird comments and then fed me lots of garlic. After resting for the rest of the day I felt better. What a past week. First scratched corneas and then immediately after recovering my digestive tract resolves that I should suffer for missing two days of school and TOTALLY forgetting about work. Something very strange is happening to me.
After the Day of Pain and Vomit, I woke up at 6:30 AM, pulled on some clothes, and was picked up to work for a small Boomershoot. Xenia and I pounded 60 stakes, hiked "through hill and dale" and then scooped caustic (different than soda lime) lime into paper sacks. It was exciting and messy but we earned a nice wage which would have taken me two and a half weeks to make otherwise.
I should probably finish up my homework now. I just spent three hours working on math assignments I need to make up. I will probably spend another hour or so on Biology and English, shower, then read until two in the morning because I am like that.
A man at Safeway smiled and chatted me up while scanning grapes, apples, and canned cat food. I left the store skipping. Amiable people make my day wonderful.
I will lose thirty pounds and get into a healthy weight range. It is just going to take awhile and some strict self-discipline and maybe counseling.
|
|
| Scratched Corneas |
[06 Apr 2005|05:24pm] |
|
Way to go Sara. You fucked up again. Last night after measuring my fat waist and trying to explain my situation in my previous post, I passed out while reading. Yes, I am still reading Anna Karenina because I am a loser and haven't had time to finish reading it. To continue with my story, I slept with my contacts in for about seven hours and I woke up to take them out. I passed out again right after and dreamed Xenia's right thigh had been burned all the way around and had this strange, gravel road texture. It was also dark brown and looked like spores were coming out of the burn wounds. Her boyfriend didn't seem to mind and was aroused by the burn, but anyway. I woke up around 14:00 and tried putting my contacts in but the pain was pretty excruciating. It is like sleeeping, waking up in the night, walking into a brightly lit room and standing there with your eyes exposed to bright light without allowing them time to gradually adjust.
Dad called my optometrist and I went to see him thirty minutes later. Apparently there are scratches all over my right cornea and only a couple of small ones on my left. Theis means that I can't wear my contacts for awhile thus reducing me to being pathetically blind and helpless. Sorry if there are any spelling or typing errors in this post, I obviously can't see them. I have no idea what I am going to do with school tomorrow since I need to see for school.
This has taught me two important lessons:
1. Falling asleep with your contacts still on is a terrible decision and you should try to avoid this whenever you can.
2. I am almost absolutely dependent on my eyesight. I can't read, watch Kung Fu movies, browse the Internet, work out at the gym, do my Geometry homework, or put on clothes.
|
|
| Want To Know My Waist Measurement Now? A Hint: FIVE inches larger than three years ago. |
[05 Apr 2005|11:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
spiteful towards self |
] |
Today was pleasant for the most part. I was busy from 06:50 to about 20:40 doing school, InnerVisions, and then work. My body is exhausted and thoroughly hating me. My right hip is in excruciating pain, I can hardly walk and I limp when I do. What the hell has happened to my body? This question has become a constant marquee through my mind for the past two or three months.
Yes, well, I was pretty okay until just a few minutes ago. I took my waist measurement and I almost ripped portions of my flesh trying to remove the growing fat deposit. I fucking hate it. I have been exercising, riding my bike every day, going to the gym twice a week, walking, jogging, but nothing. My diet is about the same. This is one of my agonies. People say, "Oh, you're so pretty, Sara." If they could only see me naked. If they could only see my disgusting body, that thought would never make it past initial sensory cells. I just want to chop and hack. Oh god, maybe I can become bulimic or anorexic, I wouldn't be damaging my body anymore than I am now by the sleep deprivation, periods of no food and then food binges brought on by stress and hand-mouth reaction; the perpetual everything.
I really do not wish can't to go to school tomorrow. The shame and pain is too much. I need to do more homework, but I can't do that either.
Please don't respond with encouraging statements. Please just tell me how to fix myself. Don't tell me I need more sleep, of course I know that, but I don't have time to sleep. God damnit. God damnit.
I never wanted to grow up if growing up entails growing fatter each week. Please, take me to a doctor so I can stop this. Please, oh fucking please help me.
|
|
| Action, Adventure, Sex-- and LITTLE of it! |
[03 Apr 2005|11:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
waiting for the sexy man-masseuse |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Adam & the Ants | "Prince Charming" |
] |
Now that I've finished my homework, which consisted of writing a Position Paper and reading, I can relax.
This has been an eventful weekend. Friday night I walked laps for cancer mostly with CeCe (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) emaciatedpoodle) and played frisbee with Brice that involved dancing and cartwheeling before tossing. I hadn't eaten much, a sandwich and some cookies, on Friday, but somehow an energy reserve that I had never know of expressed itself as I leaped, twirled, jogged, and walked into the night. I passed out doing a spontaneous air-guitar performance for Ella and Tim (spam_robot_tim8). When I woke, four hours later, I saw Amber and Kelly still walking and running in their towels.
Then I headed over to my CeCe's, my second home I guess, and passed out on her floor until four in the afternoon. I woke up and she presented me with eggs and bacon--something I haven't had for almost three years. It was good. Meg came over and all three of us drew weird, LSD inspired pictures for two hours. The boys (BriceHanceDmitri) called sometime during that and asked us for suggestions to cure their boredom. That translates from boy-speak to girl-speak as, "Hey, can we come over, eat your food and bore you with our amazing boredom skills?" We came up with an list of reasons why they shouldn't come over:
We are painting our nails.
Doing our math homework in turtlenecks.
Having a political discussion in plaid.
Erm... snorting crack? Can't remember the rest....
They hung up after that and we were afraid they would come over anyway so we left them suggested reading material on the front porch that basically said, "Go away, girls only."
They forced their way anyways and it was boring. We watched a movie and I brushed Brice's messy, nearly 20 inch hair. I left about two hours later, after we rewrote a portion of a Barbie book and eating a cake that exploded when we tried getting it out of the pan, and then I passed out after father growled about me coming home when he told me not to. What the hell?
I woke up this afternoon and did nothing except look at pretty girls, read, look at semi-nude girls, read the biographies of Adam Ant, Annie Lennox, Blondie, steamboats, and now....
I am going to watch Kung Fu movies and call some sexy man to massage my sore muscles.
Edit: Honestly, I wasn't annoyed or upset with the boys coming over, but for the sake of making my life interesting, I intensified and dramatised our emotions and feelings. I love you HanceDmitriBrice and whoever else may have been offended by my Femi-Nazi writing. God, I love men and women, but men scare me. Well, except for Sexy Man. He is just sexy and alluring and I have erotic dreams about him, but I digress. Sorry Jared and Brendan.
|
|
| A Politically Correct Obsession? |
[01 Apr 2005|12:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
rolllingeyesmood |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kill Hannah | "Boys and Girls" |
] |
Black day as EU fools with place names
The Scottish Executive had sought to win exemptions for places beginning with "Black", but the bureaucrats were adamant they were racist.
"We could hardly have places like Colouredford or the Coloured Isle, the Coloured Cuillins," said a spokesman.
However, the Executive has come up with an alternative, to revert to the Gaelic rendition of black - dubh - which it believes will be acceptable.
The spokesman added: "They won't know the difference, hopefully. And Burndubh and Dubhford don't sound too bad."
Favourite Quote from the article: "It's as if these people sat there all day and made up this stuff."
Indeed.
|
|
| Happy Birthday Brendan! |
[28 Mar 2005|07:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Prepared for anything |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Radiohead | "Karma Police" |
] |
Today is Brendan's (pianoman666) sixteenth birthday.
I hope you found your present adequate enough.
< o >< o >< o >
I should be able to update my website later this week, so visit the current layout and say your farewells.
|
|
| The Future of Immortal-Peach.Net |
[27 Mar 2005|11:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
productive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Radiohead | "Amnesiac" |
] |
I am cruel and didn't give you a larger picture. You will just have to wait as I find time to fix minor problems and validate my XHTML and such like and decide whether I should continue using IFRAMEs or use the new blog style.
Sorry for the FOURTH post of the day. I am a maniac. Before I might need to attend Livejournal Anonymous support groups. Jesus, this is sick.
Stay tuned,
Sara
|
|
| I'm A Failure |
[21 Mar 2005|09:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerfully upset? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jem | "24" |
] |
Today I received a package from my mother containing two smallish packages of jellybeans. Being the glutton I am, I consumed an entire package. I'm wallowing in my own self-disgust and physical sickness now. Woo hoo. I suppose I was hungry?
To list the other presents in the package:
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee
Lewis Carroll: the Complete, Fully Illustrated Works
of course including the famous Alice's Adventures in Wonderland(squee!) and Through the Looking Glass(squeak!).
A pretty neat black, lacy skirt.
A belt that doesn't fit around my hips(goddamnitIfuckinghatemybighipssometimes)
An adorable snowman bell ornament with "Sara" engraved on the bell. This was a belated addition to my Christmas gifts.
Thats it for the package and apparently I have another package due to arrive in two days. Wow, my 16th is no longer wanting for gifts anymore, but I kind of wish I could've combined my lack of birthday parties since I was 8 into one huge, merry party. Besides, isn't the sixteenth birthday a special occasion for American females? They did make several songs and movies about it. I thought that mine would be the same since I'm a romantic and disillusioned girl.
|
|
| Reminiscing About -That- Year |
[19 Mar 2005|05:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Post-mania |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nyxienna playing |
] |
My play isn't coming along; suffering from a lack of creativity and sorrow. I truly wish I could grow past this pathetic, whiny stage of life into college. Perhaps I am the craziest girl alive, but I want to get married. Bethany is right, I do want more, more than anyone can give me now. The problem is I grew up faster than most. Friends and acquaintances are only beginning to delve into things that I've done four years previous. Either they are late bloomers or this egg hatched too quickly due to the influences of [air] pressure and [body] heat.
My posts are too enigmatic and metaphorical. I'd be surprised if anyone comprehended 43 percent of the meanings behind this post.
Would anyone like a locket of my hair? I had one of those maniac impulses and cut my hair around 4:40 this morning.
I miss someone and I feel cruel and disgusting for having these lingering feelings. I want to move away so all contact is lost. I should scour my room for those traces, but that would mean burning my skin, my blankets, my bed, my room, my everything.
I miss Bethany. She probably thinks I don't read anymore, but I do. I've not responded to her letter. I've not done anything but dream about her.
I've unpacked my stuffed animals. Sad that this now sixteen-year-old girl must rely on inanimate objects made by memories and imagination to comfort her.
Last night after cutting my hair I wrote a poem but it sucks so I'll never post it. I wish there was medicine or a pill to give you confidence. I would probably overdose on the first day and graduate high school as valedictorian, with a boyfriend who would become my husband after I Mastered in Traditional Art and minored in Russian, Latin, Greek, Welsh, Gaelic, French, Portuguese, Japanese, and Chinese. Obviously I love language, but I stutter and get shy anytime I'm required to speak in that language. I do that with English as well.
Thanks Live Journal for making a one paragraph post into a rant that no one will read.
|
|
| Amo Somnium Latinae |
[19 Mar 2005|02:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful and lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Edith Piaf | "Sous Le Ciel De Paris" |
] |
Hic vir despiciens mundum, et terrena triumphans, divitias caelo condidit ore et manu.
(This man, despising the world and triumphing over earthly things, heaped up riches riches in heaven by word and deed.)
- S. Benedictus, Abbas
-(St. Benedict, Abbot)
Last night I dreamed of two men, one a blonde man and another that looked similar to Adrien Brody, fighting for my affection. The latter man appeared most often and was more distinct. He loved me more as well. He taught me Latin and together we laid on our bed and read together, legs entwined and shoulder to shoulder. He chased after me when I ran and we tumbled in piles of gold leaves.
Amit ego asci somni sui amo.
Does the soul reveal it's loneliness through dreams? Many seem lonely and desiring affection during this season and often find their special someone. Alas, flames licked and burned the parchment skin of my body leaving me restlessly smouldering, waiting for someone to finish me off with a bucket of cold water or stir me up with a breath. Do you think he is out there waiting for me?
Somnium vir ego amat.
[edit]I now remember the blonde man being Duncan, the tattoo boy who remembered me after so long and not the drunk Scot who began pulling his pants down in front of me.
|
|
| Oreo is Sleek, but Pokey is Fluffy |
[13 Mar 2005|07:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
heartattack from the zip-zap |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Faint | "I Disappear" |
] |
Unfortunately I was unable to find anyone who actually has the National Geographic Channel so I zoomed over to CeCe's and I sat around stroking her fuzzy cats, comparing our un-toned bodies, and me trying on her spankilicious clothing. I am obviously quite content, CeCe has this magical ability to make people extremely happy.
Xenia, CeCe, and I are driving to the TriCities tomorrow to shop at a couple of thrift shops. While they entertain themselves with movies I am going to finish Anna Karenina and start The Bell Jar and complete The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn before my classmates.
I will probably compose my play, "Nocturne," this week. It is kind of lame and not funny at all. I don't have a knack for making anything humorous, I'm a serious, dramatic type.
I looked through CeCe's seventh grade year book. You guys look so funny.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
