yes well... 

i hate monatary issues. seriously, so much revolves around money in this world. right now i need to pay for a holiday, pay a friend back a big loan from a friend and stay afloat long enough for my wages to come through, which come in a month later than other staff cause i'm a reserve worker. also i'm going to vicky's wedding in three weeks so i need not only enough money for accom and travel fare up to newcastle... but also enough to buy a decent outfit for the wedding.

i'm even having to take money from my savign which i hate hate hate to do but... :(

well anyway this all sucks. because i hate havign to skimp out on occasions and seeing people because i don't have money,

the biggest thing being the arts fest in cantebury at kieran's uni. i really wanted to go, mainly to see keiran of course but all because i don't have money...

why does education ahve to cost so damn much????

i want to go on an adventure.

a real adventure you know. ok so as real an adventure as i can in this day and age lol. i want to go live abroad again somewhere cause it'd be awesome. and the problem is that now is the only time to do it. because soon i need to get myself settled and start a career and all that adult stuff.

now is the only time i can still cling to my youth and be the carefree rebel i have always been. i think for a long time i've wanted to go to italy for a while. i dunno, learn the language, learn to cook etc... get a tan... hehe.

An indirect friend was going to go to south korea to teach (but unfortunately didn't get the chance.
maybe i could

South Korea. learn the language, get a tan... eat nothing cause being vegetarian there must be impossible... i want to do so much.

shame i have no money. i really need to sort my ambitions out. i'm not so sure about what i want to be. i'm finding myself wanting to explore my artistic ambitions again... thats not a bad thing. it's been a while since i've felt this free and liberated. whether it's from the fact that the constraints of the education system are soon to be behind me or because i have recently cut loose a great excess baggage from my life... i really feel like i want to explore life

in a far away distant land, where i may meet new people, different people, learn new things, buy a goat, cure cancer...

ok maybe a little too ambitious lol, but at least i have dreams right? it feels good to feel this free.

but then money comes into the equation and you come crashing back to earth. it's like a friend was saying recently. why must everything depend on money in this day and age *insert scowl*

oh well :) i'm still feeling somewhat positive anyway ^^

the bedside table assaulted me again. my right eyebrow to cheek area. tis not as painful as last time or as swollen, but man it feels weird and slightly numb around the area of impact.

anyway on other things, i am currently procrastinating like hell on the dissertation front. i mean i've been doing really well over the past couple of days, even if my days have been somewhat timetabled in an unnatural way.

9-10am: get out of bed and faff around
11am: go to gym
12.30pm: shower and eat lunchy munchies
2.00pm: go to the library and study like a busy body
7-8pm: return and find fooood glorious foooood

and then do nothing and relax for the rest of the evening.

i think it's a pretty good routine really, gives me plenty of time to do my work and still have a little time to relax. but today the motivation is nai!!! nathi, none, nada, depleted... i have only done just over a third of my day's quote and technically already been here for 2 1/2 hours...

i think it might be because i had cheerios for lunch instead of the awesome salad i was planning to have... will have to ahve it for dinner instead... mmmm

ok to back to work then^^

i have made a new resolution

i'm one of those people that had no idea what it actually meant to work for myself. what i mean by this is that when i think about everything i do, i never really know what i'm going to gain from it for myself. knowledge, experience or even satisfaction. recently i have been losing interest in life in general. i seem to have lost all the things i used to love for some reason and i just can't go back to doing something and enjoying it anymore.

i think about things like anime/manga and video games. three of my greatest passions besides reading, drawing and music, which can do nothing to add to the quality of my life. i can't let these things go, and i won't it's only because of a silly little thing that occurred that i'm letting myself believe that i'm not good enough.

but that's not true! I can do things!!! and even if i don't do them well at least i know that i have the passion to try them with all of my heart. but i do need to put something more qualitative into my life. so that's what i'm going to do. i'm going wear my heart on my sleeve, show my worth, what i'm made of... try everything i thought sounded interesting.

unfortunately this all starts with having no social life for the next two months lol in order to the best i can with my assignments and final year here at university. but i must resolve to try my best. for myself. because i can be something great too.

just watch, i'll make you proud.

i have the flu T-T

i didn't really expect to get ill so soon after having been so ill at new years. but out of nowhere like a ninja in the night i got hit by the flu on friday morning, i've been really bad ever since and showing little signs of recovery. how crap. i mean i have so much work to do at the moment and need to get a lot of it done by wednesday as i'm off to london/southampton for 5+ days.

i want to get better so i can enjoy the weekend too, but i feel really weak right now and it's not looking good. drinking plenty of fluids and trying to get lots of rest.

wish me luck people, i need it.

i'm not sure i had the best start this morning...

woke up and was so tired that when i switched off my alarm i misjudged the distance from my bedside table and pillow and my smashed my forehead right into the corner of the bedside table.

it's fair t say that the table won the collision and i now have a super throbbing headache and a nice fat lump on my forehead.... (or forrid as my yoga instructor would say hehe)

lesson to be learned... bedside tables do not make good pillows....

WHY WON'T MY EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE DISCONNECT??? WHY???

Ok so all my essential electronics are failing me. my phone is getting temperamental, the headphone connection is screwed up. oh dears T-T... it's going to cost me so much to sort the sound thing.

and i have no monies!!! must call work tomorrow and ask for work when i go home next week >_<
also because i have no monies means i can't go snowboarding next week which is a total fart on my luck, honestly. otherwise things are pretty normal and mundane as university life goes^^

don't mind all too much, as long as i can get all my work done on time i am a happy bunny. in particular i ahve to write up and translate my presentation script within two weeks so i can go to minami without feeling guilty or pressured by the amount of work i'll have. well thats certainly an event to look forward to^^

cheerio people, hope youse all well

x

ps, my mood says predatory... i only chose it cause it sounds like fun... rarg^^

so i have been super good since the start of the new year and have totally been going to the gym regularly. aren't i good? today sooooo does not count.

we had yoga today and a new teacher. and boy is she mean! but i like that. it's like yoga boot camp and my muscles are really nice and sore.

however i know i'm in a bad mood right now, i should probably go to the gym to take my mind off things, instead i'm listening to lots of bomb the bass, dj shadow and crystal method.... and the way i know i must be really really really pissed off.... i came two inches close to cutting my hair off... the longest part of my hair is almost at my navel right now, and i kind of liek it long. cutting it definitely signifies something very very wrong.

organ donor is such an amazing track...

happy new year to all. a little late, granted, but ...

i had a lovely -if not slightly hectic- transition to the new year. i hope you all also had a nice time.

let's hope this year will prove to be better than the last.

resolutions!

-try harder at bettering myself
-start drawing more! (as i "resolute" to do every year :p)
-try to be more organised.
-be true to myself!
-stick to a regular gym plan lol
-stick to the healthy diet thing (mwaahahah)
-go with the flow + stop questioning why things are and accept that they just are... continuous questioning stops being cute after age six i think...

yey...

here are a few things i've done over the past couple of day instead of work on my portfolio for japanese (due in tomorrow)

-practice handstands
-perfected handstands
-press ups
-straighten my hair for the first time in 3 months, "just to see how long my hair has gotten"
-drawn random stuff
-re read my old diaries
-downloaded waterboys
-downloaded heavenly forest
-read random sappy manga
-looked up and ogled tamaki hiroshi to death
-drooled over FFXIII dude
-drooled over new FF game trailers

and of course

-written this LJ entry

the good thing is i'll still have this portfolio completed by tomorrow hahahaha