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Pretty much ALL my entries are Friends-Only. Only periodically will I post a public entry, and even so, that entry will eventually become friends-only.




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Awesomeness: Writings and Musings is my public, pop culture related (but not very updated) blog, if you would like to check it out.

This commercial is a Canadian institution for my generation. It took me a billion years to find the video and after incessantly quoting it to people years after the fact, I HAVE FOUND THE COMMERCIAL! PRAISE JESUS! We used to repeat this verbatim and it was one long-running joke. Needless to say, I am giddy about this find.  

Well, people don't see the real me, right. They just see my acne problem. People think I eat too many chocolate bars or that I don't wash my face.


My brother says I'll probably grow out of it, but I don't think so, no.  

Colbert in '08, y'all!

OMGGGGGG, it was so very, very awkward! I went to a strip club for the first time last night. No, I am not some pervy type who is on the prowl for man-flesh. It was my friend's stagette so we took her out for a night of debauchery, male strippers and alcohol to get her drunk off her ass. We started the night out at Milestones for some good food, some drinks and a few shots. Well, for me, I nixed the drinks and only went for a shot (broken down golf cart, FTW!) because I am not just poor, I am po as Oprah would say, due to still being effin' unemployed. After that, we headed to Brampton since in ALL OF THE TORONTO AREA, Brampton has the ONLY straight male strip club. The other male strip club is a gay male strip club whose clientele are old, pervy, desperate men. No thanks. As a strip club newbie, I was ignorant of many things so as a result, I am out $20 (on top of the cover charge and drink minimum). So if you too are a strip club newbie and you plan to visit one some day, this post may serve as a lesson.  

The place we went to was called Foxxes Den. Quoted from their website:

"This elegant and upscale establishment features an array of gorgeous male performers and entertainers suitable for the most exotic of tastes of today's women.

The comfortable surroundings include sophisticated yet fun atmoshpheire. FoxxesDen is the North American Premier Dance Club."

Yeah, right! Elegant and upscale, my ass. If this is what is considered upscale, I would hate to see what is considered not upscale by these standards. $10 cover charge and a $10 drink minimum per person (this is not the $20 I was referring to though). It is so very cheesy and a so very awkward experience. But more cheesy than anything. The strippers/performers/entertainers on the stage had these costumes they started out with, in true cliché fashion. There was a "jailbird" (or "convict"), "navy officer", "fireman", "monk" (or whatever he was trying to be with that hideous brown robe), "grim reaper" and some other thing I can't remember because the guy had started his show as we came in. There was so much showmanship that it took forever and a day to get to the damn stripping. I/we were like, "TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF". Not because we were particularly wanting to see the guy nekkid or that we thought he was hot, it was just because the dancing and prancing around was getting so tiresome and boring. I didn't pay $20 just to see some guy dance around like an idiot.

Once the guys got down to their undies/thong, things got really hilarious and crazy. Eventually, they would take it ALL off and then use a small towel to "cover up". All these ladies would go down to the stage area with $20s, I believe, to have some "special time" with the guy, throughout their act. He would go to each one and either gyrate on them, bump and grind, or do some weird acrobatic thing with them -- or do all three. All of which, of course, while stimulating sex. There were quite a few cougars who wanted some of the action, some who went on stage for every guy pretty much. There was this lady who was in her 60s or even 70s who was bumping and grinding like nobody's business on this one stripper, and parts of her body (i.e. granny arms) were jiggling all over the place. And I do not ever again want to witness old ladies doing the stuff that I saw them doing last night. EVER. This one pair of cougars sandwiched a stripper and my friend referred to that as a "geriatric sandwich" LOL.

The majority of the guys were mediocre looking. Most had nice bodies but in terms of overall sexyness, they were "meh". If the place had a Gerald Butler, Ryan Phillippe, David Beckham, Brad Pitt, hell, even a George Clooney type, I would be throwing my money and panties at them. Alas, they didn't really have any guys that were my cup of tea. As people on ohnotheydidnt would say, DO NOT WANT. The final act, which I think was supposed to be the "highlight" of the night, was a performance with a former Chip'n'Dales dancer. He performed as a navy officer to, get this, "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (at least in his beginning act). SO CHEESY! The girls were going wild... or maybe they just really wanted one of the roses he was giving out. I admit it, I did a double-take and thought, "not bad, not bad at all" especially in comparison to the previous strippers. He reminded me a bit of George Eads from CSI from where I was sitting, which was not really close to the stage at all (but rather, near the back on this little platform thing). I later confirmed that I was very mistaken when I got an upclose view of him. After the show, he was walking around with this 8x10 promotional shot of him in a fireman's uniform, soliciting "private time" from the ladies (he seemed to have quite a few takers). To the right is one of my "stealth shots" of the navy guy pre-pants-coming-off.

( Some of the highlights of the night a.k.a. things that made me laugh or amused me: )

I went down to Ryerson Theatre to go in the Rush line to see The Last Kiss (so I could make use of my "Pink" voucher that I got from volunteering at the film festival). Zach Braff and Rachel Bilson and apparently other people from the cast were there but being the determined cow that I am, I thought to myself that I've waited this long, I must not lose my spot! So I didn't go to the red carpet area, thinking I'd get into the movie.

Well, I didn't and I was le sad. THEY BLOODY STOPPED THE RUSH LINE ABOUT 7-8 PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME!!! Bastards! So I wandered around looking for some coffee from Tim Hortons... that's when I came across a crapload of people taking pictures nearby College station. I poked around and found out it was some One X One event and Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and other celebs were coming. I stuck around and tried to get some pics but there were big tall people around me. One dude didn't speak English and was saying "is this actor?" pointing to his camera's LCD screen. Then another dude was just standing with his big fat head in front of me, not doing anything (i.e. taking pictures or celebrity 'stalking' kind of things). I didn't get it, they didn't seem to care much about what was going on and yet blocking my view the entire time so I couldn't take good pictures. AND when Brad Pitt showed up, that dude that was just standing watching, he started waving his arm at him, screaming "BRAD". For a non-female and non-fangirly age, I don't get the point of waving around your arm at celebs, personally.

I froze my ass off. Here are some of the pics.

   
THAT'S TOTALLY BRAD PITT!!! I wish I got a shot of him facing the damn camera.

      

Matt Damon

( More pictures )
ALSO, at my Toronto Film Festival volunteering yesterday, I saw Brad Pitt twice (once when he was being escorted to the VIP/talent elevator for the screening of Babel, and once when he was being introduced inside the theatre before the film started) and Russell Crow. ANDDDDDDDDDDD interesting story, but I was working on the Main floor at Roy Thompson Hall and we're supposed to direct people to their appropriate areas depending on what their ticket says. So this fat dude and his friend come up to me and this girl I was working with (but mostly the girl as I was a step or two up) and the friend asks where he's supposed to go. Meanwhile, I'm just staring at the fat dude thinking DUDE HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR!!! Then I realize, OMFGGGGG IT'S MICHAEL MOORE! I wish I had realized earlier so I could say, "Hey dude. I like your work and I've read all your books, and I still like you even if people call your stuff left wing propaganda", though I'd probably wouldn't say all that because I am an idiot who only thinks of stuff to say after the fact, and so I said nothing at all.

I also wish I had a camera phone.

Next time I'm at a club, I'm gonna be a dancing machine (that is, after following the dance lessons from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen).

See instructional videos:
This is hot
This is hotter

I'm gonna be electric sliding, whilst clapping, all over the dance floor. And y'all will be jealous of my sweet moves.

And if you're wondering why I am up, posting this, at 2:50 AM... it's because I am sadly obsessed with finishing Diner Dash 2 and level 27 is kicking my ass.

I totally "partied off the pounds" with Richard Simmons yesterday. AND I met him, thank you very much.

 Now, I can cross Richard Simmons off my list of people I need to meet before I die. 
Next up: David Hasselhoff (the HOFF!!!!) and Bob Saget...and maybe Chuck Norris too. His "humor value" has gone up significantly as of late.