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08 September 2004 @ 03:01 pm
take two, damn it  
READ THIS FIRST: THERE'S NOW A MIRROR SITE. Only, it's not actually a true mirror--it's more a text file and about two-thirds of the pictures. Don't know why whomever-it-was didn't grab everything, but hey...

And I don't know if they're connected in any way, but there's also this. So check that out, too.

Yeah, both for this post. I dunno either. Okay, go on now, as you were.

But while you're wandering around, this community now exists for all your Sims torture needs.

([info]evergrey posted this in a friendslocked journal, couldn't unlock just the one entry, so she gave me permission to repost her entry here. I must remember to be very nice to her for...ever. Figured as long as I was putting her out, I pulled the pics off her server so I'm not racking up her bandwidth.)

[Edit 25 September 2004: By kind permission of [info]ja_samonikla, we now have pictures again! Everyone should thank her now.]
--



I guess people actually play this game to make their little sims happy. I'll admit that i did that for awhile, but to be honest, it just got boring. So of course I reverted to my typical gaming pattern of torturing innocents to death.

I start out by creating a random couple. I build them a little
room, seen below, with a door. One they've both walked in to check their "home" out, I get rid of the door. As you can see, the room contains the following:

* A ghetto chair
* A fireplace
* A clown painting

Because there's only one chair, directly opposite the clown
painting, which Mr. Victim immediately takes, Mrs. Victim quickly becomes annoyed. They have no light, no bathroom, and no food source.

Ghetto style


After awhile, a fucking clown appears. I don't know either. Said clown is insanely annoying, however. He can't even reach the sims trapped inside. He just coughs and sobs, jumping through holes in the ground to reappear elsewhere... but never in the little 4-tile room. Everybody loves motherfucking clowns.

What the hell...what's with the clown?


Mr. Victim briefly stood up. Here we can see him whimpering, about to piss himself. The clown is weeping and falling into a void up in the corner there, too.

Hey, I could really use a door right about now...


Oh look, one of the neighbours has come to pay a visit! Too bad
there's no doorbell, and not a damned thing for her to do! Look how uncomfortable she is! She can't leave though--not until she's rung the doorbell that doesn't exist! This is a death trap for more than just the two sims contained within The Box...

Damn it!  I have to have drinks with that neighbor man!


Mr. Victim has pissed himself, and is crying out for a shower. The clown is still weeping away, joined by our lovely neighbour who is also standing in her own puddle of piss for some inexplicable reason.

Screw the door, build a damn shower!


Things are going pretty damned far downhill at this point.
Neighbour lady has passed out in her own urine, and the sims in The Box are getting pretty damned ripe. They scream and gnash their teeth, begging me, their cruel, heartless deity, to have mercy. I am laughing with much glee. When your life is so crappy that it's almost comic, hope that the gods aren't bored.

Because this is what happens when the gods get bored.


I figure at this point that my little victims deserve a break, so I give them the gift of FIRE! Ahh yes, a nice, cheery fire to light up their cage. Whatever could go wrong? Oh SHIT! It's my favourite game--YOU'RE ON FIRE! (one of dear old Dad's favourite games, too.)

We pause now for a message from our sponsor, Fire.  FIRE!  We keep things HOT!


Mrs. Victim is thus far spared from the cleansing flames by
standing in the puddle of Mr. Victim's urine. The deceased Mr. Victim. Death is pretty pissed off about there being no door, by the way. You see his hands? I'm pretty sure that's a "what the FUCK?" gesture. Mrs. Victim is yelling and screaming. Maybe she's screaming about the fire, maybe she's screaming about the clown. I, being the closest thing her AI ass has to a deity, am doing my part by slamming a shot of vodka and chortling merrily away.

You know it's a bad day when urine's the alternative to burning.


In the meantime, the entire neighbourhood is whimpering and
standing in puddles of their own urine.

Apparently, burning neighbor people makes Sims wet themselves.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't really have to say anything else here, do I?

Clown on fire! Put him out! Put...oh, hell, just let him burn.


Man, that newspaper girl is one stone-cold bitch. Everyone wants to leave, but there is NO WAY OUT.

Death seems confused.  And that newspaper girl?  Bet she helped God remove the door...


I eventually put a door in for the neighbours because their weeping annoys me, but it doesn't work. I think they all eventually drink some poisoned kool-aid(tm) or something.

Awww, they're all dead...Okay, what next?


...
...
... Uhmmm, what do other girls do with their spare time?

--

(There you have it. Damn, I want to go get a copy of the Sims game now...

...um, for, um...non-torture reasons...yeah. That's what I meant.)
 
 
brainmood:: aggravated
on the player:: "Tell That Girl to Shut Up", Transvision Vamp
 
 
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( Post a new comment )
poppycat[info]poppycat on September 8th, 2004 03:48 pm (UTC)
<3
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:26 pm (UTC) Expand
My sim work =) - (Anonymous) on September 28th, 2004 07:00 am (UTC) Expand
friggin hilarious!!!! - (Anonymous) on October 13th, 2004 02:20 am (UTC) Expand
LOL! -Sims killer- - (Anonymous) on July 14th, 2005 09:33 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]romanyemerald on November 7th, 2005 02:01 am (UTC) Expand
Ducks: DOOM! by jjulie88[info]theantijoss on September 8th, 2004 03:54 pm (UTC)
BWAH!

That may well be the funniest thing I've ever seen. Thank you! *snort*
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on July 5th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC) Expand
And The Clocks Were Striking Thirteen: Wheeee![info]_redpanda_ on September 8th, 2004 03:55 pm (UTC)
The clown. THE CLOWN ON FIRE. Yes, it was worth reposting. :D Now I want to waste yet another day trying to get my Sims game working...
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:24 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]trishalynn on September 9th, 2004 07:09 am (UTC) Expand
Elizabeth[info]ignited_spark on September 8th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
HEE!
I've thought about doing that with my Sims, but never actually tried it.

I do have Darth Vader and Darth Maul sims that live in a ramshackle house with horrible furniture and few comforts...and the clown painting. Maybe I can draw the torture out, if they don't ever clean their house or get any sleep because of the clown...
Re: HEE! - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:20 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]lurkerdrome on September 8th, 2004 05:49 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]evergrey on September 8th, 2004 05:55 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]theblackdog2071 on September 8th, 2004 06:44 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: HEE! - [info]ignited_spark on September 8th, 2004 06:27 pm (UTC) Expand
The Patron Saint of All Assholes[info]seraphic_slayer on September 8th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
That's the kind of thing that's so perfect it makes me want to become the willing slave of whomever came up with it.

::boots up his Sims game with an evil grin on his face::
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:17 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]evergrey on September 8th, 2004 05:51 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]lasultrix on September 9th, 2004 11:39 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]lasultrix on September 9th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]evergrey on September 9th, 2004 11:49 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]lasultrix on September 9th, 2004 02:12 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]evergrey on September 9th, 2004 02:53 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]lasultrix on September 9th, 2004 03:06 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]evergrey on September 9th, 2004 03:09 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]psyk0 on October 1st, 2004 02:23 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 05:45 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:00 pm (UTC) Expand
we live rent-free on loyalist land: otp!!1 // beauvoir[info]twentyfivepast on September 8th, 2004 04:17 pm (UTC)
This is the most brilliant thing ever.

Well, it's up there, anyways.

And here I thought I was the only one who made Death Houses (tm).
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:16 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]___destijl on September 8th, 2004 05:41 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]twentyfivepast on September 8th, 2004 08:12 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]fakinghome on September 9th, 2004 12:35 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]twentyfivepast on September 9th, 2004 06:13 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]fakinghome on September 9th, 2004 02:04 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]twentyfivepast on September 9th, 2004 08:56 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]withpaperwings_ on September 10th, 2004 03:24 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]twentyfivepast on September 10th, 2004 12:35 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]quean_of_swords on October 11th, 2004 03:37 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]twentyfivepast on October 11th, 2004 05:27 pm (UTC) Expand
Firebird: Peter Venkman by Alryssa[info]firebird308 on September 8th, 2004 04:22 pm (UTC)
::evil chortle::
(no subject) - [info]scarlet_heart on February 10th, 2005 01:56 am (UTC) Expand
Memnet: dobby[info]memnet on September 8th, 2004 04:30 pm (UTC)
Whoa...creative!
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 8th, 2004 05:05 pm (UTC) Expand
Quincunx[info]quinconcinnity on September 8th, 2004 05:33 pm (UTC)
I am deeply amused by the pink flamingo. They have no door, no bathroom, and no food, but they have a pink flamingo on their lawn! *snerks*
Where did the clown come from? Did the painting summon him like a demon?
I've wanted to get the sims for awhile, and now I want it even more
(no subject) - [info]evergrey on September 8th, 2004 05:54 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:03 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]dlrium on October 12th, 2004 11:06 am (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on October 13th, 2004 03:34 am (UTC) Expand
A Lurker In A Purple Suit: weapon of ass destruction[info]lurkerdrome on September 8th, 2004 05:51 pm (UTC)
Just a reminder to all: The Sims 2 comes out next week.

And if you think THIS is funny...you ain't seen nothin' yet.
The Game Player: Makoto ROTF - makochan[info]elusivecharades on September 8th, 2004 06:45 pm (UTC)

*Is dead dead dead*

I'm gonna SO go buy a copy of this game just to torture 'em...this is the funniest thing I've read all day. Must put in Memories so I can go back and read it again.
sabine: crazy[info]sabine791110 on September 8th, 2004 06:49 pm (UTC)
mwahahahaha! I think the best line from the whole post is: When your life is so crappy that it's almost comic, hope that the gods aren't bored.
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 19th, 2004 01:04 am (UTC) Expand
Jenwilly's Random Ramblings[info]demoncaller on September 8th, 2004 06:57 pm (UTC)
That was hilarious. I have a hard time doing such things to my sims; I start out a while by putting them in a house with no door, but their whimpering and pleading gets to me. I guess I just have too much compassion, even to sims.
(no subject) - [info]kitlizzy on September 9th, 2004 06:37 am (UTC) Expand
Vaniel: Great Scott![info]vandonovan on September 8th, 2004 07:07 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, I kill sims ALL THE TIME. My best time ever though, was when I created eight different versions of the character Angel from Buffy/Angel (who I hate very much) and totured all eight of them.


I have photos too. Someone needs to make [info]simtorture
Angel With A Dirty Face[info]anonymoussorrow on September 8th, 2004 08:14 pm (UTC)
I used to make a pool and take away the steps in my sims game. They eventually drown to death

But this is way cooler than my method. I have GOT to try that!

rotflmfao
Demons I get, people are crazy.: pleasing shape[info]kymscrazy on September 8th, 2004 08:46 pm (UTC)
And I thought I was cool for having set a house full of people and a mime on fire.
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC) Expand
Captain Sassy Pants[info]pirate_eggie on September 8th, 2004 08:56 pm (UTC)
This is the most hilarious thing I've ever read. I'm laughing so hard I'm close to pissing myself like your burning Sims.

...

I'm a horrible person.
Eo: A Child Dancing in the Wind[info]aohdwyn on September 8th, 2004 11:14 pm (UTC)
*dies! Just dies from laughter* Omigosh, that is THE funniest thing I have seen in ... forever! The BEST part is when the clown catches on fire!!! XD
Levi[info]levi on September 9th, 2004 03:54 am (UTC)
That is the coolest thing ever. I must have that game. I used to play SimCity, and demolish the earth and stuff, but BURNING CLOWNS are SO much better! Thanks for reposting it. :)
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:05 pm (UTC) Expand
uncleftish beholding[info]oloriel on September 9th, 2004 06:40 am (UTC)
*breaks down laughing*

Have to try that sometime.
Aiden[info]sanrei on September 9th, 2004 08:48 am (UTC)
I laughed so hard my instructor/boss wanted to know why.

He commented that simulation games were fun.
Score!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on November 15th, 2004 06:08 am (UTC) Expand
Debbie: SimDebvel (screencap from The Sims)[info]debvel on September 9th, 2004 09:17 am (UTC)
Bwa ha ha! That's hilarious - thanks for reposting it!

I once killed two families of Sims just so I could have a graveyard on that lot. Later I found a Sims site that had tombstone objects. My way was more fun. :)
(no subject) - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:06 pm (UTC) Expand
Aden[info]eruthia on September 9th, 2004 10:25 am (UTC)
o.O
You people are EviL!! (Not that I'm innocent of course...)
Re: o.O - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 01:07 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: o.O - [info]eruthia on September 9th, 2004 04:17 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: o.O - [info]nematoddity on September 9th, 2004 05:33 pm (UTC) Expand
Renee: Hal[info]raelo on September 9th, 2004 04:42 pm (UTC)
Dude!!! I <3 what you did! Rock on!!
(no subject) - [info]elvish_whore on September 9th, 2004 06:57 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]raelo on September 9th, 2004 08:04 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]elvish_whore on September 10th, 2004 01:09 am (UTC) Expand